Supernatural RPS fic: Light My Fire (Jensen/Jared) 1/3
Title: Light My Fire
Author: agt_spooky
Pairing: Jensen/Jared
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 7,360 (this part) / 19,700 (total for three parts)
Genre: Firefighter AU, Angst, First-time
Warnings/Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: It’s RPS, people. It never happened, but I wish it would. :-)
Author’s Notes: Many thanks, as always, to my fabulous beta, charityflint, who always makes my stories better. :-)
Summary: In New York, two men meet under unusual circumstances, and find themselves falling for each other. But when Jensen Ackles learns who Jared Padalecki really is, it all comes crashing down. Can Jared convince Jensen to open up his heart and take a chance on love again, despite who Jared is?
(banner created by agt_spooky)
Author's Notes 2: This story was born out of my love for the shows Emergency! and Third Watch and any references to them are entirely intentional. :-)
Light My Fire
By AgtSpooky
October 22, 2007
Jensen Ackles had one goal in mind tonight - to get blind drunk.
And by the looks of the rapidly emptying bottle in front of him, he was more than halfway there. He’d picked up an extra shift at work, thinking that keeping busy would take his mind off of what today was - this twisted “anniversary” - but it had only made things worse, being in that building, remembering him there.
So here he was at Casey’s, his local gay-friendly bar, doing his best to dull the pain in his chest with alcohol, wanting nothing more than to just be numb and forget about this day, just wanting it to be over.
Jensen leaned his left shoulder against the wall at the far end of the bar, absently swirling the amber colored liquor in his shot glass as he looked around, his green eyes taking everything in. It was Saturday night, and the length of the bar was full, mostly with men, but a few women, too.
The Yankees were on the TV in the corner, winning by the sounds some of the patrons were making, but if it wasn’t a Texas team playing, Jensen had no interest. The jukebox was blaring in the corner, music nearly drowned out by the conversations going on at the bar and at the tables scattered around.
Jensen caught sight of more than one set of couples, men, sitting close together and laughing, a quick kiss, a hand on a thigh - and Jensen had to look away, chasing away the sudden lump in his throat with another shot.
He looked up when he saw movement out of the corner of his eye, to see Casey himself walking toward him from behind the bar. Casey had become a good friend to Jensen in the five years since Jensen had moved to New York and found this place in his neighborhood, where he could relax and be himself. And Casey had been in the same line of work as Jensen, until he retired 10 years ago and opened up the bar, so it became an instant bond between the two of them.
Jensen tried to smile as the older, gray-haired man approached, but it fell flat and he busied himself pouring another shot.
“Jen,” Casey said simply as he came to a stop in front of Jensen, setting down his glass of water.
Jensen nodded. “Hey, Case.”
The bartender put his hand on the half empty bottle. “You sure you don’t want me to call Tom?” he asked, concern in his voice. “I really don’t think you should be alone tonight.”
Jensen shook his head. “No. I’ll - I’ll be okay. Can I just crash in the back tonight?”
“You know you can,” Casey replied, waited a moment, then laid a hand on Jensen’s arm. “I’m sorry, Jen.”
Jensen swallowed deeply and fought against the sudden moisture in his eyes at his friend’s words. “I miss him,” he said, his words thick with sadness.
Casey nodded slowly. “I know. I do, too.” Then he raised his water glass. “To Ryan.”
Jensen raised his shot glass, hand shaking just slightly as he tried to find his voice. “To Ryan,” he echoed, then downed the shot, feeling the burn of alcohol down his throat turn into warmth inside him.
Casey started to say something, but the door to the bar opened and in spilled five very loud men, laughing and shoving at one another. Casey’s expression immediately turned annoyed and Jensen knew he was expecting trouble.
Jensen couldn’t help but look over as well, his eyes taking in the group of twenty-something guys as they made their way over to an empty table, and you’d have to be blind not to notice that one of the men was nearly six inches taller than his friends. One of the men, a blond, smacked the taller man in the shoulder and Jensen could hear his laugh all the way across the bar.
Casey squeezed Jensen’s arm, bringing his attention back to the bartender. “You need anything you let me know, okay?”
Jensen nodded. “Yeah, I will,” he answered and Casey walked away to take care of the newcomers as Jensen turned back to his bottle.
He sighed as he poured another shot, letting the noise of the bar recede to a dull roar in his head. The alcohol was finally taking effect, his body feeling heavy, the painful thoughts and memories in his mind finally starting to fade.
He closed his eyes as he drank the next shot. He’d spent a lot of time last year with a bottle just like this. Many bottles, actually, until he’d beaten back the anger. But one thing he’d been unable to conquer was the loneliness. Their empty apartment, their empty bed, was a constant reminder of what he’d lost, what he’d had ripped away from him. It was just his apartment now, just his bed.
And trying to face that tonight was too much for him. So instead he sought solace in the bottom of another bottle.
The next shot of solace was raising up when a body stumbled into him, hitting his arm and spilling most of the liquor on the bar.
Pissed, Jensen turned - to come face to face with the tall man and his blond friend.
“God! I’m so sorry!” The tall man apologized immediately, then turned to his friend, giving him a shove. “Chad, you douche! Look what you made me do, you ass! Just go back to the table. I’ll get the drinks.”
The blond just laughed and shrugged, mumbling, “Sorry, man,” to Jensen before walking back to the table.
The tall man shook his head and turned back to Jensen, who was reaching back behind the bar for some napkins.
“Oh, man, let me do that,” the tall guy said, his large hand brushing Jensen’s as he grabbed the napkins and started cleaning up the spill.
“It’s okay, really, I got it,” Jensen replied, but the other guy shook his head.
“Nope, my fault,” the guy responded. “Lemme buy you another shot, okay?”
Jensen couldn’t help but notice the other man’s accent, and felt a pang of homesickness on top of everything else.
“Texas boy, eh?” Jensen asked with a small smile.
The other man’s face lit up, smiling wide enough to show Jensen his dimples.
“Hell, yeah! San Antonio!” he answered, then stuck out his hand. “God, where are my manners? My momma would kill me. Name’s Jared.”
Jensen stuck out his hand as well and Jared enveloped it with his own, strong and warm, and Jensen felt a tingle at the contact.
“Jensen. From Richardson, near Dallas.”
Jared laughed, hazel eyes bright. “No way! I’ve got cousins who live right near there!”
Before Jensen could respond, Casey was there with a tray of drinks. “Here ya go, buddy,” he said to Jared, sliding the tray across the bar.
“Oh yeah, thanks.” Jared nodded at Casey, then looked back at Jensen, running a hand through his shaggy brown hair. “Umm, hey, are you - are you by yourself?”
Jensen hesitated, seeing the invitation in Jared’s eyes, but answered honestly. “Just me and the bottle.”
Jared smiled at his answer. “You wanna join me? I’m celebrating. Been up here for a couple months and finally landed me a job. I start on Monday.”
“Congratulations, and thanks for the offer, but I’m not good company tonight.”
Jensen saw the disappointment in Jared’s eyes and wondered why he was mad at himself for putting it there when he doesn’t even know this guy.
The smile fell from Jared’s face. “Oh…well, if you change your mind, just come over, okay? I’d like - never mind,” he stammered. “Just - it was nice to meet you, Jensen.”
Jensen nodded slowly. “Nice to meet you, too, Jared.”
Jared held his gaze for just a bit too long, the invitation there once more in those hazel eyes and Jensen felt…something. Something he hadn’t felt in over a year when another pair of hazel eyes had looked at him like that.
~~~~~
For the next hour, Jensen couldn’t stop watching Jared in the mirror behind the bar. He didn’t really look like Ryan - too tall, hair too long - but that smile, and those eyes…
And Jensen caught Jared watching him, too. After the third time their eyes met in the reflection, Jared stopped trying to disguise his interest, letting his eyes tell Jensen exactly what he wanted.
And now Jensen wanted it, too.
He shouldn’t do this, he knows he shouldn’t, but he's so goddamn lonely, it’s been so long now since he’s had anyone touch him… And with the amount of alcohol he’s got in his system now, everything’s soft and slightly blurred around the edges, his higher brain functions too dull now to make him stop. To tell him this is a bad idea.
He looked at Jared again, at the desire in the younger man’s eyes reflected in the mirror. Maybe he could help Jensen forget about this day, what it meant, or maybe Jensen could just pretend…
Decision made, Jensen downed one last shot, put enough money on the bar to cover what he’d drank from the bottle and turned on the bar stool. He waited until Jared looked over at him before spreading his legs open a bit, his hand resting on his crotch, squeezing a little, his eyes making it clear he wanted this, too.
He saw Jared’s eyes widen slightly with understanding before giving Jensen a little nod.
Jensen stood up carefully from the bar stool, the world tilting just a bit before he regained his equilibrium and started making his way out of the bar, his heart starting to beat a bit faster with each step.
He heard Casey call out to him but he didn’t stop, giving his friend a thumbs-up sign to let the bartender know not to worry about him right before the door closed behind him.
Jensen had no more than leaned against the brick wall of the bar when the door opened and out walked Jared, looking nervous but turned on at the same time.
Not wanting to give either of them time to think about what they were doing, Jensen cocked his head and asked, “You got someplace to go?” There was no way he was taking Jared back to his own apartment.
He watched Jared swallow and nod. “Yeah, just around the corner,” he answered and Jensen pushed off the wall, following the taller man.
