Title: Heal Me
Pairing: Jin x Kame
Rating: NC-17
Genre - Catch Me: AU, angst, romance, smut, drama, tragedy
Beta by: my cat. okay, seriously, nobody
Disclaimer: I don't own KAT-TUN, any of its members, any other JE people. I write this for fun and for other fans of these fine folks. But don't steal my plots, mmkay? I put a great deal of time into them except for when I'm randomly spastically spitting words onto a page. But I value those too...
Summary - Catch Me: A dramatic turn in his life throws Kame into Jin's college world. Almost immediately they notice an attraction, but they spend more time clashing than not.
Summary - Lose Me: Kame and Jin still have the occasional argument but mostly they live happily together. But when someone from Kame's past shows up, will the two be able to deal?
Summary - Find Me: Kame has been kidnapped. Will he and Jin ever be reunited?
Summary - Heal Me: The difficult task of readjusting to a normal life... will they make it through together?
Warning: While "Catch Me" part is more towards the fluffy end of the scale at times, the other three parts have such things as drugs and murder and rape and all the fun parts of a bad neighborhood in a big city. Oh, and character death(s).
On my journal:
Catch Me, Lose Me, Find Me, Heal MeOn the akame_ Community:
Catch Me, Lose Me, Find Me, Heal MeOn the akame_fanfics Community:
Catch Me, Lose Me, Find Me, Heal MeOn the kattun_fanfics Community:
Catch Me, Lose Me, Find Me, Heal Me A/N: Okay, this one is a bit longer. And everything is starting to come together in the story so... I guess, pay attention LOL.
Heal Me
Ninth Cut ~The Pivot Point~
Jin stayed there on the floor leaning against the bed, waiting for Kame to come home. He’d rather go look for him but where to start?
He called Koki, but he hadn’t seen him. Neither had Yamapi or Ueda. Maru hadn’t seen him, but he had talked to his aunt and had a name and number for him to try later.
He was actually in the middle of dialing Junno when Junno showed up in flesh. Peeking in, he asked, “Where’s Kame?”
So he didn’t know either. Jin couldn’t control himself anymore; he started sobbing. “I don’t know. He left his phone again. I wasn’t gone that long! He locked himself in the bathroom all day crying but when I went to get some food… He’s probably out drinking again…” He buried his face in his hands.
Junno knelt down in front of Jin and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. “He’ll be back. You know he’ll be back.”
“I wish I at least knew where he was going…”
“I’m sure he’s fine…”
+++
It wasn’t quite morning when Kame finally stirred. Where was he? Looking around, he remembered going outside and having sex in the alley… but hadn’t he gone home after? He meant to…
He must have passed out.
Standing, he felt sick. Not physically sick so much, just… ill. He’d done it again. He’d proven once again how little he truly was worth. Ryo had been right about so many things. Maybe he should have just stayed with him…
At least he had some more money. He stuck his hand in his pocket but it wasn’t there. He checked his other pocket. Oh, god, his drugs were gone too. Crying, he started frantically searching every the money and drugs could possibly be, even to the point of removing his shoes to make sure he hadn’t stuffed them in there or in his socks. It was no use, though. Everything was gone. He’d been robbed while he was passed out.
So he’d cheated again but it was for nothing and now he’d have to come back in the afternoon and do it again, because that had been all of his drugs and all of his money. He had brought all of it with him to make sure Jin didn’t stumble upon it (Kame couldn’t prove it but he thought Jin had been looking through his stuff recently). Every last bit of it, gone…
Well, the club wouldn’t reopen till later. Better to head home and pray he could last that long.
+++
“Where the hell have you been?! I’ve been worried sick!!” Jin shrieked as Kame walked in. Apparently he’d stayed up waiting. Kame would have felt bad about that if he didn’t have a monster headache and more important things on his mind.
“… please stop yelling. I have a headache.”
“IT’S YOUR OWN DAMN FAULT IF YOU’RE HUNGOVER!”
Fine, if he wanted to make it an argument, he’d get an argument. “I’m not hungover! I haven’t been out drinking! Fuck!”
