Written All Over My Face (9/?)
Written All Over My Face
Author: alienanalysis
Title: Written All Over My Face (9/?)
Pairing: Kradam
Rating: NC-17
Summary: While a depressed Kris shuts himself away in the aftermath of the break-up, Adam has his own not-so-wise coping mechanism.
Length: 2,300
Disclaimer: Thisisaworkoffictionidontowneitheroftheguysmaycontainstronglanguageandcontentofasexualnatureblahblahblah.
Notes: OK, I think I need to double-lock all my doors before you guys come after me with your tin hats blazing, as the ride isn’t getting any smoother for Kradam any time soon... sorry!
Previous chapters:
Chapter 1: A conversation with a chat-show shrink makes Kris finally realize the feelings he’d been hiding in the deepest, darkest part of his mind for months
Chapter 2: Kris searches for the right words to tell Adam his feelings, but it isn’t an easy task. How exactly can he tell Adam he wants to stick his tongue down his throat when he can’t even get his tongue to function enough to speak..?
Chapter 3: Still unable to find the right words to tell Adam, Kris decides to let their bodies do the talking during a seemingly innocent cuddle in Adam’s bed.
Chapter 4: While a blissful Kris dreams of a Disney-style happily ever after, in contrast Adam can’t help worrying that his perfect life is about to come crumbling down
Chapter 5: Kris is relieved when his family accept his relationship with Adam, but he soon learns that not everybody back home is as open-minded
Chapter 6: To put the press of the scent, 19E send Adam and Kris off on very public dates... with different people. Cue boredom, frustration, anger... and hot phone-sex
Chapter 7: Kris decides he is ready to face the music and go public but Adam has other ideas, leading to more trauma and more tears
Chapter 8: Kris’s reasoning doesn’t seem to be getting through to Adam and he admits defeat... but not before some hot break-up sex
Kris Allen & Adam Lambert... hot couple of the month or dumb publicity stunt? Vote now!
92% of our readers think... dumb publicity stunt! Yes, most of you think the controversial photo of Kradam making out in the parking lot was just a cynical ploy to sell a few more records and stay trending on Twitter. Sorry guys, we’re not buying the big romance. Maybe if we see Kris Allen totally Glambertized at a red carpet event with eyeliner and rhinestones we might be a little less sceptical...
Kris slammed the laptop shut, reminding himself why he rarely read gossip blogs. His management were happy the press was dying down... but Kris was anything but happy.
He sat alone in bed in his rented apartment, chilling out during a rare evening off. He was glad his schedule had been so jam-packed over the past two weeks since the split; at least that had taken his mind off things and kept him pre-occupied. His band had been really supportive, forcing him to go out with them when he’d felt like moping around alone in his room. His parents had also been awesome, calling him every day.
Not that Kris had wanted to talk much about the split. It was hard enough replaying the events over and over in his head without having to speak about it too.
Yet there was one person Kris desperately wanted to talk to about the split... but Adam hadn’t returned any of his calls.
Kris had tried everything; texts, emails, even Twitter. But Adam had completely blanked him, insisting in his one and only reply that it would be better if they stayed away from one another to make things ‘easier’.
But Kris couldn’t imagine it being any harder than it already was.
It wasn’t even 9pm yet, but Kris was already tucked up in bed, so physically and emotionally drained he didn’t have the energy to do anything. Yet he knew he wouldn’t be able to drift off to sleep for a long time yet. Every time he closed his eyes, Adam’s face would haunt him and remind him of what he’d lost.
Kris sat up in frustration, sick of feeling so low. He needed something to take his mind off the situation. Maybe some TV would help.
As he turned it on, he soon wished he hadn’t. That face that haunted his every dream was right there in HD on his 60 inch plasma screen.
Kris swore under his breath and got ready to change the channel, but he couldn’t draw his eyes away from the screen.
He stared at the vision on screen, taking in Adam’s crazy outfit and OTT make-up. If somebody had told him a year ago that he’d be nursing a broken heart over an androgynous alien wearing a zebra-print tuxedo, red PVC pants and false eyelashes made out of peacock feathers, he would have laughed his ass off at the suggestion.
But this was no laughing matter. His eyes were transfixed as Adam grinded up against a glittery semi-naked dancer while singing For Your Entertainment. As he watched the dancer’s hand stroke Adam’s thigh right up until it reached the Glambulge, he suddenly felt very jealous.
The jealousy subsided and was replaced by longing as the dance troop exited the stage and Adam stood alone under a red spotlight, his face wistful as he belted out Time For Miracles.
Kris had loved that song right from the first time Adam had played it to him on his iPhone during the tour. But now it was more poignant than ever. He sang along softly, meaning every lyric.
The camera panned in on Adam’s eyes, and from the high resolution picture Kris was sure he could see tears glistening underneath all that outrageous eye make-up. He wondered how Adam was feeling right at that moment and whether he was thinking about him too.
Kris moved to the end of the bed and placed a hand on the screen, stroking Adam’s solemn face. ‘Cos I know this flame isn't dying, so nothing can stop me from trying...’ Kris sang along, feeling his own eyes well up with tears.
The words were spot on. The flame wasn’t dying, far from it. After the break-up he’d tried to be optimistic and told himself that the pain would gradually subside and he’d be able to move on, yet the more time went on, the more Kris missed him like crazy. More and more frequently he’d wake up totally horny in the middle of the night after a hot dream about Adam, reaching out across the bed only to open his eyes and realize Adam wasn’t there.
And nothing would stop him from trying. He would continue to call and text every day until Adam finally responded, however long it took.
Kris picked up his phone and typed away.
