(no subject)
Well.
That was ... less than optimal.
Gordon's about halfway around the lake by now, out where the water's between him and the Bar and there's nothing in front of him but the foothills that rise up into the mountains. The forest is somewhere behind him, and there's nothing overhead but the clouded sky, and dammit! What the hell is wrong with him? He thought-
( I believe in you. I know you well enough to know what that means )
She trusted him, and-
( I promised I wouldn't leave you. remember? )
He should've said something to Eli. Anything that would've cracked the whole mess open would've been better-
( part of me is waiting for the other shoe to drop )
( you're not helping. you haven't helped a goddamn thing )
( everything's gone wrong since you fucking showed up )
( if this is all true, why the fuck didn't you tell me before now )
( "Minor fracture detected." )
I'm sorry, Alyx, I'm so sorry, I never meant it to go this way, I was trying to help you, I know how bad it hurts-
( I regret that I ever met you )
I was wrong, I don't know how to fix it, I was wrong and I never wanted to hurt you-
( that's what kept me going, knowing you were waiting for me )
You came back for me, Alyx-
( get the fuck out of my way, Freeman )
( how many people have died in the past two days all because the Combine were looking for Gordon FUCKING Freeman )
( my dad is DEAD and you won't even let me SEE him )
I don't-
( Tell me, Dr. Freeman, if you can. You have destroyed so much. What is it, exactly, that you have created? Can you name even one thing? )
I didn't want to make it worse-
( so not only did my father not trust me, you don't trust me either- nice, Gordon, real nice- )
He closes his eyes, hard, and counts to ten. Then to twenty, and then, slow and careful, backwards.
Pain is temporary, he tells himself. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.
( just go, Gordon )
For the first time in as long as Gordon can remember, he wants to quit.
That was ... less than optimal.
Gordon's about halfway around the lake by now, out where the water's between him and the Bar and there's nothing in front of him but the foothills that rise up into the mountains. The forest is somewhere behind him, and there's nothing overhead but the clouded sky, and dammit! What the hell is wrong with him? He thought-
( I believe in you. I know you well enough to know what that means )
She trusted him, and-
( I promised I wouldn't leave you. remember? )
He should've said something to Eli. Anything that would've cracked the whole mess open would've been better-
( part of me is waiting for the other shoe to drop )
( you're not helping. you haven't helped a goddamn thing )
( everything's gone wrong since you fucking showed up )
( if this is all true, why the fuck didn't you tell me before now )
( "Minor fracture detected." )
I'm sorry, Alyx, I'm so sorry, I never meant it to go this way, I was trying to help you, I know how bad it hurts-
( I regret that I ever met you )
I was wrong, I don't know how to fix it, I was wrong and I never wanted to hurt you-
( that's what kept me going, knowing you were waiting for me )
You came back for me, Alyx-
( get the fuck out of my way, Freeman )
( how many people have died in the past two days all because the Combine were looking for Gordon FUCKING Freeman )
( my dad is DEAD and you won't even let me SEE him )
I don't-
( Tell me, Dr. Freeman, if you can. You have destroyed so much. What is it, exactly, that you have created? Can you name even one thing? )
I didn't want to make it worse-
( so not only did my father not trust me, you don't trust me either- nice, Gordon, real nice- )
He closes his eyes, hard, and counts to ten. Then to twenty, and then, slow and careful, backwards.
Pain is temporary, he tells himself. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.
( just go, Gordon )
For the first time in as long as Gordon can remember, he wants to quit.