(no subject)
Title: Don't Let Go
Author: myforgottenpain
Pairing: Vam
Rating: R for language and violence.
Summary: “Don't let go... because if you won't, then I won't...”
Disclaimer: I don't own anything connected to Ville Valo, or Bam Margera. (Or anyone else mentioned) Nor do I imply that in reality they are anything but friends. The only character I own in this whole story is Eevi. Additionally the title and summary obviously belong to our lovely Ville.
Authors Notes: This story has been about five years in the making. I'm still shocked that this is happening. Hopefully it will be as good as I hope it is.
Guest appearances made by: Johnny Knoxville, Brandon Novak, Ryan Dunn, Larui Ylonen, Anita and Kari Valo, the always beautiful Jonne “little pixie” Aaron, Tuomas from Nightwish, Jussi and Jyrki from 69 Eyes and the men of Apocalyptica. So many pretty Finns! Do I have enough?
**I can't believe I forgot this... but this is a vampire fic... so it's AU. xD and dedicated to the lovely beta: Slasher48 thanks again darling!
The room was open and spacious; in fact it was probably as big as most of Ryan's first floor. Johnny was looking through a partly opened door, watching as long lovely drapes fluttered in the wind from an open window. There was a window seat with elegant decorative pillows. The woodworking was more beautiful than he had ever seen in his life. Seeing the room as he would if he were actually standing there, Johnny watched as a hand reached out and pushed the door the rest of the way open. But something wasn't right... that wasn't his hand.
The door opened more and revealed a large canopy bed. The wind from the window was rustling the heavy curtain of the bed, giving him brief glimpses of the pair on the bed. He hurried over to it and yanked the curtain back and felt fear and horror wash over him.
Bam was lying on his back, wearing nothing but a pair of black pants. His face was contorted in pain as he gripped onto the figure over him. Someone else was kneeling over Bam; he was wearing nothing but a pair of pants as well, while his long hair almost completely shielded his face. But Johnny knew who this was… Bam had spoken of nothing but this being for days and he could see what Ville was doing. He appeared to be sucking on Bam's collarbone and Johnny had the feeling that the man was drinking Bam's blood.
He watched as Bam whimpered and then noticed a knife lying on the bed next to them. Not even taking into thought why Bam wasn't using it to defend himself, he grabbed it and plunged it into the man's shoulder blade. Johnny fell back as the creature screamed out in pain. He used the word creature, because normally people don't have fanged teeth, nor do they drink the blood of people!
Bam scrambled to a sitting position, tears running down his cheeks almost as quickly as the blood was running down his chest. Johnny watched the man as he arched his back in pain, his blood-tinted teeth shining in the light of the room.
Bam's face contorted in horror and his silent scream shocked Johnny awake.
Gasping and crying himself, Johnny fell out of bed and ran down the hall to Ryan's room. He didn't bother to knock, but practically tore the door down in an attempt to get to Ryan.
Ryan shot awake and watched as Johnny crawled into bed with him, shaking all over, pale with fright. "Dude I love you like a brother, but what the hell are you doing in my bed?"
Johnny tried to calm down enough to explain to Ryan the dream he had just had. "I don't like this guy Ryan.” The image of Bam running to Ville, sadness shining in his eyes, repeated over and over in his head. “I'm really scared."
Ryan nodded, pulling Johnny in for a hug. "I don't like it either, but Bam is not going to let it go."
***
Bam's eyes popped open and immediately, he started to look around. He quickly realized he wasn't in his room, so the next task was to figure out where he was. The past few nights had left him all too used to this procedure.
He spotted Ville next to the window. In the few times that they had had these little dream encounters, Ville had steadily gotten closer and closer to him. Now he was just a few feet away from him.
Sitting up in bed, Bam watched Ville for a moment. "I see you still don't trust my friends." Bam said playfully.
Ville turned from the window and his eyes danced, a small smile on his lips. "I see you still insist on riding around on a flimsy piece of wood attached to tiny wheels."
His tone was just as playful as Bam's.
Bam crawled over to the edge of the bed, sitting on it a moment.
"What are you?" There was no answer and it didn't surprise Bam. He had yet to have an answer to that one. He knew he wasn't dealing with a human. No human could do this. Create whole worlds and hold conversations with people all in their heads.
"Fine...how long are we going to do this?" Bam asked, picking at the blanket on the bed. Once again he pondered over how real that action was.
"Do what?" Ville asked.
"You standing over there... me sitting over here..."
Ville frowned and Bam could sense his disapproval. "I thought you liked talking to me."
