(Untitled)

[kurai_tenshi21]

Cut for--- feeling like I am forced into having sex, memories of rape (no details), suicidal ideas, feeling like things are out of control, cutting, family issues, smoking pot, drinking, and the possibility of being pregnant.
This post is going to be jumping back and forth, like where ever my thoughts go-- then I will be typing it out like that.

Comments

[koikana]

I'm so sorry. I know that sometimes it's harder to say no than it is to say yes when it comes to sex. Even when you're not worried about your boyfriend just wanting you for that reason.

I honestly wish I could give you some advice, I can't. But it's not just your fault. I know that sometimes men (er... some men. Especially those who are in the process of having most of their blood given to their lower brain, so to speak) aren't exactly... perceptive. But if you frequently do not feel into it or like you want to, he should be able to pick up SOMETHING is wrong.

There is NOTHING wrong with you wanting to please someone you have feelings for. It's natural. And human. It's hard to accept sometimes that to do right by people we also have to do right by ourselves, and sometimes that means saying no, demanding conversation...

[clothilde_jones]

I've had really similar feelings to the ones you're experiencing with your boyfriend. I've read that sometimes a trigger is experienced for a rape survivor as a general feeling of being coerced and misused. Reading that helped me understand what I was feeling. It didn't make it go away, but it helped me to understand.

I hope this helps.