Just found something I wrote my first semester at umass, and I didn't know it then, but now i see it's about how i was never meant to go to school. fuck. it was a prophecy i missed
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keep writing! i'm envious of that courage you possess. i keep quiet about my personal affairs now. i wish i had been able to chronicle the past two years of my life on livejournal instead of the scattered disarray of notebooks i've resorted to which, for the most part, i've destroyed.
of course, no one is meant to go to school; no one is meant to do anything. ("except die!" as my high school psych teacher always quipped.)
but i also mean that you weren't meant to not go to school. i've been out of classes since I took medical leave in the fall of 2009. that's hard for me to admit. sometimes i think a college degree is so absurd, but then i am faced with the reality that a lot of jobs that are important to me do require a degree. i was looking into americorps for a moment and realized that despite having been in college for what seems like forever, i'm still only eligible for positions that are available to a high school graduate. we've changed so much since high school, you know! i've furiously come to believe that the value of a bachelors degree is not so much about the learning, but of one's capability to complete a course of study at university. & there are so many disgusting variables that constitute the chasm between one's "capability" (e.g. finance, health) and one's true "ability". & so many out-of-focus implications that tend to be drawn, both externally and internally, from that distinction
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I am sure I'm done with college forever, or since there is no such thing as forever, in any future I can conceive of. I've always said that dropping out of highschool was the best choice I ever made. Maybe dropping out of college will come to be the second best.
I don't need a degree for anything I want to do, which is namely to write, cook vegan food, organize, and be a badass.
I've found one way already to do all these at once, I'm putting together a zine to distribute during an anti-racist anti-assimilationist action at noho pride, the printing of which will be funded by a vegan bake sale.
school has seriously always strangled the fuck out of me, though so has inactivity, but if I can keep avoiding both I think I'll be allllright.
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of course, no one is meant to go to school; no one is meant to do anything. ("except die!" as my high school psych teacher always quipped.)
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I've always said that dropping out of highschool was the best choice I ever made. Maybe dropping out of college will come to be the second best.
I don't need a degree for anything I want to do, which is namely to write, cook vegan food, organize, and be a badass.
I've found one way already to do all these at once, I'm putting together a zine to distribute during an anti-racist anti-assimilationist action at noho pride, the printing of which will be funded by a vegan bake sale.
school has seriously always strangled the fuck out of me, though so has inactivity, but if I can keep avoiding both I think I'll be allllright.
Reply
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