(Untitled)

[alchymyst]

So, with all those vacations and holidays and work and kanji wars and watching Torchwood from episode 1, I haven't been sitting much. This is pretty noticeable. Insanity kicks in. The brain starts making up crazy stuff like 'this sucks and will suck forever' or 'I am running out of time and must get pissed off if I waste even 10 minutes of it' (

Comments

[girl_in_blue]

hm, i feel like i need to start doing this.

[soft_buddhist]

I am really struggling with my meditation now. I have gotten over a lot of obstacles, but this new one is really tough. When I sit quietly, feelings of such deep grief come up that I can hardly stand it. I told my teacher about it and he came up with "You need to stop being so hard on yourself. You need to find a way to be a loving friend to yourself." Although I think this is very important, and I am doing my best now to be nice to myself, I still have trouble with my meditation. So... I guess I am trying to say that you are very blessed to feel so good in meditation. )

[alchymyst]

I am just so damn lazy. :(

Try doing metta just for yourself? I've heard from Sharon Salzberg that she once did nothing but metta for herself for a month.

[soft_buddhist]

And I just heard about a monk who laid in bed for days holding himself when he was beginning to feel unloved. This is interesting. I will try metta. Great idea. I also got a book on mindful self compassion. Maybe this is where I should have began in the first place. :)

more on metta

[alchymyst]

So I've been reading Pema Chodron's When Things Fall Apart. It seems like what she is saying is 'you have problems because you don't have enough loving-kindness towards yourself. Before you can get all bodhisattva-like, radiating compassion towards others, you need to learn to have compassion towards yourself'. In this light, doing nothing but metta towards yourself doesn't seem like a silly idea at all. Maybe I should try it too.