round 12 - team au - not shy of a spark - 2/3
part 1
/
pink
Pink is a stereotypical girl colour and Zayn hates that, because he loves the colour pink. It’s bright, happy, full of fun. It’s the colour of his favourite slush puppee in the cinema, the colour of the circles around Louis’ eyes when he is too tired, the colour of Niall’s fingers after he plays guitar. The colour of Liam’s lips.
And that’s what he is painting. Maybe he is a masochist, but Zayn is fiercely dragging the paintbrush across the canvas as he focuses on the large lips he is painting. He purposely ignores anyone who tries to talk to him, especially Dave.
Louis is not in work today, so at lunch Zayn revels in the idea of eating lunch alone. Niall silently hands him his food and Zayn feels bad because Niall seems to be delighted with himself, bursting to tell Zayn whatever it is that has him rocking on the balls of his feet. Instead he leaves Zayn in his brooding silence and figures that Zayn is just really hungover.
Then Harry sits down on Louis’s seat.
Zayn ignores him and stares at his soup instead, he thinks about finally changing his order at Gina’s because the soup is getting a little boring. He notices the different bracelets that decorate Harry’s pale wrists. The one that stands out most is a vibrant pink one reading something about love being equal. Zayn likes it.
“Hungover?” Harry, of course, breaks the silence.
Zayn debates over what to say in his head, should he apologise for what he said last night or pretend to forget? He decides the latter is more convenient and nods his head solemnly. So Harry just laughs in empathy and asks Niall for a cup of coffee, smiling at the way Niall jitters around the café.
“Me and Josh are official” Niall can’t help but blurt out when he puts Harry’s mug down on the table. Zayn glances up at him and the smile on Niall’s face is so wide and genuine that he can’t help but beam himself.
“Well done, mate! I’m happy for you” Zayn pats Niall’s shoulder and leaves it there, needing to feel some of Niall’s warmth and energy.
“Congrats” Harry smiles, tipping his mug in Niall’s direction before taking a long sip.
“We’re going on our first date tonight. He says it’s a surprise” Niall is practically buzzing and he reminds Zayn of a child on Christmas morning. It makes him forget any selfish problems he has and feel a sudden burst of happiness for his friend.
“There he is now” Niall sucks in a breath and waves over at Josh who is poking his head out of the sports shop. Josh waves back with a large smile on his face and Zayn starts to laugh because he just feels so happy for them.
That feeling lasts approximately ten seconds, because Liam comes walking out from behind Josh and in their direction. Zayn takes in a large gulp of air and all he can see in his head is Liam kissing another boy. He starts to fidget with anything he can find on the table and Harry watches him with a frown, only looking up when Liam sits down at their table.
“Nice hickey” Zayn hears Harry smirk and if Zayn’s heart wasn’t already thumping then he refuses to look to see what Harry could possibly be talking about.
“You too” Liam retorts and quickly orders a breakfast roll from the menu.
Eventually Zayn raises his eyes from his bowl of soup and of course they zone in on Liam’s neck where a large purple spot basically jumps off his skin. It makes Zayn want to stand up and make his own mark - a better mark - on Liam’s skin.
“Where did you get to last night?” Liam asks Zayn quietly and fidgets with the collar of his shirt, feeling uneasy under Zayn’s gaze.
“I took Louis home early” Zayn quickly replies, feeling a bit sick and wishing he were anywhere but here.
“Speaking of Louis, Zayn you said something last night and, well, it confused me” Harry says and if he could talk any slower Zayn is pretty sure he would fall into a coma.
“I did?” Zayn squeaks and he starts to feel nauseous with two pairs of confused eyes trained on him and the images of Liam kissing someone else rolling around in his head.
“Well, you were quite angry,” Harry seems nervous and if Zayn liked him he would feel guilty about the way he’s making Harry behave “you told me to stop fucking about with him?”
Harry’s eyes are what Zayn hates the most. He can’t help but stare at them, become consumed by them. They are clouded with confusion and Zayn does feel guilty. So he laughs like it is nothing.
“I say that to everyone when I am drunk” he lies, waving a hand in the air and taking a long drink of his water.
“Right, ok that’s fine then” Harry says, still sounding confused but his eyes clear up and his smile returns. The one with the dimple that Zayn detests. “I better get back to work, see you guys later”.
Liam and Zayn are left in an uncomfortable silence and Zayn wants to stick his fork in his eye, or Liam’s, he doesn’t really care which.
“H-how’s the painting coming along?” Liam stutters, watching Zayn carefully as if he can tell exactly what Zayn is feeling and it is like he is treading on eggshells.
“Fine”
“Can I see it?”
“No”
Zayn doesn’t mean to sound harsh but it comes out that way and Liam flinches.
“I mean, not until it’s done” Zayn hurries to get out because no matter what Liam does, he never wants to be the one that upsets him. Liam smiles at that and mutters something about being excited and blushing a colour Zayn has now associated with Liam’s embarrassment.
“Were you ok last night?” Liam looks like he can’t help but ask, as if he had been worrying about it all morning. Zayn nods feebly, finding it increasingly difficult to lie anymore, especially to Liam. Liam opens his mouth to ask another question but that’s when Dave opens the door and basically whistles at Zayn for his attention. Zayn looks over with an unimpressed expression on his face and rolls his eyes when Dave starts gesturing for him to come back to work.
“Hey um, do you want to go to the cinema tonight?” Liam quickly asks as Zayn stands up and turns the same colour as Harry’s pink bracelet.
“Just you and I or is anyone else coming?” Zayn asks, unsure but excited.
“Well, you can ask Louis if-“
“No! That’s perfect”
Liam beams and Zayn’s stomach feels like it is trying to do several backflips.
“I’ll come by yours at around seven?” Liam is biting his lip now, holding back the smile Zayn wants nothing more than to see. He just nods his head, afraid of what might come out of his mouth if he speaks and rushes back to work, shooting Dave a wide grin on his way in the door.
“Get painting, Malik” Dave grunts and Zayn’s fingers tremble as he glides his paintbrush over the dip of Liam’s top lip.
/
Louis of course, is more than excited when Zayn comes home covered in pink paint and smiling his first real smile in weeks.
“You’re going on a date”
Zayn levels him with a half assed glare as he anxiously rifles through his wardrobe, cursing his lack of money and fashion sense.
“It’s not a date”
“Zayn, you and Liam are going to a dark secluded cinema on your own together, that just screams romance”
Another glare but Louis is too busy spilling out all the romantic things Zayn should say and do on their ‘date’.
Zayn is just finished his shower when he hears the doorbell ring and he panics. He can’t leave Louis alone with Liam; God knows what he will say to him. He rushes out of his room with only a towel around his waist and beats Louis to the door.
“You’re going to answer the door like that??”
“It’s better than having you answer it looking like the world’s biggest pervert”
“I’m the pervert?! You’re scantily clad!”
“I have a towel-“
“Um, guys, I can hear you” Liam’s voice comes from the other side of the door and Louis sniggers while Zayn pushes him away from the door handle and opens it. Zayn immediately regrets opening the door in only a towel because the way Liam looks at him makes his skin go hot all over.
“Um… hi” Liam coughs out, dragging his eyes off Zayn’s wet chest and smiles sheepishly, ears turning red when he hears Louis’ obnoxious laugh.
“I’ll just be a minute” Zayn mutters, jogging back to his room and feels two pairs of eyes follow him all the way. He shuts out both their voices as he dresses, not wanting to know what Louis could possibly be saying to Liam and glances in the mirror. Liam had come wearing a simple baseball shirt, jeans and a scarf - which Zayn refused to think about was hiding- nothing fancy and yet Zayn had practically watered at the mouth looking at him.
Zayn looks at his own raggedy band t-shirt and black skinny jeans and wonders if it’s acceptable enough. He doesn’t have time to change his mind when Louis sneaks into his room and stands up on his toes to hook his chin over Zayn’s shoulder. He gives him a onceover in the mirror and hums approvingly. Their eyes connect in the mirror and Zayn pretends not to see the sadness in Louis’.
“Have fun” Louis whispers and squeezes Zayn’s hips and Zayn wishes he would say something Louis-ish and not have this tension in the air.
“I will” he replies and Louis turns him around so they can hug.
A hug between them is a common occurrence, even if they are simply walking down the street they are usually wrapped up in each other somehow. But this is different, Louis holds him tighter than usual and Zayn clings to Louis’ shoulders like they are the only thing keeping him on his feet.
Louis pulls back and rises even higher on his toes so they are eye to eye. Keeping his eyes open, he kisses Zayn softly on the lips. Zayn can’t help but close his own and kiss him back. Like their hug, this kiss is different. This kiss feels like their last.
“I love you” Louis whispers against Zayn’s lips and sinks back down onto his feet. “Now go get some” he laughs, pinching Zayn’s hips and straightens up before re-joining Liam in the sitting room.
“Ready?” Zayn asks, eying his cigarettes on the table but choosing to leave them there for the night. He can smoke them all when he gets home.
“Yeah! Louis what are your plans for tonight?” Liam smiles at Zayn before looking over at Louis who is rummaging in the fridge.
“I have a date with the X Factor” he winks over his shoulder at Liam and continues wiggling his arse in the air as he rummages.
Liam looks at Zayn expectantly and Zayn shoots Louis one last look before exiting the apartment with Liam in tow.
/
Liam buys the tickets to some movie Zayn has never heard of and Zayn makes up for it by buying the popcorn and drinks.
It’s awkward at first and Zayn really wishes he hadn’t left his cigarettes at home, even just to play with his lighter in his pocket to calm his nerves.
“Knowing our luck Niall and Josh will show up and basically have sex in the back row” Liam laughs, diving his hand into the large popcorn and glancing at the door just in case his premonition comes true.
“Or Dave will show up with Gina doing the same thing”
Liam cackles at Zayn’s comment and Zayn flushes with pride, watching the way Liam’s whole face lights up. The movie starts and Zayn and Liam are still giggling, earning them a glare or two from the people beside them.
For an hour and a half Zayn concentrates on Liam while Liam seemingly concentrates on the film. Zayn settles in next to him and their forearms and thigh’s rest against each other and the warmth is nice. He watches Liam react to the film out of the side of his eye and has to resist from reaching out and touching the wrinkles at the side of his eyes or his lips when they pull up into a large smile or slight frown. Basically, Zayn thinks he deserves a medal for his willpower right now and can’t wait to tell Louis when he gets home.
Louis. He refuses to think about him, but can’t help feel a pang of guilt in his stomach when he pictures him curled up on the couch watching X-Factor, passing his bitchy remarks to the empty room. He pushes his friend to the back of his mind and tries to concentrate on the film, but it’s no use. Liam is much more interesting.
“So, did you like that?” Liam asks, brushing popcorn off his lap before standing up once the credits start to roll.
“Yeah, it was good”
Liam raises an eyebrow and then frowns suspiciously. “What happened in the end?”
“Umm… they um, they all died?”
Liam throws his head back and laughs. Zayn feels that weird prideful feeling again and reaches out to punch Liam’s arm.
“I’m sorry if I took you to a boring film!” Liam recovers from his laughter and looks guilty and Zayn nearly falls over with the affection that rushes through him.
“I wasn’t bored I was just…” Zayn worries on his bottom lip, avoiding Liam’s eyes at all costs. He wants to say he was nervous or excited, or even ‘I was too busy staring at your gorgeous face’ but he can’t. “… I forgot my cigarettes and I was just distracted that’s all” he rambles instead and doesn’t notice Liam’s disappointed expression.
