FIRST LOVE (첫사랑)
TITLE: First Love (첫사랑)
Author: ailaling1017
Genre: romance, fluff, angst
Warning/s: yaoi, language/cursing
Disclaimer: SME obviously owns them.
Rating: NC-17 for semi-explicit sex
Pairing: KyuMin
Verse: expanded
Type/Status: One-Shot; Complete, 5,400W
Summary: Sungmin had wallowed in uncertainty for far too long.
A/N: Based on the TV show Strong Heart (SJ Special)
~
Sungmin clutched his chest as he panted; leaning on the wall of the cramped wash closet he just walked into, he only managed to snap the door shut behind him before he felt his tears break like a dam.
Kyuhyun had just finished his segment wherein he talked about his first love. Kang Hodong and the others definitely had a good laugh enjoying the rather amusing story, but not Sungmin. He knew he had no right to get hurt, however, that didn’t mean he could keep himself from hurting anyway. He had long since known that Kyuhyun would never be his - the blatant talks about his liking for girls together with the definition of his ideal woman, had done much for Sungmin’s awareness. That didn’t mean that Sungmin didn’t hope though.
What was worse was that he was caught off guard. He thought he knew Kyuhyun like the back of his hand; apparently, he didn’t. He thought they were close - as in ass cheeks tight, no pun intended. He couldn’t help but feel as if he was living a lie, that their friendship was a lie. If it wasn’t, why else wouldn’t he know about that one thing he was supposed to?
As he listened to Kyuhyun’s story about his first love, he felt betrayed - the laughs from the other guests and audience mocked him. Why Kyuhyun didn’t think it was necessary to tell his best friend - he’d like to think that he had that position in Kyuhyun’s life - about something as basic in his life such as his first love was beyond Sungmin.
When Sungmin thought about it, it wasn’t the fact that Kyuhyun had kept a secret from him that bothered him - even twins kept secrets from each other - it was innate in every human to have some sort of self-preservation, after all. What hurt him was that Kyuhyun didn’t think that he was worthy enough to be confided in with this certain piece of information yet it was okay to announce it to the whole of South Korea? Especially if said best friend was so madly deeply in love with him. Sungmin scoffed at the irony of things, tears never ceasing to flow from his eyes, conveying the emotions that had been bottled up within him for so long.
~
“Sungmin hyung?”
Sungmin jolted out of his trance and hastily wiped his tears on the back of his hand. He arranged his face into what he supposed was a bright smile before he opened the door and faced the worried Hyukjae.
“Yes, Hyuk?” he chirped, the quiver in his voice almost unnoticeable had Hyukjae not known him for a very long time.
“A-are you okay, hyung?” Hyukjae asked cautiously - stepping aside to let Sungmin go out into the hallway.
“What are you talking about? I’m fine! Never been better,” Sungmin cajoled, hoping against hope that his eyes weren’t as swollen as he expected.
“Sungmin-hyung… You know you can tell me,” Hyukjae chided, seeing through Sungmin’s façade.
“Really, Hyuk. Honest.” Sungmin drew a cross over his heart, feeling guilty that he was lying but not wanting to bring so much fuss over something as trivial as the matters of the heart.
“Why are your eyes red then?” Hyukjae raised his eyebrows as Sungmin started to lead them back to the set.
“Nah. Just squeezed in some snoozes. I haven’t had that much sleep last night so I was thinking of catching up with the break time,” Sungmin assured, turning his back before Hyukjae could even say a word, and settling himself on his seat as the crew started to roll the camera again.
“3-2-1- ACTION!” Cue: happy Lee Sungmin for the world to see.
~
Sungmin had been tossing and turning on his bed that night, the words Kyuhyun uttered from earlier still echoing through his mind. He pretty much couldn’t remember what happened as they recorded the second half of the show. He could vaguely remember something Kyuhyun said about him coming to their musical MT with four noonas and how he was so close to the ladies. How could Kyuhyun talk so nonchalantly about it? Wasn’t he the least bit jealous? Sungmin huffed as he realized the obvious answer to his query. Of course not. Why would he taunt him about ‘his’ girls if he was jealous? Stupid insensitive Kyuhyun.
Sungmin picked up his extra pillow and buried his face onto it to muffle his scream of frustration, all the while flailing his legs high in the air. It wasn’t like Sungmin asked for this. Never had he thought that he’d come to love the timid yet snarky kid who came into their dorms with their then manager, with his head bowed low, about six years ago.
The attraction wasn’t instantaneous, to say the least. At one point, Sungmin considered following the other members’ actions and just hate on Kyuhyun, but something in him couldn’t do it. In fact, although Sungmin would never use the word hate - it was too strong a word to describe what he felt for Kyuhyun back then, he really disliked Kyuhyun at first - he was somewhat irritated with the maknae. To put it bluntly, Kyuhyun wasn’t Sungmin’s type at all. Heck, he didn’t even know he liked guys then but Kyuhyun’s presence apparently made it seem so.
The confusion Kyuhyun caused Sungmin made the latter exasperated beyond his wits. He deemed it better to ignore the underlying factor for his emotions and settle with simply disliking the younger. It may have been due to the threat Kyuhyun posed, Sungmin wasn’t sure.
Kyuhyun, although not the best dancer, if a dancer at all, had a voice that could melt hearts. Perhaps, it was the melting of Sungmin’s heart that made him want to hate Kyuhyun all the more.
No one made Lee Sungmin weak in the knees - ever, literally and figuratively speaking. It was only normal for Sungmin to defend his ego, his spiteful actions the only thing that gave Sungmin a semblance of control over his stubborn heart.
Sungmin was not dumb and as soon as he realized that what he felt for the younger was starting to develop into something that was beyond platonic, he tried his hardest to distance himself from Kyuhyun. He wanted nothing more than to bury his emotions in oblivion and get on with his life; it seemed less complicated that way anyway. He avoided the younger like the plague, never mind that it broke his heart to see the hurt that flashed on Kyuhyun’s visage whenever he acted coldly. It was all for the best, Sungmin mused. Nevertheless, fate seemed to want to toy with his emotions and decided that it’d be a good form of torture for Sungmin to be assigned to room with Kyuhyun. Yes, it was torture, but it was also good.
Sungmin didn’t know when he started to fall. It may have been sometime between their long talks in their shared bedroom in the off chance that they both had no schedules, or the drunken conversations they had as they both sipped the wine they immensely enjoyed, or the time spent beside each other during long waits in between tapings, or it may have been a combination of all three or nothing at all.
Sungmin didn’t know love, but the day he felt his heart clench in pain at the thought of losing Kyuhyun to that freak car accident, he knew he had already fallen - and hard. Yet, Sungmin, being Sungmin, didn’t have the heart to confess. He didn’t want to compromise their friendship, much less the relationships in the band. It was a painful sacrifice; one Sungmin had been bearing for the past six or so years.
