My public LR post, fun!
I'm sure you're all tired of this now, and I can't blame you, haha, but I haven't really said anything about what's happened publicly in my own journal. My name has been mentioned here and there in the drama that's unfolded this last weekend, so I thought it's time for my own little public post clarifying a few thoughts for the curious, and setting the record straight on my part.
I found out a lot of interesting things, going back through the archives of my journal and list archives... including some thoughts on where she may have gotten her ideas! Exciting!
The end of the drama, which I linked as a friends-locked post, can be found here: http://dawn-felagund.livejournal.com/265934.html For those who think it's TL;DR, basically everything below is what I *thought* was true, but turned out to be completely false. Woohoo.
I'm digging into the archives of the OAA group, because that's where a lot of it started. lady_Roisin apparently joined Oct 3, 2008. The same day, she claimed she was receiving a lot of "abuse" concerning her story, 'Captain of the Haven' on fanfiction.net (it's not up anymore). Considering the trolls that frequent the site, I imagine most, if not everyone, believed her and comforted her. Not bad, everyone has had their share of flamers or trolls at one point or another.
By October 6th, she was friends with me on LJ. I know for sure I was one of her first friends here.
On October 15th, my aunt was diagnosed with cancer (for those interested, she's still alive and fighting and is still totally awesome, considering what she's going through). I told LJ, and I felt pretty broken up about it. In less than a month- I cannot find the exact date, but it was definitely by Nov 15- Roisin was diagnosed with cancer.
Well, crap. I may have given her the idea of using a cancer story. My bad. >_> I assure you it was not intentional...
So, Roisin has cancer, and she ended up in the hospital somewhere around the holidays, may have been there for Christmas due to complications with surgery. She meets 'Eli', or Elijah Cordova. I remember googling his name, looking for any sort of nurses with that name in San Diego, and didn't find any. I thought it was just my Google-fu had failed. And I was still suspicious that she was telling the truth- I even wrote a *handwritten* entry about it in Jan 09, one that I did not want online since it was such a sensitive topic. Hum. Should have trusted those first instincts. Gotta love hindsight.
In a rather stunning turn of events, due to her financial situation- no insurance, crappy house, nothing- Eli decides to marry her for financial reasons. They marry in February (may have been something cliche, like the 14th), a month after meeting each other. He seems a decent fellow. And then he loses his job, cheats on her, drinks, gets in a drunk driving accident (I believe, I remember there was a car accident at some point), the majority of this happening in 2009 while she battled cancer. Oh, yes, and her first cat(s?) died, she adopted four orphan kitties, two of the kitties died while their house was robbed and mauled by the neighbor dog, Eli's big kitty died at some point, and then they got a dog. Oh, and they moved around 3 or so times before ending up in Eli's parents' home. And this all happened within a year. Yea. Hindsight tells me that even the most unlucky people are not this unlucky. But, doubt prevailed...
In March(ish), the Great Email Scandal happened, but I was not involved, and those who were have already spoken and resolved things, so I won't say more. Just know that she was trying- and succeeded- in turning people against someone well known, and respected, in the LOTR part of the fandom. And yea, I was suspicious about this friend, too. Which I *am* ashamed of, now, since I was still suspicious of Roisin as well. *sigh* It was around this time that she made her last post in the OAA group.
At the time even my RL best friend got involved. She gave Roisin a list of all these help centers and groups that she could go for for people to talk to and such. Roisin ended up using this as a plotline to kill off her "best friend" with cancer, Abby (IIRC was her name). She died sometime in 2010, I believe.
But back on track. In July 2009- before all of the above happened- I met her. I am pretty sure I am the only person involved with her online who actually got to see her in RL. I was in San Diego for the Comic Con and since she lived there, we decided to meet up, get lunch together, and hang out a little bit. She was at the point that she was taking chemo, but not so sick that she couldn't go out, or that she was in the hospital *all* the time. She had a wig, she was pale, and she was a bit slow... she was incredibly convincing. She even had a picture of Eli with her, IIRC. But it was after that meeting that my doubts disappeared. Heck, I even introduced her to a couple friends, including Richard Taylor.
Yea. Big whoops on my part. >_>
I was told after the Comic Con that she got really sick from the experience- all those people and germs, whatever- so that her husband was not allowing her to go again. I told her that was cool, I'd visit her somewhere more quiet. She did try to discourage me, but she never did realize how bloody stubborn I was.
Anyways, sometime- I think in fall 2009, but it may have been earlier- she got the account amaranth_5 to hide from her "enemies". Which I am pretty sure are all made up, or at the least were not posted without good reason. But I doubt anyone was attacking her from the start; she began the drama.
As she started becoming more "ill", her husband began talking to me more often. I found this weird, but as he didn't do anything that I would consider OHNOYOUDIDN'T material, even if it was mind-boggling, I chatted with him. Perhaps it is due to my youth that I did not find this weirder and alarm bells did not ring. I never considered him a friend, which I don't think Roisin knew nor understood when she "played" him.
