Torchwood IMs: Final Day
Title: Final Day
Chapter: 71
Characters: Ianto Jones, Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, Rhys Williams
Author: a_silver_story
Genre Humour
Rating: G
Warnings: Cuteness. Wayyyy too much cuteness.
Disclaimer: If I owned anything in this, I'd be a rich rich rich bitch. However, I am not a rich rich rich bitch so you may all, therefore, assume I own nothing. Which I don't. It all belongs RTD and the BBC, in case any of you didn't know.
Summary: Can't be bothered summarising.
FIRST PART | Ianto and Gwen's IM's
PREVIOUS | Torchwood Index/Masterlist
71 |
Jack decided to take Ianto home that night so that there was less danger of him rolling over and crushing the little bugger. Ianto looked glad to be home, and couldn’t help but squeal in delight when Jack started running him a very, very bubbly bath.
After splashing about in the lavender bubbles for nearly an hour, Jack noticed that the little boy was getting shivery as well as pruney, and had to take him out. He wrapped him in a large, fluffy towel from the radiator and took him through to the living room to cuddle on the sofa. Ianto didn’t take long to drift off, and Jack watched telly and stroked his hair until it was dry.
Letting out a sigh, he gently lifted the baby and cradled him, carrying him through to the bedroom.
It was then that Jack had his most brilliantly, hilariously evil idea.
~*~*~*~
Ianto woke, snuggled and comfortable in the now seemingly massive pillows of his suddenly enormous bed. He managed to prise his eyes open, his baby vision a little blurry. Blinking a couple of times to bring everything into focus, he squinted in the light and -
“Helloooooooooow you!” said a man’s voice.
“He’s. Beyond. Adorable.” a woman’s voice joined in - southern, by the sound of it.
“Awwwww look at his wittul eyesies!” said another female. Hang on ... that sounded like ...
“Marfa?” he squeaked, realising for the first time he was currently the subject of close scrutiny by three very big people.
“Awwwwwwwwww!” all three of them chorused. Ianto peered into each of their faces. He recognised Martha, obviously, and Jack. The red-headed woman was definitely Donna - which meant the spiky-haired brown-eyed big-smiled very skinny man in front of him was the Doctor. Ianto recognised him from the sub-wave video feed, and couldn’t stop his features from forming a disapproving scowl. The scowl earnt him another chorus of “awwwwwwwwwwww!”
“May as well put on a show ...” he thought, stretching out his little limbs and yawning as adorably as he could. He caught sight of himself in the mirror, and let out a distraught cry. No wonder he felt so snuggly and warm - he was wearing an orange all-in-one. More precisely, an orange all-in-one with black tiger stripes, tail and hood with ears. Jack had forced him into the Tigger pyjamas while he was sleeping. Ianto couldn’t help it. He let out a wail of despair.
Donna was lifting him up to comfort him. She was strong and he felt strangely safe as she cooed and soothed him. Jack was stroking his head, and even gave one of the little round Tigger ears a tug. Ianto pouted at him, and quietened.
He was manhandled over to the Doctor next, and soon found himself sat on the Time Lord’s shoulders, squealing like the baby he’d become. He laughed and babbled, and rode on the Doctor’s shoulders as everyone filed into the living room. He found himself bundled on to the sofa, Jack sat at the other end, the Doctor cross-legged on the floor and flanked by Martha and Donna. The Doctor took out a little silver stick with a blue light on the end and buzzed it in Ianto's direction. He followed it with his eyes for a couple of seconds, but found he was getting quite annoyed with it. The Doctor was mumbling about how fascinating he was, and the second he looked away Ianto lunged for the light. He pulled it out of the Doctor’s grip and bashed him on the head with it.
“Top it!” Ianto demanded. The entire room broke into their chorus of “awwwwws!” and Ianto rolled his eyes, making them coo and poke and prod him even more. Disgruntled, he held his arms out for Martha again. “Marfaaa!”
She lifted him a little gingerly, but kept a firm grip. He wriggled to get comfortable, put his arms around her neck and grinned. She kissed his cheek and felt himself blush and giggled shyly as she sat down with him on her lap. The Doctor hauled himself to his feet as Donna perched beside Martha and Ianto, heading off to make tea and warm milk for them all. Jack followed him.
“Well?” asked Jack, serious.
“You’re right: all the signs say it’s more of a shrink than a regression. His brain seems to be maintaining adult function, despite it being less than half the size it was. And like you said ... scars.” The Doctor filled the kettle then set it on its stand to boil. “He should be fine by tonight, Jack. His cells are already gearing up to reverse the entire thing, it seems.”
“But he’s safe?”
“Yep.” grinned the Doctor. “And beyond adorable!”
“Should’ve seen him before. Miniature suit!”
“I think Tigger steals the show, though.”
“Ohhh I don’t know ...”
“C’monnnnnn! Look at the little orange bundle of ... squee.”
“Squee?”
“I think I read it in a blog somewhere. Story of Silver or something ...”
“Oh. Anyway ... you think Tigger’s cute? Wait ‘til you see the snail?”
“Snail?”
~*~*~*~
Ianto gave them the most withering glare he could muster. He’d been forced into another baby grow, this time blue with a green belly. A hat that fastened under his chin was plonked on his head. Now, they were trying to force something on elastic straps over his arms. His little armies and leggies could only flail for so long before they ached, and in the end he had to submit to being manipulated by Donna and Jack’s will.
Now, he was lying on his stomach, on his bed, glaring. On his stomach, on his bed, glaring ... and dressed like a snail. And they were taking pictures. Lots of pictures. “Dun-ahhh!” he cried, but all she did was ‘awwwwww’ at him. “Marfaaaaah!” he tried. She beamed in delight, and picked him up under his arms.
“We should take him to the hub and show Gwen!” she cooed.
