musesandlyrics | 2.1. Bruce Willis quote
2.1. "You can't undo the past... but you can certainly not repeat it."
Bruce Willis
Co-written with aussielawyer
[Follows THIS, THIS, THIS and THIS]
Opening the door and finding Mark there had Ali just standing and staring at him. She couldn't wrap her head around the fact she had begged her ex for help with her fiance. But he had answered and he had come. Despite everything, he was there to help her. She looked awful. Her hair was a mess and her tear-stained face was blotchy to match her eyes that were red from tiredness and crying. It was on the tip of her tongue to apologise and tell him she was fine, didn't need his help. But that was just foolish, and selfish, and she couldn't deny she was relieved to see him that. A tiny glimmer of familiarity through the hazy dark cloud of depression. And for the briefest of moments, her mind let her jump back to a time when she actually trusted him enough and loved him enough to catch her when she fell. Was it too much to ask now, after everything? "I-I didn't know what else to do," she told him in a pleading whisper.
Mark stepped forward and rested his hand on her arm. It was just a gesture of comfort, but no more was forthcoming. He didn't want to get her angry. "It's okay, love," he assured her. "Just try and take some slow breaths. Tell me what you need." He couldn't believe himself that he had actually dropped everything and come. She sounded terrified on the phone, and too upset to even explain what was going on. All he could glean was that something had happened to the paramedic, and something she clearly didn't think calling an ambulance for was a good idea. At first, when he had heard her distressed pleas on the other end of the line, he immediately assumed it was Jamie and something terrible had happened. Why else would she be calling him? It was still a question he had no answer to. But the time for questions like that would have to be later.
Ali was shaking all over, and she couldn't seem to stop. She leaned in against him, gripping his shirt and using him to stay upright. She tried to ignore that he smelt so familiar, but she couldn't help it. They had been together for a long time, and had shared a lot of special memories before it all went bad. She sucked in some heavy breaths, determined to not break down in more tears again. It wasn't helping that her stomach was hurting and it was the first time she linked it to the ache in her chest. "Andrew... he's..." She stopped and pulled back, realising she was trying to hug him. "Why are you here? Why am I telling you this? Why are you even going to care what happens to him?"
Mark's gut clenched, but it wasn't like he expected this to come easy. Old water still streamed under their bridge, maybe always would. He never expected her to trust him again. "Because he's the Dad of my kid?" he suggested quietly. "Because you're upset and I want to help. Because you need help. Because I do still care about you. Because I'm not who I used to be and don't actually want to spitefully see you suffer because he has you and I don't. Because I know he makes you happy. Because I can't handle living with the knowledge you hate me and I just want to try and make amends. But that aside, you called me for help, and that is the only reason right now that I am here."
"How much do you know?" Ali asked him weakly, searching his blue eyes for answers. "About me, about him, about everything."
Mark shook his head. "Not everything," he conceded and dropped his hand from her arm to take hers, holding it gently. Her generous diamond engagement ring pressed against his palm, but he didn't let himself be dragged back to the past. This was the present and it was only possible to move forward. To make amends, he had to make amends with who she was now, not who she was back then when she was the love of his life. Now she was the love of someone else's life, someone who needed him to be a man and help without punishing him for merely having Ali how he had once wanted her. "Most of it I only just found out the other day when James told me. Before, I only knew you were seeing a paramedic, who was... was taking care of the baby. But now I... I know you're engaged to him, and that he lives here with you. I know that he's Australian, but apparently doesn't have the accent anymore. I know he has been the father to Jamie that she deserves. I know you were expecting your second baby, his baby, but that it died and you were in hospital for a few days following it. Ali, I'm so sorry."
Ali had to give into the tears again. She stabbed him lightly in the chest with her fingertip, but there was no force behind it. "Everyone keeps saying that," she sobbed. "Everyone keeps saying how amazing a daddy he is for my baby girl, and they're right. They're so right. But you know what always goes without saying but is the very reason he was able to do that? Because he was the right man for me. He was sweet and kind and caring when I had no one fucking else to catch me. He didn't expect anything. He didn't want me to give him anything and he didn't want me to be anything I couldn't be or wasn't ready to be. He loved me unconditionally and when I broke, he stayed. He stayed, he held me, and he picked up the pieces." She paused, drawing in a shaky breath and clenching her jaw to try and keep a hold of her composure. "He isn't just 'the paramedic' who happened to be the next serious relationship I had after you broke my fucking heart. He is my world, and he reminds me love doesn't suck, and how it feels to be so special to someone that they tell me I'm beautiful when I look horrible and that I'm amazing even when I'm fucking up. He reminded me how to laugh and showed me that I could be a good mother when I hardly even knew how to hold her properly. And we were going to have a baby. I had his baby inside me and I killed it. We were going to get married and have our family together. The way he smiled when he knew that he was going to be a father and had been given the chance to do what he missed with Jamie, what you had and threw away. Our baby died and his world fell apart, and I didn't even see it because I had my head so far up my arse I missed the signs that he finally needed me just as much as I needed him!" she finally ended, the words falling out of her with the little breath she had left and she slumped against the wall, sliding down it and burying her face into her knees to try and hide from the pain all her words just stirred up.