Since the day she joined the Tolkien fandom- by 2010 she had well moved on from LOTR and was now in the Silmarillion part of the fandom- she was always accusing others of some sort of conspiracies against her. From 2008 to later 2009, especially *after* meeting her, I believed her when she said that she was getting emails or nasty reviews, though I did not necessarily believe that it was some of the people she claimed it was, just sock puppets pretending to be those people.
Sometime around here her mom- who did abuse her emotionally (and I think physically)- died, and she went to the funeral. This was before she ended up permanently in the hospice.
By May 2010, I was getting sick of it. I still believed she had cancer, but man, every time I tried to be encouraging, and every time I gave advice to help her get through it, she ignored it or lashed out against me, and the lashing out was getting worse- and I can only tolerate so much. In late March the community a_roses_thorns was created for her by her so-called husband and Panda, a well-meaning woman just as fooled as a lot of us were. I read everything in the beginning, but I started to stop reading the entries by around May (I'm not sure, I don't have access to the group anymore due to events that followed).
In late April/early May, a couple of my close friends in fandom were kicked out of the community and accused of rather vicious things. I believed she was merely overreacting due to her condition. We got into a nice fight on May 16th, 2010. I saved this chat log. For kicks and giggles, here are some excerpts. It started with her mentioning that she wanted people who could "understand her". So me, being the logical emotionless robot I am (:D), mentioned perhaps that online cancer groups could help. She got... incredibly offended. Sorry for the length:
ainu_laire 1:50 AM Roisin, I've tried to be supportive of you, constantly, and I've given you my advice and what I would do, and you've basically disregarded it. I'm at a loss.
roisin_elendiel 1:50 AM You're telling me to go join some group for people with cancer!
ainu_laire 1:50 AM There's little more you can do to be part of my life considering the distance between us- you're on my LJ's friend's list and I on yours, and we communicate with what technology allows.
51:09 you've ignored all my other advice that I've given in the past.
51:28 you were looking for a group who identifies with you
51:48 there's little more identifying than a group of people who are going through the same hardship as you.
52:15 especially since you've given up on your friends on lj- or are simply convinced they've given up on you.
roisin_elendiel 1:52 AM Maybe I would like my friends to aknowledge me as "me" for once and not as someone who's sick and dying.
53:07 And yeah a lot of them have given up on me
ainu_laire 1:53 AM when I talk to you as bluntly as I do my other friends you get offended.
roisin_elendiel 1:53 AM But lemme guess.....that's my fault isn't it?
ainu_laire 1:53 AM you've given up on yourself.
53:46 who would you blame?
roisin_elendiel 1:53 AM Yep, sure, whatever you say
54:52 If feeling overwhelmed in my situation with friends who don't have a clue at all is me giving up on myself, then fine, I guess that's me giving up on myself
55:39 Let's just forget I'm the one sitting in a hospital, fighting to live every single day.... Yes, that's really giving up
ainu_laire 1:56 AM Dude, I've read your LJ entries, and I've talked to you so much. You have given up on yourself, you are the one who brings up cancer. If you want people to stop seeing you as the sick one, then why mention "let's just forget I'm the one dying" as you did just now? You are contradicting yourself.
roisin_elendiel 1:57 AM I feel like I'm forced to be a contradiction all the time
ainu_laire 1:58 AM I have always treated you with kindness and as I would any other friend. No matter what you think of me, that's the truth. And in the end- I've said this to you before- you make your own choices.
roisin_elendiel 1:59 AM And I mention it now because you accuse me of giving up, which I will say offends me deeply and frankly pisses me off big time, because I'm far from giving up. I just don't fight "your" way, so it's giving up
ainu_laire 2:00 AM alright, that's fine, you know yourself best. But the air you are giving off in your IMs and LJ posts basically makes it seem like you're giving up. My apologies for misreading you.
roisin_elendiel 2:03 AM I wasn't fighting "your" way for you, wasn't Christian enough for name blocked for privacy, wasn't whatever everyone else wanted....in the end I would just like for those I live to just be there, to allow me to grieve, to let me angry I'd I need to be, or be happy, to be a part of these things that are important to me, because it's not like there will be another chance. But people want me to die by "their" standards and it's not right or fair.
05:49 I would just like to be accepted...for once in my life, and for it to be ok that I feel whatever I feel. I would just Luke to be able to belong.
ainu_laire 2:05 AM when a friend gives you advice that they give from the depth of their heart on what they think is right, it is not meant to anger you. and it seems you don't want your friends to give you any sort of opinion that doesn't match yours- that is not what a friendship is to me. and I am not bringing name blocked for privacy into this, she is a good, well-meaning woman.
She claimed she was attacked in a post that did not exist on a date where there was no posts- and I checked, she never gave me a link despite me asking for both a link and a real date- and the conversation continued on long into the morning, her accusing me of siding with others and plotting against her and other bs (i have no idea why the times changes when you reply more than once, it's all from the same chat):
roisin_elendiel 16:27 But y'all can stop avoiding me because you're all on her side
ainu_laire 2:16 AM is that what you think im doing?
16:35 I have FINALS. I've been busy the last two-three weeks with finals. I haven't been commenting on anyone's stuff regularly!
