For you - chapter two
Summary: Bam hasnt heard from Ville for six months, a phonecall from Ville leaves Bam utterly depressed and wishing for escape (I suck at summaries, please read? -bats eyelashes-)
Pairing :Vam
Rating : 15
Disclaimer : I dont own Ville or Bam and all lyrics belong to Joan Armatrading
All text in [[]] is a memory
All text in (()) are lyrics
The Weakness in Me
Ville’s POV
((I’m not the sort of person who falls in and quickly out of love))
I’m wondering Bammie how this is at all fair? I know you’re hurting I heard it in your voice. I killed a part of you when I told you I had married Jonna. I only hope it’s not gone forever. Killing that part of you would in turn kill a part of me.
The day I met you I changed. I fell in love with you. Fell in love with impulse and passion. You were so young Bam-Bam. So happy. So hyperactive. I remember how your hand was clammy when I shook it, you were shaking with nerves. I wanted to calm you. Soothe you. I remember pulling you into my arms and embracing you.
((But to you, I gave my affection, right from the start))
The start of a wonderful friendship my darling. If you can call what we have a friendship. To me it’s more than that. You’re more than just a friend in my heart, though I’ve always been so afraid to confess this to you. But of course, I’m bound now. To Jonna. My wife. I loved her when I met you although she wasn’t yet my partner. I loved her. I still do. I could never hurt her Bammie. I’m sorry your happiness is the price I have to pay in which to save her heart.
((I have a lover who loves me - how could I break such a heart?))
But please Bammie know this: thoughts of you never leave me alone. It’s such a sweet curse, my love for you. It tears me apart and at the same time soothes me. Tonight as I sit here across from Jonna my thoughts are not with her, they are far from her. They are hundreds of miles across the ocean, with you. I only wish my thoughts could transport me to you. So I could feel you in my arms and breathe in your scent.
((Yet still you get my attention))
I haven’t seen you in such a long time. Nine whole months. Have you forgotten about me? I think I’d die if you ever forgot about me! Are you to scared to come and visit me? Well I don’t blame you if you are scared after the argument I’m sure you overheard last time you were here.
[[I was sitting on the sofa smoking when Jonna got home. You were in the spare room. Sleeping off your jet lag. Jonna’s cheeks were flushed with the cold. It was freezing that November. She suddenly looked up and looked around. I asked her if she was ok, when she turned around she had that look in her eyes. The look I have learnt to fear. The look that tells me she’s about to explode.
“He’s here isn’t he?” She yelled advancing on me slowly. I nodded, fear making me unable to speak. I swear her eyes glowed red Bammie.
“You said we’d be alone with week Ville!” She was almost standing before me and I had the urge to flee. Into you. To you who loves me unconditionally.
“Kulta I’m sorry. He just turned up. I didn’t know I swear” My voice was low and faltered. I looked up at her, my emerald eyes pleading with her to calm down.
“Send him away” Jonna said her voice a low feral growl. My heart stopped. Send you away? How could she even suggest such a thing? I shook my head and suddenly her hand connected with my cheek and the pain stung its way over my face. A tear fell and sunk into the dark material of my jeans.
“I’m fed up of him Ville! He loves you I know it! He’s obsessed with you!
“Jonna you have it all wrong. There’s nothing like that between us. We’re just best friends”
“Bullshit, you’re on the phone to him all the time! You never tell him you’re busy! You drop everything to hear him speak!” This of course was true; I did love hearing you speak. I did love the conversations me and you had but I’m sure would have torn my face off if I agreed with her.
“Baby, he just need’s a friend. That’s all I am and all he is to me” I stood up taking her hands and kissed her softly. I felt the waves of anger emanating off of her. Oh Bammie, I’m so sorry you’ve had to hear this. I’m sorry I had to speak these lies! It worked I felt her calm in my arms and I knew at least for now she believed my lies.]]
((Why do you come here?
When you know I’ve got troubles enough
Why do you call me?
When you know I can’t answer the phone
You make me lie
When I don’t want to
And make someone else some kind of an unknowing fool))
Bammie you are so strong! To hear those lies. The lies I told all those months ago. How your hope must have died that day! But still you didn’t push me away, for the rest of the four days I remember you were perfectly normal.
((Are you so strong or is all the weakness in me?))
I remember saying goodbye to you at the airport. I didn’t know I wouldn’t see you again for so long. How many times had you gotten away with pretending to just be in the area on business? How many times had Jonna believed that? Too many. I knew she wouldn’t believe that anymore, she’d accuse us more so, I was sure of it and I told you so. I remember hearing the boarding call for your flight and seeing that flicker of fear and pain in your eyes. I wonder if it was reflected in my own eyes.