Jin laughed and it was a bitter sound. Shaking his head, he said, “You know what? I don’t believe you...”
That stopped Kame cold. “You… don’t believe me?” he softly said in disbelief. He didn’t care whether Jin heard it or not. His mind was reeling too fast for him to grasp any one thought. Reaching out, he took a step towards Jin but then he stopped.
Tears filled his eyes as he whispered, “I wasn’t drinking…”
Jin didn’t believe him. Jin didn’t trust him. All he had left in life was Jin and now…
+++
The look in Kame’s eyes before he shut himself back in the bathroom would not leave Jin. So much pain and sadness. He felt guilty. He’d accused Kame of lying with no actual proof. And it was true that the other times he’d mentioned drinking to Kame, the younger had not denied it. Why would he suddenly start denying something he previously had not denied?
God, Jin felt like such an ass. He was hurt and he’d lashed out without proof.
Knocking on the bathroom door, he said, “Kazu, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I was just so scared something had happened and I freaked out. Please come out of there.” Trying the knob, he found it surprisingly unlocked. “Kazu, I’m coming in…”
Kame was on the floor sitting in the corner where the wall and bathtub met, hugging his knees tightly to his chest and rocking back and forth. He was whispering to himself and as Jin walked closer to him, he started to make it out. “…should have just stayed. He was right; I’m no good for anyone else. Just hurting people I love…” and so on and so on.
Was he really saying he should have stayed with Ryo? After everything Ryo had done?
Sitting beside him, Jin pulled Kame close in a tight, desperate hug. “Shh… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I believe you.”
Sobbing, Kame fisted the front of Jin’s shirt, saying, “He was right, though. He was right about everything… I thought he was just cruel but he was right…”
Stiffening, Jin growled, “There is absolutely nothing that man said or did to you that even remotely approaches ‘right’, Kazuya.”
“But you don’t know what he…”
“Then tell me. You need to talk about it. Bottling it up, refusing to face it… it just isn’t working.” Kissing the top of Kame’s head, he added, “Please, Kazu, what happened between the payphone and when you woke up in the hospital?”
Kame clenched his fists even tighter around the fabric of Jin’s shirt and started to cry harder.
“Please, please talk to me…”
“He was so mad. Oh, god, he was mad…” Kame was trying to speak but the sobbing was making it difficult. Still, he managed to more or less get out his story. “When we got to the new place he just kinda threw me in there. But once he got the door locked, he dragged me by the hair to the bedroom and he kicked me a few times and then tied my wrists to one of the bedposts.
“He stripped my pants off and beat me with his belt. I couldn’t even put my arms up to defend myself because of how he had me tied. It seemed like it went on forever. I begged him to stop. I told him I’d never run away again but he just kept hitting. So I told him I’d let him do anything he wanted, whatever he could think of. And that worked… but when he got done with everything, he just beat me again. And he left me naked and tied to the bed…”
Jin hugged Kame tighter to him as the younger told his story. Slowly, Kame’s sobs quieted down and his voice became flat and emotionless.
Kame continued, “But then later he came back and wanted me to apologize for running away. I told him I was sorry and I’d never do it again but he said he didn’t believe me. He said I’d have to show him. I begged him, but he said obviously I wasn’t sorry. He was going to get the belt again… I didn’t have a choice, Jin.
“He untied me and I did what I could to please him… He said… he said that was the turning point. That now it was a choice I made. He said I chose to fuck him” and Jin winced again at the uncharacteristic cussing from his Kazu, “and you’d never want to touch me again. That if I tried again to escape, it would go one of two ways. Either I’d fail and he’d make the beating with the belt seem like the gentle alternative or I’d succeed only to find out he’s the only one who’d have me now. That I’m… tainted now.
“He made it clear to me that everything was going to happen whether I wanted it to or not and that how much it hurt was really up to me. That if I was a ‘good little whore’ then it would feel good but if I wasn’t and he had to punish me, he’d get the belt again.
“That’s how things were for a while. I never got to leave the bedroom. He’d take what he wanted sometimes and other times he expected me offer it. If I refused him or flinched away from him or cried, he punished me with the belt.”
