Comments | ahavah: A Slightly Irate PSA About Boy vs Girl

ahavah

A Slightly Irate PSA About Boy vs Girl

Apr 22, 2011 18:08

Dear World,

Believe it or not, it is totally okay to prefer one or the other. This does not make someone a bad parent, this does not mean they will be disappointed with their child, this does not mean they will treat it any differently, and it does not mean they have their priorities off-track and need a lecture.

No, really!

( Maybe it's hormones. Or maybe people are douches. Either way, it got a bit ranty. )

me, maya, parenting, mo, family, pregnancy

Comments 31

aimingforpeace April 22 2011, 23:12:52 UTC

FWIW, I hoped every single day that Sophia would be a girl. David hoped for a boy. Even after the sonogram, I was still worried until the day that she was born that she would be a boy, and david hoped.

I don't think that made either of us bad people. It definitely hasn't made David a bad dad that he didn't get his little boy - he adores her.

And it doesn't make you a bad person at all. It makes you human and honest that you have a preference. I'm rooting for an XY for you :-)

ahavah April 22 2011, 23:16:01 UTC

Thank you! You know, I think most parents have a preference, whether they admit it or not. Not all, but I do think most. Maybe they squash it down after ultrasounds. I don't know. I just know that I don't think there's anything wrong with hoping one way or another. I think, in the vast majority of cases, it would not affect the parents' love or behavior at all. It just gets tiring watching people react like they're astounded I'd admit it and then lecture me about ~what really matters~. Especially after asking. That just seems kind of silly.

aimingforpeace April 22 2011, 23:24:29 UTC

They're just jealous that they don't have your honesty or self realization ;-)

ahavah April 22 2011, 23:26:05 UTC

I can dig that! lol

sidelong April 22 2011, 23:29:39 UTC

I have to admit, this post made me giggle. It was so snarky and SO JUSTIFIED, it made me want to find the people who'd given you shit about expressing a preference and email it to them. Not that I know who they are. But still. Hilarious ( ... )

ahavah April 22 2011, 23:32:30 UTC

I'm glad you think so! I waffled over whether to do such a post, but I got TWO more "as long as it's healthy" lectures today (only one with the snarling look of disdain, luckily) and decided I needed to get it out.

I'll admit, because I *am* wanting one way or another, I almost wanted to get an ultrasound. But I do like the tradition of finding out at birth. And, secretly, I think I may be able to talk Josh into just one more try, if it comes to it. ;)

sidelong April 22 2011, 23:39:08 UTC

I just attended the birth of a friend who hadn't found out beforehand (although she had all the ultrasounds and stuff), and it was really, really magical.

Her mom and I were *both* feeling "girl!" as was another of the ladies attending the birth, and none of us were the least bit disappointed when she had a beautiful, healthy, screaming baby boy. :) Your kid is going to be loved and accepted regardless of the sex. I think Nature wired (most of) us that way.

ahavah April 22 2011, 23:43:38 UTC

That's awesome! I really felt like Eden was a girl. Maybe it was just because that's what I wanted. Sometimes I think this one must be a boy, simply because it's been so totally 180 from what my other pregnancies were like. But I am also a lot older, a lot heavier, and in a brand new place, so those could all certainly contribute. I've had friends and family both who are *so* sure it's one or the other, but they're all pretty evenly divided. That's part of why the surprise is so fun! lol

lolacat April 22 2011, 23:41:46 UTC

I had the same issue with Holly. I really wanted another girl. I didn't feel ashamed about that, and of course if she'd been a boy it would have been perfect. But sometimes people did make me feel like I was bad for having a preference, or that I was being silly for wanting a second girl when I already have one and "don't I want one of each??" I have to say that discovering Holly was Holly at the moment of her birth was indescribably joyous. I was so happy to have my wish for two little girls. I don't feel bad about that!

ahavah April 22 2011, 23:45:46 UTC

And I don't think we should! Why is it that random strangers/others have to pass judgment about it? It's ridiculous. Everyone is different. Everyone has different hopes and different reactions. I'd rather someone be honest about theirs that lie to either themselves or everyone else, you know? Sometimes I think, 'Well, that's just the only small-talk they know how to make', but when it gets so overtly preachy, it's no longer small-talk and has turned to unwanted & unwarranted judgment. Which sucks.

mrsgirlyduck April 22 2011, 23:53:37 UTC

I wanted a girl, always wanted a girl, and would have been disappointed if she had turned out to be a boy. Not that I would have loved him any less or given him to the wolves or anything, but I wanted a girl.

If I knew I'd have a boy, I'd try again in a minute. But not being able to pick the sex of said un-fertilized egg... I'm not willing to risk the terrible pregnancy that would ensue without that guarantee though. That might make me a horrible person, but so what. :D

ahavah April 22 2011, 23:59:08 UTC

OMG, feeding her to wolves might be my new response! YES.

No, it doesn't make you a horrible person at all! Everyone's hopes and wants are perfectly valid. It's also one of the great joys of living in the days of birth control! (Assuming you get one that works, har har. This is the only baby we've actually planned. ><)

sidelong April 23 2011, 00:01:39 UTC

That's absolutely what you should say.

"Well, we're both still young. We can have plenty more kids. We're just going to leave this one out on a rock if it's not a boy. You know, like our ancestors did in Greece. See? It's traditional!"

ahavah April 23 2011, 00:26:50 UTC

I love it! I totally need to make a list. I could say girl babies are the secret ingredient to kick-ass cheesebait, and all the hunter/fishers would then stop lecturing and fully support me.

becoming_rachel April 23 2011, 01:23:40 UTC

I don't think it makes you a bad person at all. I think it makes you honest. Every time I hear a parent-to-be say the standard line "..as long as it's healthy!" when it comes to gender, I wonder how many of them REALLY mean it. I can tell that many of them have a secret preference.

I know, for me (I don't have kids yet, and can't wait.) I want my first to be a girl. I always wanted a little girl, and want my eldest to be one. Does that mean I'd love a boy any less? Absolutely not. But my hope is for a girl, and I'll be totally honest about that.

ahavah April 23 2011, 01:31:43 UTC

Glad to hear it! Yeah, I'm always going to be honest about it. Especially when asked! lol Maybe if we were more honest about our feelings, there would be a lot less judging when it comes to pregnancy and childbirth. It seems like a pregnant belly is open season to get all up in someone's personal business. I don't generally mind - unless they then decide to snarl at my choices. I really don't do that with others, even if I have pretty passionate views for MYSELF. I don't appreciate it from others. If I thought it was *wrong*, I probably wouldn't be so honest with them. I guess that's what peeves some people. Like I should be ashamed of myself or something. Sorry, random dude in the grocery store, I'm just not.