"Why Are You Crying" "I Have An Allergy, Okay?"
Tonight's episode of So You Think You Can Dance is a veritable roller coaster of boring, hotness, boring, shirtless Neil, boring and one of the most touching dances I've ever seen. Watch as I'm reduced to a pathetic puddle of tears!
***
Sara & Danny: Argentinean Tango
SO MANY PIROUETTES! Also, Sara looks wicked hot. A little trouble getting thru Danny's legs, though (teehee). So far, no where near as hot as Danny's samba last week. I'm getting almost zero connectivity between the two, though they're dancing very well. The All Vagina Access Pass turned out very well. I think the couple is going for a kind of "cold" sensuality, but it's coming off as detached from each other.
Sara & Danny: Hip Hop
As if I couldn't love Shane anymore, he choreographs the routine to "Push It" by Salt n Pepa. Danny doesn't seem to be hitting the moves as hard as he could be. He still looks pretty hot doing some of the moves. I'm barely paying attention to Sara because of course she's killing it. Surprisingly, I wasn't 100% fond of the choreography as I usually am with Shane. So far it's the best dance I've seen all night.
Dominic & Michelin: Krump
You know, one thing I've been saying this show has been missing is 50 Cent. *eyeroll* I'm not seeing a whole lot of krumping here. To me, this is basically just hip hop. Harder hitting hip hop, with a taste of krumping, but not really krumping. Some awesome fucking moves in the middle, though. I wonder if Michelin's fall is purposeful or accidental. Kind of just...blah.
Dominic & Michelin: Rumba
Interesting music to dance a rumba to. So far, there's more of a chemistry and connectivity in the first fifteen seconds of this routine than in the entirety of the last routine. I can actually feel Dominic pining for Michelin. Minimal audience pandering, which is nice. Solid partnering from Dominic. AND OMG WHAT IS THIS KISS AT THE END OF THE DANCE? That was kinda hot.
Neil & Lacey: Latin Jazz
Lacey is still pandering more to the audience than getting into the feelings of the dance. Neil is connecting with it fairly well, though. Lacey looks incredibly nervous with the Incredible Hoisting Vagina Lift and looks like they come out of it a little early. A memorable dance, if only for Neil being shirtless.
Lacey & Neil: Contemporary
Oh shit. Just...shit. I started crying right away, as soon as I saw the staging of Lacey on one side and Neil on the other. Lacey finally tapped into the emotion she's been missing since her and Kameron's contemporary routine at the beginning of the competition. Neil, however...when the dance just started and the camera pushed in on his face seeing his "daughter" for the first time in however many years...there was this look of pride, longing and contentment on Neil's face and I started bawling right away. There's not much I can say about this routine mostly because it was flawless and it killed me, more than Lacey and Kameron's, almost more than Heidi and Travis', and almost as much as Ivan and Allison's. It was...it was so beautiful and the two completely nailed it. Mia Michael's should be proud. This is the best dance of the night, if not of the competition so far.
Pasha & Sabra: Broadway
This song is the shit. The entire show is, so look up The Wild Party when you have the chance. The thing that I both love and hate about Tyce's Broadway choreography is it's all stuff that I can do which is great, but I watch this show for the stuff that I can't do. For the most part, the choreography is pretty different from the rest he's done, but there are still shades of "Ease On Down The Road" in it. Pasha and Sabra did it pretty well, though. Sabra is just a big ball of joy and energy, isn't she?
Pasha & Sabra: Quickstep
Cute outfit on Sabra! I could totally see her be a flapper. It kind of seems like Pasha is dragging Sabra around the stage a bit. This is the first time I've ever seen Sabra do something less than spectacularly (re: the backwards arabesque). She's going at it full force, though, so I'll give her that. Surprisingly, Pasha's footwork seems a bit off. His foot slips out from underneath him a couple times. A fun, energetic routine, something I was not expecting.
***
1. anubisismydad: Can I tell you something about the show that's not going to spoil anything at all for you but I still really want to tell you?