~
He stared at the digital clock on the side table between his bed and Kyuhyun’s, it read 11:35. Sungmin shifted his gaze to the empty bed on the other side of the table. Kyuhyun still wasn’t home despite having no schedule. He’s probably out drinking with his Kyu-line again, the brat.
Sungmin scowled unknowingly, frustrated as to how Kyuhyun seemed to want to spend time with everybody but him. Perhaps, they weren’t best friends after all.
Sungmin turned on his other side grumpily - forcing thoughts of Kyuhyun out of his mind, knowing that he couldn’t rid himself of it even if he wanted to. The brat had rooted himself in the deepest part of his heart and refused to be uprooted - taking up a special place that Sungmin couldn’t ignore. He growled as his mind refused to stop working, he knew it was pointless to worry but he does anyway. If his skin looks bad tomorrow, Kyuhyun is definitely the one to blame.
~
A slam of the door was heard signaling the arrival of the person Sungmin was waiting for. Sungmin immediately shut his eyes as their bedroom door opened and closed simultaneously, only for them to jolt open as a heavy thing landed on top of him. He was too shocked to react, freezing as he thought that a burglar, or worse, a crazy fan girl, had entered the dorm - only to breathe a sigh of relief as said intruder tightened his hold and sighed against his neck, Sungmin catching the whiff of alcohol from the other’s breath.
“Kyuhyun-ah. This is my bed, go transfer to yours.” Sungmin tried to pry Kyuhyun’s hands from his waist - all to no avail.
“Do not want.” Kyuhyun slurred as he hugged Sungmin all the more.
“Aish! This brat. Kyuhyun!” Sungmin turned around to push Kyuhyun off his bed - a string of explicits failing to get out of his mouth as Kyuhyun smashed their lips in a searing kiss. literally knocking the air out of him. Sungmin struggled at first, trying all his might to push Kyuhyun off him but Kyuhyun was persistent. Sungmin knew he was physically stronger than Kyuhyun yet the maknae seemed to be resolute on his decision to overpower his hyung - the alcohol in his veins seemingly doing wonders in providing him with a strength he never had before. It didn’t help that Sungmin was growing weaker and weaker by the second, the sensation of Kyuhyun’s lips against his doing nothing to save his sanity.
Sungmin’s grasp on Kyuhyun’s arms slackened as he started to respond to the kiss, hands going up to Kyuhyun’s neck to deepen the kiss, and finally settling on Kyuhyun’s brown locks as he carded them through his digits.
Sungmin whimpered as he felt Kyuhyun’s fingers edge lower to where his one-piece shirt ended at his thighs. Unable to help the wanton mewl that spilled from his lips as Kyuhyun lifted the fabric to expose pale skin, Sungmin’s mind was going hazy when Kyuhyun started to tease his nipples with the pads of his fingers and knead at his behind. The delicious friction from where Kyuhyun’s clothed erection came in contact with his heated flesh made them both moan, producing obscene sounds, that were only swallowed by each other’s mouths.
Sungmin knew that what they were doing was wrong on so many levels yet he couldn’t bring himself to care; he refused to care. Even just for this one night, he’d allow himself to be selfish. After all, what do you do when the thing you’ve dreamed of and oh-so-desperately wanted was laid out in front of you - available for you to claim without you doing so much as merely reach for it?
Sungmin couldn’t help but let go as he felt Kyuhyun’s kisses gradually become more desperate. He willingly wound his legs around Kyuhyun’s waist when the maknae moved on to assaulting his neck, littering the pale column of skin with love bites. The sting it caused seemingly amplified the ecstasy Sungmin felt.
Kyuhyun was back to claim Sungmin’s lips in no time; the elder succumbing to the younger’s persistence and letting his tongue tangle with that of Kyuhyun’s, tasting the bitter tang of alcohol that lingered therein. He knew there was no turning back when he felt Kyuhyun’s hand leave his chest, only for it to trail south, towards his nether regions. Sungmin whimpered as Kyuhyun touched all the right places but not quite where Sungmin wanted.
Sungmin might’ve argued later on that as he shamelessly thrust his manhood into Kyuhyun’s hand, he was driven by mere lust - never mind that he loved the other man. Yet he knew it was partly… okay, mostly true.
Sungmin was normally a man of patience but the way Kyuhyun refused to give in to what he wanted drove him over the edge. Again, Sungmin was never assertive when it came to voicing out his wants, but this was definitely not something Sungmin could hold in anymore, not when Kyuhyun’s hand started to tease the band of his briefs, the skin underneath his touch exploding in goose pimples.
Sungmin decided to take matters into his own hands as he finally got over the initial shock. He flipped their positions so that he was straddling Kyuhyun’s waist, enjoying the look of utter astonishment on the younger’s face at the turn of events.
Sungmin knew that this was what he wanted for so long. In fact, he’d day-dreamed about this in the past. Said daydream involving scented candles and rose petals, good wine, sweet background music, and whispered sweet nothings as they made love. Nevertheless, reality bites and this reality didn’t allow for any of those. Still, Sungmin was going to get what he could and not even six years of restraint and self-preservation would hinder him.
Sungmin made a quick work of Kyuhyun’s belt, not bothering to push the pants off completely. He got his hand on Kyuhyun’s erection in record time. His strokes were fast and firm - fueled by the passion that was coursing through his veins. Kyuhyun gave an involuntary moan when Sungmin dipped into the slit, his sultry voice doing nothing to help ease the throbbing in Sungmin’s crotch. Sungmin’s caresses became erratic as he felt that he himself was getting worked up with all of this. Kyuhyun, as if he read Sungmin’s mind, sat up on the bed and leaned onto the head board, bringing Sungmin with him and settling into a more comfortable position.
Kyuhyun yanked Sungmin’s underwear down aggressively. Sungmin took the initiative to take two of Kyuhyun’s fingers and wet them with his saliva. Sungmin regretted not having a bottle of lube around at the sting Kyuhyun’s fingers thrusting into his tight hole.
Sungmin bit on Kyuhyun’s shirt over his shoulder, soaking the material with saliva and tears but he couldn’t care less. It was painful, yet Sungmin was intent on making the pain go away. Still, Sungmin was amazed as to how Kyuhyun seemed to be in control despite his drunken state. The younger stopped moving altogether as he realized that Sungmin was hurt. Sungmin could barely hear his cooing from the haziness that the pain caused his brain, even hearing Kyuhyun say a breathy profession of love -something he passed off as a figment of his imagination. The pain soon numbed into a tolerable level and Sungmin unclenched his teeth from where it was biting on Kyuhyun’s shoulder, turning it to the side so that his nose nuzzled Kyuhyun’s cheek.
Kyuhyun took the cue and started to move his digits, folding his knuckles at an angle that had Sungmin pushing back in no time. Sungmin whimpered as Kyuhyun withdrew his fingers, the empty feeling only lasting a moment. He jerked when the head of Kyuhyun’s length started to bridge the resistance of muscle at his entrance. A feeling of fullness Sungmin had never experienced before engulfed him.