“…so Chad’s a friend of mine from way back. He can be kind of a jerk, but he’s a pretty good guy. He heard about some job openings here, convinced me to come up here, move in with him. Just got my own place last week now that I’m gonna be starting a job. Can’t live with Chad forever. Total slob. And…”
Jared’s long strides carried them swiftly down the sidewalk, Jensen just slightly behind him, letting Jared’s nervous chatter wash over him as he admired the other man’s body.
Jared was wearing dark jeans that encased those long legs and ass perfectly. It was quite apparent that Jared liked to work out, his chest filling out the soft gray t-shirt he was wearing, showing off his biceps at the same time. He talked with his hands, and Jensen felt himself begin to harden inside his jeans at the thought of those long fingers wrapped around his dick.
His musings came to an end as Jared stopped talking and walking outside a non-descript door in a typical New York apartment building. He inserted the key in the lock and opened the door, flicking on a light as he went inside, Jensen once again following him, closing the door behind him.
“So - “ Jared got out before Jensen had him pushed up against the wall, hands fisted in the younger man’s shirt. Enough with the talking, his actions said, and Jared’s eyes widened before going dark.
“Yeah, yeah,” Jared nodded, dipping his head, searching out Jensen’s mouth.
But Jensen dodged, turning his head. No kissing. He wasn’t letting this get that intimate. This was about sex, and release, that’s all.
He looked back and Jared tried again, and once more Jensen turned away. This time Jared got the message and went lower, kissing the side of Jensen’s neck instead, hands on Jensen’s waist, pulling him against the hard planes of his body.
Jensen was helpless to stop the shudder that ran through him at the sensations and he pressed closer to Jared, letting his eyes drift shut. Too long since anyone had touched him like this…
Jared continued to kiss along his neck, his large hands drifting down to cup Jensen’s ass, rocking his hips up slightly. Jensen groaned softly at the feel of Jared’s hard cock pushing against his through their jeans and he rocked his own hips in response.
Then they were both moving, hands pulling at shirts and zippers, stripping each other right there in Jared’s living room, Jensen was once again thankful for the alcohol haze he was in, preventing him from stopping this insanity and instead just letting him feel.
Feel Jared’s large, warm hands on his skin as more and more was exposed, making him shiver, feel Jared’s mouth kissing him wetly on his neck, his chest, his stomach as he dropped to his knees in front of Jensen.
Jensen was trying to keep his eyes closed, trying to pretend the hands on his body belonged to someone else, but the first touch of Jared’s tongue on his achingly hard cock had them flying open with a gasp.
“Oh, fuck,” he groaned, as he watched his cock slide into the wetness of Jared’s mouth, feeling the suction Jared was creating, hollowing his cheeks as he bobbed his head.
It felt good, so goddamn good, and Jensen tangled his fingers in Jared’s hair as the younger man continued to suck. Jared’s tongue swirled around the head of his cock, dipped into the slit, pressed against the bundle of nerves on the underside, dragging a moan out of Jensen. This guy was fucking good, and Jensen didn’t want him to stop, but he could already feel the first stirrings of his orgasm in his balls, and he didn’t want this to be over with until he was buried inside the other man.
As if Jared could sense his thoughts, the younger man slowed, then pulled off, looking up at Jensen through half-lidded eyes, dark with lust, lips wet and pink.
“Want you,” Jared drawled huskily. “Want you to fuck me.”
Jensen’s breath caught and he nodded, feeling his dick throb at Jared’s words. “Bedroom?”
A few steps down the hall and then they were tumbling onto Jared’s bed in the moonlight, Jensen on top of the taller man. The alcohol buzz made him feel pleasantly disconnected from himself as he began to explore Jared’s long, hard body with his mouth and his hands.
Jared’s skin was smooth and warm underneath his fingertips, and he licked across taut muscles, tongue flicking over first one nipple, then the other. The younger man bucked under him at the sensation, a groan slipping from his lips, as he tightened his hold on Jensen’s hips.
Jensen groaned himself as Jared’s hard cock slid against his and he reached down between their bodies. His hand wasn’t quite big enough to wrap around both their erections, but he did his best and started jacking them both slowly.
He let his eyes slide closed, trying once again to picture a different body beneath him, a different cock pressed so tightly against his own. But every pleasurable sound Jared made pulled his eyes open and he found himself wanting to hear the younger man make more, in spite of himself.
So he stroked them faster, swiping his thumb over the leaking head of Jared’s cock and was rewarded with a breathless, “Fuck, yeah,” from him, as Jared tried to pump his hips.
“Feels so good, Jensen,” Jared panted. “Want more…want you inside me…wanna come when you’re in me…”
Jensen squeezed both their dicks hard at Jared’s words, stilling his motions, staving off both their impending orgasms with twin groans.
“Do you have…?” Jensen trailed off.
Jared nodded, reaching over and slapping the top of his bedside table. Jensen shifted, letting go of their cocks to open up the drawer, withdrawing a small tube of lube and a condom.
He set the condom on the table, flicked open the lube with his thumb and coated several of his fingers before setting the tube next to the condom.
He moved off of Jared and the taller man raised up his legs, bending them at the knee, spreading them open wide. Jensen sucked in a breath at the sight of the handsome man laid out before him - Jared’s chest rising and falling with quick breaths, skin beginning to shine with a slight sheen of sweat, tongue flicking out to wet his lips, and his eyes - wide and nearly all pupil now, pinning him with a gaze filled with want and desire.
He’s beautiful.
Jensen froze there, suspended, as the unbidden thought penetrated his hazy mind, shocking him. It wasn’t supposed to be like this…
“Jensen…?”
Jensen blinked, coming back to himself at Jared’s voice.
“Jensen, please…” Jared raised his hips up, opening his legs wider, seeking Jensen’s touch.
And then Jensen was leaning over him, forcing his mind to go blank, pushing away the stray thought, letting his slick fingers caress Jared’s heavy balls before slipping lower, to tease at the other man’s entrance.
“Yeah, yeah,” Jared encouraged, and then Jensen watched as his mouth fell open, neck arching on the pillow as Jensen slowly slid his finger inside him.
Tight heat gripped Jensen’s finger as he started to stretch Jared, his cock throbbing at the thought of being surrounded by the same sensation.
Moments later Jared was asking for more and Jensen slid in a second finger, watching as Jared shifted restlessly on the bed, pushing down, trying to take more of Jensen’s fingers in.
Jensen pushed his fingers in all the way and Jared gasped. “Now! Ah, god, I’m ready…I’m ready…”
Jensen withdrew his fingers and reached for the condom, but Jared beat him to it.
“Let me,” Jared said, drawing Jensen up and between his spread legs, tearing open the foil packet.
He reached out and stroked Jensen, spreading the pre-come around the head of his cock and Jensen let his head fall back as Jared slowly rolled the latex down his erection and slicked him up with lube, making putting on a condom more sexy than it should ever be.
“Turn over?” he said when Jared was finished.
But Jared shook his head. “Want it like this. Wanna watch you…”
Jensen swallowed at Jared unknowingly making this more difficult for him by having to look at Jared’s face instead of his back. He felt things slipping out of control as it was, the alcohol no longer blurring things enough. But all he could do was nod, determined to keep his eyes closed this time and not think about Jared, but Ryan instead. He had to…
Then Jensen was moving, changing position between Jared’s legs, his cock pressed against Jared’s opening. His green eyes searched out hazel ones, saw Jared nod and smile and then he was pushing forward…
Jensen felt it the moment Jared’s body opened for him, the ring of muscle giving, just the head of his cock sliding inside. He couldn’t help the gasp as Jared’s body gripped him so tightly, then the younger man’s hands were on his forearms, squeezing.
“Keep going…ahh, don’t stop, don’t stop…” Jared was rambling, lifting his hips up, trying to get more of Jensen inside him.
So Jensen kept pushing, working himself inside with short thrusts, stretching Jared open wide until the other man’s balls were almost brushing the base of his cock.
He held himself perfectly still then, breathing harshly in tandem with Jared, giving the younger man time to adjust and himself time to will away the desire to come instantly. So long since he’d done this…
Then Jared was lifting up his legs, wrapping them around Jensen’s waist, the heel of one foot in the small of Jensen’s back, pushing, bringing Jensen inside him that final inch.
“God!” Jared threw back his head. “Jensen…Jensen…”
Taking that as his cue, Jensen bit his bottom lip as he withdrew nearly all the way out of Jared’s body before pushing back in with one smooth stroke, again and again, setting up a rhythm. Jared met him stroke for stroke, lifting up his hips, clenching down with his internal muscles, dragging a deep groan from Jensen as he closed his eyes, trying to picture another face beneath him.
But it was like Jared was a mind reader, that he knew Jensen was trying to retreat into a fantasy, into memory, and he refused to let him, keeping Jensen grounded in the present with him instead by constantly talking to him. It was a litany of Jensen’s name and harder, more, faster, anything to keep Jensen’s eyes open and attention on him.
And it worked. God help him, but it worked, despite how much he fought it. There was just something about Jared’s voice, and the look in his eyes… Jensen just let himself go, gave up the battle, let himself give in to the sensations coursing through his body, this intimacy he hadn’t felt in over a year.
“Yeah…yeah,” Jared smiled up at him when Jensen locked eyes with him and didn’t look away. “God, you feel so good, Jensen…so fucking good… God, deeper…please…”
Jensen leaned down, changing the angle of his penetration, pushing in just a bit harder, a bit deeper - and hit that spot inside Jared. The younger man jerked underneath him, crying out sharply, clenching around Jensen’s cock even harder, and Jensen was suddenly right there, at the precipice of release.
