[fic] Heal Me - Second Cut ~Finally Home~
Title: Heal Me
Pairing: Jin x Kame
Rating: NC-17
Genre - Catch Me: AU, angst, romance, smut, drama, tragedy
Beta by: my cat. okay, seriously, nobody
Disclaimer: I don't own KAT-TUN, any of its members, any other JE people. I write this for fun and for other fans of these fine folks. But don't steal my plots, mmkay? I put a great deal of time into them except for when I'm randomly spastically spitting words onto a page. But I value those too...
Summary - Catch Me: A dramatic turn in his life throws Kame into Jin's college world. Almost immediately they notice an attraction, but they spend more time clashing than not.
Summary - Lose Me: Kame and Jin still have the occasional argument but mostly they live happily together. But when someone from Kame's past shows up, will the two be able to deal?
Summary - Find Me: Kame has been kidnapped. Will he and Jin ever be reunited?
Summary - Heal Me: The difficult task of readjusting to a normal life... will they make it through together?
Warning: While "Catch Me" part is more towards the fluffy end of the scale at times, the other three parts have such things as drugs and murder and rape and all the fun parts of a bad neighborhood in a big city. Oh, and character death(s).
On my journal: Catch Me, Lose Me, Find Me, Heal Me
On the akame_ Community: Catch Me, Lose Me, Find Me, Heal Me
On the akame_fanfics Community: Catch Me, Lose Me, Find Me, Heal Me
On the kattun_fanfics Community: Catch Me, Lose Me, Find Me, Heal Me
A/N: Here you go!
Heal Me
Second Cut ~Finally Home~
Somehow, Kame had thought being back on campus in the room he shared with Jin would make everything magically better. But as he sat down on the edge of his bed, he just felt drained. No, it was more than that… it was like nothing was real. And, though he hadn’t said anything to Jin, he was terrified he was only dreaming and that the next time he woke up, he’d be back in that room.
Had it really only been two months since he was last in this room? It felt like a year…
He felt an unexpected hand on his shoulder and flinched. Oh, god, he thought he’d learned to not do that anymore! That was one of the rules! Ryo was going to be so mad…
As Kame turned around he started rapidly apologizing. “I’m sorry! I’ll do better! I swear! Please don’t pun-”
But Ryo wasn’t there. It was Jin. Kame closed his eyes and tried to calm his breathing down. “Oh. Sorry.”
“Why are you apologizing?” Jin sounded confused. Kame guessed he couldn’t really blame him.
“It’s… it’s nothing. Just there for a minute, I thought…”
A pause. “You thought I was Ryo…”
Kame nodded. Slowly he opened his eyes. The expression on Jin’s face… he looked so hurt. But he didn’t say anything for a moment, so neither did Kame.
But finally, Kame said, “I guess it’ll take a bit to readjust.”
“Probably.”
Taking a deep breath, Kame asked somewhat rapidly, “Do you… that is, would you mind… it’s just, I’d given up on the idea… Please, lay down with me. Hold me like you used to…” By the time he finished asking, he wasn’t even looking at Jin anymore. His gaze had sort of traveled down to his feet. Hastily, he added, “I mean, if you don’t want to then that’s fine. I just missed you and it wouldn’t have been the same in the hospital bed and that was too small anyway and it was so lonely sleeping alone all this time… not that’d I would want Ryo to… I mean…”
“Why wouldn’t I want to? Baka…”
So the two of them lay down and Kame snuggled up against Jin’s chest and breathed in that wonderful scent he never thought he’d experience again.
He’d hoped it would make him forget the scent of vanilla, but he still remembered…
+++
Jin held for a while Kame as he slept. This enormous sigh of relief spread through him. His Kazu-chan was finally home. But as Kame started to whimper and then cry in his sleep from yet another nightmare, Jin thought maybe his relief was premature. Even though he was sleeping, Kame’s hands tightened around the fabric of Jin’s shirt.
He kissed Kame’s forehead, just like he used to do. Ever so gently, he brushed the tears off of the sleeping Kame’s cheek and whispered, “Shh… you’re safe now…”
It seemed to help. Kame calmed down in his sleep and eventually Jin drifted off as well.
+++
Kame slowly opened his eyes and found himself in Jin’s arms. “Jin? Oh, Jin… is it really you?” he cried out, shaking Jin awake.
Yawning, Jin responded, “Of course it’s me.”
“I don’t want to wake up. Please, keep me here with you. Don’t go away again. Don’t let me wake up. I want to stay… I don’t want to go back!” His grip on Jin’s shirt tightened until his knuckles were white. Waking up meant Ryo. Here in his dream, he was loved and he loved back. He was safe. He was protected.
