[fic] The Things We Can't Control - Chapter 106 ~Shouldn't Have~
Title: The Things We Can't Control
Author:
prettyorianna
Pairing: Akame. Others to be added later.
Rating: NC-17.
Genre: crime drama au
Beta by: my cat Gemma. okay, seriously, nobody
Disclaimer: I don't own KAT-TUN, any of its members, any other JE people. I write this for fun and for other fans of these fine folks. But don't steal my plots, mmkay? I put a great deal of time into them except for when I'm randomly spastically spitting words onto a page. But I value those too...Read more...
Summary: Two criminals with vastly different styles meet by chance one day. They immediately clash but is that all they'll ever be? How much is fate and how much choice? And how will their meeting change the world around them?
Author's Note: Here's Chapter 106. It's not terribly long and all but it seemed a good divide point so the next past!chapter will be the transition from these events to the decision to undertake the next rescue. I had kinda hoped to put the whole thing from the start of this to the end of that in one chapter but it's 9:30 and I'm exhausted and I want to at least post what I have since I have the chance. AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAME EVEN IF I'M A LITTLE LATE!
BANNER BY going_dangerous!!
Warning: This gets graphic often occasionally, containing at the very least foul language, character death, nefarious crimes, rape, etc etc.
The Master Posts:
On my journal - The Things We Can't Control Master Post
On the akame_ Community - The Things We Can't Control Master Post
On the akame_fanfics Community - The Things We Can't Control Master Post
On the je_kamenashi Community - The Things We Can't Control Master Post
On the kattun_fanfics Community - The Things We Can't Control Master Post
On the jin_fics Community - The Things We Can't Control Master Post
Chapter 106 ~Shouldn't Have~
Yurina’s gaze instantly snapped to Kame despite the fact her hangover probably made the sudden movement unpleasant. “Wrong? Well, what else was I supposed to do? We need the money!”
Kame’s expression was hard but not unkind as he said, “First, let’s discard the illusion that this had anything to do with money. There are plenty of ways to get money that don’t require killing people to do it.”
“Of course it’s about the m-” Yurina started but Kame didn’t let her finish.
“This is about Marika. This was always about Marika. But Yuri-chan, don’t you understand? These men had nothing to do with that. You’re blaming them unfairly for the actions of others.” Because he really believed that was the truth.
“They’re drug dealers! They’re hurting people! Isn’t that enough?” She sounded more mad than anything, though. He was right, wasn’t he? She clung to the fact that the people who hurt her and the man who arranged everything to rob her of the one bit of good that came out of the whole tragedy were drug dealers and drug users. Suzuki-san hadn’t been but she’d been fooled by Papa K who most definitely was one.
But Yurina still wasn’t facing the truth. “That’s not why you did it either. You want to punish men that are beyond punishing so you redirect it against people who haven’t harmed you in the slightest. This is about your anger. It’s blinding you.”
She looked so pissed at his words, probably the angriest he’d ever seen her and for a moment he actually thought she was going to hit him but in the end she apparently decided not to and just hissed, “You have no right to say that to me after what you did. You killed more people than I have.”
Actually, he’d been thinking about that a lot during his frantic search for Shuta and Yurina and he’d come to realize something about his own actions. “Maybe I shouldn’t have.”
“How can you say that?” and the anger in her eyes bled away a bit in favor of shock. “After everything they did to me, how you can say that?”
“I killed them out of anger. It wasn’t about survival like with Ryuichi or saving someone, which at least I could say about killing Naito and Abe to find you though I won’t lie and say I felt no anger at the time because I did. But the others that followed were just revenge. I was so furious they dared to hurt you and I killed them because I couldn’t see past that anger.” Kame sighed. “Those men will never get the chance to turn their lives around. They can never make amends to any of the people they’ve hurt. In killing them, I’ve cast them into the darkness of perpetual villainy and it wasn’t my right to inflict that kind of eternity on them. Not for that reason, anyway. Don’t you think we should all get the chance to change? To become better?”
“But they wouldn’t!” Yurina insisted, and it seemed like by this point she was barely holding tears back. “They’d have to be capable of empathy but obviously they weren’t. Those men were just scum! There’s no way men like that can change.”
“What about men like me?”
“You’re not like them.”
Kame looked her straight on as he said, “In your eyes, maybe. The truth is that you didn’t know me when I was younger. When you sell yourself, you’re seen as useless. You’re nothing but a whore who will never amount to anything. Or even worse, you’re poisoning society with your loose morals. Either way, you’ll always be scum. Even others in the same position as you looked down on you because, well, you’re the only one they still can.”
“Ka-” Yurina started but Kame was going to finish so he didn’t give her a chance to interrupt.
