What About Now 4/?
Cameron swallowed quietly as he looked at himself in the mirror of the hotel they were in. He was getting skinnier, and he was just realizing it. His jeans were beginning to get loose on him and his usually skin tight shirts were hanging on his frame rather than clinging. Cameron bit his lip as he looked at himself. If he was noticing that he was getting skinnier, then David and Eric would surly start noticing, and he couldn’t have that happening. He glanced over to his friends who were still sleeping and smiled. Quickly, he slipped his suitcase out of the jumble of items and opened it. He pulled out a few of his heavier shirts and thicker sweatshirts before slipping into the bathroom and shutting the door. Cameron slipped on two of his heaviest shirts before looking in the mirror and biting his lip. He looked a bit heavier than he did before and a tiny smile spread across his face. He pulled another shirt on before deciding that it didn’t look right on him, so he took it off.
Sighing, he dropped the shirt and picked up a thin sweatshirt before slipping it onto his body. He zipped it up halfway before pulling on a thicker sweatshirt over top of it. Looking in the mirror, Cameron smiled in satisfaction as he looked at his normal weight again. Cam zipped the outer hoodie up all the way and was just about to admire his “body” when a sharp knock came on the door.
“Cam, are you almost done in there? I have to pee.” Eric’s voice wafted through the door and Cameron jumped, shocked by the sudden noise compared to the silence he had been getting used to.
Quickly, Cameron grabbed his discarded clothes and he unlocked the door before pushing open the door. “Yeah, have fun,” Cameron mumbled as Eric pushed past him and dropped his pants the second he was at the toilet, not bothering to shut the door behind him. Cameron caught himself staring at Eric as he grabbed his last t-shirt that he had “dropped” and he flushed. “I’ll just uh…” he mumbled as he gathered his clothes up and left, or almost left until Eric stopped him.
“Cameron…” Eric said as he finished, pulling his pants up as he did so. “Can we talk?” Cameron bit his lip before throwing his clothes over to his suitcase and nodded. “Cool,” Eric said as he washed his hands. He looked over at Cameron who flushed lightly as he began to get lost in Eric’s sleep green eyes. See, Cameron would never admit it, but he absolutely adored Eric’s eyes, but he hated seeing them without the familiar frames of his glasses. Cameron hated when people told Eric that he should get contacts, because he didn’t like Eric without glasses. It made him look like…well it just didn’t make him Eric. Cameron snapped out of his thoughts as Eric began talking to him again. “So, do you know why I want to talk to you Cam?”
“No,” Cameron admitted honestly as he leaned back against the doorframe. “What is it that you want to talk to me about?”
Eric paused to splash some water on his face before he looked back up at Cameron. “I’m worried about you Cam,” he told him quietly. “You’ve been acting really strange recently, and I’m worried about you. Cam,” he said as he looked at Cameron with intensely sad eyes. “You’re my best friend, and to be honest, I’m really, really worried about you.”
“Well don’t be Eric,” Cameron said as he brought a light smile onto his face. “Everything’s fine, really. I’ve just been a little off because it’s the beginning of the tour and I’m missing my mom’s homemade food, you know? I mean, I’m fine right now, but earlier when I was moody and all that, that’s why.” Cameron’s voice faded as he looked down at his hands, not sure what he was feeling right now. He hated lying to Eric, and he had been since he had found a way to fix his pains and replaced them with stomach ones. On the other hand, he couldn’t tell Eric about his pains and what he was doing to fix them. Eric was the reason he was doing all of this in the first place, and the boy would be devastated to find out that he was the reason that Cameron’s heart hurt all the time. Besides, he couldn’t tell Eric anything; he had to be happy for him and David. His feelings didn’t matter.
A soft sigh from Eric made Cameron look back up at him, and he knew that Eric knew that he wasn’t telling him the truth. “Cameron,” Eric sighed as he looked at him. “Since when did we start lying to each other?” Cameron bit his lip as he looked at Eric, and his hands instantly made their way to the pockets on his hoodie, protecting his stomach in a slightly defensive mode. “Cam, I’m really worried about you, and I know you’re lying to me about all of this. What I just can’t figure out is why? What’s so bad that you have to lie to me, because honestly, I’m thinking the worst here, and I’d really like it if you could just clarify it for me so I don’t have to worry all the time.”
