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(Untitled)
I'm spiraling down again. I feel like I'm going into self destruct mode and despite fighting it the best I can, I can't help but feel like I can't fight it off for much longer.
From the outside things look great. But on the inside I'm a mess. I feel guilty because I'm barely keeping it together for my family. I wish I knew that they'd be okay ( Read more... ) -
It doesn't get easier.
I can't believe it's been 3 years that you've been gone. I miss you so much, and think about you every day. You'd laugh, but I named my son after you. And even though you'd laugh, I know it'd make you happy.
Speaking of my boy, I have to attend to him now. I just wanted to let you and everyone else know that I miss you and love you Collin. -
Day 3
I gave up.
Maybe I'll attempt it again in the morning. All it did was make me feel like crap, mentally and physically. -
Day 2
She's the devil. Evil skinny bitch ( Read more... ) -
Out of shape.
Last night I started Jillian Michaels' 30-Day Shred workout. I honestly felt like I was going to die about halfway through the 20 minute workout, but I managed to finish. Hopefully by the end of this month I'll be down to where I was before I got pregnant, and then I can work towards where I was before I went to Focus. I'm using my size 11 jeans ( Read more... ) -
Happy one year for me.
Today I'm silently celebrating being one year free of self injury. It's been both the hardest and most rewarding year of my life ( Read more... ) -
No sleep.
Fuck insomnia. I've always been a night person, but this is getting a little extreme. I do like daylight hours, and would like to see more than a couple of them each day. Grrr. -
This is ridiculous.
I need a hobby. I'm not crafty, I'm tired of reading the same books over and over again, and sticking to our budget is limiting my options. I think I'd rather be in the field with DJ than not being able to sleep when he's gone. Lame codependency issues suck ( Read more... ) -
Venting and crying. Lame.
I'm sick of hearing about baby showers. Maybe it's because I'm closer to the timeframe when pregnant women have baby showers and I'm not having one, or maybe it's because it feels like no one cares enough to even mention the possibility of one. I feel ridiculous sitting here crying over it. It really does feel like no one cares enough to even ( Read more... )