“Noh noh noh noh noh noh noh!” chanted Ianto, shaking his head. A hand on his head made him still the action.
“Careful, young man.” said the Doctor seriously. “You’ve only got a little brain in there, and knocking it against the sides of your skull at such a young age is a very, very bad idea.”
Ianto bit his lip. He decided he didn’t like the Doctor being serious. Holding out his hands and clasping them in mid-air, he begged to be held. The Doctor looked a little taken aback at Ianto requesting for him to hold him, but grinned and complied anyway. He soon swung Ianto up onto his shoulders again, and they began to make their way to the SUV.
The Doctor sat in the middle in the back with Ianto on his lap, while Donna and Martha squeezed in either side of him. Jack drove, turning round at every traffic light to beam at them all.
“Road!” yelled Ianto, to the delight of the women. He wriggled behind the seatbelt the Doctor had wrapped around them both, and managed to get himself facing the Doctor and comfortable enough to look at him properly. He never really stayed still for long, so getting a proper look had been hard. But now, Ianto saw it.
The Doctor used the wrong bloody knot on his tie.
“Skinniee wong.” Ianto informed him. The Doctor frowned, not understanding. Ianto pulled at his tie a little. “Wong!” he pointed at the knot. “Skinniee! Wong! Knot!”
“I don’t understand. I’m sorry, Ianto.”
Ianto practically slapped himself on the forehead. “Skinnee! Wong! Knot! Windsar wong! four in hand wight!”
“You any ideas, Jack?” asked Donna.
“Hmm?”
Donna repeated what Ianto had been babbling. “Skinnie, wong, not, windsar, wong, four in hand, wight.”
Jack sniggered. “He thinks you’ve used the wrong knot on your tie, Doctor.” he laughed. “Thinks you should use a Four-in-Hand instead of a Windsor.”
Ianto nodded. The Doctor raised an eyebrow with an incredulous expression. “Bugger off. It’s fine how it is!” said the Doctor, as if this was the end of the matter. Ianto widened his eyes, his bottom lip poking out just the right amount. He balled up his little hands and pulled them into his chest, not breaking eye contact with the Doctor.
“You could be used as a weapon with that act.” sighed the Doctor. “But I’m not falling for it.”
Ianto sniffed a little baby sniff.
“Okay okay I’ll re-tie it!” cooed the Doctor, sounding annoyed but looking as though is insides had melted. The snail outfit probably helped. “Anyone for ice-cream?” said the Doctor suddenly, spotting an ice-cream van part way through re-doing his tie.
“Ohh yes please!” chimed Donna and Martha. Jack smiled to himself and pulled over to where the van was parked, and they all got out to examine what was on offer in the window. They sat Ianto on the edge of the hatch, Donna keeping her hands firmly on his waist, while the ice-cream man showered him with adoration and free chocolate Flakes to suck on.
“Wings!” shouted Ianto, interrupting Jack’s attempt to persuade them back to the SUV.
“Where?” said the Doctor, suddenly alert and searching for danger.
“He means swings.” sighed Jack. “You went to the park yesterday. Besides, you’ll get your shell dirty.”
Ianto scowled. “Off! Wings! Marfa! Don-ah! Dok-tah! Wings!”
“Well, I suppose it would make it easier not to have a baby to look after while I’m at work ...” pondered Jack. “You wouldn’t mind taking him to the park? It’s literally five minutes that way ...” Jack pointed. “And he only really likes to go on the roundabout and the swings. Only the kiddie swings. And not too high - he doesn’t like it. Not too fast on the roundabout either - he’s only little. Tiny, even. I’ve got him a bag of clothes in the car in case he needs changing, and ...”
“Alright!” interrupted the Doctor. “Time Lord, remember? I think I can look after one tiny human baby with an adult brain for one morning!”
Jack, Donna and Martha all gave him the same dubious look.
“With help from these two fine ladies, obviously.” he implored, shifting a little.
“YAY!” squealed Ianto, holding his arms out for the Doctor again. As before, the Doctor seemed surprised at the requested attention, but scooped him up anyway, throwing him over his shoulder in a fireman’s lift that made Ianto giggle with delight.
“C’mon then you little horror.” said the Doctor. “Bye Jack!”
“Bye Jack.” said Martha, giving him a hug and taking Ianto's bag of spare clothes. “See ya later!”
Donna hugged him very forcefully, giving a very girly “Bye Jack!” and a dopey grin. Jack winked at her.
“Later, Red.” he gave her his cheeky smile and climbed into the SUV. The Doctor, Donna and Martha waved him off. They set off in what they thought was the direction of the park until Ianto, still flung over the Doctor’s shoulder and only able to see what was behind them, gave them a very bored-sounding ‘wong way’.
~*~*~*~
“Owen? Owen, is that you again?”
Ianto lifted his head, recognising his sister’s voice. He was sat on Martha’s lap, waiting for the Doctor and Donna to come back with drinks from the ice-cream van. He panicked, pointing at Rhiannon and then himself. “Me fink call Owen!” he tried to explain. Martha nodded, turning with a warm smile to the woman approaching. She had a little girl with her. Ianto noticed that the little girl’s mother and brother were nowhere to be seen. Brought along as an excuse in case Jack came back with his nephew, perhaps?
“Hello.” greeted Martha. “And you would be ...?”
“Oh ... I’m Rhiannon. I met little Owen yesterday when I brought my step-kids to pla - is he dressed as a snail? That is the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen! Look, Mica. Owen’s dressed as a snail!”
Mica smiled a little nervously. “He looks silly, Rhi.”
“So ?” said Rhiannon. “Um ... are you ... his ... er?”
“Friend of the family.” Martha finished for her. “You wanna sit?”
“Mica, go and play.” smiled Rhiannon, sitting herself down. Mica ran off to the climbing frame. “So ... you know Owen’s Uncle Jack then?”
