He looked so fragile, he looked so small...and he wondered why he was still alive at all...
Title: Anymore (All That's Left Are The Dregs)
Author: slasher48 / bad_bad_books
Rating: PG-13, because it's been a while, okay? ;)
Pairing: Unrequited Vam. Mostly just Ville ranting.
Disclaimer: Though it is very possible this happened, I am not especially certain, nor am I in Valo's hamper, checking up on whether it's true. Therefore, don't sue.
Summary: According to a good friend of mine (have_666_mercy , if I'm not mistaken), Bam took off for Vegas before Ville actually made his now-famous apology in Los Angeles. This is the aftermath, when Ville realizes what's happened. (Prompt 057. -- Morose)
Warning(s): Major Bam bashing. If you can't take a little heat on Bam, get out of slasher's kitchen. Also, this is extremely short, because it's just one of many (I hope).
Dedicated to melindajane because she blew me away tonight and blew this idea into my head. As usual, she is my muse and my one true lifepartner. Love you, lady!
That apology was heartfelt, Bam. I tore it from me like it was a piece of my soul, even though I couldn’t have been sure you would accept it. It may have sounded like a joke, but how many other life-altering words have we said to each other under that guise? You should have known.
It was like a death blow finding out you had never heard it. My chest caved in a little when I got the voicemail playing out your Vegas adventures. I suppose I should be grateful you even remembered me that well, to at least call me after you had hightailed it away from my show and our crumbling friendship without warning me.
But I’m really not. I’m not, Bam, and you can’t make me that way. I’m an afterthought to you now, and you can’t pretend things aren’t like that. Not anymore.
I don’t want to remember what we fought about, and I don’t want you to bring it up like it’s over, like everything is resolved already. Everything will never be resolved as long as you continue to treat my feelings like you treat everything else, as fragile as glass and as unimportant as ash. I do not care if I’m a “whiny bitch”, do you understand? Not anymore!
I hear little sound bites sometimes when I’m not busy and less angry at you. I’ll pick up my laptop for the first time in days, visit a site that dictates your every move like it’s my own personal instruction manual, and catch the edge of something you’ve said. It usually boils my blood, especially when the harlot you’ve chosen as your own responds, but it also makes me miss you, because it sounds like you’re having a good time.
You pride yourself on that, don’t you, Bam? Even when you’d rather throw yourself off a building than breathe for one more moment, you can make yourself sound completely carefree. You come off like you’re riding a rollercoaster rather than living life about half the time; the other half you’re not on the air, and usually crying. The other half you’re mostly alone and mostly have chosen to be that way. I pride myself on having gotten close enough to you to be one of your only shoulders to cry on - to bear witness to those awful times when you’ve gotten off the ride. I suppose that shows us right there how different we are, yeah?
What’s happened to you now? You were a - well, not a good boy, but you were decent once. In a time when you would never have even thought about divorcing the supposed love of your life and sleeping with the rubbish, in a time where you were still less of an addict than Novak, in a time where you would never have blown off something that wrenched at my gut just to say it. You were decent. You were the Bam I know I love.
It’s like somebody’s carved you, stripped everything away in the way my mother used to carve our Christmas ham. You’re only the dregs of yourself, Bam, and looking at you makes me sick to my stomach with all you’ve lost.
Looking at you isn’t looking at you anymore; there’s a transparent wall between us now, and every moment staring into your eyes is a moment I might as well have closed my own, for all the good it’s done. What is left of you is not in your eyes, not in your smile; you face me as a stranger.
Look who's back with a brand new rap!
Yes, I admit, I too have been sucked into the vortex that is Bam's downward spiral and the lack of Vam activity lately.
But what matters is I returned, right? So please let me know what you think of what I have for you here!
I have missed you all so much!
Author: slasher48 / bad_bad_books
Rating: PG-13, because it's been a while, okay? ;)
Pairing: Unrequited Vam. Mostly just Ville ranting.
Disclaimer: Though it is very possible this happened, I am not especially certain, nor am I in Valo's hamper, checking up on whether it's true. Therefore, don't sue.
Summary: According to a good friend of mine (have_666_mercy , if I'm not mistaken), Bam took off for Vegas before Ville actually made his now-famous apology in Los Angeles. This is the aftermath, when Ville realizes what's happened. (Prompt 057. -- Morose)
Warning(s): Major Bam bashing. If you can't take a little heat on Bam, get out of slasher's kitchen. Also, this is extremely short, because it's just one of many (I hope).
Dedicated to melindajane because she blew me away tonight and blew this idea into my head. As usual, she is my muse and my one true lifepartner. Love you, lady!
That apology was heartfelt, Bam. I tore it from me like it was a piece of my soul, even though I couldn’t have been sure you would accept it. It may have sounded like a joke, but how many other life-altering words have we said to each other under that guise? You should have known.
It was like a death blow finding out you had never heard it. My chest caved in a little when I got the voicemail playing out your Vegas adventures. I suppose I should be grateful you even remembered me that well, to at least call me after you had hightailed it away from my show and our crumbling friendship without warning me.
But I’m really not. I’m not, Bam, and you can’t make me that way. I’m an afterthought to you now, and you can’t pretend things aren’t like that. Not anymore.
I don’t want to remember what we fought about, and I don’t want you to bring it up like it’s over, like everything is resolved already. Everything will never be resolved as long as you continue to treat my feelings like you treat everything else, as fragile as glass and as unimportant as ash. I do not care if I’m a “whiny bitch”, do you understand? Not anymore!
I hear little sound bites sometimes when I’m not busy and less angry at you. I’ll pick up my laptop for the first time in days, visit a site that dictates your every move like it’s my own personal instruction manual, and catch the edge of something you’ve said. It usually boils my blood, especially when the harlot you’ve chosen as your own responds, but it also makes me miss you, because it sounds like you’re having a good time.
You pride yourself on that, don’t you, Bam? Even when you’d rather throw yourself off a building than breathe for one more moment, you can make yourself sound completely carefree. You come off like you’re riding a rollercoaster rather than living life about half the time; the other half you’re not on the air, and usually crying. The other half you’re mostly alone and mostly have chosen to be that way. I pride myself on having gotten close enough to you to be one of your only shoulders to cry on - to bear witness to those awful times when you’ve gotten off the ride. I suppose that shows us right there how different we are, yeah?
What’s happened to you now? You were a - well, not a good boy, but you were decent once. In a time when you would never have even thought about divorcing the supposed love of your life and sleeping with the rubbish, in a time where you were still less of an addict than Novak, in a time where you would never have blown off something that wrenched at my gut just to say it. You were decent. You were the Bam I know I love.
It’s like somebody’s carved you, stripped everything away in the way my mother used to carve our Christmas ham. You’re only the dregs of yourself, Bam, and looking at you makes me sick to my stomach with all you’ve lost.
Looking at you isn’t looking at you anymore; there’s a transparent wall between us now, and every moment staring into your eyes is a moment I might as well have closed my own, for all the good it’s done. What is left of you is not in your eyes, not in your smile; you face me as a stranger.
Look who's back with a brand new rap!
Yes, I admit, I too have been sucked into the vortex that is Bam's downward spiral and the lack of Vam activity lately.
But what matters is I returned, right? So please let me know what you think of what I have for you here!
I have missed you all so much!