Accusation On/Tae 30 Day Writing Challenge
894 words of more angsty goodness. 2nd day.
1st day RESTLESS
"So..." Jinki begins, pulling Taemin into his room as everyone is crawling into bed to catch whatever sleep is available. His face is serious and there's a look there that Taemin can't interpret even though he thinks he's seen every expression Jinki has ever worn.
Jinki lets go of Taemin's elbow and the expression morphs into something closer to a frown. He unconsciously drags his palm against his shirt front then drops onto the bed.
"What do you want to do?" he asks finally, briskly, tearing his eyes away from Taemin's face and dropping his gaze onto the speckled pattern of his comforter.
Taemin swallows, pushing the door closed with his shoulder and then leaning against it. "About what, exactly?" he asks. It sounds obnoxious, but it's not meant to be. It's just... confusion swirling around in the air between them.
Jinki shoots him a sudden sharp glance, a ripple of deeply banked anger spiking the look before he forces himself to look away again. "You are the one showing up in my room at night, Taemin," he answers as calmly as he can manage. "Am I wrong to assume that means you want something?"
A sigh spills from Taemin's lips and he kicks at the floor with his socked foot. The way Jinki says that, that Taemin wants something makes his hackles want to rise up, makes him want to defend himself. But, he doesn't want to fight with Jinki. And he's pretty sure Jinki doesn't really want to fight with him.
"I miss you," he mumbles at last. "Just like... you said, this morning. It's not like... something bad."
Jinki stares at Taemin and wonders if the younger man really can be so blind. Can he not see that his presence in his life, in his every waking moment, in his room at night is like being tortured every second? The spike of anger shudders inside him making his shoulders ache with tension.
"You can't have it both ways," he says as calmly as he can.
Taemin blinks, almost physically recoiling from that statement. "I don't think I asked to have "it" whatever it is any way at all," he states with sharp care.
"Oh you're asking, all right," Jinki scoffs. "I... we all... have spoiled you so much for so long... you think you only have to look cute and moon about a bit to get whatever you want. So what is it Taemin? Not satisfied with your other friends? Need some quality time with someone who knows how to make you scream?" He hisses the words out, every single one of them burning his tongue and stabbing at his heart. His fists curl up despite himself and his glance at Taemin is accusing.
Taemin can't quite believe what he's hearing and he stares at Jinki for several seconds while his brain tries to process these statements. "You think I only come to your room because I want you to fuck me?" he asks finally, when there seems to be no doubt what Jinki is saying.
"I think you come here for that... and then you lose your nerve. Or maybe you remember for half a second how much I love you... used to love you anyway." Jinki answers, telling himself that he is not going to cry right now... not going to wish he could just give in and give Taemin what he wants. Just to kiss him, hold him, would be so good.
Wincing, Taemin drops his head, blinking hard. Even though he knows that he's the one that caused the damage in the first place ... he can't help but feel hurt and betrayed by the things the older man is saying. His voice comes out cracked and broken, his throat half choked by the knot of tears that he's determined to hold back somehow.
"For your information, I come to your room because I miss you so much. Because... I still... I wake up and I can't sleep because you aren't there. Creepy as it is... hearing you breathe in the same room as me... it's better than nothing. I know I'm pathetic but..."
Jinki can't process what Taemin is saying, can't make the words compute. The pain he feels is tearing him apart and his ears are roaring with the destruction inside. "I don't understand," he grates harshly, helplessly.
Taemin shifts against the door and steps closer to Jinki. "I just wanted to be near you, okay? That's all. I don't want... you don't have to do anything you don't want to. I just wanted to be near you."
There are tears on Taemin's face, Jinki notes as if in a daze. There is pain in his eyes as well. He reaches out and touches the shape of Taemin's mouth with his fingers and then skates them over to wipe tears away. "Taemin?" he asks sharply, insecurity loud in the small room.
"Just... just let me... hold you, okay? And you... you hold me if you want." Taemin stutters the words and reaches out.
Jinki hesitates, frozen. And then, he takes the two steps forward to put himself into the shaky circle of Taemin's arms. He lets his own arms slide ever so slowly around Taemin's slim waist. "Oh, Taemin," he whispers.