Just saw you on TV. Think about the lyrics. Cos I ain’t giving up.
He hit send, hoping the message wasn’t too corny. He’d already tried everything. Begging, joking, flirting, compliments. But still no reply.
As the song ended, the audience erupted into cheers and Adam stood bowing and grinning.
‘He doesn’t look so sad now,’ Kris observed, Adam’s broad smile lighting up the screen the same way it always had. He looked like the regular Adam; happy, carefree, loving life.
‘I guess he’s already moved on,’ Kris sighed, wishing he could do the same.
*
Adam slammed his dressing room door loudly and locked it behind him, glad his set was over at long last. After a hectic two weeks of appearances, trying to please everybody from the press to his management to the fans, and having to maintain his fabulous superhuman persona 24/7, Adam was well and truly sick of constantly plastering on his smile.
Finally alone, he sat staring back at himself in the mirror, thinking about how grateful and happy he should be, at the pinnacle of his career with so many amazing achievements. He’d been working his butt off all his life to get to this point, and everything that had happened to him over the past year surpassed all his wildest dreams.
Yet he felt the lowest he could ever remember.
Worse than when he’d been the weird theater geek back at high school. Worse than when he’d been lonely, jobless and fat after first moving to Hollywood. Worse than when he’d broken up with Brad. And that really was saying something.
‘Oh Kris, just stop,’ he sighed as he checked his phone to find yet another message. It had taken all his willpower not to reply to the constant messages.
He hit the delete button, feeling as guilty as he always did... but he knew he would just cave in if he did reply. He knew from the messages that it Kris felt just as low as he did, but he still believed he’d made the right decision to end things. Management had banned any reporters asking either of them questions about the whole episode and the press had gradually died down and moved on to new celebrity scandals.
Adam wishes he could move on too. He scanned the contents of his dressing table, eying the assortment of alcoholic drinks he’d demanded in his rider. He’d already started on the vodka before his performance, pouring a strong mixer while getting ready... hence why his make-up was even more OTT than normal.
Now it was time for another. He unscrewed the Absolut Vodka and poured a generous measure into his glass, topping it up with a splash of cranberry juice.
‘This is healthy, it has anti-oxidants in it!’ Adam insisted to his reflection in the mirror before taking a sip. ‘No, this needs a bit of something else...’ he mustered.
‘More fruit, I need my vitamins,’ Adam decided, pouring a splash of Midori Melon, Peach Schnapps and a random plum-flavored drink that he’d never heard of but smelled nice. ‘Kris likes plums,’ he sighed to himself, before downing the strong concoction that burnt his throat and tasted disgusting.
He continued staring back at the mirror, falling into a daze as the drink started to kick in. ‘I’m all dressed up, I should go out!’ he exclaimed to himself, picking up his eyeliner pencil and re-touching the thick black lines that ringed his eyes, still as expertly as ever despite his tipsy state.
The prospect of going home to that empty bed which only reminded him of Kris sent him into a state of despair. He’d not spent much time alone at home since the break-up, either having friends over to keep him company and listen to him ramble on about Kris, or going out to bars and drinking way more than the recommended daily allowance of units.
Tonight was no different.
Three more randomly-mixed drinks down the line, Adam scrolled through his contact list on his phone looking for a willing party buddy. He stopped when he noticed the name of an old friend from a few years back who had been bugging him for weeks to meet up.
He punched in a typo-laden message and hit the send button, knowing it was a mistake but too drunk by then to care.
He whooped excitedly as the friend replied back saying he was at one of Adam’s old club-kid days haunts in Hollywood and that the party was already in full swing. ‘I look so pretty,’ he giggled to himself as he checked his glittery reflection in the mirror before leaving, downing the rest of his drink on the way out the door.
Ignoring the runners at the studio exit offering to call him a cab, Adam staggered to the parking lot, still in his PVC pants and peacock eyelashes. He got in the car and jammed his key in the ignition, knowing he was way over the limit.
‘So what if I get pulled over,’ he exclaimed to himself as he started the engine and headed in the direction of the club. ‘Everyone is Hollywood has a DUI, it’s the in thing!’ He laughed to himself as he pondered what sort of pose he would strike for his mug shot and how his fans would still flail over the photo and think he looked hot.
As he got closer to the club, luckily unnoticed by the cops, Adam thought back to the last time he’d seen the old crowd. It had been a few years now. Although he was still a regular on the WeHo bar scene, he’d calmed down in his ‘old age’ and preferred to sip Martinis in the more sophisticated bars with his fellow celebrity friends.
But where he was heading and who he was about to hang with, he knew he was in for a crazy night. Old memories of his wild child-days dancing on tables in his platform boots before going home with random guys all whilst on a whole cocktail of drink and drugs came flashing back.
He knew he shouldn’t be going down that route again, but it was the only way he knew to numb that horrible empty feeling he’d had for weeks. After all, it was how he’d coped after previous break-ups and he’d gotten over those, right..?
Adam felt tears well up in his eyes, not sure he’d ever get over Kris Allen.
Not wanting to ruin the turquoise eyeshadow he’d spent fifteen minutes applying, Adam tried to shake Kris off his mind and turned up the radio.
‘It’s me!’ he cried, cranking the volume to the loudest setting and singing along off-key to For Your Entertainment.
Even in his drunken state, he knew what he was doing was dumb and would probably be splashed all over TMZ and Twitter in the morning.
But as he screeched away to his own song on the radio and swerved in and out of lanes, Adam finally felt free of that aching emptiness in his heart, free of putting on fake smiles for everybody... and free of missing Kris like crazy.
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