He gasped at the force at which his orgasm started to overtake him with the sudden tightening of his balls, the lightening coiling at the base of his spine, only moments away from climax.
“Jared,” he ground out, speaking the younger man’s name for the first time since meeting him in the bar. It should’ve felt strange to Jensen, saying this man’s name during sex instead of another, but it came out as natural as breathing.
The younger man’s eyes were blown wide and fucked out as he looked up at Jensen, his hairline wet with sweat now, and Jensen could tell by the expression on his face that Jared was close to his release as well.
“Yeah, yeah, that’s it,” Jensen encouraged him, snaking a hand between their bodies, wrapping his fingers around Jared’s rock hard erection. “C’mon, Jared, c’mon…”
Jared yelled out as Jensen started stroking him, his back arching. “Yes! Oh fuck, oh fuck,” Jared rambled, “Gonna come, oh god, I’m gonna come…”
And then he was, his cock pulsing in Jensen’s grip as his orgasm washed over him, coating Jensen’s fingers and his own chest in thick, white ropes.
Above him, Jensen watched as Jared came apart, watched him shake, and Jesus Christ, the sounds he was making, combined with the feel of Jared’s body clamping down around him - Jensen was done.
He pushed in deep, once, twice, the guttural moan torn from his throat as he climaxed, coming inside Jared, long and hard, closing his eyes against the white spots filling his vision.
He sagged as the last of his release filled the condom, trembling a little with the aftershocks, feeling Jared’s body tremble around him. He was trying to get his breathing under control when he felt Jared’s hand cup the side of his face, his thumb rubbing gently. He opened his eyes to see the younger man smiling up at him with such tenderness that he felt his throat close up and he was unable to speak.
The last of Jensen’s strength was leaving him, his arms no longer able to hold him up and he felt himself start to tip to the side.
“Whoa, whoa,” he heard Jared say, then strong hands were on his upper arms, steadying him.
He blinked open heavy eyes as Jared asked, “You okay?”
Jensen nodded wordlessly, then slowly began to pull out of Jared’s body. As his softening cock slipped free, Jared made a quiet noise at the loss. Jensen removed the condom, tying it off, as the younger man reached down beside the bed and snagged a discarded shirt, using it to clean off his chest.
He pushed the small bedside trash can toward Jensen and he leaned over, tossing the used condom in, nearly toppling off the bed in the process. Too much booze and now sex - exhaustion swept over Jensen in waves. He caught himself on the edge of the bed just as Jared did as well.
“You sure you’re all right?”
Jensen could hear the concern in Jared’s voice and he turned his head to look at the other man. Now that the haze of sex and alcohol was beginning to disperse, the reality of what he’d just done - picked up a stranger in a bar and fucked him - was beginning to set in. He needed to get out of here, now.
“ ‘m fine,” he replied slowly, his movements sluggish as he tried to swing his legs off the side of the bed. He’d no more than gotten to his feet, his head spinning a bit, when Jared caught his wrist.
“Wait,” the younger man said quietly. “Stay?”
Before Jensen could wrap his mind around the request, Jared continued.
“You’re wrecked. You shouldn’t be trying to get home like this. So stay…please? And just sleep.”
He looked down at the other man, and the combination of Jared’s expression, soft and open, his body warm and flushed in the aftermath of sex, his thumb rubbing gently on Jensen’s wrist, the bone-deep lethargy coursing through his body and the thought of going home alone to his cold and empty apartment had him speaking the word before he could stop himself.
“Okay.”
Jared’s smile was warm at his answer and he tugged on Jensen’s wrist. “C’mon,” he said, moving on the bed so that he could pull the covers back.
Jensen sank down gratefully onto the sheets, warm with their body heat, laid his head on the pillow and curled over onto his side. Deep down he knew staying here was a mistake, but the pull of sleep was too strong to fight common sense.
He felt the bed dip as Jared got off and walked out of the room, then he heard running water from down the hall. Just as he was about to drift off, Jared was back, his hand on Jensen’s shoulder.
“Here, take these,” Jared said softly as Jensen opened his eyes, to see several aspirin in one of Jared’s hands, a glass of water in the other.
Jensen could only stare in disbelief that this man would care about his hangover, when Jensen was essentially a stranger to him, someone he’d brought home for sex.
Jensen took the offered aspirin and water, swallowed them both down. “Thanks, I - “ he trailed off.
Jared shrugged, gave a half smile. “Just don’t want to see you hurting in the morning.”
He took back the glass and Jensen laid his head back down, asleep before Jared returned to the bedroom.
~~~~~
The nightmare came that night.
As Jensen expected it would, today of all days, but still, even if you know it’s coming, there’s little you can do to prepare yourself for it.
He was back in the building, fire everywhere. Red and yellow flames licking and burning. The walls, the ceiling. It wanted to burn them, too. Thick smoke and the heat - god, the heat. Getting hard to breathe, going to run out of air. Don’t want to leave him, don’t want to leave him. He’s yelling at you, telling you to go. You don’t have a choice, you know you have to. The explosion, moments later. Picking you up and slamming you down. He’s gone…
Jensen woke with a gasp, his body jerking, a choked off “Ry-“ escaping his lips as he sat up and looked around wildly, disoriented.
Then a warm hand was on his shoulder, Jared sitting up next to him. “Hey, hey, it’s okay,” he said gently, voice deep with sleep.
Jensen blinked and took a shaky breath, coming back to himself, remembering where he was. Jared was rubbing his arm, the motion soothing.
“Sorry,” Jensen apologized, lying back down. “Didn’t mean to wake you.”
Jared shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. Nightmare?”
Jensen nodded in response, staring at the ceiling.
“Wanna talk about it?” Jared asked, lying down as well, on his side facing Jensen.
Jensen turned his head, again surprised at Jared and his concern for him. “I lost someone,” Jensen replied simply, quietly.
And again those hazel eyes seemed to already know, like Jared had somehow already figured it out.
“I’m sorry,” Jared whispered, and moments later Jensen was asleep, Jared’s hand resting over his heart.
~~~~~
The next time Jensen woke it was to something much more pleasant - to the sensation of Jared kissing his way down Jensen’s neck, over to his shoulder, then down his back, slow and sensual.
Jensen had had every intention to get up and just leave this morning, but with the way Jared was making his body feel, now brushing a thumb over his nipple, and still craving the touch of someone, Jensen instead arched back against Jared’s hard body.
He felt Jared smile against his skin at his action. “You look so good,” he breathed into Jensen’s ear, making him shiver. “You feel so good…”
Jared’s fingers gently pinched Jensen’s nipple and Jensen jerked, the sensation shooting straight down to his cock. “Jared…” he moaned, feeling himself start to harden.
“Yeah, that’s it,” Jared murmured against his neck, giving Jensen’s nipple another squeeze before his hand started wandering - across his chest, down his abs to his stomach, to tease the fine hair below his navel, then back up again.
“Mmmm….” Jensen sighed at the touch, both soothing and turning him on at the same time, and he wanted more of it. He pressed back into Jared again, this time feeling the heat of Jared’s erection like a brand in the small of his back.
Jared sucked in a breath and rocked his hips and Jensen dropped his head back against Jared’s shoulder as the younger man’s questing fingers just brushed the tip of Jensen’s cock.
“More…” Jensen exhaled, then groaned deeply as Jared reached between his legs and cupped his heavy balls in his wide palm.
Jensen shifted, lifting up his top leg, bent at the knee, spreading himself open for Jared, and the other man took complete advantage of the new position. He fondled Jensen’s balls, rolling them, tugging gently, pulling another moan from Jensen.
“Like that, eh?” Jared smiled.
“God yeah…feels good…”
“How ‘bout this, then?” Jared asked, as his fingers slipped back behind Jensen’s balls, rubbing at the skin there.
Another electric current shot its way through Jensen’s body, his cock jerking as Jared stimulated him there.
“Fuck,” Jensen swore, then Jared’s long finger was moving even further back, sliding against Jensen’s entrance.
“Can I?” Jared breathed, finger pushing gently against the puckered muscle.
Jensen’s heartbeat quickened and he gave a shaky nod. “Y-Yeah. But…it’s been a long time.”
“It’s okay, we’ll take it slow,” Jared replied, kissing along Jensen’s neck again. “Now don’t move…”
Jared rolled away from Jensen and he heard the bedside drawer opening and closing, then the younger man was back, slicking up his fingers. He moved toward the end of the bed and Jensen rolled onto his back and raised up both legs, bent at the knee. Jared settled himself between Jensen’s spread legs, one hand on Jensen’s knee, the other drifting between his legs.
Jared smiled at him just as he felt his finger, cool with gel, rubbing against his entrance. Jensen sucked in a breath and nodded at the younger man, and then he was pressing his head back into the pillow as Jared’s finger breeched him.
It was uncomfortable just for a moment, his body remembering what this felt like, how good it felt, and he was relaxing as Jared started slowly sliding his finger in and out, stretching him.
“Jesus, Jensen, you’re so tight. Am I hurting you?”
Jensen shook his head. “No, feels good. You can go faster, a little harder.” Then he bit his lip as Jared complied. “Mmmm…yeah…” he sighed.
“God, you look so good like this,” Jared murmured, bending over Jensen’s upper body, supporting himself with a hand next to Jensen’s shoulder. Then he dipped his head and licked Jensen’s nipple.
Jensen couldn’t help the small groan and he pressed down against Jared’s finger as he tangled his hands in Jared’s long hair. “Don’t stop,” he breathed.