“Yes.” smiled Martha. “He’s lovely, isn’t he?”
“Then you’ll know Ianto?”
“Oh yes.”
Rhiannon smiled. Ianto was holding his little arms out to her, and she conceded and pulled him close. “Look at you. What have you mammy and daddy gone and done to you today, eh?” Ianto pouted for her, looking subdued. She cooed at him and Martha laughed.
“Mammy!” squealed Ianto as Donna returned from the ice-cream van with a little cup of orange juice and a can of coke for Martha. Any shock she had at the initial honorific was quickly masked.
“Alright, daw’lin’?” she cooed, setting the juice down and quickly catching on to the stranger.
“Rhiannon met Owen with his Uncle Jack yesterday.” Martha explained. “Rhiannon knows Jack and Ianto.”
“Ahh! Glad to meet you!” grinned Donna, pouring the juice into a clean bottle that Jack had provided in case Ianto still couldn’t manage to drink from cups without having a sticky bath at the same time. The baby started sucking at the bottle greedily, tearing himself away from it with a ‘pop’ as he kept up his little act in a cry of “Daddy!”
Again, the Doctor cottoned on just as quick as Donna.
“This is Rhiannon. She met Owen with his Uncle Jack yesterday. And she knows Jack and Ianto.” explained Donna. “... darling.” she added.
“So ... you’re Jack’s brother?” asked Rhiannon, handing ‘Owen’ to Donna as she assumed pretending to be Mammy. The Doctor decided to nod. “I see the resemblance - physically anyway. Apart from the fact you’re so very, very, very, very ,very skinny.” she grinned.
“Cloves.” Ianto said very matter-of-factly to Donna. She rolled her eyes.
“I think his lordship wants to get changed.” she said. “We could at least take the shell off.”
“Cloves.” repeated Ianto. “Jeans and t-shirt, Donna. Suit if I can - but please, I’m fed up of being the show pony ... okay ... snail.” She couldn’t hear him, but he hoped his pleas would show in his little face that they all seemed to think was dangerously adorable.
~*~*~*~
It didn’t work. Ianto found himself being hoisted onto the Doctor’s shoulders as they bade goodbye to Rhiannon and Mica and began the walk back to Roald Dahl Plass. He attracted lots of broody ‘awwws’ and giggles, several old women stopping to tell the Doctor and Donna just how proud they must be to have such a well behaved and beautiful little boy.
The whole time they were unaware that Rhiannon and Mica were always hiding twenty feet behind.
~*~*~*~
Finally, Gwen had stopped cooing, Jack had dressed him in normal clothes and Martha and Donna were starting to think about home - but not before uploading all the photos of Ianto sleeping as a mini-Tigger or scowling as a little snail onto Facebook, of course. The Doctor had buzzed and prodded the tech that had transformed him for the past hour or so, and was fairly confident that Jack’s assumption of it being a practical joke toy with little or no side effect was, indeed, the truth. Jack neglected to tell him he’d used the little machine before, but he had a feeling the Doctor would know anyway.
Jack wouldn’t allow them to use the Tourist Centre Office as it was supposedly temporarily shut, so Martha, Donna and the Doctor rode the hydraulic lift to the Plass. Jack wasn’t entirely sure where they’d parked the TARDIS, but since it was very nearly time for Ianto to start growing again, he didn’t really care too much.
He carefully carried Ianto down into his little shelter and sat him on the bed. Producing a burgundy shirt from the wardrobe, he started pulling off Ianto's little clothes and draping the silk shirt around him to keep him warm. They snuggled together on Jack’s bed, and waited.
~*~*~*~
Jack didn’t realise he’d fallen asleep until he was rudely awoken by a pillow being smacked into his face.
“You bastard! You dressed me as a snail! And a Tigger! I had to be a baby and I had to tell my sister that ... that ...” his voice faltered. “... that my name was Owen.”
“I’m sorry. It ... it was the only name that I could think of.”
Ianto made a very infant-like ‘hmph’ noise, turned and started to hoist himself up the ladder. Jack was a little disappointed to note that Ianto had pulled on some boxers before he’d woke him up, and didn’t get the view he really, really wanted.
“Hey! Hey!” Jack shot up the hatch after him. “Hey! C’mere.” He pulled Ianto into a hug, and smiled as he felt himself squeezed into Ianto's body just as hard.
“Thanks for ... y’know ... looking after me. Even though I was a bit of a bastard to you.”
“Well ... how could I say no to that little face?” Jack grinned, pulling his head back and looking at Ianto. Ianto leaned in and kissed him, gently probing his tongue into Jack’s mouth and stroking its partner gently. They broke apart.
Ianto punched him. He laughed, a little evilly, and Jack stumbled back, clutching the side of his face.
“You dressed me as Tigger. Everyone knows I prefer Piglet.” smirked Ianto.
“Yeah?” challenged Jack.
“Oh, yeah.” replied Ianto.
Jack rugby tackled him out of the office, lifting Ianto clean off the floor and eventually being thrown onto the couch by the workstations.
“Gwen gone home?” panted Ianto, grabbing Jack’s wrists.
“Yeah.” grinned the Captain.
Ianto used his leg on the wall to give him enough leverage to flip Jack off him and on to the floor. He landed on top of him, straddling his hips and leaning down to kiss him hard. Jack’s hands were everywhere- rumpling his shirt, pulling at buttons, yanking down his boxers and snaking under the material to run hands over the skin of his back.
“This reminds me ...” panted Jack, breaking the kiss. Ianto started making a divine attack on his neck and shoulder, and he found it a little difficult to concentrate. “I thought of a nickname for you ...”
Ianto didn’t stop, he simply spoke into the skin of Jack’s neck and continued unfastening buttons and pulling at the clips of his braces. “Don’ like pet names.”
