SGA Fic: Distance From Here to Wherever You Are (4/4)
Distance From Here to Wherever You Are (part 4)
( part 1) ( part 2) ( part 3) ( part 4)
Elizabeth wasn't remotely surprised to find Teyla and Ronon standing at the puddle jumper door when it opened. After all, the HUD had indicated life signs. She was, however, a bit surprised to see Teyla obviously pregnant with a small girl clinging to her leg and a slightly older boy standing next to Ronon.
"Teyla, it's so good to see you." Elizabeth took the Athosian woman's hands and bowed her head to meet Teyla's forehead. "It looks like life without the Wraith has treated you well," Elizabeth said, smiling at the children.
"Dr. Weir, it is an honor to finally see you again," Teyla responded. "My people have grown much without the threat of Wraith cullings. This is Dayna." Teyla placed her hand on the girl's head and reached for the young boy. " And this is John. Dayna, John, say hello to our old friends - these are doctors Elizabeth Weir, Rodney McKay, Carson Beckett, and Radek Zelenka." The little girl peeked out from behind Teyla's legs and stared at them while the boy stepped forward and inclined his head.
"Teyla, they're beautiful," said Carson, kneeling down to smile at Dayna. "You have your mother's eyes, little one."
Elizabeth heard Rodney sigh heavily behind her. "Not more proud parents. As though Carson wasn't enough talking about his little monsters the entire ride over here."
Teyla raised an eyebrow at Carson, "Dr. Beckett, you have children now?"
"Oh, yes, two in fact." Carson nodded, grinning broadly. "Michael is three and Johanna is still a wee little babe. Would you like to see pictures?"
Elizabeth could practically hear Rodney roll his eyes behind her. While Teyla oohed appreciatively over Carson's photos Ronon approached the others. "You didn’t come all this way to share baby stories," he said. "What's going on?"
"Yes," Teyla said, looking up from the pile of photos Carson had shoved into her hands. "What has brought you here? How is Colonel Sheppard?" A shadow crossed Teyla's face as she saw Elizabeth exchange a look with Rodney. "He is why you are here? Is he…?"
"It's a long story," Elizabeth said. "Is there somewhere we can talk? Perhaps over tea?"
The new Athosian settlement was much more permanent than the hunting camps they had left behind on Athos. Teyla led them to a stone house with a warm interior, seating them around a long wooden table after shooing the children to play outside. Elizabeth turned to Ronon as Teyla heated water. "So Teyla managed to get you to settle down? I have to say I'm a bit surprised."
Ronon shrugged. "There aren't any more Wraith to kill."
"So, what," Rodney asked him, "you just packed up your weapons and became domesticated?"
Ronon shot McKay a toothy grin. "Someone has to teach the kids to hunt."
"Ah, right then." Rodney looked at Elizabeth. "As much as I'm sure we'd all like to sit and play catch-up, we didn’t come this far for tea. Can we get down to business?"
Elizabeth nodded and looked at Teyla and Ronon. "John woke up when we got back to Earth but he never really got better - he was just an empty shell never talking or really doing anything. Carson tried…"
Rodney interrupted her. "Elizabeth, they don't need the gory details. John started drawing pictures for some crazy new psychobabble therapy."
"Actually, art therapy is a mature, respected technique," Carson shot in, earning a patented McKay glare.
"As I was saying, Sheppard developed quite the fondness for finger paints and he kept drawing pictures with stargates in them. Elizabeth and I realized he'd been hiding gate addresses in the drawings - actually one specific Pegasus address over and over," Rodney continued.
Elizabeth pulled out the paper on which they'd drawn the six symbols. "Do either of you recognize this address?" She passed the paper to Ronon. Teyla placed a hand on Ronon's shoulder, looking over his head at the writing.
"It is unfamiliar to me," Teyla said as Ronon shook his head. "You intend to go there?"
"Of course," Rodney said, just as Elizabeth said, "We need to check if it's safe first. We don't want to walk into another Asuran trap."
Rodney turned on her, "C'mon Elizabeth, what's the worst that can happen? John doesn't get better? We get killed? The Asurans are more advanced than we are and they know everything we know - remember the mind probes?" Rodney winced and gulped down the tea in front of him.
"Rodney is right," Zelenka pointed out. "They are capable of destroying Earth if they choose and there is nothing we know they do not.. We would only risk ourselves."
"Wait a minute," Carson stammered. "No one said anything about dying when they asked me to come on this trip."
"Carson, I believe your exact words when we called you were 'when do we leave?'" Rodney pointed out.
"You still never mentioned the dying part!"
"We'll just have to be careful then," Elizabeth said, patting Carson's hand.
"Then we should go - there is no time like the present. I will ask Halling to watch the children," Teyla said, slipping into her coat and exiting the house. Elizabeth marveled at the quick decision. It had been so long since she'd dealt with members of the Pegasus Galaxy, where the threat of the Wraith had made every moment precious. Sometimes, over long negotiations on Earth, she almost missed it - even when it came with Genii intrigue.
Within minutes they had reassembled at the puddle jumper. "It's been a while," Rodney commented, holding up the tac vest and handgun holster. "I'm not sure I remember how to put these on." Elizabeth shrugged into her own vest, feeling it slip on like a second skin. She knew if it was that easy for her, Rodney would have no problem. Soon enough they were cloaked and heading through the gate.
Carson piloted them over the planet, skimming just above the tree line while Rodney examined the HUD. "This planet looks completely uninhabited. I'm not seeing anything bigger than a dog," he commented as the trees skipped by below.
