A Day in the Life

[alexsious]

You know I had thoughts that I wanted to put down in this journal. Me ranting and raving about how every day I feel sub-par. Inferior to those around me. I put all the effort I can muster into the things I actually care about and what is my return? Nil. I am always giving and giving and giving and giving. Trying to help those around me. Encouraging

Comments

[altivo]

Um, no? Crowd surfing is common behavior for those of us who are of above average intelligence. I think the reason is little related to autism and more related to over-intellectualizing things where our brethren just follow their emotions and jump in. Nothing wrong with either side on that.

Having been an outsider for more than half a century, I can tell you it isn't all that bad. I have perspective and foresight beyond that of most, and a terrific creative imagination that can be turned to writing or art or just about anything I choose. At this point, if someone doesn't appreciate what I do or how, I just shrug them off.

From what I've seen, you have a lot of potential. Don't get sidetracked in trivialities, but you have to learn to follow your heart.

[alexsious]

I keep telling myself to shrug off those who don't appreciate me, but it feels like that would mean shrugging off the entire world. I HATE the feeling of recluding from society, but it feels like that would be what I need to do. I want to follow my heart, but I always get met with disappointment. So now my brain and heart are constantly at war with each other, and I am just sitting on the sidelines waiting to see who is victorious. It feels like I don't get to play any vital part in this day to day skirmish.

[altivo]

But the truth is, much of the day to day skirmish is just a waste of energy.

Whether you see this as bad news or good, it's my considered opinion that gifted folks like yourself or Marzolan are never going to swim in the mainstream. I felt unhappy about that for myself at one time, so I can sympathize up to a point, but over the years I've come to see it as a good thing. It can free us from a lot of time and energy sinks and let us achieve in other directions, so that we fly where others walk, or, if you will, climb the mountain while they stay in the valley.

I know this sounds elitist or something, but it's a part of reality too, and we have to deal with it somehow.

[alexsious]

I understand what you are saying. It seems I am impatient with my life. It would really help to see where I fly. thats kind of been the issue, the things I feel I am good at, seem to be where in actuality, I struggle the most :(. That is what makes me disappointed with myself.

[marzolan]

Now I see why you weren't in a good mood today. Alexsious, my friend, this is one of those growing pains we all go through. I've been there, both in the past and recently, Tivo's been there, and I wager almost everyone you know, whether they'll admit it or not, has been here. You've had a good deal of disadvantages in your life, and that, i think, contributes to this feeling. You aren't sub-par. You're a very intelligent person. You know I don't befriend the dumb masses :P. But barring that, you mentioned today that you feel bad coming to me for help sometimes. Don't. Have I not asked you question along the way? Have there not been times where I was wrong and you had the right idea from the start? I owe you an apology on some level. I tend to get braggy, and that's wrong of me. For that I'm sorry. I do my best to control it, but it's a holdover from my own childhood that seems to be stuck as a part of me. The bottom line though is that you can get where you want to go. I mean look at you, you've already got a job in the area you're

[alexsious]

Thank you very much. You do help me alot. My issue comes from wanting to be naturally great without all the hard work. I know I am being impatient with myself. That I don't like about myself. I try to be patient, but my rational side still doesn't have control over my irrational side. (you know how deeply I try to ground myself in reality)

As for the girl, she goes to UNA so it will be harder to make a fast physical relationship, so she and I can do more talking than I did with my previous girlfriend. Though I have a feeling that if I visit her, things would get physical. Sometimes I wish I could just learn from MY mistakes. Me make them and learn...but as the ancient chinese proverb goes "a wise man learns from others mistakes, a fool learns from his own."

I do thank you for looking out for me, whether I feel thats what I want. I know its what I need.