“Just for us.” whispered Jack. “Only us. When we’re alone.”
Ianto paused and seemed to calculate something in his head. He raised himself, leaning on his hands. “What is it?”
“Cappuccino.” Ianto raised an eyebrow. “Because ... you’re all pale and sweet on top, but underneath you’re so much deeper, richer and ... darker. And I was thinking Chino for short.”
Ianto's other eyebrow joined its twin. “We’ll give it a go.” he sighed. Jack smiled, reaching up to stroke his cheek. Ianto couldn’t help but return the smile, and was soon rewarded by the yank of his collar and the cold, concrete floor hitting his back. Jack’s mouth was pulling open buttons as it travelled towards his waistline, and Ianto laid his head back and sighed in pleasure as the cold air hit his erection, quickly followed by Jack’s tongue.
Somehow, Ianto managed to get his trousers off without disturbing Jack too much, and Jack’s own slacks quickly followed. Ianto wore his shirt completely open, and Jack only had his white undershirt on. Ianto was folded practically in half as Jack stopped sucking his cock, crawling up him to kiss his mouth. Ianto began fumbling with his discarded trousers, and eventually his tube of lubricant found itself snapped open.
“Ohhh no you don’t!” smirked Jack, pulling his favourite trick of catching the lube on his own fingers before it got to Ianto’s. Ianto smirked at him, giving his lip a flirtatious bite. “I’m thinking ... standing, leaning over the walkway railings? By the water tower?”
Ianto was already on his feet, and soon his fingers were wrapped around the cold metal railing. Jack made no preposition as he slid his finger inside Ianto, and relished in the expression that smoothed itself over his partner’s features. He moved it gently, feeling the little bundle of nerves under his finger and curving his knuckle against it slightly. Ianto moaned his name, breathing deep. Jack slid in his middle finger and repeated the trick, making sure that when he scissored his fingers he’d twist them right against the sweet spot.
Rubbing the gel between his hands, he applied it to his own cock, lining himself up against Ianto’s hole and pressing forward. Ianto arched his back into him, and Jack found his mouth with his. They kissed, mainly tongues in their awkward position, and Ianto raised an arm from the railings to slide behind Jack’s neck and stroke the fine hairs there.
Finally, Jack started to move, fucking him with short, sharp thrusts and leaving a teasing pause between each one. Ianto moaned and groaned an writhed, the cold railing brushing the top of his erection and making him shudder and shiver in equal measure. Jack gently nipped his shoulder and sucked a bruise, licking over the teeth marks and listening to Ianto moaning in his arms. Jack began thrusting a little faster, stroking Ianto's dick with the same rhythm as his fucking
The pace kicked up a notch, Ianto pleasing Jack with his vocal encouragement, letting out a cry on each of Jack’s inward thrusts and spurring him on. Jack was gasping, crying out to gods and kissing his neck and jawline over and over again.
It wasn’t until they heard a yell of shock and a squeal of complete astonishment breaking their little bubble of ecstasy that they realised the hydraulic lift had set in motion.
~*~*~*~
Rhiannon had stood for too long on the paving stone, simple as. The sensors recognised the traces of Ianto-DNA in her, and kicked in, lowering her down into the hub.
She’d followed them from the park, then frozen in shock when three people and a baby dressed as a snail disappeared before her eyes. She'd taken Mica home, returning to the Plass in total confusion. She bought a drink from a cafe where she could get a proper view of where she’d seen them vanish - near the water tower - and waited. Eventually, the three adults had returned, minus the child. They simply blinked into existence then wandered off as if nothing had happened.
Rhiannon knew Ianto's Tourist Centre was nearby, and practically ran there. It was locked, however, and she banged on it frustration. Where was he? He hadn’t returned any calls, texts or messages for an unusually (for Ianto) long time.
Rhiannon returned to the tower, glaring at it as though it was responsible for the odd goings on. She stayed there for hours, long after it was dark, until her feet ached and her knees didn’t want to hold her up anymore. She took a step away, and noticed a young man hurrying across the Plass.
“’Scuse me! What time is it?” she called. He ignored her. “Rude bastard .... wah!” she let out a yelp of shock as the ground below her moved, taking her down below into darkness.
She blushed a little when she realised she could hear people having sex, their cries and sighs echoing around the cavern she was being lowered into. Rhiannon peered down, and took in the sight of desks and a couch, a pool - an office and a gangway ... a greenhouse? Several floors. A big corridor stretched away into darkness ...
“Jack ... Jack ... oh ... fuck ... Jack ...”
Rhiannon shuddered. Cautiously she looked down and saw the unmistakable figure of Jack Harkness in nothing but a white t-shirt having sex with ... with another man. She couldn’t see his face, and his voice was higher pitched than she guessed it would be in his throes of ecstasy. They had their backs to her, clinging to a railing, and didn’t even notice the noisy lift had been activated.
She decided to ignore the questions of where this place was, how she’d got there or what this place was for. This person must be the man Jack was fucking behind her little brother’s back - there was no way Ianto would have sex away from a bed, after all - and before she knew she could stop herself, she let out an angry yell.
The men froze, Jack turned, making no attempt to cover himself, and gave her a look of pure venom.
“Little busy here, Rhiannon. Maybe come back later?” He’d positioned himself to protect the modesty of the man behind him, reaching back a bit to offer a little support. His lover poked his head over Jack’s shoulder, snaking arms around him from behind. His face was flushing bright red, and his eyes couldn’t meet Rhiannon’s - Rhiannon very quickly found she couldn’t meet his either.
No mistake. She’d just intruded on Jack and Ianto having sex.
FIN
I PROMISE to post the minion icons tomorrow. Just waiting for one more promised entry and then we can Rick 'n Roll (haha. Terrible 'in' joke ...)
