(no subject)
Title: For The Best (one shot)
Author: war_of_ataraxis
Rating: PG-13, Some cussing.
Pairing: VAM
Summary: Bam spills his feelings for Ville over a drunken night, but Ville denies the things he feels too in what he feels is a way to save the friendship.
Disclaimer: Don't own, never happened.
Writing archive found at love_sex_angst
We always sat around; we'd always just drink and be in each other's company. We would talk about pure nonsense as we obliterated our brains with the bitter liquid, filling the air with secrets only alcohol could pull from us.
I'd always called it liquid truth, it was like a truth serum, I always told you everything, and you told me everything, until you told me something that I couldn't handle.
"I love you, Ville," you whimpered to me one day as you worked on your twentieth or so beer, your eyes blurry and a small smile coming to your face as you watched me.
"Well, I love you too BamBam," I smiled back at you, ruffling your hair with my free hand before taking another swig of beer and turning back to the TV that had been on since we began our road to inebriation but had not been paid much mind.
Don't think I don't know what you mean, Bam... just leave it lie.
But you could never leave it there; you always had to push more, as you leaned to me and threw your empty bottle to the floor before wrapping your arms around my waist and resting your chin on my shoulder. I suppressed my shudder that came over me as you moved your head to place a gentle kiss to the frail skin of my neck.
Don't do this to me.
"No, Ville, I mean, I'm in love with you," you corrected me, your breath causing the hairs on my neck to stand up at attention.
Don't do this.
You placed another gentle kiss to my neck, then another, working up to my jaw line; you were driving me insane with want, but I couldn't do this, I fucking couldn't.
"Do you love me? Do you love me too?" this came as a plea as you nipped lightly on my neck, finally pushing me over into unregistered territory that I had always longed for, but had ignored. It was a minefield; I couldn't go there.
I shrugged you off of me, standing up and throwing my only semi-empty bottle to the ground. "No, Bam, now go to sleep. You'll sleep it off - I'll talk to you in the morning."
Then I headed towards the door and turned around only to see you as you threw yourself onto the flimsy hotel bed and began to cry.
I heard your sobs all through the night; I knew this was not something you were going to "just sleep off." I had known full well that you had feelings for me for quite some time. It had always been a lingering feeling in the back of my mind as I felt your eyes on me, but I had always ignored it.
I couldn't deal with it.
Because I felt the same way.
But do you know what something like love could do to our friendship, Bam? It can fucking obliterate it. We would be destroyed. Everything we are. I'm one that finds solace in the usual, and what if I lost you? What if we didn't have what we have anymore?
I knew you wouldn't cry it off, I knew your tears wouldn't wash away the feelings, and the ones I cried that night didn't wash away mine feelings either.
But we're men, and we're both too willing to seclude and hide our feelings, put them in a prison, and keep our silence, ignoring our hearts screams for comfort and things we know we could have but are too scared to acquire.
In the morning, you were bleary eyed, hung-over, the regular Bam on the mornings after our drunken madness. Your eyes scanned my face as we met downstairs to go to the studio; I knew you were silently asking me if I remembered last night, so I happily obliged with a lie.
"Man, we fucking got so drunk last night," I muttered, exaggeratedly rubbing my head as if it pounded, which it did slightly. "The last thing I remember is being thrown out of that bar for singing too loudly to the jukebox, and then the rest is a blur."
It wasn't a blur, and I could almost sense that you pulled that truth from me, but for once, unlike when you were drunk, you agreed to my silent pleas. You just nodded, too rubbing your head and looking at the ground.
"Yeah, we do some wild shit when we're drunk, huh?"
I nodded my agreement, biting my lip as I turned to look out of the hotel for the cab I'd called before I'd called you down, astounded by the sound of tears still lingering in your voice. You'd probably cried yourself to sleep and then woken up crying.
I did the same thing, love, I did the same thing... But you have to understand, sweetheart, this is for the best...
The cab finally pulled up and we both silently crawled into it, leaning our heads against the glass and immersed in our own thoughts of the prior night, half knowing and half wishing that things could have been different.
But they can't, Bam... it would be too hard. I don't want to lose you. We'll suffer, but we'll pull through it to satisfy the love without being outwardly in love. I love you, Bam, and you know that...
You caught my eyes glancing towards you and you gave me a sad smile before averting your eyes back outside the window to the flashy late morning LA streets.
I love you more than you'll know, even though you feel the same...
Just know, Bam, that this is for the best, I swear... It hurts, but you'll thank me in the end.
I love you too much to be in love with you.