Through her whole reaction, Mark had listened, not missing a single word of it. Inwardly, he was reeling. It was like he had been shoved on a rollercoaster he had been terrified about experiencing and then couldn't get off. Until she stopped. He knew as he listened that he would never have been able to fill in all those gaps. He had still harboured a jealously that Andrew had hooked her when he hadn't been able to, and a regret that he had lost for being such an arsehole. But the more she spoke, the more he realised how much things had changed, and how much Ali's life had thrived without him. It was exactly as it should be, even if it came with terrible heartache and loss. She had found what she had searched so hard for, had wanted with Mark but just not as quick as he did. As he crouched down in front of her and tried to coax her to lift her head to look at him, he just knew that it was finally time to close the book on their past and bridge that gap. "Ali," he murmured. "He needs you now. Tell me what has happened so I can help, okay? Tell me why you called for help."
Ali lifted her head. "He's been drinking," she revealed hoarsely. "He's an alcoholic. Or was. He had been sober for a year and a half. He started drinking when his Dad died in a car crash. He was driving, Andrew was the passenger. He was in the car when a drunk driver centre-punched the driver's side and killed his father on impact. Andrew was trapped in the car with his father for a long time. Being a paramedic, he blamed himself that he couldn't save his own father, and the grief caused him to start drinking to numb the pain. It got so bad he drunk himself off the scale one night and had been vomiting blood. His cousin found him. It was the wake up call that got him to AA and to want to get his life back. He dried out, went to stay with his cousin in London for six months. He was just back in New York a few weeks when I met him. He was my paramedic when I went into early labor with Jamie. With the-the b-baby, I was pushing him away and he couldn't reach out for me, so he reached for the bottle. I don't even know what I was doing. I failed him. I woke up earlier and found a smashed bottle of vodka on the bathroom floor. There was blood and vomit, even his cell phone was broken. But he had made it back to the bed and passed out cold. I just found him like that right before I called you. I tried calling James and Izzy, but they didn't answer. I accidentally dialled your number and I... I didn't know what else to do. He's still unconscious. I can't wake him."
Mark's eyes swept over her face. "I know you think I'm going to judge him for this, or that I'm going to be looking for any weaknesses he might have, but I'm not going to do that, Ali. Anyone can hit rock bottom when things hurt bad. I'm just as guilty of that as anyone. I'm going to help you. We'll try and wake him, sober him up a little. I'll stay until you at least know he's physically okay. I'm not going to intrude. After that, things can just go back to how they were between us. We can put it aside long enough to help him," he promised.
Ali grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "Thank you," she whispered.
All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 1,859
Bruce Willis
Co-written with aussielawyer
[Follows THIS, THIS, THIS and THIS]
Opening the door and finding Mark there had Ali just standing and staring at him. She couldn't wrap her head around the fact she had begged her ex for help with her fiance. But he had answered and he had come. Despite everything, he was there to help her. She looked awful. Her hair was a mess and her tear-stained face was blotchy to match her eyes that were red from tiredness and crying. It was on the tip of her tongue to apologise and tell him she was fine, didn't need his help. But that was just foolish, and selfish, and she couldn't deny she was relieved to see him that. A tiny glimmer of familiarity through the hazy dark cloud of depression. And for the briefest of moments, her mind let her jump back to a time when she actually trusted him enough and loved him enough to catch her when she fell. Was it too much to ask now, after everything? "I-I didn't know what else to do," she told him in a pleading whisper.
Mark stepped forward and rested his hand on her arm. It was just a gesture of comfort, but no more was forthcoming. He didn't want to get her angry. "It's okay, love," he assured her. "Just try and take some slow breaths. Tell me what you need." He couldn't believe himself that he had actually dropped everything and come. She sounded terrified on the phone, and too upset to even explain what was going on. All he could glean was that something had happened to the paramedic, and something she clearly didn't think calling an ambulance for was a good idea. At first, when he had heard her distressed pleas on the other end of the line, he immediately assumed it was Jamie and something terrible had happened. Why else would she be calling him? It was still a question he had no answer to. But the time for questions like that would have to be later.
Ali was shaking all over, and she couldn't seem to stop. She leaned in against him, gripping his shirt and using him to stay upright. She tried to ignore that he smelt so familiar, but she couldn't help it. They had been together for a long time, and had shared a lot of special memories before it all went bad. She sucked in some heavy breaths, determined to not break down in more tears again. It wasn't helping that her stomach was hurting and it was the first time she linked it to the ache in her chest. "Andrew... he's..." She stopped and pulled back, realising she was trying to hug him. "Why are you here? Why am I telling you this? Why are you even going to care what happens to him?"
Mark's gut clenched, but it wasn't like he expected this to come easy. Old water still streamed under their bridge, maybe always would. He never expected her to trust him again. "Because he's the Dad of my kid?" he suggested quietly. "Because you're upset and I want to help. Because you need help. Because I do still care about you. Because I'm not who I used to be and don't actually want to spitefully see you suffer because he has you and I don't. Because I know he makes you happy. Because I can't handle living with the knowledge you hate me and I just want to try and make amends. But that aside, you called me for help, and that is the only reason right now that I am here."