When they leave the cinema there is an awkward moment of what-happens-now until Liam offers to walk Zayn home. They walk in comfortable silence and make small talk, mostly about work or Niall’s sudden ‘love for the cock’ as Zayn bluntly puts it.
“So what’s the deal with Harry and Louis?” Liam asks as they stand at the door to Zayn’s apartment block.
“God knows” Zayn rolls his eyes, catching a weird expression cross Liam’s face.
“Are you jealous or something?” Liam asks and his voice is small and nervous, like he doesn’t want to know the answer.
“No!” Zayn hurries to answer, but it sounds like he is lying and Liam’s face says as much.
“I’m not I swear! I just don’t want Louis to get hurt, is all” he explains and frowns, wishing he could just run upstairs for one cigarette.
“Harry is a nice guy, maybe Louis won’t get hurt?” Liam offers. Of course he would say that. Zayn wishes Liam weren’t so nice all the time.
They stand in silence again and Zayn sucks his breath in and releases it, pretends the air coming out of his mouth is smoke.
“You’ve got some pink paint on you” Liam mutters and reaches over, brushing the pad of his thumb over Zayn’s chin, frowning as he tries to remove the speck of paint. Zayn’s whole body heats up and they are mere inches away from each other, he could count each eyelash if he wanted to, he could even lean forward and just capture Liam’s lips in his own.
“Got it” Liam whispers and looks up at Zayn, his brown eyes blinking rapidly as they stare at each other for what feels like an eternity.
“I better be off, work early in the morning!” Liam says and quickly steps away from Zayn who almost screams and grabs Liam’s face to smash their lips together.
“Yeah, yeah ok, see you later!” he says instead and he counts Liam’s third strange expression of the night and wishes he would stop being so damn mysterious and just tell Zayn what he wants. Liam gives a half-wave before briskly walking away and out of Zayn’s sight.
He rushes upstairs, grabs his box of cigarettes and curls up next to the sleeping Louis on the couch and smokes the remaining four left in the box.
/
For two whole weeks, Liam and Zayn dance around each other, hanging out alone more frequently and becoming more close than Zayn could have hoped for. But there’s still that something between them that they are both avoiding and it drives Zayn mad.
Harry and Louis become a complete disaster; Harry oblivious to Louis’ pining and Louis oblivious to the way Harry’s dimples seem to only appear around Louis, and that drives Zayn even madder.
He wants to say Niall and Josh drive him mad but he would be lying. The two of them should be made fun of for being one of those typically disgusting couples but because it’s Niall and Josh, everyone coos over them like a new-born baby.
It’s a Tuesday when, for the fifth time that month, Louis dresses up again and convinces Zayn that this is the day he finally asks Harry out. Zayn nods and hums as usual, knowing that Louis will only freeze up, make an inappropriate joke and go home that night in a foul mood.
At Gina’s, Louis is strangely more quiet than usual and Zayn asks him after ten minutes if he is alright. Louis just shrugs and turns an unusual shade of red that Zayn rarely sees on him.
“What did you do?” Zayn sighs and waves over at Niall for another two cups of coffee.
“Nothing” Louis says defensively, avoiding eye contact and ignores Niall when he places the mug in front of him.
Zayn stirs his drink thoughtfully and kicks Louis under the table.
“I asked him out” Louis says down into the cup before taking a long drink that Zayn is sure burns his throat. As does Zayn’s when he chokes on his gulp and ends up having his back walloped by a concerned Niall.
“What did he say?!” Zayn manages to ask between splutters whilst pushing Niall away.
“He said not tonight, but maybe this weekend?” Zayn frowns because Louis does not sound or look happy.
“So what’s the matter, then? Is this not a good thing?” Once again all Zayn receives in reply is a shrug.
“He didn’t look happy when I asked him. He got all weird when he asked if we could do it this weekend instead” Louis finally explains and Zayn internally growls. Leave it to Louis to look at the negative.
“He probably feels guilty that he had to rearrange the date, you need to stop freaking yourself out” he tells Louis who looks like he knows Zayn is right but is refusing to agree just to be stubborn. Eventually Louis nods, perhaps for Zayn’s sake but he noticeably brightens up and decides that tonight is another ‘lad’s night out’.
“We need to start hanging out with more girls” Niall contemplates and the three of them glance at each other before sniggering into their hands, earning a glare from Gina and a frustrated Dave, who has been waiting for Zayn to finish lunch for about ten minutes.
Zayn downs the rest of his coffee before reluctantly returning back to work. The week has been so busy that he has had little time to work on his painting and Dave is at his wits end. He threatens to fire Zayn at least twice a day.
He works on one of Liam’s frustratingly bushy eyebrows before the buzzing in his phone and tapping on the window start to irritate him.
“We’ve been waiting for like, an hour” Louis complains as soon as Zayn exits the shop, ignoring the four boys standing waiting for him as he locks up.
“Let’s go then” he sighs, slinging an arm over Josh and walking with them to the usual spot.
black
Black is a colour Zayn struggles with. It complicates everything. Too much black and everything is ruined. That’s what Zayn thinks as he struggles through his fifth shot. It’s black and so is the club and so is the dance floor and everything is just black.
He walks back to the booth, trying to make Liam out in the blackness and failing.
“Zayn, are you ok?” he hears someone ask but he pushes them away and falls onto the nearest seat. He feels someone persistently slapping his cheek and he opens his eyes, ready to tell whoever it is to fuck the hell off.
Harry is sitting across from him, leaning over the table and watching him with concern that Zayn can only associate with those green eyes. Zayn sits up when he spots a pretty girl on Harry’s other side, watching them with a look of annoyance.
“Are you ok?” Harry asks again and Zayn frowns at the girl and ignores Harry.
“Are you with Louis?” Harry asks, glancing around the black club and the expression confirms what Zayn is thinking. Zayn needs to find Louis before he finds this and he stands up, maybe too fast because he ends up rolling off the seat and onto the ground.
He struggles to get to his feet, knocking over a few things and causing havoc before he feels familiar hands tug him up. A mixture of Liam and Louis. It makes him smile.
“Thanks, guys” he giggles and turns to look at them. Liam is looking down at him with a typically worried expression and Louis is looking over at the booth Zayn just fell out of.
“Harry?” Louis squeaks and Zayn stands upright, leaning on Louis shoulder and feels his breathing become heavier.
“Hey, fancy meeting you here” Harry laughs and quickly removes his arm from around the girl beside him.
Zayn sluggishly looks between the two and he can almost hear the cogs turning in Louis’ head.
“Do you want to join us?” Harry offers, looking at the girl quickly as if asking for permission. She nods her head with a grim expression, eying Zayn with contempt. “This is-“ Harry starts but Louis barks out a loud and fake laugh.
“No, sorry we can’t, got to get this mess home. See you on Monday, yeah?!” he says, gripping the back of Zayn’s head to nod it for him.
“I’ll go tell Niall and Josh” Liam mutters but Louis reaches out and grabs Liam’s arm. He practically drags both Liam and Zayn out the door, ignoring whatever Harry is shouting after them and not stopping until he is well clear of the club.
“Take him home” Louis mutters to Liam, pushing Zayn into him and avoiding his eyes.
“Where are you going?” Liam asks, struggling to hold Zayn up as he stumbles around.
Louis ignores him; waving down the next black cab and holding the door open for them. He tells the driver their address and Liam catches the black look in his eye before the cab is scooting off into the night.
Zayn is heavier than Liam expected as he practically turns to mush into Liam’s arms and has to be carried all the way to his apartment.
“Where are your keys?” he hisses as Zayn giggles against his neck.
“Louis” Zayn manages to answer and for the next ten minutes, Liam searches Zayn’s person for a set of keys to no avail.
“Fuck!” he shouts and slumps down against the door, catching Zayn’s head before it slams into the ground.
“Sorry” Zayn laughs, poking Liam’s face, clearly oblivious to the mess they are in.
“Go to sleep, Zayn”
“What? Here?” Zayn laughs peeking at Liam’s phone as he tries to send a text to Louis.
“Yes, here” Liam sighs and takes off his jacket to make a pillow for Zayn in his lap.
Zayn snuggles down like a cat and if Liam were not so anxious he would be carding his fingers through the black locks and probably falling asleep himself.
Zayn stares at the denim fibres on Liam’s jeans with awe and wants to tell him he loves him but he is too drunk to speak. So he mumbles whatever he can and focuses on the faint pulse coming from Liam’s body before letting the black consume him.
/
Liam’s phone died sometime during the night so neither boy has any idea what time it is when Zayn finally rises. His body is stiff and his head feels like it may explode. He shoots a guilty look at Liam who apparently has not slept yet and looks even stiffer than Zayn.
“Hi” he croaks and Liam smiles a short smile and Zayn wonders what kind of trouble he’s in for today. “Any reason we’re lying outside my apartment?”
Liam rolls his eyes and tells Zayn that the only set of keys is with Louis somewhere.
“Where is he?” Zayn groans stretching his arms above his head and quickly fights a sudden urge to vomit. Liam shrugs and that is the first warning sign for Zayn. Well it should be the second, considering how he woke up.
“You don’t know?” Zayn clarifies, sobering up quickly as his worry takes over.
“He sent us home after seeing Harry with that girl last night” Liam says through a yawn and Zayn sits up straighter now.
“What girl?! You let him go off by himself? What the fuck, Liam!” Zayn panics and Liam’s eyes start to widen with fear.
“Well, I don’t know who she is and… well yes, but he basically threw us in the taxi. It all happened so quickly, I’m sorry!” Liam stands up now and Zayn follows suit, starting to shake as his mind floods with LouisLouisLouis.
He quickly bolts, leaving Liam standing there in a confused silence and takes the stairs two at a time, jumping into the first cab he sees.
/
He starts off with Louis’ usual spots. The swings in the park, the pond, the ice cream parlour near their flat- he even checks the library. But Louis is in none of these places and Zayn is sure he is about to pass out from the stress.
He ignores what time it is, certain that Dave will surely fire him now and sits down on a bench just outside Woodlands. He racks his brains for where Louis could possibly be. His stomach sinks when he thinks of a possible - although farfetched - option and heads to the train station.
He wishes more than anything he had his cigarettes or even a pack of chewing gum. The hangover he has is nearly making him want to give up, curl up somewhere and just cry until Louis finds him and tells him that for once, Louis is going to take care of him.
He strolls onto the platform and the screeching of train’s is nearly enough to send him running. Until he spots a familiar figure curled up on a bench beside the ticket booth. He stomps his feet and runs through all the curse words he knows in his head before walking over and taking a seat beside the small feet sticking out from what is obviously Louis’ jacket.
“Thought I’d find you here”
“Thought you wouldn’t”
Zayn sighs and watches a woman take a long drag of her cigarette before stepping onto the train. He wonders how low it would be if he went over and smoked the end of it. He snaps out of his thought when Louis shifts so the top of his head is poking out from the jacket.
“I’m freezing”
“Let’s get you inside, then”
“I want to go”
“Let’s go then”
“No, I want to go”
Zayn looks over now and Louis’ is staring at the people boarding the trains to god knows where. He reaches over and drags Louis up, pulling him into a hug that’s rather awkward in this position but it’s what he needs. What they both need.
“There is nowhere to go but home, with me” Zayn says into Louis hair and feels the boy melt into his grip.
“You’re late for work”
“I know”
They both sigh, breaths mingling in the air around them as they watch countless people embark and disembark countless trains and only moving when Zayn hears Louis’ teeth begin to chatter.