I certainly felt pain. How I’ve always hated saying goodbye to you and how I’ve always hidden the unshed tears in my eyes. You hugged me tightly that day. It felt like goodbye. I never wanted to let you go. I didn’t want to go back to my apartment and see Jonna, I wanted to see you. Sitting there, waiting for me.
((Why do you come here?
And pretend to be just passing by
But I need see you
And I need to hold you tightly))
I’ve barely slept in the last three days. Every time I drift off I’m plagued by dreams of you hurting yourself. Since I told you and heard something die. I feel so guilty. I know I’ve led you on in the past. Given you hope and with that one phone call I snatched back all of that hope and smashed it. I’m worried about you Brandon. I heard you called the wedding with Missy off. Why? I heard about it only two months ago. Darling if I had known you weren’t going to marry Missy, I would have come to you. Confessed all. You don’t realise how far under my skin you are. I wish I could leave her Bam. I really do! But I cant, she holds me in place. With fear and with the twisted love we share.
((Feeling guilty, worried
Waking from tormented sleep
Oh, this old love has me bound
But the new love cuts me deep))
How do I make a choice Bammie? How do I choose between you and Jonna? This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. No one is making me. But I need to. I can’t be with her but think of you. Love you. With this choice I will hurt one of you. Break a heart when I really don’t want too. I wish I didn’t need both of you. But I do. I need you both, I love you both. My soul is torn in two.
((If I choose now
I’ll lose out
oh one of you has to fall
And I need you
And You))
My phone is ringing. I look at the caller ID and realise it is the number of the phone for your house. My heart leaps and I leave the room for fear of Jonna’s deathly glare. I greet who I assume to be you. It is not. It is your mother. Her sobs are hysterical. I only hear five words of the conversation before I drop the phone. Bam. Hospital. Suicide. Seriously. Ill.
I drop the phone and run into my bedroom dragging my suitcase from under my bed. What have I done? Oh Bammie what have you done? I phone Mige and ask him to book me a flight to Pennsylvania immediately, I do not realise I am crying until he asks me why I am.
I sob out that you are seriously ill. Maybe dying and hang up. I grab my car keys and my cigarettes not even giving Jonna a second look before I’m out of the door and driving crazily to the airport.
As I drive I realise I’ve made my choice. I’ve chosen you. I feel as though with every second my life is ebbing away with the knowledge you could die. I love you. I love you. I love you.
Oh Brandon! Don’t die. Please don’t die. I love you. I need you. I’m coming, just hold on. Don’t let go.
A/N: Review please?
Thank you to everyone who commented my first chapter, it drove me to write this chapter when I was going to leave the story as a one shot.
Pairing :Vam
Rating : 15
Disclaimer : I dont own Ville or Bam and all lyrics belong to Joan Armatrading
All text in [[]] is a memory
All text in (()) are lyrics
The Weakness in Me
Ville’s POV
((I’m not the sort of person who falls in and quickly out of love))
I’m wondering Bammie how this is at all fair? I know you’re hurting I heard it in your voice. I killed a part of you when I told you I had married Jonna. I only hope it’s not gone forever. Killing that part of you would in turn kill a part of me.
The day I met you I changed. I fell in love with you. Fell in love with impulse and passion. You were so young Bam-Bam. So happy. So hyperactive. I remember how your hand was clammy when I shook it, you were shaking with nerves. I wanted to calm you. Soothe you. I remember pulling you into my arms and embracing you.
((But to you, I gave my affection, right from the start))
The start of a wonderful friendship my darling. If you can call what we have a friendship. To me it’s more than that. You’re more than just a friend in my heart, though I’ve always been so afraid to confess this to you. But of course, I’m bound now. To Jonna. My wife. I loved her when I met you although she wasn’t yet my partner. I loved her. I still do. I could never hurt her Bammie. I’m sorry your happiness is the price I have to pay in which to save her heart.
((I have a lover who loves me - how could I break such a heart?))
But please Bammie know this: thoughts of you never leave me alone. It’s such a sweet curse, my love for you. It tears me apart and at the same time soothes me. Tonight as I sit here across from Jonna my thoughts are not with her, they are far from her. They are hundreds of miles across the ocean, with you. I only wish my thoughts could transport me to you. So I could feel you in my arms and breathe in your scent.
((Yet still you get my attention))
I haven’t seen you in such a long time. Nine whole months. Have you forgotten about me? I think I’d die if you ever forgot about me! Are you to scared to come and visit me? Well I don’t blame you if you are scared after the argument I’m sure you overheard last time you were here.
[[I was sitting on the sofa smoking when Jonna got home. You were in the spare room. Sleeping off your jet lag. Jonna’s cheeks were flushed with the cold. It was freezing that November. She suddenly looked up and looked around. I asked her if she was ok, when she turned around she had that look in her eyes. The look I have learnt to fear. The look that tells me she’s about to explode.