Cameron’s fingers curled around his stomach as he looked at Eric. “Well I can tell you I’m not going to die and I don’t have any diseases. I’m just…I don’t really even know Eric. Life’s just been throwing me every way, and I’m not really sure where my mind is right now. I just know that I’ve been a bit off since tour started, but I’ll get my groove back; I know I will. I just don’t know when that’s going to happen. All I can tell you is that I’d really love it if you and Dave would stop asking me what’s wrong all the time. I’m going to be fine, but what you guys do is you keep bringing the problems back to the front of my mind, and it’s not helping me get over it.”
The sounds that were coming from Eric’s parted lips alerted Cameron that he was about to start asking him if he wanted to talk about it. “Do you want to talk about it Cam?” A bitter chuckle came from underneath Cameron’s breath as he realized just how well he knew Eric. “I mean, it might be best to just get it all out in the open.” Cameron sighed softly as he looked at Eric.
“No thanks,” he told him softly. “I just want to be given my time to forget about it.” Or maybe just get rid of myself… Eric gave Cameron a wary look, but Cameron’s gaze didn’t waver. He just looked at Eric, hoping that he would believe that everything would be fine soon enough. He needed that more than anything right now. He couldn’t have Eric finding out what he was doing. Eric would shoot him.
“Are you sure?” Eric asked him in a quiet voice. “I mean, talking about it would be best Cam. I’m telling you I’m really worried about you.”
A little bubble of rage fell upon Cameron as he looked at Eric. “Well stop!” he shouted, throwing the only shirt he still held in his hands at Eric. “I’m so sick of you and David acting like something’s wrong with me when there isn’t anything like that so leave me alone!” Furious, he stepped out of the hotel room and slammed the door behind him, succeeding in waking David up and leaving his keys behind.
Cameron stormed down to breakfast and started attacking the complimentary continental breakfast with vigor. Within five minutes he had already downed two bowls of cereal and a muffin and was just about to start in on a bagel when he heard the door click behind him and one of the hotel staff members came in. “Good morning,” she said as she set a large metal pan of scrambled eggs down into one of the hot water beds that kept the food warm. “Enjoy your breakfast.” With that, she left him to his breakfast which Cameron was more than glad to enjoy.
He dug in, filling two plates full of scrambled eggs, fatty bacon and cream cheese covered bagels before sitting down and beginning to chow down. The first plate was gone in about ten minutes, and the second didn’t last much longer. Cameron went back and dished up another plate of eggs, wolfing them down before he even returned to the table. If Cameron’s stomach could hold it, he was sure that he would’ve eaten half of the food set out for the people, if not more.
Once Cameron had finished binging on his breakfast, something that he hadn’t done in almost three weeks, he stood up and instantly he felt sick. His stomach was full, and now the pain that he had been thriving off of to keep him sane was gone and his throbbing heart began to hurt. “This is horrible,” he whispered as he walked over to the bathroom across the hall from the hospitality room. He stepped inside and looked at himself in the mirror, and he knew something was wrong.
It looked like he had gained twenty pounds by eating that food that he had, and it disgusted Cameron to no end. He felt wrong and sick, and he needed it out of him. Stumbling over to the first bathroom stall, he stepped inside and locked the door before kneeling down in front of the toilet. “Please stomach,” he whispered, “be sick.” Unfortunately, despite the fact that he felt like his stomach was overflowing, he couldn’t make it do what it had done at the Olive Garden. He wasn’t sick like he was then. This was a different kind of sick; a mental sick.
Cameron bit his lip as he looked at the toilet bowl. He had heard about these kinds of things happening with girls and sometimes guys. They called them eating disorders, but he didn’t have one of those. There was no way that he could have one of those, he was just in pain. Sighing, Cameron tried to remember what he had learned in high school about how girls made themselves throw up. There was something about a finger or two and shoving them in their mouth. There was also something about massaging something.
He weighed his options; waste away with the full stomach or feel better with the empty. Cameron decided that he’d rather have an empty stomach, and with that he stuck two fingers in his mouth. He pushed them back as far as he could go, but instantly removed them as he felt like he was choking. A light clicked on in his brain as he realized that he had to feel like he was choking in order to actually get the food out of his stomach.
