Something is beginning to come to pass that I have always felt would not work for me... I'm beginning to write in regular stints for short amounts of time
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My dearest, I was not there at the time, but I am very proud of those early accomplishments, and many later ones too. It is/was one hell of an achievement for a teenager. And your mother... if she was more like you she would have benefited from getting out of single mother mode, from having someone else in the picture that she would respect and listen to, who said, "Wow," and made her think. As to fighting yourself, you are a formidable opponent, even your 16-year-old self... but the woman you are today is so much more formidable... so you've got yourself beat.
Thanks, Darling. I think you are right on... A lot of her mistakes came from how isolated she kept herself. I don't think she ever understood just how harsh she was being. In her mind she was giving me support. And truth be told, it was probably more support than she ever got in her own life.
Man, I do fight with myself a lot, though, don't I? ;)
Thank *you* for all the wonderful support you give me. I am so lucky not to have the same concerns of yesteryear.
It's amazing how much influence bad memories of persons important to us can have on our whole life. I have never accomplished anything of the kind you have done, but I remember a similar incident when I had just been reading a none too easy book (though still not "real" literature) and it was really making me think. I wanted to talk to my Mum about it but the moment I said which book it was, she snapped "Don't you ever read something real?" I took years to again approach her with anything that occupied my mind. She probably didn't mean it, she was busy with something else and might not even have noticed what I was trying to say. She likely doesn't even remember the incident. But I have it still vividly in my mind, and I think it influences me still. I can rarely talk about anything that concerns me.
As someone who is thinking of having a child in the next couple of years, I do find myself thinking of these things more from the other angle. I know it's inevitable that some casual comment that I wasn't even thinking about is going to have a profound impact on my child. Though I suppose it's really the build up of these behaviors over time that are the real problem, we just have these stand-out memories to hang our feelings on.
I know it's inevitable that some casual comment that I wasn't even thinking about is going to have a profound impact on my child. *nods* That's one of the things that impresses me about people deciding to have children. They know what a huge thing it is to have that much responsibility for another person's whole life, but they do it anyway. (And for good reasons, though I can't see myself following in that direction...) For all the snide comments my parents made to me over time, even though some of them still hurt years later, I never doubted that they love me and once I was out of the worst self-doubt of puberty I could see that some remarks were intended to help me, though the effect wasn't quite what was intended. (We do have a saying that well-meant is the opposite of well-done, and it applies rather often.)
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Man, I do fight with myself a lot, though, don't I? ;)
Thank *you* for all the wonderful support you give me. I am so lucky not to have the same concerns of yesteryear.
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I have never accomplished anything of the kind you have done, but I remember a similar incident when I had just been reading a none too easy book (though still not "real" literature) and it was really making me think. I wanted to talk to my Mum about it but the moment I said which book it was, she snapped "Don't you ever read something real?"
I took years to again approach her with anything that occupied my mind. She probably didn't mean it, she was busy with something else and might not even have noticed what I was trying to say. She likely doesn't even remember the incident. But I have it still vividly in my mind, and I think it influences me still. I can rarely talk about anything that concerns me.
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As someone who is thinking of having a child in the next couple of years, I do find myself thinking of these things more from the other angle. I know it's inevitable that some casual comment that I wasn't even thinking about is going to have a profound impact on my child. Though I suppose it's really the build up of these behaviors over time that are the real problem, we just have these stand-out memories to hang our feelings on.
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*nods*
That's one of the things that impresses me about people deciding to have children. They know what a huge thing it is to have that much responsibility for another person's whole life, but they do it anyway. (And for good reasons, though I can't see myself following in that direction...)
For all the snide comments my parents made to me over time, even though some of them still hurt years later, I never doubted that they love me and once I was out of the worst self-doubt of puberty I could see that some remarks were intended to help me, though the effect wasn't quite what was intended. (We do have a saying that well-meant is the opposite of well-done, and it applies rather often.)
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