The Empty Finality (WW Chall23)
Title: The Empty Finality
Entry: Watson's Woes Challenge 23
Prompt:
[18. Prompt]
I've always thought it was a particularly foolish move for Holmes to fight off Moriarty's goons on his way to Watson's Kensington house in FINA, close the blinds because he suspects they are being watched by a man with an air-gun, and then exit the house by the back garden wall, for all intents and purposes leaving the people watching the house to think he's still inside. Rather dangerous for Watson, in my opinion, for Moriarty's network to think he's harboring their boss's Most Wanted, when in reality Holmes is halfway across London in a bolthole or some such. I've always wanted to read an AU that dealt with this issue in some fashion, but have never come across one.
Author: alaylith
Rating: PG
Universe: ACD bookverse
Characters: Holmes, Watson, Moran, Moriarty
WordCount: 6.805
Summary: There was something Moriarty wanted, something Moran detested and something Holmes feared. At the center of it all was Watson, who was the one worried.
A/N: Well, this was a torture to write. At first I was worried that I would not be able to get the 1k words and then I was unable to stop with this monstrous plot bunny. Sadly I got a bit (lot) carried away from the original prompt when the plot bunny took my muse to run a few circles around the garden... I am sorry for that. :(
I still hope that you like the story at least, even if it's not so much about the prompt anymore...
Nevertheless I have been quite surprised how much fun it was to write Moran & Moriarty, as I had never written them before, o_O
(you'll notice that because Moran's part is the longest...)
Now have fun with the story and if you'll excuse me; I've got to buy a leash with spikes. Oh and a recipe for rabbit stew... ._.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The first thing which made James Moriarty curious was not Holmes himself.
Holmes of course is a powerful man; powerful, special and dangerous.
Moriarty is no fool and immediatly realized what exactly Holmes is - an element in his formula he might not be able to calculate.
A man, who might be able to stop him.
But even though Holmes is such an extraordinaire man, he is not unique.
There is his brother Mycroft - Moriarty of course knows about the central mind of the English government and then there is he himself; the criminal mastermind.
They may be special and almost like no other, but there are still three of them.
So they are not unique.
But there is a man; a man who immediatly caught Moriarty's attention even without knowing it.
It happened a few years ago, even before Holmes knew of Moriarty personally - the amateur knew that there was some kind of man in control of most English crimes, but he knew nothing more at that time.
Moriarty wanted to see for himself what kind of man this so called consulting detective was and as there is no better judge than himself he went to Baker Street.
Moriarty's thought when seeing Sherlock Holmes for the first time was how young the man was compared to himself. Holmes wasn't even thirty yet and already he was such a powerful opponent. Moriarty knew that he would have to be careful, because Holmes would only grow more dangerous with age as he personally experienced.
He was already turning away to leave - it would not do to attract the sleuth's attention so soon - when Holmes shouted something and another man appeared in the door of the flat, looking at Holmes with a fond expression on his face.
And it was this man that caught Moriarty's attention.
The man smiled at Holmes, a warm and loving smile and his eyes twinkled with amusement and tender fondness. He laughed gently about something Holmes said, before Holmes tucked his arm through his and they both strolled down the street - all the time talking and laughing.
Moriarty knew the price of being a genius - you always were alone. Most people could not understand you, some were jealous of your superiority, others despised you and a few even feared you. In all his life Moriarty never found someone who was able to accept him, someone to truely care about him.
Even though you are able to survive on your own, Moriarty was intelligent enough to realize that every man needed someone in his life - no man could remain alone for all his time. So Moriarty knew the coldness and emptiness which nested inside of him, but he learned to live with it.
He always believed that there could never be a human who could not only understand, but accept and care for men like him.
But Holmes - this young, foolish and dangerous boy - had found someone; had found the one man who was the perfect match.
The man who was truely unique.
Watching the both disappear at the end of the street, Moriarty knew that Holmes may be even more dangerous than he had thought.