Kyuhyun took turns kneading Sungmin’s ass cheeks and caressing his thighs, intent on making the elder relax. He was surprised when Sungmin gave an experimental roll of his hips but took no time in returning the favor.
The pace they set was fast and rough and all kinds of desperate yet no less passionate. Sungmin’s tears soon ceased to flow as Kyuhyun dug deeper into him, exploring unfamiliar territories for the first time. Sungmin was inexperienced in this, the only mildly sexual thing he had done before being making out with his then girlfriend in junior high. Judging by the way Kyuhyun seemed to be unsure as he observed Sungmin’s expressions like a hawk to see whether he was doing the right thing, Sungmin thought that Kyuhyun was just as inexperienced as him.
Sungmin found purchase in the knowledge that Kyuhyun didn’t sleep around yet he knew that he’d still end up crushed by all of this anyhow. He pushed that to the back of his mind in the mean time and allowed himself to believe that Kyuhyun meant the soft words he murmured into Sungmin’s skin - that he genuinely cared whether Sungmin was hurt as he controlled himself from slamming into the elder like he wanted to; that in some way, somehow, Kyuhyun had felt love for him, no matter how small a fraction, even just for tonight.
As Sungmin came undone in Kyuhyun’s hold, he felt as if a part of him fell into place, making him feel complete for unknown reasons. He didn’t know what it was but it just felt right. Seemingly overwhelmed with emotions, he let himself spew the words of love that have long been overdue as Kyuhyun claimed his lips once he tipped over the edge himself, feeling as if they were one as they shivered from their release. They clung to one another, holding onto the passion they shared, not caring about what tomorrow might bring.
~
Sungmin felt the rays of the sun burn through his eyelids and he groaned at the light. He tried to shift onto his other side, determined to continue his sleep when he felt that he couldn’t move; only just registering the heavy weight of someone’s arm draped across his naked torso. The events of the night prior came rushing down on Sungmin and he felt a fresh wave of tears overwhelm him. Not wanting to wake his companion, he gently pried the other’s arm off his waist and made it a point to fix Kyuhyun’s pants and tidy him up. He gave Kyuhyun a swift peck on the forehead before he turned back and silently made his way to the bathroom, wanting nothing more than to wash away the memories he knew he didn’t deserve to have in the first place, hoping that the hurt that came with it went down the drain as well.
~
Kyuhyun awoke with possibly the worst hangover in the history of hangovers. He felt his world spin as he opened his eyes, immediately shutting them to ease the dizziness. He had a high alcohol tolerance but last night was an exception. Kyuhyun knew he shouldn’t have watched the many dramas that prompted him to believe that drinking is the easiest way to forget. Sure, it did numb the pain for the rest of the night but now that the pain has come back on full force and more, Kyuhyun thought that he ought to disown alcohol from now on. This is all Sungmin’s fault. Speaking of Sungmin…
He heard shuffling of feet and was surprised when a tablet was pushed into his mouth, followed by what seemed to be a bottle of water. He gratefully gulped the contents of said bottle, the dehydration finally catching up on him. He pried his eyes open, gently this time so as not to aggravate the lightheadedness he felt. He knew he could’ve spat out the contents of his mouth had he not swallowed the water beforehand at the sight that greeted him: Lee Sungmin kneeling at the side of the bed with his face only a mere inches from Kyuhyun’s. Sungmin had this face splitting smile on his face that Kyuhyun always thought was fake but adorable nonetheless. After all, everything Sungmin was perfect in the eyes of Cho Kyuhyun. But of course, he didn’t need to know that.
Sungmin said something about some schedule and gave Kyuhyun one last pat on the head before stalking out of the room - leaving Kyuhyun frozen as he stared at the reason for his drunkenness in the first place.
~
After that, Sungmin found it easy to avoid Kyuhyun. Sungmin never thought that he’d see the day wherein he’d be thankful for the never ending schedules that they had but apparently, he was now. It was better than having to answer Kyuhyun’s questions - the maknae seemed to be increasingly curious ever since he woke up in Sungmin’s bed. Still, Sungmin thought that it was better this way. At least, Kyuhyun didn’t remember what happened between the two of them. It hurt for him to think that Kyuhyun could easily forget something so intimate that had transpired between them yet he was thankful at the same time for he didn’t know what he would answer lest the younger asked.
Then again, just like any other secret, Sungmin’s was bound to be found, someday, somehow. That somehow came in the form of a crying Kyuhyun - a sight Sungmin was welcomed with as he entered their shared bedroom after he came from recording Sukira. Sungmin found himself encasing the younger in a hug of comfort despite himself; all pretenses of avoidance and whatnot crumbling at the sight of the tears on Kyuhyun’s face. He kneeled beside Kyuhyun on the bed and took the younger’s head to bury it in the crook of his neck, cooing into the brunet’s dark locks as he desperately asked what was wrong.
“Sungmin-hyung. W-Why didn’t you… tell me?” Kyuhyun only managed to finish before a fresh wave of tears overcame him.
“Tell you what, Kyu?” Sungmin continued to rub small circles on Kyuhyun’s back despite his confusion.
“I-I-That night when… I was drunk… and I woke up on your bed…and I asked you so many times why because I keep having these flash backs and I have this huge bite mark on my right shoulder and… and I thought… I thought it was just one of my dreams again but… Oh god… I remember, hyung.” Kyuhyun stuttered as he clung onto Sungmin’s waist desperately, not unlike a child who didn’t want to let go of his favorite blanket.
Sungmin stiffened on the spot as Kyuhyun’s words confirmed what he had been dreading. His gaze shifted to the one-piece dress perched innocently on the side table and saw that it was torn on some parts. His eyes grew as wide as saucers at the sight of what undoubtedly was blood mixed with some whitish substance on the lower portion of the fabric. He pulled away from Kyuhyun in horror, cursing himself for not having cleaned up properly. He almost made it to the door of the bathroom when he was harshly pulled back and pinned to the wall beside the door. Kyuhyun frantically claimed his lips once more, leaving him no room for argument.
Sungmin had already let himself slip once and he wasn’t going tomake the same mistake again. He clamped his mouth shut and forcefully shoved Kyuhyun off him - the force causing the younger to topple and fall to the floor.
“Kyu. I’m sorry. I… Let’s just forget about it, okay?” Sungmin hastily muttered as he stopped himself from scooping the other into his arms, turning in the direction of the door, and going out of their room instead.
“You’re so selfish, hyung.” Kyuhyun’s words made Sungmin halt just as his hand made contact with the door knob.
“What did you say?” Sungmin retorted, his voice low as he controlled the anger that started to well up in his chest.
“I said you’re selfish, hyung,” Kyuhyun spat, gaining confidence as he realized that Sungmin wouldn’t leave now even if he wanted to.