"I do like talking to you Ville. And as super exciting as it is to have these moments, it would be nice to have them in the real world too." Bam said.
"This is real." Ville reminded him.
"No...This is like some cracked out version of the matrix. I want you to talk to my friends. I want them to know you aren't as evil as they seem to think you are." He slowly moved from the bed and attempted to walk over to Ville, feeling the tension that rose in the air from it. Something lingered just under the surface, but Bam couldn't put a name to it.
"Someday," Ville promised.
Bam sighed and tried to hug Ville. He stumbled forward and against the wall that Ville had been leaning against. He didn't need to look to know Ville was on the other side of the room now.
"Why can't someday be now?"
Silence surrounded Bam moments before his eyes shot open. Groaning, he rolled over onto his side and snuggled into his blankets more.
"Are you alright?" Novak asked, prying one of Bam's eyes open.
"Yes, why?" Bam asked, pressing his face into his pillow.
"Dude... you have been asleep for like... fifteen hours. We were about to call the cops or something." Ryan replied, leaning over the back of the couch to look at Bam.
"Then we remembered the cops don't come to this part of town anymore." Novak replied.
"Are you sure you’re alright?" Ryan asked, concerned over how tired Bam still looked.
"I'm fine... no worries... really." Bam said, offering Ryan a smile.
"You were dreaming about him again, weren't you?" Johnny asked, standing over Novak who was crouched next to the couch.
Bam sighed; he wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep. He sat up and rubbed his face. "It's not just... dreaming about him. We talk... it's like... he gets into my head and we... I don't know... commune or something. It’s hard to explain."
"It sounds freaky." Novak grumbled.
Bam sighed, "It’s not though. I really miss him when he's gone."
"How can you miss someone you have never really talked to before?" Ryan asked.
Bam shrugged, "I don't know. I just do. I think about him when he isn't around and I miss him. I wish you could talk to him too. But for some reason he just doesn't trust you." More than that, Bam missed the sense of attention and need he knew he was getting from the other man. It was probably unhealthy to think this way, but Bam craved attention and the other man was more than willing to give it to him in abundance.
"Probably because he knows Ryan is waiting to stake him through the heart." Johnny said with a grin, making Novak and Bam laugh.
Ryan squinted his eyes at Johnny. "I'm only looking out for my friend."
"Hey Johnny... what made you say stake?" Novak asked.
"Huh?" Johnny asked, taking the spot next to Bam.
"You said Ryan was going to stake him. What made you say stake? Why not shoot... or stab?" Novak asked.
Bam was surprised at how intelligent that question was. "Hey... that’s a good point."
Johnny shrugged, "I don't know really. It’s just what popped into my head."
***
"How's Bam doing?" Jonne asked, watching Ville pace around the room. He was in his favorite chair once more, relaxed when everyone else seemed so tense and nervous. In fact, his attention was on Ville just as much as the metal slinky he was moving from one hand to the next. It wasn’t that he didn’t respect Ville and didn’t have any concern about what he was going through. In fact, he understood on a level some of the others couldn’t. He just enjoyed the noise it made.
"I don't know... I'm all confused." Ville answered.
Jonne closed his eyes and hummed to himself. "I didn't ask how you were. I asked how Bam was doing."
Ville slowed to a stop and drew in a breath. "He's amazing."
"So amazing you can't face him still?" Jonne asked, opening one eye to look at Ville.
His friend frowned, causing Jonne to slam his slinky down. He crawled over his desk and hopped off the other side. He walked over to Ville and gazed into his eyes for a moment.
"You're still afraid of your future." He sighed and shook his head. "If you cling to the fear of what may happen, you will miss out on what is happening." Jonne replied simply.
"It’s easier said than done." Ville whispered.
"He's waiting for you Ville." Jonne said, leaning his head against Ville's shoulder. Ville leaned his head against Jonne's head. "He is waiting for you to come to him every night. Yet you always leave him hungry for more."
"He doesn't know what he wants." Ville whispered, eyes falling shut.
"Like you do?" Jonne posed, looking to Ville, who looked down. "Just because he hasn't put a label on his feelings, doesn't mean there isn't potential."
"Didn't you tell me to forget him?" Ville asked, rubbing his forehead.
Jonne chuckled, "I only said that because I knew it's what you wanted me to say. Plus, it’s not like you were going to listen to me anyways."
***
"We're meeting on the streets now?" Bam asked, and he swore he could hear his voice echoing. He was moving down the same dark street he always took when he went to visit Ryan. It was damp tonight and glistened with dew. Steam rose from the sewer grates, disturbed when Bam walked through it. He was being pulled through total darkness to a single streetlight that highlighted the other man's figure.
