First fic!
*drumroll please!*
Title: Canine Conspiracy (prologue)
Rating: G
Summary: Skywarp wants something, Ratchet is annoyed, Perceptor is embarrassed, and Mirage is covered in drool.
This here's just the prologue - very short. Blink and you'll miss it. I'm submitting it for a contest over at tf_bunny_farm .
Canine Conspiracy
Skywarp: "Megatron, sir, look! The prologue is up! Ooh, it has me in it..."
Prologue
“Probability of event: Low.”
Skywarp cleared his vents with a sigh and wondered if he could convince the Constructicons to sabotage Soundwave’s annoying vocal programming. “C’mon, Soundwave, I’ve talked him into stuff like this before. And I really, really, really want one! He knows that if he says no I’ll just get one anyway and hide it.”
“Probability of event: Low. Deciding factor: Avian Experiment.”
“But that was different!” Skywarp protested. “Those dumb Coneheads just let the little flying squishies loose in the base and went chasing after them. I’d keep mine in my quarters.”
“Like slag you would,” Thundercracker countered as he strolled past them toward the energon dispensers. “I don’t want organic waste products smeared on my berth. That white stuff was all over the base after we finally caught that last winged squishy.”
Skywarp scowled. “It wouldn’t get on your berth. The squishy I’m getting doesn’t have wings, and I bet it can’t jump that high. And for your information, dumbaft, most squishy waste is brown.”
Leaning back, Soundwave watched the two Seekers bicker. His memories of the Avian Experiment were mostly negative; his Cassettes, being lower to the ground than most of the ‘Cons, had been treated to a much more detailed view of the organic waste. In addition, Laserbeak and Buzzsaw had been ordered to join the squishy-catching squad, and suffered minor damage when poorly-aimed laser blasts went astray.
Actually, the base itself ended up in decidedly poor shape after the smoke had cleared and the birds were dumped in the ocean. In addition, the little data that had been collected on the birds’ flying techniques - which was the sole flimsy reason why the Avian Experiment had been allowed - was lost when the secondary databank fell victim to a null ray.
The only minor positive consequence of the Experiment, Soundwave mused, was that Megatron finally recognized the lack of weapon accuracy among his troops and ordered mandatory remedial courses in marksmechship.
Thankfully, Skywarp’s ridiculous request was likely to be denied. Megatron knew better than to seriously consider any sort of proposal suggested by the slightly hyperactive Seeker, and if Skywarp succeeded in getting Starscream’s support - which he would need to pass off his new ‘pet’ as a scientific investment - the probability of Megatron’s approval fell even further.
Pondering the subjectivity of Megatron’s command decisions, Soundwave almost missed Skywarp’s petulant response to Thundercracker’s blatant sarcasm.
“We need to keep up with the Autobots! They may do some pointless things, but if having pet dog-squishies isn’t useful and causes as much trouble as you think, then the Autobots would have gotten rid of theirs by now!”
“Inquiry: Clarification. Subject: Autobot possession of canine organic.”
Skywarp shot a sly glance in Soundwave’s direction. “Rumble told me that Laserbeak almost got sniffed out by the Autobots’ latest pet mongrel. It seems your little midgets aren’t quite as sneaky as you keep insisting. But the point is,” Skywarp continued loftily, “a dog could help guard the base against those other squishies that the Autobots use, and it has to be a dog sparkling because the dumber organics can’t be programmed when they get too old. The dog squishy that the Autobots have is larger than most adults of its kind, but it acts like it’s sparkling-age, so we don’t even have to look for a new puppy - we can just steal theirs. And having an organic around that Motormaster can actually catch but isn’t allowed to squish would be hilarious.”
Thinking back, Soundwave recalled the latest mission report. Laserbeak had not indicated the presence of a new organic in the Ark during the post-op briefing, but that may have been simple prudence due to Megatron’s recently-acquired impatience with any mention of organic trivialities. It was true that the Autobots’ humans had been disturbingly efficient at penetrating base security, no doubt due to their smaller size. Perhaps, for once, one of Skywarp’s suggestions had some merit; and if the Ark’s security could be compromised at the same time, then all the better.
*******************************
The potential victim of Skywarp’s scheme was, at that exact moment, wagging his tail and cheerfully slobbering on Mirage’s shoulder. Mirage desperately tried to ignore this as he shifted the oversized puppy in his arms and listened in on the hushed conversation going on across the medbay.
“So, for once, it wasn’t Wheeljack’s fault?” asked a skeptical Ratchet.
“Indeed, I fear that it was in fact my interference which resulted in this catastrophic and perplexing scenario,” replied Perceptor with embarrassment. “I truly believed that my improvements would result in the increased accuracy of the subject’s visual-simulating ability. I am not at all adverse to the acceptance of full responsibility for this debacle.”
Ratchet eyed the smoking, wrecked device that lay on the examination table. As Skyfire and Wheeljack prodded it inquisitively, he ignored their speculative murmurs and strode over to Mirage.
“How is he?”
Mirage held the happy canine out at arms’ length and gave him a brief once-over. “Wet,” he replied succinctly. “I honestly don’t understand why these creatures seem to be so popular among humans. If all members of this species produce this much saliva, I’m amazed that poor Spike and Carly haven’t drowned yet.”
“The young dog they adopted is only as tall as their knees, not ours. Now, I've got an appointment with a human who can tell me more about these animals. While I go talk to her and get the stuff our newest organic friend will need, you have the happy task of taking care of him until I'm finished.”
In dawning horror, Mirage stared after the medic as he strode calmly off. Normally, he wouldn’t object to spending more time with his friend. But he had been in his company for just a few minutes since his… accident… and he was already coated in an epic amount of drool. Now, Mirage was nowhere near as vain as, say, Tracks. In these circumstances, however, the spy felt he was entitled to at least a pout and a sigh before resigning himself to caring for his unlucky friend. At least.
Mirage pouted. Mirage sighed.
“Alright, Hound, we’re going to visit the washracks. They’re big. You can run around in them a bit. You’ll like them, I promise. Can you even understand me in this form?”
“Woof!”
Sigh.
(Chapter 1)
Bunnies used in this chapter:
Skywarp wants a puppy - by cheysulinight cheysulinight- #2 in this post.
Edit: Changed a bit of Ratchet's dialogue and some minor phrasing that was bugging me. Thanks, ink_in_handink_in_hand !
(Chapter 1)