/
When they get back to the apartment, Liam is now curled up outside, sleeping for what looks like the first time in months. It’d almost melt Zayn’s heart if it wasn’t so wrecked today already. Liam wakes up when Zayn sticks the key in the lock and he sits upright, wiping his eyes and staring up at them blearily.
“Oh, Louis, thank God you’re alright! I’m so sorry and I was so worried and it’s-“
Louis stops him by pressing his finger to Liam’s lips and shaking his head. “Stop blabbing and come inside” he can’t help but smile when Liam’s eyes widen to an impossibly large size.
Zayn shoots Liam a quick apologetic look, earning a small smile in return and the three of them all rush for the bathroom at once. They find themselves blocked in the doorway until Louis suggests they rock paper scissors for it. Which he wins.
They all quickly get changed and order a pizza which ends up being devoured by Zayn and Liam, Louis claiming he is not that hungry.
“I’m gonna go to bed” he says whilst Zayn and Liam fight over the last slice.
“It’s only seven” Liam frowns, handing Zayn the slice as they all knew he would anyway.
“M’tired” Louis yawns and waves at them before retiring into his room for the night.
After an hour of crap telly, Zayn finds his head once again in Liam’s lap with Liam’s hand pulling at random strands of hair. It’s nice, it really is. Then Liam kicks Zayn’s leg and nods towards Louis’ door.
“You’ve been staring at it all night, go check on him” he says with a kind smile and Zayn just really hates him.
But he does, of course he does, because Louis comes first.
Louis is under his covers and Zayn can see his iPod is on and what sounds like heartache coming from the earphones. He grits his teeth before pulling the duvet off and finding Louis’ face buried in his pillow. His whole body is rigid; he is pretending not to cry for Zayn’s sake. As if Zayn does not know everything little thing about him already.
He presses pause on the iPod and runs a hand up Louis’ arm.
“You know, we don’t know who that girl was” he says softly and watches Louis’ knees go up higher towards his belly. “She could be anyone”.
“It’s not just that, Zayn! It’s everything! Once again I let myself like someone and they shit all over me. When’s it going to stop? Everyone I ever love ends up breaking me some way” Louis throws the pillow off the bed and his face and eyes are red and he looks positively manic. It crushes Zayn, makes him angry and sad at the same time; makes him want to just shake Louis until he is ok again.
“I haven’t!” Zayn protests
Louis levels him with a malicious glare.
“Oh please, enlighten me then” Zayn growls, standing up and removing himself from Louis’ touch.
“Him!” Louis throws an arm in the direction of the living room and Zayn looks out to find Liam standing there awkwardly. His usual Liam-embarrassed-red colour.
“I’m gonna go” Liam whispers, making his way towards the door but Zayn shouts at him to stop.
“What the fuck are you on about?” Zayn snaps turning back to Louis who is now kneeling on the bed to get that extra height.
“You know exactly what I am on about” Louis snaps back and they glare at each other until the front door closing brings them out of it. Louis looks guilty for a moment before Zayn pulls his arm to grab his attention.
“When are you going to stop this?” Zayn says quietly, no longer angry. No longer anything really. Just fed up.
Louis shrugs and dons that expression that frustrates Zayn more than anything. The one that tells the world that Louis Tomlinson does not care, is impervious, can do anything.
“You need to stop trying your very best to ruin everything around you and just fucking let yourself be happy because you’re not the only one affected by your mess. I’m done with this” Zayn mutters, looking at Louis carefully for a long moment before squeezing his hand and walking out of the room and out of the apartment.
/
He finds himself running after Liam and catches up to him before he can walk up the steps to his own house.
“Liam, wait, please?” he gasps, pinching his side where a stitch is beginning to form.
Liam turns around with a false smile on his face and waits for Zayn to catch his breath.
“Why’d you leave?” Zayn gets out, bending over to try relieve the pain in his side.
“I don’t want to cause a fight between you and Lou” Liam explains and his keys jingle in his hand in a strange rhythm.
“You didn’t- you don’t!”
Liam looks at him like Zayn must think he is stupid and Zayn grits his teeth.
“Louis just had a bad day. He gets possessive sometimes, that’s all” Zayn tries to explain but the expression does not leave Liam’s face.
“Sometimes” he snorts and turns back to open his door, pausing in the doorway and turning back around. “You’re a great friend, Zayn, the best, but you need to let him go” he says and his tone is sad, so sad, and he closes the door before Zayn can open his mouth.
He sits on Liam’s step for the duration of two cigarettes and leaves with a sinking feeling in his heart and stomach.
/
Sometimes Zayn wishes he had his own house or flat and this applies when he arrives home to find Harry pacing outside his flat. He ignores him and tries to push past to open the door and just go to bed.
“Zayn, please?” Harry’s whimper is so pathetic that he can’t help but stop in his tracks and face the younger boy. He looks stormy, his curls all over the place and his black clothes adding to that sinking feeling in Zayn’s body. Zayn can only shrug, doesn’t even know how to explain Louis’ state to Harry.
“Will you let me in?” Harry asks, eying the keys in Zayn’s hand but Zayn shakes his head. He has to clench his fists to stop himself from possibly strangling him.
“Listen, ok, that girl in the bar? Yeah, that’s Gemma- my sister! That’s the reason I couldn’t meet Louis last night, she’s only in town for the day” Harry explains and his impossibly long fingers playing with his bracelets distract Zayn from his earnest eyes.
“Can you just… tell him that?” Harry sighs when Zayn remains silent. “I really like him, Zayn, but I need everyone to let me” he adds before stalking back out the main entrance.
Zayn bangs his head against the door a few times for good luck before pushing himself inside their apartment. Louis is sitting on the kitchen worktop looking at the door with an unreadable expression.
“How long was he there?” Zayn asks, throwing his jacket on the couch and putting the kettle on.
Louis shrugs and as Zayn edges closer to him he still has that false carefree look about him from earlier. It takes all his willpower not to clock him one.
“By the way, I was right. That girl he was with was his sister, not some hook-up. ‘Night Lou” Zayn quips before slamming into his bedroom with his tea and leaving Louis in what he hopes is an uncomfortable and embarrassed silence.
/
yellow
Zayn likes yellow. It’s a happy colour really. Sunshine is not technically yellow; he knows it’s impossible not to associate the two. Yellow is the colour of his and Louis’ first mug they bought for their apartment, the colour of Niall’s hair, the colour his fingers are starting to turn because of his smoking. He finds little specks of yellow in Liam’s eyes one day and it surprises him. Makes him supress a wide smile and he immediately gets to work on his painting.
The eyes are already perfect; he can’t help but think, but the yellow needs to be added now that he knows it’s there. He pushes any worries or thoughts out of his head and mixes his colours with gusto. Even Dave is impressed with Zayn’s mood and ethic and leaves him alone all day.
Niall is the definition of sunshine at lunch, swooping around Zayn and Louis with a shit eating grin on his face. Louis bounces off him and Zayn is thankful for the false bravado as they eat their lunch through loud laughter and vulgar jokes.
“Josh plays drums you know, he showed me yesterday” Niall sighs like a lovesick teenager, which he is, Zayn supposes and looks over at the sports shop with a dreamy expression.
“I’m sure he did” Louis smirks and the three of them giggle helplessly.
Niall hands them their bill on a yellow slip of paper and adds a smiley face at the end. Zayn brushes his thumb over it fondly and Louis smiles his first real smile in ages.
“He is such an idiot” he murmurs, watching Niall dance with Gina around the till. She is clearly trying to scold Niall to get back to work but can’t help let out the squeal of laughter as he dips her down for a kiss on the cheek.
Zayn goes to speak when a chair is scraped over to their table and Harry sits down. Zayn looks at him and holds back a laugh. Harry is wearing an obscenely yellow t-shirt with a black smiley face on it and the irony almost hurts.
Louis stiffens in his chair and if Zayn were not so comfortable he would quickly leave. That and the fact that Louis is pressing down on his foot under the table.
Harry looks at both of them, wondering who will speak first and Niall runs out to take his order. Harry waves him away, eyes boring into Louis and Niall makes a face before returning inside.
“This is awkward” Zayn announces, too giddy to care and they both shoot him a glare that, frankly, scares him.
“Did you tell him?” Harry hisses at Zayn, his hands pointing at the angry looking Louis.
“I am right here you know?” Louis pipes up and finally they both look at each other.
“Did Zayn tell you?” Harry asks through gritted teeth.
Zayn watches with amusement as Louis tries to struggle with his own stubbornness. He knows Louis wants to be angry with Harry but he knows Louis knows he has no right. It also must be very hard for him to keep up that glare with Harry’s innocent face staring at you.
“He did”
“And?”
Louis looks at Zayn. “No, don’t look at him, look at me. It’s me you’re dealing with now” Harry says and both Louis and Zayn flinch. Nobody has ever really done that before. Call them out on their co-dependency. Louis tears his eyes off Zayn’s and faces Harry with a fearful look swimming in his eyes.
“And?” Harry repeats and Zayn wonders how he can look at Louis’ eyes like that and not crumble. He is obviously stronger than Zayn. It hits Zayn then that Harry is better for Louis than he is. Louis must be feeling the same, confused as to how Harry has not bowed down to his puppy-eyed expression and just let him have his way.
“And…. Ok” Louis breathes out, unsure now as to what to say or how to act.
“Ok” Harry parrots, eyebrows rising and a faint sighting of his dimple begins to appear.
“Yes. Ok” Louis frowns but a smile is playing on his lips and now he definitely only has eyes for Harry. Zayn decides that then is a suitable time to leave, slipping off his chair and paying for their lunch, returning back to the yellow explosion in Liam’s eyes with a far brighter smile than he had this morning.
//
When Zayn left Louis at lunch, Louis had felt an odd surge of bravery. Like Zayn was that lifeline he has been clinging to but now that he has gone… he can do almost anything. He and Harry had not really discussed anything before Harry also had to return to work. They had both just kept repeating ‘ok’ until they ended up laughing at each other like idiots.
The newfound bravery is the only reason Louis can come up with to explain why he finds himself marching into the record shop Harry works in. He spots Harry’s mop of curls straight away over by the second hand instruments.
He sneaks up behind him and stands right on his toes so his mouth is level with Harry’s ear.
“Hello” he whispers and watches bursts of goose bumps rise over Harry’s pale neck.
He steadies himself with his hands on Harry’s hips and if his tongue brushes off Harry’s ear when he moistens his lips it was unintentional.
“What are you doing?” Harry whispers, eyes searching for his boss manically as his stomach pools with heat when Louis brushes his thumbs under Harry’s t-shirt.
“Something I should have done ages ago” Louis growls and licks from Harry’s shoulder back up to his ear, biting down on the lobe and squeezes Harry’s hips sharply.
Harry grabs Louis’ hands and swivels him around, making Louis have to sink back down onto his feet. He stares up at Harry whose eyes have darkened considerably and feels the urge to capture those frighteningly pink lips in his own. So he does. He pulls Harry down by the scruff of his shirt and kisses him roughly.
Harry moans into the embrace, pulling Louis even closer towards him, not giving a fuck about his boss anymore, and gladly opens his mouth when Louis’ tongue fights for entrance.
“Follow me” Harry mutters when he pulls away and scans the shop before rushing over to the supply room. Louis cocks an eyebrow and mouths “really?” grinning evilly when Harry jangles the keys in front of him.
