The Confessions Chapters 1-4
The Confessions
Chapter 1: The Confession
At the top of a New York senator’s penthouse apartment was Olivia Benson, and her old friend visiting from West Hollywood, California.. One of the gayest cities in the country.
“So spill,” gleamed the clearly drunken man who was dressed and manicured better than most of the women at the party downstairs. “Olivia, how far do we go back?” he asked sipping his drink.
Olivia couldn’t hold back her smile, she covered her smile lightly with her hand.
Olivia’s usually stoic persona was being peeled, layer by layer, with each drink she had.
“Honey,” grinned the drunken man, “I haven’t seen you watch a woman like that, since professor FonLohr.” He raised an eye brow at her implying ‘you cant fool me honey..’
Olivia gasped, “Fuck.” She looked at him and bit her lip. Then her face flattened to a serious threat, “I swear on your damn queer life if you EVER tell -”
“Ohh honey pleeease.” he said as he bent his hand in the air flamboyantly, “It’s in the queer vault.”
Olivia swigged the last few sips of her beer. “The thing is..” She paused. “Every time she walks in the room, I feel like my nerves are on fire.” She paused again. “And jesus, every time she looks at me, or I get a glimpse of her smile, or her body…” Olivia paused again. “Those legs, her lips, her breast, the way her ass fits in her skirts.. If I’m simply in the same room as her, I..” She paused again. “She makes me so wet.” Olivia admitted hesitantly, grabbing his drink and sipping it.
Michael stood there gleaming at her smiling. He took back his drink. “You got it bad girl.” he said shaking his head smiling at her. “I think this is worse than your Kathryn,” he said.
“I just can never think clearly with her around.. It’s like every time she walks in the room, it‘s like,” Olivia lowered her voice into a sarcastic sigh and laughed, “how am I gonna concentrate?!”
They both laughed a bit and he placed his well groomed hand on her bare shoulder. “Olivia, you got to let this go. Unless she’s an avid vagitarian, you got to let this go honey. After Jane and that whole straight girl fiasco, I’ll be damned if I let that happen again.” he said with a cocked eye.
Olivia looked down at her feet recalling the pain of her last straight girl crush. “I don’t know what she is, Michael. Sometimes I think she’s just, so there.. Then reality hits me and I realize she’s as straight as every other New York princess looking for her million dollar dick.” Olivia took another sip of her beer bottle, but shook it and peered inside the bottle realizing she already drank it all. She placed it down on the table beside her.
“I just.. I have these fantasies about her.. All the time. And I mean,” she looked him in the eye sternly, “ALL the time.” She looked back out the window. “And it’s progressing, if it’s even possible. It’s like, I lay awake all night thinking about her, well, trying to not think about her, so I can actually fall asleep. But eventually, I imagine fucking her against the wall, then before I know it I’m wet again and I have to get myself off just to fall asleep.”
Michael’s face went from a condescending smirk to sympathetic shock. He handed her his drink, “I think youu need this more than me girl.”
Olivia grabbed it and took a long sip as she nodded.
“And then, the second I wake up, she’s the first thing on my mind, and I’m right back at it! I’m fucking her on her desk, or in the shower, or eating her pussy on the kitchen table as she comes.” Olivia said vividly, then sighed. She finished off the drink and passed it to him while still staring out the window.
“And God. My God. When I watch her in court, and she’s prosecuting perps on the stand.. I just..” Olivia paused, “Despite the harsh reality of the cases,” she bite her lip, “I can’t help but fantasize about gently biting her neck, and then I run my fingers outside her panties over her clit, “ Olivia’s eyes started to gleam as she stared out the window still enraptured in her fantasy, “and I wrap my lips around her nipples, and I wrap my lips around her fingers, and I wrap my lips around her clit, and I”
Suddenly down the hall the elevator beeped, and laughing drunken guests could be heard stumbling off.
They eventually walked into the room where Olivia and Michael were standing observing the view of the city. The parties smiled at one another nodding.
Olivia turned to Michael and mouthed, “We’ll finish this later.”
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Chapter 2
The next day at work, Olivia was a bit hung over. She sat at her desk drinking water.
“Drink too much last night Olivia?” asked Finn.
Olivia smiled, “That’s an understatement.” And she finished off her water.
“Too bad I missed it.” Said the husky voice. Olivia nearly drooled water out of her mouth when she heard the woman enter. She looked up and whipped her mouth, “Hey Alex,” she licked her lips clean, “Well, you were there. It wasn’t that great.”