Taemin squeezes Jinki into his arms hard and presses as close as he can get.
1st day RESTLESS
"So..." Jinki begins, pulling Taemin into his room as everyone is crawling into bed to catch whatever sleep is available. His face is serious and there's a look there that Taemin can't interpret even though he thinks he's seen every expression Jinki has ever worn.
Jinki lets go of Taemin's elbow and the expression morphs into something closer to a frown. He unconsciously drags his palm against his shirt front then drops onto the bed.
"What do you want to do?" he asks finally, briskly, tearing his eyes away from Taemin's face and dropping his gaze onto the speckled pattern of his comforter.
Taemin swallows, pushing the door closed with his shoulder and then leaning against it. "About what, exactly?" he asks. It sounds obnoxious, but it's not meant to be. It's just... confusion swirling around in the air between them.
Jinki shoots him a sudden sharp glance, a ripple of deeply banked anger spiking the look before he forces himself to look away again. "You are the one showing up in my room at night, Taemin," he answers as calmly as he can manage. "Am I wrong to assume that means you want something?"
A sigh spills from Taemin's lips and he kicks at the floor with his socked foot. The way Jinki says that, that Taemin wants something makes his hackles want to rise up, makes him want to defend himself. But, he doesn't want to fight with Jinki. And he's pretty sure Jinki doesn't really want to fight with him.
"I miss you," he mumbles at last. "Just like... you said, this morning. It's not like... something bad."
Jinki stares at Taemin and wonders if the younger man really can be so blind. Can he not see that his presence in his life, in his every waking moment, in his room at night is like being tortured every second? The spike of anger shudders inside him making his shoulders ache with tension.
"You can't have it both ways," he says as calmly as he can.
Taemin blinks, almost physically recoiling from that statement. "I don't think I asked to have "it" whatever it is any way at all," he states with sharp care.
"Oh you're asking, all right," Jinki scoffs. "I... we all... have spoiled you so much for so long... you think you only have to look cute and moon about a bit to get whatever you want. So what is it Taemin? Not satisfied with your other friends? Need some quality time with someone who knows how to make you scream?" He hisses the words out, every single one of them burning his tongue and stabbing at his heart. His fists curl up despite himself and his glance at Taemin is accusing.
Taemin can't quite believe what he's hearing and he stares at Jinki for several seconds while his brain tries to process these statements. "You think I only come to your room because I want you to fuck me?" he asks finally, when there seems to be no doubt what Jinki is saying.
"I think you come here for that... and then you lose your nerve. Or maybe you remember for half a second how much I love you... used to love you anyway." Jinki answers, telling himself that he is not going to cry right now... not going to wish he could just give in and give Taemin what he wants. Just to kiss him, hold him, would be so good.
Wincing, Taemin drops his head, blinking hard. Even though he knows that he's the one that caused the damage in the first place ... he can't help but feel hurt and betrayed by the things the older man is saying. His voice comes out cracked and broken, his throat half choked by the knot of tears that he's determined to hold back somehow.
"For your information, I come to your room because I miss you so much. Because... I still... I wake up and I can't sleep because you aren't there. Creepy as it is... hearing you breathe in the same room as me... it's better than nothing. I know I'm pathetic but..."
Jinki can't process what Taemin is saying, can't make the words compute. The pain he feels is tearing him apart and his ears are roaring with the destruction inside. "I don't understand," he grates harshly, helplessly.
Taemin shifts against the door and steps closer to Jinki. "I just wanted to be near you, okay? That's all. I don't want... you don't have to do anything you don't want to. I just wanted to be near you."
There are tears on Taemin's face, Jinki notes as if in a daze. There is pain in his eyes as well. He reaches out and touches the shape of Taemin's mouth with his fingers and then skates them over to wipe tears away. "Taemin?" he asks sharply, insecurity loud in the small room.
"Just... just let me... hold you, okay? And you... you hold me if you want." Taemin stutters the words and reaches out.
Jinki hesitates, frozen. And then, he takes the two steps forward to put himself into the shaky circle of Taemin's arms. He lets his own arms slide ever so slowly around Taemin's slim waist. "Oh, Taemin," he whispers.
Taemin squeezes Jinki into his arms hard and presses as close as he can get.