"I'm picking up an energy reading," Zelenka said, staring at the computer by his seat before going to stand behind Rodney's chair. "Right here." He pointed to the map on the screen.
Rodney squinted and irritably shoved Zelenka's finger out of the way. "That's dense vegetation - Carson, can you put us down near it?"
"We're following a mysterious signal for what could be a trap on an alien planet and you want to explore it on foot?" Carson asked.
Rodney sighed exasperatedly. "I thought it was my job to be the pessimist. Carson - it's the only interesting thing on the planet. I doubt Sheppard was writing this address everywhere because he liked squirrels. We need to take a closer look if we're going to learn anything, and even Sheppard couldn't land in those trees."
The smell of pine trees swept through the open door of the puddle jumper and Elizabeth felt pine needles cracking underfoot as she stepped out. When a small animal - some cross between a badger and a beagle - ran across their path, Elizabeth jumped, but not as high as Carson. Rodney and Zelenka conferred with each other, and Elizabeth could see Rodney elaborating some idea with his hands before pointing them uphill. She couldn't help smiling when she heard Teyla whisper to Ronon, "I think I have missed this."
They walked through the forest, leaving trails in the mist swirling around the trees. "Should be just over this way," Rodney murmured, stepping ahead to lead the little expedition.
Ronon and Teyla's guns were raised, followed quickly by McKay's, Beckett's, and then Zelenka's before Elizabeth even realized where they were aiming. The mist swirled again as Niam stepped out from the trees, and Elizabeth felt a cold chill. The Asuran calmly raised his hands and surveyed the ragtag group. "It appears you got the message."
Elizabeth heard Ronon's gun power up and swore she could hear Rodney stiffen before he snapped at the Asuran, "What do you want from us? Haven't you done enough?"
"That is why I am here," Niam said, taking a step toward them but stopping when the sounds of five safeties clicking off echoed through the trees. "You know those weapons cannot harm me." He stopped moving anyway.
"I seem to remember the lowest setting on mine affecting your kind," Ronon growled. Elizabeth could hear him thumb up the power level to its highest setting. "Why shouldn't I see what maxing it out would do?"
"Because I can help your friend," Niam said simply.
Rodney laughed harshly. "Right. Because you guys are really in the business of helping people."
Elizabeth put a hand on Rodney's arm. "Rodney, we may as well listen to what he has to say." She could feel him struggle but slowly his muscles loosened under her fingers. She nodded to Niam. "Tell us."
Niam surveyed the group. "Not all of us agreed that our method of destroying the Wraith was the best course of action. However, we were overpowered by a majority that wanted to be done with that driving imperative in our base code. There was hope that with the Wraith destroyed as well as all remnants of our creators, the aggression and revenge which controlled us would be released - that we would finally be able to determine our own destiny and be free from the arm of our creators."
"So you decided to attack us," Rodney spat. "Great way to become less aggressive."
"Did you not do something similar when you destroyed our ship - choose your people over mine?" Niam asked, cocking his head to the side. "At least we let you leave the city before we destroyed it."
"Why don't you ask Sheppard what he thought of your plan?" Rodney pointed out. "Oh, that's right, you can't!"
"When we first met we saw within your Colonel Sheppard a willingness to sacrifice himself in order to win a battle - to save his people. Were we wrong?" Niam asked.
Elizabeth shook her head. "No, you were not. But that doesn't mean he wouldn't rather live."
"Yet we did not kill him."
Carson looked up. "You may as well have. I wouldn't call what he's doing living."
"Which is why, as I said, I called you to this place. After the Wraith and Atlantis were destroyed, we returned to Asuras but found little had changed. With nowhere else to direct our aggression and nothing to drive our continued growth, our society fell apart. Many languished into nothingness while others were overcome with aggression, turning on their own kind. Within a few years our population had dwindled and our city began falling into disrepair," Niam explained. "A few of us managed to recover Dr. McKay's rewrite of our base code to remove aggression and escaped before some of the worst destroyed the planet."
Rodney turned to Elizabeth. "See, I'm not the only one who destroys planets."
Elizabeth waved a hand at Rodney and looked back at Niam. "You'll forgive us if we don't mourn the destruction of your world. But you still haven't told us what you plan to do now."
Niam nodded. "Those of us who escaped have been preparing for Ascension but, while we are close, it is still just beyond our reach. We hope that by fixing our previous wrongs we can achieve that last step. Atlantis is destroyed, but it was only a city." Rodney coughed loudly at the comment but Niam ignored him. "However, we think we can repair the damage to your friend."
"If you don't mind my asking, how do you intend to do that?" Dr. Beckett asked.
"I can reverse the damage the same way it was created," Niam said simply.
"Infect him with more nanites? I don't think so," Rodney said, crossing his arms over his chest.
Elizabeth looked to Rodney. "Let's not rule it out just yet." She turned to Niam. "How did you send the message for us to come here? And, more importantly, why should we trust you?"
"As I said, I was never comfortable with our final solution. I wrote a subroutine into the nanites which infected Lieutenant Colonel Sheppard to enable me to contact him should I one day be able to cure him. As for trusting me, I seem to recall it was you who broke our trust the last time. I have never gone against my word to you," Niam pointed out.
"He is right," Teyla said. "Even after he learned we had crossed him, he still helped us blow up their version of Atlantis."