“Take that back.” Sungmin’s grasp on the door handle grew harder as he felt his self-control ebb away.
“Why should I? It’s true. You are selfish, Lee Sungmin,” Kyuhyun sneered, satisfied that he got Sungmin to finally look at him. He strode to where Sungmin was standing, daring the elder to push him away yet again.
“You insolent brat! How dare you tell me that. If there’s someone who’s selfish here, it would be you! You don’t know half of the things I’ve endured for you; I’ve gone through pains you could only imagine, so don’t you dare. You can call me anything but selfish. Especially when I have sacrificed so many things just for you,” Sungmin spat. His words were laced with so much venom that Kyuhyun inwardly cringed, never having seen this side of Sungmin in the many years they spent together.
“Yeah? That’s what’s so difficult about you! You think you’re the only one hurting. You think you’re the only one who had to sacrifice. It’s always Sungmin who is the underdog; ever the martyr, aren’t we? Did you even take into consideration that I might’ve been doing the same thing for you all these years? Did you think it was easy to keep myself from reaching out to grab your hand every time and not give a fuck about what others may say? How I wanted to never let go whenever I had the scarce privilege to do so just because I think that your hand fits perfectly with mine and no one else’s?
“Did you take into account that I may have been as equally jealous, if not more, as you, whenever you got too close to the other members? I bet you didn’t even notice how I disappeared for a couple of hours after you finished that performance when you kissed Heechul-hyung. So for your information, I was in one of the empty dressing rooms that time, hiding the ridiculous puffiness of my eyes for crying so hard after I saw that you had so willingly kissed him.
“God, it hurt so fucking much, Min, knowing that I had no right to be jealous because you were not mine in the first place but knowing that I’d still be anyway. And of course, you of all people would think that what I said on the interview was real. For heaven’s sakes Min, I thought you’d know better than that! Anything that I haven’t told you myself is not likely to be true. You know I’m not the type of person who wants the whole of Korea knowing about by personal affairs. But no. Poor little Sungmin is the only victim here and nobody else is as pitiful as him. And I, Cho Kyuhyun, was and will always be the villain.
“Never mind that said villain had suffered just as much as well. Heck, if you didn’t massage that pesky noona of yours, I wouldn’t even have gone drinking in the first pla-”
Kyuhyun was cut as Sungmin slapped him across the cheek, the blow so forceful he wouldn’t be surprised if he dislocated his jaw.
“So you’re blaming me, huh? I never told you to do things for me. I never asked anything of you. I never… even thought of asking you to for so much as to care for me, because I knew this will happen. Just… Let’s just forget about it, Kyuhyun-ah.” Sungmin made to push Kyuhyun off him again but the younger stood his ground.
“No, Sungmin hyung! I’m tired of you always running away from this - from us. You might think what you’re doing is the right thing to do but you’re wrong! People say you’re strong because you keep everything in but I know better. You’re a coward, hyung. Running away from your feelings isn’t bravery, much less a solution to this problem. Running away from me doesn’t mean I’ll let you go. I… I’ve done enough hiding. Just… Please don’t go, hyung,” Kyuhyun pleaded as he cupped Sungmin’s cheeks and forced the elder to look at him, his heart clenching when Sungmin struggled to get far from him.
Sungmin didn’t stop squirming and continued to shove Kyuhyun off him, surprise evident on his face when Kyuhyun gave a resigned sigh and let him go. Seeing it as an opportunity for escape, he edged to the side of the door and was about to get out when Kyuhyun said something that made him do a double take.
“Did you regret it?” Kyuhyun’s voice was almost inaudible yet Sungmin knew what he meant, that didn’t mean he had to respond though.
“Answer me, god damn it!” Kyuhyun fumed, finally fed up with the silent treatment Sungmin was giving him.
“What do you want me to say, huh? Yes, Kyuhyun-ah. I regret it. I regret having succumbed to my human frailties and allowing myself to give in to my feelings for you. I wish I didn’t stay up late that night to wait for you. I shouldn’t have agreed to become your roommate in the first place. I regret welcoming you into my life. I regret everything I did that had something to do with you! I’m tired of everything. I’m tired of you!” Sungmin exploded, the rage in the elder’s eyes making the hair on the back of Kyuhyun’s neck stand on end but he knew that he wasn’t any better. Kyuhyun was so furious that he hadn’t had the chance to stop himself from throwing a punch, his fist connecting with the hard wood of the door beside Sungmin’s head.
Sungmin had his eyes closed as he braced for the pain of Kyuhyun’s punch that never came. He fluttered his eyes open and turned to the side, slightly vexed as he saw Kyuhyun’s knuckles dripping blood onto the wall.
“Hyung… Please… Don’t regret it because I don’t. Don’t deny something I know we both wanted. I don’t care if you’re tired. I’m gonna fight for the both of us if I have to. Give me a chance… give us a chance.” Kyuhyun broke down into a heap on the floor, taking the pieces of Sungmin’s heart with him.
Sungmin had pretty much decided that he and Kyuhyun would never work just a few moments ago but seeing Kyuhyun so broken, he couldn’t help but crumble himself, knowing that he couldn’t really hate the maknae even if he wanted to.
He gently gathered Kyuhyun’s hand in his and wiped the blood off on his shirt. Kyuhyun simply stared as Sungmin brought his still clenched fists up to his lips and planted soft kisses along his fingers, murmuring words of apology all the while.
As Sungmin continued to caress Kyuhyun’s hand with his lips, Kyuhyun knew he’d be lying if he said that the pain in his heart dissipated just like that. Still, he admitted that he felt as if a huge part of his sorrow was unloaded by Sungmin’s swift kisses. Kyuhyun thought that it was alright that things weren’t resolved because he knew that they eventually would. Time would heal the wounds that they’ve inflicted upon each other and their love would surely make up for whatever discrepancies there may be. They weren’t a perfect people, much less perfect lovers, but Kyuhyun thought - no, he knew - that they’d manage to get through everything with love on their side.
With that thought, Kyuhyun closed the space between them and let his lips speak in an entirely different manner, hoping that Sungmin understood what he wanted to convey with gentle nibbles along the elder’s mouth.
It was so different yet so similar from that first kiss they shared that fateful night. Different in the way that it lacked the desperation and fervor they seemed to have as they got caught up in their emotions before, yet so similar in terms of the passion that they poured into the kiss - the love ever present as they let themselves succumb to the dance of love.
“I love you so, so much, Min. You were my first love, and you still are.”
“And I love you too, Kyu.”
~END~
P.S. HAPPY SINGLE AWARENESS DAY (S.A.D.) EVERYONE! \o/
P.S.S. Thanks to the awesome princess_jadedfor the beta!<3
P.S.S.S. Belated Happy Birthday Tyra! damnbunny123 ~ Sorry it took so long but it's finally here!
