30 days of writing challenge - on/tae tremble day 3
So today I'm really tired and I think this one is a little bit lame but anyway it got written. So booyah!
521 words... "Jinki starts to shake"
Follows on from accuse and restless.
Somehow... and he's really not sure how, Jinki ends up on the bed folded into Taemin's arms as though he's the one that's younger. His chest aches and his head feels like it may explode but it doesn't matter because Taemin feels so good and smells so good and Jesus is this what he's reduced to? He clutches at Taemin's tee shirt, feeling himself shaking and presses his damp face against the other man so that he doesn't have to admit he's crying.
Taemin pets his fingers through Jinki's hair, his thoughts in turmoil. It didn't feel so great to hear Jinki accuse him of being willing to use him for an orgasm... but he has to admit in the deepest recesses of his own soul that he has sometimes been pretty damned manipulative. He can feel Jinki shaking in his grasp and wishes there was something more he could do, some way he could explain himself... and most of all some way to heal this pain.
"I'm sorry," he finally says because his shirt is getting wet and he knows it can only be because Jinki is crying and it hurts to know he is the cause of this emotional break down.
Jinki wants to tell Taemin not to apologize unless he means it. He wants to tell him that he can't stay in Jinki's bed and that there's definitely nothing more between them. But it's not that easy to just push aside and bury feelings that have grown and developed over years - especially when those years included so much struggle and triumph on so many levels.
The very fact he's clinging to Taemin as he is despite all the turmoil in his mind tells the tale.
Eventually some of the immediate jagged edged broken feeling begins to subside and Jinki sighs. "I don't want you to be sorry. Exactly," he mutters into Taemin's damp tee shirt front. "Sorry it hurts? Yeah, okay. But if you're not sorry you broke up with me. If you're not sorry you wanted to... do things... with other people and ... If you're not sorry for those things then... don't bother." His voice is small and cracked and he feels utterly exhausted.
Taemin sighs and shifts a little, but still keeps Jinki wrapped in his arms. "I've been in love with you almost my whole life, Jinki. I had to be sure it really was love and not... something else. I had to be sure of myself... how can I ask you to be sure of me if I'm not sure of myself." He says the words as quietly as he can, not trying to set off more anger and pain between them.
Jinki sighs and stretches out slightly against Taemin's body. "How am I supposed to trust you now?" he asks plaintively.
"I'll figure it out. We will. I mean,... if you want to." Taemin replies slowly. He shifts in the tangled covers, cuddling against Jinki's body.
"Taemin," Jinki says without really answering the question. He closes his eyes and and lets himself simply bask in the feeling of Taemin's presence.
Restless, Accuse
521 words... "Jinki starts to shake"
Follows on from accuse and restless.
Somehow... and he's really not sure how, Jinki ends up on the bed folded into Taemin's arms as though he's the one that's younger. His chest aches and his head feels like it may explode but it doesn't matter because Taemin feels so good and smells so good and Jesus is this what he's reduced to? He clutches at Taemin's tee shirt, feeling himself shaking and presses his damp face against the other man so that he doesn't have to admit he's crying.
Taemin pets his fingers through Jinki's hair, his thoughts in turmoil. It didn't feel so great to hear Jinki accuse him of being willing to use him for an orgasm... but he has to admit in the deepest recesses of his own soul that he has sometimes been pretty damned manipulative. He can feel Jinki shaking in his grasp and wishes there was something more he could do, some way he could explain himself... and most of all some way to heal this pain.
"I'm sorry," he finally says because his shirt is getting wet and he knows it can only be because Jinki is crying and it hurts to know he is the cause of this emotional break down.
Jinki wants to tell Taemin not to apologize unless he means it. He wants to tell him that he can't stay in Jinki's bed and that there's definitely nothing more between them. But it's not that easy to just push aside and bury feelings that have grown and developed over years - especially when those years included so much struggle and triumph on so many levels.
The very fact he's clinging to Taemin as he is despite all the turmoil in his mind tells the tale.
Eventually some of the immediate jagged edged broken feeling begins to subside and Jinki sighs. "I don't want you to be sorry. Exactly," he mutters into Taemin's damp tee shirt front. "Sorry it hurts? Yeah, okay. But if you're not sorry you broke up with me. If you're not sorry you wanted to... do things... with other people and ... If you're not sorry for those things then... don't bother." His voice is small and cracked and he feels utterly exhausted.
Taemin sighs and shifts a little, but still keeps Jinki wrapped in his arms. "I've been in love with you almost my whole life, Jinki. I had to be sure it really was love and not... something else. I had to be sure of myself... how can I ask you to be sure of me if I'm not sure of myself." He says the words as quietly as he can, not trying to set off more anger and pain between them.
Jinki sighs and stretches out slightly against Taemin's body. "How am I supposed to trust you now?" he asks plaintively.
"I'll figure it out. We will. I mean,... if you want to." Taemin replies slowly. He shifts in the tangled covers, cuddling against Jinki's body.
"Taemin," Jinki says without really answering the question. He closes his eyes and and lets himself simply bask in the feeling of Taemin's presence.
Restless, Accuse