Join me in death
links to other chapters:
chapters 1- 63: http://community.livejournal.com/__vam/1287089.html
Well here you go guys with last two chapters. I feel kind of sad it's over but I have said everything I wanted to say and I'm satisfied with this story in general.
Thank you all for being so nice to read and comment on it. It meant a lot.
So until the next story.....Enjoy it..
Chapter 64
It was still dark outside. The well-known morning darkness, the silent one sheltered them as their legs took them to the only place they knew they could go. They were young and alone in love, and those fingers interlaced warmly and gently were something only they could understand. Only they could understand the beauty of the of their hearts that even in this moment didn’t hate anybody.
They sat on the sand, like they had so many times before, Ville was leaned on the rocks and Bam on his chest. Ville’s head was resting on Bam’s shoulder and his arms wrapped around Bam were covered with Bam’s arms. They closed their eyes, breathing in the scent of one another and listening to the beat of their young loving hearts.
Could anyone understand the perfection of this moment? Could anyone reason the peace on their faces when their minds were arranging the closing scenes of their play. They had the best scenery and the perfect stage just waiting for them to say their final lines before the curtain falls.
“Listen Ville,” Bam whispered to his lover. “Do you hear that?”
“Yes, my love,” Ville whispered back hearing the low sound of drums that sky had started to play.
“Do you think the heaven is playing it for us?” he said letting himself be pulled closer to Ville.
“Yes,” he said with a little smile on his face. “Sounds like a perfect melody for us,” he said gently kissing Bam’s neck.
“Yeah,” Bam smiled then listened a few more beats coming from above them. “I think she understands us, you know. I have read somewhere that mother Nature always shows in her own ways how she feels about certain things,” he said in dreamy voice.
“It’s true my love,” Ville kissed his cheek. “When it rains it’s her crying tears of happiness, celebrating love. When she’s angry there is lighting in the sky cutting the clouds, cause she’s furious with people… When there are thunders in the distance… that she announcing some tragedy and rain is always cold when there are thunders cause she’s in mourning.”
“Just like now,” Bam whispered.
“Yes, just like now, my love,” he tightened his embrace.
“Air is still warm… Can you feel it?”
“Yes, I can.”
“I feel like she’s embracing us...”
“Protecting us…”
“She loves us…”
“She has made us…”
“Yes, she has,” Bam whispered with smile on his face. “Are we insane Ville?”
The loud thunder of protesting hurt their ears and their opened their eyes.
“There you go with your answer,” Ville chuckled, nuzzling in Bam’s neck.
“Sorry,” Bam said looking in the sky then he turned around to face Ville. He took Ville for his hands and looked him in his green eyes. They were peaceful like never before. Bam belonged there… right there in that emerald fields that were smiling at him with all the love they held for him. “Love,” he started insecurely, he didn’t want to enrage his lover or nature as well, but he had to hear it spoke out loud not just to feel it in his heart. “Do you regret falling in love with me?”
The sound of protesting came from the sky again but it didn’t made them broke their gaze.
Ville smiled at him reasurringly. He understood his lover cause though the words mean nothing in the end sometimes one just needs to hear the sweet music of beloved voice trying to convey the ways of heart. Ville rubbed Bam’s warm hands with his thumbs, “No, my love. That’s the best thing that could ever happen to me.” He gently cupped Bam’s face in his warm palms and placed one soft kiss on Bam’s lips, “You are the best thing that had happened to me. I could never regret that.”
“I just needed you to say it.”
“I know,” he smiled at Bam again.
“I love you Ville.”
“I love you too Bam.”
They leaned in long warm gentle kiss holding each other tight in embrace. A fragile kiss, lifht careful touch of their lips afraid to press harder and break one another. So voulnerable yet so strong.
“Make love to me Ville,” Bam whispered. “Make love to me for the last time in this life.”
He didn’t have to say it again that was what they both wanted. The last act they will play for the audience. The last scene they will reward us from the stage of life, there on the warm sand where it had all begun.