Next Part | Previous Part | Torchwood Index | Request a Convo/Prose Fic
Chapter: 71
Characters: Ianto Jones, Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, Rhys Williams
Author: a_silver_story
Genre Humour
Rating: G
Warnings: Cuteness. Wayyyy too much cuteness.
Disclaimer: If I owned anything in this, I'd be a rich rich rich bitch. However, I am not a rich rich rich bitch so you may all, therefore, assume I own nothing. Which I don't. It all belongs RTD and the BBC, in case any of you didn't know.
Summary: Can't be bothered summarising.
FIRST PART | Ianto and Gwen's IM's
PREVIOUS | Torchwood Index/Masterlist
71 |
Jack decided to take Ianto home that night so that there was less danger of him rolling over and crushing the little bugger. Ianto looked glad to be home, and couldn’t help but squeal in delight when Jack started running him a very, very bubbly bath.
After splashing about in the lavender bubbles for nearly an hour, Jack noticed that the little boy was getting shivery as well as pruney, and had to take him out. He wrapped him in a large, fluffy towel from the radiator and took him through to the living room to cuddle on the sofa. Ianto didn’t take long to drift off, and Jack watched telly and stroked his hair until it was dry.
Letting out a sigh, he gently lifted the baby and cradled him, carrying him through to the bedroom.
It was then that Jack had his most brilliantly, hilariously evil idea.
~*~*~*~
Ianto woke, snuggled and comfortable in the now seemingly massive pillows of his suddenly enormous bed. He managed to prise his eyes open, his baby vision a little blurry. Blinking a couple of times to bring everything into focus, he squinted in the light and -
“Helloooooooooow you!” said a man’s voice.
“He’s. Beyond. Adorable.” a woman’s voice joined in - southern, by the sound of it.
“Awwwww look at his wittul eyesies!” said another female. Hang on ... that sounded like ...
“Marfa?” he squeaked, realising for the first time he was currently the subject of close scrutiny by three very big people.
“Awwwwwwwwww!” all three of them chorused. Ianto peered into each of their faces. He recognised Martha, obviously, and Jack. The red-headed woman was definitely Donna - which meant the spiky-haired brown-eyed big-smiled very skinny man in front of him was the Doctor. Ianto recognised him from the sub-wave video feed, and couldn’t stop his features from forming a disapproving scowl. The scowl earnt him another chorus of “awwwwwwwwwwww!”
“May as well put on a show ...” he thought, stretching out his little limbs and yawning as adorably as he could. He caught sight of himself in the mirror, and let out a distraught cry. No wonder he felt so snuggly and warm - he was wearing an orange all-in-one. More precisely, an orange all-in-one with black tiger stripes, tail and hood with ears. Jack had forced him into the Tigger pyjamas while he was sleeping. Ianto couldn’t help it. He let out a wail of despair.
Donna was lifting him up to comfort him. She was strong and he felt strangely safe as she cooed and soothed him. Jack was stroking his head, and even gave one of the little round Tigger ears a tug. Ianto pouted at him, and quietened.
He was manhandled over to the Doctor next, and soon found himself sat on the Time Lord’s shoulders, squealing like the baby he’d become. He laughed and babbled, and rode on the Doctor’s shoulders as everyone filed into the living room. He found himself bundled on to the sofa, Jack sat at the other end, the Doctor cross-legged on the floor and flanked by Martha and Donna. The Doctor took out a little silver stick with a blue light on the end and buzzed it in Ianto's direction. He followed it with his eyes for a couple of seconds, but found he was getting quite annoyed with it. The Doctor was mumbling about how fascinating he was, and the second he looked away Ianto lunged for the light. He pulled it out of the Doctor’s grip and bashed him on the head with it.
“Top it!” Ianto demanded. The entire room broke into their chorus of “awwwwws!” and Ianto rolled his eyes, making them coo and poke and prod him even more. Disgruntled, he held his arms out for Martha again. “Marfaaa!”
She lifted him a little gingerly, but kept a firm grip. He wriggled to get comfortable, put his arms around her neck and grinned. She kissed his cheek and felt himself blush and giggled shyly as she sat down with him on her lap. The Doctor hauled himself to his feet as Donna perched beside Martha and Ianto, heading off to make tea and warm milk for them all. Jack followed him.
“Well?” asked Jack, serious.
“You’re right: all the signs say it’s more of a shrink than a regression. His brain seems to be maintaining adult function, despite it being less than half the size it was. And like you said ... scars.” The Doctor filled the kettle then set it on its stand to boil. “He should be fine by tonight, Jack. His cells are already gearing up to reverse the entire thing, it seems.”
“But he’s safe?”
“Yep.” grinned the Doctor. “And beyond adorable!”
“Should’ve seen him before. Miniature suit!”
“I think Tigger steals the show, though.”
“Ohhh I don’t know ...”
“C’monnnnnn! Look at the little orange bundle of ... squee.”
“Squee?”
“I think I read it in a blog somewhere. Story of Silver or something ...”
“Oh. Anyway ... you think Tigger’s cute? Wait ‘til you see the snail?”
“Snail?”
~*~*~*~
Ianto gave them the most withering glare he could muster. He’d been forced into another baby grow, this time blue with a green belly. A hat that fastened under his chin was plonked on his head. Now, they were trying to force something on elastic straps over his arms. His little armies and leggies could only flail for so long before they ached, and in the end he had to submit to being manipulated by Donna and Jack’s will.
Now, he was lying on his stomach, on his bed, glaring. On his stomach, on his bed, glaring ... and dressed like a snail. And they were taking pictures. Lots of pictures. “Dun-ahhh!” he cried, but all she did was ‘awwwwww’ at him. “Marfaaaaah!” he tried. She beamed in delight, and picked him up under his arms.
“We should take him to the hub and show Gwen!” she cooed.