Because he had something that Moriary did not have; something that Moriarty could not even name himself.
Something that Moriarty had always yearned to own ....
He wanted this unique man; this man who could smile and laugh and look into their eyes without cringing in fear. A man who did not withdraw from their coldness and superiority, but was willing to share his warmth.
He wanted him, wanted him so desperately.
He wanted John Watson.
And Moriarty always got what he wanted.
+++
The first moment when Sebastain Moran felt jealousy was when he saw the expression in the professor's eyes watching the doctor from afar.
Moran deeply respected the professor and admired his character.
The professor was not only intelligent, but strong and powerful and what many did not know he was even generous.
He was willing to take everything he wanted in any way, but he was also willing to share and give if you deserved it.
Moran was not only a servant, even though it began that way - he was a soldier and Moriarty was his commanding officer.
The time changed that dynamic and Moran became the professor's most trusted and loyal companion, as Moran was silently calling himself.
For his services Moran earned the one thing Moriarty gave no one else - trust.
Moran knew of all activities, knew all men in the organisation, knew all plans - Moran knew everything that he could know.
Of course there were a few things Moriarty did not share, but being a soldier Moran knew that there was always something the higher powers had to keep for themselve. Compared to what Moran knew it were only small, unimportant things.
There was even a time when Moran had the distant thought, that Moriarty trained him to be his heir.
There was no one nearer or personally more important to the professor and Moran was proud, even cherished that fact.
But everything changed when Moran for the first time heard of the doctor.
The professor had a meeting when Moran returned from a task, but Moran was always allowed to enter those at any time. Nearing the door he saw one of the lower thugs waiting there, which meant that he had something to report. Being Moriarty's second Moran ordered the thug to tell him the news and he would tell them the professor.
He was quite surprised when the other told him about a doctor, which he followed for the last few days per the professor's orders as he never had heard of this man before and did not know that he was of any interest. Thinking that the report was finished, Moran turned to enter the room when the thug's next word stopped him.
"Oh and his favourite cigarettes are from Bradley, Oxford Street."
Moran looked at him surprised and the thug squirmed lightly, knowing how weird that sounded.
"The professor demanded to know EVERYTHING about the man, including personal details of all kinds."
Moran did not know what he should do with that information, but he dismissed the man and entered the room. Moriarty was talking with several men Moran did not know and no one took notice of him. He took his place at the side of the professor's chair, just a step behind his shoulder and waited patiently.
While he waited Moran considered all the information he heard about this doctor and wondered about the bit about his favourite cigarettes.
Moran was quite sure that the professor did not know his favourite brand of cigars...
When the meeting finished and the other men had left the room, Moran reported about his own mission and then repeated the information regarding the doctor. He noticed the peculiar glint in the professor's eye and wondered anew about the reason the professor might be interested in that man.
"May I ask who this doctor is?" Moran asked after finishing his report. "Is he to be killed?"
Moran had to admit feeling a kind of grim satisfaction asking this, but he recoiled in surprise when the professor flashed him an angry glare.
"No!" Moriarty ordered and his sharp voice echoed in the room. "NEVER dare to hurt this man! No one is to touch him! Am I understood?!"
Moran shook slightly, overwhelmed by the professor's reaction. He had seen the professor enraged before, had seen the deepest expression of emotions in this normally controlled and brilliant man, but never before had the professor directed his rage against him.
Seeing the anger and coldness in the professor's eyes, Moran could only lower his eyes and nodded silently. A deep sigh followed his mute acceptance and the professor left the room, leaving Moran alone without a word and Moran had to swallow painfully as he recognized the disappointed dismissal.
Moran did not hear anything more about the doctor, but he watched several times how others reported to the professor and he could see the weird glint in his eyes.
He did not know what exactly that feeling was which constricted his chest, but he knew that the doctor was the reason for that.
