(Untitled)

[inyurface]

Title: Fiery Rose 
Chapter: "Why'd You?"
Author: Neominitails
Theme(s): #30 melancholy; depressed; cheer up, #15 memory; passage of time; seasons
Summary: Kurama keeps dreaming of the same girl and doesn't understand why. Rei moves in with Kagome. Rei ends up going to the same school as the YYh Boys.
Pairing/Characters: Rei Hino (Sailor mOon/ Kurama

Comments

[commaqueen]

I don't have time right now to do a really in-depth analysis, but here's some suggestions that came to me right off the bat

[inyurface]

Umm... well, the story is based off the manga and teh anime (Rei's persoanlity is very different on both and so is most of her storylin... even slightly PGSM... (not much)). And the reason for much of her emotionalness of this her (in this chhapter) is because she had been going through this for soo long! :(

Yeah, I'm trying to work on my wording and grammar for the story.

Oh and on YYH... during the time the shows had happened... they were 14 years old.... But, I'm trying to make them older for teh story...

Oh and I knw of teh demon's way of addressing of Koharku... there is a reaosn.

I ahve been trying to work on getting rid of passive voice in my work...

Oh, and besides that, thank you for your critiques. I'll get myself a beta, thanks again.

Thanks

-Neo-kun

[commaqueen]

I've read some of the manga, J, and I still think that Rei is out of character. It's not that I don't think that Rei wouldn't cry over some of this. But she wouldn't cry in public, and I really doubt that she'd show him she was hurting. Now, she might cry to her friends, and I'm sure she'd cry in private, but not somewhere in public, in front of him and Botan.

And the impression that I got of both Botan and from Kurama from YYH is that they were both older. I don't think appearance necessarily has anything to do with age in that series. I could be wrong, and I probably should have checked with a friend of mine who's really knowledgeable about the series first. I'll bug her as soon as I see her online next time.

[inyurface]

Actually, he is 15 to be exact.