Brood: Sure.
anubisismydad: Neil dances shirtless.
Brood: I just came.
2. Looks like the Wardrobe Wench (tm tytal was too aggrieved tonight to dress Cat defensively. Thank God. My eyes need a rest.
3. Thank God Dom did something spinny-spinny that wasn't on his back because that shit's getting old.
4. Oh man, the hair! Neil's hair is all flat and it looks like Danny's been taking a dip in the Soul Glo pool.
5. Speaking of Danny, that pirouette thing he did? Where he went from standing to sitting while pirouetting? My mind, it boggles. My pants, they melt.
6. You might have said goodbye to Kameron, Cat, but I did no such thing. By the way, I totally do not have Kameron chained up in my room. At all. And there is, by no means, a hidden wall where I stash him when I have company so that I can't be charged for whatever charges I might incur for having Kameron bound and gagged in my room for me to use as my plaything. Which I don't.
7. Oh what's this, Cat? You give up the call and response? ALSO WHY DO YOU STILL SAY "JIDGES"?! Seriously, you sound like you're talking to a five-year old. "Jidgiiiiiiis!" Whatever. Didn't your people invent English?
8. Ooh, my boyfriend Adam Shankman is back! And because I can't say it enough: Go see Hairspray. It's fantastic. Nikki Blonsky kicks my shit and John Travolta is just...yes.
9. Mary Murphy. Oh, Mary Murphy. The color of your shirt is beautiful and goes well with your skin, but...at this point, do you really need anything to separate your sweater cows more than they already are? I mean, I know they're massive and huge already, but maybe you should concentrate more on getting them up and out. Your bra is not Napolean Bonaparte and your boobs are not Waterloo. There should be no divide and conquer.
10. PS: Why are you wearing maternity clothes? That's all. */Meryl Streep*
11. Two routines tonight? Plus a solo? Is there still a solo? So much dancing.
12. "Who are you hoping for?" "Britney Spears." *snort* Ahahahahahaha I love Danny.
13. Ooh, Danny and Sara? I'm not sure I see it. However, I've been dying to see Danny handle hip-hop.
14. I'd make a bad joke about dying to handle Danny, but...well, I guess I just did.
15. The human pretzel? Looks more like the All Vagina Access Pass.
16. Seriously. When can I get in Danny's pants? Are those tickets being sold in conjunction with the Top Ten Tour Tickets?
17. Adam is totally right about Sara and her progression along the show. She's progressed and grown even more than Dominic has.
18. OMG MARY IT IS NOT DANNY'S FAULT THAT HE DID THE FLIP THAT IS THE CHOREOGRAPHER'S...omg, she copped to it and said it wasn't his fault. The Earth has ceased turning.
19. About pirouettes? If you can do them and you're hot? I'll ask you to marry me. For reals.
20. If there's any partnership on this show that I think could handle krumping it would be Michelin and Dominic.
21. I think it would be awesome to combine krump and rumba and to a krumba.
22. That kind of makes me want a sandwich.
23. Does Michelin have no boobs whatsoever? I guess what she lacks in boob she makes up for in biceps.
24. "It has a slow movement to it but is still extremely fast." Sometimes I really have to wonder if people listen to themselves when they talk. I'd have to say no. No, they don't.
25. 1) Mary, you should never, ever say "gangsta". Because...well, you're white, with no flavor. And 2) You were so wrong. The beginning was so slow and the middle was hot.
26. Look again: Nigel busting on dancers for poor choreography and shitty song choice. Go suck an egg, Nigel.
27. Although, you're pretty funny here: "I'm English, we call him 25 pence." How long you think he's been sitting on that gem? I wouldn't be surprised if during the routine he was all, "Mary, listen. Set me up like this, will you? Also, get a better fucking bra, Jesus Christ."
28. That last sentence may have been me, projecting.
29. So Michelin did fall for real. I figured as much, but she did cover it really, really well. I honestly thought it was part of the routine.