He finally recognized the feeling when he accompanied the professor to one of the parks of London. Moran was the only one who was allowed to be seen with the professor in public and he thought his faux-pas with the doctor was forgiven. He stood beside the bench the professor sat on, thinking that the professor was just enjoying the sunny day, when suddenly the professor straightened and his eyes fixed on a man in the distant.
Moran looked curiously at the man and he immediatly recognized the military bearing of the man as he had seen enough men with a similiar stride. Then his eyes landed on the black bag the man was carrying and Moran realized that he was looking at the doctor the professor was so interested in.
He chanced a look at the professor and the feeling in his chest intensified, when he saw the same glint in the professor's eyes and now as they were fixed on the doctor Moran was able to define the look.
The professor was - for the lack of a better word - longing for the doctor.
And the feeling inside hs chest was a deep and ugly jealousy.
Moran was the most important if not even only person in the professor's life. He was his most loyal servant and trusted confident.
He was the only man the professor would ever need, could ever wish for and should always long for.
Not this crippled and useless man who was nothing compared to his qualities.
"This man...," the professor murmured and Moran startled out of his dark thoughts. "This man is never to be touched, Sebastian. Make sure that no one ever will."
Moran opened his mouth to answer, but the professor interrrupted him. "Promise me."
It was an order and Moran would never - could never disobey this man. "Of course, professor."
He ignored the little voice whispering in his head, saying that the order sounded more desperate than demanding.
He also ignored the fleeting moment of defiance, fueled by jealously, when he thought about how satisfiying it would be to shoot Dr. John Watson.
At least for the moment...
+++
Holmes became scared of Moriarty when he realized that the Napoleon of crime wanted his boswell.
It took him years to find the professor - he and his brother knew quite early that there was a single man behind most of England's crimes and Holmes made it his personal goal to find this man.
He was surprised and admittingly awed by the professor's large control over the city and their criminals. For his younger - arrogant and selfish - self this was an impossible challenge; a game with a strong and worthy opponent and he was willing to risk anything to win.
He knew of Moriarty's power, his brutality and destroying tendency, but the game was just too alluring to ever feel scared.
That changed one rainy morning and the possibilities of what might have happened if the professor were still alive would haunt him for all eternity.
It were just a few years before Reichenbach, right before Watson left him for his wife. The morning was cold and wet; winds howled through the streets and even though the sun was up the city was gloomy. He had nothing to do and Watson was about to leave for his charity work at one of the poorer hospitals.
The door to their sitting room had just closed behind the doctor and Holmes got up to look out of the window. His eyes immediatly landed on the man on the other side of the street, who had been watching their flat since their return from the theater the last evening.
Holmes had often seen the man and knew that he belonged to the professor; knew that the professor knew about him and was keeping watch over him. Holmes was no fool and had been careful the last several weeks, as he did not exactly know what the professor had planned.
The professor might see him as a worthy opponent, too and be willing to play the game.
He could also just see him as a nuisance and try to destroy him.
So Holmes was careful and always kept an eye on the men Moriarty sent after him. He could never know when one of them came with the order to kill.
With these thoughts in mind he observed the man and did not really notice how Watson left the house and turned down the street to walk to the hospital (foolish proud man should learn to take a cab in this kind of weather with his leg injury...).
But a cold shudder ran down his spine, when the man left his watching post to follow Watson.
Holmes hurriedly checked if he could see any other man watching the house, but there was no one and why would the man Moriarty sent to watch their flat follow Watson, who knew nothing of the criminal mastermind at that time?!
For a moment his brain stopped working and he could feel the gruesome coldness of shock and dread fill his chest as he watched Watson disappear around the corner of the street and Moriarty's man right behind him.
Then his mind started working again and Holmes rushed to don a hasty disguise, before he ran from the flat and took a short cut to ensure that he reached both men as fast as possible.