“He’s here isn’t he?” She yelled advancing on me slowly. I nodded, fear making me unable to speak. I swear her eyes glowed red Bammie.
“You said we’d be alone with week Ville!” She was almost standing before me and I had the urge to flee. Into you. To you who loves me unconditionally.
“Kulta I’m sorry. He just turned up. I didn’t know I swear” My voice was low and faltered. I looked up at her, my emerald eyes pleading with her to calm down.
“Send him away” Jonna said her voice a low feral growl. My heart stopped. Send you away? How could she even suggest such a thing? I shook my head and suddenly her hand connected with my cheek and the pain stung its way over my face. A tear fell and sunk into the dark material of my jeans.
“I’m fed up of him Ville! He loves you I know it! He’s obsessed with you!
“Jonna you have it all wrong. There’s nothing like that between us. We’re just best friends”
“Bullshit, you’re on the phone to him all the time! You never tell him you’re busy! You drop everything to hear him speak!” This of course was true; I did love hearing you speak. I did love the conversations me and you had but I’m sure would have torn my face off if I agreed with her.
“Baby, he just need’s a friend. That’s all I am and all he is to me” I stood up taking her hands and kissed her softly. I felt the waves of anger emanating off of her. Oh Bammie, I’m so sorry you’ve had to hear this. I’m sorry I had to speak these lies! It worked I felt her calm in my arms and I knew at least for now she believed my lies.]]
((Why do you come here?
When you know I’ve got troubles enough
Why do you call me?
When you know I can’t answer the phone
You make me lie
When I don’t want to
And make someone else some kind of an unknowing fool))
Bammie you are so strong! To hear those lies. The lies I told all those months ago. How your hope must have died that day! But still you didn’t push me away, for the rest of the four days I remember you were perfectly normal.
((Are you so strong or is all the weakness in me?))
I remember saying goodbye to you at the airport. I didn’t know I wouldn’t see you again for so long. How many times had you gotten away with pretending to just be in the area on business? How many times had Jonna believed that? Too many. I knew she wouldn’t believe that anymore, she’d accuse us more so, I was sure of it and I told you so. I remember hearing the boarding call for your flight and seeing that flicker of fear and pain in your eyes. I wonder if it was reflected in my own eyes.
I certainly felt pain. How I’ve always hated saying goodbye to you and how I’ve always hidden the unshed tears in my eyes. You hugged me tightly that day. It felt like goodbye. I never wanted to let you go. I didn’t want to go back to my apartment and see Jonna, I wanted to see you. Sitting there, waiting for me.
((Why do you come here?
And pretend to be just passing by
But I need see you
And I need to hold you tightly))
I’ve barely slept in the last three days. Every time I drift off I’m plagued by dreams of you hurting yourself. Since I told you and heard something die. I feel so guilty. I know I’ve led you on in the past. Given you hope and with that one phone call I snatched back all of that hope and smashed it. I’m worried about you Brandon. I heard you called the wedding with Missy off. Why? I heard about it only two months ago. Darling if I had known you weren’t going to marry Missy, I would have come to you. Confessed all. You don’t realise how far under my skin you are. I wish I could leave her Bam. I really do! But I cant, she holds me in place. With fear and with the twisted love we share.
((Feeling guilty, worried
Waking from tormented sleep
Oh, this old love has me bound
But the new love cuts me deep))
How do I make a choice Bammie? How do I choose between you and Jonna? This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. No one is making me. But I need to. I can’t be with her but think of you. Love you. With this choice I will hurt one of you. Break a heart when I really don’t want too. I wish I didn’t need both of you. But I do. I need you both, I love you both. My soul is torn in two.
((If I choose now
I’ll lose out
oh one of you has to fall
And I need you
And You))
My phone is ringing. I look at the caller ID and realise it is the number of the phone for your house. My heart leaps and I leave the room for fear of Jonna’s deathly glare. I greet who I assume to be you. It is not. It is your mother. Her sobs are hysterical. I only hear five words of the conversation before I drop the phone. Bam. Hospital. Suicide. Seriously. Ill.
I drop the phone and run into my bedroom dragging my suitcase from under my bed. What have I done? Oh Bammie what have you done? I phone Mige and ask him to book me a flight to Pennsylvania immediately, I do not realise I am crying until he asks me why I am.
I sob out that you are seriously ill. Maybe dying and hang up. I grab my car keys and my cigarettes not even giving Jonna a second look before I’m out of the door and driving crazily to the airport.
As I drive I realise I’ve made my choice. I’ve chosen you. I feel as though with every second my life is ebbing away with the knowledge you could die. I love you. I love you. I love you.
Oh Brandon! Don’t die. Please don’t die. I love you. I need you. I’m coming, just hold on. Don’t let go.
A/N: Review please?
Thank you to everyone who commented my first chapter, it drove me to write this chapter when I was going to leave the story as a one shot.