He approached Ville with a naive ease that came with not caring about what kinds of risks he took. Ville didn't look up at him, even when the mortal was right next to him. Bam moved so he could look at Ville's face better, offering the taller man a carefree smile.
"What's the long face for? Aren't you happy to see me, Stalker?" Bam asked jokingly and succeeded in pulling a small smile from Ville.
"See, that wasn't so hard." Bam said, as Ville finally looked at him. Their eyes met and Bam's smile faltered. There was so much in that green gaze. So much that he couldn't understand, so much that scared him. Yet, as always when it came to the other man, he just couldn't let go. He wanted to know. He wanted to understand. More importantly, he wanted Ville to continue wanting him. He was as addicted to the attention he was getting as he was to the mysterious man that was providing it.
"You don't have a single care in the world, do you Bam?" Ville finally asked, his eyes moving from Bam's finally. He knew the answer, but he wanted to hear it anyways.
Bam thought about the question for a moment, "Nope."
"You never worry what might happen? That you will make a bad choice and ruin everything?" Ville asked, moving away from the street lamp. Bam followed, as did the light that seemed to surround only them.
"Nope." Bam answered a little quicker this time.
"What's that like?"
Bam was initially confused. "What do you mean?"
"What's it like to never worry about the consequences of your actions?" Ville restated his question, stopping to look at Bam again. "What's it like to be free?"
Bam shrugged, "I don't know... I've never been anything else."
Ville nodded and continued walking. This time Bam wasn't able to follow. It filled him with a sense of panic, despite how relaxed Ville was still.
"You're luckier then you realize, Bam." Ville's voice echoed in his head as the taller man vanished into the darkness.
Bam gasped and sat up in bed, his body trembling. Sighing, he flopped back into bed, wondering how much more of this he could take.
Chapter One
http://community.livejournal.com/__vam/4231585.html?view=59579041#t59579041
Chapter Two
http://community.livejournal.com/__vam/4233775.html#cutid1
Chapter Three
http://community.livejournal.com/__vam/4240673.html?view=59682337#t59682337
Chapter Four
http://community.livejournal.com/__vam/4244015.html?view=59732015#t59732015
Chapter Five
http://community.livejournal.com/__vam/4249412.html#cutid1
Author: myforgottenpain
Pairing: Vam
Rating: R for language and violence.
Summary: “Don't let go... because if you won't, then I won't...”
Disclaimer: I don't own anything connected to Ville Valo, or Bam Margera. (Or anyone else mentioned) Nor do I imply that in reality they are anything but friends. The only character I own in this whole story is Eevi. Additionally the title and summary obviously belong to our lovely Ville.
Authors Notes: This story has been about five years in the making. I'm still shocked that this is happening. Hopefully it will be as good as I hope it is.
Guest appearances made by: Johnny Knoxville, Brandon Novak, Ryan Dunn, Larui Ylonen, Anita and Kari Valo, the always beautiful Jonne “little pixie” Aaron, Tuomas from Nightwish, Jussi and Jyrki from 69 Eyes and the men of Apocalyptica. So many pretty Finns! Do I have enough?
**I can't believe I forgot this... but this is a vampire fic... so it's AU. xD and dedicated to the lovely beta: Slasher48 thanks again darling!
The room was open and spacious; in fact it was probably as big as most of Ryan's first floor. Johnny was looking through a partly opened door, watching as long lovely drapes fluttered in the wind from an open window. There was a window seat with elegant decorative pillows. The woodworking was more beautiful than he had ever seen in his life. Seeing the room as he would if he were actually standing there, Johnny watched as a hand reached out and pushed the door the rest of the way open. But something wasn't right... that wasn't his hand.
The door opened more and revealed a large canopy bed. The wind from the window was rustling the heavy curtain of the bed, giving him brief glimpses of the pair on the bed. He hurried over to it and yanked the curtain back and felt fear and horror wash over him.
Bam was lying on his back, wearing nothing but a pair of black pants. His face was contorted in pain as he gripped onto the figure over him. Someone else was kneeling over Bam; he was wearing nothing but a pair of pants as well, while his long hair almost completely shielded his face. But Johnny knew who this was… Bam had spoken of nothing but this being for days and he could see what Ville was doing. He appeared to be sucking on Bam's collarbone and Johnny had the feeling that the man was drinking Bam's blood.
He watched as Bam whimpered and then noticed a knife lying on the bed next to them. Not even taking into thought why Bam wasn't using it to defend himself, he grabbed it and plunged it into the man's shoulder blade. Johnny fell back as the creature screamed out in pain. He used the word creature, because normally people don't have fanged teeth, nor do they drink the blood of people!