“That was me. That’s how people saw me. They thought I’d be in the gutter forever because people who are morally bankrupt criminals ruining society don’t have futures to look forward to like regular people do. But you didn’t think that when you met me, did you? Because I took control of my life with the help of your brothers and I changed. I faced some of the demons that drive me. I was able to improve myself and my life.”
Yurina ‘s expression was indignant. “Being a prostitute isn’t the same as being a drug dealer.”
“Except sometimes it is. Sometimes you make a choice about the lesser of two evils or you just don’t eat. It’s about being able to survive and yet still being able to look yourself in the mirror.”
“I can look myself in the mirror just fine!” she snapped.
“Can you? Can you really?” and now Kame was mad, too. “Show me. Show me right now. Go look yourself in the eye in the mirror right now and tell me you don’t know what you did was wrong! That you don’t know what I did was wrong, too.”
“Ugh, not right now. I’ve got a headache and besides which, Shuta’s cleaning himself up in the bathroom already so I can’t get to the mirror anyway.”
“No. Right now. We’re doing this right now. And don’t act like you don’t remember there’s a mirror in your bedroom because you know there is,” and he grabbed her by the arm and pulled her to her feet, dragging her behind him the short distance to the bedroom.
He wasn’t getting through to her at all, was he?
Still, he had to keep trying. He wasn’t going to give up on her, on the idea she could get past the things she suffered through without being consumed by an ever-burning hatred.
Kame made her stand right in front of the mirror on the bedroom wall. “Look. Look at that face. It’s the face that Marika looked up at with trusting eyes.”
Yurina wouldn’t look, instead turning to face him. “Marika’s gone.”
“But you’ll always be her mother. Her heart will reach out for yours for the rest of her life. She’ll draw strength from you…” He paused a moment to let the words sink in before continuing, “…assuming you still have it to give. Please, Yuri-chan. Look. Please. For her. Do this for her because it’s all you can do for her now. Others have seen to that.”
The two of them stood there silently for a few minutes but eventually Yurina turned back towards the mirror, slowly lifting her gaze to look at the reflection of her face. What she saw entranced her.
“This mess with the drug dealers isn’t strength, or at least not real strength. Any time you have to tuck away the best parts of you to keep them from being tainted by your choices, you’re showing weakness and you’re deluding yourself. You can’t protect the best of yourself if you hide it away like that, refusing to look at it. Can you still see it? Is it in those eyes staring back at you? Do you still have all the things inside you that make you beautiful and strong and human?”
Kame watched in the mirror as a single tear rolled down Yurina’s cheek. Without looking away from her reflection, she said, “I just… I… I wanted…” She trailed off as she brought a hand up to touch the silvered glass. “Have I really been so wrong…?”
“The only answer to that question lies in the mirror, Yuri-chan.”
Another moment of silence and Yurina’s hand never left the glass in front of her. More tears followed the first one and then suddenly she was apologizing desperately. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I’m wrong. I’m just… I was… I was wrong and… Marika, forgive me! I’ll be strong for you! I have to… I have to be strong for… I’m so sorry!”
Kame pulled her into his arms as she started to cry. He hated that he had to do this now, while she was tired and hungover and freaking out over what happened at Yasu’s place. It seemed wrong somehow to do it when her emotional barriers were weakened so considerably, but it really wasn’t something that could have waited. “Shh… It’ll be okay. The wonderful thing about it is, you’re still alive to change. You don’t have to keep making the same mistakes.”
“I miss her so much! My arms are s-so empty! They’re not supposed to… they’re meant for her. They’re m-m-made for her…” He voice was muffled by Kame’s shirt as she sobbed uncontrollably into it, but he could still understand her. “And s-s-somehow I think she’s even lonelier than I am. That she misses my arms m-m-more than they m-m-m-miss h-h-her…”
It took a while but Yurina’s exhaustion finally won over and she stopped crying. She didn’t really say anything after that but it was okay. He’d gotten through to her. He could tell. All the best parts of her were still there after all.
He thought that they were.
He was glad to have been right for one.
Yurina went to bed and Kame promised to be right in the living room if she needed anything. He brought some aspirin from the first aid kit in the kitchen and a glass of water, putting both on the nightstand next to the bed in case she woke up and wanted it. She’d already fallen asleep. And Shuta had passed out on the couch. Kame made sure he was still breathing and that he had a strong heartbeat and once he’d assured himself that Shuta would survive the night, he collapsed on his sleeping mat. He was pretty sure he fell asleep before his head hit the pillow.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The story continues:
Chapter 107 ~Cascade~
A/N: Well, there you go. I hope you guys liked it! Yurina made me cry while I was writing. Hell, I'm still crying. Somehow, I can really feel her this chapter.