Fic: "Crash Against The Floor" Chapter 10/10(All chapters linked!)

[apostrophee]

For lafemmeluna  for letting me violate her duing random HIM concerts before I even knew who she was! Girl, let's go broke together! One year! Confirm it with me!

Title: "Crash Against The Floor" Chapter 10/10

Word Count: 3,301

Author:  caramel_maddy

Characters: Ville and Bam mainly along with almost anyone associated with them.

Story Summary: He knew something was wrong---off about the three men in the bar. He knew it, but instead of following his gut and leaving, he stayed to have just one more beer and with that final sip, Ville's life was changed forever.

*Warning: Very, very, very dark themes!

PREVIOUS CHAPTERS
 (Chapter One)     (Chapter Two)   (Chapter Three)      
  (Chapter Four)   (Chapter Five)





Crash Against The Floor

Chapter Ten

Gingerly he trailed the tips of his fingers down Ville’s slender, alabaster face. His skin was cold to touch and to Bam, Ville looked like an angel surrendered in the bleak calmness of a tormented slumber. He watched the way his eyebrows twitched as his shoulders shook underneath his touch. He was curled up against him with his head nearly laying on his shoulder blade, almost resting against it, but not quite. He stared down at him, touching his short, dark locks softly, but stopping himself from doing anything more because he didn‘t know what else he could do……what else he should do…...

There was this dry ache inside of his chest that pressed down into his core, splitting his emotions. It was almost as if with each strained breath he watched Ville take in, small parts of his soul would crack and break away, sliding down inside to a cold and empty place he‘d never known before existed. There was so much he wanted to say to him, so much he wanted to do for him, but he didn’t know how. He wasn’t a natural nurturer, he wasn’t the one that handled problems well and he’d never had to deal with them before. There was always somebody else to clean up messes for him--most would be ones that he had made, but now, with Ville‘s body curled up so tightly against him, almost clingy to him as if he was his last ray of hope for something good, Bam knew that this wouldn‘t be a problem he could pawn off on someone else. He didn‘t know what else he could do except lean into him more, hugging his body so close that it was almost like together they were becoming one person. He inhaled Ville’s strong scent of musk, cigarette smoke and cologne, letting the aroma pull him into a surreal like fantasy where nothing was wrong,…….where everything was right…….where everything was beautiful and everything was perfectly fine.

******************

His body felt so rested and relaxed. He hadn’t had a good nights sleep in what felt like ages and as he stretched his long arms high above his head, twisting his body and grunting with the new morning, he realized he wasn’t alone when his knee bumped up against the small of someone’s solid back. Slowly he cracked one eyelid open and was greeted with the sight of a thousand misplaced pure coffee colored curls and a slender and bare back. The memories of what he had admitted to Bam that night before flew into him and for a moment briefer than a baby’s breath, he thought about running out of the room, wanting to avoid any more talk of any unpleasantness. But….but…he was just so tired--so worn out and even though his body trembled with fear with each thought of his two second admission to Bam, his heart for the first time in what felt like forever finally felt alive again. It pounded and thumped inside of his chest with hope instead of dread and he breathed….he breathed out like he was exhaling all of the misery and self torment he had inflicted upon himself and he breathed….he breathed…..he breathed so he could feel the rush of a new breath, a flash of hope and a prayer to be able to move on…..and he breathed……he breathed, Ville breathed because for once, it was easy to.

Softly he got off of the bed tiptoeing quietly out of the room as to not wake Bam. He made his way down the stairs to the pirate bar / kitchen area--the stench of alcohol still so pungent and strong it made him feel uneasy as he tried in vain to push away his nausea.

“Good morning.” A scraggily voice spoke, startling Ville causing him to jump. He turned around to see Mige laying on the couch, his legs propped up over the arm and a remote control in hand.

“Oh Mige! Morning! What are you doing up so early?” He asked, walking over to the coffeemaker preparing to make a pot.

“Early? It’s nearly four o’clock in the afternoon! Care to tell me just what kept you and Bam up those stairs for twelve hours?” Mige spoke, laugher and jubilance radiating from his voice and off of his face as Ville’s eyes widened, looking at him in shock.

“Four? Really?”

“My God man, he must have really worked you over! Do tell!” Mige laughed as he strolled into the kitchen, opening the refrigerator and retrieving a bowl filled with a yellowish cream with what looked like cookies spread all over on the top.