Come closer and take a good look and think. Have you ever kissed so tenderly that your heart was burning and melting under the gentle touch? Could you ever hear unspoken words of soul sealed with such kisses that no pass of time could ever erase them from your mind?
Don’t even try to make a sound and disturb them cause they can’t hear nothing but sweet music of their lips carving their love in their skin so deep that no age will ever be able to fade away the little marks and traces of their devotion. Don’t even think to get their attention cause in their world we don’t exist. They have rejected us just as we have rejected them first.
Can you see the little streams writhing their ways down their young cheeks so peacfully without any rush? But they’re not remorsing, they’re not sad, they’re not in pain they are unhurt but they are free at last. They’re celebrating the new beginning that lays ahead on their way in another world, a better one. In the world that’s not drowning in its decadence, confined with petty thoughts and false feelings. The world that won’t hate them for being bless with true love, the world that doesn’t call real love with the name of sin.
Watch them hold each other gently and tight, watch their bodies dance the last earthly dance of love. Watch their young bodies shiver in perfect unision following the rhythm of eternal love. Watch their eyes never leaving each other. Take a good look and see how they find their home in each other’s eyes, how they bury one into another.
They don’t speak, but their hearts talk. They don’t make sound but their eyes sing. They don’t ask for shelter but sun refuses to get in the sky and reveal them to the crooked eyes of world.
Listen…. It’s just thunder growing louder singing their names in the beat of high waves of love that whip the shore. It’s rising and echoing in the distance. It’s deafening you so not to hear the lovers’ last confessions. The lighting blinds you and you can’t see the moment when they become one for a few short seconds cause that moment belongs just to them and only for their eyes.
Now be very quiet and just watch don’t interfere no matter what you see or hear…
They held one another gently in their arms so close as never before and it never felt so right like it feels now. They were loosing each other and finding themselves again in one another’s eyes. They travelled so deep and so far reach the core of the beloved one and they discovered the love in its full intensity and they never knew it was so strong.
They gazed at each other caressing each other’s cheek as the thunder was growing louder but it was the singing their song, calling their names. Their lips got connected for a short moment of eternal love.
“It’s time my love,” the green eyes whispered with a warm smile.
“Let’s go, then,” the blue eyes whipered smiling back.
They slowly got up interlacing their fingers. Flash of the bright lihtning brightened their way and thunder hit the rhythm of their steps. Slowly taking one step at time they walked deeper into blue ocean holding hands smiling and gazing at each other. No words were spoken out loud but their eyes repeated their ultimate confessions of love.
They stopped and turned to each other. Ville opened his arms and Bam came closer their eyes never leaving each other. He placed his hands around Ville’s neck and smiled at Ville when he lifted him and he locked his legs around Ville’s waist. Ville held him tight but gently as always and he felt like feather in Ville’s arms. Crystals got lost in emeralds, velvety lips found their pair as Ville carried Bam to their new bed.
It seemed like the distance is very long almost endless but they will make it, they know, and they will never break this kiss, no… not this one… not this time… not ever again… they don’t have to stop… they’ll stay like this forever… forever…
Epilogue
The storm came out of blue, out of bright sky that night. It was a very unpleasant surprise since storms are rare in that part of the world. Sky was black for exactly seven days. Deafening sounds of thunders were the only music you could here there. Wind was blowing strong lifting lighter objects from the ground and throwing them back on the ground with such force that they would crash in pieces. Ocean was running wild. Waves were high and untamed batting the shore and rocks without mercy. It was all like God was raging at his flock
All the life in the town was brought to abrupt halt until the storm was over. Local people, except those very old ones, never heard or knew about such nasty weather especially during summer days. It all seemed like nature was protesting against some horrible deed, like sky was crying and mourning over some terrible, irreplaceable loss or maybe announcing some great tragedy soon to come.
When Bam or Ville didn’t appear anywhere next day or at least call to say where they are and with all that horrible weather raging outside April convinced her husband Phil that they should call the police. They told them just that the boys had disappeared. They never mentioned anything about the argument they had with them.