P.S.S.S.S. Comments, suggestions, violent reactions?D;
Author: ailaling1017
Genre: romance, fluff, angst
Warning/s: yaoi, language/cursing
Disclaimer: SME obviously owns them.
Rating: NC-17 for semi-explicit sex
Pairing: KyuMin
Verse: expanded
Type/Status: One-Shot; Complete, 5,400W
Summary: Sungmin had wallowed in uncertainty for far too long.
A/N: Based on the TV show Strong Heart (SJ Special)
~
Sungmin clutched his chest as he panted; leaning on the wall of the cramped wash closet he just walked into, he only managed to snap the door shut behind him before he felt his tears break like a dam.
Kyuhyun had just finished his segment wherein he talked about his first love. Kang Hodong and the others definitely had a good laugh enjoying the rather amusing story, but not Sungmin. He knew he had no right to get hurt, however, that didn’t mean he could keep himself from hurting anyway. He had long since known that Kyuhyun would never be his - the blatant talks about his liking for girls together with the definition of his ideal woman, had done much for Sungmin’s awareness. That didn’t mean that Sungmin didn’t hope though.
What was worse was that he was caught off guard. He thought he knew Kyuhyun like the back of his hand; apparently, he didn’t. He thought they were close - as in ass cheeks tight, no pun intended. He couldn’t help but feel as if he was living a lie, that their friendship was a lie. If it wasn’t, why else wouldn’t he know about that one thing he was supposed to?
As he listened to Kyuhyun’s story about his first love, he felt betrayed - the laughs from the other guests and audience mocked him. Why Kyuhyun didn’t think it was necessary to tell his best friend - he’d like to think that he had that position in Kyuhyun’s life - about something as basic in his life such as his first love was beyond Sungmin.
When Sungmin thought about it, it wasn’t the fact that Kyuhyun had kept a secret from him that bothered him - even twins kept secrets from each other - it was innate in every human to have some sort of self-preservation, after all. What hurt him was that Kyuhyun didn’t think that he was worthy enough to be confided in with this certain piece of information yet it was okay to announce it to the whole of South Korea? Especially if said best friend was so madly deeply in love with him. Sungmin scoffed at the irony of things, tears never ceasing to flow from his eyes, conveying the emotions that had been bottled up within him for so long.
~
“Sungmin hyung?”
Sungmin jolted out of his trance and hastily wiped his tears on the back of his hand. He arranged his face into what he supposed was a bright smile before he opened the door and faced the worried Hyukjae.
“Yes, Hyuk?” he chirped, the quiver in his voice almost unnoticeable had Hyukjae not known him for a very long time.
“A-are you okay, hyung?” Hyukjae asked cautiously - stepping aside to let Sungmin go out into the hallway.
“What are you talking about? I’m fine! Never been better,” Sungmin cajoled, hoping against hope that his eyes weren’t as swollen as he expected.
“Sungmin-hyung… You know you can tell me,” Hyukjae chided, seeing through Sungmin’s façade.
“Really, Hyuk. Honest.” Sungmin drew a cross over his heart, feeling guilty that he was lying but not wanting to bring so much fuss over something as trivial as the matters of the heart.
“Why are your eyes red then?” Hyukjae raised his eyebrows as Sungmin started to lead them back to the set.
“Nah. Just squeezed in some snoozes. I haven’t had that much sleep last night so I was thinking of catching up with the break time,” Sungmin assured, turning his back before Hyukjae could even say a word, and settling himself on his seat as the crew started to roll the camera again.
“3-2-1- ACTION!” Cue: happy Lee Sungmin for the world to see.
~
Sungmin had been tossing and turning on his bed that night, the words Kyuhyun uttered from earlier still echoing through his mind. He pretty much couldn’t remember what happened as they recorded the second half of the show. He could vaguely remember something Kyuhyun said about him coming to their musical MT with four noonas and how he was so close to the ladies. How could Kyuhyun talk so nonchalantly about it? Wasn’t he the least bit jealous? Sungmin huffed as he realized the obvious answer to his query. Of course not. Why would he taunt him about ‘his’ girls if he was jealous? Stupid insensitive Kyuhyun.
Sungmin picked up his extra pillow and buried his face onto it to muffle his scream of frustration, all the while flailing his legs high in the air. It wasn’t like Sungmin asked for this. Never had he thought that he’d come to love the timid yet snarky kid who came into their dorms with their then manager, with his head bowed low, about six years ago.
The attraction wasn’t instantaneous, to say the least. At one point, Sungmin considered following the other members’ actions and just hate on Kyuhyun, but something in him couldn’t do it. In fact, although Sungmin would never use the word hate - it was too strong a word to describe what he felt for Kyuhyun back then, he really disliked Kyuhyun at first - he was somewhat irritated with the maknae. To put it bluntly, Kyuhyun wasn’t Sungmin’s type at all. Heck, he didn’t even know he liked guys then but Kyuhyun’s presence apparently made it seem so.
The confusion Kyuhyun caused Sungmin made the latter exasperated beyond his wits. He deemed it better to ignore the underlying factor for his emotions and settle with simply disliking the younger. It may have been due to the threat Kyuhyun posed, Sungmin wasn’t sure.
Kyuhyun, although not the best dancer, if a dancer at all, had a voice that could melt hearts. Perhaps, it was the melting of Sungmin’s heart that made him want to hate Kyuhyun all the more.
No one made Lee Sungmin weak in the knees - ever, literally and figuratively speaking. It was only normal for Sungmin to defend his ego, his spiteful actions the only thing that gave Sungmin a semblance of control over his stubborn heart.
Sungmin was not dumb and as soon as he realized that what he felt for the younger was starting to develop into something that was beyond platonic, he tried his hardest to distance himself from Kyuhyun. He wanted nothing more than to bury his emotions in oblivion and get on with his life; it seemed less complicated that way anyway. He avoided the younger like the plague, never mind that it broke his heart to see the hurt that flashed on Kyuhyun’s visage whenever he acted coldly. It was all for the best, Sungmin mused. Nevertheless, fate seemed to want to toy with his emotions and decided that it’d be a good form of torture for Sungmin to be assigned to room with Kyuhyun. Yes, it was torture, but it was also good.
Sungmin didn’t know when he started to fall. It may have been sometime between their long talks in their shared bedroom in the off chance that they both had no schedules, or the drunken conversations they had as they both sipped the wine they immensely enjoyed, or the time spent beside each other during long waits in between tapings, or it may have been a combination of all three or nothing at all.
Sungmin didn’t know love, but the day he felt his heart clench in pain at the thought of losing Kyuhyun to that freak car accident, he knew he had already fallen - and hard. Yet, Sungmin, being Sungmin, didn’t have the heart to confess. He didn’t want to compromise their friendship, much less the relationships in the band. It was a painful sacrifice; one Sungmin had been bearing for the past six or so years.