For the whole day Holmes shadowed Moriarty's man who followed Watson, neither of them aware that they were followed. The man made no move to draw nearer to Watson, but he was always near enough to listen and to reach the doctor within moments.
For Holmes this was one of the most nerve-racking days in his life, as he could never be sure when the man might attack or what Moriarty even wanted from the doctor. To not endanger the doctor, he always had to stay hidden - Watson nor the man could be allowed to see him.
At the same time he wondered about all the possibilites why Moriarty was observing Watson (and not him) and his mind was quite creative.
The most bizarre thing happened when Watson was on his way back. It was already dark and Watson had been in one of the poorest parts of London - and one of the most dangerous ones. Holmes had always warned him to never walk through these streets in the dark, but Holmes already knew that the doctor would not listen. If there was someone who needed his help, Watson would do everything.
It came as no surprise to Holmes to see another shadow in the darkness, which drew nearer to the doctor. Holmes was already thinking about a way to help Watson without being seen, when Moriarty's man did something unexplainable. He had also noticed the thief and had disappeared in the shadows. Right before the thief was about to jump out of the alley to attack Watson, Moriarty's man attacked the thief and drew him back into the darkness - without making any noise.
Nevertheless Watson stopped for a moment and listened; carefully eyeing the dark streets around him, before he turned away and hurried down the street. Moriarty's man reappeared a moment later and continued to follow him.
When Holmes checked the alley he found the thief lying in the dirt with a broken neck.
Now Holmes wondered not only why Moriarty was interested in Watson, but why he was protecting him. Moriarty wanted Watson alive, but for whatever reason?
And with this discovery Sherlock Holmes got - for the first time in his life - utterly scared.
+++
Even before Watson knew anything about Prof. Moriarty he was already worried.
Watson was in no way as slow as he portrayed himself in his stories. He might not have been as clever als Holmes, but he was observent enough. Especially if it concerned the people he cared about.
Watson knew that Holmes had a big case he worked on for a long time, maybe even longer that Watson knew the man. He knew nothing of the case, he never heard even a whisper about it.
But over the years he had noticed the arrival of secret messages, how Holmes became more careful and more alert about their whereabouts. Holmes had not been lying when he told Watson at their first meeting that he could fall into expressive slumps when he had nothing to do, but with time Watson learned to distinguish real slumps from deep, thoughtful mediations when Holmes had no apparent case.
Holmes might have jokingly told Mrs. Hudson that the dust in his room was an important part of his obersavtions, but Watson saw how Holmes always checked the dust for prints or disturbances in later years.
Holmes might have jokingly told him numerous times that Watson was almost fanatic about his gun, but Watson saw how Holmes regularly checked the weapon himself and made sure to know where the gun and the munitions were.
So even without knowing anything about the case or the involved people, Watson knew his Holmes and that was enough to worry him.
This worry only grew when Watson was about to move out, even forcing him to hint at this dark, hidden case. And for a moment Watson could see the glint in Holmes' eyes and believed that Holmes would finally admit the existence of the case, but the moment passed and Holmes only gifted him with a small smile and told him not to worry so much.
Watson continued to worry - he noticed Holmes' way of movements, similar to those of soldiers expecting an attack; he noticed the new heavy walking stick which Holmes carried often with him; he noticed the Irregulars watching not only Baker Street but also his new home; he noticed often enough Holmes or other men - some he recognized from his few visits to the Diogenese Club - following him all over London.
He noticed how Holmes always checked his person when he returned to their flat or visitied Holmes there after his marriage and he always noticed the small flicker of worry and then relief in Holmes' eyes when he was sure that Watson was alright.
This worry made Watson more careful and suspicious, too and sharpened his instincts. And for that he was thankful.
For one late afternoon shortly before Holmes told him the truth, there came a man to his practice which he was about to close and asked to see him. Watson had never been a doctor to send a patient away, so he invited the man to his consulting room.
The man was quite a bit older and had a hard, cold glint in his eyes - in some ways similiar to Holmes and his movements reminded Watson of a snake in the desert.