“Well, if you don’t want to…” Harry sing-songs, starting to slip the keys back into his pocket. Louis panics and reaches out for them, groaning with frustration when Harry holds them up too high for him to reach.
“Fucking get on with it, then” Louis huffs out, pulling his t-shirt back down over his exposed belly after being up on his toes.
Harry chuckles before opening the door, dragging Louis in alongside him with a dark grin.
Before Louis can adjust to his surroundings, Harry has him pinned against the door, shoving a leg between Louis’ thighs and devouring his mouth in one swift movement.
Louis grabs his hip and hair, trying to pull him as close as possible, all while rutting against him. He lets his head fall against the door when Harry stars kissing down his neck, allowing him more access and he almost whimpers when Harry nibbles on his adams apple.
Harry lets go of him for a moment and a light switches on. Louis looks around at all the abandoned supplies; CDs, records and instruments are amongst the mess and he finds a large speaker to sit on. He opens his legs and beckons Harry over with a finger and a raised eyebrow.
Harry licks his lips and strips off, pulling his yellow t-shirt off quickly causing his curls to fall into his face in a way that makes Louis moan. He smirks at Louis before slowly unzipping his jeans and the sound of the zipper is enough to make Louis fully hard.
“Hurry up” Louis grunts, making quick work of his own t-shirt and pulls his jeans down to his knees, not even caring that his boxers are tented or that he must look desperate.
Harry only stares with a smile, shaking his hips to get his jeans over them, slowly dragging the black denim down his long legs and stepping out of them slowly. He stands there for a while, just scanning Louis and cups himself, rutting slightly until he starts to bite his lip. It drives Louis insane.
His patience gets the better of him and he hops off the speaker, walking over to Harry and pulling him back until he is bracketing him against an upright keyboard case. Harry raises his arms so they are gripping onto the case and his head is hanging down, curls tickling Louis nose and he brushes his lips slightly over Louis’.
He circles his hips and groans every time they brush against each other and speeds up, until Louis starts to moan in the back of his throat. He leaves his lips only brushing over Louis’; pulling away any time Louis tries to kiss him.
“Fucking tease” Louis breathes out, hands reaching around to cup Harry’s ass. He thrusts into Harry and the younger boy clearly had enough of teasing, because he quickly reaches down and shoves his hand down Louis’ boxers. Louis doesn’t know whether to sigh or moan with relief when Harry’s ridiculously long fingers wrap the whole way around his cock.
Harry pulls his own lips into his mouth and if his eyes weren’t dark already, they are black now. He jacks his hand a few times slowly to get Louis riled up and he succeeds. Louis’ fingers are digging into his hips when Harry drags his hand back out, only to tug on his own cock a few times. Harry stares at him as he does and Louis has never felt so turned on in his whole life. He grabs Harry’s curls and tugs him down for a crushing kiss.
They start to push against each other in a rhythm that just screams harrylouisharrylouis. It’s fast and passionate but uncertain, as if they are trying to outdo each other but in the most careful way. Louis finds it hard not to let his eyes roll in his head every time Harry swivels his hips and they grind against each other.
Harry lets huffs of breath escape his mouth and they flutter across Louis’ cheekbones, he has a firm grip on Louis’ hips and continues to rub against him in the most delicious way. Louis loses it once Harry finally opens his eyes and grins at him. That grin that everyone has become accustomed too. He decides he never wants it to leave Harry’s face and he lets out a cry of what he hopes sounds like pleasure and comes all over Harry’s cock. Harry’s eyes widen and he speeds up, thrusting sporadically against the mess Louis made and bites down on his plump lower lip.
“Styles, where the fuck are you?” they hear a loud shout from outside the door. Louis gasps and waits for Harry to pull away and for it to maybe get awkward but instead, it seems to spur Harry on. He lets go and looks at Louis like they are really fucking, makes sounds like they are really fucking and Louis has to clamp his hand over his open mouth before they’re caught.
“Styles?!” the voice shouts again and Harry bites Louis’ fingers as he comes, bucking against him until he comes down off his high.
“In here boss, be out now” he calls out, eyes twinkling as he looks down at Louis who won’t admit he is scared.
“You better hurry up, we have customers” the voice replies and Louis holds his breath, expecting Harry’s boss to come barging in to find them naked and covered in each other’s come.
“Sorry, I just like taking my time, I’m coming now” Harry calls out but his tone is laced with innuendo and he smiles lazily down at Louis and trails his hand from his ear to his lips. It’s a relatively innocent gesture but Louis shivers at the intimacy and brushes a small kiss over Harry’s fingers.
The boss does not come into the room and it gives them time to quickly clean up and get dressed, both of them giggling over what they just did and eying each other coyly.
“So I’ll see you later?” Harry says over his shoulder as he starts to open the door.
“Yep” Louis answers and tries to not sound too hopeful.
He spots Harry’s dimple before he turns to exit the room and Louis quickly slides out after him, praying to whoever can hear that nobody saw him.
/
As Zayn serves a customer he spots Louis running up the escalator and into work in a flurry of bright colour. There is a skip to his step and Zayn wonders where exactly he has been. Putting two and two together he grins, punching the air and letting out a whoop before Dave practically shoves him into his half-finished piece.
Zayn observes it silently, fighting the grin threatening to spread across his face. He never blows his own trumpet, but he can’t help admire his own work. His previous fear of adding the dash of yellow to Liam’s eyes is eradicated as he stares at the pair before him. They truly are beautiful.
When he starts to work on other aspects of the painting, he can’t fight the nagging feeling creeping up on him. This day is good, he knows that. But the way he and Liam left things rings clear in his memory.
He tries and tries to paint the shadow Liam’s jaw creates on his neck but it’s useless. He throws down his paintbrush and waves at Dave lazily before walking over to the sports shop. He has no idea what he is doing exactly, but he strides in towards the counter where Liam is usually perched.
He drums his fingers on the counter waiting for someone to show up, anticipation coursing through his veins. Josh is sitting on the case of basketballs, texting rapidly on his phone not paying any attention to Zayn at all. Other workers are dealing with customers and Liam is nowhere to be found.
Zayn starts to pace the shop looking behind pillars where Liam could possibly be. It’s not until he hears Liam’s familiar chuckle resonate from the dressing rooms that he stops in his tracks. He takes a deep breath before poking his head around the corner.
Liam is leaning against one of the stalls, that crinkly-eyed grin decorating his face in the usual breath-taking way. Zayn is about to call for his attention when the guy Zayn recognises from the party steps out from the stall. The guy who had practically sucked Liam’s soul out through his mouth. He is trying on the latest Man Utd. jersey, does a twirl for Liam and laughs when he earns himself a wolf-whistle.
“It suits you” Liam murmurs and Zayn starts to back away, bile rising in his throat. Naturally, nothing ever going Zayn’s way, he stumbles on a shoelace and falls back into a large unsteady case of various sports balls.
Everyone turns their head towards him when the balls fall out of the case and start rolling all over the shop. Zayn slips on a tennis ball in his effort to escape and ends up flat on his arse.
“Zayn?” Liam rushes over and helps him up, staring around at the stampede of balls which are causing customers to run out in fear. Josh looks delighted, laughing when people stumble or fall and starts whooping when their boss storms out of her office.
“Zayn, are you ok?” Liam asks. Zayn pushes him back. He feels self-conscious under everyone’s gaze and Liam’s is even more intense. His skin prickles from it and that asshole in the jersey is smirking at him.
“Zayn?” Liam repeats, looking hurt but still concerned. Zayn’s face is alight and his eyes dart around the shop, looking at the mess he created. Which wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t fucked things up with Liam in the first place. He starts to panic, everything becoming too much.
He holds his hands out to prevent Liam coming any further and tries to rush out, tripping over the balls rolling by his feet and nearly ending up on his arse again until he finally exits the shop. Dave is furious when he runs inside and towards the easel.
He almost rips it, almost. But Zayn doesn’t lose his temper like Louis does. He doesn’t automatically go into destruct mode. He calms himself. So he paces in front of the canvas and ignores the shining eyes that he last saw in real life looking at him with hurt. He squeezes his hands into fists and breathes in and out until his heart stops racing.
“Zayn, you really are walking a fine line here” Dave grunts but does not press the issue when Zayn’s eyes flash scarily. “Get back to work”.
And he does but it’s no longer the yellow, it’s the black. The black iris, the black shadows. He jabs the brush in violently, almost scared that he might stab a hole in his masterpiece.
He doesn’t stop until he feels Louis’ presence enter the shop and stop just at the door. He must have heard about Zayn’s embarrassing story of the day because he remains silent. Zayn can feel his eyes boring into his skin.
“So what happened with Harry?” he asks through gritted teeth.
“How did you… well… I don’t really know?” Louis stammers and Zayn has to turn around to figure it out for himself. His eyes immediately zone in a light bruise on Louis’ neck and the flush on his cheeks.
“You had sex with him in the record shop?” Zayn shouts, unable to contain his shock or amusement.
“Not full on sex, no” Louis smirks and lets himself laugh when Zayn’s eyes widen.
“Dirty bitch” Zayn snorts and puts his paintbrush down.
“That’s beautiful, Zayn” Louis gasps when Zayn steps away from the easel, staring at the scarily life-like picture of Liam that Zayn is starting to resent.
“Let’s go home” Zayn sighs, slinging an arm around the smaller boy, who curls into him instinctively. Zayn’s heart almost sinks when Harry is hovering by his car outside with a hesitant smile on his face.
Louis stands to attention but does not cower from Zayn’s hold. Zayn waits for the usual confused expression that he and Louis usually earn from potential dates but Harry only grins at Zayn before running his hands through his curls. Zayn still hates him.
“I was just going to ask you if you wanted to go out?” Harry starts and for the first time since Zayn met the kid, he sounds nervous. “I mean, out with me, like, on a date?” he finishes and turns a beetroot colour.
Zayn feels Louis fidget beside him and can hear the internal battle going on inside his head. The fear, the excitement, probably the lust and want for this boy. “Where?” Louis asks and Harry grins evilly, reminding Zayn starkly of Louis himself when he has an idea.
“You’ll have to see” Harry answers and Zayn knows that’s sold it. Louis can never resist a surprise. He starts to look up at Zayn almost like for permission, but Zayn untangles himself to begin the strife of opening his car door.
He hears Louis mutter an agreement and spots Harry’s face-splitting smile in the reflection of the window. It’s cute.
“I’ll be home later, Zayn” Louis calls over, and only Zayn could notice the question at the end. Zayn turns around and looks at him, nods with a smile before hopping into his car. When he drives beside the two, he rolls down his window and shouts “keep him safe” to no one in particular and speeds off with their laughter echoing in his head.
/
For the first time in a long time, Zayn faces an empty flat when he gets home. He is surprised he is not upset or jealous about this. Usually he would throw himself down onto the couch and mope, wishing Louis was here instead of out with some asshole. But he likes Harry and he knows he could really love his best friend the way he deserves. So instead he busies himself with cleaning and doing absolutely anything he can to block out today.
But he can’t. He keeps seeing Liam’s hurt expression when Zayn pushed him away. Zayn knows he must be confusing Liam. Fuck, he is confusing himself.
When he can find nothing else to clean, he picks up his phone and stares at Liam’s number nervously. He pretends he doesn’t already know the boys number by heart and presses the green button. He chews at a hangnail on his thumb while the dial tone abuses his ears.
“’lo?” Liam answers in a low voice and Zayn glances at the clock. It’s only nine.
Zayn gulps, panics. What if he is in bed with that absolute prick from the party. He is about to hang up but Liam already saw his caller ID, “Zayn?”