“It wasn‘t like that and what the hell are you eating?”

“What, this? Banana pudding! April came by while you guys were so soundly sleeping!” Mige laughed and Ville rolled his eyes.

“Oh come off it, it was nothing like---”

“---Oh, here comes the man himself and he looks pissed! What, did you not do him back? I told you about that!” Mige hissed with a soft laugh as he gestured his head towards the entryway where Bam groggily--and shirtless, stood peering at Ville with eyes like angry blue fire that burned through him. Ville pushed Mige softly in the shoulder and taking the hint, he left the room to leave them alone to talk.

“What’s wrong?” He asked softly afraid of what Bam was angry about. His irrational fear that Bam was somehow about to blame him for what had happened began to linger in the back of his mind as he tried to pretend that everything was fine, pouring a splash of dark coffee into his white mug.

“I want to talk to you---you know, about what happened last night.” Bam replied, his voice low and shaking, but holding every once of anger as his face did. Ville swallowed deeply, turning around and leaning his lithe frame up against the counter top, trying to look like he was attempting to get comfortable when really he just needed something to brace himself on.

“Look, I know it was my fault because I was being a careless, stupid idiot….” Ville’s words were beginning to tangle together and he paused to breath while Bam continued to fume up at him.

“What? That shit wasn’t your fucking fault man! If--if--if those fucking assholes didn’t slip you something, none of that would have fucking happened! FUCK! It just fucking burns me up that some random fuck-ass would do that to you! Like--like, what the fuck is that! ARGH!” Bam grunted as he pounded his fist roughly against the brick tiling against the doorway so roughly that Ville could hear the crunch of Bam’s fist colliding against the stones followed by the loud scream of ‘Ouch, fuck!’ right before Bam stated to jump around, waving his hand wildly in the air. Ville put his mug down, rushing over to him and taking his palm into his hand.

“Alright, calm down and stop moving it!” Ville spoke softly, a gentle smile at how adorable Bam looked spreading across his face as he walked him over to the island making him sit down as he went into the freezer, gathering ice cubes.

“It fucking hurts!” Bam grunted, a red flush spreading across his neck and down to his collar bone. It didn’t come as a surprise to Ville because Bam--despite his outrageous antics, had never been one to deal with pain well.

“I need a clothe or something.” Ville replied as he opened and closed a few drawers in his search.

“OUCH! Check in that drawer! Ape bought some fancy napkins and put them in there--OUCH!” Bam continued to moan and Ville opened a drawer and pulled out a decorative napkin, placing the ice cubes in them. He walked over to Bam, bringing his bruising fist into his palm where he gently cradled it allowing the pad of his thumb to rub gingerly across Bam’s scared knuckles as he placed the cold compress over the bruising. Bam flinched, almost pulling away, but Ville held him firmly.

“Hold still!” He commanded.

“It’s so fucking cold!” Bam whined and Ville laughed loudly, unable to suppress it.

“That’s the point love! Now hold still!” He repeated and he waited for Bam to respond with a smart-alecky remark and when he didn’t receive one, he looked up through his messy hair that fell into his jade stunned eyes and saw Bam staring at him with a pensive look on his face.

“Why do you do that?” He asked him softly and Ville’s lips pursed together in an ‘O’.

“Do what?”

“Take care of everyone else before you take care of yourself?” Bam asked and Ville looked at him and continued to hold his hand as he cleared his throat nervously.

“I don’t know, if someone needs help, why not help them especially if they’re my mate?” He replied as his eyes studied the grooves and softness of Bam’s slender hand.

“But what about if you’re the one who needs it? Who helps you?”

“Bam, I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Ville stated firmly continuing to hold the ice pack on his hand.

“Man, you’re making this hard!” Bam grunted as he snatched his hand away roughly, standing up and grimacing at aggravating the pain in his fist.

“See, I told you, stop moving it and keep the ice pack on it!” Ville stated as he clicked his tongue impatiently, grabbing Bam’s hand and forcing the ice pack on it. Bam grunted as he pulled away again.

“Why won’t you talk to me! Last night you wanted to and now you don’t, why?” He asked angrily, nostrils flared and eyes squinted into two tiny slits of cobalt fired anger and blue steel curiosity.