But the way the man behaved made Watson uneasy...
He gave only short answers to Watson's questions, but made different kinds of hints as to what was wrong with him - prompting Watson to make a thorough check. And for the first time Watson felt almost revulsion while following his oath.
The man listened with rapt attention to every word he said and his eyes always followed his movement. When Watson touched him he could feel the shudder running through the limbs and hot short puffs of breaths danced over his hands. The heart pounded restlesly and pounded even faster the longer Watson touched the skin of the man.
Chancing a look up to his patient's eyes Watson had to suppress a shudder and had to concentrate not to immediatly withdraw his hands.
For the man's eyes were cold and calculating, but deep within Watson was able to see something akin to greed and - for a lack of a better word - lust directed at him.
Watson finished as fast as possible, realizing that the man was completely healthy and did not come for a consultation. Escorting the man to the door - he wanted to make sure that the man left the house - the man asked if it would be possible for the doctor to visit him in the next few days.
This request in itself was already odd and with the weird behaviour Watson really did not want to visit him. Watson tried to politely excuse himself and for a moment he saw a sharp glint of anger in the man's eyes, before the man wished him a goodnight.
"I hope we will meet again soon, Doctor Watson," the man said before leaving the house and entered the cab which waited for him. Watson sighed deeply and locked the door, then watched through the window until the cab disappeared.
Only then did it occur to him that the man never introduced himself and did not leave any card behind. When he returned to his consulting room Watson was surprised to see a small, black journal on his desk. The book jacket was of expensive leather and on the cover Watson saw his own initials.
Watson did not possess such a journal - he only owned one journal which was a bit more expensive than his normal ones and that had been a present from Holmes.
A cold shudder ran down his spine and Watson took the journal and threw it into the bin.
That evening he pleaded with his wife for her to go and visit a friend for a few days and then he cleaned and loaded his gun; even took the weapon with him into the consulting room.
Only a few days later did he realize what dangerous situation he had been, as he saw the man again. Holmes and he were just leaving the station with their train, when the man ran onto the platform, furious anger burned in his eyes and Holmes introduced him as Prof. James Moriarty.
Watson shivered when he thought about what might have happened if he followed the plea of his patient and visited him.
With a look at Holmes Watson decided to not tell him about Moriarty's visit to his house - he did not wish for Holmes to worry about him.
He had other things to worry about.
+++
When Moriarty finally saw the true extent of Holmes' plans it was already too late. There would be no way for Moriarty to secure his empire and the only way for him to survive and escape was to flee.
It was a bother, an enormous bother, but Moriarty had enough money to contently live for the rest of his life and he did not particular care about where he was. He was too old for such excitement, his work had been a way to employ his mind for the last years, but it was time for him to retire.
He would have liked to do it his own way, but if Holmes wished to take his empire he could have it.
But then it was time for him to claim which he yearned to take for so long - he would need something to occupy his mind with for the last years of his life after all.
And what else could it be than the one man he would never completely understand; who was so unique that it was impossible to compare him with anyone else?
Holmes could take his empire, but Moriarty would take the doctor.
It was a fair trade in his eyes.
+
When Moran saw Holmes sneak towards the practise he automatically took his air-gun and aimed steadily. Right before his finger could pull the trigger he hesitated.
He had explicit order to kill Holmes; the professor was no longer interested in the game he played with the amateur. But with Holmes gone there would be nothing to stand in the professor's way to get the doctor.
After all this years Moran was still jealous about the attention the doctor got from his professor and he knew that Moriarty already ordered his men to bring him the doctor while the others had to hunt Holmes.
If he killed Holmes now, Moriarty would get the doctor and Moran would forever lose his special position at the side of the professor.
With this thought Moran disobeyed Moriarty's order for the first time ever and lowered his gun.
