*Tue Check 10-16 my weekend on Santa Catalina Island, + QPR Certified 4 Suicide Prevention

[alisongrose]

Thanks for tuning in to this great weekly update of my personal endeavors. Here you will find me attempting to talk write and understand a cluster of feelings, hopes, doubts, highs and lows, love ,  balancing my health and for my personal development . I use these weekly updates as a constant in my life to ask myself basically , 'How are you doing

Comments

[malefantasy]

It's good that the anxiety is waning a bit with people, especially with people that surround your boyfriend... glad you had a good time!

And congrats on the QPR Certification!

[alisongrose]

Thanks! Im actually very grateful that im not dealing with as much anxiety, i know it means alot to my boyfriend so thats always a motivating factor. ty! :)

[malefantasy]

I know how that feels. When I started actually not feeling as much anxiety I was shocked how much easier life became. It was so nice.

[alisongrose]

yea! wish there was a magic pill or something that kept it away forever!

[gagyourmouth]

We don't want to take accountability for our own suffering; it's easier to blame it on others, the circumstances, etc.

That's so fantastic that you got certified for suicide prevention! It's such an important, imperative topic but a lot of people don't reach out and seek the help they need because of the stigma attached to it. So now they have one more person who can reach out them. :)

We do a lot of things out of emotion that we may not mean. I'm sure he understands it, and respects your wishes. You'll contact him again when you're ready and hopefully he got the message, and would much rather have you as a friend than not have you in his life at all.

[alisongrose]

yea! I hope that I wont have to use it but just to know some techniques in case of a friend in need, its just something good to have and hold on to.
Man emotional doesn't even begin to express it, I think alot of it is the history to that person and the attachment that also comes from us being close friends, or rather how close we used to be. I think he would want me as a friend regardless, but its hard to get to that point in a healthy , positive manner, it seems.

[sparowe]

You may've sent the message in anger, but... that said, there's nothing wrong with setting your boundaries, and asking others to respect them. If they cannot, then unfortunately the "nuclear option" may be the only way. You've explained and given him a chance, which is fair. For him to keep pushing you is not.

[alisongrose]

I think my problem is setting my boundaries and keeping to them. Choosing the 'nuclear option' is something I feel should not be put on anyone, and it doesnt make me feel too great about myself, its a lose-lose situation to me.

[sparowe]

And it's not my call to make for you, whether you go for the nuclear option. But I can say that boundaries are very important. No one else is you, inside your skin. It's not going to hurt them to indirectly hurt you, especially if they think they can apologise and carry on. And if I sound like I'm judging you, I'm not. I'm speaking from painful experience. Times when I was young, when I let people talk me into things, got me to do things. AndI never thought about it as wanting to fit in, it was more that I cared for them so much, surely it didn't really matter, surely it wouldn't hurt this one time, surely there's some kind of justification I can come up with so that I can sleep at night. And you can, for awhile. But eventually, that person is gone, and you're left with your choices and the results of them. Some things you can never take back. Thankfully we can ask for forgiveness, but the pain and wisdom remain. Respect yourself, and insist others respect you. If they can't do that, what kind of relationship is it and

[alisongrose]

this being true, i know youre not judging me, I'm re evaluating the relationship and I think respect should be number one. Thanks for sharing your past.