Cameron eagerly shoved his fingers into his throat and he gagged multiple times as his stomach lurched. This was uncomfortable, but Cameron could handle it. He quietly continued to gag as he forced his fingers deeper into his throat and sticky, thick strands of saliva started to come up from his throat as he gagged. Quickly, he spat the saliva out into the toilet bowl before sticking his fingers back in his mouth, determined to get rid of the contents of his stomach no matter what. The thick saliva collected in his mouth a few more times and he realized that if he just kept his mouth open above the toilet then he wouldn’t have to remove his fingers.
At last, he felt food regurgitating through his throat, and he began to vomit tiny amounts of chunky eggs and bits of bacon into the bowl before him. They came out in small amounts, and he choked on his fingers before removing them from his mouth. Another thing he soon learned was that if he removed his fingers before he was about to puke, the vomit would come out easier and he would have less of a hassle trying to breathe. Small streams were now leaving his throat as he forced it back up, and a slight grin spread across his face. He was getting rid of all the bad and bringing back the good, the skinny, the Cameron that he had always wanted to be.
Cameron worked up the food until he felt empty again, although he wasn’t truly empty. At least half of the food was still in his body because he didn’t know how to gauge the amount he was returning to the world compared to what he had taken in at first. He flushed the toilet and quickly washed his vomit covered arm in the sink, making sure to get everything off of his face and hands before he headed back to his room. Reaching into his pockets, Cameron soon discovered that he had left his keys back in he room and now had no way to get in, so he stood outside of the door foolishly, wondering if he should knock or not. The second he was about to, the door opened and Eric stepped out.
“Cam,” he said quietly as he looked at him. “Cam, I’m sorry…” Cameron looked at Eric before sighing and letting Eric finish his apology, because he knew Eric was far from done. “Look,” he told Cam. “I’m sorry that I wouldn’t let the whole worry thing die, but I really am worried about you Cam. You’re my best friend, and if anything were to happen to you I don’t know what I’d do. I didn’t mean to make it sound like there’s definitely something wrong with you. I just…you’re not acting like you usually do, and I miss my friend.”
“Well he’s still here,” Cameron told him bluntly. “Eric, it’s not like I’ve left you for broader horizons. I’ve changed, and people do that from time to time. I’m sorry if you thought I was drifting away for something more important, because I’m not. I just need space sometimes; we all do.”
Eric reached forward and attached himself to Cameron. “I know,” he said softly. “I understand that now. My brain just wasn’t accepting it earlier.” Cameron smiled lightly and he hugged Eric back tightly. “I love you Cammy bear.”
A tiny tremor ran through Cameron’s body. “I love you too Eric,” he replied softly as his body went cold and the pain returned. “I love you too.”
.
Sighing, he dropped the shirt and picked up a thin sweatshirt before slipping it onto his body. He zipped it up halfway before pulling on a thicker sweatshirt over top of it. Looking in the mirror, Cameron smiled in satisfaction as he looked at his normal weight again. Cam zipped the outer hoodie up all the way and was just about to admire his “body” when a sharp knock came on the door.
“Cam, are you almost done in there? I have to pee.” Eric’s voice wafted through the door and Cameron jumped, shocked by the sudden noise compared to the silence he had been getting used to.
Quickly, Cameron grabbed his discarded clothes and he unlocked the door before pushing open the door. “Yeah, have fun,” Cameron mumbled as Eric pushed past him and dropped his pants the second he was at the toilet, not bothering to shut the door behind him. Cameron caught himself staring at Eric as he grabbed his last t-shirt that he had “dropped” and he flushed. “I’ll just uh…” he mumbled as he gathered his clothes up and left, or almost left until Eric stopped him.
“Cameron…” Eric said as he finished, pulling his pants up as he did so. “Can we talk?” Cameron bit his lip before throwing his clothes over to his suitcase and nodded. “Cool,” Eric said as he washed his hands. He looked over at Cameron who flushed lightly as he began to get lost in Eric’s sleep green eyes. See, Cameron would never admit it, but he absolutely adored Eric’s eyes, but he hated seeing them without the familiar frames of his glasses. Cameron hated when people told Eric that he should get contacts, because he didn’t like Eric without glasses. It made him look like…well it just didn’t make him Eric. Cameron snapped out of his thoughts as Eric began talking to him again. “So, do you know why I want to talk to you Cam?”
“No,” Cameron admitted honestly as he leaned back against the doorframe. “What is it that you want to talk to me about?”