* - * - * - *
A/N: Just a short little thing I wrote off the top of my head. Let me know what you thought. =)
Author: war_of_ataraxis
Rating: PG-13, Some cussing.
Pairing: VAM
Summary: Bam spills his feelings for Ville over a drunken night, but Ville denies the things he feels too in what he feels is a way to save the friendship.
Disclaimer: Don't own, never happened.
Writing archive found at love_sex_angst
We always sat around; we'd always just drink and be in each other's company. We would talk about pure nonsense as we obliterated our brains with the bitter liquid, filling the air with secrets only alcohol could pull from us.
I'd always called it liquid truth, it was like a truth serum, I always told you everything, and you told me everything, until you told me something that I couldn't handle.
"I love you, Ville," you whimpered to me one day as you worked on your twentieth or so beer, your eyes blurry and a small smile coming to your face as you watched me.
"Well, I love you too BamBam," I smiled back at you, ruffling your hair with my free hand before taking another swig of beer and turning back to the TV that had been on since we began our road to inebriation but had not been paid much mind.
Don't think I don't know what you mean, Bam... just leave it lie.
But you could never leave it there; you always had to push more, as you leaned to me and threw your empty bottle to the floor before wrapping your arms around my waist and resting your chin on my shoulder. I suppressed my shudder that came over me as you moved your head to place a gentle kiss to the frail skin of my neck.
Don't do this to me.
"No, Ville, I mean, I'm in love with you," you corrected me, your breath causing the hairs on my neck to stand up at attention.
Don't do this.
You placed another gentle kiss to my neck, then another, working up to my jaw line; you were driving me insane with want, but I couldn't do this, I fucking couldn't.
"Do you love me? Do you love me too?" this came as a plea as you nipped lightly on my neck, finally pushing me over into unregistered territory that I had always longed for, but had ignored. It was a minefield; I couldn't go there.
I shrugged you off of me, standing up and throwing my only semi-empty bottle to the ground. "No, Bam, now go to sleep. You'll sleep it off - I'll talk to you in the morning."
Then I headed towards the door and turned around only to see you as you threw yourself onto the flimsy hotel bed and began to cry.
I heard your sobs all through the night; I knew this was not something you were going to "just sleep off." I had known full well that you had feelings for me for quite some time. It had always been a lingering feeling in the back of my mind as I felt your eyes on me, but I had always ignored it.
I couldn't deal with it.
Because I felt the same way.
But do you know what something like love could do to our friendship, Bam? It can fucking obliterate it. We would be destroyed. Everything we are. I'm one that finds solace in the usual, and what if I lost you? What if we didn't have what we have anymore?
I knew you wouldn't cry it off, I knew your tears wouldn't wash away the feelings, and the ones I cried that night didn't wash away mine feelings either.
But we're men, and we're both too willing to seclude and hide our feelings, put them in a prison, and keep our silence, ignoring our hearts screams for comfort and things we know we could have but are too scared to acquire.
In the morning, you were bleary eyed, hung-over, the regular Bam on the mornings after our drunken madness. Your eyes scanned my face as we met downstairs to go to the studio; I knew you were silently asking me if I remembered last night, so I happily obliged with a lie.
"Man, we fucking got so drunk last night," I muttered, exaggeratedly rubbing my head as if it pounded, which it did slightly. "The last thing I remember is being thrown out of that bar for singing too loudly to the jukebox, and then the rest is a blur."
It wasn't a blur, and I could almost sense that you pulled that truth from me, but for once, unlike when you were drunk, you agreed to my silent pleas. You just nodded, too rubbing your head and looking at the ground.
"Yeah, we do some wild shit when we're drunk, huh?"
I nodded my agreement, biting my lip as I turned to look out of the hotel for the cab I'd called before I'd called you down, astounded by the sound of tears still lingering in your voice. You'd probably cried yourself to sleep and then woken up crying.
I did the same thing, love, I did the same thing... But you have to understand, sweetheart, this is for the best...
The cab finally pulled up and we both silently crawled into it, leaning our heads against the glass and immersed in our own thoughts of the prior night, half knowing and half wishing that things could have been different.
But they can't, Bam... it would be too hard. I don't want to lose you. We'll suffer, but we'll pull through it to satisfy the love without being outwardly in love. I love you, Bam, and you know that...
You caught my eyes glancing towards you and you gave me a sad smile before averting your eyes back outside the window to the flashy late morning LA streets.
I love you more than you'll know, even though you feel the same...
Just know, Bam, that this is for the best, I swear... It hurts, but you'll thank me in the end.
I love you too much to be in love with you.
* - * - * - *
A/N: Just a short little thing I wrote off the top of my head. Let me know what you thought. =)