Holmes would reach the doctor before Moriarty's men and he would not let them take him. And Moran could wait for a chance to get rid of the doctor or for Moriarty to finally lose his interest in the man.
With Holmes Moran would be able to get the doctor, one way or the other.
If you aimed to hunt the goat, it was sometimes more effective to follow the tiger.
+
When Holmes left the practise he did not disappear to hide. He only took the cab for two streets, so Watson would believe him gone, before he returned.
Holmes knew that there was only one thing left for Moriaty, now that his empire would crumble without a doubt.
Moriarty would try to get Watson, as he wished to do so for the last years and Holmes would never allow that.
Having successfully escaped his followers, Holmes now had the chance to catch those who were trying to come for Watson. He found the first in the garden two houses away from Watson's and without hesitation he clubbed the man with a flower pot over the head.
Holmes did not care if the man lived or died, his only goal was to make sure that nobody would get Watson this night.
Mycroft's men would take care of any man he found and clean up after him.
For the rest of the night he found, stopped and either stunned or killed 17 men who attempted to reach Watson.
And his silent companion for the night was the fear to miss a single man.
+
When Watson entered his empty bedroom he immediatly went to douse the light. Then he drew a chair to the farthest corner opposite the door and window, put it against the wall and sat down.
He pulled his gun from his pocket, having kept it on or near his person for the last few days and checked the chambers, before he leant back and steadily watched the door.
He was no fool, he knew the danger Holmes and now he himself were in. Holmes had been attacked numerous times, the last on his way to Watson's house. This professor surely knew of him and it would only be logical for him to look for Holmes in his house.
Holmes might already have been followed and when he left the house through the garden anyone watching from the front would still believe him inside.
However Watson knew that the chance of an attack on his house was quite slim, Moriarty might be desperate to get Holmes, but he was not stupid. To attack an unknown house with several occupants, one of them being a soldier (who might be crippled, but nevertheless was an armed soldier) was a foolish move.
Watson also remembered the Irregulars and Mycroft's men which he often saw watching the house.
Still, Watson kept an alert vigil through the night, his eyes were always on the door and window and his ears listened to any foreign sound in the house.
Watson would be safe in his house, while Holmes had to find a safe place for the night.
And this thought worried him more than his own safety.
+++
Moriarty waited until he was sure that the doctor had left Holmes and returned to the inn, called back by his faked message, before Moriarty followed Holmes to the Reichenbachfalls.
Even though Moriarty knew that neither of them would quite possible survive their final meeting and thus no one would need the doctor anylonger - Moriarty could not and would never harm him.
He had observed the man for the last few years, had known everything there was to know about the man, had been an diligent follower of his writings and even if he had only met the man personally once; the doctor had grown too important.
And Moriarty was still not able to understand the man; he was still as unique and interesting as the first moment when he saw him. Moriarty was capable of destroying everything, but not him. Never him.
So when Holmes asked him to wait for a few minutes so he could write a short message to be left for the doctor, Moriarty allowed it as Holmes had already known, because Holmes knew that Moriarty cared about the doctor in his own way.
But Moriarty could not suppress the small glimmer of jealously as he himself was not able to let the doctor know how fascinated he had been with his character for the last years.
Moriarty wondered what would have happened if Destiny had been so kind as to gift him the doctor and not Holmes. Moriarty had observed how Holmes had gradually changed under the influence of Watson, how Holmes became more human and more alive over the years and - Moriarty had to acknowledge - more powerful.
For a man to grow more powerful he needed a reason, something for which he needed the power. Only if you had something to fight for you were able to overcome your barriers and to become stronger than those which threatend that you wished to protect.
Holmes had the doctor to protect; his life, his friendship, his honour, his love - his very soul. Holmes had to be strong and grow more powerful to always be able to protect the doctor.
Moriarty had nothing. Moriarty was strong enough to protect his empire and had enough connections to ensure his business; there was no reason for him to grow more powerful, as he was powerful enough and had more strength than Holmes.