Alex walked up and stopped next to Fin and Munch who stood by their desks talking. Alex kept her eyes on Olivia. “I was there for about an hour. I had a dinner in Westchester I had to get to. But I do regret missing you drunk.” said Alex almost smiling for once. Alex had a red smoothie in her hand and sipped it.
Olivia smirked, but Munch stole the opportunity for Olivia to make a witty comment.
“Oh come on Alex, a room full of New York’s most distinguished suitors and you leave for a dinner in Westchester?” said Munch smiling.
Alex turned her entire body to Munch, giving him a look then paused choosing her words wisely, “Yes. I did.”
She turned back to Olivia and Olivia responded standing up, “I wasn’t around much either, I ran into an old friend.”
“Oh.” said Alex questionably.
Fin’s cell went off. He picked it up and stepped away from the group, “You get the blood work?” Fin motioned to Munch. Munch grabbed his jacket and they left.
“You slammed with work?” Alex asked.
Olivia shook her head, “Nah, paperwork mostly. I’m taking it easy today, I’m actually going to go get some food in my stomach.” she said rubbing her tummy that was covered in a tight cranberry sweater. Alex took note watching her movements.
She walked closer to Olivia staring her deep in the eye and took one last sip of her smoothie. “You hungry?” she asked.
Olivia nodded, “Starving.” she replied.
Alex handed her the smoothie, “Have the rest of my smoothie.”
Olivia took it smiling and opened her mouth to say thanks. But Alex spoke first.
Alex said, “wrap your lips around this.” Alex starred at her intensely. Olivia’s smile immediately faded and she felt the rush of blood run into her cheeks. Alex continued the intense eye contact, then almost smirked. She turned around and started to walk away confidently, striding across the room and out of the precinct.
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Chapter 3: The Blow Up
Olivia stormed into the back room that was empty and slammed the door. She put the smoothie on the table and banged the wall with her fist, “Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shiit!!” exclaimed Olivia. She turned around and slammed back into the door resting against it. She covered her face with her hands, she could still feel the heat radiating from her cheeks. She sighed, then felt she had to get one more rage of anger and embarrassment out, “Fuuck!” She yelled out one last time. She just stared across the room, completely dumbfounded. Her jaw remanded dropped, and she let it sink in.
She knows. Alex Cabot, New York’s most sexually desired lawyer by every cop, lawyer and citizen, knows what I said. Then it hit her.
“Michael!!” She exclaimed under her breath. She pulled out her iphone and called Michael.
Across town Michael was having brunch with a group of his old gay buddies who still remained in the city. He picked up his phone motioning to his friends, “Excuse me.” He answered, “Hello Olivia!” he said happily. Olivia responded to loudly that she could be heard at the entire table.
“Michael what the HELL were you thinking!” Michael lifted the phone away from his ear.
“what? What are you talking ab-”
“Don’t bullshit me Michael she knows! She fucking knows why the fuck would you-”
“What the hell are you talking about girl?”
“Last night's confession!! You told HER EVERYTHING I said and SHE knows!” yelled Olivia back getting even more furious.
Michael paused, “What? She knows?” Michael turned his head around and noticed the entire coffee shop could now hear their conversation, especially Olivia on the other end. He stood up an walked to the window, ignoring the observers. “Olivia, I never said a damn-”
“BULLSHIT Michael! She just confronted me! At work! She just walked in and -”
This time Michael cut her off, “Olivia, where did we go after that last night?”
Olivia paused, scratching her head, “Uh, down to Buster’s to get some sushi.”
“And after that?” he asked.
Olivia’s face went pale, “home.”
“Right. So when in Greek God’s name do you think I found his woman. Huh? You think I tracked her down in the phone book, showed up at her apartment and gushed like a seventh grader’s best friend to playing cupid?!” he exclaimed almost insulted that Olivia didn’t trust him.
Olivia sank into the chair just holding the phone next to her ear. Her mouth parted and she slowly breathed, even though her heart was beating so hard she could feel it. “Oh my god. Someone must have heard.”
“Yea, maybe that someone was her.” Said Michael walking back to his table.
His friend at the table whispered, “Who is that? What‘s going on?”
Michael held his hand over the phone, “It’s a lesbian.”
“Ohh,” exclaimed the table of gay males.
“Olivia, honey, you know me. I would never have put your heart or your job on the line by doing that. Someone over heard, and you, you’re a detective, figure it out before the rest of the city finds out. So far this coffee shop does, and undoubtedly your whole precinct does now too.” He said.