“Noh noh noh noh noh noh noh!” chanted Ianto, shaking his head. A hand on his head made him still the action.
“Careful, young man.” said the Doctor seriously. “You’ve only got a little brain in there, and knocking it against the sides of your skull at such a young age is a very, very bad idea.”
Ianto bit his lip. He decided he didn’t like the Doctor being serious. Holding out his hands and clasping them in mid-air, he begged to be held. The Doctor looked a little taken aback at Ianto requesting for him to hold him, but grinned and complied anyway. He soon swung Ianto up onto his shoulders again, and they began to make their way to the SUV.
The Doctor sat in the middle in the back with Ianto on his lap, while Donna and Martha squeezed in either side of him. Jack drove, turning round at every traffic light to beam at them all.
“Road!” yelled Ianto, to the delight of the women. He wriggled behind the seatbelt the Doctor had wrapped around them both, and managed to get himself facing the Doctor and comfortable enough to look at him properly. He never really stayed still for long, so getting a proper look had been hard. But now, Ianto saw it.
The Doctor used the wrong bloody knot on his tie.
“Skinniee wong.” Ianto informed him. The Doctor frowned, not understanding. Ianto pulled at his tie a little. “Wong!” he pointed at the knot. “Skinniee! Wong! Knot!”
“I don’t understand. I’m sorry, Ianto.”
Ianto practically slapped himself on the forehead. “Skinnee! Wong! Knot! Windsar wong! four in hand wight!”
“You any ideas, Jack?” asked Donna.
“Hmm?”
Donna repeated what Ianto had been babbling. “Skinnie, wong, not, windsar, wong, four in hand, wight.”
Jack sniggered. “He thinks you’ve used the wrong knot on your tie, Doctor.” he laughed. “Thinks you should use a Four-in-Hand instead of a Windsor.”
Ianto nodded. The Doctor raised an eyebrow with an incredulous expression. “Bugger off. It’s fine how it is!” said the Doctor, as if this was the end of the matter. Ianto widened his eyes, his bottom lip poking out just the right amount. He balled up his little hands and pulled them into his chest, not breaking eye contact with the Doctor.
“You could be used as a weapon with that act.” sighed the Doctor. “But I’m not falling for it.”
Ianto sniffed a little baby sniff.
“Okay okay I’ll re-tie it!” cooed the Doctor, sounding annoyed but looking as though is insides had melted. The snail outfit probably helped. “Anyone for ice-cream?” said the Doctor suddenly, spotting an ice-cream van part way through re-doing his tie.
“Ohh yes please!” chimed Donna and Martha. Jack smiled to himself and pulled over to where the van was parked, and they all got out to examine what was on offer in the window. They sat Ianto on the edge of the hatch, Donna keeping her hands firmly on his waist, while the ice-cream man showered him with adoration and free chocolate Flakes to suck on.
“Wings!” shouted Ianto, interrupting Jack’s attempt to persuade them back to the SUV.
“Where?” said the Doctor, suddenly alert and searching for danger.
“He means swings.” sighed Jack. “You went to the park yesterday. Besides, you’ll get your shell dirty.”
Ianto scowled. “Off! Wings! Marfa! Don-ah! Dok-tah! Wings!”
“Well, I suppose it would make it easier not to have a baby to look after while I’m at work ...” pondered Jack. “You wouldn’t mind taking him to the park? It’s literally five minutes that way ...” Jack pointed. “And he only really likes to go on the roundabout and the swings. Only the kiddie swings. And not too high - he doesn’t like it. Not too fast on the roundabout either - he’s only little. Tiny, even. I’ve got him a bag of clothes in the car in case he needs changing, and ...”
“Alright!” interrupted the Doctor. “Time Lord, remember? I think I can look after one tiny human baby with an adult brain for one morning!”
Jack, Donna and Martha all gave him the same dubious look.
“With help from these two fine ladies, obviously.” he implored, shifting a little.
“YAY!” squealed Ianto, holding his arms out for the Doctor again. As before, the Doctor seemed surprised at the requested attention, but scooped him up anyway, throwing him over his shoulder in a fireman’s lift that made Ianto giggle with delight.
“C’mon then you little horror.” said the Doctor. “Bye Jack!”
“Bye Jack.” said Martha, giving him a hug and taking Ianto's bag of spare clothes. “See ya later!”
Donna hugged him very forcefully, giving a very girly “Bye Jack!” and a dopey grin. Jack winked at her.
“Later, Red.” he gave her his cheeky smile and climbed into the SUV. The Doctor, Donna and Martha waved him off. They set off in what they thought was the direction of the park until Ianto, still flung over the Doctor’s shoulder and only able to see what was behind them, gave them a very bored-sounding ‘wong way’.
~*~*~*~
“Owen? Owen, is that you again?”
Ianto lifted his head, recognising his sister’s voice. He was sat on Martha’s lap, waiting for the Doctor and Donna to come back with drinks from the ice-cream van. He panicked, pointing at Rhiannon and then himself. “Me fink call Owen!” he tried to explain. Martha nodded, turning with a warm smile to the woman approaching. She had a little girl with her. Ianto noticed that the little girl’s mother and brother were nowhere to be seen. Brought along as an excuse in case Jack came back with his nephew, perhaps?
“Hello.” greeted Martha. “And you would be ...?”
“Oh ... I’m Rhiannon. I met little Owen yesterday when I brought my step-kids to pla - is he dressed as a snail? That is the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen! Look, Mica. Owen’s dressed as a snail!”
Mica smiled a little nervously. “He looks silly, Rhi.”
“So ?” said Rhiannon. “Um ... are you ... his ... er?”
“Friend of the family.” Martha finished for her. “You wanna sit?”
“Mica, go and play.” smiled Rhiannon, sitting herself down. Mica ran off to the climbing frame. “So ... you know Owen’s Uncle Jack then?”