Until the day that Sherlock Holmes finally outshone him because Moriarty threatened his most important possession; triggered by Holmes' realisation that Moriarty intended to claim the doctor as his and Holmes had to grow more stronger and more powerful than Moriarty to protect the doctor.
And he was successfull; Moriarty could only watch how his empire collapsed and he lost everyhing, while Holmes gained everything.
Moriarty would die with the knowledge that he was unable to attain the most important thing for him and Holmes would feel eternally grateful that he was able to protect the most important thing for him.
Holmes would win their game and Moriarty would loose.
However, in the back of his mind Moriarty pitied that it would be the doctor who had to pay the price for their game.
Destiny, James Moriarty had always known, was a cruel mistress.
+++
Moran thought it impossible, but he was jealous again.
And the reason was the same man as before.
When Moran heard that Holmes had returned to London his first thought was to immediatly kill the doctor. The only reason he let him live was because he promised it to his professor and even after Moriarty's death Moran could not break the promise to the man.
There was also a sadistic satisfaction seeing the doctor miserable; openly grieving the loss of Holmes and he was only a mere shadow of the man Moriarty was interested in. It filled him with contentment to see the broken man and to know that Moriarty, if he had survived, would have lost any interest in the doctor, as he was absolutely worthless after Holmes' death.
But with Holmes' return the things changed and Moran had already taken his air-gun to hunt the doctor, when he realized that there would be nothing to gain from the doctor's death. He hated the man, hated him with everything he was and even though his death would make him extremely happy; this happiness would only last for a moment.
He learned this while hunting - the hunt was only fun as long as the prey was alive and found it's culmination in the killing shot.
The last three years gave Moran something that no hunt was able to give him for a such a long time - everlasting pleasure. To know that the doctor suffered every day, to be able to regularly see the broken expression in the doctor's eyes; that was what Moran wished for.
So Moran put his gun down again to wait for the perfect chance to get this pleasure for all eternity - to kill Holmes. Then he would be able to utterly destroy the doctor and cherish this for the rest of his life.
But destiny would not grant him this pleasure; blinded by his greed to break the doctor through Holmes' death and bound by his promise to Moriarty to not harm Watson - Moran was taken by surprise when Holmes attacked him in the empty house, followed by the doctor.
And it were the doctor's eyes which made him most furious, for he was able to see something in them which he thought destroyed three years ago - the same warm glow which draw the professor's attention so many years ago.
His last view of the doctor was how he stood at the side of his detective, warmth and happiness shimmered in his eyes and Moran felt the jealously rise again, for now the doctor got back what he himself had forever lost.
The doctor had his friend back and Moran had lost his professor.
The disappointment and sadness of the last three years, which were suppressed by the delight of the doctor's grieve, finally overcame him and Moran knew the same grieve the doctor had known for the last years.
And he knew that there would never be redemption for him and Sebastian Moran was a broken man for the rest of his life.
+++
Holmes would forever remember the horror and fear Moriarty infected him with.
While Holmes saw the destruction of Moriarty's empire as the height of his carrier and a challenging game - Moriarty's interest for Watson had been the cause of his worst nightmares.
And that was the real reason why Holmes had been willing to sacrifice his own life to destroy Moriarty; he would have been always able to rebounce and retry to catch the criminal mastermind if he had escaped his plans.
But he would have completely broken down if Moriarty had ever been able to touch Watson.
So Holmes was willing to do everything - really everthing - to destroy Moriarty and to protect Watson, whatever the cost.
However, after his return to London (to life, because it meant that he would be with Watson again) Holmes had to acknowledge that with Moriarty's death this need to protect Watson was not extinct. This only intensified when Watson confessed that he met Moriarty once.
"Did you know that Moriarty came to my practice?" Watson asked silently one evening. Holmes immediatly swallowed the smoke of his pipe and coughed harshly, before he looked at Watson with panic lurking in his eyes. "What?! When?!"