Elizabeth surveyed her team. Ronon had never moved his finger from the trigger but the others had all lowered their weapons. Rodney's arms were still stubbornly folded, but she could see hope on Carson's and Zelenka's faces and Teyla appeared to be considering. She turned back to Niam. "We will need to consider and discuss your offer. Meet us here tomorrow." He nodded and faded back into the trees. Rodney watched for energy signals the entire way back to the gate.
That night Teyla and Ronon's table hosted a rather heated discussion. Rodney wanted no part in this, convinced it was only a new trick, but the others were less sure.
"I don't see what we can lose that isn't already lost," Carson pointed out. "Colonel Sheppard isn't going to get better and I don't know that he will live much longer."
"What if Niam is lying? What if this is just a ploy to infect Earth?" Rodney argued. "Finish what they started."
"Lorne took the Perseus to Asuras and saw the devastation Niam described," Elizabeth said. "Plus, didn't you point out earlier they could destroy Earth without our help if they chose? What did you expect when you came here?"
"I didn't think they'd want to re-infect him," Rodney said stubbornly. "Wasn't the first time bad enough?"
"Dr. McKay, would not Colonel Sheppard want us to take the risk?" Teyla asked him, her head on Ronon's shoulder. Elizabeth could see Rodney sag a bit and knew they were winning him over.
"There must be ways to keep things safe," Dr. Zelenka murmured into his tea. "We should hide the Perseus from them - perhaps set up small camp on the planet until Dr. Beckett can be sure Sheppard is not a risk."
"I agree." Elizabeth surveyed the table. Teyla looked drowsy, leaning on Ronon's shoulder while he cleaned the disassembled weapon on the table in front of him. Carson leaned back in his chair looking thoughtfully across the room, and Dr. Zelenka next to him seemed about to nod off into his mug. Rodney still looked unsure but she knew he would yield. "Let's return to the Perseus for the night. Teyla, Ronon, we'll return with supplies and Colonel Sheppard in the morning."
At first he only heard voices, swirling around him, familiar and yet unrecognizably disembodied as they faded in and out.
"..really necessary? Is he strong enough to actually escape?"
"He was super-strong last time."
"Have you noticed anything different?"
"Not yet, love."
"How long do we have to wait?"
"Rodney, after all these years you can't expect a miracle overnight."
"I don't see why not."
Slowly he grew aware of his own body - legs and arms and a quiet thumping within his chest. He willed his eyes to open, his arm to rise, his torso to sit up, but he couldn't remember how. As it all swam away he felt the pressure of someone squeezing his hand and tried to squeeze back.
"I swear he squeezed my hand."
"The monitors don't indicate any change in heart rate or neural activity. It was probably just a muscle spasm."
"I don't think so."
Eventually there was light - bright white crossed with dark lines - when he managed to crack his eyelids open. Blurry shapes swam over his head and he blinked but they refused to focus. "John?" a female voice asked, and he felt a hand squeezing his own. This time he was sure he managed to squeeze back before it all faded out.
When the light returned the overhead ceiling was focused - white canvas over metal bars - and his brain supplied the term "semi-permanent field shelter" as the man standing over him grinned and shouted something out the door. Within moments six heads surrounded his field of vision, smiling and talking over each other. He blinked a few times, experimentally, but they didn’t go away. Whoever they were, they seemed happy to see him, and he appeared to have a woman on each hand, which seemed like a good thing. Though one looked pregnant, which worried him a bit. He hoped that wasn't going to get him in trouble. Also the balding guy looked rather jumpy.
It slammed into him an hour later as he hovered in that semi-conscious state between dreaming and alertness. He had been flying - his Cessna morphed into a Nighthawk, into an Apache, and then finally a small spaceship his brain called a puddle jumper. He walked over the sands of Afghanistan, the snow of Antarctica, the balconies of Atlantis. Teyla taught him stick fighting and he gasped as the sticks smacked his ribs. Kolya dragged Elizabeth to the gate, gun to her head. He slammed an epi-pen into the thigh of a gasping McKay while more alien bees circled them.
Faster and faster, like a slide projector high on Wraith enzyme, memories slammed into him from whatever dam had blown within his head. He thrashed on the floor of Elizabeth's office. Zelenka shouted. He fired a stun gun. The Wraith Queen screamed in his face. And, oh god! He destroyed Atlantis!
John opened his eyes wide and tried to sit up only to be thrown back by whatever was holding him to the bed. He thrashed wildly against the restraints, shouting something without words - he wouldn't let the Asurans use him any longer. Someone ran over, trying to push him down, talking calmly, and John only stopped struggling when he recognized the face.
"Colonel Sheppard!" Dr. Beckett said and his eyes narrowed a bit. "Is it you?"
John's throat was scratchy and his voice sounded stale in his ears. "Of course it's me. Were you expecting someone else? Where are we?" He squinted again at Carson's head - the doctor's hair was peppered with grey. "Carson, what happened to your hair? The Wraith didn't…"
Carson looked confused a minute, reaching up to touch the top of his head. A look of horrified comprehension dawned on his face and he gently touched John's arm. "John, what's the last thing you remember?"
John shook his head - his memory still felt cobwebbed. "Rodney left Atlantis to see Jeannie. I got caught sleep-walking and you kept running tests on me. Then…" he shook his head. He'd been sure of something a minute ago but it was gone again. "I didn't turn into a bug again, did I?"
"No, lad, I'm afraid it was worse than that," Carson said quietly. John wasn't quite sure he wanted to ask what could be worse. Luckily he was temporarily spared by the herd of people who burst into the tent. Rodney was talking a mile a minute, hands flailing while Zelenka smiled behind him. Ronon gave John the biggest bear hug possible for someone tied to a bed, Elizabeth just grabbed his hand and smiled, and Teyla stood beside him, hand on a pregnant stomach.