“Yes.” smiled Martha. “He’s lovely, isn’t he?”
“Then you’ll know Ianto?”
“Oh yes.”
Rhiannon smiled. Ianto was holding his little arms out to her, and she conceded and pulled him close. “Look at you. What have you mammy and daddy gone and done to you today, eh?” Ianto pouted for her, looking subdued. She cooed at him and Martha laughed.
“Mammy!” squealed Ianto as Donna returned from the ice-cream van with a little cup of orange juice and a can of coke for Martha. Any shock she had at the initial honorific was quickly masked.
“Alright, daw’lin’?” she cooed, setting the juice down and quickly catching on to the stranger.
“Rhiannon met Owen with his Uncle Jack yesterday.” Martha explained. “Rhiannon knows Jack and Ianto.”
“Ahh! Glad to meet you!” grinned Donna, pouring the juice into a clean bottle that Jack had provided in case Ianto still couldn’t manage to drink from cups without having a sticky bath at the same time. The baby started sucking at the bottle greedily, tearing himself away from it with a ‘pop’ as he kept up his little act in a cry of “Daddy!”
Again, the Doctor cottoned on just as quick as Donna.
“This is Rhiannon. She met Owen with his Uncle Jack yesterday. And she knows Jack and Ianto.” explained Donna. “... darling.” she added.
“So ... you’re Jack’s brother?” asked Rhiannon, handing ‘Owen’ to Donna as she assumed pretending to be Mammy. The Doctor decided to nod. “I see the resemblance - physically anyway. Apart from the fact you’re so very, very, very, very ,very skinny.” she grinned.
“Cloves.” Ianto said very matter-of-factly to Donna. She rolled her eyes.
“I think his lordship wants to get changed.” she said. “We could at least take the shell off.”
“Cloves.” repeated Ianto. “Jeans and t-shirt, Donna. Suit if I can - but please, I’m fed up of being the show pony ... okay ... snail.” She couldn’t hear him, but he hoped his pleas would show in his little face that they all seemed to think was dangerously adorable.
~*~*~*~
It didn’t work. Ianto found himself being hoisted onto the Doctor’s shoulders as they bade goodbye to Rhiannon and Mica and began the walk back to Roald Dahl Plass. He attracted lots of broody ‘awwws’ and giggles, several old women stopping to tell the Doctor and Donna just how proud they must be to have such a well behaved and beautiful little boy.
The whole time they were unaware that Rhiannon and Mica were always hiding twenty feet behind.
~*~*~*~
Finally, Gwen had stopped cooing, Jack had dressed him in normal clothes and Martha and Donna were starting to think about home - but not before uploading all the photos of Ianto sleeping as a mini-Tigger or scowling as a little snail onto Facebook, of course. The Doctor had buzzed and prodded the tech that had transformed him for the past hour or so, and was fairly confident that Jack’s assumption of it being a practical joke toy with little or no side effect was, indeed, the truth. Jack neglected to tell him he’d used the little machine before, but he had a feeling the Doctor would know anyway.
Jack wouldn’t allow them to use the Tourist Centre Office as it was supposedly temporarily shut, so Martha, Donna and the Doctor rode the hydraulic lift to the Plass. Jack wasn’t entirely sure where they’d parked the TARDIS, but since it was very nearly time for Ianto to start growing again, he didn’t really care too much.
He carefully carried Ianto down into his little shelter and sat him on the bed. Producing a burgundy shirt from the wardrobe, he started pulling off Ianto's little clothes and draping the silk shirt around him to keep him warm. They snuggled together on Jack’s bed, and waited.
~*~*~*~
Jack didn’t realise he’d fallen asleep until he was rudely awoken by a pillow being smacked into his face.
“You bastard! You dressed me as a snail! And a Tigger! I had to be a baby and I had to tell my sister that ... that ...” his voice faltered. “... that my name was Owen.”
“I’m sorry. It ... it was the only name that I could think of.”
Ianto made a very infant-like ‘hmph’ noise, turned and started to hoist himself up the ladder. Jack was a little disappointed to note that Ianto had pulled on some boxers before he’d woke him up, and didn’t get the view he really, really wanted.
“Hey! Hey!” Jack shot up the hatch after him. “Hey! C’mere.” He pulled Ianto into a hug, and smiled as he felt himself squeezed into Ianto's body just as hard.
“Thanks for ... y’know ... looking after me. Even though I was a bit of a bastard to you.”
“Well ... how could I say no to that little face?” Jack grinned, pulling his head back and looking at Ianto. Ianto leaned in and kissed him, gently probing his tongue into Jack’s mouth and stroking its partner gently. They broke apart.
Ianto punched him. He laughed, a little evilly, and Jack stumbled back, clutching the side of his face.
“You dressed me as Tigger. Everyone knows I prefer Piglet.” smirked Ianto.
“Yeah?” challenged Jack.
“Oh, yeah.” replied Ianto.
Jack rugby tackled him out of the office, lifting Ianto clean off the floor and eventually being thrown onto the couch by the workstations.
“Gwen gone home?” panted Ianto, grabbing Jack’s wrists.
“Yeah.” grinned the Captain.
Ianto used his leg on the wall to give him enough leverage to flip Jack off him and on to the floor. He landed on top of him, straddling his hips and leaning down to kiss him hard. Jack’s hands were everywhere- rumpling his shirt, pulling at buttons, yanking down his boxers and snaking under the material to run hands over the skin of his back.
“This reminds me ...” panted Jack, breaking the kiss. Ianto started making a divine attack on his neck and shoulder, and he found it a little difficult to concentrate. “I thought of a nickname for you ...”
Ianto didn’t stop, he simply spoke into the skin of Jack’s neck and continued unfastening buttons and pulling at the clips of his braces. “Don’ like pet names.”