Eric paused to splash some water on his face before he looked back up at Cameron. “I’m worried about you Cam,” he told him quietly. “You’ve been acting really strange recently, and I’m worried about you. Cam,” he said as he looked at Cameron with intensely sad eyes. “You’re my best friend, and to be honest, I’m really, really worried about you.”
“Well don’t be Eric,” Cameron said as he brought a light smile onto his face. “Everything’s fine, really. I’ve just been a little off because it’s the beginning of the tour and I’m missing my mom’s homemade food, you know? I mean, I’m fine right now, but earlier when I was moody and all that, that’s why.” Cameron’s voice faded as he looked down at his hands, not sure what he was feeling right now. He hated lying to Eric, and he had been since he had found a way to fix his pains and replaced them with stomach ones. On the other hand, he couldn’t tell Eric about his pains and what he was doing to fix them. Eric was the reason he was doing all of this in the first place, and the boy would be devastated to find out that he was the reason that Cameron’s heart hurt all the time. Besides, he couldn’t tell Eric anything; he had to be happy for him and David. His feelings didn’t matter.
A soft sigh from Eric made Cameron look back up at him, and he knew that Eric knew that he wasn’t telling him the truth. “Cameron,” Eric sighed as he looked at him. “Since when did we start lying to each other?” Cameron bit his lip as he looked at Eric, and his hands instantly made their way to the pockets on his hoodie, protecting his stomach in a slightly defensive mode. “Cam, I’m really worried about you, and I know you’re lying to me about all of this. What I just can’t figure out is why? What’s so bad that you have to lie to me, because honestly, I’m thinking the worst here, and I’d really like it if you could just clarify it for me so I don’t have to worry all the time.”
Cameron’s fingers curled around his stomach as he looked at Eric. “Well I can tell you I’m not going to die and I don’t have any diseases. I’m just…I don’t really even know Eric. Life’s just been throwing me every way, and I’m not really sure where my mind is right now. I just know that I’ve been a bit off since tour started, but I’ll get my groove back; I know I will. I just don’t know when that’s going to happen. All I can tell you is that I’d really love it if you and Dave would stop asking me what’s wrong all the time. I’m going to be fine, but what you guys do is you keep bringing the problems back to the front of my mind, and it’s not helping me get over it.”
The sounds that were coming from Eric’s parted lips alerted Cameron that he was about to start asking him if he wanted to talk about it. “Do you want to talk about it Cam?” A bitter chuckle came from underneath Cameron’s breath as he realized just how well he knew Eric. “I mean, it might be best to just get it all out in the open.” Cameron sighed softly as he looked at Eric.
“No thanks,” he told him softly. “I just want to be given my time to forget about it.” Or maybe just get rid of myself… Eric gave Cameron a wary look, but Cameron’s gaze didn’t waver. He just looked at Eric, hoping that he would believe that everything would be fine soon enough. He needed that more than anything right now. He couldn’t have Eric finding out what he was doing. Eric would shoot him.
“Are you sure?” Eric asked him in a quiet voice. “I mean, talking about it would be best Cam. I’m telling you I’m really worried about you.”
A little bubble of rage fell upon Cameron as he looked at Eric. “Well stop!” he shouted, throwing the only shirt he still held in his hands at Eric. “I’m so sick of you and David acting like something’s wrong with me when there isn’t anything like that so leave me alone!” Furious, he stepped out of the hotel room and slammed the door behind him, succeeding in waking David up and leaving his keys behind.
Cameron stormed down to breakfast and started attacking the complimentary continental breakfast with vigor. Within five minutes he had already downed two bowls of cereal and a muffin and was just about to start in on a bagel when he heard the door click behind him and one of the hotel staff members came in. “Good morning,” she said as she set a large metal pan of scrambled eggs down into one of the hot water beds that kept the food warm. “Enjoy your breakfast.” With that, she left him to his breakfast which Cameron was more than glad to enjoy.
He dug in, filling two plates full of scrambled eggs, fatty bacon and cream cheese covered bagels before sitting down and beginning to chow down. The first plate was gone in about ten minutes, and the second didn’t last much longer. Cameron went back and dished up another plate of eggs, wolfing them down before he even returned to the table. If Cameron’s stomach could hold it, he was sure that he would’ve eaten half of the food set out for the people, if not more.