"Carson?" John asked, lifting a hand experimentally against the restraints. "Are these necessary?" He saw Carson exchange a look with Elizabeth and Rodney. "I promise I don't feel like attacking any of you."
Carson sighed and reached down to undo the restraints. John sat up, slowly. It was much more difficult than it should have been and he was grateful when Elizabeth propped him up with pillows. He looked at the faces ringing his bedside. "Um, this is a little weird. You all look different and I feel different and I have no idea where we are or how we got here. And Teyla, I'd offer to beat the crap out of whoever did that to you but I know you'd do a far better job at it than I would."
"You are probably right, Colonel Sheppard." Teyla gave him a long-suffering smile. "Also, since I doubt your skills have improved, you would have a great deal of trouble besting Ronon. We have been wed for several years now."
"Really?" John felt his eyebrows shoot somewhere near his hairline. "Congratulations. But…several years? How, when…someone's going to need to start explaining fast. McKay?" He focused on the astrophysicist. He could always count on Rodney to explain something and talk fast while doing it.
Rodney shifted awkwardly and coughed before looking at Carson, who looked at Elizabeth, who looked back at Rodney. John knew this was going to be interesting. He was right. By the time Rodney had finished the story - with frequent interruptions from everyone else in the tent - all John could do was stare at them. "You're sure I haven't ended up in some alternate universe?"
"Pretty sure, John," Elizabeth said, smiling at him. "I know all this is going to take some time to process."
"Uh-huh," John said distractedly, looking around the room at all his friends who looked so different and yet so obviously like themselves. "Does anyone have a mirror?"
Rodney rolled his eyes. "Right. We bring you back from over six years of imitating an eggplant and the first thing you ask for is a mirror. This planet doesn't have any priestesses for you to seduce, you know."
"Rodney, you just told me that I was fed on by a Wraith, helped destroy Atlantis, and then lay in something like a " - John looked at Carson - "coma for over six years. It's a lot to take in and I don't think it's too much to ask to want to check that I'm still -" He looked at the small mirror Carson handed him and stopped talking. There had been no mirrors in Kolya's cell, but he imagined he had looked like this after the Wraith feedings. He was definitely old - greyed hair, sagging skin, gaunt face - something that didn't surprise him after seeing how bony his arms and legs were. " - me," he finished quietly. "Does one of you have a razor I can borrow?" he asked, rubbing his hands through the beard - grey streaked with black - that covered his chin. He never could get used to having facial hair.
Carson gave him a pair of scissors and a razor and he managed to convince everyone to leave him alone in the tent. As they left he heard Teyla whisper to Elizabeth, "He seems to be taking it quite well." He shook his head and looked in the mirror again, prodding at the skin sagging at his eyes and the corner of his mouth, brushing his hands through the grey hair surrounding his face. It all felt a little too unreal, too weird to actually be happening. Somewhere inside he knew he was starting to freak out, but most of him hadn't yet processed Rodney's story.
John's hands shook more than he liked as he first trimmed and then shaved off the beard, wincing at the several nicks he acquired along the way. When he was done he could only stare at the hollowed cheekbones the beard had covered up. Shivering, he took one last look at the mirror before grabbing the jacket Elizabeth had left on his bed and stepping outside. He couldn't remember his legs ever feeling so unsteady.
Ronon was seated outside the tent, sharpening a knife. "You still carry an arsenal of those?" John asked, sitting next to Ronon and wincing as his hips creaked.
"Not as many as before," Ronon said, handing John a knife and sharpening stone.
John concentrated on the task. The familiar rhythm of the blade rubbing against the rough surface was comforting. "So, you and Teyla?"
"Yep," Ronon said, leaning back and smiling slightly. "I had nowhere to go. None of her people fully understood why she remained on Atlantis. This galaxy needed children. It made sense."
"So the Wraith are really gone?" John asked.
"We found a few planets where ships had crashed with hundreds of dead Wraith inside," Ronon told him. "No one we've found has seen or heard of Wraith since Atlantis was destroyed."
"That's good then," John said. Ronon nodded assent and continued sharpening his knives in silence. John found the quiet familiarity remarkably grounding as he focused on the blade before him.
"Colonel Sheppard?" John looked up to see Carson approaching. "Would you mind if I ran a few tests? I need to make sure whatever Niam did to cure you didn't leave behind any travelers." John nodded and held a hand out for Carson to help him up.
"So, how're you feeling, lad?" Carson asked as he ran a scanner slowly down the side of John's head. "I imagine this is all a wee bit disconcerting."
"You could say that," John admitted. "I feel like I should be more freaked out, but I don't remember any of it except…" John shook his head, and looked at Carson.
"What is it?"
"You know that feeling when you wake up and know you had a crazy dream and you can almost remember it but the harder you think, the more it slips away?" Carson nodded and John continued. "It feels a little like that."
Dr. Beckett examined the readings and looked back at John. "It looks like Niam was good for his word. I don't see any of the little buggers and you look as good as new, relatively speaking. Now, I don't have to tell you that you're very weak right now. Don't overtax yourself - it'll be a while to build yourself up after so many years of inactivity."
"Right, Doc," John said, sliding off the bed. "You said Niam cured me because he thought it was the last step to his ascension?"