"How much do you know?" Ali asked him weakly, searching his blue eyes for answers. "About me, about him, about everything."
Mark shook his head. "Not everything," he conceded and dropped his hand from her arm to take hers, holding it gently. Her generous diamond engagement ring pressed against his palm, but he didn't let himself be dragged back to the past. This was the present and it was only possible to move forward. To make amends, he had to make amends with who she was now, not who she was back then when she was the love of his life. Now she was the love of someone else's life, someone who needed him to be a man and help without punishing him for merely having Ali how he had once wanted her. "Most of it I only just found out the other day when James told me. Before, I only knew you were seeing a paramedic, who was... was taking care of the baby. But now I... I know you're engaged to him, and that he lives here with you. I know that he's Australian, but apparently doesn't have the accent anymore. I know he has been the father to Jamie that she deserves. I know you were expecting your second baby, his baby, but that it died and you were in hospital for a few days following it. Ali, I'm so sorry."
Ali had to give into the tears again. She stabbed him lightly in the chest with her fingertip, but there was no force behind it. "Everyone keeps saying that," she sobbed. "Everyone keeps saying how amazing a daddy he is for my baby girl, and they're right. They're so right. But you know what always goes without saying but is the very reason he was able to do that? Because he was the right man for me. He was sweet and kind and caring when I had no one fucking else to catch me. He didn't expect anything. He didn't want me to give him anything and he didn't want me to be anything I couldn't be or wasn't ready to be. He loved me unconditionally and when I broke, he stayed. He stayed, he held me, and he picked up the pieces." She paused, drawing in a shaky breath and clenching her jaw to try and keep a hold of her composure. "He isn't just 'the paramedic' who happened to be the next serious relationship I had after you broke my fucking heart. He is my world, and he reminds me love doesn't suck, and how it feels to be so special to someone that they tell me I'm beautiful when I look horrible and that I'm amazing even when I'm fucking up. He reminded me how to laugh and showed me that I could be a good mother when I hardly even knew how to hold her properly. And we were going to have a baby. I had his baby inside me and I killed it. We were going to get married and have our family together. The way he smiled when he knew that he was going to be a father and had been given the chance to do what he missed with Jamie, what you had and threw away. Our baby died and his world fell apart, and I didn't even see it because I had my head so far up my arse I missed the signs that he finally needed me just as much as I needed him!" she finally ended, the words falling out of her with the little breath she had left and she slumped against the wall, sliding down it and burying her face into her knees to try and hide from the pain all her words just stirred up.
Through her whole reaction, Mark had listened, not missing a single word of it. Inwardly, he was reeling. It was like he had been shoved on a rollercoaster he had been terrified about experiencing and then couldn't get off. Until she stopped. He knew as he listened that he would never have been able to fill in all those gaps. He had still harboured a jealously that Andrew had hooked her when he hadn't been able to, and a regret that he had lost for being such an arsehole. But the more she spoke, the more he realised how much things had changed, and how much Ali's life had thrived without him. It was exactly as it should be, even if it came with terrible heartache and loss. She had found what she had searched so hard for, had wanted with Mark but just not as quick as he did. As he crouched down in front of her and tried to coax her to lift her head to look at him, he just knew that it was finally time to close the book on their past and bridge that gap. "Ali," he murmured. "He needs you now. Tell me what has happened so I can help, okay? Tell me why you called for help."
Ali lifted her head. "He's been drinking," she revealed hoarsely. "He's an alcoholic. Or was. He had been sober for a year and a half. He started drinking when his Dad died in a car crash. He was driving, Andrew was the passenger. He was in the car when a drunk driver centre-punched the driver's side and killed his father on impact. Andrew was trapped in the car with his father for a long time. Being a paramedic, he blamed himself that he couldn't save his own father, and the grief caused him to start drinking to numb the pain. It got so bad he drunk himself off the scale one night and had been vomiting blood. His cousin found him. It was the wake up call that got him to AA and to want to get his life back. He dried out, went to stay with his cousin in London for six months. He was just back in New York a few weeks when I met him. He was my paramedic when I went into early labor with Jamie. With the-the b-baby, I was pushing him away and he couldn't reach out for me, so he reached for the bottle. I don't even know what I was doing. I failed him. I woke up earlier and found a smashed bottle of vodka on the bathroom floor. There was blood and vomit, even his cell phone was broken. But he had made it back to the bed and passed out cold. I just found him like that right before I called you. I tried calling James and Izzy, but they didn't answer. I accidentally dialled your number and I... I didn't know what else to do. He's still unconscious. I can't wake him."
Mark's eyes swept over her face. "I know you think I'm going to judge him for this, or that I'm going to be looking for any weaknesses he might have, but I'm not going to do that, Ali. Anyone can hit rock bottom when things hurt bad. I'm just as guilty of that as anyone. I'm going to help you. We'll try and wake him, sober him up a little. I'll stay until you at least know he's physically okay. I'm not going to intrude. After that, things can just go back to how they were between us. We can put it aside long enough to help him," he promised.
Ali grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "Thank you," she whispered.
All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 1,859