Because of the weather police wasn’t able to start the search until the storm stopped. When they finally started the search all they could find out were clothes left under the rocks on the beach so they assumed they had probably drowned in the ocean. They hoped the ocean will drop their bodies somewhere along the coast but it never happened.
Phil informed Kari and Anita about what happened in the Margera’s hotel room and how their sons have ran away and disappeared from the face of the earth. He gave them Ville’s clothes and told them that police is investigating the case and they will give them the rest of information. Phil took his opportunity to blame Kari and Anita for raising Ville, “sick little faggot” who poisoned his son with his virus and killed him. Kari was drunk more than usual which meant he was in his perfect mood for fighting. He threw some very harsh insults on Phil and April’s behalf and he got the fistfight he asked for. Only that fight was the last one in his life. He died on the way to the hospital. Phil got arrested for the murder but he hanged himself in the cell on his very first night in jail.
Anita returned to Finland with her dead husband’s body. After her husband’s death she was trying to drown her grief in alcohol. She got fired due to her constantly being drunk. Very soon she was diagnosed with cancer that progressed very fast and she was admitted to hospital where she had spent here last days on Earth. There were some stories that in the last hours of her life she was calling Ville’s name and begging him for forgiveness, apologizing to him for being bad mother. But we can never know that for sure.
April returned home alone. She couldn’t bear the emptiness that she was faced with in the big house. Stories about the downfall of once respected Margera family were filling local papers. She sold the house and moved to another small town but no matter where she would go the stories about her family’s tragedy would follow her and increase the feeling of guilt and responsibility for loss of son and husband until it literary pushed her over the edge of sanity. She was found roaming the streets of some town begging people to tell her something about her little Bam. She looked like mess, couldn’t remember her name or anything else. She was put in the asylum where she spent the rest of her life abandoned and forgot by everybody she ever knew in her life.
Jack and his crew heard about Ville’s and Bam’s disappearing in the ocean from local people and the police. They agreed never to talk about them for the rest of their lives and to go on with their lives like nothing had happened. But no matter how much they were trying to avoid it, other kids from the school were always asking questions about the couple they knew and little by little they were growing more and more distant. Some moved out of the town the very same year trying to escape from the feeling or being partly responsible for two deaths.
Whitney was the first one that left Jack’s crew. She moved out of the States together with her parents. She finished the university and turned to writing but she never became famous for it. She wrote pamphlets and articles about gay communities and spent her youth fighting for the rights of gay people in Europe. It was probably her way of trying to redeem herself. She never got married, people say she always said she never had time for family. Unfortunately, she never lived to see that gay people got rights to get married. She died of a heart attack in her 60ies.
Polly left the town next year. She went to some college and met some cool bloke there and got pregnant with his child. But the guy never had intention to spend the rest of his life with her so he dumped her the very moment she told him about pregnancy. Her parents disowned her when she told them about her condition. They threw her out on the street and she left the town. Last thing that anybody heard about her was that after the abortion she met some pimp who pulled her in drugs and prostitution somewhere near Mexican border.
Jack stopped skating after that summer but he never said why. He and Mike were the only ones that stayed in the town and Mike was the only one that still stayed Jack’s friend after that tragic summer. Left without his crew Jack cut himself from the society, from everybody he knew but Mike. He mostly never left his house. You could see him on the street only when he’d go to Mike’s garage. Then one day people saw him storming out of Mike’s garage and few minutes later he was found dead in his room. He shot himself with his father’s shotgun. He left a suicide note with only one sentence in it: “This world is cruel and I can’t bear it anymore.”
The day when Jack shot himself Mike was found unconscious, naked and covered in blood laying on the floor of his garage. He was beaten up, his face was completely deformed and he was barely alive when his parents found him that night and took him to the hospital. Doctors did what they could to save him. After very long and very complicated surgeries they managed to keep him alive. He was in coma for a short time when he woke up he never said what happened that day when he was found nor who did it to him. He said he couldn’t remember that day at all.