“Just for us.” whispered Jack. “Only us. When we’re alone.”
Ianto paused and seemed to calculate something in his head. He raised himself, leaning on his hands. “What is it?”
“Cappuccino.” Ianto raised an eyebrow. “Because ... you’re all pale and sweet on top, but underneath you’re so much deeper, richer and ... darker. And I was thinking Chino for short.”
Ianto's other eyebrow joined its twin. “We’ll give it a go.” he sighed. Jack smiled, reaching up to stroke his cheek. Ianto couldn’t help but return the smile, and was soon rewarded by the yank of his collar and the cold, concrete floor hitting his back. Jack’s mouth was pulling open buttons as it travelled towards his waistline, and Ianto laid his head back and sighed in pleasure as the cold air hit his erection, quickly followed by Jack’s tongue.
Somehow, Ianto managed to get his trousers off without disturbing Jack too much, and Jack’s own slacks quickly followed. Ianto wore his shirt completely open, and Jack only had his white undershirt on. Ianto was folded practically in half as Jack stopped sucking his cock, crawling up him to kiss his mouth. Ianto began fumbling with his discarded trousers, and eventually his tube of lubricant found itself snapped open.
“Ohhh no you don’t!” smirked Jack, pulling his favourite trick of catching the lube on his own fingers before it got to Ianto’s. Ianto smirked at him, giving his lip a flirtatious bite. “I’m thinking ... standing, leaning over the walkway railings? By the water tower?”
Ianto was already on his feet, and soon his fingers were wrapped around the cold metal railing. Jack made no preposition as he slid his finger inside Ianto, and relished in the expression that smoothed itself over his partner’s features. He moved it gently, feeling the little bundle of nerves under his finger and curving his knuckle against it slightly. Ianto moaned his name, breathing deep. Jack slid in his middle finger and repeated the trick, making sure that when he scissored his fingers he’d twist them right against the sweet spot.
Rubbing the gel between his hands, he applied it to his own cock, lining himself up against Ianto’s hole and pressing forward. Ianto arched his back into him, and Jack found his mouth with his. They kissed, mainly tongues in their awkward position, and Ianto raised an arm from the railings to slide behind Jack’s neck and stroke the fine hairs there.
Finally, Jack started to move, fucking him with short, sharp thrusts and leaving a teasing pause between each one. Ianto moaned and groaned an writhed, the cold railing brushing the top of his erection and making him shudder and shiver in equal measure. Jack gently nipped his shoulder and sucked a bruise, licking over the teeth marks and listening to Ianto moaning in his arms. Jack began thrusting a little faster, stroking Ianto's dick with the same rhythm as his fucking
The pace kicked up a notch, Ianto pleasing Jack with his vocal encouragement, letting out a cry on each of Jack’s inward thrusts and spurring him on. Jack was gasping, crying out to gods and kissing his neck and jawline over and over again.
It wasn’t until they heard a yell of shock and a squeal of complete astonishment breaking their little bubble of ecstasy that they realised the hydraulic lift had set in motion.
~*~*~*~
Rhiannon had stood for too long on the paving stone, simple as. The sensors recognised the traces of Ianto-DNA in her, and kicked in, lowering her down into the hub.
She’d followed them from the park, then frozen in shock when three people and a baby dressed as a snail disappeared before her eyes. She'd taken Mica home, returning to the Plass in total confusion. She bought a drink from a cafe where she could get a proper view of where she’d seen them vanish - near the water tower - and waited. Eventually, the three adults had returned, minus the child. They simply blinked into existence then wandered off as if nothing had happened.
Rhiannon knew Ianto's Tourist Centre was nearby, and practically ran there. It was locked, however, and she banged on it frustration. Where was he? He hadn’t returned any calls, texts or messages for an unusually (for Ianto) long time.
Rhiannon returned to the tower, glaring at it as though it was responsible for the odd goings on. She stayed there for hours, long after it was dark, until her feet ached and her knees didn’t want to hold her up anymore. She took a step away, and noticed a young man hurrying across the Plass.
“’Scuse me! What time is it?” she called. He ignored her. “Rude bastard .... wah!” she let out a yelp of shock as the ground below her moved, taking her down below into darkness.
She blushed a little when she realised she could hear people having sex, their cries and sighs echoing around the cavern she was being lowered into. Rhiannon peered down, and took in the sight of desks and a couch, a pool - an office and a gangway ... a greenhouse? Several floors. A big corridor stretched away into darkness ...
“Jack ... Jack ... oh ... fuck ... Jack ...”
Rhiannon shuddered. Cautiously she looked down and saw the unmistakable figure of Jack Harkness in nothing but a white t-shirt having sex with ... with another man. She couldn’t see his face, and his voice was higher pitched than she guessed it would be in his throes of ecstasy. They had their backs to her, clinging to a railing, and didn’t even notice the noisy lift had been activated.
She decided to ignore the questions of where this place was, how she’d got there or what this place was for. This person must be the man Jack was fucking behind her little brother’s back - there was no way Ianto would have sex away from a bed, after all - and before she knew she could stop herself, she let out an angry yell.
The men froze, Jack turned, making no attempt to cover himself, and gave her a look of pure venom.
“Little busy here, Rhiannon. Maybe come back later?” He’d positioned himself to protect the modesty of the man behind him, reaching back a bit to offer a little support. His lover poked his head over Jack’s shoulder, snaking arms around him from behind. His face was flushing bright red, and his eyes couldn’t meet Rhiannon’s - Rhiannon very quickly found she couldn’t meet his either.
No mistake. She’d just intruded on Jack and Ianto having sex.
FIN
I PROMISE to post the minion icons tomorrow. Just waiting for one more promised entry and then we can Rick 'n Roll (haha. Terrible 'in' joke ...)
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