Tears were flowing down Jin’s face, landing in Kame’s hair. Jin whisper, “Oh, god… that’s why… your back…” Because the state of Kame’s back was not the result of one or two beatings. Jin didn’t even want to think about how many times it happened.
“Yes.” And Kame paused for a moment before finally continuing. “But then one day, he admitted to me he was the one that had pushed me down those stairs and also that he’d killed his own father and one of the scouts trying to recruit me. I was sickened and so terrified. I freaked out, screamed at him to not touch me. So he punished me again.
“I… I tried to escape again a few days later, once I felt able to move well enough. I didn’t make it out of the building… He…” but Kame trailed off.
Worried, Jin asked, “Kazu?”
Kame didn’t respond. He just stayed there, clutching Jin’s shirt tightly.
“Kazu?” When Kame still didn’t respond, Jin shook him. “Kazu!”
“Oh. Sorry.” Kame took a deep breath. “He tied my wrists and ankles to the bed and… and… got the knife… and… he said if… and…”
Jin could feel Kame shaking violently in his arms, his breathing rapidly approaching hyperventilation. “I can’t… he… I can’t… can’t talk about this without… I need… need…”
Closing his eyes, Jin started stroking Kame’s hair, clutching the shivering body protectively. “Shh… it’s okay. We can skip this part. I think I can guess where it was going. Shh… calm down, nee?” And it did seem to help a bit. They stayed there in silence for a bit while Jin continued to stroke Kame’s hair and hold him.
Finally, Kame started to speak again. “I didn’t try to escape again after that. And I knew that there was no way you’d find me no matter how hard you looked, unless I escaped or at least got a phone. I knew… I knew I’d never see you again. And I was so tired of the pain.
“So in the end I was a ‘good little whore’ like Ryo told me and I did whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. I shut everything else out of my mind. And he started letting me out of the bedroom on a leash so he could keep me with him.
“But then I broke the mirror. I just... when I looked at it, I could see it was looking back at me. Accusing me. Taunting me. I just… I snapped. Ryo was so mad. He choked me nearly into unconsciousness and as I faded out I thought to myself, this is it. I’ll finally be free because I’ll be dead. But he didn’t kill me. He alternated between beating me and raping me a few times and then made me clean up the mirror. And I thought to myself, that’s the answer. If I’m dead, he can’t hurt me again. So I secreted away a piece of the mirror as I cleaned it up.
“Everything is kind of fuzzy after that. When he left the room, I got the shard and I just cut… and then… something… he was there… there was a lot of blood… I’m not sure… And then I woke up in the hospital.”
+++
Kame’s body was still shaking when he asked, “I’m so very tired. Please, I need to go to bed…” He knew he’d have to get some sleep before he left in the afternoon to go back to the club. He wished he hadn’t been robbed. He really, really needed some…
Jin actually picked him up, carried him to the bed, and pulled the cover over him.
Jin really deserved someone better. He might not have been lying about drinking, but he was keeping secrets. Terrible secrets. Kame tossed and turned but was unable to fall asleep. All he could think about was how he was wronging the one person who truly loved him and about how he was going to get his hands on some more of the drugs later in the day.
Jin left for class.
The hours dragged on.
More than once, Kame checked the drawer. It was possible he’d missed some, left it behind, right? Except he hadn’t.
But eventually it was time and he could go. He went as fast as his legs could carry him without looking suspicious.
+++
Junno watched as Kame exited the dorm. Keeping back as far a distance as he could without losing Kame, he followed his friend. He’d get the proof he needed and then they would be able to help him.
As they went, he started to get a bit nervous. The sun was going down and it wasn’t the best neighborhood (though it was paradise compared to the one they’d spent all their time at looking for Kame). But eventually they ended up at a club. He watched Kame go inside and decided it would be best to give him a few minutes before following, to keep from being spotted.
But eventually he went in. He found a spot where he could see the whole room easily and started to scan for his friend.
+++
It hadn’t taken all that long to find someone interested. He was at a table with two other people. They all seemed to be friends.
