Mom or Dad?

[masterolly]

All my life I have basically lived with my mom. It has been a very self-sufficient and independent life with little guidance, for my mom likes to pay more attention to men and their children in her own for her purist of “love”. Consequently I have always been told to help raise my brother (and did a lot of it); I have a lot of responsibilities and

Comments

[masterolly]

I have zero relatives that I know besides my immediate family (I've talked to some out of state and that's about it). I've been checking out some counselling, but it's only if my mom is willing to go through with it. Last time (8th grade, I am now a senior) the counsellor privately told her to "stop being a teenager and grow up" so she made me stop going. But whole trying to make an agreement with her might work, I could ask her to just meet him at his place instead of ours. I tried making the agreement that he wouldn't spend the night when I was there, and curfews don't work for her- she'll just stay up longer and just seeing him envading my home just creeps me out.

[bajoelarbol]

Perhaps your mom is not willing to listen to advice from anybody, but you are. If anything, seek out a counsellor for yourself and let her know about the situation, and be completely honest and thorough about your feelings. Even though you can't change your parents, at least you will have a trustworthy adult on your side.

I strongly recommend that you find a counselor for yourself.

Also, I don't know whether you participate in extracurriculars or not, but having something to do after school means you don't have to spend time at home.

I really hope things turn out alright for you. Best of luck.

[confused90]

You sound kinda like me, although my situation was slightly different. Honestly? As the first child it's down to you to stretch the boundaries (I've been there) and that's something you should discuss with your dad. He wants you with him. Tell him that you'd like to move in, but that you're used to a certain amount of independance that you wouldn't feel comfortable about loosing. Also maybe mention how unsafe you feel sometimes. If he thinks his rules are standing in the way, maybe he'll compromise? If he does, make sure that it's clear to all step siblings that mayb be close in age that any negotiating that goes on is between you and your dad. Having them bugging him to get the same treatment as you when your circumstances have been WAY different isn't going to make him change his mind.

I really hope your mum sees what she's doing

[masterolly]

Thank you for the comment and support! It helps a lot though...
Major problem though, my dad is a "spiritual leader" who hears only from God. I've tried nagotiating and so have my siblings. The first time I decided to have a boyfriend (It was late 15- early 16, not super young) he had a grudge on my for a year AFTER I broke up with him. Which was extremly unwelcoming and he would always bring it up making me feel not secure with him. He's the type of person to chastize any random person for anything, especially us.

HOWEVER have not tried telling him that this would be the reason why I wouldn't live with him. He's a stubborn fool, but maybe there could be a change of heart?

[xxsoareyu]

*HUGS*

I personally would go live with your father because while you wouldn't have a lot of freedom, you'll at least be safe. It'll probably REALLY suck but your 17 so in a few years you can move out anyways.
Good luck with whatever you choose!