Bam scrambled to a sitting position, tears running down his cheeks almost as quickly as the blood was running down his chest. Johnny watched the man as he arched his back in pain, his blood-tinted teeth shining in the light of the room.
Bam's face contorted in horror and his silent scream shocked Johnny awake.
Gasping and crying himself, Johnny fell out of bed and ran down the hall to Ryan's room. He didn't bother to knock, but practically tore the door down in an attempt to get to Ryan.
Ryan shot awake and watched as Johnny crawled into bed with him, shaking all over, pale with fright. "Dude I love you like a brother, but what the hell are you doing in my bed?"
Johnny tried to calm down enough to explain to Ryan the dream he had just had. "I don't like this guy Ryan.” The image of Bam running to Ville, sadness shining in his eyes, repeated over and over in his head. “I'm really scared."
Ryan nodded, pulling Johnny in for a hug. "I don't like it either, but Bam is not going to let it go."
***
Bam's eyes popped open and immediately, he started to look around. He quickly realized he wasn't in his room, so the next task was to figure out where he was. The past few nights had left him all too used to this procedure.
He spotted Ville next to the window. In the few times that they had had these little dream encounters, Ville had steadily gotten closer and closer to him. Now he was just a few feet away from him.
Sitting up in bed, Bam watched Ville for a moment. "I see you still don't trust my friends." Bam said playfully.
Ville turned from the window and his eyes danced, a small smile on his lips. "I see you still insist on riding around on a flimsy piece of wood attached to tiny wheels."
His tone was just as playful as Bam's.
Bam crawled over to the edge of the bed, sitting on it a moment.
"What are you?" There was no answer and it didn't surprise Bam. He had yet to have an answer to that one. He knew he wasn't dealing with a human. No human could do this. Create whole worlds and hold conversations with people all in their heads.
"Fine...how long are we going to do this?" Bam asked, picking at the blanket on the bed. Once again he pondered over how real that action was.
"Do what?" Ville asked.
"You standing over there... me sitting over here..."
Ville frowned and Bam could sense his disapproval. "I thought you liked talking to me."
"I do like talking to you Ville. And as super exciting as it is to have these moments, it would be nice to have them in the real world too." Bam said.
"This is real." Ville reminded him.
"No...This is like some cracked out version of the matrix. I want you to talk to my friends. I want them to know you aren't as evil as they seem to think you are." He slowly moved from the bed and attempted to walk over to Ville, feeling the tension that rose in the air from it. Something lingered just under the surface, but Bam couldn't put a name to it.
"Someday," Ville promised.
Bam sighed and tried to hug Ville. He stumbled forward and against the wall that Ville had been leaning against. He didn't need to look to know Ville was on the other side of the room now.
"Why can't someday be now?"
Silence surrounded Bam moments before his eyes shot open. Groaning, he rolled over onto his side and snuggled into his blankets more.
"Are you alright?" Novak asked, prying one of Bam's eyes open.
"Yes, why?" Bam asked, pressing his face into his pillow.
"Dude... you have been asleep for like... fifteen hours. We were about to call the cops or something." Ryan replied, leaning over the back of the couch to look at Bam.
"Then we remembered the cops don't come to this part of town anymore." Novak replied.
"Are you sure you’re alright?" Ryan asked, concerned over how tired Bam still looked.
"I'm fine... no worries... really." Bam said, offering Ryan a smile.
"You were dreaming about him again, weren't you?" Johnny asked, standing over Novak who was crouched next to the couch.
Bam sighed; he wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep. He sat up and rubbed his face. "It's not just... dreaming about him. We talk... it's like... he gets into my head and we... I don't know... commune or something. It’s hard to explain."
"It sounds freaky." Novak grumbled.
Bam sighed, "It’s not though. I really miss him when he's gone."
"How can you miss someone you have never really talked to before?" Ryan asked.
Bam shrugged, "I don't know. I just do. I think about him when he isn't around and I miss him. I wish you could talk to him too. But for some reason he just doesn't trust you." More than that, Bam missed the sense of attention and need he knew he was getting from the other man. It was probably unhealthy to think this way, but Bam craved attention and the other man was more than willing to give it to him in abundance.
"Probably because he knows Ryan is waiting to stake him through the heart." Johnny said with a grin, making Novak and Bam laugh.
Ryan squinted his eyes at Johnny. "I'm only looking out for my friend."
"Hey Johnny... what made you say stake?" Novak asked.