His parents gave in to his wish to move to the countryside and leave it all behind them. They took care of his son who remained chained to the wheelchair for the rest of his life. They died never finding out that the person that nearly killed their son, was the same one that had slept with him just a few minutes before he got disgusted with himself and Mike and vented it’s rage on their son. They had never found out that the same person that crippled their only son shot himself with his father’s shotgun. After the death of his parents Mike was taken to the health care centre for disabled persons. He spent his days in solitude of his room listening one and the same tape over and over reading one and the same little black journal.
You could say some kind of cosmic justice was satisfied. As you can all see there is no happy end to this story. Well at least not on this planet. Over the years of my wasted life ever since I got familiar with this story I couldn’t get it out of my head. I kept wondering about it. Where they brave or stupid for walking into the ocean that day? Well, I think you should decide that on your own. As far as I’m concerned they were strong and determinant not to let anything separate them. Not even death itself since their bodies where never found and I think it’s better that way cause that way they could never be put in separate coffins and buried in separate graves. No, I love to think that they still float young, beautiful and in love as we all got to know them. I love to live in romantic world where blue waves carry them embraced and kissing far away from the world that brought them together, the same world that made them disappear. But when you take everything what happened after they had left you could say they had defeated the world. You could say they made the world pay for its cruelty. They made the world shatter into pieces instead of allowing the world to separate them.
What would have happened if they had stayed and tried to fight against the world? I don’t know. I’m sure their love would remain strong enough to keep them together but I know that every day of their lives, wherever they would have go, whoever they would have met they’d always be faced with envy, insults and accusations. Why? Cause people are strange self-destructive hypocrites. Cause only few of us are able to be happy for others and not to spend their time in fruitless attempts to make as many lives miserable as possible just cause we don’t have courage to admit there’s no one but us ourselves to be blamed for our own misery. Cause only few of us are really able to give up on everything, admit, recognize and fight for the only thing that matters in the end, for the one and only thing we all crave for since the very first breath we take when we’re brought into this world and that is love.
It took me eighty-four years to realize, understand and accept the truth about myself. It took me so much time to admit to myself that I belong to majority of the cruel world, to face the truth that I’ve seen love once upon a time during one summer, that I felt love only once in my life and that that love had almost cost me my life if this can be called life at all. Survival, that’s how I call it.
I never thought about killing myself cause I kind of understood this life of mine as a way of paying for my sins. It’s not the physical pain I endure so much cause nothing can hurt you so much as your conscience. Remember that, always. It may let you alone for a while, even for years and years only to jump on you when you least expect it, only to start haunting you crumbling down the walls of your false self-defense. Brick by brick and you’ll see yourself losing your self-esteem, confidence and worst of all you’ll find yourself without the mask you were wearing for such long time. Your conscience will make sure it turns you into being made solely out of your inner fears. And then what? Can you fight it back? Is there some way to get back to the old ways? I don’t know. I know I feel much better now that I had made peace with my conscience, now when I had accepted it. And that’s all I think you can do when it wakes up one day - accept that it’s right.
So take this as a friendly advice from a very old man who had wasted his life, be careful what you say or do to others cause any harm or injustice you place upon someone will struck you one day just much harder.
And what else is left to say? I have told you the story. If you find it just a simple fairy tale I’m glad I have made your day fun. I don’t know if I had made you think about yourselves or your lives but if I had at least made only one single soul take this all as something more than simple blabbing of a dying man, as something more than pure fiction and a product of someone’s vivid imagination then I have redeemed my sins and I can finally die.
And now at the end what do I owe you? Is there anything I had left unsaid or unexplained? Hmm… I think I have said it all. So this is the end my beloved ones. This is where I leave you to go on with your lives. This is where I leave you as I take few last breaths in my life before my heart stops beating forever.
Goodbye and don’t feel sorry for me. Don’t sympathize cause I’m not worth it. Don’t cry and don’t lie that I was a good man, cause I know I wasn’t. Don’t light candles in my name. Speaking of which…
I’m Mike. It was pleasure to meet you all.
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