“Yeah, um, hi” Zayn answers and can’t remember the last time he took a breath.
“I can’t really talk right now, I’m babysitting” Liam explains, which explains why Liam is talking quietly and the weight in Zayn’s stomach lifts.
“Well, you can listen, right?” he imagines Liam nodding furiously “I was really out of order in the shop today. Well, I suppose I’ve been out of order a lot recently. I guess I just want to apologise and say that um, well…” and again, Zayn panics.
He wants to spill his heart out, take advantage of the fact Liam cannot really speak. But the words jump around his head in a terrifying medley and his mouth dries up.
“Well?” Liam encourages him with a whisper and Zayn can hear the ounce of hope in it and it makes him squirm.
“I’ll be finished my painting tomorrow, I want you to be the first to see it” Zayn hurries out and it’s not really true but he had to say something. He imagines Liam nodding again, this time with that shy smile on his face.
“Ok so, I don’t know whether you are agreeing or not but if you are, stop by the shop when you’re finished work, yeah?” and he hangs up before Liam can attempt to whisper something back. And then he rushes out of his apartment to the 24 hour shop for all the red bull he can get before returning back to work.
/
pink
Pink is a stereotypical girl colour and Zayn hates that, because he loves the colour pink. It’s bright, happy, full of fun. It’s the colour of his favourite slush puppee in the cinema, the colour of the circles around Louis’ eyes when he is too tired, the colour of Niall’s fingers after he plays guitar. The colour of Liam’s lips.
And that’s what he is painting. Maybe he is a masochist, but Zayn is fiercely dragging the paintbrush across the canvas as he focuses on the large lips he is painting. He purposely ignores anyone who tries to talk to him, especially Dave.
Louis is not in work today, so at lunch Zayn revels in the idea of eating lunch alone. Niall silently hands him his food and Zayn feels bad because Niall seems to be delighted with himself, bursting to tell Zayn whatever it is that has him rocking on the balls of his feet. Instead he leaves Zayn in his brooding silence and figures that Zayn is just really hungover.
Then Harry sits down on Louis’s seat.
Zayn ignores him and stares at his soup instead, he thinks about finally changing his order at Gina’s because the soup is getting a little boring. He notices the different bracelets that decorate Harry’s pale wrists. The one that stands out most is a vibrant pink one reading something about love being equal. Zayn likes it.
“Hungover?” Harry, of course, breaks the silence.
Zayn debates over what to say in his head, should he apologise for what he said last night or pretend to forget? He decides the latter is more convenient and nods his head solemnly. So Harry just laughs in empathy and asks Niall for a cup of coffee, smiling at the way Niall jitters around the café.
“Me and Josh are official” Niall can’t help but blurt out when he puts Harry’s mug down on the table. Zayn glances up at him and the smile on Niall’s face is so wide and genuine that he can’t help but beam himself.
“Well done, mate! I’m happy for you” Zayn pats Niall’s shoulder and leaves it there, needing to feel some of Niall’s warmth and energy.
“Congrats” Harry smiles, tipping his mug in Niall’s direction before taking a long sip.
“We’re going on our first date tonight. He says it’s a surprise” Niall is practically buzzing and he reminds Zayn of a child on Christmas morning. It makes him forget any selfish problems he has and feel a sudden burst of happiness for his friend.
“There he is now” Niall sucks in a breath and waves over at Josh who is poking his head out of the sports shop. Josh waves back with a large smile on his face and Zayn starts to laugh because he just feels so happy for them.
That feeling lasts approximately ten seconds, because Liam comes walking out from behind Josh and in their direction. Zayn takes in a large gulp of air and all he can see in his head is Liam kissing another boy. He starts to fidget with anything he can find on the table and Harry watches him with a frown, only looking up when Liam sits down at their table.
“Nice hickey” Zayn hears Harry smirk and if Zayn’s heart wasn’t already thumping then he refuses to look to see what Harry could possibly be talking about.
“You too” Liam retorts and quickly orders a breakfast roll from the menu.
Eventually Zayn raises his eyes from his bowl of soup and of course they zone in on Liam’s neck where a large purple spot basically jumps off his skin. It makes Zayn want to stand up and make his own mark - a better mark - on Liam’s skin.
“Where did you get to last night?” Liam asks Zayn quietly and fidgets with the collar of his shirt, feeling uneasy under Zayn’s gaze.
“I took Louis home early” Zayn quickly replies, feeling a bit sick and wishing he were anywhere but here.
“Speaking of Louis, Zayn you said something last night and, well, it confused me” Harry says and if he could talk any slower Zayn is pretty sure he would fall into a coma.
“I did?” Zayn squeaks and he starts to feel nauseous with two pairs of confused eyes trained on him and the images of Liam kissing someone else rolling around in his head.
“Well, you were quite angry,” Harry seems nervous and if Zayn liked him he would feel guilty about the way he’s making Harry behave “you told me to stop fucking about with him?”
Harry’s eyes are what Zayn hates the most. He can’t help but stare at them, become consumed by them. They are clouded with confusion and Zayn does feel guilty. So he laughs like it is nothing.
“I say that to everyone when I am drunk” he lies, waving a hand in the air and taking a long drink of his water.
“Right, ok that’s fine then” Harry says, still sounding confused but his eyes clear up and his smile returns. The one with the dimple that Zayn detests. “I better get back to work, see you guys later”.
Liam and Zayn are left in an uncomfortable silence and Zayn wants to stick his fork in his eye, or Liam’s, he doesn’t really care which.
“H-how’s the painting coming along?” Liam stutters, watching Zayn carefully as if he can tell exactly what Zayn is feeling and it is like he is treading on eggshells.
“Fine”
“Can I see it?”
“No”
Zayn doesn’t mean to sound harsh but it comes out that way and Liam flinches.
“I mean, not until it’s done” Zayn hurries to get out because no matter what Liam does, he never wants to be the one that upsets him. Liam smiles at that and mutters something about being excited and blushing a colour Zayn has now associated with Liam’s embarrassment.
“Were you ok last night?” Liam looks like he can’t help but ask, as if he had been worrying about it all morning. Zayn nods feebly, finding it increasingly difficult to lie anymore, especially to Liam. Liam opens his mouth to ask another question but that’s when Dave opens the door and basically whistles at Zayn for his attention. Zayn looks over with an unimpressed expression on his face and rolls his eyes when Dave starts gesturing for him to come back to work.
“Hey um, do you want to go to the cinema tonight?” Liam quickly asks as Zayn stands up and turns the same colour as Harry’s pink bracelet.
“Just you and I or is anyone else coming?” Zayn asks, unsure but excited.
“Well, you can ask Louis if-“
“No! That’s perfect”
Liam beams and Zayn’s stomach feels like it is trying to do several backflips.
“I’ll come by yours at around seven?” Liam is biting his lip now, holding back the smile Zayn wants nothing more than to see. He just nods his head, afraid of what might come out of his mouth if he speaks and rushes back to work, shooting Dave a wide grin on his way in the door.
“Get painting, Malik” Dave grunts and Zayn’s fingers tremble as he glides his paintbrush over the dip of Liam’s top lip.
/
Louis of course, is more than excited when Zayn comes home covered in pink paint and smiling his first real smile in weeks.
“You’re going on a date”
Zayn levels him with a half assed glare as he anxiously rifles through his wardrobe, cursing his lack of money and fashion sense.
“It’s not a date”
“Zayn, you and Liam are going to a dark secluded cinema on your own together, that just screams romance”
Another glare but Louis is too busy spilling out all the romantic things Zayn should say and do on their ‘date’.
Zayn is just finished his shower when he hears the doorbell ring and he panics. He can’t leave Louis alone with Liam; God knows what he will say to him. He rushes out of his room with only a towel around his waist and beats Louis to the door.
“You’re going to answer the door like that??”
“It’s better than having you answer it looking like the world’s biggest pervert”
“I’m the pervert?! You’re scantily clad!”
“I have a towel-“
“Um, guys, I can hear you” Liam’s voice comes from the other side of the door and Louis sniggers while Zayn pushes him away from the door handle and opens it. Zayn immediately regrets opening the door in only a towel because the way Liam looks at him makes his skin go hot all over.
“Um… hi” Liam coughs out, dragging his eyes off Zayn’s wet chest and smiles sheepishly, ears turning red when he hears Louis’ obnoxious laugh.
“I’ll just be a minute” Zayn mutters, jogging back to his room and feels two pairs of eyes follow him all the way. He shuts out both their voices as he dresses, not wanting to know what Louis could possibly be saying to Liam and glances in the mirror. Liam had come wearing a simple baseball shirt, jeans and a scarf - which Zayn refused to think about was hiding- nothing fancy and yet Zayn had practically watered at the mouth looking at him.
Zayn looks at his own raggedy band t-shirt and black skinny jeans and wonders if it’s acceptable enough. He doesn’t have time to change his mind when Louis sneaks into his room and stands up on his toes to hook his chin over Zayn’s shoulder. He gives him a onceover in the mirror and hums approvingly. Their eyes connect in the mirror and Zayn pretends not to see the sadness in Louis’.
“Have fun” Louis whispers and squeezes Zayn’s hips and Zayn wishes he would say something Louis-ish and not have this tension in the air.
“I will” he replies and Louis turns him around so they can hug.
A hug between them is a common occurrence, even if they are simply walking down the street they are usually wrapped up in each other somehow. But this is different, Louis holds him tighter than usual and Zayn clings to Louis’ shoulders like they are the only thing keeping him on his feet.
Louis pulls back and rises even higher on his toes so they are eye to eye. Keeping his eyes open, he kisses Zayn softly on the lips. Zayn can’t help but close his own and kiss him back. Like their hug, this kiss is different. This kiss feels like their last.
“I love you” Louis whispers against Zayn’s lips and sinks back down onto his feet. “Now go get some” he laughs, pinching Zayn’s hips and straightens up before re-joining Liam in the sitting room.
“Ready?” Zayn asks, eying his cigarettes on the table but choosing to leave them there for the night. He can smoke them all when he gets home.
“Yeah! Louis what are your plans for tonight?” Liam smiles at Zayn before looking over at Louis who is rummaging in the fridge.
“I have a date with the X Factor” he winks over his shoulder at Liam and continues wiggling his arse in the air as he rummages.
Liam looks at Zayn expectantly and Zayn shoots Louis one last look before exiting the apartment with Liam in tow.
/
Liam buys the tickets to some movie Zayn has never heard of and Zayn makes up for it by buying the popcorn and drinks.
It’s awkward at first and Zayn really wishes he hadn’t left his cigarettes at home, even just to play with his lighter in his pocket to calm his nerves.
“Knowing our luck Niall and Josh will show up and basically have sex in the back row” Liam laughs, diving his hand into the large popcorn and glancing at the door just in case his premonition comes true.
“Or Dave will show up with Gina doing the same thing”
Liam cackles at Zayn’s comment and Zayn flushes with pride, watching the way Liam’s whole face lights up. The movie starts and Zayn and Liam are still giggling, earning them a glare or two from the people beside them.
For an hour and a half Zayn concentrates on Liam while Liam seemingly concentrates on the film. Zayn settles in next to him and their forearms and thigh’s rest against each other and the warmth is nice. He watches Liam react to the film out of the side of his eye and has to resist from reaching out and touching the wrinkles at the side of his eyes or his lips when they pull up into a large smile or slight frown. Basically, Zayn thinks he deserves a medal for his willpower right now and can’t wait to tell Louis when he gets home.