"Huh?" Johnny asked, taking the spot next to Bam.
"You said Ryan was going to stake him. What made you say stake? Why not shoot... or stab?" Novak asked.
Bam was surprised at how intelligent that question was. "Hey... that’s a good point."
Johnny shrugged, "I don't know really. It’s just what popped into my head."
***
"How's Bam doing?" Jonne asked, watching Ville pace around the room. He was in his favorite chair once more, relaxed when everyone else seemed so tense and nervous. In fact, his attention was on Ville just as much as the metal slinky he was moving from one hand to the next. It wasn’t that he didn’t respect Ville and didn’t have any concern about what he was going through. In fact, he understood on a level some of the others couldn’t. He just enjoyed the noise it made.
"I don't know... I'm all confused." Ville answered.
Jonne closed his eyes and hummed to himself. "I didn't ask how you were. I asked how Bam was doing."
Ville slowed to a stop and drew in a breath. "He's amazing."
"So amazing you can't face him still?" Jonne asked, opening one eye to look at Ville.
His friend frowned, causing Jonne to slam his slinky down. He crawled over his desk and hopped off the other side. He walked over to Ville and gazed into his eyes for a moment.
"You're still afraid of your future." He sighed and shook his head. "If you cling to the fear of what may happen, you will miss out on what is happening." Jonne replied simply.
"It’s easier said than done." Ville whispered.
"He's waiting for you Ville." Jonne said, leaning his head against Ville's shoulder. Ville leaned his head against Jonne's head. "He is waiting for you to come to him every night. Yet you always leave him hungry for more."
"He doesn't know what he wants." Ville whispered, eyes falling shut.
"Like you do?" Jonne posed, looking to Ville, who looked down. "Just because he hasn't put a label on his feelings, doesn't mean there isn't potential."
"Didn't you tell me to forget him?" Ville asked, rubbing his forehead.
Jonne chuckled, "I only said that because I knew it's what you wanted me to say. Plus, it’s not like you were going to listen to me anyways."
***
"We're meeting on the streets now?" Bam asked, and he swore he could hear his voice echoing. He was moving down the same dark street he always took when he went to visit Ryan. It was damp tonight and glistened with dew. Steam rose from the sewer grates, disturbed when Bam walked through it. He was being pulled through total darkness to a single streetlight that highlighted the other man's figure.
He approached Ville with a naive ease that came with not caring about what kinds of risks he took. Ville didn't look up at him, even when the mortal was right next to him. Bam moved so he could look at Ville's face better, offering the taller man a carefree smile.
"What's the long face for? Aren't you happy to see me, Stalker?" Bam asked jokingly and succeeded in pulling a small smile from Ville.
"See, that wasn't so hard." Bam said, as Ville finally looked at him. Their eyes met and Bam's smile faltered. There was so much in that green gaze. So much that he couldn't understand, so much that scared him. Yet, as always when it came to the other man, he just couldn't let go. He wanted to know. He wanted to understand. More importantly, he wanted Ville to continue wanting him. He was as addicted to the attention he was getting as he was to the mysterious man that was providing it.
"You don't have a single care in the world, do you Bam?" Ville finally asked, his eyes moving from Bam's finally. He knew the answer, but he wanted to hear it anyways.
Bam thought about the question for a moment, "Nope."
"You never worry what might happen? That you will make a bad choice and ruin everything?" Ville asked, moving away from the street lamp. Bam followed, as did the light that seemed to surround only them.
"Nope." Bam answered a little quicker this time.
"What's that like?"
Bam was initially confused. "What do you mean?"
"What's it like to never worry about the consequences of your actions?" Ville restated his question, stopping to look at Bam again. "What's it like to be free?"
Bam shrugged, "I don't know... I've never been anything else."
Ville nodded and continued walking. This time Bam wasn't able to follow. It filled him with a sense of panic, despite how relaxed Ville was still.
"You're luckier then you realize, Bam." Ville's voice echoed in his head as the taller man vanished into the darkness.
Bam gasped and sat up in bed, his body trembling. Sighing, he flopped back into bed, wondering how much more of this he could take.
Chapter One
http://community.livejournal.com/__vam/4231585.html?view=59579041#t59579041
Chapter Two
http://community.livejournal.com/__vam/4233775.html#cutid1
Chapter Three
http://community.livejournal.com/__vam/4240673.html?view=59682337#t59682337
Chapter Four
http://community.livejournal.com/__vam/4244015.html?view=59732015#t59732015
Chapter Five
http://community.livejournal.com/__vam/4249412.html#cutid1