Once Cameron had finished binging on his breakfast, something that he hadn’t done in almost three weeks, he stood up and instantly he felt sick. His stomach was full, and now the pain that he had been thriving off of to keep him sane was gone and his throbbing heart began to hurt. “This is horrible,” he whispered as he walked over to the bathroom across the hall from the hospitality room. He stepped inside and looked at himself in the mirror, and he knew something was wrong.
It looked like he had gained twenty pounds by eating that food that he had, and it disgusted Cameron to no end. He felt wrong and sick, and he needed it out of him. Stumbling over to the first bathroom stall, he stepped inside and locked the door before kneeling down in front of the toilet. “Please stomach,” he whispered, “be sick.” Unfortunately, despite the fact that he felt like his stomach was overflowing, he couldn’t make it do what it had done at the Olive Garden. He wasn’t sick like he was then. This was a different kind of sick; a mental sick.
Cameron bit his lip as he looked at the toilet bowl. He had heard about these kinds of things happening with girls and sometimes guys. They called them eating disorders, but he didn’t have one of those. There was no way that he could have one of those, he was just in pain. Sighing, Cameron tried to remember what he had learned in high school about how girls made themselves throw up. There was something about a finger or two and shoving them in their mouth. There was also something about massaging something.
He weighed his options; waste away with the full stomach or feel better with the empty. Cameron decided that he’d rather have an empty stomach, and with that he stuck two fingers in his mouth. He pushed them back as far as he could go, but instantly removed them as he felt like he was choking. A light clicked on in his brain as he realized that he had to feel like he was choking in order to actually get the food out of his stomach.
Cameron eagerly shoved his fingers into his throat and he gagged multiple times as his stomach lurched. This was uncomfortable, but Cameron could handle it. He quietly continued to gag as he forced his fingers deeper into his throat and sticky, thick strands of saliva started to come up from his throat as he gagged. Quickly, he spat the saliva out into the toilet bowl before sticking his fingers back in his mouth, determined to get rid of the contents of his stomach no matter what. The thick saliva collected in his mouth a few more times and he realized that if he just kept his mouth open above the toilet then he wouldn’t have to remove his fingers.
At last, he felt food regurgitating through his throat, and he began to vomit tiny amounts of chunky eggs and bits of bacon into the bowl before him. They came out in small amounts, and he choked on his fingers before removing them from his mouth. Another thing he soon learned was that if he removed his fingers before he was about to puke, the vomit would come out easier and he would have less of a hassle trying to breathe. Small streams were now leaving his throat as he forced it back up, and a slight grin spread across his face. He was getting rid of all the bad and bringing back the good, the skinny, the Cameron that he had always wanted to be.
Cameron worked up the food until he felt empty again, although he wasn’t truly empty. At least half of the food was still in his body because he didn’t know how to gauge the amount he was returning to the world compared to what he had taken in at first. He flushed the toilet and quickly washed his vomit covered arm in the sink, making sure to get everything off of his face and hands before he headed back to his room. Reaching into his pockets, Cameron soon discovered that he had left his keys back in he room and now had no way to get in, so he stood outside of the door foolishly, wondering if he should knock or not. The second he was about to, the door opened and Eric stepped out.
“Cam,” he said quietly as he looked at him. “Cam, I’m sorry…” Cameron looked at Eric before sighing and letting Eric finish his apology, because he knew Eric was far from done. “Look,” he told Cam. “I’m sorry that I wouldn’t let the whole worry thing die, but I really am worried about you Cam. You’re my best friend, and if anything were to happen to you I don’t know what I’d do. I didn’t mean to make it sound like there’s definitely something wrong with you. I just…you’re not acting like you usually do, and I miss my friend.”
“Well he’s still here,” Cameron told him bluntly. “Eric, it’s not like I’ve left you for broader horizons. I’ve changed, and people do that from time to time. I’m sorry if you thought I was drifting away for something more important, because I’m not. I just need space sometimes; we all do.”
Eric reached forward and attached himself to Cameron. “I know,” he said softly. “I understand that now. My brain just wasn’t accepting it earlier.” Cameron smiled lightly and he hugged Eric back tightly. “I love you Cammy bear.”
A tiny tremor ran through Cameron’s body. “I love you too Eric,” he replied softly as his body went cold and the pain returned. “I love you too.”
.