Louis. He refuses to think about him, but can’t help feel a pang of guilt in his stomach when he pictures him curled up on the couch watching X-Factor, passing his bitchy remarks to the empty room. He pushes his friend to the back of his mind and tries to concentrate on the film, but it’s no use. Liam is much more interesting.
“So, did you like that?” Liam asks, brushing popcorn off his lap before standing up once the credits start to roll.
“Yeah, it was good”
Liam raises an eyebrow and then frowns suspiciously. “What happened in the end?”
“Umm… they um, they all died?”
Liam throws his head back and laughs. Zayn feels that weird prideful feeling again and reaches out to punch Liam’s arm.
“I’m sorry if I took you to a boring film!” Liam recovers from his laughter and looks guilty and Zayn nearly falls over with the affection that rushes through him.
“I wasn’t bored I was just…” Zayn worries on his bottom lip, avoiding Liam’s eyes at all costs. He wants to say he was nervous or excited, or even ‘I was too busy staring at your gorgeous face’ but he can’t. “… I forgot my cigarettes and I was just distracted that’s all” he rambles instead and doesn’t notice Liam’s disappointed expression.
When they leave the cinema there is an awkward moment of what-happens-now until Liam offers to walk Zayn home. They walk in comfortable silence and make small talk, mostly about work or Niall’s sudden ‘love for the cock’ as Zayn bluntly puts it.
“So what’s the deal with Harry and Louis?” Liam asks as they stand at the door to Zayn’s apartment block.
“God knows” Zayn rolls his eyes, catching a weird expression cross Liam’s face.
“Are you jealous or something?” Liam asks and his voice is small and nervous, like he doesn’t want to know the answer.
“No!” Zayn hurries to answer, but it sounds like he is lying and Liam’s face says as much.
“I’m not I swear! I just don’t want Louis to get hurt, is all” he explains and frowns, wishing he could just run upstairs for one cigarette.
“Harry is a nice guy, maybe Louis won’t get hurt?” Liam offers. Of course he would say that. Zayn wishes Liam weren’t so nice all the time.
They stand in silence again and Zayn sucks his breath in and releases it, pretends the air coming out of his mouth is smoke.
“You’ve got some pink paint on you” Liam mutters and reaches over, brushing the pad of his thumb over Zayn’s chin, frowning as he tries to remove the speck of paint. Zayn’s whole body heats up and they are mere inches away from each other, he could count each eyelash if he wanted to, he could even lean forward and just capture Liam’s lips in his own.
“Got it” Liam whispers and looks up at Zayn, his brown eyes blinking rapidly as they stare at each other for what feels like an eternity.
“I better be off, work early in the morning!” Liam says and quickly steps away from Zayn who almost screams and grabs Liam’s face to smash their lips together.
“Yeah, yeah ok, see you later!” he says instead and he counts Liam’s third strange expression of the night and wishes he would stop being so damn mysterious and just tell Zayn what he wants. Liam gives a half-wave before briskly walking away and out of Zayn’s sight.
He rushes upstairs, grabs his box of cigarettes and curls up next to the sleeping Louis on the couch and smokes the remaining four left in the box.
/
For two whole weeks, Liam and Zayn dance around each other, hanging out alone more frequently and becoming more close than Zayn could have hoped for. But there’s still that something between them that they are both avoiding and it drives Zayn mad.
Harry and Louis become a complete disaster; Harry oblivious to Louis’ pining and Louis oblivious to the way Harry’s dimples seem to only appear around Louis, and that drives Zayn even madder.
He wants to say Niall and Josh drive him mad but he would be lying. The two of them should be made fun of for being one of those typically disgusting couples but because it’s Niall and Josh, everyone coos over them like a new-born baby.
It’s a Tuesday when, for the fifth time that month, Louis dresses up again and convinces Zayn that this is the day he finally asks Harry out. Zayn nods and hums as usual, knowing that Louis will only freeze up, make an inappropriate joke and go home that night in a foul mood.
At Gina’s, Louis is strangely more quiet than usual and Zayn asks him after ten minutes if he is alright. Louis just shrugs and turns an unusual shade of red that Zayn rarely sees on him.
“What did you do?” Zayn sighs and waves over at Niall for another two cups of coffee.
“Nothing” Louis says defensively, avoiding eye contact and ignores Niall when he places the mug in front of him.
Zayn stirs his drink thoughtfully and kicks Louis under the table.
“I asked him out” Louis says down into the cup before taking a long drink that Zayn is sure burns his throat. As does Zayn’s when he chokes on his gulp and ends up having his back walloped by a concerned Niall.
“What did he say?!” Zayn manages to ask between splutters whilst pushing Niall away.
“He said not tonight, but maybe this weekend?” Zayn frowns because Louis does not sound or look happy.
“So what’s the matter, then? Is this not a good thing?” Once again all Zayn receives in reply is a shrug.
“He didn’t look happy when I asked him. He got all weird when he asked if we could do it this weekend instead” Louis finally explains and Zayn internally growls. Leave it to Louis to look at the negative.
“He probably feels guilty that he had to rearrange the date, you need to stop freaking yourself out” he tells Louis who looks like he knows Zayn is right but is refusing to agree just to be stubborn. Eventually Louis nods, perhaps for Zayn’s sake but he noticeably brightens up and decides that tonight is another ‘lad’s night out’.
“We need to start hanging out with more girls” Niall contemplates and the three of them glance at each other before sniggering into their hands, earning a glare from Gina and a frustrated Dave, who has been waiting for Zayn to finish lunch for about ten minutes.
Zayn downs the rest of his coffee before reluctantly returning back to work. The week has been so busy that he has had little time to work on his painting and Dave is at his wits end. He threatens to fire Zayn at least twice a day.
He works on one of Liam’s frustratingly bushy eyebrows before the buzzing in his phone and tapping on the window start to irritate him.
“We’ve been waiting for like, an hour” Louis complains as soon as Zayn exits the shop, ignoring the four boys standing waiting for him as he locks up.
“Let’s go then” he sighs, slinging an arm over Josh and walking with them to the usual spot.
black
Black is a colour Zayn struggles with. It complicates everything. Too much black and everything is ruined. That’s what Zayn thinks as he struggles through his fifth shot. It’s black and so is the club and so is the dance floor and everything is just black.
He walks back to the booth, trying to make Liam out in the blackness and failing.
“Zayn, are you ok?” he hears someone ask but he pushes them away and falls onto the nearest seat. He feels someone persistently slapping his cheek and he opens his eyes, ready to tell whoever it is to fuck the hell off.
Harry is sitting across from him, leaning over the table and watching him with concern that Zayn can only associate with those green eyes. Zayn sits up when he spots a pretty girl on Harry’s other side, watching them with a look of annoyance.
“Are you ok?” Harry asks again and Zayn frowns at the girl and ignores Harry.
“Are you with Louis?” Harry asks, glancing around the black club and the expression confirms what Zayn is thinking. Zayn needs to find Louis before he finds this and he stands up, maybe too fast because he ends up rolling off the seat and onto the ground.
He struggles to get to his feet, knocking over a few things and causing havoc before he feels familiar hands tug him up. A mixture of Liam and Louis. It makes him smile.
“Thanks, guys” he giggles and turns to look at them. Liam is looking down at him with a typically worried expression and Louis is looking over at the booth Zayn just fell out of.
“Harry?” Louis squeaks and Zayn stands upright, leaning on Louis shoulder and feels his breathing become heavier.
“Hey, fancy meeting you here” Harry laughs and quickly removes his arm from around the girl beside him.
Zayn sluggishly looks between the two and he can almost hear the cogs turning in Louis’ head.
“Do you want to join us?” Harry offers, looking at the girl quickly as if asking for permission. She nods her head with a grim expression, eying Zayn with contempt. “This is-“ Harry starts but Louis barks out a loud and fake laugh.
“No, sorry we can’t, got to get this mess home. See you on Monday, yeah?!” he says, gripping the back of Zayn’s head to nod it for him.
“I’ll go tell Niall and Josh” Liam mutters but Louis reaches out and grabs Liam’s arm. He practically drags both Liam and Zayn out the door, ignoring whatever Harry is shouting after them and not stopping until he is well clear of the club.
“Take him home” Louis mutters to Liam, pushing Zayn into him and avoiding his eyes.
“Where are you going?” Liam asks, struggling to hold Zayn up as he stumbles around.
Louis ignores him; waving down the next black cab and holding the door open for them. He tells the driver their address and Liam catches the black look in his eye before the cab is scooting off into the night.
Zayn is heavier than Liam expected as he practically turns to mush into Liam’s arms and has to be carried all the way to his apartment.
“Where are your keys?” he hisses as Zayn giggles against his neck.
“Louis” Zayn manages to answer and for the next ten minutes, Liam searches Zayn’s person for a set of keys to no avail.
“Fuck!” he shouts and slumps down against the door, catching Zayn’s head before it slams into the ground.
“Sorry” Zayn laughs, poking Liam’s face, clearly oblivious to the mess they are in.
“Go to sleep, Zayn”
“What? Here?” Zayn laughs peeking at Liam’s phone as he tries to send a text to Louis.
“Yes, here” Liam sighs and takes off his jacket to make a pillow for Zayn in his lap.
Zayn snuggles down like a cat and if Liam were not so anxious he would be carding his fingers through the black locks and probably falling asleep himself.
Zayn stares at the denim fibres on Liam’s jeans with awe and wants to tell him he loves him but he is too drunk to speak. So he mumbles whatever he can and focuses on the faint pulse coming from Liam’s body before letting the black consume him.
/
Liam’s phone died sometime during the night so neither boy has any idea what time it is when Zayn finally rises. His body is stiff and his head feels like it may explode. He shoots a guilty look at Liam who apparently has not slept yet and looks even stiffer than Zayn.
“Hi” he croaks and Liam smiles a short smile and Zayn wonders what kind of trouble he’s in for today. “Any reason we’re lying outside my apartment?”
Liam rolls his eyes and tells Zayn that the only set of keys is with Louis somewhere.
“Where is he?” Zayn groans stretching his arms above his head and quickly fights a sudden urge to vomit. Liam shrugs and that is the first warning sign for Zayn. Well it should be the second, considering how he woke up.
“You don’t know?” Zayn clarifies, sobering up quickly as his worry takes over.
“He sent us home after seeing Harry with that girl last night” Liam says through a yawn and Zayn sits up straighter now.
“What girl?! You let him go off by himself? What the fuck, Liam!” Zayn panics and Liam’s eyes start to widen with fear.
“Well, I don’t know who she is and… well yes, but he basically threw us in the taxi. It all happened so quickly, I’m sorry!” Liam stands up now and Zayn follows suit, starting to shake as his mind floods with LouisLouisLouis.
He quickly bolts, leaving Liam standing there in a confused silence and takes the stairs two at a time, jumping into the first cab he sees.
/
He starts off with Louis’ usual spots. The swings in the park, the pond, the ice cream parlour near their flat- he even checks the library. But Louis is in none of these places and Zayn is sure he is about to pass out from the stress.
He ignores what time it is, certain that Dave will surely fire him now and sits down on a bench just outside Woodlands. He racks his brains for where Louis could possibly be. His stomach sinks when he thinks of a possible - although farfetched - option and heads to the train station.
He wishes more than anything he had his cigarettes or even a pack of chewing gum. The hangover he has is nearly making him want to give up, curl up somewhere and just cry until Louis finds him and tells him that for once, Louis is going to take care of him.