~
He stared at the digital clock on the side table between his bed and Kyuhyun’s, it read 11:35. Sungmin shifted his gaze to the empty bed on the other side of the table. Kyuhyun still wasn’t home despite having no schedule. He’s probably out drinking with his Kyu-line again, the brat.
Sungmin scowled unknowingly, frustrated as to how Kyuhyun seemed to want to spend time with everybody but him. Perhaps, they weren’t best friends after all.
Sungmin turned on his other side grumpily - forcing thoughts of Kyuhyun out of his mind, knowing that he couldn’t rid himself of it even if he wanted to. The brat had rooted himself in the deepest part of his heart and refused to be uprooted - taking up a special place that Sungmin couldn’t ignore. He growled as his mind refused to stop working, he knew it was pointless to worry but he does anyway. If his skin looks bad tomorrow, Kyuhyun is definitely the one to blame.
~
A slam of the door was heard signaling the arrival of the person Sungmin was waiting for. Sungmin immediately shut his eyes as their bedroom door opened and closed simultaneously, only for them to jolt open as a heavy thing landed on top of him. He was too shocked to react, freezing as he thought that a burglar, or worse, a crazy fan girl, had entered the dorm - only to breathe a sigh of relief as said intruder tightened his hold and sighed against his neck, Sungmin catching the whiff of alcohol from the other’s breath.
“Kyuhyun-ah. This is my bed, go transfer to yours.” Sungmin tried to pry Kyuhyun’s hands from his waist - all to no avail.
“Do not want.” Kyuhyun slurred as he hugged Sungmin all the more.
“Aish! This brat. Kyuhyun!” Sungmin turned around to push Kyuhyun off his bed - a string of explicits failing to get out of his mouth as Kyuhyun smashed their lips in a searing kiss. literally knocking the air out of him. Sungmin struggled at first, trying all his might to push Kyuhyun off him but Kyuhyun was persistent. Sungmin knew he was physically stronger than Kyuhyun yet the maknae seemed to be resolute on his decision to overpower his hyung - the alcohol in his veins seemingly doing wonders in providing him with a strength he never had before. It didn’t help that Sungmin was growing weaker and weaker by the second, the sensation of Kyuhyun’s lips against his doing nothing to save his sanity.
Sungmin’s grasp on Kyuhyun’s arms slackened as he started to respond to the kiss, hands going up to Kyuhyun’s neck to deepen the kiss, and finally settling on Kyuhyun’s brown locks as he carded them through his digits.
Sungmin whimpered as he felt Kyuhyun’s fingers edge lower to where his one-piece shirt ended at his thighs. Unable to help the wanton mewl that spilled from his lips as Kyuhyun lifted the fabric to expose pale skin, Sungmin’s mind was going hazy when Kyuhyun started to tease his nipples with the pads of his fingers and knead at his behind. The delicious friction from where Kyuhyun’s clothed erection came in contact with his heated flesh made them both moan, producing obscene sounds, that were only swallowed by each other’s mouths.
Sungmin knew that what they were doing was wrong on so many levels yet he couldn’t bring himself to care; he refused to care. Even just for this one night, he’d allow himself to be selfish. After all, what do you do when the thing you’ve dreamed of and oh-so-desperately wanted was laid out in front of you - available for you to claim without you doing so much as merely reach for it?
Sungmin couldn’t help but let go as he felt Kyuhyun’s kisses gradually become more desperate. He willingly wound his legs around Kyuhyun’s waist when the maknae moved on to assaulting his neck, littering the pale column of skin with love bites. The sting it caused seemingly amplified the ecstasy Sungmin felt.
Kyuhyun was back to claim Sungmin’s lips in no time; the elder succumbing to the younger’s persistence and letting his tongue tangle with that of Kyuhyun’s, tasting the bitter tang of alcohol that lingered therein. He knew there was no turning back when he felt Kyuhyun’s hand leave his chest, only for it to trail south, towards his nether regions. Sungmin whimpered as Kyuhyun touched all the right places but not quite where Sungmin wanted.
Sungmin might’ve argued later on that as he shamelessly thrust his manhood into Kyuhyun’s hand, he was driven by mere lust - never mind that he loved the other man. Yet he knew it was partly… okay, mostly true.
Sungmin was normally a man of patience but the way Kyuhyun refused to give in to what he wanted drove him over the edge. Again, Sungmin was never assertive when it came to voicing out his wants, but this was definitely not something Sungmin could hold in anymore, not when Kyuhyun’s hand started to tease the band of his briefs, the skin underneath his touch exploding in goose pimples.
Sungmin decided to take matters into his own hands as he finally got over the initial shock. He flipped their positions so that he was straddling Kyuhyun’s waist, enjoying the look of utter astonishment on the younger’s face at the turn of events.
Sungmin knew that this was what he wanted for so long. In fact, he’d day-dreamed about this in the past. Said daydream involving scented candles and rose petals, good wine, sweet background music, and whispered sweet nothings as they made love. Nevertheless, reality bites and this reality didn’t allow for any of those. Still, Sungmin was going to get what he could and not even six years of restraint and self-preservation would hinder him.
Sungmin made a quick work of Kyuhyun’s belt, not bothering to push the pants off completely. He got his hand on Kyuhyun’s erection in record time. His strokes were fast and firm - fueled by the passion that was coursing through his veins. Kyuhyun gave an involuntary moan when Sungmin dipped into the slit, his sultry voice doing nothing to help ease the throbbing in Sungmin’s crotch. Sungmin’s caresses became erratic as he felt that he himself was getting worked up with all of this. Kyuhyun, as if he read Sungmin’s mind, sat up on the bed and leaned onto the head board, bringing Sungmin with him and settling into a more comfortable position.
Kyuhyun yanked Sungmin’s underwear down aggressively. Sungmin took the initiative to take two of Kyuhyun’s fingers and wet them with his saliva. Sungmin regretted not having a bottle of lube around at the sting Kyuhyun’s fingers thrusting into his tight hole.
Sungmin bit on Kyuhyun’s shirt over his shoulder, soaking the material with saliva and tears but he couldn’t care less. It was painful, yet Sungmin was intent on making the pain go away. Still, Sungmin was amazed as to how Kyuhyun seemed to be in control despite his drunken state. The younger stopped moving altogether as he realized that Sungmin was hurt. Sungmin could barely hear his cooing from the haziness that the pain caused his brain, even hearing Kyuhyun say a breathy profession of love -something he passed off as a figment of his imagination. The pain soon numbed into a tolerable level and Sungmin unclenched his teeth from where it was biting on Kyuhyun’s shoulder, turning it to the side so that his nose nuzzled Kyuhyun’s cheek.
Kyuhyun took the cue and started to move his digits, folding his knuckles at an angle that had Sungmin pushing back in no time. Sungmin whimpered as Kyuhyun withdrew his fingers, the empty feeling only lasting a moment. He jerked when the head of Kyuhyun’s length started to bridge the resistance of muscle at his entrance. A feeling of fullness Sungmin had never experienced before engulfed him.