“But…”
“I’m afraid to wake up. I want to stay with you, here…” And Kame buried his face against Jin’s chest, tears streaming down his face and onto the front of Jin’s shirt.
“Oh, but… Kazu-love, you’re already awake. This is real.”
“Is it?” Kame sniffled.
Kame could feel Jin’s fingers brush his bangs back behind his ear as Jin said, “It is.”
“But… but I was just there.” He could still feel Ryo’s breath on his throat, still smell the vanilla in that shampoo he always used, still hear Ryo’s voice in his ear saying, “Come for me like a good little whore, Kazu…” Kame whole body started to shake.
Jin kissed the top of Kame’s head, embracing him tightly. “It was just another nightmare, Kazu-chan.”
“… so I can stay?” Kame relaxed into Jin’s arms.
“Of course you can stay,” Jin said. Teasingly he added, “It’s your bed, after all. I should probably be the one asking permission to stay.”
Kame did laugh a bit at that.
“Do… do you want to talk about your nightmare?”
Again Kame mind flashed back on that scene. His body started to shake again in Jin’s arms. “I don’t remember it.” Okay, that was a complete lie. But he just got Jin back. He didn’t want to drive him off again.
“Okay.” Jin said slowly. Kame realized Jin saw through the lie. “But if you ever do remember, I’m here for you. These nightmares aren’t going to go away if you don’t face them and what happened to you properly.”
“Jin…”
“It’s okay, Kazu. I understand and I won’t make you tell me. But I’m here for you when you’re ready.” But though he didn’t say anything, Kame thought Jin looked hurt.
In the faintest of whispers, Kame said, “You won’t want me anymore…” Ryo had said that so many times. Kame didn’t want to believe that but… surely after everything he did with Ryo in the past two months, he wasn’t worthy of Jin anymore and once Jin knew, he’d leave.
“Nothing could make me not want you, Kazu-chan. Do you hear me? Nothing.”
But Kame didn’t say anything else. Instead he closed his eyes again, did his best to go back to sleep.
+++
It was the next day. Kame wasn’t sure what day of the week. Maybe a Tuesday? How long would it take for him to start feeling time normally again?
Jin had no choice but to go back to class and Kame was alone in the dorm room. He was fine. He was completely…
That door… it wasn’t locked, right? He could leave if he wanted? Yes, of course he could. Jin wouldn’t lock him in. Right?
Maybe just a small check. Make sure.
The door wasn’t locked.
It wasn’t locked the second time he tried it.
It still wasn’t the third time. He left it open after that.
God, he was edgy.
Maybe he should splash some water on his face…
Kame walked to the bathroom. He left that door open, too. At the sink, he turned on the cold tap. Leaning forward, he cupped some of the water in his hands and splashed it across his face. He grabbed the hand towel and started drying his face. Looking up, he saw his face in the mirror…
For a moment, he froze. He stared at himself in the bathroom mirror.
And then he grabbed the lid from the toilet and swung it into the mirror. Stumbling backwards, he fell into the bathtub and managed to pull the shower curtain down with him as he went. He hit the back of his head on the wall, but he barely registered it. Once he was down, he turned, pulling his legs into the tub with him so he could curl up clutching the fallen curtain.
+++
Koki went to see Kame during his lunch. When he got to the room, though, he found the door wide open and the bathroom door beyond that. Stepping into the room, he called out, “Hey Turtle Boyfriend, you in here? You know your door is wide… open…” And Koki stopped at the bathroom door. Broken glass and broken porcelain were all over the sink and the floor around it and Kame was curled up in the tub. “Oh my god, Kame! What happened? Why did you…”
The look Kame shot him as he uncurled and sat up stopped Koki cold. It was dark, almost hateful but at the same time, strangely seductive. The words made him even colder, “You want me, don’t you?” and Koki swallowed hard as he watched Kame run his hand slowly down the line of his buttons.
“Uh, Kame…?”
“I know you do…” Kame licked his lips. Koki’s eyes went wide.
“I’m gonna… go…” And he practically tripped over himself fleeing. He heard a dark, desperate laugh behind him.
Just what had Ryo done to his friend? That wasn’t the Kame he knew…
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A/N: Yeah... Kame's got a long road ahead of him I think, if he's scaring Koki like that. Wonder what Jin will say?
And for the record, I can now officially say that falling backwards into the bathtub fucking hurts. Stupid wasp.