And Jared didn’t, licking and sucking on Jensen’s nipple as he continued to stretch him open, driving Jensen higher and higher with the dual stimulation. And when Jared slid in a second finger, Jensen thought he’d fly apart.
His hips were moving restlessly on the bed, trying to get some kind of friction on his rock hard cock and bearing down on Jared’s fingers, trying to get them deeper. And then they were, hitting that spot that had Jensen crying out sharply, neck arching on the pillow.
So Jared did it again, raising his head up from Jensen’s chest as Jensen bucked beneath him, putting his mouth close to Jensen’s ear.
“Want you to ride me, Jensen,” he growled. “Wanna see you on top of me…”
“Christ,” Jensen swore, his mind flooded with the mental image Jared’s words had conjured up and he had to reach between their bodies to squeeze his cock hard to stop himself from coming right then and there.
Jared chuckled. “I take it you like the idea?”
“God, yeah,” Jensen panted, practically shaking with the need to have Jared inside him. “I’m good, I’m ready…”
Jared smiled at him again and withdrew his fingers, leaving Jensen feeling empty and open. Jared moved back up the bed and sat with his back against the headboard next to Jensen, tearing open the condom packet. Jensen sat up and reached for the lube as Jared rolled the latex on himself, handing the tube to the younger man. Jared applied the lube liberally to his cock, then Jensen was straddling Jared’s body, his own cock jutting out proudly, hard and aching for release.
Jared’s hands settled on Jensen’s ass, gently holding and spreading him open as Jensen reached behind himself to take Jared’s cock in his hand, bringing it to press against his opening. He took a second to just rub the head against the puckered muscle, teasing himself and Jared, before pressing down.
Even with Jared’s fingers having stretched him, the burn as the head of Jared’s cock breeched his body caused Jensen to suck in a quick breath. But underneath the spike of pain was a feeling of fullness that Jensen loved, and he wanted all of Jared inside him.
Jared’s cock was proportionate to his body - long and hard and thick, and Jensen worked himself down with short movements, hands braced on the headboard, bottom lip caught between his teeth as Jared filled him.
“Yeah, that’s it…take it slow…god, you feel amazing,” Jared rambled, still spreading Jensen open. “Almost there…just a little more…c’mon, take all of me in…wanna be all the way in you, Jensen…”
“Oh god,” Jensen panted as Jared’s cock slipped in the last inch. “So fucking big…feel so full…god…”
Jensen remained still for a moment, eyes closed, letting his body adjust, stretch around Jared’s cock as the other man’s hands shifted from his ass to grip his hips.
As the burn of penetration subsided, Jensen opened his eyes to see wide hazel ones looking back, feeling ripped bare by the intense gaze sweeping up and down his body. Then Jared locked eyes with him, voice pitched deep.
“C’mon, Jensen…ride me…”
And then Jensen was raising himself up on his knees, feeling Jared’s cock slide out of his body until only the head remained inside, before sinking back down in one smooth motion.
Both men groaned and Jared’s hands tightened on Jensen’s hips as Jensen started a smooth, quick rhythm, raising himself up and down on Jared’s cock, pushing down a little harder each time.
And this time Jensen didn’t try and retreat into a fantasy, or memory. He locked eyes with Jared, staring at Jensen with an expression so deep it felt like it was burning him, but he couldn’t look away. He was right there, in the moment with Jared, realizing that the younger man was awakening something inside him he thought he’d never feel again.
The air was filled with quick, panting breaths as Jensen continued to ride Jared’s cock, mindless words tumbling from both their mouths as they drove one another higher and higher. The head of Jensen’s cock was angry red and wet with pre-come and he felt the beginnings of his orgasm start deep inside.
His rhythm started to falter and immediately Jared’s strong arms were helping him lift himself up and down.
“You almost there, Jensen?” Jared breathed harshly. “You gonna come?”
Jensen nodded, biting his lip. “Close, ‘m so close,” he panted. “Just…a little more…”
And then he was crying out sharply as Jared bucked his hips, driving his cock in further than before, sliding against Jensen’s prostate.
“Fuck, yeah, that’s it,” Jared exhaled, repeating the motion, and one of Jensen’s hands slipped down from the headboard to clutch at Jared’s shoulder.
“Jared…Jared,” Jensen rambled, sparks racing up and down his spine as Jared’s cock continued to stimulate his prostate as he pushed down against it.
“Feel so good…so tight…wanna feel you come, Jensen…”
And then Jensen was flying apart, Jared’s hand wrapping itself around his cock, pulling once, twice - and Jensen was coming. His orgasm surged through him, his cock pulsing long and hard in Jared’s grasp, painting the younger man’s hand and chest with thick ropes of semen.
He called out Jared’s name as he came, eyes squeezed closed, head thrown back, feeling Jared’s hips still pumping, quick, sharp thrusts of his cock inside him.
“Jensen! Oh god, yeah,” Jared ground out, pushing Jensen down hard, holding him there as he came, too, eyes closing, mouth falling open.
Jensen couldn’t stop the moan as he felt Jared’s cock pulse deep within him, his own twitching at the stimulation, releasing a few more drops of semen. He sagged forward then, as Jared’s climax subsided, pleasurable tiredness taking over his body, his other hand now resting on Jared’s shoulder, too.
They remained that way for a long moment, calming their breathing, then Jared once again cupped the side of Jensen’s face, his features soft, smiling up at Jensen.
And Jensen…
Smiled back.
~~~~~
“So…umm,” Jared started as they finished cleaning themselves up, “Would you like to stay for breakfast?”
Needing to be alone for a while, his thoughts and feelings a mess inside his head, Jensen shook his head in response. “Thanks, but, umm…I’ve got a lot of stuff I need to do today. I’d better get going,” he finished, reaching for his clothes that Jared must’ve folded and put on the bedside chair after he’d fallen asleep last night. And once again Jensen was struck by Jared’s thoughtfulness to a stranger.
Jensen quickly pulled on boxers and pants and his shirt, then stuffed his feet in his boots. Straightening up, he ran a hand through his messy, spiky hair, shifting awkwardly as he looked at Jared, still sitting naked on the bed, sheet bunched around his thighs.
Jensen swallowed, unsure of what to even say. It wasn’t like he made a habit of picking up men in a bar and having to deal with the morning after. Saving Jensen from any embarrassment, Jared spoke first, just as Jensen opened his mouth.
“Listen, I know this was just supposed to be sex, what we both wanted last night,” Jared began, speaking softly. “But I think there’s something more here now, between us, and I think you can feel it, too.” He paused, looking away from Jensen then back again. “I just - I want to see you again. I want to get to know you, Jensen.”
Jensen’s jaw clicked shut at Jared’s words and it took him a moment to find his voice. “Jared, I…” he began, the tone in his voice causing Jared to speak up again.
“I’m sorry,” Jared broke in, disappointment crossing his face. “I was reading too much into things…”
Jensen shook his head. “No, it’s not that. You weren’t wrong. Last night and this morning was…it was…” he trailed off, ducking his head, feeling his face flush and he heard Jared chuckle. Then he looked back up again, voice serious. “But…I don’t know if I’m ready for a relationship right now.”
Jared looked thoughtful. “That person you lost?”
Jensen nodded. “Yeah,” he replied quietly.
“Well…can I maybe give you my phone number, in case you change your mind?”
Jensen gave him a small smile. “Sure,” he answered, seeing the hope on Jared’s face as the younger man grabbed a piece of paper and a pen from the bedside table and scribbled quickly on it. Jensen reached out and took the paper, and with a small nod, turned and left Jared’s apartment, but not before looking back at the gorgeous man one last time.
~~~~~
The late afternoon summer sun was streaming in through Jensen’s bedroom as he sat at his desk, books and papers spread out before him. He was supposed to be doing his homework, but his mind kept drifting to Jared, replaying the events of the previous night and this morning over and over in his head.
Thoughts and feelings tumbling inside his head, he turned to look at the photo sitting on the corner of his desk. He picked it up, rubbed his thumb over the face of the smiling man. Tom had been telling him it was time for him to move on, but up until this point he’d never felt ready for another relationship, like he’d be betraying Ryan.
His eyes shifted to the scrap of paper lying next to the phone. Maybe it was time to take a chance.
~~~~~
Later that evening, sitting out on his balcony under the stars, Jensen took a deep breath and punched Jared’s number into his phone.
“Hello?”
Jensen swallowed. “Umm, hi. It’s Jensen.”
“Jensen!” He could practically see Jared’s smile over the phone. “Wow, I’m really glad you called.”
“Jared, listen…I want to get to know you, too, but…I don’t know where I want this to go,” Jensen told the younger man honestly.
“Hey, it’s okay. I understand,” Jared replied sincerely. “We can take things slow, as strange as that sounds now.”
They shared a laugh at that, and Jensen felt himself begin to relax. A few moments later they were talking about Texas and their families. Jensen learned that Jared also had a younger sister and older brother and soon they were telling stories about growing up, being the middle child.
A good hour later, still talking about Richardson and San Antonio, Jared’s call waiting went off. He clicked over and came back to Jensen a minute later - it was his momma, she always calls on Sunday and he’d better talk to her. Jensen laughed, understanding completely.
“So hey, can I call you tomorrow night?” Jared asked tentatively.
Jensen smiled into the phone. “Yeah, I’d like that. ‘Night, Jared.”
“Awesome. ‘Night, Jensen.”
As Jensen hung up the phone he felt something loosen inside his chest, like the door to his heart had opened once again.