30. Just goes to show that absolutely no one is safe when dancing with Dominic. I might have to start calling him The Dropper.
31. Y'all, Michelin just threw the Shocker, but backwards. BACKWARDS! One in the pink, two in the stink. Ouch. Freak.
32. Lacey & Neil doing a Latin jazz routine? If it's anywhere near as hot as Lacey and Danny's samba, I'm going to need to wash my sheets. Again.
33. Oh man, can y'all imagine being in a threesome with Danny and Neil? I can't even comprehend it.
34. ...I have no idea where that came from.
35. "Something that connects man and woman." With a lift called The Crunch, Maria Torres? I guess you're going for a literal connection thru the vagina, then.
36. OMG LACEY IS WEARING A SHIRT THAT SAYS "PEACE, LOVE AND REVOLUTION"! HOW DARE SHE PROMOTE ANTI-WAR PROPAGANDA ON A SHOW ABOUT EXPRESSING FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS THROUGH DANCE! HOW DARE SHE PROMOTE PEACE AT ALL! SHE DOES NOT SUPPORT OUR TROOPS AND MUST BE DEALT WITH SWIFTLY!
37. "I'm pulling my hair out right now." Which is easy, considering the weave, right Lacey?
38. I hope no doctors get offended by Neil's shirt. "Trust me, I'm a doctor". WHAT IF THEY THINK HE'S A REAL DOCTOR?!
39. Does anyone watch Reba? For those of you who do, does Neil ever remind you of Van? Yeah. Think about that.
40. And...there we go. Neil is shirtless. I'm going to have to watch this routine multiple times. The first seventy times time to just stare at his body, y'know? And that lascivious little lick? And the hip movements? I might have to put these comments about Neil in a separate "Neil is so goddamn hot" comment. For real. Where does he get off being muscle-y and defined like that? And why is my fat ass just sitting on a couch instead of, like, running and lifting? Oh right, because if I were, I wouldn't be ogling hot, shirtless Neil, like Starr Jones ogles a baked honey ham. Oh Jesus, when he swings Lacey around and they shimmy and he's got that look on his face like he's about to devour her in every best possible sense of the word? Oh God, I need a cigarette, and I don't even smoke.
41. And now that the routine is over, I'll have to watch it again. And again. And again. And again. I just had, like, seventy million orgasms.
42. Brood: Where does he get off moving his hips like that?
shanalle: No no.
shanalle: It's where do WE get off.
43. Aaaaand watching it again.
44. LACEY GET UP OFF MY MAN LIKE THAT!
45. *ahem*
46. Sometimes I wonder what my parents would say about the thoughts that run through my head.
47. Okay. I'm forcing myself to say nothing nothing nothing else about Neil and his hot, shirtless, stud-muffinly, oh-my-GOD-look-at-those-cut-lines-at-his-hips self.
48. Adam Shankman calls Lacey on her tendency to pander to the audience and rightfully so.
49. Tonight, I will not be subscribing to Mary Murphy's trademarked Brand of Bullshit. Mary Murphy's Bullshit: Now In Brand-New Bra-less Flavor.
50. Although, she was right: no chemistry.
51. ...I want to see where Neil's cut lines lead.
52. Okay, now I'm done.
53. "[Neil being shirtless] does nothing for us guys, I'm afraid." Oh, Nigel. How can you be so dense. Adam Shankman is sitting three feet away from you. Between that comment this week, and the comment about the goggles last week when Mia Michaels was sitting right there, I'm shocked at how flexible you must be to have your foot in your mouth for a week straight.
54. Pasha and Sabra have Broadway and the quickstep? Bye, you two!
55. "This Broadway routine is all about running around." You mean like every other Broadway routine Tyce Diorio does?
56. Adam Shankman just hit the nail on the head as to why I don't generally like Tyce's Broadway routines: to me, they require a big cast in the background doing moves as well.