He strolls onto the platform and the screeching of train’s is nearly enough to send him running. Until he spots a familiar figure curled up on a bench beside the ticket booth. He stomps his feet and runs through all the curse words he knows in his head before walking over and taking a seat beside the small feet sticking out from what is obviously Louis’ jacket.
“Thought I’d find you here”
“Thought you wouldn’t”
Zayn sighs and watches a woman take a long drag of her cigarette before stepping onto the train. He wonders how low it would be if he went over and smoked the end of it. He snaps out of his thought when Louis shifts so the top of his head is poking out from the jacket.
“I’m freezing”
“Let’s get you inside, then”
“I want to go”
“Let’s go then”
“No, I want to go”
Zayn looks over now and Louis’ is staring at the people boarding the trains to god knows where. He reaches over and drags Louis up, pulling him into a hug that’s rather awkward in this position but it’s what he needs. What they both need.
“There is nowhere to go but home, with me” Zayn says into Louis hair and feels the boy melt into his grip.
“You’re late for work”
“I know”
They both sigh, breaths mingling in the air around them as they watch countless people embark and disembark countless trains and only moving when Zayn hears Louis’ teeth begin to chatter.
/
When they get back to the apartment, Liam is now curled up outside, sleeping for what looks like the first time in months. It’d almost melt Zayn’s heart if it wasn’t so wrecked today already. Liam wakes up when Zayn sticks the key in the lock and he sits upright, wiping his eyes and staring up at them blearily.
“Oh, Louis, thank God you’re alright! I’m so sorry and I was so worried and it’s-“
Louis stops him by pressing his finger to Liam’s lips and shaking his head. “Stop blabbing and come inside” he can’t help but smile when Liam’s eyes widen to an impossibly large size.
Zayn shoots Liam a quick apologetic look, earning a small smile in return and the three of them all rush for the bathroom at once. They find themselves blocked in the doorway until Louis suggests they rock paper scissors for it. Which he wins.
They all quickly get changed and order a pizza which ends up being devoured by Zayn and Liam, Louis claiming he is not that hungry.
“I’m gonna go to bed” he says whilst Zayn and Liam fight over the last slice.
“It’s only seven” Liam frowns, handing Zayn the slice as they all knew he would anyway.
“M’tired” Louis yawns and waves at them before retiring into his room for the night.
After an hour of crap telly, Zayn finds his head once again in Liam’s lap with Liam’s hand pulling at random strands of hair. It’s nice, it really is. Then Liam kicks Zayn’s leg and nods towards Louis’ door.
“You’ve been staring at it all night, go check on him” he says with a kind smile and Zayn just really hates him.
But he does, of course he does, because Louis comes first.
Louis is under his covers and Zayn can see his iPod is on and what sounds like heartache coming from the earphones. He grits his teeth before pulling the duvet off and finding Louis’ face buried in his pillow. His whole body is rigid; he is pretending not to cry for Zayn’s sake. As if Zayn does not know everything little thing about him already.
He presses pause on the iPod and runs a hand up Louis’ arm.
“You know, we don’t know who that girl was” he says softly and watches Louis’ knees go up higher towards his belly. “She could be anyone”.
“It’s not just that, Zayn! It’s everything! Once again I let myself like someone and they shit all over me. When’s it going to stop? Everyone I ever love ends up breaking me some way” Louis throws the pillow off the bed and his face and eyes are red and he looks positively manic. It crushes Zayn, makes him angry and sad at the same time; makes him want to just shake Louis until he is ok again.
“I haven’t!” Zayn protests
Louis levels him with a malicious glare.
“Oh please, enlighten me then” Zayn growls, standing up and removing himself from Louis’ touch.
“Him!” Louis throws an arm in the direction of the living room and Zayn looks out to find Liam standing there awkwardly. His usual Liam-embarrassed-red colour.
“I’m gonna go” Liam whispers, making his way towards the door but Zayn shouts at him to stop.
“What the fuck are you on about?” Zayn snaps turning back to Louis who is now kneeling on the bed to get that extra height.
“You know exactly what I am on about” Louis snaps back and they glare at each other until the front door closing brings them out of it. Louis looks guilty for a moment before Zayn pulls his arm to grab his attention.
“When are you going to stop this?” Zayn says quietly, no longer angry. No longer anything really. Just fed up.
Louis shrugs and dons that expression that frustrates Zayn more than anything. The one that tells the world that Louis Tomlinson does not care, is impervious, can do anything.
“You need to stop trying your very best to ruin everything around you and just fucking let yourself be happy because you’re not the only one affected by your mess. I’m done with this” Zayn mutters, looking at Louis carefully for a long moment before squeezing his hand and walking out of the room and out of the apartment.
/
He finds himself running after Liam and catches up to him before he can walk up the steps to his own house.
“Liam, wait, please?” he gasps, pinching his side where a stitch is beginning to form.
Liam turns around with a false smile on his face and waits for Zayn to catch his breath.
“Why’d you leave?” Zayn gets out, bending over to try relieve the pain in his side.
“I don’t want to cause a fight between you and Lou” Liam explains and his keys jingle in his hand in a strange rhythm.
“You didn’t- you don’t!”
Liam looks at him like Zayn must think he is stupid and Zayn grits his teeth.
“Louis just had a bad day. He gets possessive sometimes, that’s all” Zayn tries to explain but the expression does not leave Liam’s face.
“Sometimes” he snorts and turns back to open his door, pausing in the doorway and turning back around. “You’re a great friend, Zayn, the best, but you need to let him go” he says and his tone is sad, so sad, and he closes the door before Zayn can open his mouth.
He sits on Liam’s step for the duration of two cigarettes and leaves with a sinking feeling in his heart and stomach.
/
Sometimes Zayn wishes he had his own house or flat and this applies when he arrives home to find Harry pacing outside his flat. He ignores him and tries to push past to open the door and just go to bed.
“Zayn, please?” Harry’s whimper is so pathetic that he can’t help but stop in his tracks and face the younger boy. He looks stormy, his curls all over the place and his black clothes adding to that sinking feeling in Zayn’s body. Zayn can only shrug, doesn’t even know how to explain Louis’ state to Harry.
“Will you let me in?” Harry asks, eying the keys in Zayn’s hand but Zayn shakes his head. He has to clench his fists to stop himself from possibly strangling him.
“Listen, ok, that girl in the bar? Yeah, that’s Gemma- my sister! That’s the reason I couldn’t meet Louis last night, she’s only in town for the day” Harry explains and his impossibly long fingers playing with his bracelets distract Zayn from his earnest eyes.
“Can you just… tell him that?” Harry sighs when Zayn remains silent. “I really like him, Zayn, but I need everyone to let me” he adds before stalking back out the main entrance.
Zayn bangs his head against the door a few times for good luck before pushing himself inside their apartment. Louis is sitting on the kitchen worktop looking at the door with an unreadable expression.
“How long was he there?” Zayn asks, throwing his jacket on the couch and putting the kettle on.
Louis shrugs and as Zayn edges closer to him he still has that false carefree look about him from earlier. It takes all his willpower not to clock him one.
“By the way, I was right. That girl he was with was his sister, not some hook-up. ‘Night Lou” Zayn quips before slamming into his bedroom with his tea and leaving Louis in what he hopes is an uncomfortable and embarrassed silence.
/
yellow
Zayn likes yellow. It’s a happy colour really. Sunshine is not technically yellow; he knows it’s impossible not to associate the two. Yellow is the colour of his and Louis’ first mug they bought for their apartment, the colour of Niall’s hair, the colour his fingers are starting to turn because of his smoking. He finds little specks of yellow in Liam’s eyes one day and it surprises him. Makes him supress a wide smile and he immediately gets to work on his painting.
The eyes are already perfect; he can’t help but think, but the yellow needs to be added now that he knows it’s there. He pushes any worries or thoughts out of his head and mixes his colours with gusto. Even Dave is impressed with Zayn’s mood and ethic and leaves him alone all day.
Niall is the definition of sunshine at lunch, swooping around Zayn and Louis with a shit eating grin on his face. Louis bounces off him and Zayn is thankful for the false bravado as they eat their lunch through loud laughter and vulgar jokes.
“Josh plays drums you know, he showed me yesterday” Niall sighs like a lovesick teenager, which he is, Zayn supposes and looks over at the sports shop with a dreamy expression.
“I’m sure he did” Louis smirks and the three of them giggle helplessly.
Niall hands them their bill on a yellow slip of paper and adds a smiley face at the end. Zayn brushes his thumb over it fondly and Louis smiles his first real smile in ages.
“He is such an idiot” he murmurs, watching Niall dance with Gina around the till. She is clearly trying to scold Niall to get back to work but can’t help let out the squeal of laughter as he dips her down for a kiss on the cheek.
Zayn goes to speak when a chair is scraped over to their table and Harry sits down. Zayn looks at him and holds back a laugh. Harry is wearing an obscenely yellow t-shirt with a black smiley face on it and the irony almost hurts.
Louis stiffens in his chair and if Zayn were not so comfortable he would quickly leave. That and the fact that Louis is pressing down on his foot under the table.
Harry looks at both of them, wondering who will speak first and Niall runs out to take his order. Harry waves him away, eyes boring into Louis and Niall makes a face before returning inside.
“This is awkward” Zayn announces, too giddy to care and they both shoot him a glare that, frankly, scares him.
“Did you tell him?” Harry hisses at Zayn, his hands pointing at the angry looking Louis.
“I am right here you know?” Louis pipes up and finally they both look at each other.
“Did Zayn tell you?” Harry asks through gritted teeth.
Zayn watches with amusement as Louis tries to struggle with his own stubbornness. He knows Louis wants to be angry with Harry but he knows Louis knows he has no right. It also must be very hard for him to keep up that glare with Harry’s innocent face staring at you.
“He did”
“And?”
Louis looks at Zayn. “No, don’t look at him, look at me. It’s me you’re dealing with now” Harry says and both Louis and Zayn flinch. Nobody has ever really done that before. Call them out on their co-dependency. Louis tears his eyes off Zayn’s and faces Harry with a fearful look swimming in his eyes.
“And?” Harry repeats and Zayn wonders how he can look at Louis’ eyes like that and not crumble. He is obviously stronger than Zayn. It hits Zayn then that Harry is better for Louis than he is. Louis must be feeling the same, confused as to how Harry has not bowed down to his puppy-eyed expression and just let him have his way.
“And…. Ok” Louis breathes out, unsure now as to what to say or how to act.
“Ok” Harry parrots, eyebrows rising and a faint sighting of his dimple begins to appear.
“Yes. Ok” Louis frowns but a smile is playing on his lips and now he definitely only has eyes for Harry. Zayn decides that then is a suitable time to leave, slipping off his chair and paying for their lunch, returning back to the yellow explosion in Liam’s eyes with a far brighter smile than he had this morning.
//
When Zayn left Louis at lunch, Louis had felt an odd surge of bravery. Like Zayn was that lifeline he has been clinging to but now that he has gone… he can do almost anything. He and Harry had not really discussed anything before Harry also had to return to work. They had both just kept repeating ‘ok’ until they ended up laughing at each other like idiots.
The newfound bravery is the only reason Louis can come up with to explain why he finds himself marching into the record shop Harry works in. He spots Harry’s mop of curls straight away over by the second hand instruments.
He sneaks up behind him and stands right on his toes so his mouth is level with Harry’s ear.
“Hello” he whispers and watches bursts of goose bumps rise over Harry’s pale neck.
