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while i've been happy lately, with the exception of a day and one night, something has seemed weird. mark's 6th month anniversary came and left and i felt a bit down, but there was something keeping me from actually feeling sad -- the healthy kind. i don't know what it was that stopped me, but tonight i had a wonderful sob (not cry, because there ( Read more... )

i'm not ready to leave flagstaff. i love it too much. so much life has happened here. coachella was beautiful. sasquatch is soon. outside lands then. marks 6 month anniversary has passed. i'm trying not to feel crazy because i'm not crying. i'm almost done with school. i'll student teach in fall. there is a lot going on. 

17 days in and i already love 2011. it's called growth.


( Read more... )

Do not carve on stone or wood,
"He was honest" or "He was good."
Write in smoke on a passing breeze
Seven words… and the words are these,
Telling all that a volume could,
"He lived, he laughed and… he understood."

 
( Read more... )

missed the last train home. birds pass by to tell me that I'm not alone. well i'm pushing myself to finish this part. i can handle a lot.

i miss you more than words, mark. i'm loosing hope this is a nightmare.

fuck that momentary lapse in judgement. that shit ain't worth my time.

something in me has changed. i want to date someone - actually date them. it's confusing and poorly timed.

today was awful. and then, today was good. the details of today are minutiae, but it's satisfying to cheer someone up.

i am still trying to be ok with mark being gone -- not even close. i think about him many times a day. if i see someone that is wearing a phillies hat i want to tear it from them and tell them they don't deserve it. if i see someone ( Read more... )

the worst message i've ever received to date:

"Dear Friends,

It is with my deepest regret to inform you that this last Sunday Mark
Benzel passed away. As many of you know, Mark graduated from Northern
Arizona University this last Spring in Management and was living in
Jackson Hole, Wyoming at the time of his passing. For all of us that
knew Mark, we ( Read more... )