57. Is that Ice-T in the audience, sitting behind Tyce Diorio? Nope, just a poor unfortunate-looking doppleganger.
58. "Let me talk about all the things I don't love: ...Nigel." Okay, that was funny, partly because there wasn't anything she didn't love, and partly because it sounds like she's saying she doesn't love Nigel. I'd give Mary credit for the double meaning but we all know she can't possibly be that clever.
59. Wait, Tyce Diorio doesn't remind me of my ex-boyfriend The Erp. He reminds me of AMR, the kid I just found out still has feelings for me over two years since I last saw him, which is another can of worms in its entirety and has nothing to do with dancing.
60. Are Sara and Danny supposed to look like Rerun? I hope to God so.
61. Danny is eight feet taller than Shane Sparks. I didn't realize Shane was a hobbit. The hottest hobbit ever.
62. I'm going to have so many Elijah Wood fans jump down my throat for that.
63. OMG ADAM SHANKMAN IS IN MY HEAD! "What did you guys do to the wardrobe department to get them so angry at you? You were punk'd by the wardrobe department!" That explains why Cat looks so normal.
64. Danny gets points for "You think you know, but you have no idea" but then he promptly gets those points taken away for using the MTV Diary Of... tagline when referencing Punk'd.
65. ...sometimes I really, really hate myself.
66. Daddy Day Camp is the answer to the question nobody asked.
67. I think that Tony Meredith, Alex di Silva and Jean-Marc Generaux pretty much keep Brylcreem in business. I bet they have to rotate when they take showers so as not to cause massive oil spills. Remember the Exxon Valdez fiasco? Just the three guys on vacation, taking a swim in the ocean.
68. Do you guys ever get the feeling that Dominic is a virgin who's never touched a girl a day in his life and every time he dances with a new girl on this show he's like "OMG she likes me because we're dancing together!"
69. Okay, so I had to watch the last five seconds again. That was hot. Dominic was all manly and controlling and shit.
70. Lord, and then a shot of Mia Michaels, Tony Meredith and a lollipop, all pretending to make out together.
71. OMG, Adam Shankman, you are my boyfriend and that is why I am not going to be jumping on your shit for busting the dancers for choreography.
72. And what the hell is the world coming to when Mary Murphy is the voice of reason as far as choreography goes?
73. "Where there is a dress it's beautiful and where there isn't a dress it's beautiful." Oh man. I feel like I need to take a shower after that, so I can't possibly imagine how Michelin feels.
74. Oh God. Neil goes from shirtless to tux in the span of an hour? Am I dreaming this episode?
75. Superbad comes out on my birthday. Someone in Hollywood loves me. McLovin indeed.
76. "A very emotional Mia Michaels contemporary routine." So, like...every Mia Michaels routine ever? Shock.
77. And then comes Mia Michaels' explanation and I feel like ass. The dance represents her and her father's reunion in Heaven? It's cool if I start crying now, right?
78. At the same time: that's a pretty hefty order to be putting on these two dancers.
79. Oh my...
80. I feel like the routine just completely took all the snark out of me.
81. Oh dear me, my heart is even breaking for Mary Murphy. Do you guys mind if I just go and, like, bawl for a minute? And call my mommy? Thanks.
82. Lord. Five minutes later and I'm still crying. I swear to God, if Neil or Lacey are in the bottom four? I will kill everyone on the face of the planet including the remaining contestants, so that these two win.
83. Oh and Lacey, you had to go ruin the mood by putting the damn flower in your mouth. Even Neil, the perpetual goofball, had the sensibility to act like a normal person while this numbers were shown, giving just a high-five and a thumbs up with no face pulls at all. Tsk.
84. I just tsked someone. I'm turning into my grandma. Next, I'll be eating split pea soup with my mouth open.
85. I love you, Granny!
86. After a silent, crying Mary Murphy, I'm actually relishing loud, brash Mary Murphy. If I had to choose between the two, I'll take the Mary Murphy Scream, the fucking Hot Tamale Train, the whole kit and caboodle.
87. Sometime Pasha reminds me of a big, Russian Charlie Brown. I'll never be able to explain that to anyone's satisfaction.
***
Sara & Danny: Argentinean Tango
SO MANY PIROUETTES! Also, Sara looks wicked hot. A little trouble getting thru Danny's legs, though (teehee). So far, no where near as hot as Danny's samba last week. I'm getting almost zero connectivity between the two, though they're dancing very well. The All Vagina Access Pass turned out very well. I think the couple is going for a kind of "cold" sensuality, but it's coming off as detached from each other.
Sara & Danny: Hip Hop
As if I couldn't love Shane anymore, he choreographs the routine to "Push It" by Salt n Pepa. Danny doesn't seem to be hitting the moves as hard as he could be. He still looks pretty hot doing some of the moves. I'm barely paying attention to Sara because of course she's killing it. Surprisingly, I wasn't 100% fond of the choreography as I usually am with Shane. So far it's the best dance I've seen all night.
Dominic & Michelin: Krump
You know, one thing I've been saying this show has been missing is 50 Cent. *eyeroll* I'm not seeing a whole lot of krumping here. To me, this is basically just hip hop. Harder hitting hip hop, with a taste of krumping, but not really krumping. Some awesome fucking moves in the middle, though. I wonder if Michelin's fall is purposeful or accidental. Kind of just...blah.
Dominic & Michelin: Rumba
Interesting music to dance a rumba to. So far, there's more of a chemistry and connectivity in the first fifteen seconds of this routine than in the entirety of the last routine. I can actually feel Dominic pining for Michelin. Minimal audience pandering, which is nice. Solid partnering from Dominic. AND OMG WHAT IS THIS KISS AT THE END OF THE DANCE? That was kinda hot.
Neil & Lacey: Latin Jazz
Lacey is still pandering more to the audience than getting into the feelings of the dance. Neil is connecting with it fairly well, though. Lacey looks incredibly nervous with the Incredible Hoisting Vagina Lift and looks like they come out of it a little early. A memorable dance, if only for Neil being shirtless.
Lacey & Neil: Contemporary
Oh shit. Just...shit. I started crying right away, as soon as I saw the staging of Lacey on one side and Neil on the other. Lacey finally tapped into the emotion she's been missing since her and Kameron's contemporary routine at the beginning of the competition. Neil, however...when the dance just started and the camera pushed in on his face seeing his "daughter" for the first time in however many years...there was this look of pride, longing and contentment on Neil's face and I started bawling right away. There's not much I can say about this routine mostly because it was flawless and it killed me, more than Lacey and Kameron's, almost more than Heidi and Travis', and almost as much as Ivan and Allison's. It was...it was so beautiful and the two completely nailed it. Mia Michael's should be proud. This is the best dance of the night, if not of the competition so far.
Pasha & Sabra: Broadway
This song is the shit. The entire show is, so look up The Wild Party when you have the chance. The thing that I both love and hate about Tyce's Broadway choreography is it's all stuff that I can do which is great, but I watch this show for the stuff that I can't do. For the most part, the choreography is pretty different from the rest he's done, but there are still shades of "Ease On Down The Road" in it. Pasha and Sabra did it pretty well, though. Sabra is just a big ball of joy and energy, isn't she?
Pasha & Sabra: Quickstep
Cute outfit on Sabra! I could totally see her be a flapper. It kind of seems like Pasha is dragging Sabra around the stage a bit. This is the first time I've ever seen Sabra do something less than spectacularly (re: the backwards arabesque). She's going at it full force, though, so I'll give her that. Surprisingly, Pasha's footwork seems a bit off. His foot slips out from underneath him a couple times. A fun, energetic routine, something I was not expecting.
***
1. anubisismydad: Can I tell you something about the show that's not going to spoil anything at all for you but I still really want to tell you?
Brood: Sure.
anubisismydad: Neil dances shirtless.
Brood: I just came.