The story continues:
Third Cut ~The Unlikeliest of Places~
Pairing: Jin x Kame
Rating: NC-17
Genre - Catch Me: AU, angst, romance, smut, drama, tragedy
Beta by: my cat. okay, seriously, nobody
Disclaimer: I don't own KAT-TUN, any of its members, any other JE people. I write this for fun and for other fans of these fine folks. But don't steal my plots, mmkay? I put a great deal of time into them except for when I'm randomly spastically spitting words onto a page. But I value those too...
Summary - Catch Me: A dramatic turn in his life throws Kame into Jin's college world. Almost immediately they notice an attraction, but they spend more time clashing than not.
Summary - Lose Me: Kame and Jin still have the occasional argument but mostly they live happily together. But when someone from Kame's past shows up, will the two be able to deal?
Summary - Find Me: Kame has been kidnapped. Will he and Jin ever be reunited?
Summary - Heal Me: The difficult task of readjusting to a normal life... will they make it through together?
Warning: While "Catch Me" part is more towards the fluffy end of the scale at times, the other three parts have such things as drugs and murder and rape and all the fun parts of a bad neighborhood in a big city. Oh, and character death(s).
On my journal: Catch Me, Lose Me, Find Me, Heal Me
On the akame_ Community: Catch Me, Lose Me, Find Me, Heal Me
On the akame_fanfics Community: Catch Me, Lose Me, Find Me, Heal Me
On the kattun_fanfics Community: Catch Me, Lose Me, Find Me, Heal Me
A/N: Here you go!
Heal Me
Second Cut ~Finally Home~
Somehow, Kame had thought being back on campus in the room he shared with Jin would make everything magically better. But as he sat down on the edge of his bed, he just felt drained. No, it was more than that… it was like nothing was real. And, though he hadn’t said anything to Jin, he was terrified he was only dreaming and that the next time he woke up, he’d be back in that room.
Had it really only been two months since he was last in this room? It felt like a year…
He felt an unexpected hand on his shoulder and flinched. Oh, god, he thought he’d learned to not do that anymore! That was one of the rules! Ryo was going to be so mad…
As Kame turned around he started rapidly apologizing. “I’m sorry! I’ll do better! I swear! Please don’t pun-”
But Ryo wasn’t there. It was Jin. Kame closed his eyes and tried to calm his breathing down. “Oh. Sorry.”
“Why are you apologizing?” Jin sounded confused. Kame guessed he couldn’t really blame him.
“It’s… it’s nothing. Just there for a minute, I thought…”
A pause. “You thought I was Ryo…”
Kame nodded. Slowly he opened his eyes. The expression on Jin’s face… he looked so hurt. But he didn’t say anything for a moment, so neither did Kame.
But finally, Kame said, “I guess it’ll take a bit to readjust.”
“Probably.”
Taking a deep breath, Kame asked somewhat rapidly, “Do you… that is, would you mind… it’s just, I’d given up on the idea… Please, lay down with me. Hold me like you used to…” By the time he finished asking, he wasn’t even looking at Jin anymore. His gaze had sort of traveled down to his feet. Hastily, he added, “I mean, if you don’t want to then that’s fine. I just missed you and it wouldn’t have been the same in the hospital bed and that was too small anyway and it was so lonely sleeping alone all this time… not that’d I would want Ryo to… I mean…”
“Why wouldn’t I want to? Baka…”
So the two of them lay down and Kame snuggled up against Jin’s chest and breathed in that wonderful scent he never thought he’d experience again.
He’d hoped it would make him forget the scent of vanilla, but he still remembered…
+++
Jin held for a while Kame as he slept. This enormous sigh of relief spread through him. His Kazu-chan was finally home. But as Kame started to whimper and then cry in his sleep from yet another nightmare, Jin thought maybe his relief was premature. Even though he was sleeping, Kame’s hands tightened around the fabric of Jin’s shirt.
He kissed Kame’s forehead, just like he used to do. Ever so gently, he brushed the tears off of the sleeping Kame’s cheek and whispered, “Shh… you’re safe now…”
It seemed to help. Kame calmed down in his sleep and eventually Jin drifted off as well.
+++
Kame slowly opened his eyes and found himself in Jin’s arms. “Jin? Oh, Jin… is it really you?” he cried out, shaking Jin awake.
Yawning, Jin responded, “Of course it’s me.”
“I don’t want to wake up. Please, keep me here with you. Don’t go away again. Don’t let me wake up. I want to stay… I don’t want to go back!” His grip on Jin’s shirt tightened until his knuckles were white. Waking up meant Ryo. Here in his dream, he was loved and he loved back. He was safe. He was protected.