~~~~~
PART TWO...(angst coming up!)
Author: agt_spooky
Pairing: Jensen/Jared
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 7,360 (this part) / 19,700 (total for three parts)
Genre: Firefighter AU, Angst, First-time
Warnings/Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: It’s RPS, people. It never happened, but I wish it would. :-)
Author’s Notes: Many thanks, as always, to my fabulous beta, charityflint, who always makes my stories better. :-)
Summary: In New York, two men meet under unusual circumstances, and find themselves falling for each other. But when Jensen Ackles learns who Jared Padalecki really is, it all comes crashing down. Can Jared convince Jensen to open up his heart and take a chance on love again, despite who Jared is?
(banner created by agt_spooky)
Author's Notes 2: This story was born out of my love for the shows Emergency! and Third Watch and any references to them are entirely intentional. :-)
Light My Fire
By AgtSpooky
October 22, 2007
Jensen Ackles had one goal in mind tonight - to get blind drunk.
And by the looks of the rapidly emptying bottle in front of him, he was more than halfway there. He’d picked up an extra shift at work, thinking that keeping busy would take his mind off of what today was - this twisted “anniversary” - but it had only made things worse, being in that building, remembering him there.
So here he was at Casey’s, his local gay-friendly bar, doing his best to dull the pain in his chest with alcohol, wanting nothing more than to just be numb and forget about this day, just wanting it to be over.
Jensen leaned his left shoulder against the wall at the far end of the bar, absently swirling the amber colored liquor in his shot glass as he looked around, his green eyes taking everything in. It was Saturday night, and the length of the bar was full, mostly with men, but a few women, too.
The Yankees were on the TV in the corner, winning by the sounds some of the patrons were making, but if it wasn’t a Texas team playing, Jensen had no interest. The jukebox was blaring in the corner, music nearly drowned out by the conversations going on at the bar and at the tables scattered around.
Jensen caught sight of more than one set of couples, men, sitting close together and laughing, a quick kiss, a hand on a thigh - and Jensen had to look away, chasing away the sudden lump in his throat with another shot.
He looked up when he saw movement out of the corner of his eye, to see Casey himself walking toward him from behind the bar. Casey had become a good friend to Jensen in the five years since Jensen had moved to New York and found this place in his neighborhood, where he could relax and be himself. And Casey had been in the same line of work as Jensen, until he retired 10 years ago and opened up the bar, so it became an instant bond between the two of them.
Jensen tried to smile as the older, gray-haired man approached, but it fell flat and he busied himself pouring another shot.
“Jen,” Casey said simply as he came to a stop in front of Jensen, setting down his glass of water.
Jensen nodded. “Hey, Case.”
The bartender put his hand on the half empty bottle. “You sure you don’t want me to call Tom?” he asked, concern in his voice. “I really don’t think you should be alone tonight.”
Jensen shook his head. “No. I’ll - I’ll be okay. Can I just crash in the back tonight?”
“You know you can,” Casey replied, waited a moment, then laid a hand on Jensen’s arm. “I’m sorry, Jen.”
Jensen swallowed deeply and fought against the sudden moisture in his eyes at his friend’s words. “I miss him,” he said, his words thick with sadness.
Casey nodded slowly. “I know. I do, too.” Then he raised his water glass. “To Ryan.”
Jensen raised his shot glass, hand shaking just slightly as he tried to find his voice. “To Ryan,” he echoed, then downed the shot, feeling the burn of alcohol down his throat turn into warmth inside him.
Casey started to say something, but the door to the bar opened and in spilled five very loud men, laughing and shoving at one another. Casey’s expression immediately turned annoyed and Jensen knew he was expecting trouble.
Jensen couldn’t help but look over as well, his eyes taking in the group of twenty-something guys as they made their way over to an empty table, and you’d have to be blind not to notice that one of the men was nearly six inches taller than his friends. One of the men, a blond, smacked the taller man in the shoulder and Jensen could hear his laugh all the way across the bar.
Casey squeezed Jensen’s arm, bringing his attention back to the bartender. “You need anything you let me know, okay?”
Jensen nodded. “Yeah, I will,” he answered and Casey walked away to take care of the newcomers as Jensen turned back to his bottle.
He sighed as he poured another shot, letting the noise of the bar recede to a dull roar in his head. The alcohol was finally taking effect, his body feeling heavy, the painful thoughts and memories in his mind finally starting to fade.
He closed his eyes as he drank the next shot. He’d spent a lot of time last year with a bottle just like this. Many bottles, actually, until he’d beaten back the anger. But one thing he’d been unable to conquer was the loneliness. Their empty apartment, their empty bed, was a constant reminder of what he’d lost, what he’d had ripped away from him. It was just his apartment now, just his bed.
And trying to face that tonight was too much for him. So instead he sought solace in the bottom of another bottle.
The next shot of solace was raising up when a body stumbled into him, hitting his arm and spilling most of the liquor on the bar.
Pissed, Jensen turned - to come face to face with the tall man and his blond friend.
“God! I’m so sorry!” The tall man apologized immediately, then turned to his friend, giving him a shove. “Chad, you douche! Look what you made me do, you ass! Just go back to the table. I’ll get the drinks.”
The blond just laughed and shrugged, mumbling, “Sorry, man,” to Jensen before walking back to the table.
The tall man shook his head and turned back to Jensen, who was reaching back behind the bar for some napkins.
“Oh, man, let me do that,” the tall guy said, his large hand brushing Jensen’s as he grabbed the napkins and started cleaning up the spill.
“It’s okay, really, I got it,” Jensen replied, but the other guy shook his head.
“Nope, my fault,” the guy responded. “Lemme buy you another shot, okay?”
Jensen couldn’t help but notice the other man’s accent, and felt a pang of homesickness on top of everything else.
“Texas boy, eh?” Jensen asked with a small smile.
The other man’s face lit up, smiling wide enough to show Jensen his dimples.
“Hell, yeah! San Antonio!” he answered, then stuck out his hand. “God, where are my manners? My momma would kill me. Name’s Jared.”
Jensen stuck out his hand as well and Jared enveloped it with his own, strong and warm, and Jensen felt a tingle at the contact.
“Jensen. From Richardson, near Dallas.”
Jared laughed, hazel eyes bright. “No way! I’ve got cousins who live right near there!”
Before Jensen could respond, Casey was there with a tray of drinks. “Here ya go, buddy,” he said to Jared, sliding the tray across the bar.
“Oh yeah, thanks.” Jared nodded at Casey, then looked back at Jensen, running a hand through his shaggy brown hair. “Umm, hey, are you - are you by yourself?”
Jensen hesitated, seeing the invitation in Jared’s eyes, but answered honestly. “Just me and the bottle.”
Jared smiled at his answer. “You wanna join me? I’m celebrating. Been up here for a couple months and finally landed me a job. I start on Monday.”
“Congratulations, and thanks for the offer, but I’m not good company tonight.”
Jensen saw the disappointment in Jared’s eyes and wondered why he was mad at himself for putting it there when he doesn’t even know this guy.
The smile fell from Jared’s face. “Oh…well, if you change your mind, just come over, okay? I’d like - never mind,” he stammered. “Just - it was nice to meet you, Jensen.”
Jensen nodded slowly. “Nice to meet you, too, Jared.”
Jared held his gaze for just a bit too long, the invitation there once more in those hazel eyes and Jensen felt…something. Something he hadn’t felt in over a year when another pair of hazel eyes had looked at him like that.
~~~~~
For the next hour, Jensen couldn’t stop watching Jared in the mirror behind the bar. He didn’t really look like Ryan - too tall, hair too long - but that smile, and those eyes…
And Jensen caught Jared watching him, too. After the third time their eyes met in the reflection, Jared stopped trying to disguise his interest, letting his eyes tell Jensen exactly what he wanted.
And now Jensen wanted it, too.
He shouldn’t do this, he knows he shouldn’t, but he's so goddamn lonely, it’s been so long now since he’s had anyone touch him… And with the amount of alcohol he’s got in his system now, everything’s soft and slightly blurred around the edges, his higher brain functions too dull now to make him stop. To tell him this is a bad idea.
He looked at Jared again, at the desire in the younger man’s eyes reflected in the mirror. Maybe he could help Jensen forget about this day, what it meant, or maybe Jensen could just pretend…
Decision made, Jensen downed one last shot, put enough money on the bar to cover what he’d drank from the bottle and turned on the bar stool. He waited until Jared looked over at him before spreading his legs open a bit, his hand resting on his crotch, squeezing a little, his eyes making it clear he wanted this, too.
He saw Jared’s eyes widen slightly with understanding before giving Jensen a little nod.
Jensen stood up carefully from the bar stool, the world tilting just a bit before he regained his equilibrium and started making his way out of the bar, his heart starting to beat a bit faster with each step.
He heard Casey call out to him but he didn’t stop, giving his friend a thumbs-up sign to let the bartender know not to worry about him right before the door closed behind him.
Jensen had no more than leaned against the brick wall of the bar when the door opened and out walked Jared, looking nervous but turned on at the same time.
Not wanting to give either of them time to think about what they were doing, Jensen cocked his head and asked, “You got someplace to go?” There was no way he was taking Jared back to his own apartment.
He watched Jared swallow and nod. “Yeah, just around the corner,” he answered and Jensen pushed off the wall, following the taller man.
