What ze said. Of course, the first step would be, "both agree to act like sane adults" and a whole lot of people would fail right there, but goodness knows there's a market for it.
HA! True enough, it's hard to be a good adult and not just an 'older child'!
I know it helps that we were seriously determined, on behalf of our continuing quality of life and for the children, to make this as friendly as possible. We have too many friends living MORE miserable lives than when they were married together!! But our commitment precluded many common practices such as hiring Expert Witnesses and engaging Discovery Processes. I won't say we didn't come close sometimes, but luckily I think the rule that's held this whole marriage holds true still:
Only ONE of us gets to Lose It at a time.
I think maybe I should institute this rule universally to all my friends/family, eh?
Thanks 'Lemon! As for advice, I don't feel like I could say. But if I did I'm afraid that it would be the same thing I'd say to anyone asking how to keep a marriage together for a long time - give just about 100%. You'll give it all, and he'll give it all, and in the end you might, if you're lucky, meet in the middle.
Certainly that is depressing, that you just have to give everything and expect nothing back, and it makes little sense that this wouldn't guarantee a meeting of the minds, but there you have it. Marriage and divorce: Crazy.
Oh, you know what might have helped? I like the man and respect him, regardless of if he doesn't want to be married to me. And I think somewhere inside he likes me, too. Maybe it says something good about us, that we chose to marry someone we can still like after a divorce.
Oh thank you! It's like that point in the Eisenhower tunnel when you realize that you are NOT going to be able to hold your breath for the whole thing so you start thinking in terms of 'How MANY breaths can I do it in?' So. Many. Financial. Details! It's exciting and mind-expanding and scary and I'm either going to become really smart or throw up all the time.
I love that in a couple years (when this divorce is well in the past) our happy futures will proceed directly from a darn good marriage, and hopefully we'll not have many occasions to remember this unhappy few years. And our babies! - I hope they will never remember a time when their mom nor dad was miserable. We won't be the same as other families, and I can't see all the ways this will change us, but we will always work together.
And I know OMG ART SCHOOL!!! I am going to have to work my buttocks off! Can I even memorize paintings and people and places and times anymore?!?
My mom and her first husband (my siblings' dad) had one of those rare nice divorces. They were able to stay civil and even friendly the further from the event they got. My brothers always knew that both their parents loved them and I always knew Monty. He was always a part of our lives. When he got remarried and had a couple new kids they were just melded into the crazy package that is our family. There might be some hiccups from time to time, but you both really love those kids and as long as that is always apparent I'm sure it will all work out.
And congratulations!! Enjoy every minute of this new start!
yes, whoo!
anonymous
January 30 2008, 00:55:25 UTC
This makes me happy to read. I mean, conditional on it being a divorce, it makes me happy to see that this has gone OK. It's important for you (plural), and important for the kids. You will note, however, that no terms of any divorce could tell me what to do: So until you file court papers against me--and really, what would be the legal basis for that?!--you're still my friend. :)
I agree - it's the suckiest thing, really, but as far as suckage goes it's really quite great.
And I'm so glad WE don't have to break up over this - I would just DIE if I wasn't able to get the "Top Songs of 2006" like, you know, next December! I mean, really - I got to keep hangin' with the 'bros in the knows', you know? Ear to the street, hip on the happenings and all that. Word to your mother. (Though that's kindda hard when she's in some train in China somewhere)
PS You know what one of my favorite things to do with my friends is? Come visit them at their house for a long weekend of fun (and sketching)! 'Bout time for me to take a trip to San Fran, eh?
Comments 22
(The comment has been removed)
Reply
I know it helps that we were seriously determined, on behalf of our continuing quality of life and for the children, to make this as friendly as possible. We have too many friends living MORE miserable lives than when they were married together!! But our commitment precluded many common practices such as hiring Expert Witnesses and engaging Discovery Processes. I won't say we didn't come close sometimes, but luckily I think the rule that's held this whole marriage holds true still:
Only ONE of us gets to Lose It at a time.
I think maybe I should institute this rule universally to all my friends/family, eh?
Reply
Certainly that is depressing, that you just have to give everything and expect nothing back, and it makes little sense that this wouldn't guarantee a meeting of the minds, but there you have it. Marriage and divorce: Crazy.
Oh, you know what might have helped? I like the man and respect him, regardless of if he doesn't want to be married to me. And I think somewhere inside he likes me, too. Maybe it says something good about us, that we chose to marry someone we can still like after a divorce.
Reply
Reply
...Maybe both at once. :)
Reply
And art school! How wonderful!
And yes, good for both of you - it could not have been easy, and yet you did it. A great testament to you both.
I'm so excited for you and your wonderful future!
Reply
And I know OMG ART SCHOOL!!! I am going to have to work my buttocks off! Can I even memorize paintings and people and places and times anymore?!?
Reply
And congratulations!! Enjoy every minute of this new start!
Reply
Reply
The Great Prince
Reply
And I'm so glad WE don't have to break up over this - I would just DIE if I wasn't able to get the "Top Songs of 2006" like, you know, next December! I mean, really - I got to keep hangin' with the 'bros in the knows', you know? Ear to the street, hip on the happenings and all that. Word to your mother. (Though that's kindda hard when she's in some train in China somewhere)
PS You know what one of my favorite things to do with my friends is? Come visit them at their house for a long weekend of fun (and sketching)! 'Bout time for me to take a trip to San Fran, eh?
Reply
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment