Illusions (15/?)
Title : Illusions (15/?)
Rating : NC 17
Pairing : Ruki x Kai
Theme : IV - 15 - Desire
Summary : “He will only hurt you”
A/N :. Things should get better soon.. I hope... I havent had the time to write anything after chptr 18 since I am having very shitty work hours.. BUT.. next week I should get back to normal hours of coming back by midnight.. I hope...C&C welcomed. This is from Kai's POV! ^^
Past chapters
Chptr 1, 2 , 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14
I stiffened when a pair of arms hugged me from behind. I guess although I willed myself to relax, Miyavi had felt it as well as he released me, sitting next to me, a frown on his face. I wished I could accept this, accept him and forget him. But I guess that is impossible. Maybe this is where my B character comes into play, where it is hard for us to forget recent affairs although for me, it is also hard for me to forget past memories like now.
“Kai”
“Sorry”
I could see him pursing his lips, his fingers tapping on his knee as we both stared at the checkered table cloth in front of us. The waitress came and went after taking our orders, both of us still not exchanging words.
“He doesn’t deserve you”
“I know”
“He will only hurt you”
“I know”
“I can offer you so much more”
“I know”
“Will you not give me a chance?”
I looked at the face staring back at me earnestly, knowing that if I am with him, I would be loved and cherished. But then, can I love him? I do not want to lead him on. Not like this. It is not fair to him. Not after all that he had done for me, being there for me, picking me up when I am down. It is not fair to lead him on more than I already had.
“Why?”
He had already accepted the unspoken words, his fingers now playing with the napkin in front of us.
“You are everything anyone could want. But then, just not for me”
“You still want him after everything?”
“I can't help it. I can't give up on him. Not just yet”
The food turned cold in front of us, both of us not having the appetite to eat.
“I will still try”
“And the answer will still be the same”
A wide grin appeared on his face as he hugged me with one arm.
“I am very persistent. You’ll never know the future”
I know that I couldn’t argue with that and merely smiled, glad that at least our friendship is still intact, if barely. After the eventful dinner and we parted ways, I find myself in the convenience store buying some medicine and ingredients for hot soup. I should probably just drop a brick on my own head and save me the trouble of someone the trouble of telling me how stupid I am behaving right now.
I knocked on the door, not hearing any sounds from inside the room. Knowing Ruki and how humans are creatures of habit, I poked around the half dried up plant next to his door, finding the spare key to his apartment. I wonder how many days have he neglected the plant. Giving the yellow leaves a woeful look, I entered the dark apartment, eyes adjusting to the darkness. A quick glance around confirmed that he was not in the living room. I guess Reita had dumped Ruki in his bedroom. I placed the grocery bags on the table, making my way towards his bedroom, the way not unfamiliar to me. I heard whispers from inside the bedroom, two people’s voice instead of one. Is Reita still around?
Pushing the door open, I definitely did not expect to see what I saw. Ruki only clad in a pair of low rise pants, top naked, skin flushed and sweaty. He half lifted his eyes towards me, the very image of someone who had just gone through a night of passion and desire.
“Kai?”
Ruki blinked at me a few more times, pushing himself wearily up, questioning my being there. Reita came into the room from the adjoining bathroom, rubbing a towel through his wet hair, similarly clad like Ruki. I took a step back, taking in the whole situation. Reita looked at me and then back at Ruki and then back to me. He seemed to have caught where my mind had wandered off to as he turned red too.
“Wait, it is not what you think it is”
I nodded, leaving the room to return to the kitchen, vaguely hearing Reita cursing before the door closed. I do not need explanations from them. Reita joined me in the kitchen, looking at me warily.
“Kai?”
“Hmm?”
“What are you doing?”
“Cooking”
I continued chopping the chicken and the herbs which is to be stewed together, not paying Reita any attention until he placed a finger on my busy right hand. I turned to look at him, unable to read him.
“We didn’t…”
“I know”
“You know?”
“You were bathing him since he was too sick. Am I right?”
He nodded. I just shrugged and continued chopping. He sat down behind me, watching me again. I could feel the weight of his eyes on me.
“Reita”
“Hm?”
“I still love him”
When nothing met my words, I turned around to see Reita still staring at me. He offered me a rare smile.
“That’s good. He loves you too”
I flinched at that. I took a deep breath, making a resolution there and then too.
“But don’t tell Ruki that”
I could see confusion in his eyes as he took in my words.
“Why?”
“Because I cannot see that he loves me”
“But…”
“Maybe it is not him. It is me who couldn’t give him what he needs”
I turned away from Reita, not wanting him to see the instable emotions on my face after vocalizing of the fear that had plagued me from the day I found out he had been cheating on me.
