[fic] All or Nothing - Yugioh, YYxY, angst/romance, PG-15, theme 14
Title: All or Nothing
Author: Chey (duelist_gurl163)
Theme: 14 - “Never say sorry for what you meant to do.” for 50_lovequotes
Rating: PG-15
Genre: angst/romance
Parings: YamixYugi, mentioned YugixRebecca
Archive: You're lookin' at it
Warnings: Post-series Yami has a solid body with no explanation
Spoilers: None
Summary: If he truly loved Yugi, he'd have to risk losing the chance he'd waited nine years for.
Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh.
This is the sequel to For Better or Worse. MAKE SURE you read that first so that this one makes sense!
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They sat in silence, side-by-side on the bench. Yami could still feel the heat of Yugi’s mouth against his, even though a good twenty minutes must have passed since the kiss. Several times he thought of speaking, and changed his mind, unable to think of anything helpful to say.
Finally Yugi broke the silence for him. “What are we going to do?”
Yami sighed. He wanted to give Yugi an answer, but he didn’t have one. There were only a few options, and all of them meant that somebody would be hurt in the end.
His sigh, such an oddly soft and sad noise, caught Yugi’s attention and he looked over at Yami, his heart thumping as for the first time in nine years he looked at Yami with the eyes of someone that saw him as more than a friend. Yami hadn’t changed very much…his face looked a little older, but otherwise…he was the same person he’d always been. The kiss, the eyes, the breath, the arms…they were all the same. He couldn’t help wondering if he still looked and felt the same to Yami.
Yugi moved closer, fingers grasping Yami’s. But it wasn’t until his other hand settled on Yami’s leg that Yami looked over at him.
His eyes were different…there was a weary sadness that Yugi was certain he’d never seen in him before. He leaned in, peering up at him. “Yami…”
“Yugi?”
An unquenchable longing had awakened in him at the first touch of Yami’s lips, and the sound of his name, spoken so softly, was too much to resist. Without thought he moved in and nuzzled Yami’s neck, hugging him and sniffing in his warm scent as Yami hugged him back. He told himself he only wanted Yami to hold him, to take away some of the stress while he thought about what to do, but the longer he lay against his chest and drank in Yami’s very existence, the more he realized that cuddles weren’t going to be enough right now.
His lips parted, caressing Yami’s pale, salty skin with his tongue. Yami’s body grew rigid, but Yugi didn’t register Yami’s odd reaction, nor did he think of the fact that anybody could see them, too busy kissing his throat and sucking at his jugular; too deep in his need to reacquaint himself with Yami, to feel and taste and reclaim him. Any hope of thinking clearly was gone; his mind was simply a fog of craving and ache for the years they had lost. Yami moaned but didn’t relax, his body remaining tense, even though he did lean his head back as Yugi moved up his neck, nearer to his ear.
But as Yugi kissed him at last, parting his lips, he felt Yami shake his head and then felt Yami’s hands move, pushing against his chest in a feeble attempt to push him away. He managed to mumble,
“Yugi, stop…”
“Why?” Yugi whispered, kissing him again, harder and more desperately, his hands under Yami’s shirt, stroking his spine, moving lower with each caress…
Yami seemed to surrender for an instant, kissing him back, then shook himself harder and pushed again, this time hard enough to shove them a few feet apart on the bench, panting as he raised his voice, almost in tears. “Yugi, I said stop!”
Yugi looked up at him in confusion. “I…”
“We can’t do this, Yugi…things can’t be this way.”
“Yami? What are you…?”
“Are you going to end the engagement with her?” He demanded.
Startled by his tone, Yugi looked back at him, wide-eyed and stuttering nervously, “I…I don’t know, Yami. I don't know what I'm going to do. That’s why…” He reached out for him, voice beseeching. “I need you…I was about to make a terrible mistake by marrying her and then…this, today…now I know I was wrong, but I’m still sad that I’ll have to hurt her. But if you’re here…if you comfort me, remind me of everything I’ve been missing for so long…then I know ending the engagement will be the right thing-”
Avoiding his hands, Yami got to his feet and stepped back. “No.”
“Yami?”
“You are not…going to use me…as an excuse to justify ending the engagement.”
