TITLE: Your Unnecessary Tension Makes My Radar Go Haywire (5/7)
PAIRING: HydexYukihiro (onesided?) and KenxTetsu
LENGTH: Multi-chaptered
BANDS: L'Arc~en~Ciel, and Gackt makes a small appearance later on.
GENRE: A bit off Fluff, comedy, romance, and drama/angst... It's a big mix.
RATING: Overall --> PG to R
WARNINGS: Language and sexual themes/situations in later chapters.
SUMMARY: Hyde has fallen for Yukihiro and a disturbance within the band is a good excuse to spend some bonding time with the quiet drummer. Complications, of course, will ensue as they struggle to sort things out for the band, their friends, and themselves.
PARTS:
01 |
02 |
03 |
04 |
IMPORTANT NOTE!!!:
OKAY! SO..... about the wait for this one..... Yeah, I don't have a decent excuse this time. :| I'm just horrible, SORRY SORRY! I got caught up in the other fic I was posting and kinda.... forgot about this? *hides* More like, I squeezed time in to post that one, and didn't for this one.... ANYWAY
The short story is that I suck.
HOWEVER, this is my favourite chapter, I think (for reasons apparent after you read it). Does it make you forgive me?
** also, I finished that other fic so I should be less distracted by it now. Frequent updates? YES SIR! I'll have the next one up next week! I promise! **
CHAPTER 5
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There was a long tense silence while the bassist and guitarist fumed in silence; waiting for the other two band members to leave. Ken was the one who spoke first.
“…Tetsu-“
Tetsu glared at him, suddenly sweeping past the taller man and going to look over the railing at the back of the boat.
“Tetsu! Just listen to me.” Ken followed him, stopping a few feet behind his younger friend.
“I’m not interested.”
Ken ignored that comment. “I don’t know what that was all about a minute ago, I swear. Maybe Yuki got the wrong idea or something, but I-“
“I think you have the wrong idea. I’m not stupid enough to believe that, Ken. You can stop pretending there’s nothing going on between you because it’s pretty obvious.”
“But I’m not lying to you! He’s never acted like that around me before! You must see that! He and I are just friends, that’s all we’ve ever been. I don’t see him that way. He’s not y-“
“What am I supposed to believe, Ken?!” Tetsu spun around so his back was up against the railing. “You or my own eyes?!”
“What??”
“I saw you two.” Ken looked incredulous. “Yeah. And you can’t pretend that wasn’t what it looked like.”
“What are you talking about? When? Doing what?”
“Last week! Yukihiro left his cell at my place.” He reached into his coat pocket, pulling out the drummer’s cellular phone and waving it as evidence before shoving it back inside. “I meant to return it right away, but when I got there I decided it was better not to interrupt.”
“Interr-?…” Ken trailed off, going pale as he remembered the afternoon Tetsu was talking about. He’d been so angry, so upset, after the argument in the bassist’s kitchen. It had brought back all the emotions he’d experienced earlier in the year, opening up wounds that had been starting to heal and letting them bleed like they were fresh and raw. The quiet drummer had been the only person he could turn to -knowing he’d comfort him without pressing for details-, and he’d needed some physical comfort so badly… He’d been desperate, and it was just a hug. A hug between friends.
Tetsu barreled on, taking the guitarist’s suddenly pale complexion as confirmation. “You couldn’t wait to jump him. Right in the hall, huh?” He sneered. “How desperate are you?”
“You’re wrong. We were just hugging. We’re friends, Tetsu! Is hugging so wrong between friends?”
“That didn’t look like a hug between friends. It looked like the intimate beginnings of something else.”
“You obviously didn’t stick around to make sure.”
He scoffed. “I’m not a voyeur.”
“You’re being ridiculous. Yuki’s a great friend. He’s been there for me for months now! We’re just-“
“So all it takes to win Ken Kitamura’s heart is a few months of sympathy? You bounce back fast.”
“No-!”
“That’s all it takes, and you expect me believe all this crap about you being in love with me?!”
“Yes! Listen to me. Forget about Yuki for a min-”
“Stop asking me to forget about things! Ken, admit it. You were messing around with me.”
“I would never.”
Tetsu glared silently at him.
“Fine. You want me to admit it? I am in love with you.” Ken’s hands balled into fists at his sides. “In love. And my feelings for you aren’t something that just happened over a couple months. Tet, we’ve been friends as long as I can remember. Best friends, but it’s been at least a decade since I started feeling differently towards you. A fucking decade!”