“But…”
“I’m afraid to wake up. I want to stay with you, here…” And Kame buried his face against Jin’s chest, tears streaming down his face and onto the front of Jin’s shirt.
“Oh, but… Kazu-love, you’re already awake. This is real.”
“Is it?” Kame sniffled.
Kame could feel Jin’s fingers brush his bangs back behind his ear as Jin said, “It is.”
“But… but I was just there.” He could still feel Ryo’s breath on his throat, still smell the vanilla in that shampoo he always used, still hear Ryo’s voice in his ear saying, “Come for me like a good little whore, Kazu…” Kame whole body started to shake.
Jin kissed the top of Kame’s head, embracing him tightly. “It was just another nightmare, Kazu-chan.”
“… so I can stay?” Kame relaxed into Jin’s arms.
“Of course you can stay,” Jin said. Teasingly he added, “It’s your bed, after all. I should probably be the one asking permission to stay.”
Kame did laugh a bit at that.
“Do… do you want to talk about your nightmare?”
Again Kame mind flashed back on that scene. His body started to shake again in Jin’s arms. “I don’t remember it.” Okay, that was a complete lie. But he just got Jin back. He didn’t want to drive him off again.
“Okay.” Jin said slowly. Kame realized Jin saw through the lie. “But if you ever do remember, I’m here for you. These nightmares aren’t going to go away if you don’t face them and what happened to you properly.”
“Jin…”
“It’s okay, Kazu. I understand and I won’t make you tell me. But I’m here for you when you’re ready.” But though he didn’t say anything, Kame thought Jin looked hurt.
In the faintest of whispers, Kame said, “You won’t want me anymore…” Ryo had said that so many times. Kame didn’t want to believe that but… surely after everything he did with Ryo in the past two months, he wasn’t worthy of Jin anymore and once Jin knew, he’d leave.
“Nothing could make me not want you, Kazu-chan. Do you hear me? Nothing.”
But Kame didn’t say anything else. Instead he closed his eyes again, did his best to go back to sleep.
+++
It was the next day. Kame wasn’t sure what day of the week. Maybe a Tuesday? How long would it take for him to start feeling time normally again?
Jin had no choice but to go back to class and Kame was alone in the dorm room. He was fine. He was completely…
That door… it wasn’t locked, right? He could leave if he wanted? Yes, of course he could. Jin wouldn’t lock him in. Right?
Maybe just a small check. Make sure.
The door wasn’t locked.
It wasn’t locked the second time he tried it.
It still wasn’t the third time. He left it open after that.
God, he was edgy.
Maybe he should splash some water on his face…
Kame walked to the bathroom. He left that door open, too. At the sink, he turned on the cold tap. Leaning forward, he cupped some of the water in his hands and splashed it across his face. He grabbed the hand towel and started drying his face. Looking up, he saw his face in the mirror…
For a moment, he froze. He stared at himself in the bathroom mirror.
And then he grabbed the lid from the toilet and swung it into the mirror. Stumbling backwards, he fell into the bathtub and managed to pull the shower curtain down with him as he went. He hit the back of his head on the wall, but he barely registered it. Once he was down, he turned, pulling his legs into the tub with him so he could curl up clutching the fallen curtain.
+++
Koki went to see Kame during his lunch. When he got to the room, though, he found the door wide open and the bathroom door beyond that. Stepping into the room, he called out, “Hey Turtle Boyfriend, you in here? You know your door is wide… open…” And Koki stopped at the bathroom door. Broken glass and broken porcelain were all over the sink and the floor around it and Kame was curled up in the tub. “Oh my god, Kame! What happened? Why did you…”
The look Kame shot him as he uncurled and sat up stopped Koki cold. It was dark, almost hateful but at the same time, strangely seductive. The words made him even colder, “You want me, don’t you?” and Koki swallowed hard as he watched Kame run his hand slowly down the line of his buttons.
“Uh, Kame…?”
“I know you do…” Kame licked his lips. Koki’s eyes went wide.
“I’m gonna… go…” And he practically tripped over himself fleeing. He heard a dark, desperate laugh behind him.
Just what had Ryo done to his friend? That wasn’t the Kame he knew…
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A/N: Yeah... Kame's got a long road ahead of him I think, if he's scaring Koki like that. Wonder what Jin will say?
And for the record, I can now officially say that falling backwards into the bathtub fucking hurts. Stupid wasp.
The story continues:
Third Cut ~The Unlikeliest of Places~