"It's what he claimed." Carson shrugged. "But he just stuck his hand in your head for a few minutes, said 'it is done,' and walked away. Rodney was convinced he'd tricked us. Bloody strangest piece of medicine I've ever seen."
"I bet." John leaned back against the bed, crossing his arms. "So, these nanites he cured me with were on their way to ascending then."
"I wouldn't worry about that." Carson placed a hand on John's shoulder and smiled. "You feel flesh and bone to me, son."
John nodded and headed for the door, stopping at the entrance to look back. "Carson, thanks for…"
Carson shook his head. "You don't have anything to thank me for. I was just doing my job. Now go on back out there. We've been waiting a long time to get you back."
John fell asleep to McKay and Zelenka arguing about Fermat's Last Theorem and woke to find a small boy sitting next to him, sharpening a knife on a whetstone. "Hey there. Not planning to use that on me, are you?" he asked, propping himself up on his elbows and smiling at the kid.
The boy looked at him with big, dark eyes. "Should I be?" John couldn't help chuckling. There was no doubt this kid had to be Ronon's, which meant, he remembered, he was also Teyla's. That was going to take some getting used to.
"I hope not," John commented, sitting up and reaching to grab the shoes he vaguely remembered Rodney removing. He almost gave up on the laces - his fingers weren't as nimble as they used to be. "What do you say we go for a walk?
The boy cocked his head. "Are we allowed?"
"I don't see why not. I haven't gotten to walk outside in six years and I think I miss it," John told him, easing himself up. There was a long minute when he wasn’t sure his legs would hold him. "Come here," he beckoned to the boy, putting an arm and the tiniest bit of weight on his thin shoulder.
"So, what's your name?" John asked as they entered the surrounding trees.
"John," the boy said, squinting up to look at Sheppard. "Mom said I was named after you. She said you were a brave warrior who cared deeply about your friends. She also said you were stubborn and sometimes foolish. Dad said you were a pretty good fighter."
"Did they now?" John chuckled. "You know, John, that's a pretty big name to live up to. They won't want you to be king of England, but there's been lots of famous Johns. John Lennon, Johnny Cash, John Glenn, John Elway, John Wayne, John F. Kennedy." The kid was looking at him like he wasn't sure about the sanity of the big person next to him. "It's okay, I'm sure you can live up to it."
"The other kids think it's weird," John muttered. "But Jinto stops them whenever they tease me too much."
"That's good of him," John said distractedly. This was weird - waking up to find six years had passed, that he'd helped destroy his home and hurt his friends and they were all older and he was much older. And he was walking through the woods with Teyla and Ronon's son who also happened to be named after him. "You know, it's going to be confusing both of us having the same name. Since I was John first, what do you say we think of a nickname for you?"
"What is a nickname?" John asked him.
"It's a name people use for other people, usually based on their real name. Like, Rodney always wanted people to call him Rod," John explained. "Let's see, when I was little my mom used to call me Johno - what do you think of that?"
"Johno," the kid sounded the name out in his mouth and smiled. "I like it."
They hadn't even gone a mile and John was starting to feel ready to fall over. "I think we should head back."
Johno looked up at him. "Already?"
John nodded and turned to go back, falling to the ground instead. "Actually, I think I'm going to just sit here a bit. Can you go back and get someone?" Johno looked at him with frightened eyes and nodded before running off. John leaned back against a tree and closed his eyes, ignoring the rough back pressing into his back and the dampness of the ground beneath him. He still felt disconnected with his body - like it would be all too easy to float off.
"What did you think you were doing walking around the woods alone like that?" Not without effort, John cracked open an eye to see Rodney standing over him. "We didn't bring you all the way here so you could die wandering in the woods."
"I wasn't alone - I was walking with Johno," John muttered at Rodney, leaning his head back against the tree to see the scientist puffed up like a mother hen.
"Johno? Who's Johno? Oh," Rodney said as Johno pushed in underneath his arm.
"I found him first," the kid explained to John, shooting him a five-year-old's version of a sympathetic look.
"And it's a good thing, too!" Rodney exclaimed. "We were going crazy looking for you. Elizabeth was worried."
"Geez, McKay, in six years you weren't able to yell me awake?" John muttered.
Rodney stared at his hands. "I didn't actually see you all that much."
"You didn't?" John looked up, shielding his eyes. "Why not?"
"Well, I was in Canada and you weren't. And it's not like you were much of a conversationalist," Rodney snapped at him.
"So you can travel between galaxies but a different part of North America is too far away?" John asked. He could see Rodney turning red and realized this fight just wasn't worth having so he extended a hand instead. "Help me up."
Rodney pulled him up handily - he must really weigh nothing. Which was good because he had to lean nearly all of his weight on Rodney to get back to camp. When they got close enough, Ronon found them, wordlessly picked John up, and carried him the rest of the way. It was weird that he didn't bother thinking to protest.
The camp was partly disassembled when they entered the clearing. Elizabeth looked at him and came over, raising an eyebrow at Rodney as Ronon set John back onto the ground. John was glad he managed to stay standing.
"I thought Dr. Beckett told you to take it easy," she scolded.
"I was," John told her. "I guess I need to rewrite my definition of easy." He looked up at Carson's shout when Zelenka let a tent collapse with him inside. "What's going on here?"
"Carson is convinced you are clean of nanites, so we're going to stay with the Athosians for a while. Lorne is taking the Perseus on some business in the Pegasus Galaxy SGC wanted him to attend to," Elizabeth told him. "We're almost done. Why don't you sit while we finish."