“Ken-…”
“I have to say this. You have to let me finish this time.” Tetsu didn’t continue. “For the first few years I was in denial, and then I just tried to ignore how I felt. Because we were such good friends, because I knew you were more interested in managing the band than managing relationships. I didn’t want to be a burden, and I was afraid you wouldn’t accept how I felt. I just didn’t want to lose you!” His eyes were watering, Tetsu watched him with a wide-eyed but otherwise unreadable expression. “I just wanted to look out for you, make sure you were happy. I dropped out of university because you needed me to help you out. That ruined my relationship with my parents -maybe forever-, you know? But if I could go back and do it over, I’d still have dropped out. I might have done it a little differently, so they wouldn’t be so mad, but I’d still be here right now. Let everyone think that it’s because I didn’t want to be a salary man, that my real dream was to be a musician, or that I loved the band too much to go back and fulfill my parents’ wishes for me when they found out what I’d done. That stuff might have been part of what I told the media, and myself, but what keeps me here is you. I love you too much to leave. I love seeing you smile whenever L’Arc tops the charts or the fans scream our names at events… I didn’t realize why back then, but I wanted to be a part of your life, I wanted to help you achieve your dream…”
Tetsu swallowed. Ken’s voice was shaking slightly.
“But, I’m still only human. And I can’t help being selfish with you. We came so far; L’Arc is one of the biggest bands in Japan. This is what you’ve dreamed of, isn’t it? The hardest part is over, we climbed the ladder and now… What about my dream? I wanted you. I wanted to tell you. It took me two years to get the courage up to actually say something to you… and you wouldn’t even listen.” Tetsu opened his mouth as though he wanted to say something but Ken continued speaking, not giving him the chance to do so. “I get that you’re not interested. Fine, I’m trying to accept that. But don’t-… Don’t question my sincerity. Don’t say that my feelings don’t mean anything, because that’s a lie. For ten years you’re the only one who’s had a real place in my heart. Just because you don’t return my feelings now doesn’t mean I can so easily replace you.” He took a deep breath. “It’s not so easy for me to forget either.”
There was a long silence. Ken stared at the wooden deck and Tetsu stared at his downturned face. A very long silence.
“…Don’t.”
Ken looked up slowly. Tetsu was still staring at him, and the utterance had been such a faint whisper that he wondered if he’d imagined it.
“… Don’t forget.” Tetsu closed his eyes for a moment, licking his dry lips. “I don’t deserve to ask that of you, but… I’m-... I’m selfish too.” He cracked his eyes open, staring down at the guitarist’s shoes rather than meeting his gaze and facing that hurt, confused, expression again. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Ken. I-… Maybe you were right. Was I scared? Or… in denial… I really don’t know. I didn’t listen to you, you were right. You’ve always been right.” He choked, the lump in his throat stinging painfully. “I-I’m terrible to you. You’ve done so much for me and I overlook it all. I take you for granted all the time, and I didn’t think you-“ He broke off, shaking his head. “We’ve been best friends forever! That’s all we’ve ever been and I really never thought you’d ever s-see us differently! So it was really sudden! I didn’t believe- I thought you were just fooling around. There was no way you were serious, I thought- I thought-… I don’t know what I was thinking…” He closed his eyes, sighing with frustration. “… I’m just sorry.”
“Sorry?” Ken breathed the word like it was completely foreign to him.
“…For the last few months… for everything…” The bassist breathed, shoulders slumped as he leant his weight back on the railing.
Another long silence hung between them.
“Tetsu… What does this mean?” Ken sounded wary, as though he were afraid of hoping too much.
Slowly, Tetsu lifted his gaze and parted his lips. Ken was watching him intently and almost fearfully. “Let’s… both forget.” For a second Ken looked crushed. “Let’s forget these last few months ever happened and… And start again.” Ken looked up, shocked. “If you’re willing, I mean. I want to t-try again…” His voice cracked and he looked away, mentally berating himself.
“Tetsu.”
His nails cut into his palms and he sniffed, trying to control himself.
“Tetsu, look at me.”
Tetsu raised his gaze slowly to the guitarist’s. He could barely see, the tears welled in his eyes blurred everything and stretched and distorted the twinkling lights above them. Ken was looking at him evenly, expression neutral enough not to give his intentions away as he took a step forward, and then another, and then stopped when he was only a couple steps away from the trembling bassist.
“There’s something I want to tell you, Tet.” Ken licked his lips pensively and Tetsu fought the urge to look away.