"Just a few days before you came to me and told me about him," Watson confessed and shot him a curious look. "You did not know?"
Holmes silently shook his head, while thousands thoughts raced through his mind. Moriarty had been so near? He had actually talked to Watson? He had...
"Did he touch you?"
Holmes could see how taken aback Watson was by his deep growl, but then a small smile touched Watson's lips. "Never."
But Holmes could see the half-truth, could see that Watson was not willing to tell him everything and his mind created the most horrible things that could have happened. He jumped from his seat and paced the length of the room; caught in the horrors his imaginative mind created for him.
Only a hand on his shoulder stopped him and he took a moment before he looked into Watson's eyes. Eyes full of warmth and love; windows to a soul so extremely rare and precious.
The eyes of a man Holmes was and would be forever willing to protect at any cost.
"Nothing happened and it is no longer important," Watson tried to soothe him. "It's over, Holmes."
But it would never be over, Holmes realized. For Holmes had never been afraid for his own life, but he would always be haunted by the fear he experienced when he thought about losing Watson.
And this fear Sherlock Holmes realized, the fear to lose the person which is most important for you, is the greatest fear of all.
+++
To worry was an intergral part of Watson's character. Not only because he was a doctor, but because he had been a son, younger brother, soldier, dearest friend, husband and almost-father.
He would always worry about people; his patients and the people which were important for him.
At the foremost had been and would always be Holmes, his dearest and longest friend and now most cherished man in his life. Also a quite thick headed idiot who was too careless to take care of himself, as Watson often experienced, much to the amusement of his late wife.
Mary always had said that their child would never be able to make him worry so much as Holmes was able to, just because she would make sure to teach their child basic manners. Like to listen to them as parents and as a doctor and to never fight against other people (especially not if the opponents were in the superior number and weaponed, she once said when Holmes lay in their bed with a knife wound after walking into a warehouse with 6 armed thieves).
Watson accepted these worries as they came naturally to him and even if they were often quite nerve-wracking he was glad that he had them, because they meant he was alive and that he had people in his life he could love and care for.
But then he found a new kind of worry he wished he would have never found, because it was a too heavy burden.
It was chance or maybe Destiny which lead for Watson to be on his knees in Holmes' bedroom looking for a glass beneath the bed. Holmes had stormed out of their flat and wrenched his scarf from the table, whereupon said glass dropped to the ground and rolled through the open door until it clanked against something beneath the bed.
Watson could only shake his head and went into the room after he heard the door close and tried to get the glass. His fingers brushed something cool and he pulled it forward and only then saw that it was a small box. The cover was open and it was filled with papers, Holmes must have kicked it beneath the bed without bothering to close it and Watson was about to do so, when his eyes landed on the words and he saw his own name.
He would forever curse his own curiousity and shameful behaviour, but he read the whole message and cold dread settled in his chest.
M CONTINUES TO WATCH WATSON STOP CANT ENSURE HIS SAFETY INFINITELY STOP YOU HAVE TO ACT SOON STOP MYCROFT
Watson knew that M meant Moriarty, for Holmes told him that he was in contact with his brother and always refered to the professor in this way.
But what did it mean, that Moriarty watched him?
He took the papers and saw that they were all telegrams from different people, stating about him, the state of his safety and reports of when he was followed by Moriarty's men. With a sick jolt Watson realized that there had been so many times when Moriarty had him watched and that Holmes had known this for years. For years Holmes made sure that Watson would be protected and that Moriarty never had the opportunity to take him.
Watson realized that the true reason why Holmes took him to the continent was not to escape himself, but to prevent any last chance of Moriarty to get Watson.
Holmes had done everything to secure his safety for several years and sacrificed his own life in the end.
Holmes was willing to do anything for him and Watson wondered how far Holmes would go (or already had gone?).
And this insight would worry John Watson in his darkest hours for the rest of his life.