Rating : NC 17
Pairing : Ruki x Kai
Theme : IV - 15 - Desire
Summary : “He will only hurt you”
A/N :. Things should get better soon.. I hope... I havent had the time to write anything after chptr 18 since I am having very shitty work hours.. BUT.. next week I should get back to normal hours of coming back by midnight.. I hope...C&C welcomed. This is from Kai's POV! ^^
Past chapters
Chptr 1, 2 , 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14
I stiffened when a pair of arms hugged me from behind. I guess although I willed myself to relax, Miyavi had felt it as well as he released me, sitting next to me, a frown on his face. I wished I could accept this, accept him and forget him. But I guess that is impossible. Maybe this is where my B character comes into play, where it is hard for us to forget recent affairs although for me, it is also hard for me to forget past memories like now.
“Kai”
“Sorry”
I could see him pursing his lips, his fingers tapping on his knee as we both stared at the checkered table cloth in front of us. The waitress came and went after taking our orders, both of us still not exchanging words.
“He doesn’t deserve you”
“I know”
“He will only hurt you”
“I know”
“I can offer you so much more”
“I know”
“Will you not give me a chance?”
I looked at the face staring back at me earnestly, knowing that if I am with him, I would be loved and cherished. But then, can I love him? I do not want to lead him on. Not like this. It is not fair to him. Not after all that he had done for me, being there for me, picking me up when I am down. It is not fair to lead him on more than I already had.
“Why?”
He had already accepted the unspoken words, his fingers now playing with the napkin in front of us.
“You are everything anyone could want. But then, just not for me”
“You still want him after everything?”
“I can't help it. I can't give up on him. Not just yet”
The food turned cold in front of us, both of us not having the appetite to eat.
“I will still try”
“And the answer will still be the same”
A wide grin appeared on his face as he hugged me with one arm.
“I am very persistent. You’ll never know the future”
I know that I couldn’t argue with that and merely smiled, glad that at least our friendship is still intact, if barely. After the eventful dinner and we parted ways, I find myself in the convenience store buying some medicine and ingredients for hot soup. I should probably just drop a brick on my own head and save me the trouble of someone the trouble of telling me how stupid I am behaving right now.
I knocked on the door, not hearing any sounds from inside the room. Knowing Ruki and how humans are creatures of habit, I poked around the half dried up plant next to his door, finding the spare key to his apartment. I wonder how many days have he neglected the plant. Giving the yellow leaves a woeful look, I entered the dark apartment, eyes adjusting to the darkness. A quick glance around confirmed that he was not in the living room. I guess Reita had dumped Ruki in his bedroom. I placed the grocery bags on the table, making my way towards his bedroom, the way not unfamiliar to me. I heard whispers from inside the bedroom, two people’s voice instead of one. Is Reita still around?
Pushing the door open, I definitely did not expect to see what I saw. Ruki only clad in a pair of low rise pants, top naked, skin flushed and sweaty. He half lifted his eyes towards me, the very image of someone who had just gone through a night of passion and desire.
“Kai?”
Ruki blinked at me a few more times, pushing himself wearily up, questioning my being there. Reita came into the room from the adjoining bathroom, rubbing a towel through his wet hair, similarly clad like Ruki. I took a step back, taking in the whole situation. Reita looked at me and then back at Ruki and then back to me. He seemed to have caught where my mind had wandered off to as he turned red too.
“Wait, it is not what you think it is”
I nodded, leaving the room to return to the kitchen, vaguely hearing Reita cursing before the door closed. I do not need explanations from them. Reita joined me in the kitchen, looking at me warily.
“Kai?”
“Hmm?”
“What are you doing?”
“Cooking”
I continued chopping the chicken and the herbs which is to be stewed together, not paying Reita any attention until he placed a finger on my busy right hand. I turned to look at him, unable to read him.
“We didn’t…”
“I know”
“You know?”
“You were bathing him since he was too sick. Am I right?”
He nodded. I just shrugged and continued chopping. He sat down behind me, watching me again. I could feel the weight of his eyes on me.
“Reita”
“Hm?”
“I still love him”
When nothing met my words, I turned around to see Reita still staring at me. He offered me a rare smile.
“That’s good. He loves you too”
I flinched at that. I took a deep breath, making a resolution there and then too.
“But don’t tell Ruki that”
I could see confusion in his eyes as he took in my words.
“Why?”
“Because I cannot see that he loves me”
“But…”
“Maybe it is not him. It is me who couldn’t give him what he needs”
I turned away from Reita, not wanting him to see the instable emotions on my face after vocalizing of the fear that had plagued me from the day I found out he had been cheating on me.