Ken seemed to be waiting for a response, so he forced one out in a whisper. “...What?”
”That… I love you.”
Starting over.
It was like winding the clock back to New Years, only this time… Tetsu smiled.
A exhalation of breath that was half sob, half laugh, burst out of his throat and that was all it took for his tears to overflow. He nodded, grinning and crying and trying to get words out that -in his emotional state- could only be spoken as a choked whisper. “M-me too…”
Ken’s lips turned upwards, hesitantly at first, like he couldn’t quite believe it. He breathed out a laugh, taking a step closer. “You mean it?”
Tetsu nodded again, biting his lip as his tears continued to fall. Ken was right in front of him, and he reached out, fiddling absentmindedly with the pockets on his jacket and clenching the fabric in his fists. “…Yeah, I do.”
He didn’t have to look up to know that Ken was grinning; he could hear the relief and elation when he exhaled, as though he’d been holding his breath. And then the guitarist’s arms were wrapped tightly around him, crushing him comfortably against his chest. Tetsu continued to sob into the soft fabric of his sweater. His fingers curled tighter in the cool leather jacket, feeling like he might never want to let go.
It was comfortable.
Ken pulled back a bit though, tilting the bassist’s chin up and taking in his red nose, wet cheeks and trembling lips. The lights above reflected in Tetsu’s watery eyes, shimmering, and Ken couldn’t stand to look anymore. His chest felt like it would explode, he was so happy. So he leant in, closing the distance between them as he pressed their lips together gently.
Tetsu shivered, letting his eyes flutter closed. Ken held him close with one hand, while he trailed the other up to slide through his hair and brush across his cheek. Gently. Everything was done gently. More tears seeped from beneath his lids and he trembled under that calloused touch when Ken’s thumbs ran beneath his eyes, wiping away crystalline teardrops. How stupid had he been to deny them this for so many months…? Spurred by his frustration with himself, he pulled Ken down to him, responding passionately to the kiss. He parted the guitarist’s lips, letting go of his jacket to reach up and tangle his fingers in Ken’s dark, wavy, hair.
Ken didn’t mind this change of pace one bit. He delved his tongue into the other’s mouth, marking to memory the bandleader’s distinct taste, mixed with that of the beer he’d drank earlier. His hands raked down Tetsu’s back and sides, feeling every dip and curve, before slipping beneath the material of his shirt to finally touch that smooth, heated, skin. Tetsu moaned quietly into his mouth, suddenly pushing him backwards across the deck.
“What is it?” He asked, pulling away to breathe and then gasping softly when Tetsu nipped at his jaw.
The bassist ran his tongue over the spot he’d used his teeth on before murmuring against the skin. “It’s too warm out here…”
It was only April. Late April, but it still wasn’t that warm out this late at night, particularly not out on the water. Ken glanced down at Tetsu’s expression and got the suggestion. He raised an eyebrow but chuckled, abruptly stopping their slow, stumbling, pace to scoop the smaller man up into his arms. Tetsu gave a yelp of surprise as his feet left the ground, but promptly wrapped his arms around Ken’s neck and leant back in, laughing giddily into the kiss.
“Shit! They’re coming this way!” Hyde exclaimed, scrambling to his feet and pulling the drummer up behind him. “Hide!”
They scurried down the hall below deck, not wanting to be caught spying. Hyde made to duck into the first room, but Yuki caught him by the hand and prevented him from doing so.
“Hyde, no. That’s the only cabin down here.”
Hyde frowned as the drummer tried to tug him away. “So…?” Yukihiro gave him a look and his eyes widened with a realization as Ken’s weighted steps sounded on the stairs. “O-oh!” The vocalist allowed the blonde to pull him into the storage room, kicking the doorstop aside and shutting the door behind them with a click.
They sat there in the dark and silence for a few long moments -they were afraid to turn the light on in case some got out from beneath the door and gave them away-, waiting to hear that Ken and Tetsu had vacated the dimly lit hall.
Wait… a click?
The door shut with a click?
Hyde’s hands went to his jeans pockets, fumbling inside and turning up empty before doing the same to his coat.
“Shit!”
“What??” Yuki sounded alarmed by his panicked tone.
“I don’t have the keys!”
“…”
“I left the door open so I wouldn’t have to keep unlocking it. The keys are in the control room, upstairs!”
There was some shuffling as Yukihiro fumbled for the door in the darkness and then the metallic jiggle of a knob being turned without luck.
“Hyde… It’s locked.”
“Fuck.”
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To be continued. Soon, I swear.
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