Kyuhyun took turns kneading Sungmin’s ass cheeks and caressing his thighs, intent on making the elder relax. He was surprised when Sungmin gave an experimental roll of his hips but took no time in returning the favor.
The pace they set was fast and rough and all kinds of desperate yet no less passionate. Sungmin’s tears soon ceased to flow as Kyuhyun dug deeper into him, exploring unfamiliar territories for the first time. Sungmin was inexperienced in this, the only mildly sexual thing he had done before being making out with his then girlfriend in junior high. Judging by the way Kyuhyun seemed to be unsure as he observed Sungmin’s expressions like a hawk to see whether he was doing the right thing, Sungmin thought that Kyuhyun was just as inexperienced as him.
Sungmin found purchase in the knowledge that Kyuhyun didn’t sleep around yet he knew that he’d still end up crushed by all of this anyhow. He pushed that to the back of his mind in the mean time and allowed himself to believe that Kyuhyun meant the soft words he murmured into Sungmin’s skin - that he genuinely cared whether Sungmin was hurt as he controlled himself from slamming into the elder like he wanted to; that in some way, somehow, Kyuhyun had felt love for him, no matter how small a fraction, even just for tonight.
As Sungmin came undone in Kyuhyun’s hold, he felt as if a part of him fell into place, making him feel complete for unknown reasons. He didn’t know what it was but it just felt right. Seemingly overwhelmed with emotions, he let himself spew the words of love that have long been overdue as Kyuhyun claimed his lips once he tipped over the edge himself, feeling as if they were one as they shivered from their release. They clung to one another, holding onto the passion they shared, not caring about what tomorrow might bring.
~
Sungmin felt the rays of the sun burn through his eyelids and he groaned at the light. He tried to shift onto his other side, determined to continue his sleep when he felt that he couldn’t move; only just registering the heavy weight of someone’s arm draped across his naked torso. The events of the night prior came rushing down on Sungmin and he felt a fresh wave of tears overwhelm him. Not wanting to wake his companion, he gently pried the other’s arm off his waist and made it a point to fix Kyuhyun’s pants and tidy him up. He gave Kyuhyun a swift peck on the forehead before he turned back and silently made his way to the bathroom, wanting nothing more than to wash away the memories he knew he didn’t deserve to have in the first place, hoping that the hurt that came with it went down the drain as well.
~
Kyuhyun awoke with possibly the worst hangover in the history of hangovers. He felt his world spin as he opened his eyes, immediately shutting them to ease the dizziness. He had a high alcohol tolerance but last night was an exception. Kyuhyun knew he shouldn’t have watched the many dramas that prompted him to believe that drinking is the easiest way to forget. Sure, it did numb the pain for the rest of the night but now that the pain has come back on full force and more, Kyuhyun thought that he ought to disown alcohol from now on. This is all Sungmin’s fault. Speaking of Sungmin…
He heard shuffling of feet and was surprised when a tablet was pushed into his mouth, followed by what seemed to be a bottle of water. He gratefully gulped the contents of said bottle, the dehydration finally catching up on him. He pried his eyes open, gently this time so as not to aggravate the lightheadedness he felt. He knew he could’ve spat out the contents of his mouth had he not swallowed the water beforehand at the sight that greeted him: Lee Sungmin kneeling at the side of the bed with his face only a mere inches from Kyuhyun’s. Sungmin had this face splitting smile on his face that Kyuhyun always thought was fake but adorable nonetheless. After all, everything Sungmin was perfect in the eyes of Cho Kyuhyun. But of course, he didn’t need to know that.
Sungmin said something about some schedule and gave Kyuhyun one last pat on the head before stalking out of the room - leaving Kyuhyun frozen as he stared at the reason for his drunkenness in the first place.
~
After that, Sungmin found it easy to avoid Kyuhyun. Sungmin never thought that he’d see the day wherein he’d be thankful for the never ending schedules that they had but apparently, he was now. It was better than having to answer Kyuhyun’s questions - the maknae seemed to be increasingly curious ever since he woke up in Sungmin’s bed. Still, Sungmin thought that it was better this way. At least, Kyuhyun didn’t remember what happened between the two of them. It hurt for him to think that Kyuhyun could easily forget something so intimate that had transpired between them yet he was thankful at the same time for he didn’t know what he would answer lest the younger asked.
Then again, just like any other secret, Sungmin’s was bound to be found, someday, somehow. That somehow came in the form of a crying Kyuhyun - a sight Sungmin was welcomed with as he entered their shared bedroom after he came from recording Sukira. Sungmin found himself encasing the younger in a hug of comfort despite himself; all pretenses of avoidance and whatnot crumbling at the sight of the tears on Kyuhyun’s face. He kneeled beside Kyuhyun on the bed and took the younger’s head to bury it in the crook of his neck, cooing into the brunet’s dark locks as he desperately asked what was wrong.
“Sungmin-hyung. W-Why didn’t you… tell me?” Kyuhyun only managed to finish before a fresh wave of tears overcame him.
“Tell you what, Kyu?” Sungmin continued to rub small circles on Kyuhyun’s back despite his confusion.
“I-I-That night when… I was drunk… and I woke up on your bed…and I asked you so many times why because I keep having these flash backs and I have this huge bite mark on my right shoulder and… and I thought… I thought it was just one of my dreams again but… Oh god… I remember, hyung.” Kyuhyun stuttered as he clung onto Sungmin’s waist desperately, not unlike a child who didn’t want to let go of his favorite blanket.
Sungmin stiffened on the spot as Kyuhyun’s words confirmed what he had been dreading. His gaze shifted to the one-piece dress perched innocently on the side table and saw that it was torn on some parts. His eyes grew as wide as saucers at the sight of what undoubtedly was blood mixed with some whitish substance on the lower portion of the fabric. He pulled away from Kyuhyun in horror, cursing himself for not having cleaned up properly. He almost made it to the door of the bathroom when he was harshly pulled back and pinned to the wall beside the door. Kyuhyun frantically claimed his lips once more, leaving him no room for argument.
Sungmin had already let himself slip once and he wasn’t going tomake the same mistake again. He clamped his mouth shut and forcefully shoved Kyuhyun off him - the force causing the younger to topple and fall to the floor.
“Kyu. I’m sorry. I… Let’s just forget about it, okay?” Sungmin hastily muttered as he stopped himself from scooping the other into his arms, turning in the direction of the door, and going out of their room instead.
“You’re so selfish, hyung.” Kyuhyun’s words made Sungmin halt just as his hand made contact with the door knob.
“What did you say?” Sungmin retorted, his voice low as he controlled the anger that started to well up in his chest.
“I said you’re selfish, hyung,” Kyuhyun spat, gaining confidence as he realized that Sungmin wouldn’t leave now even if he wanted to.