2. Looks like the Wardrobe Wench (tm tytal was too aggrieved tonight to dress Cat defensively. Thank God. My eyes need a rest.
3. Thank God Dom did something spinny-spinny that wasn't on his back because that shit's getting old.
4. Oh man, the hair! Neil's hair is all flat and it looks like Danny's been taking a dip in the Soul Glo pool.
5. Speaking of Danny, that pirouette thing he did? Where he went from standing to sitting while pirouetting? My mind, it boggles. My pants, they melt.
6. You might have said goodbye to Kameron, Cat, but I did no such thing. By the way, I totally do not have Kameron chained up in my room. At all. And there is, by no means, a hidden wall where I stash him when I have company so that I can't be charged for whatever charges I might incur for having Kameron bound and gagged in my room for me to use as my plaything. Which I don't.
7. Oh what's this, Cat? You give up the call and response? ALSO WHY DO YOU STILL SAY "JIDGES"?! Seriously, you sound like you're talking to a five-year old. "Jidgiiiiiiis!" Whatever. Didn't your people invent English?
8. Ooh, my boyfriend Adam Shankman is back! And because I can't say it enough: Go see Hairspray. It's fantastic. Nikki Blonsky kicks my shit and John Travolta is just...yes.
9. Mary Murphy. Oh, Mary Murphy. The color of your shirt is beautiful and goes well with your skin, but...at this point, do you really need anything to separate your sweater cows more than they already are? I mean, I know they're massive and huge already, but maybe you should concentrate more on getting them up and out. Your bra is not Napolean Bonaparte and your boobs are not Waterloo. There should be no divide and conquer.
10. PS: Why are you wearing maternity clothes? That's all. */Meryl Streep*
11. Two routines tonight? Plus a solo? Is there still a solo? So much dancing.
12. "Who are you hoping for?" "Britney Spears." *snort* Ahahahahahaha I love Danny.
13. Ooh, Danny and Sara? I'm not sure I see it. However, I've been dying to see Danny handle hip-hop.
14. I'd make a bad joke about dying to handle Danny, but...well, I guess I just did.
15. The human pretzel? Looks more like the All Vagina Access Pass.
16. Seriously. When can I get in Danny's pants? Are those tickets being sold in conjunction with the Top Ten Tour Tickets?
17. Adam is totally right about Sara and her progression along the show. She's progressed and grown even more than Dominic has.
18. OMG MARY IT IS NOT DANNY'S FAULT THAT HE DID THE FLIP THAT IS THE CHOREOGRAPHER'S...omg, she copped to it and said it wasn't his fault. The Earth has ceased turning.
19. About pirouettes? If you can do them and you're hot? I'll ask you to marry me. For reals.
20. If there's any partnership on this show that I think could handle krumping it would be Michelin and Dominic.
21. I think it would be awesome to combine krump and rumba and to a krumba.
22. That kind of makes me want a sandwich.
23. Does Michelin have no boobs whatsoever? I guess what she lacks in boob she makes up for in biceps.
24. "It has a slow movement to it but is still extremely fast." Sometimes I really have to wonder if people listen to themselves when they talk. I'd have to say no. No, they don't.
25. 1) Mary, you should never, ever say "gangsta". Because...well, you're white, with no flavor. And 2) You were so wrong. The beginning was so slow and the middle was hot.
26. Look again: Nigel busting on dancers for poor choreography and shitty song choice. Go suck an egg, Nigel.
27. Although, you're pretty funny here: "I'm English, we call him 25 pence." How long you think he's been sitting on that gem? I wouldn't be surprised if during the routine he was all, "Mary, listen. Set me up like this, will you? Also, get a better fucking bra, Jesus Christ."
28. That last sentence may have been me, projecting.
29. So Michelin did fall for real. I figured as much, but she did cover it really, really well. I honestly thought it was part of the routine.
30. Just goes to show that absolutely no one is safe when dancing with Dominic. I might have to start calling him The Dropper.
