[ YST : Ryo/Touma/Seiji : #28 + 29 : Waking Dream ]

[trahn]

Fandom: Yoroiden Samurai Troopers
Title: Waking Dream
Author: Trahn
Prompt(s): Snow's Theme, no.s 28 (double teamed) and 29 (sober).
Pairing/Characters: Sanada Ryo / Hashiba Touma / Date Seiji
Rating: NC-17!!! DO NOT READ IF YOU'RE UNDER 18!! (smut, sex, and did I mention there are hot guys banging each other? THERE ARE!)
Disclaimer: I wish.

Comments

[kiyoshi_chan]

I know nothing about the fandom or the pairing, but that was some DAMN HOT SEX. *drools*

[aya1412]

Nice! I like Ryo paired up with Seiji or Touma, but hadn't thought about this threesome before. Now that you've written it, though, I think it's a great idea. I'd really love to see a long, continuous story with this pairing from you. Would you like a little constructive criticism, since you said it was an experiment?

[trahn]

Thanks :D I might have to write that story now~! (I do love the pairing/OT3 a lot, so it's not hard to write for!)

I'd love some constructive criticism! I'm always looking to improve, and, well, like I said, this is the first time I've ever, ever written smut. ^^;

[aya1412]

A little thing I noticed was that the "hungry beast" and "tiger" imagery didn't seem to fit, or seemed a little corny, but your sex scene is good -especially since it's the first time you've done this before. I couldn't write a PWP to save my life without it being so ridiculously bad readers would laugh out loud. Just be detailed about what goes on and very conscious of your diction. PWP is by definition plotless, but it's still better if the characters have at least some emotional investment in the situation and each other. That way, there's more something significant to be addressed that the readers can take interest in. You did well with Touma's reactions and fears, but you could pay a little bit more attention to it. Something else I noticed was that your sentences tend to all be the same length, and you often start them out with "he." There are also a really large number of commas, and several were misplaced

[trahn]

Oh, wow, thank you! :D I really appreciate all the input! I'm going to have to work on some of that stuff. Thanks so much (especially for the compliments! :P). I'm definitely going to write more for these guys, too. I love working with them.