“What do you want me to say to you? Huh? It’s pointless!” Ville argued back, crossing his arms against his chest, holding himself tightly.

“I don’t fucking know! I want you to tell me how you feel or something--argh, I’m not good with this sort of thing! Just--just---fuck, just fucking talk to me!”

“Fine, you want to talk, then let’s talk! Do you want to hear every fucking dirty detail about what I CAN’T fucking remember? Do you want to know what it was like, huh!” Ville yelled, his voice breaking and breathing short.

“Stop, that’s not what--”

“---No, why? Don’t you want to fucking know what it feels like to wake up with blood drying on the inside of your thighs? Don’t you want to fucking know? Don’t you? Or do you want to know how it burns to walk after you get fucked---”

“STOP! STOP IT!” Bam yelled, his frustrations taking over.

“No, you said you wanted to talk about it, then let’s talk about it! Let’s talk about how poor me fucked up and got…….” Ville trailed off, finding it hard to say it….finding it impossible to say the one word to describe what he had been through. That word would cut through him like fire to ice and he was afraid that if he said it out loud, he’d get burned.

“Raped Ville, you were fucking raped and it wasn’t fair and it shouldn’t have happened to you!” Bam grunted and a soft voice coming from behind him made them both freeze.

“Raped? My God, Ville are you alright?” Linde asked as he rushed into the room, his long, thick cords of sun washed dreadlocks running down his back. Ville froze, unable to process that his dirtiest secret, his most shameful truth had been exposed to someone else.

“I’m fine! See what you did Bam, now everybody fucking knows!” He yelled at him, but Bam refused to make eye contact.

“I just want to help you!” He grunted as he stared down at the red and maroon tiles on the floor.

“Help me, how can you help me when you can’t even help yourself? Do you even know how much I love--forget it! Fucking forget everything!” Ville yelled as he stormed up the stairs, his long legs taking them two at a time. He rushed into Bam’s room, not knowing why he went in there in search for solitude. He sat on the bed, emotions wracking his body. Fear over taking his anger at Linde knowing what happened, shame overriding his hatred of what those men had done to him and disgust superseding his regret at how he’d just treated Bam.

God, I’m just an idiot………

…….What the hell is wrong with me……

He just wants to help….he just wants to help…..

…….I need help…..

His thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock at the door in which he ignored. Slowly the door opened and Mige’s cuddly face appeared. His beard was scraggly and a few dark whiskers had lightened into plush shades of gray reflecting his nickname of ‘old man’.

“I don’t want to talk right now.” Ville stated firmly as he stood up, walking over to the window and digging into his pocket for a smoke--the hell with Bam’s rules of not smoking in his room.

“Well tough shit, you’re going to!” Mige stated definitely leaving no room for argument.

“God, not right now….” Ville sighed, but he stared at him resolutely as he walked in from the doorway, closing the bedroom door softly behind him.

“Talk!”

“The Minneapolis show when I was robbed.” Ville sighed, cracking the window open and staring out into the cold beautiful splendor of a Pennsylvania’s winter afternoon. The trees in the woods that served as Bam’s backyard were bare and gentle puffs of white danced across the top of them---snow soon would fall. Ville loved the snow….it made him think of home and fresh roasted chicken stew made by his mother on Tuesday afternoons.

“I knew something had happened! Do you know who did it?” Mige asked and Ville laughed bitterly, inhaling the menthol from his cigarette as he cradled his elbow in his palm almost effeminately.

“I have no clue and that’s what’s getting to me the most.” He groaned and Mige grew quiet deep in thought. He knew that he could only press Ville so far before he would blow up. As a child Ville’s temper was one not to be argued with, but over the years Mige had watched as his best friend’s temperament changed and evolved into a disposition of calmness. A larger part of him was afraid of the damage he might inflict by continuing to press the subject so he decided not to. But he knew Ville needed to talk to someone about what was going on inside of his head and he knew who that person was.

“Talk to him…..” He whispered and Ville looked at him and rolled his eyes in slight annoyance.

“I’m quite sure he doesn’t want to speak to me right now after how I‘ve just treated him.”

“Yes he does. He’s downstairs practically crying--well you know Bam, he doesn’t cry, but he’s yelling about how bad he fucked up!”