17:14 You're angry with me because you think I've been avoiding you? Christ, Roisin.
roisin_elendiel 2:17 AM Y'all seem think I'm this super Gillian who attacks people at random. And it's not true yea, sure, Roisin. Wow, reading this convo now is so weird.
ainu_laire 2:17 AM I'm really baffled. Not angry, just baffled.
18:05Well, then what the hell are you accusing me of?Can't you just be blunt?
roisin_elendiel 2:18 AM What am I supposed to think? Nobody talks to me anymore? All of a sudden everyone of our mutual friends stopped talking to me
ainu_laire 2:18 AM well, assuming is not the way to start.
roisin_elendiel 2:19 AM So what am I supposed to think, people are always drawing lnrs in the sand, always siding with the other vets
ainu_laire 2:19 AM Immediately thinking the worst of a person is not going to make you friends anywhere.
roisin_elendiel 2:19 AM I've always been the one in the wrong by default
ainu_laire 2:20 AM And you're making yourself the victim again. haha I'm so mean. yes, I still thought she was dying of cancer, but over the course of several conversations like this, I had really had enough...
roisin_elendiel 2:20 AM Yeah but that's what people do to me all the time....assume the worst
ainu_laire 2:20 AM So you decided that two wrongs would make a right? And what did I say again about your own personal choices?
roisin_elendiel 2:20 AM Jou yourself told me you didn't even believe I had cancer until you met me And I was totally RIGHT too, bloody hell.
21:23 Is that not assuming the worst?
ainu_laire 2:21 AM Not true. I didn't believe until I got to know you.
21:47 I had a bad experience in the past. But this is not about me, this is about you.
21:54 All the conflict is around you, not me.
22:03 And it takes two to tango.
roisin_elendiel 2:22 AM I don't like being abandoned and having my trust betrayed
ainu_laire 2:23 AM And I don't like being accused of things I haven't done, which you're doing to me, and I haven't done either of what you just said.
roisin_elendiel 2:23 AM I think with me going into hospice and everything else is totally the wring time to being up some silly lj post
That's where my side of it all rests at
24:33 I needed my friend whom I loved and trusted and she left me
ainu_laire 2:24 AM ... i've asked three times not to discuss this. yea, in the few minutes that I cut, she kept on bringing Blocked Name up. It was ridiculous.
24:50 Do not make me ask again.
roisin_elendiel 2:26 AM Then don't just assume what happened and blame for it all
26:57 And I won't bring it ip
ainu_laire 2:27 AM I. Never. Did. All I said was that A. There is no public proof of anything good or bad from either side B. name blocked for privacy is my friend and a kind woman. So seriously. Drop it.
roisin_elendiel 2:27 AM Because I'm sick to death of taking the full blame for everything that goes wrong
29:00 And so what am I then?.....a horrible evil person who lies to people about having cancer?
ainu_laire 2:29 AM ... what?
roisin_elendiel 2:30 AM Your blaming me for everything that goes wrong, so I'm not really sure what to think, like everything that has gone wrong with me in the fandom is all my fault.
ainu_laire 2:31 AM ... I never did that. Ever.
roisin_elendiel 2:31 AM It feels like it
ainu_laire 2:31 AM And if you honestly think I did, then you can defriend me if you really think so little of me.
roisin_elendiel 2:31 AM None of you ever stood up for me when I was wronged and when people were saying things about me
32:34 That whole munchausens thing was my fault somehow
ainu_laire 2:33 AM I never saw any of the posts when they happened- I'm not friends with name blocked for privacy #2 on LJ, we don't even know each other, and I like to avoid drama. And has the fake name blocked for privacy #3 email slipped your mind?
roisin_elendiel 2:33 AM Nobody ever stopped and said roisin is a good person and to knock it off
34:00 No, because nobody stood up for me in that either
ainu_laire 2:34 AM .... name blocked for privacy #3 had a whole post about how horrible it was. I would link it, but #3 wants to never bring it up again due to the drama that unfolded and blocked it, and I can respect that.
roisin_elendiel 2:34 AM Everyone jumped to name blocked for privacy #3's defense
ainu_laire 2:34 AM i remember it very clearly.
34:35 yea, she was impersonated
roisin_elendiel 2:34 AM Yeah and I was threatened
ainu_laire 2:35 AM yea, and we all thought it was horrible.
35:15 that someone threatened you
35:30 using name blocked for privacy #3's name
roisin_elendiel 2:35 AM Then why didn't anyone say rousin didn't deserve that?
35:59 Everyone latched to how horrible this was to name blocked for privacy #3
36:42 "I" had to confront the offenders myself because no one would help me, and I felt very alone in all of it
37:20 I'm not some vet or popular author with a bunch of friends
ainu_laire 2:37 AM [info]name blocked for privacy #4 wrote:
May. 10th, 2009 09:15 am (local)
I don't understand how anyone can be so despicable and so full of hate. My prayers are with Eli and Lady Roison. This is the last thing they need to deal with. I hope you do find out who is doing this, and they are punished for their crime, for that is exactly what it is. No one has the right to post such lies.
roisin_elendiel 2:38 AM I don't even know who that is
ainu_laire 2:38 AM [info]name blocked for privacy #5 wrote:
May. 10th, 2009 12:56 pm (local)
I just read this and wanted to add my sympathies both to you and to Lady Roison and her family. I can't at all understand the mindset of some people.