Yugi recoiled, shocked and hurt. “You were the one that told me not to go through with it!” He yelled, rising to his feet in tears. “You told me not to marry her if she wouldn’t be my ‘enough!’ And now you’re accusing me…of using you as an excuse? I love you! I thought you loved me? I thought you wanted me to be with you and not with her!”
“I do love you!” Yami cried, his arms wrapped around himself and eyes shut as he choked. “And it is killing me, Yugi…it is killing me to stand here and to say this and to make myself walk away, but we can’t do this! Things cannot…be like this!”
Yugi’s argument died in his throat at the sight of Yami’s body so obviously gripped in pain.
“I don’t think you should marry her if you don’t love her, but that is the reason you should be looking at. If you end the engagement, that is the reason you should! Kissing me…telling me that you love me…that’s not a good enough reason to end something so important. You’re talking about hurting Rebecca, a friend, all because of what happened here today between us. You're letting your emotions control you. That isn't right, and it isn't you. If you make a rash choice based on your emotions at one moment, one day you’ll look back and you’ll realize it was a mistake and you'll regret it.”
Yugi felt his anger slide away at the look in Yami’s eyes. He couldn’t find it in himself to be angry…not when he had never seen Yami look so broken. “Yami…no…I just…after all this time, I needed…I just need you right now.” He whispered, voice pleading. “I will break up with her, and then we can be together and everything will be fine-”
Yami shook his head, staring at Yugi with despair. “No! I don't want a promise from you that you'll break up with her! I want you to do what you feel is right! I can tell that there's a part of you that isn't sure about breaking the engagement, and you can't ignore that part, you have to listen to it, too!" He stopped, growing quiet. "You need...to make a choice. Take time and decide what’s really going to make you happy. If I stay here…I will influence your choice. Look at us...the feelings there are too strong, and if I'm here at all, you won't be true to yourself. I don’t want that, so I will…take myself out of the picture.”
Silence followed as Yugi seemed to be struggling with something inside.
“Does it have to be all or nothing?” He finally whispered through tears. “Right now?”
Yami looked up, his eyes tinted with sorrow. “Yes, Yugi…right now, it does.”
Yugi bit his lip, unable to respond.
Yami turned away. “Whatever you decide will be okay with me, I will still be here...supporting you either way. So please…leave my feelings out of the decision-making.”
“Yami…I’m sorry.”
He looked back. “What for?”
“For this…for today…for putting you through this.”
“Why? Was today an accident? Was that kiss an accident?”
Yugi shook his head. “No, it wasn’t.”
“Then don’t be sorry. Never be sorry Yugi, if you meant it…”
Yugi started to reach out for him, but Yami had already turned and was walking swiftly away. Yugi gulped back sobs. “Yami!”
He didn’t turn around, though his heart ached and it took all his willpower to ignore Yugi’s call, gritting his teeth, half-blinded with tears. His inner voice begged for forgiveness. I’m sorry Yugi…I wish I could give in. I’ve waited nine years...I’m terrified to lose this chance. But no matter how badly I want it…I can’t let myself influence you. You have to make this choice on your own, even if…
“Yami!”
As he reached a corner, he broke into a run, pushing past people as he struggled to make it to the park entrance, trying to escape the sound of Yugi’s voice. …Even if I have to force you to.
“Yami…” Yugi whispered as he saw him vanish around a bend in the distance. His heart screamed at him to follow him, to go after Yami and swear that he would make things work, but something stopped him. And Yugi found himself sitting back down on the bench instead; crying, lost, and feeling more alone than ever.
x-x-x
Notes: The way I saw it, FBOW could have ended one of two ways. Either Yugi could flat-out dump Rebecca and get together with Yami, or this. I was going to go with the former, but Yugi just flat-out dumping someone without any thought just...isn't in-character for him. No matter how much he loves Yami, I think a part of him would feel like he should stay with Rebecca out of duty and out of not wanting to hurt her feelings, even if he doesn't love her. Yami knows that. Sometimes that's the way things are. Not everyone gets to confess and go running off into the sunset together. Real life has to be considered, and love...doesn't always "win" in rl.
I guess this one could also potentially have a happy or sad sequel as well. Dunno if I'll write either of them though.
Get used to angst, BTW, cause the next three fics are all gonna be in that catagory! >3