“…so Chad’s a friend of mine from way back. He can be kind of a jerk, but he’s a pretty good guy. He heard about some job openings here, convinced me to come up here, move in with him. Just got my own place last week now that I’m gonna be starting a job. Can’t live with Chad forever. Total slob. And…”
Jared’s long strides carried them swiftly down the sidewalk, Jensen just slightly behind him, letting Jared’s nervous chatter wash over him as he admired the other man’s body.
Jared was wearing dark jeans that encased those long legs and ass perfectly. It was quite apparent that Jared liked to work out, his chest filling out the soft gray t-shirt he was wearing, showing off his biceps at the same time. He talked with his hands, and Jensen felt himself begin to harden inside his jeans at the thought of those long fingers wrapped around his dick.
His musings came to an end as Jared stopped talking and walking outside a non-descript door in a typical New York apartment building. He inserted the key in the lock and opened the door, flicking on a light as he went inside, Jensen once again following him, closing the door behind him.
“So - “ Jared got out before Jensen had him pushed up against the wall, hands fisted in the younger man’s shirt. Enough with the talking, his actions said, and Jared’s eyes widened before going dark.
“Yeah, yeah,” Jared nodded, dipping his head, searching out Jensen’s mouth.
But Jensen dodged, turning his head. No kissing. He wasn’t letting this get that intimate. This was about sex, and release, that’s all.
He looked back and Jared tried again, and once more Jensen turned away. This time Jared got the message and went lower, kissing the side of Jensen’s neck instead, hands on Jensen’s waist, pulling him against the hard planes of his body.
Jensen was helpless to stop the shudder that ran through him at the sensations and he pressed closer to Jared, letting his eyes drift shut. Too long since anyone had touched him like this…
Jared continued to kiss along his neck, his large hands drifting down to cup Jensen’s ass, rocking his hips up slightly. Jensen groaned softly at the feel of Jared’s hard cock pushing against his through their jeans and he rocked his own hips in response.
Then they were both moving, hands pulling at shirts and zippers, stripping each other right there in Jared’s living room, Jensen was once again thankful for the alcohol haze he was in, preventing him from stopping this insanity and instead just letting him feel.
Feel Jared’s large, warm hands on his skin as more and more was exposed, making him shiver, feel Jared’s mouth kissing him wetly on his neck, his chest, his stomach as he dropped to his knees in front of Jensen.
Jensen was trying to keep his eyes closed, trying to pretend the hands on his body belonged to someone else, but the first touch of Jared’s tongue on his achingly hard cock had them flying open with a gasp.
“Oh, fuck,” he groaned, as he watched his cock slide into the wetness of Jared’s mouth, feeling the suction Jared was creating, hollowing his cheeks as he bobbed his head.
It felt good, so goddamn good, and Jensen tangled his fingers in Jared’s hair as the younger man continued to suck. Jared’s tongue swirled around the head of his cock, dipped into the slit, pressed against the bundle of nerves on the underside, dragging a moan out of Jensen. This guy was fucking good, and Jensen didn’t want him to stop, but he could already feel the first stirrings of his orgasm in his balls, and he didn’t want this to be over with until he was buried inside the other man.
As if Jared could sense his thoughts, the younger man slowed, then pulled off, looking up at Jensen through half-lidded eyes, dark with lust, lips wet and pink.
“Want you,” Jared drawled huskily. “Want you to fuck me.”
Jensen’s breath caught and he nodded, feeling his dick throb at Jared’s words. “Bedroom?”
A few steps down the hall and then they were tumbling onto Jared’s bed in the moonlight, Jensen on top of the taller man. The alcohol buzz made him feel pleasantly disconnected from himself as he began to explore Jared’s long, hard body with his mouth and his hands.
Jared’s skin was smooth and warm underneath his fingertips, and he licked across taut muscles, tongue flicking over first one nipple, then the other. The younger man bucked under him at the sensation, a groan slipping from his lips, as he tightened his hold on Jensen’s hips.
Jensen groaned himself as Jared’s hard cock slid against his and he reached down between their bodies. His hand wasn’t quite big enough to wrap around both their erections, but he did his best and started jacking them both slowly.
He let his eyes slide closed, trying once again to picture a different body beneath him, a different cock pressed so tightly against his own. But every pleasurable sound Jared made pulled his eyes open and he found himself wanting to hear the younger man make more, in spite of himself.
So he stroked them faster, swiping his thumb over the leaking head of Jared’s cock and was rewarded with a breathless, “Fuck, yeah,” from him, as Jared tried to pump his hips.
“Feels so good, Jensen,” Jared panted. “Want more…want you inside me…wanna come when you’re in me…”
Jensen squeezed both their dicks hard at Jared’s words, stilling his motions, staving off both their impending orgasms with twin groans.
“Do you have…?” Jensen trailed off.
Jared nodded, reaching over and slapping the top of his bedside table. Jensen shifted, letting go of their cocks to open up the drawer, withdrawing a small tube of lube and a condom.
He set the condom on the table, flicked open the lube with his thumb and coated several of his fingers before setting the tube next to the condom.
He moved off of Jared and the taller man raised up his legs, bending them at the knee, spreading them open wide. Jensen sucked in a breath at the sight of the handsome man laid out before him - Jared’s chest rising and falling with quick breaths, skin beginning to shine with a slight sheen of sweat, tongue flicking out to wet his lips, and his eyes - wide and nearly all pupil now, pinning him with a gaze filled with want and desire.
He’s beautiful.
Jensen froze there, suspended, as the unbidden thought penetrated his hazy mind, shocking him. It wasn’t supposed to be like this…
“Jensen…?”
Jensen blinked, coming back to himself at Jared’s voice.
“Jensen, please…” Jared raised his hips up, opening his legs wider, seeking Jensen’s touch.
And then Jensen was leaning over him, forcing his mind to go blank, pushing away the stray thought, letting his slick fingers caress Jared’s heavy balls before slipping lower, to tease at the other man’s entrance.
“Yeah, yeah,” Jared encouraged, and then Jensen watched as his mouth fell open, neck arching on the pillow as Jensen slowly slid his finger inside him.
Tight heat gripped Jensen’s finger as he started to stretch Jared, his cock throbbing at the thought of being surrounded by the same sensation.
Moments later Jared was asking for more and Jensen slid in a second finger, watching as Jared shifted restlessly on the bed, pushing down, trying to take more of Jensen’s fingers in.
Jensen pushed his fingers in all the way and Jared gasped. “Now! Ah, god, I’m ready…I’m ready…”
Jensen withdrew his fingers and reached for the condom, but Jared beat him to it.
“Let me,” Jared said, drawing Jensen up and between his spread legs, tearing open the foil packet.
He reached out and stroked Jensen, spreading the pre-come around the head of his cock and Jensen let his head fall back as Jared slowly rolled the latex down his erection and slicked him up with lube, making putting on a condom more sexy than it should ever be.
“Turn over?” he said when Jared was finished.
But Jared shook his head. “Want it like this. Wanna watch you…”
Jensen swallowed at Jared unknowingly making this more difficult for him by having to look at Jared’s face instead of his back. He felt things slipping out of control as it was, the alcohol no longer blurring things enough. But all he could do was nod, determined to keep his eyes closed this time and not think about Jared, but Ryan instead. He had to…
Then Jensen was moving, changing position between Jared’s legs, his cock pressed against Jared’s opening. His green eyes searched out hazel ones, saw Jared nod and smile and then he was pushing forward…
Jensen felt it the moment Jared’s body opened for him, the ring of muscle giving, just the head of his cock sliding inside. He couldn’t help the gasp as Jared’s body gripped him so tightly, then the younger man’s hands were on his forearms, squeezing.
“Keep going…ahh, don’t stop, don’t stop…” Jared was rambling, lifting his hips up, trying to get more of Jensen inside him.
So Jensen kept pushing, working himself inside with short thrusts, stretching Jared open wide until the other man’s balls were almost brushing the base of his cock.
He held himself perfectly still then, breathing harshly in tandem with Jared, giving the younger man time to adjust and himself time to will away the desire to come instantly. So long since he’d done this…
Then Jared was lifting up his legs, wrapping them around Jensen’s waist, the heel of one foot in the small of Jensen’s back, pushing, bringing Jensen inside him that final inch.
“God!” Jared threw back his head. “Jensen…Jensen…”
Taking that as his cue, Jensen bit his bottom lip as he withdrew nearly all the way out of Jared’s body before pushing back in with one smooth stroke, again and again, setting up a rhythm. Jared met him stroke for stroke, lifting up his hips, clenching down with his internal muscles, dragging a deep groan from Jensen as he closed his eyes, trying to picture another face beneath him.
But it was like Jared was a mind reader, that he knew Jensen was trying to retreat into a fantasy, into memory, and he refused to let him, keeping Jensen grounded in the present with him instead by constantly talking to him. It was a litany of Jensen’s name and harder, more, faster, anything to keep Jensen’s eyes open and attention on him.
And it worked. God help him, but it worked, despite how much he fought it. There was just something about Jared’s voice, and the look in his eyes… Jensen just let himself go, gave up the battle, let himself give in to the sensations coursing through his body, this intimacy he hadn’t felt in over a year.
“Yeah…yeah,” Jared smiled up at him when Jensen locked eyes with him and didn’t look away. “God, you feel so good, Jensen…so fucking good… God, deeper…please…”
Jensen leaned down, changing the angle of his penetration, pushing in just a bit harder, a bit deeper - and hit that spot inside Jared. The younger man jerked underneath him, crying out sharply, clenching around Jensen’s cock even harder, and Jensen was suddenly right there, at the precipice of release.