38:26 [info]name blocked for privacy #6 wrote:
May. 10th, 2009 02:30 pm (local)
Oh that is terrible! To be so cruel is just appalling - to try and implicate you is ... well I cannot think of any suitable words!
Poor Lady Roisin and her husband - I don't know them but if they are reading this, which I guess they might, then I send both my sympathy for the terrible rubbish being sent and my very best wishes for her in her struggle against cancer.
38:42 [info]ainu_laire wrote:
May. 10th, 2009 04:38 pm (local)
I just caught wind of this and I am absolutely disgusted by this behavior.
I know a list of the couple abusers of friendship, and though I have not made their names known, with Roisin's latest news about hacking I am just about ready to burst.
This is ridiculous.
38:57 [info]name blocked for privacy #7 wrote:
May. 10th, 2009 06:48 pm (local)
name blocked for privacy #3--
I'm so sorry this happened to Lady Roisin and to you. Having your identity and space hijacked like that is scary and outrageous.
39:03 that's just some of them
39:05 im done
good night.
Wow. Long.
Anyways, I'll keep it short from here. Eli contacted me soon after, talked about how hard Roisin was crying, I told him I had proof of chat logs, and that I'll apologize if I hurt her feelings, but I wanted an apology, too, because dude, she was vicious. And I've been sick and hormonal in the past- when I lash out, I apologize. So I expected the same of her.
She did, and by mid-June we were 'friends', though I did not comment often on her posts- it was just getting worse, and she did not want to hear what I had to say.
July 2010, and the Comic Con, rolls around. I tried my damnedest to meet Roisin in the hospice she was staying at. I contacted Eli several times- from 6/26 to 7/22 a *dozen* times through IMs alone (thank you Digsby log), and on LJ several more times. Yes, I am stubborn to a fault. I then got the news that he'd be working a booth for the bookstore he worked at. I looked through the booth names, and there was no bookstore booth even *remotely* close to his store's name. In hindsight (yea, I know), I should have called the bookstore asking for a booth number, since he never gave me that. And I would have found out a lot sooner that there was no booth, nor an Eli.
So despite trying very hard to try and visit her, I was blocked from her husband. She asked me on Sunday after I got home if I was still in SD, but she should have known that I was already gone.
She asked me in early August for a drawing. I told her my charge, she mentioned she did not have much money, I'm a stubborn mule and didn't budge. So she said that the charge I ended up with after she gave me her request was "reasonable", but Eli contacted me a few days later that they couldn't afford it and that Roisin's eyesight was almost gone anyways (despite the fact that she had typed to me rather well a few days ago...?) I accepted it and moved on.
Roisin finally kicked the bucket in early September, and yes, I cried. I feel a bit stupid now, crying over someone who didn't exist, but, well, that's life. I'm glad someone isn't dead from cancer. Eli ended up completely spatting at me after I mentioned that it was best that he just step away from the computer and take care of his daughter (who was illegitimate and was born in June, though he had custody due to birth mom being a drug addict), and he went nuts, mentioning how I shouldn't be telling him anything due to my age/immaturity (*coughcough*). The fact that Eli was only a few years older than I didn't seem to matter.
So that hurt me because he was reallllllyyy nasty and passive aggressive, and I told him to leave me alone. We split off. Apparently some nasty things were said about me now, but nothing ever reached my ears, and I was able to move on with my life.
And finally, everything was revealed this weekend.
Did I spend a lot of time with Roisin, online- and even off? Yes. But not as much as others. Was I hurt by Roisin's/Eli's/Hope's actions? Yea, a bit. I cry easily (I'm a noob like that), and they- she- hurt me a bit. I'm not ashamed to admit it, I wear my emotions on my sleeve, as a wise (and utterly awesome) man told me once. However, while I knew her, and was in contact with her and all of her personas, for the longest out of everyone involved, I got off relatively easily. She chose different targets for her hate early, and that ended up with two people leaving the fandom permanently and another lurking for the past two years (and who will hopefully return and I will see more often, now! ... even if she likes the dumb elf more than the awesome Ranger ;) ). I think they were more hurt than I was, completely.
So, in conclusion, considering that I was the longest involved with her, met her in real life, had her on FB, gave her my number in 09 (yea, I hope she lost it, if she didn't and contacts me, I'll welcome her back from the dead and get her phone number blocked, or get a new number if I must, no biggie ^^), I got off a lot lighter than others. There are a lot more in the fandom that had their names dragged through the dirt, and because Eli was dragging so many people by the time he- uh, she- decided that I was Target of the Week, most were not believing the posts anymore.
If anyone did doubt me due to her comments, I don't blame you; I was in the same boat about someone on my F-list. If anyone reading this *does* doubt my sincerity now, after all of this, please do comment, or PM me privately! I bark sometimes, but do not bite, and I will answer any questions to the best of my ability.