Olivia looked up, “Shit. Michael I have to go. I’ll call you later.” She quickly hung up the phone and it dawned on her that she was yelling the whole time. “Shit.” She said dragging her hands through her short hair. She took the smoothie, then placed her hand on the door knob and hesitated to open it. What if they all heard me? What if they already know?
She opened it and walked out as if nothing had happened. The precinct was buzzing with phones ringing and people rushing through the room. Munch, Elliot, and Fin were gone. Safe, she thought to herself.
She sat at her desk sighing, still in a state of shock. She just starred at the drink, Alex’s smoothie, as it stood in front of her on her desk. IT was half full. It was Alex’s drink. Her lips, her tongue, her mouth had been on that very straw. Olivia bit her lip, this is torture. Olivia grabbed the drink and wrapped her soft, red lips around the straw, slowly sucking up the liquid. As it hit her tongue her eyes nearly fluttered and she couldn’t get enough. God this is delicious, this tastes like Alex. Then Olivia started thinking about what Alex had just done. Was she mocking me? Is she mad? Uncomfortable? Is she just fucking with me now? Or could she be, no, she couldn’t be…
“Olivia!” said a stern loud voice breaking her thoughts. She looked up, it was Cragen putting on his jacket.
“Yea Cap?” she stopped sipping Alex’s drink.
“Get your jacket, you’re coming with me.” He started walking to the door.
“Where?” Cragen just glanced over to her not answering.
Olivia grabbed her black petty coat and put it on, then places her black winter hat over her head causing a few short locks of hair to stick out. She followed the captain outside.
Olivia caught up with him outside, “What’s this about?” asked Olivia buttoning up her coat.
They kept walking, Cragen looked to her, then straight forward as they walked.
“Whatever the hell just went on in there with you.”
Olivia’s face froze. She refused to glance at him.. Cragen waited..
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Chapter 4: Coming Out Is Hard To Do…
Cragen stopped walking as they passed a coffee shop, “You want one?” He asked. Olivia nodded silently.
As they walked down the busy streets of the city holding their coffees, Olivia bit her lip attempting to say the first word. Cragen glanced to her.
“You going to talk, or are we going to walk this entire city in silence?” asked Cragen.
Olivia stopped walking and sat on a bench. Cragen followed suit. She leaned out onto her legs resting on her arms on her knees looking down. She glanced around the city, the people walking by, and the noises of voices, cell phones, taxi horn wars, and the chatter of 6 million New Yorkers.
“What do you want me to say.” She said plainly looking to him.
“Olivia, I’ve been a cop for the better part of your life. I have three daughters, and a son. I interrogate murderers and rapists for a living. You don’t think I haven’t picked p on you at least once since I’ve known you?” he asked followed by sipping his coffee.
Olivia smirked a little and then nodded. “Why didn’t you ever ask?” she said glaring at him unable to hold her smile knowing he was an accepting man of her orientation.
“Because it was none of my damn business.”
Olivia smiled and looked down at her feet. “I wouldn’t have been offended.”
“So, what is the verdict then? What the hell is going on with you today? I understand you get stressed on the job, we all do. But I can‘t allow you to bring your personal life here if it‘s going to effect your job.”
“I uhh, I just found out something. About someone this morning. Something they shouldn’t have found out, concerning me, and I, I lost it. I’m sorry Cap. It wont happen again.”
Cragen sat there staring out onto the streets of people, he wanted to ask more, but he didn’t want to intrude. Olivia looked at him, and knew from his expression.
Olivia looked at him. “It’s been a process, Cragen. It’s taken me years. It was never easy, it never has been easy, especially in this line of work.“
“It’s hard enough being a women in this line of work Olivia, you certainly have earned a lot of respect in this line of work for how much you can handle, let alone..” he paused.
“It makes it even harder.“ Olivia paused looking at the scenery. “During my early twenties, it was a lot harder.. I thought I was just, well, you know, confused and.. But now.. Well..” She paused. She looked to Cragen whose accepting wise eyes made it easy to speak.
“I’m gay.” she said.
Cragen placed a hand on her shoulder. He then smiled, “You’re the strongest women I know Olivia.”
Olivia smiled, “Thanks.” Starting to feel to sentimental, she added, “you commie, homo loving son of a bitch.” she smiled.
They both started laughing. Cragen got a good laugh, more than he’s had in years.
Olivia looked to Cragen, “Lunch?” she asked. Cragen nodded and they headed down the side walk.
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