He gasped at the force at which his orgasm started to overtake him with the sudden tightening of his balls, the lightening coiling at the base of his spine, only moments away from climax.
“Jared,” he ground out, speaking the younger man’s name for the first time since meeting him in the bar. It should’ve felt strange to Jensen, saying this man’s name during sex instead of another, but it came out as natural as breathing.
The younger man’s eyes were blown wide and fucked out as he looked up at Jensen, his hairline wet with sweat now, and Jensen could tell by the expression on his face that Jared was close to his release as well.
“Yeah, yeah, that’s it,” Jensen encouraged him, snaking a hand between their bodies, wrapping his fingers around Jared’s rock hard erection. “C’mon, Jared, c’mon…”
Jared yelled out as Jensen started stroking him, his back arching. “Yes! Oh fuck, oh fuck,” Jared rambled, “Gonna come, oh god, I’m gonna come…”
And then he was, his cock pulsing in Jensen’s grip as his orgasm washed over him, coating Jensen’s fingers and his own chest in thick, white ropes.
Above him, Jensen watched as Jared came apart, watched him shake, and Jesus Christ, the sounds he was making, combined with the feel of Jared’s body clamping down around him - Jensen was done.
He pushed in deep, once, twice, the guttural moan torn from his throat as he climaxed, coming inside Jared, long and hard, closing his eyes against the white spots filling his vision.
He sagged as the last of his release filled the condom, trembling a little with the aftershocks, feeling Jared’s body tremble around him. He was trying to get his breathing under control when he felt Jared’s hand cup the side of his face, his thumb rubbing gently. He opened his eyes to see the younger man smiling up at him with such tenderness that he felt his throat close up and he was unable to speak.
The last of Jensen’s strength was leaving him, his arms no longer able to hold him up and he felt himself start to tip to the side.
“Whoa, whoa,” he heard Jared say, then strong hands were on his upper arms, steadying him.
He blinked open heavy eyes as Jared asked, “You okay?”
Jensen nodded wordlessly, then slowly began to pull out of Jared’s body. As his softening cock slipped free, Jared made a quiet noise at the loss. Jensen removed the condom, tying it off, as the younger man reached down beside the bed and snagged a discarded shirt, using it to clean off his chest.
He pushed the small bedside trash can toward Jensen and he leaned over, tossing the used condom in, nearly toppling off the bed in the process. Too much booze and now sex - exhaustion swept over Jensen in waves. He caught himself on the edge of the bed just as Jared did as well.
“You sure you’re all right?”
Jensen could hear the concern in Jared’s voice and he turned his head to look at the other man. Now that the haze of sex and alcohol was beginning to disperse, the reality of what he’d just done - picked up a stranger in a bar and fucked him - was beginning to set in. He needed to get out of here, now.
“ ‘m fine,” he replied slowly, his movements sluggish as he tried to swing his legs off the side of the bed. He’d no more than gotten to his feet, his head spinning a bit, when Jared caught his wrist.
“Wait,” the younger man said quietly. “Stay?”
Before Jensen could wrap his mind around the request, Jared continued.
“You’re wrecked. You shouldn’t be trying to get home like this. So stay…please? And just sleep.”
He looked down at the other man, and the combination of Jared’s expression, soft and open, his body warm and flushed in the aftermath of sex, his thumb rubbing gently on Jensen’s wrist, the bone-deep lethargy coursing through his body and the thought of going home alone to his cold and empty apartment had him speaking the word before he could stop himself.
“Okay.”
Jared’s smile was warm at his answer and he tugged on Jensen’s wrist. “C’mon,” he said, moving on the bed so that he could pull the covers back.
Jensen sank down gratefully onto the sheets, warm with their body heat, laid his head on the pillow and curled over onto his side. Deep down he knew staying here was a mistake, but the pull of sleep was too strong to fight common sense.
He felt the bed dip as Jared got off and walked out of the room, then he heard running water from down the hall. Just as he was about to drift off, Jared was back, his hand on Jensen’s shoulder.
“Here, take these,” Jared said softly as Jensen opened his eyes, to see several aspirin in one of Jared’s hands, a glass of water in the other.
Jensen could only stare in disbelief that this man would care about his hangover, when Jensen was essentially a stranger to him, someone he’d brought home for sex.
Jensen took the offered aspirin and water, swallowed them both down. “Thanks, I - “ he trailed off.
Jared shrugged, gave a half smile. “Just don’t want to see you hurting in the morning.”
He took back the glass and Jensen laid his head back down, asleep before Jared returned to the bedroom.
~~~~~
The nightmare came that night.
As Jensen expected it would, today of all days, but still, even if you know it’s coming, there’s little you can do to prepare yourself for it.
He was back in the building, fire everywhere. Red and yellow flames licking and burning. The walls, the ceiling. It wanted to burn them, too. Thick smoke and the heat - god, the heat. Getting hard to breathe, going to run out of air. Don’t want to leave him, don’t want to leave him. He’s yelling at you, telling you to go. You don’t have a choice, you know you have to. The explosion, moments later. Picking you up and slamming you down. He’s gone…
Jensen woke with a gasp, his body jerking, a choked off “Ry-“ escaping his lips as he sat up and looked around wildly, disoriented.
Then a warm hand was on his shoulder, Jared sitting up next to him. “Hey, hey, it’s okay,” he said gently, voice deep with sleep.
Jensen blinked and took a shaky breath, coming back to himself, remembering where he was. Jared was rubbing his arm, the motion soothing.
“Sorry,” Jensen apologized, lying back down. “Didn’t mean to wake you.”
Jared shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. Nightmare?”
Jensen nodded in response, staring at the ceiling.
“Wanna talk about it?” Jared asked, lying down as well, on his side facing Jensen.
Jensen turned his head, again surprised at Jared and his concern for him. “I lost someone,” Jensen replied simply, quietly.
And again those hazel eyes seemed to already know, like Jared had somehow already figured it out.
“I’m sorry,” Jared whispered, and moments later Jensen was asleep, Jared’s hand resting over his heart.
~~~~~
The next time Jensen woke it was to something much more pleasant - to the sensation of Jared kissing his way down Jensen’s neck, over to his shoulder, then down his back, slow and sensual.
Jensen had had every intention to get up and just leave this morning, but with the way Jared was making his body feel, now brushing a thumb over his nipple, and still craving the touch of someone, Jensen instead arched back against Jared’s hard body.
He felt Jared smile against his skin at his action. “You look so good,” he breathed into Jensen’s ear, making him shiver. “You feel so good…”
Jared’s fingers gently pinched Jensen’s nipple and Jensen jerked, the sensation shooting straight down to his cock. “Jared…” he moaned, feeling himself start to harden.
“Yeah, that’s it,” Jared murmured against his neck, giving Jensen’s nipple another squeeze before his hand started wandering - across his chest, down his abs to his stomach, to tease the fine hair below his navel, then back up again.
“Mmmm….” Jensen sighed at the touch, both soothing and turning him on at the same time, and he wanted more of it. He pressed back into Jared again, this time feeling the heat of Jared’s erection like a brand in the small of his back.
Jared sucked in a breath and rocked his hips and Jensen dropped his head back against Jared’s shoulder as the younger man’s questing fingers just brushed the tip of Jensen’s cock.
“More…” Jensen exhaled, then groaned deeply as Jared reached between his legs and cupped his heavy balls in his wide palm.
Jensen shifted, lifting up his top leg, bent at the knee, spreading himself open for Jared, and the other man took complete advantage of the new position. He fondled Jensen’s balls, rolling them, tugging gently, pulling another moan from Jensen.
“Like that, eh?” Jared smiled.
“God yeah…feels good…”
“How ‘bout this, then?” Jared asked, as his fingers slipped back behind Jensen’s balls, rubbing at the skin there.
Another electric current shot its way through Jensen’s body, his cock jerking as Jared stimulated him there.
“Fuck,” Jensen swore, then Jared’s long finger was moving even further back, sliding against Jensen’s entrance.
“Can I?” Jared breathed, finger pushing gently against the puckered muscle.
Jensen’s heartbeat quickened and he gave a shaky nod. “Y-Yeah. But…it’s been a long time.”
“It’s okay, we’ll take it slow,” Jared replied, kissing along Jensen’s neck again. “Now don’t move…”
Jared rolled away from Jensen and he heard the bedside drawer opening and closing, then the younger man was back, slicking up his fingers. He moved toward the end of the bed and Jensen rolled onto his back and raised up both legs, bent at the knee. Jared settled himself between Jensen’s spread legs, one hand on Jensen’s knee, the other drifting between his legs.
Jared smiled at him just as he felt his finger, cool with gel, rubbing against his entrance. Jensen sucked in a breath and nodded at the younger man, and then he was pressing his head back into the pillow as Jared’s finger breeched him.
It was uncomfortable just for a moment, his body remembering what this felt like, how good it felt, and he was relaxing as Jared started slowly sliding his finger in and out, stretching him.
“Jesus, Jensen, you’re so tight. Am I hurting you?”
Jensen shook his head. “No, feels good. You can go faster, a little harder.” Then he bit his lip as Jared complied. “Mmmm…yeah…” he sighed.
“God, you look so good like this,” Jared murmured, bending over Jensen’s upper body, supporting himself with a hand next to Jensen’s shoulder. Then he dipped his head and licked Jensen’s nipple.
Jensen couldn’t help the small groan and he pressed down against Jared’s finger as he tangled his hands in Jared’s long hair. “Don’t stop,” he breathed.