Thanks for reading. If you skip parts, or most of it. I really can't blame you, it's bloody long. And I have even more- that was only part of one chat transcript, and I have everything from May to now logged (I would have more, but, new laptop from that time period...)
TY again, and I hope you all have a great week.
I found out a lot of interesting things, going back through the archives of my journal and list archives... including some thoughts on where she may have gotten her ideas! Exciting!
The end of the drama, which I linked as a friends-locked post, can be found here: http://dawn-felagund.livejournal.com/265934.html For those who think it's TL;DR, basically everything below is what I *thought* was true, but turned out to be completely false. Woohoo.
I'm digging into the archives of the OAA group, because that's where a lot of it started. lady_Roisin apparently joined Oct 3, 2008. The same day, she claimed she was receiving a lot of "abuse" concerning her story, 'Captain of the Haven' on fanfiction.net (it's not up anymore). Considering the trolls that frequent the site, I imagine most, if not everyone, believed her and comforted her. Not bad, everyone has had their share of flamers or trolls at one point or another.
By October 6th, she was friends with me on LJ. I know for sure I was one of her first friends here.
On October 15th, my aunt was diagnosed with cancer (for those interested, she's still alive and fighting and is still totally awesome, considering what she's going through). I told LJ, and I felt pretty broken up about it. In less than a month- I cannot find the exact date, but it was definitely by Nov 15- Roisin was diagnosed with cancer.
Well, crap. I may have given her the idea of using a cancer story. My bad. >_> I assure you it was not intentional...
So, Roisin has cancer, and she ended up in the hospital somewhere around the holidays, may have been there for Christmas due to complications with surgery. She meets 'Eli', or Elijah Cordova. I remember googling his name, looking for any sort of nurses with that name in San Diego, and didn't find any. I thought it was just my Google-fu had failed. And I was still suspicious that she was telling the truth- I even wrote a *handwritten* entry about it in Jan 09, one that I did not want online since it was such a sensitive topic. Hum. Should have trusted those first instincts. Gotta love hindsight.
In a rather stunning turn of events, due to her financial situation- no insurance, crappy house, nothing- Eli decides to marry her for financial reasons. They marry in February (may have been something cliche, like the 14th), a month after meeting each other. He seems a decent fellow. And then he loses his job, cheats on her, drinks, gets in a drunk driving accident (I believe, I remember there was a car accident at some point), the majority of this happening in 2009 while she battled cancer. Oh, yes, and her first cat(s?) died, she adopted four orphan kitties, two of the kitties died while their house was robbed and mauled by the neighbor dog, Eli's big kitty died at some point, and then they got a dog. Oh, and they moved around 3 or so times before ending up in Eli's parents' home. And this all happened within a year. Yea. Hindsight tells me that even the most unlucky people are not this unlucky. But, doubt prevailed...
In March(ish), the Great Email Scandal happened, but I was not involved, and those who were have already spoken and resolved things, so I won't say more. Just know that she was trying- and succeeded- in turning people against someone well known, and respected, in the LOTR part of the fandom. And yea, I was suspicious about this friend, too. Which I *am* ashamed of, now, since I was still suspicious of Roisin as well. *sigh* It was around this time that she made her last post in the OAA group.
At the time even my RL best friend got involved. She gave Roisin a list of all these help centers and groups that she could go for for people to talk to and such. Roisin ended up using this as a plotline to kill off her "best friend" with cancer, Abby (IIRC was her name). She died sometime in 2010, I believe.
But back on track. In July 2009- before all of the above happened- I met her. I am pretty sure I am the only person involved with her online who actually got to see her in RL. I was in San Diego for the Comic Con and since she lived there, we decided to meet up, get lunch together, and hang out a little bit. She was at the point that she was taking chemo, but not so sick that she couldn't go out, or that she was in the hospital *all* the time. She had a wig, she was pale, and she was a bit slow... she was incredibly convincing. She even had a picture of Eli with her, IIRC. But it was after that meeting that my doubts disappeared. Heck, I even introduced her to a couple friends, including Richard Taylor.
Yea. Big whoops on my part. >_>
I was told after the Comic Con that she got really sick from the experience- all those people and germs, whatever- so that her husband was not allowing her to go again. I told her that was cool, I'd visit her somewhere more quiet. She did try to discourage me, but she never did realize how bloody stubborn I was.
Anyways, sometime- I think in fall 2009, but it may have been earlier- she got the account amaranth_5 to hide from her "enemies". Which I am pretty sure are all made up, or at the least were not posted without good reason. But I doubt anyone was attacking her from the start; she began the drama.
As she started becoming more "ill", her husband began talking to me more often. I found this weird, but as he didn't do anything that I would consider OHNOYOUDIDN'T material, even if it was mind-boggling, I chatted with him. Perhaps it is due to my youth that I did not find this weirder and alarm bells did not ring. I never considered him a friend, which I don't think Roisin knew nor understood when she "played" him.
Since the day she joined the Tolkien fandom- by 2010 she had well moved on from LOTR and was now in the Silmarillion part of the fandom- she was always accusing others of some sort of conspiracies against her. From 2008 to later 2009, especially *after* meeting her, I believed her when she said that she was getting emails or nasty reviews, though I did not necessarily believe that it was some of the people she claimed it was, just sock puppets pretending to be those people.