31. Y'all, Michelin just threw the Shocker, but backwards. BACKWARDS! One in the pink, two in the stink. Ouch. Freak.
32. Lacey & Neil doing a Latin jazz routine? If it's anywhere near as hot as Lacey and Danny's samba, I'm going to need to wash my sheets. Again.
33. Oh man, can y'all imagine being in a threesome with Danny and Neil? I can't even comprehend it.
34. ...I have no idea where that came from.
35. "Something that connects man and woman." With a lift called The Crunch, Maria Torres? I guess you're going for a literal connection thru the vagina, then.
36. OMG LACEY IS WEARING A SHIRT THAT SAYS "PEACE, LOVE AND REVOLUTION"! HOW DARE SHE PROMOTE ANTI-WAR PROPAGANDA ON A SHOW ABOUT EXPRESSING FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS THROUGH DANCE! HOW DARE SHE PROMOTE PEACE AT ALL! SHE DOES NOT SUPPORT OUR TROOPS AND MUST BE DEALT WITH SWIFTLY!
37. "I'm pulling my hair out right now." Which is easy, considering the weave, right Lacey?
38. I hope no doctors get offended by Neil's shirt. "Trust me, I'm a doctor". WHAT IF THEY THINK HE'S A REAL DOCTOR?!
39. Does anyone watch Reba? For those of you who do, does Neil ever remind you of Van? Yeah. Think about that.
40. And...there we go. Neil is shirtless. I'm going to have to watch this routine multiple times. The first seventy times time to just stare at his body, y'know? And that lascivious little lick? And the hip movements? I might have to put these comments about Neil in a separate "Neil is so goddamn hot" comment. For real. Where does he get off being muscle-y and defined like that? And why is my fat ass just sitting on a couch instead of, like, running and lifting? Oh right, because if I were, I wouldn't be ogling hot, shirtless Neil, like Starr Jones ogles a baked honey ham. Oh Jesus, when he swings Lacey around and they shimmy and he's got that look on his face like he's about to devour her in every best possible sense of the word? Oh God, I need a cigarette, and I don't even smoke.
41. And now that the routine is over, I'll have to watch it again. And again. And again. And again. I just had, like, seventy million orgasms.
42. Brood: Where does he get off moving his hips like that?
shanalle: No no.
shanalle: It's where do WE get off.
43. Aaaaand watching it again.
44. LACEY GET UP OFF MY MAN LIKE THAT!
45. *ahem*
46. Sometimes I wonder what my parents would say about the thoughts that run through my head.
47. Okay. I'm forcing myself to say nothing nothing nothing else about Neil and his hot, shirtless, stud-muffinly, oh-my-GOD-look-at-those-cut-lines-at-his-hips self.
48. Adam Shankman calls Lacey on her tendency to pander to the audience and rightfully so.
49. Tonight, I will not be subscribing to Mary Murphy's trademarked Brand of Bullshit. Mary Murphy's Bullshit: Now In Brand-New Bra-less Flavor.
50. Although, she was right: no chemistry.
51. ...I want to see where Neil's cut lines lead.
52. Okay, now I'm done.
53. "[Neil being shirtless] does nothing for us guys, I'm afraid." Oh, Nigel. How can you be so dense. Adam Shankman is sitting three feet away from you. Between that comment this week, and the comment about the goggles last week when Mia Michaels was sitting right there, I'm shocked at how flexible you must be to have your foot in your mouth for a week straight.
54. Pasha and Sabra have Broadway and the quickstep? Bye, you two!
55. "This Broadway routine is all about running around." You mean like every other Broadway routine Tyce Diorio does?
56. Adam Shankman just hit the nail on the head as to why I don't generally like Tyce's Broadway routines: to me, they require a big cast in the background doing moves as well.
57. Is that Ice-T in the audience, sitting behind Tyce Diorio? Nope, just a poor unfortunate-looking doppleganger.
58. "Let me talk about all the things I don't love: ...Nigel." Okay, that was funny, partly because there wasn't anything she didn't love, and partly because it sounds like she's saying she doesn't love Nigel. I'd give Mary credit for the double meaning but we all know she can't possibly be that clever.