Stepping through the gate was everything John remembered, and soon Teyla and Ronon were showing him New Athos. John whistled when he saw the Athosian settlement. "Your people have done well, Teyla."
"Yes, they have," Teyla said, looking over the village with obvious pride on her face. "Without the threat of Wraith attack we can build permanent settlements. Solid walls are useful in winter."
"I bet," John said. He grinned at the approaching crowd. "Hey there!"
He almost didn't recognize Jinto - the boy had taken after his father and shot up taller than John - but he bowed his head to meet John's forehead. "It is good to see you well, Colonel Sheppard," he said. "Perhaps while you are visiting, you could teach us your football again? I have forgotten some of the rules."
"I'd love to, Jinto," John told him before following Teyla and Ronon to their home at the edge of town. They set up some of the tents next to the small house, but Teyla and Ronon insisted John stay in the comfort of their extra bed. It was comfortable, but John found over the next several days that, while he couldn't seem to stay alert for long, after a few hours of sleep he'd wake bathed in swear, taking long minutes to calm down and come back to himself. The others either didn’t notice or didn't mention it and John thought it wasn't worth bothering Carson over.
Several nights later he again restlessly rose sometime after midnight to find Teyla boiling water over the stove. "Wasn't expecting to find you up," he commented, sitting in one of the chairs.
"The baby was restless," Teyla said, smiling as she laid a hand on her swollen belly. "It is hard to sleep with someone kicking you from the inside, and I am hoping tea may be calming. What about you? Should you not be resting?"
"I was asleep so long, I can't seem to sleep more than a few hours at a time now." John shrugged. "I think I'm not sure I'll wake up again." He rubbed a finger along the table top, tracing the patterns in the wood grain.
Teyla sat across from him, laying two mugs between them. "What will you do when you get back to Earth?"
"I don't know," John said, wrapping his hands around the warm mug. "There isn't really anything for me there - the Air Force won't want me any more, and after Atlantis I don't think I could go back to it anyway. Honestly, the longer we stayed in Atlantis, the more convinced I was I'd be there until I died. Now," he shrugged his shoulders and sipped at the mug, smiling at the familiar taste of the Athosian nighttime tea.
"You know you would always be welcome here," Teyla pointed out, reaching across to take one of John's hands. "There are many among my people who have been proud to call you friend."
John opened his mouth to politely refuse but then thought better. What good reason did he really have to not stay? Rodney, Elizabeth, Carson, everyone he knew had their own lives now and it had been a long time since John Sheppard played an active role in them. He looked at Teyla's face and knew he wouldn't mind living out his days here. "You know what, I'll think about it."
Teyla nodded and leaned back, quietly sipping her tea. John relaxed into his own chair, appreciating the quiet. It was a huge contrast to the first cup of tea he'd shared with Teyla - nervously sipping the stout morning tea while looking for sanctuary before their newly found city succumbed to the pressure of the ocean. Before he'd learned of the Wraith and shot his commanding officer.
"I never imagined you settling down like this," John commented. "Back on Atlantis, even Rodney could barely stomach your tuttleroot soup."
Teyla laughed quietly. "My tuttleroot soup is still not up to Charin's standards, but it has improved. Truthfully, I never expected this either, but with the Wraith no longer a threat, it was possible."
"Well, you both seem happy," John said around the lump in his throat.
"I am." Teyla smiled at him. "And I believe Ronon is too."
John nodded and focused on finishing the tea without his hand shaking too much. Eventually Teyla went back to bed, leaving John to stare at the fire burning low in the stove. He was slumped asleep on the table when he was woken by morning light and giggling from outside.
Out the door he found Johno and his sister sitting with bowls of colored goo, drawing on the nearby rocks and rather liberally on each other. Johno grinned when he saw John and motioned him to join them, while his sister just looked up with big eyes. John sat down between them and looked at the colored liquid. "What do you guys have here?"
"Paint!" Johno told him while reaching a green finger to draw a stripe down John's nose, making his sister giggle. John made himself go cross-eyed, pretending to try to look at the stripe, causing Dayna to fall over in laughter.
"Two can play that game, you know," John warned, reaching for the brown-filled tub. It quickly deteriorated into a giggle-filled paint fight and by the time they were done John was pretty sure they looked like Zelenka had on his late return from M7G-677. "Oof," he breathed out. "Now what are you supposed to be doing with these paints?"
Dayna glanced at her brother and quietly pointed to the rocks they had been drawing on. John looked at her thoughtfully and reached out to color in the one clean spot on her nose, earning himself another giggle. "Let's see now," he said, thoughtfully examining the rock and the scribbles already on it. "What should I draw?"
Johno looked at him. "Mom says you used to talk a lot about…hecilopers?" he asked. "Could you draw one of those?"
"Hecilopers? Hecilopers? Oh! You mean, helicopters," John said. "Sure, I can try that. It's too bad there isn't one here or I'd fly you guys around. It's very cool."
Dayna looked up at him, eyes wide as platters. "You can fly?" she asked.
"You bet." John grinned, reaching for the paint and sketching something that looked like a helicopter if you squinted just right. "See, you sit in here and there's a window to keep the bugs out of your face," he explained, pointing to parts of the drawing. "This top bit spins really, really fast - fast enough to lift you off the ground - and this one here at the end, the tail rotor, helps you steer so you don't spin out of control. If the Taliban shoots that out, you're in trouble," he told them, remembering the rescue mission in Afghanistan. Never in his wildest dreams had he expected disobeying a direct order would land him in another galaxy.