Sometime around here her mom- who did abuse her emotionally (and I think physically)- died, and she went to the funeral. This was before she ended up permanently in the hospice.
By May 2010, I was getting sick of it. I still believed she had cancer, but man, every time I tried to be encouraging, and every time I gave advice to help her get through it, she ignored it or lashed out against me, and the lashing out was getting worse- and I can only tolerate so much. In late March the community a_roses_thorns was created for her by her so-called husband and Panda, a well-meaning woman just as fooled as a lot of us were. I read everything in the beginning, but I started to stop reading the entries by around May (I'm not sure, I don't have access to the group anymore due to events that followed).
In late April/early May, a couple of my close friends in fandom were kicked out of the community and accused of rather vicious things. I believed she was merely overreacting due to her condition. We got into a nice fight on May 16th, 2010. I saved this chat log. For kicks and giggles, here are some excerpts. It started with her mentioning that she wanted people who could "understand her". So me, being the logical emotionless robot I am (:D), mentioned perhaps that online cancer groups could help. She got... incredibly offended. Sorry for the length:
ainu_laire 1:50 AM Roisin, I've tried to be supportive of you, constantly, and I've given you my advice and what I would do, and you've basically disregarded it. I'm at a loss.
roisin_elendiel 1:50 AM You're telling me to go join some group for people with cancer!
ainu_laire 1:50 AM There's little more you can do to be part of my life considering the distance between us- you're on my LJ's friend's list and I on yours, and we communicate with what technology allows.
51:09 you've ignored all my other advice that I've given in the past.
51:28 you were looking for a group who identifies with you
51:48 there's little more identifying than a group of people who are going through the same hardship as you.
52:15 especially since you've given up on your friends on lj- or are simply convinced they've given up on you.
roisin_elendiel 1:52 AM Maybe I would like my friends to aknowledge me as "me" for once and not as someone who's sick and dying.
53:07 And yeah a lot of them have given up on me
ainu_laire 1:53 AM when I talk to you as bluntly as I do my other friends you get offended.
roisin_elendiel 1:53 AM But lemme guess.....that's my fault isn't it?
ainu_laire 1:53 AM you've given up on yourself.
53:46 who would you blame?
roisin_elendiel 1:53 AM Yep, sure, whatever you say
54:52 If feeling overwhelmed in my situation with friends who don't have a clue at all is me giving up on myself, then fine, I guess that's me giving up on myself
55:39 Let's just forget I'm the one sitting in a hospital, fighting to live every single day.... Yes, that's really giving up
ainu_laire 1:56 AM Dude, I've read your LJ entries, and I've talked to you so much. You have given up on yourself, you are the one who brings up cancer. If you want people to stop seeing you as the sick one, then why mention "let's just forget I'm the one dying" as you did just now? You are contradicting yourself.
roisin_elendiel 1:57 AM I feel like I'm forced to be a contradiction all the time
ainu_laire 1:58 AM I have always treated you with kindness and as I would any other friend. No matter what you think of me, that's the truth. And in the end- I've said this to you before- you make your own choices.
roisin_elendiel 1:59 AM And I mention it now because you accuse me of giving up, which I will say offends me deeply and frankly pisses me off big time, because I'm far from giving up. I just don't fight "your" way, so it's giving up
ainu_laire 2:00 AM alright, that's fine, you know yourself best. But the air you are giving off in your IMs and LJ posts basically makes it seem like you're giving up. My apologies for misreading you.
roisin_elendiel 2:03 AM I wasn't fighting "your" way for you, wasn't Christian enough for name blocked for privacy, wasn't whatever everyone else wanted....in the end I would just like for those I live to just be there, to allow me to grieve, to let me angry I'd I need to be, or be happy, to be a part of these things that are important to me, because it's not like there will be another chance. But people want me to die by "their" standards and it's not right or fair.
05:49 I would just like to be accepted...for once in my life, and for it to be ok that I feel whatever I feel. I would just Luke to be able to belong.
ainu_laire 2:05 AM when a friend gives you advice that they give from the depth of their heart on what they think is right, it is not meant to anger you. and it seems you don't want your friends to give you any sort of opinion that doesn't match yours- that is not what a friendship is to me. and I am not bringing name blocked for privacy into this, she is a good, well-meaning woman.
She claimed she was attacked in a post that did not exist on a date where there was no posts- and I checked, she never gave me a link despite me asking for both a link and a real date- and the conversation continued on long into the morning, her accusing me of siding with others and plotting against her and other bs (i have no idea why the times changes when you reply more than once, it's all from the same chat):
roisin_elendiel 16:27 But y'all can stop avoiding me because you're all on her side
ainu_laire 2:16 AM is that what you think im doing?
16:35 I have FINALS. I've been busy the last two-three weeks with finals. I haven't been commenting on anyone's stuff regularly!
17:14 You're angry with me because you think I've been avoiding you? Christ, Roisin.
roisin_elendiel 2:17 AM Y'all seem think I'm this super Gillian who attacks people at random. And it's not true yea, sure, Roisin. Wow, reading this convo now is so weird.
ainu_laire 2:17 AM I'm really baffled. Not angry, just baffled.