59. Wait, Tyce Diorio doesn't remind me of my ex-boyfriend The Erp. He reminds me of AMR, the kid I just found out still has feelings for me over two years since I last saw him, which is another can of worms in its entirety and has nothing to do with dancing.
60. Are Sara and Danny supposed to look like Rerun? I hope to God so.
61. Danny is eight feet taller than Shane Sparks. I didn't realize Shane was a hobbit. The hottest hobbit ever.
62. I'm going to have so many Elijah Wood fans jump down my throat for that.
63. OMG ADAM SHANKMAN IS IN MY HEAD! "What did you guys do to the wardrobe department to get them so angry at you? You were punk'd by the wardrobe department!" That explains why Cat looks so normal.
64. Danny gets points for "You think you know, but you have no idea" but then he promptly gets those points taken away for using the MTV Diary Of... tagline when referencing Punk'd.
65. ...sometimes I really, really hate myself.
66. Daddy Day Camp is the answer to the question nobody asked.
67. I think that Tony Meredith, Alex di Silva and Jean-Marc Generaux pretty much keep Brylcreem in business. I bet they have to rotate when they take showers so as not to cause massive oil spills. Remember the Exxon Valdez fiasco? Just the three guys on vacation, taking a swim in the ocean.
68. Do you guys ever get the feeling that Dominic is a virgin who's never touched a girl a day in his life and every time he dances with a new girl on this show he's like "OMG she likes me because we're dancing together!"
69. Okay, so I had to watch the last five seconds again. That was hot. Dominic was all manly and controlling and shit.
70. Lord, and then a shot of Mia Michaels, Tony Meredith and a lollipop, all pretending to make out together.
71. OMG, Adam Shankman, you are my boyfriend and that is why I am not going to be jumping on your shit for busting the dancers for choreography.
72. And what the hell is the world coming to when Mary Murphy is the voice of reason as far as choreography goes?
73. "Where there is a dress it's beautiful and where there isn't a dress it's beautiful." Oh man. I feel like I need to take a shower after that, so I can't possibly imagine how Michelin feels.
74. Oh God. Neil goes from shirtless to tux in the span of an hour? Am I dreaming this episode?
75. Superbad comes out on my birthday. Someone in Hollywood loves me. McLovin indeed.
76. "A very emotional Mia Michaels contemporary routine." So, like...every Mia Michaels routine ever? Shock.
77. And then comes Mia Michaels' explanation and I feel like ass. The dance represents her and her father's reunion in Heaven? It's cool if I start crying now, right?
78. At the same time: that's a pretty hefty order to be putting on these two dancers.
79. Oh my...
80. I feel like the routine just completely took all the snark out of me.
81. Oh dear me, my heart is even breaking for Mary Murphy. Do you guys mind if I just go and, like, bawl for a minute? And call my mommy? Thanks.
82. Lord. Five minutes later and I'm still crying. I swear to God, if Neil or Lacey are in the bottom four? I will kill everyone on the face of the planet including the remaining contestants, so that these two win.
83. Oh and Lacey, you had to go ruin the mood by putting the damn flower in your mouth. Even Neil, the perpetual goofball, had the sensibility to act like a normal person while this numbers were shown, giving just a high-five and a thumbs up with no face pulls at all. Tsk.
84. I just tsked someone. I'm turning into my grandma. Next, I'll be eating split pea soup with my mouth open.
85. I love you, Granny!
86. After a silent, crying Mary Murphy, I'm actually relishing loud, brash Mary Murphy. If I had to choose between the two, I'll take the Mary Murphy Scream, the fucking Hot Tamale Train, the whole kit and caboodle.
87. Sometime Pasha reminds me of a big, Russian Charlie Brown. I'll never be able to explain that to anyone's satisfaction.