“He didn’t fuck up, I fucked up! God Mikko, I don’t know what’s wrong with me! It’s as if I’m not the same person I used to be anymore. Have you ever felt like everything you’ve ever thought about yourself was a lie, a cold fucking lie and the truth of the matter is you don’t even know yourself and you‘re not even sure if you ever really did?”

“Bullshit! Come off it! You are you! You just had something awful happen, but it doesn’t change the person that you are--the person that you’ve always been!”

“YES! YES IT DOES! I’m not me anymore, I’m just not and I wish that I was, but I’m not!” Ville yelled, inhaling his cigarette deeper into his lungs causing him to choke.

“No! You are the same, you just don’t feel like it and rightfully so! You’ve been victimized and you feel like a victim, but you shouldn’t let that make you into who you are! You aren’t what you feel, you aren’t what you feel!” Mige yelled, staring at him intently and Ville closed his eyes sighing, stubbing out his cigarette on the windowsill.

“Could you get him for me?” He asked softly and Mige nodded as he left to get Bam.

Bam opened the door, his face a mask of calmness but Ville could read the fear right through him. It always amazed him how easy it was for him to see through Bam’s falsehood of bravado.

“I didn’t mean for Linde to find out bro.” He whispered softly as he entered the room, closing the door behind him and locking it. Ville closed his eyes as his chest was flooded with the warmth of Bam being near.

“I’m sorry, but this is really hard for me and I’m just not dealing with things and I don‘t mean to take it out on you--you don‘t deserve that! It’s just like my heads all fucked up!” He replied as he sat on the bed softly. Bam paused in the entryway and Ville patted the spot next to him for Bam to sit. Carefully he sat on the edge of the bed, almost falling off as he tried to keep the distance he assumed Ville needed.

“I get it, but last night you were talking about it and I don’t know much about emotions and shit, but what I do know is last night it was like you needed me or something and I felt good knowing that you needed me for something because I know I need---I need you and I don’t want to make some big ass dramatic declaration and go all fucking girly and shit, but I do need you and when I see you hurting that makes me hurt---fuck, I sound like such a pussy! I just want…..I want to make---” Bam’s words were cut off by the soft feeling of two full, strawberry colored lips gently crushing against his.

For a moment he was thrown back and it took him a second to respond. He felt Ville’s lips opening, urging his apart as he tentatively slipped his tongue into his mouth. Electric currents coursed throughout Bam’s body as he placed one hand on Ville’s thigh, almost afraid to move it anywhere else despite his desire to. He could feel his heartbeats pounding in his chest like reverberating thunder. His breaths shortened as he felt his dick start to twitch at the excitement of kissing Ville for the second time---the first time not withstanding because of alcohol impairment. Ville was the one that broke the kiss, pulling away and smiling at him as he placed his hand on his cheek.

“I do need you….I need you more than I care to let you know!” He teased with a slow smile and Bam laughed, pushing him in the shoulder so roughly that he fell, crashing against the floor. Instead of waiting for Ville to pull him down, Bam laid down next to him, the cool fibers of his soft rug rubbing against his bare back. He turned on his side, staring at Ville who continued to look up at the ceiling.

“Good, because I‘m here…..” Bam whispered and Ville propped himself up on his elbows and stared into Bam’s eyes, allowing himself to be captivated by their cerulean splendor.

“You do for me what I can’t do for myself.” He whispered back and Bam didn’t understand what he meant, but then as his confusion was about to takeover Ville leaned over and kissed him again and in that moment as he slowly massaged his tongue across Ville‘s as he let his trembling fingers softly trail across his sides, Bam understood Ville‘s words, he finally got it and Ville….Ville could finally begin to try and heal.

~The End~

A/N : I sincerely want to thank each and everyone of you who have read and reviewed this, it means the world to me! I think this is my most reviewed story ever and I’ve written A LOT of slash stories, but this was my first serial Bam/Ville and sometimes it was emotionally draining to write, but I felt this story needed to be told and  thank God this was all just in my head! In a few months I may pick this up with a sequel of sorts if you guys want it, but that won‘t be for a while, I have about 40 Bam/Ryan kinky stories to write for 50kinkyways  before I come back to this, but I just want to thank you all once again for reading and I hope you enjoyed reading as much I did writing it!Feedback is love!