18:05Well, then what the hell are you accusing me of?Can't you just be blunt?
roisin_elendiel 2:18 AM What am I supposed to think? Nobody talks to me anymore? All of a sudden everyone of our mutual friends stopped talking to me
ainu_laire 2:18 AM well, assuming is not the way to start.
roisin_elendiel 2:19 AM So what am I supposed to think, people are always drawing lnrs in the sand, always siding with the other vets
ainu_laire 2:19 AM Immediately thinking the worst of a person is not going to make you friends anywhere.
roisin_elendiel 2:19 AM I've always been the one in the wrong by default
ainu_laire 2:20 AM And you're making yourself the victim again. haha I'm so mean. yes, I still thought she was dying of cancer, but over the course of several conversations like this, I had really had enough...
roisin_elendiel 2:20 AM Yeah but that's what people do to me all the time....assume the worst
ainu_laire 2:20 AM So you decided that two wrongs would make a right? And what did I say again about your own personal choices?
roisin_elendiel 2:20 AM Jou yourself told me you didn't even believe I had cancer until you met me And I was totally RIGHT too, bloody hell.
21:23 Is that not assuming the worst?
ainu_laire 2:21 AM Not true. I didn't believe until I got to know you.
21:47 I had a bad experience in the past. But this is not about me, this is about you.
21:54 All the conflict is around you, not me.
22:03 And it takes two to tango.
roisin_elendiel 2:22 AM I don't like being abandoned and having my trust betrayed
ainu_laire 2:23 AM And I don't like being accused of things I haven't done, which you're doing to me, and I haven't done either of what you just said.
roisin_elendiel 2:23 AM I think with me going into hospice and everything else is totally the wring time to being up some silly lj post
That's where my side of it all rests at
24:33 I needed my friend whom I loved and trusted and she left me
ainu_laire 2:24 AM ... i've asked three times not to discuss this. yea, in the few minutes that I cut, she kept on bringing Blocked Name up. It was ridiculous.
24:50 Do not make me ask again.
roisin_elendiel 2:26 AM Then don't just assume what happened and blame for it all
26:57 And I won't bring it ip
ainu_laire 2:27 AM I. Never. Did. All I said was that A. There is no public proof of anything good or bad from either side B. name blocked for privacy is my friend and a kind woman. So seriously. Drop it.
roisin_elendiel 2:27 AM Because I'm sick to death of taking the full blame for everything that goes wrong
29:00 And so what am I then?.....a horrible evil person who lies to people about having cancer?
ainu_laire 2:29 AM ... what?
roisin_elendiel 2:30 AM Your blaming me for everything that goes wrong, so I'm not really sure what to think, like everything that has gone wrong with me in the fandom is all my fault.
ainu_laire 2:31 AM ... I never did that. Ever.
roisin_elendiel 2:31 AM It feels like it
ainu_laire 2:31 AM And if you honestly think I did, then you can defriend me if you really think so little of me.
roisin_elendiel 2:31 AM None of you ever stood up for me when I was wronged and when people were saying things about me
32:34 That whole munchausens thing was my fault somehow
ainu_laire 2:33 AM I never saw any of the posts when they happened- I'm not friends with name blocked for privacy #2 on LJ, we don't even know each other, and I like to avoid drama. And has the fake name blocked for privacy #3 email slipped your mind?
roisin_elendiel 2:33 AM Nobody ever stopped and said roisin is a good person and to knock it off
34:00 No, because nobody stood up for me in that either
ainu_laire 2:34 AM .... name blocked for privacy #3 had a whole post about how horrible it was. I would link it, but #3 wants to never bring it up again due to the drama that unfolded and blocked it, and I can respect that.
roisin_elendiel 2:34 AM Everyone jumped to name blocked for privacy #3's defense
ainu_laire 2:34 AM i remember it very clearly.
34:35 yea, she was impersonated
roisin_elendiel 2:34 AM Yeah and I was threatened
ainu_laire 2:35 AM yea, and we all thought it was horrible.
35:15 that someone threatened you
35:30 using name blocked for privacy #3's name
roisin_elendiel 2:35 AM Then why didn't anyone say rousin didn't deserve that?
35:59 Everyone latched to how horrible this was to name blocked for privacy #3
36:42 "I" had to confront the offenders myself because no one would help me, and I felt very alone in all of it
37:20 I'm not some vet or popular author with a bunch of friends
ainu_laire 2:37 AM [info]name blocked for privacy #4 wrote:
May. 10th, 2009 09:15 am (local)
I don't understand how anyone can be so despicable and so full of hate. My prayers are with Eli and Lady Roison. This is the last thing they need to deal with. I hope you do find out who is doing this, and they are punished for their crime, for that is exactly what it is. No one has the right to post such lies.
roisin_elendiel 2:38 AM I don't even know who that is
ainu_laire 2:38 AM [info]name blocked for privacy #5 wrote:
May. 10th, 2009 12:56 pm (local)
I just read this and wanted to add my sympathies both to you and to Lady Roison and her family. I can't at all understand the mindset of some people.