And Jared didn’t, licking and sucking on Jensen’s nipple as he continued to stretch him open, driving Jensen higher and higher with the dual stimulation. And when Jared slid in a second finger, Jensen thought he’d fly apart.
His hips were moving restlessly on the bed, trying to get some kind of friction on his rock hard cock and bearing down on Jared’s fingers, trying to get them deeper. And then they were, hitting that spot that had Jensen crying out sharply, neck arching on the pillow.
So Jared did it again, raising his head up from Jensen’s chest as Jensen bucked beneath him, putting his mouth close to Jensen’s ear.
“Want you to ride me, Jensen,” he growled. “Wanna see you on top of me…”
“Christ,” Jensen swore, his mind flooded with the mental image Jared’s words had conjured up and he had to reach between their bodies to squeeze his cock hard to stop himself from coming right then and there.
Jared chuckled. “I take it you like the idea?”
“God, yeah,” Jensen panted, practically shaking with the need to have Jared inside him. “I’m good, I’m ready…”
Jared smiled at him again and withdrew his fingers, leaving Jensen feeling empty and open. Jared moved back up the bed and sat with his back against the headboard next to Jensen, tearing open the condom packet. Jensen sat up and reached for the lube as Jared rolled the latex on himself, handing the tube to the younger man. Jared applied the lube liberally to his cock, then Jensen was straddling Jared’s body, his own cock jutting out proudly, hard and aching for release.
Jared’s hands settled on Jensen’s ass, gently holding and spreading him open as Jensen reached behind himself to take Jared’s cock in his hand, bringing it to press against his opening. He took a second to just rub the head against the puckered muscle, teasing himself and Jared, before pressing down.
Even with Jared’s fingers having stretched him, the burn as the head of Jared’s cock breeched his body caused Jensen to suck in a quick breath. But underneath the spike of pain was a feeling of fullness that Jensen loved, and he wanted all of Jared inside him.
Jared’s cock was proportionate to his body - long and hard and thick, and Jensen worked himself down with short movements, hands braced on the headboard, bottom lip caught between his teeth as Jared filled him.
“Yeah, that’s it…take it slow…god, you feel amazing,” Jared rambled, still spreading Jensen open. “Almost there…just a little more…c’mon, take all of me in…wanna be all the way in you, Jensen…”
“Oh god,” Jensen panted as Jared’s cock slipped in the last inch. “So fucking big…feel so full…god…”
Jensen remained still for a moment, eyes closed, letting his body adjust, stretch around Jared’s cock as the other man’s hands shifted from his ass to grip his hips.
As the burn of penetration subsided, Jensen opened his eyes to see wide hazel ones looking back, feeling ripped bare by the intense gaze sweeping up and down his body. Then Jared locked eyes with him, voice pitched deep.
“C’mon, Jensen…ride me…”
And then Jensen was raising himself up on his knees, feeling Jared’s cock slide out of his body until only the head remained inside, before sinking back down in one smooth motion.
Both men groaned and Jared’s hands tightened on Jensen’s hips as Jensen started a smooth, quick rhythm, raising himself up and down on Jared’s cock, pushing down a little harder each time.
And this time Jensen didn’t try and retreat into a fantasy, or memory. He locked eyes with Jared, staring at Jensen with an expression so deep it felt like it was burning him, but he couldn’t look away. He was right there, in the moment with Jared, realizing that the younger man was awakening something inside him he thought he’d never feel again.
The air was filled with quick, panting breaths as Jensen continued to ride Jared’s cock, mindless words tumbling from both their mouths as they drove one another higher and higher. The head of Jensen’s cock was angry red and wet with pre-come and he felt the beginnings of his orgasm start deep inside.
His rhythm started to falter and immediately Jared’s strong arms were helping him lift himself up and down.
“You almost there, Jensen?” Jared breathed harshly. “You gonna come?”
Jensen nodded, biting his lip. “Close, ‘m so close,” he panted. “Just…a little more…”
And then he was crying out sharply as Jared bucked his hips, driving his cock in further than before, sliding against Jensen’s prostate.
“Fuck, yeah, that’s it,” Jared exhaled, repeating the motion, and one of Jensen’s hands slipped down from the headboard to clutch at Jared’s shoulder.
“Jared…Jared,” Jensen rambled, sparks racing up and down his spine as Jared’s cock continued to stimulate his prostate as he pushed down against it.
“Feel so good…so tight…wanna feel you come, Jensen…”
And then Jensen was flying apart, Jared’s hand wrapping itself around his cock, pulling once, twice - and Jensen was coming. His orgasm surged through him, his cock pulsing long and hard in Jared’s grasp, painting the younger man’s hand and chest with thick ropes of semen.
He called out Jared’s name as he came, eyes squeezed closed, head thrown back, feeling Jared’s hips still pumping, quick, sharp thrusts of his cock inside him.
“Jensen! Oh god, yeah,” Jared ground out, pushing Jensen down hard, holding him there as he came, too, eyes closing, mouth falling open.
Jensen couldn’t stop the moan as he felt Jared’s cock pulse deep within him, his own twitching at the stimulation, releasing a few more drops of semen. He sagged forward then, as Jared’s climax subsided, pleasurable tiredness taking over his body, his other hand now resting on Jared’s shoulder, too.
They remained that way for a long moment, calming their breathing, then Jared once again cupped the side of Jensen’s face, his features soft, smiling up at Jensen.
And Jensen…
Smiled back.
~~~~~
“So…umm,” Jared started as they finished cleaning themselves up, “Would you like to stay for breakfast?”
Needing to be alone for a while, his thoughts and feelings a mess inside his head, Jensen shook his head in response. “Thanks, but, umm…I’ve got a lot of stuff I need to do today. I’d better get going,” he finished, reaching for his clothes that Jared must’ve folded and put on the bedside chair after he’d fallen asleep last night. And once again Jensen was struck by Jared’s thoughtfulness to a stranger.
Jensen quickly pulled on boxers and pants and his shirt, then stuffed his feet in his boots. Straightening up, he ran a hand through his messy, spiky hair, shifting awkwardly as he looked at Jared, still sitting naked on the bed, sheet bunched around his thighs.
Jensen swallowed, unsure of what to even say. It wasn’t like he made a habit of picking up men in a bar and having to deal with the morning after. Saving Jensen from any embarrassment, Jared spoke first, just as Jensen opened his mouth.
“Listen, I know this was just supposed to be sex, what we both wanted last night,” Jared began, speaking softly. “But I think there’s something more here now, between us, and I think you can feel it, too.” He paused, looking away from Jensen then back again. “I just - I want to see you again. I want to get to know you, Jensen.”
Jensen’s jaw clicked shut at Jared’s words and it took him a moment to find his voice. “Jared, I…” he began, the tone in his voice causing Jared to speak up again.
“I’m sorry,” Jared broke in, disappointment crossing his face. “I was reading too much into things…”
Jensen shook his head. “No, it’s not that. You weren’t wrong. Last night and this morning was…it was…” he trailed off, ducking his head, feeling his face flush and he heard Jared chuckle. Then he looked back up again, voice serious. “But…I don’t know if I’m ready for a relationship right now.”
Jared looked thoughtful. “That person you lost?”
Jensen nodded. “Yeah,” he replied quietly.
“Well…can I maybe give you my phone number, in case you change your mind?”
Jensen gave him a small smile. “Sure,” he answered, seeing the hope on Jared’s face as the younger man grabbed a piece of paper and a pen from the bedside table and scribbled quickly on it. Jensen reached out and took the paper, and with a small nod, turned and left Jared’s apartment, but not before looking back at the gorgeous man one last time.
~~~~~
The late afternoon summer sun was streaming in through Jensen’s bedroom as he sat at his desk, books and papers spread out before him. He was supposed to be doing his homework, but his mind kept drifting to Jared, replaying the events of the previous night and this morning over and over in his head.
Thoughts and feelings tumbling inside his head, he turned to look at the photo sitting on the corner of his desk. He picked it up, rubbed his thumb over the face of the smiling man. Tom had been telling him it was time for him to move on, but up until this point he’d never felt ready for another relationship, like he’d be betraying Ryan.
His eyes shifted to the scrap of paper lying next to the phone. Maybe it was time to take a chance.
~~~~~
Later that evening, sitting out on his balcony under the stars, Jensen took a deep breath and punched Jared’s number into his phone.
“Hello?”
Jensen swallowed. “Umm, hi. It’s Jensen.”
“Jensen!” He could practically see Jared’s smile over the phone. “Wow, I’m really glad you called.”
“Jared, listen…I want to get to know you, too, but…I don’t know where I want this to go,” Jensen told the younger man honestly.
“Hey, it’s okay. I understand,” Jared replied sincerely. “We can take things slow, as strange as that sounds now.”
They shared a laugh at that, and Jensen felt himself begin to relax. A few moments later they were talking about Texas and their families. Jensen learned that Jared also had a younger sister and older brother and soon they were telling stories about growing up, being the middle child.
A good hour later, still talking about Richardson and San Antonio, Jared’s call waiting went off. He clicked over and came back to Jensen a minute later - it was his momma, she always calls on Sunday and he’d better talk to her. Jensen laughed, understanding completely.
“So hey, can I call you tomorrow night?” Jared asked tentatively.
Jensen smiled into the phone. “Yeah, I’d like that. ‘Night, Jared.”
“Awesome. ‘Night, Jensen.”
As Jensen hung up the phone he felt something loosen inside his chest, like the door to his heart had opened once again.
~~~~~
PART TWO...(angst coming up!)