"Are the Taliban like the Wraith?" Johno asked him. "Mom and Dad told us a little about the Wraith - they sound scary."
"No, the Taliban are just people," John explained. "But you're right, the Wraith were scary. Luckily we had a lot of brave people, like your mom and dad, who could fight them. Now, why don't you guys draw me something?"
John sat back and watched them turn the rocks into a crazy canvas of shapes and colors. Radek and Rodney came out of the tent, arguing whether some problem was np-complete as they entered Teyla and Ronon's house, most likely scavenging for anything coffee-like. A few minutes later Elizabeth emerged and came to sit next to John. "Those two were up half the night," she said, stifling a yawn. "I don't know how Carson slept through it."
"He grew up with a lot of brothers, right?" John asked. "He's probably used to it."
"I suppose," Elizabeth said. "Looks like you've made yourself some new friends."
"Yeah, they're pretty good kids," John told her. After a minute of twirling his fingers in the grass he looked back at Elizabeth. "Teyla asked me to stay with the Athosians, settle in here."
Uncertainty, maybe disappointment, crossed Elizabeth's face but it quickly faded into her normal diplomatic, bland expression. "Are you going to?"
"I'm thinking about it," John said, absentmindedly reaching out to dip a finger into the pot of light blue paint. It was cold on his finger with an underlying, tingly familiarity. Without thinking, he reached out and drew a circle on the rock in front of him, adding triangles around the edges. On the eighth chevron he realized what he was doing and pulled his hand back as though burned. He stared at the drawing a moment longer and then scrambled backwards as images rocketed through his head.
"John?" Elizabeth asked. "Are you okay? John?"
John didn't look up, concentrating on wiping all the paint off his fingers. When Elizabeth grabbed his arm the thigh of his pants was covered with stripes of blue and he could feel his whole body shaking. "Ssh, ssh, it's okay," she murmured, rubbing a hand up and down John's arm. When his only response was to pull his arm away to huddle in on himself, she shouted behind her, "Carson!"
John sat with his head in his hands, the weight of Elizabeth's arm across his shoulders the only thing holding him to the ground. The memories came back to him, like images from a dream only much too real. He remembered the nanites surging inside him, the cold, methodical way they'd controlled him, the Wraith Queen's screams. He remembered losing the battle and the ensuing darkness. He remembered being trapped in a cage of his own body for so many years, unable to speak or move. There was a window that overlooked grey waters and countless sponge baths from pretty nurses whose shirts he looked down as they scrubbed his hair, giggling at the erections he couldn't control. And there was the urge to paint, the gate address burned into his brain.
"Colonel Sheppard?" someone shouted to him, then shouted again, "John! Talk to me."
He shook his head and looked up into Elizabeth's frightened face. "I remember" was all he said before he got up and walked away. He needed to make sense of it all. That didn’t stop Elizabeth from following him. They walked in silence for several minutes.
"Rodney didn't visit me for a long time," he said, not looking at her as they continued walking among the trees.
"No, he didn't," she said with a sigh. "At first, he was angry at himself and us for what happened but really, I think he was terrified of you. Rodney relies so much on his brain, you can imagine how scary your condition would be for him."
"It's not like he could have caught it from me," John said, sounding more petulant than he meant to.
"True," Elizabeth said. "So you really remember - does that mean you were aware the whole time? Because sometimes, when I visited, I thought you knew me."
John shook his head, frustrated. "It's not clear - like remembering lots of images from a dream but not being able to piece them together. I don't know if I was aware then or if I'm just remembering."
"I'm sorry," Elizabeth said. John looked at her in surprise, wondering what she had to be sorry for. "I'm sorry we let it happen, and I'm sorry it took so long to help you."
"Are you kidding?" John asked. "Look at all the times I should have died taking out a few Wraith hive ships. What happened was a small price to pay for completely getting rid of them. It's not like I expected to live forever. And you can't honestly think it was your fault." Even as he said it, he knew the truth. He knew how many people's deaths he atoned for that weren't technically his fault. And Elizabeth had even more responsibility on Atlantis than he did.
"Look, you guys brought me back. You never gave up on me," John told her, taking her shoulders and looking her in the eyes. "No regrets on the past, all right?" She looked at him and nodded. Walking back he felt something uncoiling inside him and he stumbled when it released. Elizabeth reached a hand out but he waved her off, smiling slightly. He didn't want her to worry about him anymore.
The next few weeks passed slow and lazy. None of the others seemed rushed to return to their lives, though Carson did complain a few times about missing his family. John had no life to return to. His strength slowly returned with increasingly longer walks and he re-taught the Athosians football, occasionally jumping in from the sidelines for a few plays. Often he'd sit back in the sun and listen to Rodney and Radek bicker about physics or he'd play games of chess with Elizabeth, even though she always won. Ronon even went easy on him when he asked to try sparring again. If there was one thing life had taught him, it was to enjoy quiet when it came because it never seemed to last.
The afternoon before the Perseus was due to return John sat with Ronon and watched Zelenka massacre Carson over a chessboard. Zelenka was in the process of trapping Carson's queen when Rodney walked over and whispered in John's ear, suggesting a flight in the puddle jumper. John's body still felt alien to him - the way his hips creaked and hands sometimes shook - but the puddle jumper brought him back to himself in a way nothing else had. The effortless way the controls responded made him wonder if a ship could miss a pilot.