38:26 [info]name blocked for privacy #6 wrote:
May. 10th, 2009 02:30 pm (local)
Oh that is terrible! To be so cruel is just appalling - to try and implicate you is ... well I cannot think of any suitable words!
Poor Lady Roisin and her husband - I don't know them but if they are reading this, which I guess they might, then I send both my sympathy for the terrible rubbish being sent and my very best wishes for her in her struggle against cancer.
38:42 [info]ainu_laire wrote:
May. 10th, 2009 04:38 pm (local)
I just caught wind of this and I am absolutely disgusted by this behavior.
I know a list of the couple abusers of friendship, and though I have not made their names known, with Roisin's latest news about hacking I am just about ready to burst.
This is ridiculous.
38:57 [info]name blocked for privacy #7 wrote:
May. 10th, 2009 06:48 pm (local)
name blocked for privacy #3--
I'm so sorry this happened to Lady Roisin and to you. Having your identity and space hijacked like that is scary and outrageous.
39:03 that's just some of them
39:05 im done
good night.
Wow. Long.
Anyways, I'll keep it short from here. Eli contacted me soon after, talked about how hard Roisin was crying, I told him I had proof of chat logs, and that I'll apologize if I hurt her feelings, but I wanted an apology, too, because dude, she was vicious. And I've been sick and hormonal in the past- when I lash out, I apologize. So I expected the same of her.
She did, and by mid-June we were 'friends', though I did not comment often on her posts- it was just getting worse, and she did not want to hear what I had to say.
July 2010, and the Comic Con, rolls around. I tried my damnedest to meet Roisin in the hospice she was staying at. I contacted Eli several times- from 6/26 to 7/22 a *dozen* times through IMs alone (thank you Digsby log), and on LJ several more times. Yes, I am stubborn to a fault. I then got the news that he'd be working a booth for the bookstore he worked at. I looked through the booth names, and there was no bookstore booth even *remotely* close to his store's name. In hindsight (yea, I know), I should have called the bookstore asking for a booth number, since he never gave me that. And I would have found out a lot sooner that there was no booth, nor an Eli.
So despite trying very hard to try and visit her, I was blocked from her husband. She asked me on Sunday after I got home if I was still in SD, but she should have known that I was already gone.
She asked me in early August for a drawing. I told her my charge, she mentioned she did not have much money, I'm a stubborn mule and didn't budge. So she said that the charge I ended up with after she gave me her request was "reasonable", but Eli contacted me a few days later that they couldn't afford it and that Roisin's eyesight was almost gone anyways (despite the fact that she had typed to me rather well a few days ago...?) I accepted it and moved on.
Roisin finally kicked the bucket in early September, and yes, I cried. I feel a bit stupid now, crying over someone who didn't exist, but, well, that's life. I'm glad someone isn't dead from cancer. Eli ended up completely spatting at me after I mentioned that it was best that he just step away from the computer and take care of his daughter (who was illegitimate and was born in June, though he had custody due to birth mom being a drug addict), and he went nuts, mentioning how I shouldn't be telling him anything due to my age/immaturity (*coughcough*). The fact that Eli was only a few years older than I didn't seem to matter.
So that hurt me because he was reallllllyyy nasty and passive aggressive, and I told him to leave me alone. We split off. Apparently some nasty things were said about me now, but nothing ever reached my ears, and I was able to move on with my life.
And finally, everything was revealed this weekend.
Did I spend a lot of time with Roisin, online- and even off? Yes. But not as much as others. Was I hurt by Roisin's/Eli's/Hope's actions? Yea, a bit. I cry easily (I'm a noob like that), and they- she- hurt me a bit. I'm not ashamed to admit it, I wear my emotions on my sleeve, as a wise (and utterly awesome) man told me once. However, while I knew her, and was in contact with her and all of her personas, for the longest out of everyone involved, I got off relatively easily. She chose different targets for her hate early, and that ended up with two people leaving the fandom permanently and another lurking for the past two years (and who will hopefully return and I will see more often, now! ... even if she likes the dumb elf more than the awesome Ranger ;) ). I think they were more hurt than I was, completely.
So, in conclusion, considering that I was the longest involved with her, met her in real life, had her on FB, gave her my number in 09 (yea, I hope she lost it, if she didn't and contacts me, I'll welcome her back from the dead and get her phone number blocked, or get a new number if I must, no biggie ^^), I got off a lot lighter than others. There are a lot more in the fandom that had their names dragged through the dirt, and because Eli was dragging so many people by the time he- uh, she- decided that I was Target of the Week, most were not believing the posts anymore.
If anyone did doubt me due to her comments, I don't blame you; I was in the same boat about someone on my F-list. If anyone reading this *does* doubt my sincerity now, after all of this, please do comment, or PM me privately! I bark sometimes, but do not bite, and I will answer any questions to the best of my ability.
Thanks for reading. If you skip parts, or most of it. I really can't blame you, it's bloody long. And I have even more- that was only part of one chat transcript, and I have everything from May to now logged (I would have more, but, new laptop from that time period...)
TY again, and I hope you all have a great week.