“Take that back.” Sungmin’s grasp on the door handle grew harder as he felt his self-control ebb away.
“Why should I? It’s true. You are selfish, Lee Sungmin,” Kyuhyun sneered, satisfied that he got Sungmin to finally look at him. He strode to where Sungmin was standing, daring the elder to push him away yet again.
“You insolent brat! How dare you tell me that. If there’s someone who’s selfish here, it would be you! You don’t know half of the things I’ve endured for you; I’ve gone through pains you could only imagine, so don’t you dare. You can call me anything but selfish. Especially when I have sacrificed so many things just for you,” Sungmin spat. His words were laced with so much venom that Kyuhyun inwardly cringed, never having seen this side of Sungmin in the many years they spent together.
“Yeah? That’s what’s so difficult about you! You think you’re the only one hurting. You think you’re the only one who had to sacrifice. It’s always Sungmin who is the underdog; ever the martyr, aren’t we? Did you even take into consideration that I might’ve been doing the same thing for you all these years? Did you think it was easy to keep myself from reaching out to grab your hand every time and not give a fuck about what others may say? How I wanted to never let go whenever I had the scarce privilege to do so just because I think that your hand fits perfectly with mine and no one else’s?
“Did you take into account that I may have been as equally jealous, if not more, as you, whenever you got too close to the other members? I bet you didn’t even notice how I disappeared for a couple of hours after you finished that performance when you kissed Heechul-hyung. So for your information, I was in one of the empty dressing rooms that time, hiding the ridiculous puffiness of my eyes for crying so hard after I saw that you had so willingly kissed him.
“God, it hurt so fucking much, Min, knowing that I had no right to be jealous because you were not mine in the first place but knowing that I’d still be anyway. And of course, you of all people would think that what I said on the interview was real. For heaven’s sakes Min, I thought you’d know better than that! Anything that I haven’t told you myself is not likely to be true. You know I’m not the type of person who wants the whole of Korea knowing about by personal affairs. But no. Poor little Sungmin is the only victim here and nobody else is as pitiful as him. And I, Cho Kyuhyun, was and will always be the villain.
“Never mind that said villain had suffered just as much as well. Heck, if you didn’t massage that pesky noona of yours, I wouldn’t even have gone drinking in the first pla-”
Kyuhyun was cut as Sungmin slapped him across the cheek, the blow so forceful he wouldn’t be surprised if he dislocated his jaw.
“So you’re blaming me, huh? I never told you to do things for me. I never asked anything of you. I never… even thought of asking you to for so much as to care for me, because I knew this will happen. Just… Let’s just forget about it, Kyuhyun-ah.” Sungmin made to push Kyuhyun off him again but the younger stood his ground.
“No, Sungmin hyung! I’m tired of you always running away from this - from us. You might think what you’re doing is the right thing to do but you’re wrong! People say you’re strong because you keep everything in but I know better. You’re a coward, hyung. Running away from your feelings isn’t bravery, much less a solution to this problem. Running away from me doesn’t mean I’ll let you go. I… I’ve done enough hiding. Just… Please don’t go, hyung,” Kyuhyun pleaded as he cupped Sungmin’s cheeks and forced the elder to look at him, his heart clenching when Sungmin struggled to get far from him.
Sungmin didn’t stop squirming and continued to shove Kyuhyun off him, surprise evident on his face when Kyuhyun gave a resigned sigh and let him go. Seeing it as an opportunity for escape, he edged to the side of the door and was about to get out when Kyuhyun said something that made him do a double take.
“Did you regret it?” Kyuhyun’s voice was almost inaudible yet Sungmin knew what he meant, that didn’t mean he had to respond though.
“Answer me, god damn it!” Kyuhyun fumed, finally fed up with the silent treatment Sungmin was giving him.
“What do you want me to say, huh? Yes, Kyuhyun-ah. I regret it. I regret having succumbed to my human frailties and allowing myself to give in to my feelings for you. I wish I didn’t stay up late that night to wait for you. I shouldn’t have agreed to become your roommate in the first place. I regret welcoming you into my life. I regret everything I did that had something to do with you! I’m tired of everything. I’m tired of you!” Sungmin exploded, the rage in the elder’s eyes making the hair on the back of Kyuhyun’s neck stand on end but he knew that he wasn’t any better. Kyuhyun was so furious that he hadn’t had the chance to stop himself from throwing a punch, his fist connecting with the hard wood of the door beside Sungmin’s head.
Sungmin had his eyes closed as he braced for the pain of Kyuhyun’s punch that never came. He fluttered his eyes open and turned to the side, slightly vexed as he saw Kyuhyun’s knuckles dripping blood onto the wall.
“Hyung… Please… Don’t regret it because I don’t. Don’t deny something I know we both wanted. I don’t care if you’re tired. I’m gonna fight for the both of us if I have to. Give me a chance… give us a chance.” Kyuhyun broke down into a heap on the floor, taking the pieces of Sungmin’s heart with him.
Sungmin had pretty much decided that he and Kyuhyun would never work just a few moments ago but seeing Kyuhyun so broken, he couldn’t help but crumble himself, knowing that he couldn’t really hate the maknae even if he wanted to.
He gently gathered Kyuhyun’s hand in his and wiped the blood off on his shirt. Kyuhyun simply stared as Sungmin brought his still clenched fists up to his lips and planted soft kisses along his fingers, murmuring words of apology all the while.
As Sungmin continued to caress Kyuhyun’s hand with his lips, Kyuhyun knew he’d be lying if he said that the pain in his heart dissipated just like that. Still, he admitted that he felt as if a huge part of his sorrow was unloaded by Sungmin’s swift kisses. Kyuhyun thought that it was alright that things weren’t resolved because he knew that they eventually would. Time would heal the wounds that they’ve inflicted upon each other and their love would surely make up for whatever discrepancies there may be. They weren’t a perfect people, much less perfect lovers, but Kyuhyun thought - no, he knew - that they’d manage to get through everything with love on their side.
With that thought, Kyuhyun closed the space between them and let his lips speak in an entirely different manner, hoping that Sungmin understood what he wanted to convey with gentle nibbles along the elder’s mouth.
It was so different yet so similar from that first kiss they shared that fateful night. Different in the way that it lacked the desperation and fervor they seemed to have as they got caught up in their emotions before, yet so similar in terms of the passion that they poured into the kiss - the love ever present as they let themselves succumb to the dance of love.
“I love you so, so much, Min. You were my first love, and you still are.”
“And I love you too, Kyu.”
~END~
P.S. HAPPY SINGLE AWARENESS DAY (S.A.D.) EVERYONE! \o/
P.S.S. Thanks to the awesome princess_jadedfor the beta!<3
P.S.S.S. Belated Happy Birthday Tyra! damnbunny123 ~ Sorry it took so long but it's finally here!
P.S.S.S.S. Comments, suggestions, violent reactions?D;