John flew low to skim the trees, high above the clouds until the view screen filled with stars, and, with a smirk to a white-knuckled Rodney, dove the jumper into the planet's ocean before exploding out again in a fountain of droplets. As he spun out, high above the ocean, he couldn't resist an excited whoop at finally being alive again.
"I thought you missed this," Rodney commented just as John was beginning to notice his companion's unusual silence. "Even when you were…well, you seemed to remember that you liked flying."
For just a second John felt himself standing beside grey waters with the wind blowing in his hair and past arms outstretched like wings. Only the solid, familiar, finally there-again presence of Rodney at his side held him to the ground. Unlike most fragments from the past six years, this image filled him with a sense of peace that still made him shiver.
"Sheppard?" Rodney interrupted his thoughts and John looked over to where Rodney was examining the HUD. Rodney had rarely met his eyes these past few weeks. "Do you remember when I thought something was going to happen and you made me go home anyway?"
John sighed. He'd been waiting for, dreading this conversation, and was surprised it hadn't come sooner. "First Elizabeth, now you. Look, if anyone gets to take the blame for what happened, it's me. I'm the one who lost the fight, the one they used." John angled the puddle jumper to fly along the surface of the water, low enough to pull a wave behind them. "You guys had six years to get over what happened so why am I the only who's managed to move on?"
John caught Rodney's surprised look out the corner of his eyes. "You're really okay with it? Just like that?"
"I don't know if I'm okay with it," John said, thinking for a minute. "I guess, look, you found a way to buy me this time I shouldn't have. It doesn't seem worth wasting it by dwelling on things I can't change. I guess having been a eggplant gave me a new perspective." He smiled a bit at Rodney and then pulled the jumper into a sudden climb, laughing as the physicist scrambled to grab his armrests despite the jumper's inertial dampeners protecting them from truly feeling the climb.
He let Rodney fly on the way back and didn't even comment when the jumper didn't quite manage a straight line. When they landed, Rodney finally really met his eyes and John placed a hand on his shoulder as they exited the jumper. A final tension inside him finally relaxed and he knew they were going to be okay.
That night they sat around Teyla and Ronon's table for one final meal together. John still hadn't decided whether he would be leaving with the Perseus, and the unasked question hovered over the table. He figured he would flip a coin in the morning.
"Are these tava beans?" Rodney asked, wrinkling his nose at the bowl in front of him as he lifted his spoon to watch the brown lumps plop back down.
Teyla laughed. "Yes, Rodney, they are. You must have missed their flavor while you were on Earth."
"Hardly," Rodney scoffed. "They taste like underground bunkers and kidnapping and nuclear research without appropriate radiation shielding."
"The Genii have become good trading partners," Teyla told him. "Ladon has brought much change to his people."
"That's good to hear," Elizabeth said, reaching for the bread. "For all their faults, the Genii had a lot of potential."
"Right. They were especially good at those Wraith-infested torture chambers," Rodney snapped. John flinched at the memory, dragging his fork across his plate. Rodney looked at him and stammered, "I'm sorry…I didn't…"
"It's okay," John waved a hand dismissively. "Just don't kiss Beckett again or I'll really start having flashbacks."
"Ugh," Carson grumbled into his soup. "You had to remind me."
"That wasn't me!" Rodney declared. "I told you, Cadman had taken over my body."
"Sure, that's what you claim," Carson joked. "She had an awful lot of stubble."
"You should talk," Rodney stammered. "At least Sheppard never shot you!"
"He shot me," Ronon pointed out. "So did Dr. Weir."
"Hey now," Elizabeth protested. "Don't drag me into this."
"You know, you were a lot nicer when Cadman was in control," Zelenka remarked, thoughtfully looking at Rodney.
"Oh, don't you start now! You're the one who kept turning those mice into charcoal!" Rodney pointed a finger at Zelenka.
The meal went long into the night as memories were shared and the occasional dinner roll was thrown. When the sun set, Teyla lit candles to keep out the dark and the conversation continued - laughing at the good memories, sobering at the hard ones. Dayna had long ago fallen asleep on her mother's lap and Johno was nodding off against Ronon's arm. John sat back in his chair, smiling as he watched his friends, letting their conversation wash over him. Being with these people felt more like home than anything he could remember. During his time in the Sanctuary, Teer and her brother had told him about peace like this, tried to teach him to reach it through mediation, but he had too many worries, too many responsibilities. Now he closed his eyes, letting the warmth envelope him and the peace fill his bones, listening as the voices slowly faded.
"Colonel Sheppard! Colonel Sheppard!" Somebody was shaking him. He thought about pushing the hand away, but it was too much effort. "Carson! What's wrong with him?"
"John, can you hear me? John?" There were more hands on him, insistent voices calling him. He tried to reach out, tried to tell them not to worry, that everything was better than okay, but he just couldn't.
"Is he glowing? Why is he glowing? CARSON!"
"John, don't do this, John, come back - we didn't come all this way to lose you now." The voices were more distant now. He knew they should matter but the universe was stretching before him and he couldn't be bothered by what was immediately around him.
"Sheppard!" There was a slap across his face, hard enough to bring him back. "Don't you dare leave us after everything we've done for you! We just got you back." Rodney's voice was almost a sob and John cracked open an eye, reaching out to grab McKay's hand before he could lay another slap across his face.
"It's okay, Rodney. Trust me," he told the panicked scientist, watching as the hand on Rodney's arm began glowing around the edges.
He leaned back and smiled as everything faded into a bright light and he flew.
{The End}
( part 1) ( part 2) ( part 3) ( part 4)