My public LR post, fun!

[ainu_laire]

I'm sure you're all tired of this now, and I can't blame you, haha, but I haven't really said anything about what's happened publicly in my own journal. My name has been mentioned here and there in the drama that's unfolded this last weekend, so I thought it's time for my own little public post clarifying a few thoughts for the curious, and setting

Comments

[rakshathedemon]

I found your transcript exhausting to read - can't imagine how exhausting it must have been for you to actually have dealt with Roisin at that point. I'm glad I never engaged with Roisin in a long correspondence; I don't think I would have been as patient.

I'm thankful we're all quit of her. At least I hope we are!

[ainu_laire]

I can't say I miss her, considering she lied about everything.

I had dozens of conversations like this from 2009 to mid 2010, though they got worse as time went on- this was the last of the long ones, and the worst.

[saerwen_13]

Jesus Christ. I recoiled as I was reading those transcripts--she sounds like a manipulative ass, suffering from cancer or not. I'm glad to see you sticking to your principles in those conversations. *squish* Even if she had been ill, she'd still have had no business treating you like that.

[ainu_laire]

Like I said, I'm a stubborn mule :) It takes a looonnggg time for someone to get me to do something I don't feel ok with doing.

And I agree. I *have* lashed out on people in anger due to some sort of stress or sickness in my life, even recently, and I always apologize, at most, a day later... because I am better at controlling said anger than when I was younger and calming down, the apology often comes within 5 minutes.

So, no, a disease is no excuse to treat people horribly.

[saerwen_13]

And good for you for being that way. :3 I admire those who stick by their guns (and can't respect those who don't).

Yeah; I think everyone acts like an ass at some point. It's just a part of life. But if you habitually treat people like dirt and try to manipulate them into licking your ass, you're a douchebag. I've known way too many people who've had to deal with tons of crap in their lives to feel sympathy for habitual douchebags.

[spiced_wine]

That made me extremely tired. Not bored, but your chat log. Yes, I have experienced something similar, but not on the net, hours and hours and hours of 'talking some-one down'. It is exhausting, and yes, ultimately a waste of time. :\

[ainu_laire]

Heh, and while this chat was the worst, there are several chats, taking hours, that are like this; her constantly negative and paranoid, I spewing off what little I know of psychology and trying to help in a way that I like to receive help when I'm down: logic, advice, and tips mixed with hugs. No hugs here; I was completely emotionally exhausted by her constant negativity and was all worn out.

I didn't realize how badly I was mentally affected until I was removed from it. I became a lot less moody and by late October I was feeling *so* much better with everything- and I had started writing again, something which I had lost motivation for throughout August and September (and in July it was only because of a good RL friend that I got anything done).

Crazy how some things can do that to you.

[spiced_wine]

I didn't realize how badly I was mentally affected until I was removed from it. I became a lot less moody and by late October I was feeling *so* much better with everything- and I had started writing again, something which I had lost motivation for throughout August and September

Trying to be a crutch and support does do that for you. A few years ago, before fanfic when I was trying to write to *please* people, I almost stopped because I was so exhausted at writing for people and not for me. I don't think we realize the energy drain until after. It's good that you got back into writing when the load was lifted.

[lindahoyland]

I love your term "drama llama" and you have summarised the whole affair brilliantly.I had some long IM exchanges with her too so I know the torture of it all!
From my records her first appearance was Sept 21st2008 when she added me to her author alerts on ff.net

I'm just so very sorry that she put you through all this. You and others of my friends have suffered a great deal.

I guess "Eli" was determined to pick a fight with you because you were the one who lived nearest and could possibly uncover the truth.I recall how Roisin put you off from going to the wedding or visiting the hospital.

Hugs.

[ainu_laire]

All aboard the drama llama! :D Llamas are fantastic.

I remember finding her story around then, too, and I was definitely one of the first reviewers of it (I think you were, too). I am not sure if she watched me... *looks* nope, doesn't look like it.

Oh, it's ok, at least on my part. She died for me in September, and 'Eli' was never a friend of mine, which I guess she did not realize until the end. And yea, it was fascinating how she moaned for friends and no visitors and then completely pushed me away when I actually *could*. Oh, hindsight, come earlier next time.

Big hugs to you, too.

[rhapsody11]

I have a whole big deja vu all over again reading that transcript, because yes, been there done that (especially the husband chats) and I know that I am not the only one. Ainu, you were often brought up as a kind of trump card that you met her in RL, so she was a genuine person. It is difficult to reach that moment where a series of lies become a pattern and you start to question *everything*. I made a decision, cut ties so that I could give my energy to those who needed it. The solitude was hard, but it also gave me the space to re-evaluate and move on. I so hope you can do that as well.

[ainu_laire]

Ainu, you were often brought up as a kind of trump card that you met her in RL, so she was a genuine person.Whoops. My bad. Most unintentional, I assure you