Everybody seemed pretty amused when Kame invited himself into the group. A bit of heavy flirting, few light ‘accidental’ naughty touches… by the time it was fully dark outside and the club was nearly packed, the man was more than ready to leave his friends for the moment and part with a hundred dollars for some fun in the alley.
Kame stopped by the bathroom to splash some water on his face and use the restroom. He hated he was going to have to do this without being high but he didn’t have a choice. So, he put on his brightest sexy smile and went back out into the club. He accompanied the man through the side door to the alley.
Only things didn’t go according to plan after that. Not by a long shot.
Leaning against the wall, Kame held his hand out. “Money?”
“You know, I think I left my wallet inside with my friends.” The man trapped Kame against the wall.
“No money, no sex.” He tried to push the man away but the man wouldn’t move. Okay, okay… don’t panic. Not yet.
“Now, you can’t just get a guy all worked up like that and not come across.” Only the voice wasn’t from the man who had him trapped against the wall. It was from one of his two friends. Turning his head towards the voice, Kame saw that both of his friends were with them in the alley. “Don’t you know how rude that is?” the other friend asked.
…maybe it was time to panic. “Move!” Kame ordered, trying to shove the guy away again. It didn’t work. Instead, the man unzipped Kame’s pants, shoving them down past his hips so they fell to the ground “What the fuck are you doing?”
From the first friend, “Having some fun.”
From the second, “Isn’t that what you said inside?”
And the man -- the one who was at that moment spinning Kame to face the wall despite his best attempt to get away from the three of them -- said, “Now be a good whore and cooperate.”
“Stop! Please, please, don’t do this!! STOP!!”
But it was no use. The man pushed into him hard. And when he was done, one of his friends took over. And after that, the third one started.
And all Kame could do was cry and beg them to stop because he knew it was too loud inside for anyone to hear them.
+++
Junno was absolutely sure Kame had gone into the club but after half an hour of scanning the room, he had to admit that Kame wasn’t in there. Disappointed, he sighed and headed for the exit.
But he’d just started walking away when he heard something from the alley. Maybe Kame had slipped out the side door?
He rounded the corner but stopped in utter shock at the sight that greeted him. Kame against the wall, crying, with a man going in and out while two others just watched.
“HEY!!” he shouted. “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THREE DOING?!” And he ran to Kame’s side as the three men all but tripped over themselves fleeing. Kame sank to the ground, forehead still against the wall, sobbing. “Oh, Kame…”
But Kame ignored him. Instead, he pulled his pants back up and started taking deeper breaths, like he was trying to stop crying.
“Kame?” He smiled at his friend. “Kaaameee…?”
“I… I have to go back inside, find someone else. They didn’t pay me before they made me…” and Kame trailed off. He seemed like he was about to shut down entirely, barely aware of what was going on around him anymore.
Junno was shocked. “Pay? You've been doing this for money?!!”
“I… I need the money… I need more… Somebody took what I had…”
If he’d realized how bad off Kame had gotten already, he wouldn’t have waited for proof. It was stupid. What had he been thinking?? He should have told everyone his suspicions right away. If he had, this might not have happened.
Junno pulled out his cell phone and called Jin. Jin answered, thank god. “Hey, Junno.” He sounded like he’d been crying too.
“Jin, you need to get here. I’m with Kame. It’s… it’s bad.”
“Where are you?” Jin asked frantically. Junno told him how to get there.
“We’re in the side alley. I don’t think it would be good to take him back inside to wait for you.”
“I’m on my way…” and Jin hung up.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The story continues:
Tenth Cut ~The Ugly Truth~ A/N: Okay, I had so many other things I had initially wanted to happen and a different thing entirely planned for the pivot point. But the characters just didn't let me do that. So... at least this way, Kame hasn't resorted to stealing, Junno gets to live, and Kazu hasn't cuffed Jin to the bed and assaulted him.
Junno's death was supposed to the be the pivot point but there just wasn't a way to work it properly. So I moved the events of this day forward, reworked it a bit, and eliminated the stuff that was supposed to happen after it up to the death of Junno.
So... for all you Junno fans, you're welcome for not killing him LOL.
(This is the story that taught me that the painful lesson of letting go of an idea for the good of the whole LOL)