In which Jys vies for the title of Deadpan Snarker

[actourdreams]

I was over at my parents' neighbors' dropping off something, and ran into the daughter of a friend of theirs, who I'd seen a bit when I was younger, but hadn't in a few years

Comments

[outsidetheedges]

Your appearance discussion here is really interesting to me because one of the things I've noted about being more comfortable with myself has a lot to do with bizarre bits of dress and appearance. I have shifted around a lot in my looks in the last few years - due to questions about representation of sexuality and because of side effects and mental health issues. I decided I wanted to "look more queer" (which I understood as androgynous/butch). Then I gained 15 pounds from my antipsychotics. Then I lost them. Then I decided that really I was naturally more of a femme. I grew my hair. I stopped dying it. I've ended up in a place where my clothing and appearance is a lot more like when I was 12, except maybe a little more pulled together. But it has always involved a lot of wacky combinations, bright colors, or default t-shirts and jeans. Because those are the things that make me feel most "me." My long hair is a part of me. So are my pink high-tops and striped t-shirts. That's me. That's when I look in the mirror and

[actourdreams]

I don't know if I was setting out to look queer, but I do know that I code as such, at least to myself. And apparently to old acquaintances. I'm still doing the thing where I look in the mirror and go "Oh hey! That girl, she's me!", which is mostly from having my hair shorter than it has ever been since I was a baby. But I like that girl, so maybe we'll stick together? But I know what you mean about recognizing yourself in the mirror. I've gone through stages of that, and then stages of not, but it's always terribly rewarding to see a reflection and go, "Oh hey, it's me."

[soda_and_capes]

Haha, wow, I'm glad you were snarky to those people, because what the hell. Ew, commenting on people's weight loss is so creepy, although super common.

[3rdragon]

What really gets me is when people comment that I look like I've lost weight -- and I haven't. I mean, maybe I've lost a little since being home from school, but when this person hasn't seen me in a year, and I'm pretty sure that I weigh about the same right now as I did a year ago . . .

[actourdreams]

Like I supposed to fleetfoot77 farther down, maybe it's that they think you look good, and can't interpret that any way other than weight loss? I've had similar things happen to me, and yeah, it's weird.

[3rdragon]

That's possible. Still weird, though.

[actourdreams]

Why thank you.

It really is as simple as looking into the mirror and recognizing yourself, no matter how fragile and disjointed you may feel at the moment.
I love this line. It's very true. I get dressy when I'm really depressed because I feel that if I have to get out of bed (and trust me, there are days when I think I really, really can't), I am going to look damn fabulous.

I keep going "What's this pointy thing my laptop is balancing on? Oh, it's my hip."

I used to know what I dressed as, or what I wanted to dress as, but now I'm not sure. Sometimes I want a "look", something that people can recognize me by, sometimes I want to be anonymous and fade into the background. I don't know. There are skirts, and jeans, and teeshirts, and my father's old plaid buttondown. It's a whole

[ocelotofdoom]

I like your icon. A lot. X3

And wow, all of those statements people made (including the speculation on why you dress a certain way, which sounds pretty condescending)... wow. How rude. I can't even start to understand why people can't get their heads around the concept that other people can change or not change their appearance as best suits them and how the feel, and at least nine times out of ten it will be nobody else's business. I mean, really, what would it cost them to fuck off?

In any case, I'm sorry to hear that you had to deal with such asshatery. The snarking was well deserved.

[actourdreams]

Why thank you. XD

I know! Part of me was thinking, "Where do you get off on all this?" I could see the first one being a joke - a joke in fairly bad taste, but still - but the second one is... nobody's business. I suppose I would comment on it if someone I knew looked like they'd lost a large amount of weight in a short period of time, but that would be more to ask them if they were okay than to congratulate them (and the "Oooh what's your secret?" tone is aggravating).

[createsunspots]

i hate that. oh, jesus, i hate that. then there's the moments when the answer (due to general stigma, of course), is awkward because of a pretty innocent question. i.e.:

coworker: nice to meet you!
me: oh hey, i think i'm acquainted with your cousin.
coworker: oh yeah? who's that?
me: d*** h********
coworker: oh yeah! how do you know her?
me: dskjghfdklj we were hospitalized at the same time.

(i guess in that case it's my fault but i am also pretty socially awkward and try to connect with people even though there is no point of connection whatsoever. nonsense!)

anyway, kudos to you for not skirting around the truth. i'm presuming that takes a lot of guts. i don't know. it would for me, i guess.

[actourdreams]

I too have had the experience of at least opening my mouth to say something, and realizing that, since it happened in the hospital, I can't bring it up without either outing myself (if I know the people less), or shutting down the conversation. In this case, I was ticked off enough not to care, and vaguely offended, because, those mental hospitals were not fun. If I were to see the people more often, I probably wouldn't have been as bold. I'm not sure what a polite lie would be in that situation, but I'm never sure what the polite lies are, so there we are.