He steadies himself with his hands on Harry’s hips and if his tongue brushes off Harry’s ear when he moistens his lips it was unintentional.
“What are you doing?” Harry whispers, eyes searching for his boss manically as his stomach pools with heat when Louis brushes his thumbs under Harry’s t-shirt.
“Something I should have done ages ago” Louis growls and licks from Harry’s shoulder back up to his ear, biting down on the lobe and squeezes Harry’s hips sharply.
Harry grabs Louis’ hands and swivels him around, making Louis have to sink back down onto his feet. He stares up at Harry whose eyes have darkened considerably and feels the urge to capture those frighteningly pink lips in his own. So he does. He pulls Harry down by the scruff of his shirt and kisses him roughly.
Harry moans into the embrace, pulling Louis even closer towards him, not giving a fuck about his boss anymore, and gladly opens his mouth when Louis’ tongue fights for entrance.
“Follow me” Harry mutters when he pulls away and scans the shop before rushing over to the supply room. Louis cocks an eyebrow and mouths “really?” grinning evilly when Harry jangles the keys in front of him.
“Well, if you don’t want to…” Harry sing-songs, starting to slip the keys back into his pocket. Louis panics and reaches out for them, groaning with frustration when Harry holds them up too high for him to reach.
“Fucking get on with it, then” Louis huffs out, pulling his t-shirt back down over his exposed belly after being up on his toes.
Harry chuckles before opening the door, dragging Louis in alongside him with a dark grin.
Before Louis can adjust to his surroundings, Harry has him pinned against the door, shoving a leg between Louis’ thighs and devouring his mouth in one swift movement.
Louis grabs his hip and hair, trying to pull him as close as possible, all while rutting against him. He lets his head fall against the door when Harry stars kissing down his neck, allowing him more access and he almost whimpers when Harry nibbles on his adams apple.
Harry lets go of him for a moment and a light switches on. Louis looks around at all the abandoned supplies; CDs, records and instruments are amongst the mess and he finds a large speaker to sit on. He opens his legs and beckons Harry over with a finger and a raised eyebrow.
Harry licks his lips and strips off, pulling his yellow t-shirt off quickly causing his curls to fall into his face in a way that makes Louis moan. He smirks at Louis before slowly unzipping his jeans and the sound of the zipper is enough to make Louis fully hard.
“Hurry up” Louis grunts, making quick work of his own t-shirt and pulls his jeans down to his knees, not even caring that his boxers are tented or that he must look desperate.
Harry only stares with a smile, shaking his hips to get his jeans over them, slowly dragging the black denim down his long legs and stepping out of them slowly. He stands there for a while, just scanning Louis and cups himself, rutting slightly until he starts to bite his lip. It drives Louis insane.
His patience gets the better of him and he hops off the speaker, walking over to Harry and pulling him back until he is bracketing him against an upright keyboard case. Harry raises his arms so they are gripping onto the case and his head is hanging down, curls tickling Louis nose and he brushes his lips slightly over Louis’.
He circles his hips and groans every time they brush against each other and speeds up, until Louis starts to moan in the back of his throat. He leaves his lips only brushing over Louis’; pulling away any time Louis tries to kiss him.
“Fucking tease” Louis breathes out, hands reaching around to cup Harry’s ass. He thrusts into Harry and the younger boy clearly had enough of teasing, because he quickly reaches down and shoves his hand down Louis’ boxers. Louis doesn’t know whether to sigh or moan with relief when Harry’s ridiculously long fingers wrap the whole way around his cock.
Harry pulls his own lips into his mouth and if his eyes weren’t dark already, they are black now. He jacks his hand a few times slowly to get Louis riled up and he succeeds. Louis’ fingers are digging into his hips when Harry drags his hand back out, only to tug on his own cock a few times. Harry stares at him as he does and Louis has never felt so turned on in his whole life. He grabs Harry’s curls and tugs him down for a crushing kiss.
They start to push against each other in a rhythm that just screams harrylouisharrylouis. It’s fast and passionate but uncertain, as if they are trying to outdo each other but in the most careful way. Louis finds it hard not to let his eyes roll in his head every time Harry swivels his hips and they grind against each other.
Harry lets huffs of breath escape his mouth and they flutter across Louis’ cheekbones, he has a firm grip on Louis’ hips and continues to rub against him in the most delicious way. Louis loses it once Harry finally opens his eyes and grins at him. That grin that everyone has become accustomed too. He decides he never wants it to leave Harry’s face and he lets out a cry of what he hopes sounds like pleasure and comes all over Harry’s cock. Harry’s eyes widen and he speeds up, thrusting sporadically against the mess Louis made and bites down on his plump lower lip.
“Styles, where the fuck are you?” they hear a loud shout from outside the door. Louis gasps and waits for Harry to pull away and for it to maybe get awkward but instead, it seems to spur Harry on. He lets go and looks at Louis like they are really fucking, makes sounds like they are really fucking and Louis has to clamp his hand over his open mouth before they’re caught.
“Styles?!” the voice shouts again and Harry bites Louis’ fingers as he comes, bucking against him until he comes down off his high.
“In here boss, be out now” he calls out, eyes twinkling as he looks down at Louis who won’t admit he is scared.
“You better hurry up, we have customers” the voice replies and Louis holds his breath, expecting Harry’s boss to come barging in to find them naked and covered in each other’s come.
“Sorry, I just like taking my time, I’m coming now” Harry calls out but his tone is laced with innuendo and he smiles lazily down at Louis and trails his hand from his ear to his lips. It’s a relatively innocent gesture but Louis shivers at the intimacy and brushes a small kiss over Harry’s fingers.
The boss does not come into the room and it gives them time to quickly clean up and get dressed, both of them giggling over what they just did and eying each other coyly.
“So I’ll see you later?” Harry says over his shoulder as he starts to open the door.
“Yep” Louis answers and tries to not sound too hopeful.
He spots Harry’s dimple before he turns to exit the room and Louis quickly slides out after him, praying to whoever can hear that nobody saw him.
/
As Zayn serves a customer he spots Louis running up the escalator and into work in a flurry of bright colour. There is a skip to his step and Zayn wonders where exactly he has been. Putting two and two together he grins, punching the air and letting out a whoop before Dave practically shoves him into his half-finished piece.
Zayn observes it silently, fighting the grin threatening to spread across his face. He never blows his own trumpet, but he can’t help admire his own work. His previous fear of adding the dash of yellow to Liam’s eyes is eradicated as he stares at the pair before him. They truly are beautiful.
When he starts to work on other aspects of the painting, he can’t fight the nagging feeling creeping up on him. This day is good, he knows that. But the way he and Liam left things rings clear in his memory.
He tries and tries to paint the shadow Liam’s jaw creates on his neck but it’s useless. He throws down his paintbrush and waves at Dave lazily before walking over to the sports shop. He has no idea what he is doing exactly, but he strides in towards the counter where Liam is usually perched.
He drums his fingers on the counter waiting for someone to show up, anticipation coursing through his veins. Josh is sitting on the case of basketballs, texting rapidly on his phone not paying any attention to Zayn at all. Other workers are dealing with customers and Liam is nowhere to be found.
Zayn starts to pace the shop looking behind pillars where Liam could possibly be. It’s not until he hears Liam’s familiar chuckle resonate from the dressing rooms that he stops in his tracks. He takes a deep breath before poking his head around the corner.
Liam is leaning against one of the stalls, that crinkly-eyed grin decorating his face in the usual breath-taking way. Zayn is about to call for his attention when the guy Zayn recognises from the party steps out from the stall. The guy who had practically sucked Liam’s soul out through his mouth. He is trying on the latest Man Utd. jersey, does a twirl for Liam and laughs when he earns himself a wolf-whistle.
“It suits you” Liam murmurs and Zayn starts to back away, bile rising in his throat. Naturally, nothing ever going Zayn’s way, he stumbles on a shoelace and falls back into a large unsteady case of various sports balls.
Everyone turns their head towards him when the balls fall out of the case and start rolling all over the shop. Zayn slips on a tennis ball in his effort to escape and ends up flat on his arse.
“Zayn?” Liam rushes over and helps him up, staring around at the stampede of balls which are causing customers to run out in fear. Josh looks delighted, laughing when people stumble or fall and starts whooping when their boss storms out of her office.
“Zayn, are you ok?” Liam asks. Zayn pushes him back. He feels self-conscious under everyone’s gaze and Liam’s is even more intense. His skin prickles from it and that asshole in the jersey is smirking at him.
“Zayn?” Liam repeats, looking hurt but still concerned. Zayn’s face is alight and his eyes dart around the shop, looking at the mess he created. Which wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t fucked things up with Liam in the first place. He starts to panic, everything becoming too much.
He holds his hands out to prevent Liam coming any further and tries to rush out, tripping over the balls rolling by his feet and nearly ending up on his arse again until he finally exits the shop. Dave is furious when he runs inside and towards the easel.
He almost rips it, almost. But Zayn doesn’t lose his temper like Louis does. He doesn’t automatically go into destruct mode. He calms himself. So he paces in front of the canvas and ignores the shining eyes that he last saw in real life looking at him with hurt. He squeezes his hands into fists and breathes in and out until his heart stops racing.
“Zayn, you really are walking a fine line here” Dave grunts but does not press the issue when Zayn’s eyes flash scarily. “Get back to work”.
And he does but it’s no longer the yellow, it’s the black. The black iris, the black shadows. He jabs the brush in violently, almost scared that he might stab a hole in his masterpiece.
He doesn’t stop until he feels Louis’ presence enter the shop and stop just at the door. He must have heard about Zayn’s embarrassing story of the day because he remains silent. Zayn can feel his eyes boring into his skin.
“So what happened with Harry?” he asks through gritted teeth.
“How did you… well… I don’t really know?” Louis stammers and Zayn has to turn around to figure it out for himself. His eyes immediately zone in a light bruise on Louis’ neck and the flush on his cheeks.
“You had sex with him in the record shop?” Zayn shouts, unable to contain his shock or amusement.
“Not full on sex, no” Louis smirks and lets himself laugh when Zayn’s eyes widen.
“Dirty bitch” Zayn snorts and puts his paintbrush down.
“That’s beautiful, Zayn” Louis gasps when Zayn steps away from the easel, staring at the scarily life-like picture of Liam that Zayn is starting to resent.
“Let’s go home” Zayn sighs, slinging an arm around the smaller boy, who curls into him instinctively. Zayn’s heart almost sinks when Harry is hovering by his car outside with a hesitant smile on his face.
Louis stands to attention but does not cower from Zayn’s hold. Zayn waits for the usual confused expression that he and Louis usually earn from potential dates but Harry only grins at Zayn before running his hands through his curls. Zayn still hates him.
“I was just going to ask you if you wanted to go out?” Harry starts and for the first time since Zayn met the kid, he sounds nervous. “I mean, out with me, like, on a date?” he finishes and turns a beetroot colour.
Zayn feels Louis fidget beside him and can hear the internal battle going on inside his head. The fear, the excitement, probably the lust and want for this boy. “Where?” Louis asks and Harry grins evilly, reminding Zayn starkly of Louis himself when he has an idea.
“You’ll have to see” Harry answers and Zayn knows that’s sold it. Louis can never resist a surprise. He starts to look up at Zayn almost like for permission, but Zayn untangles himself to begin the strife of opening his car door.
He hears Louis mutter an agreement and spots Harry’s face-splitting smile in the reflection of the window. It’s cute.
“I’ll be home later, Zayn” Louis calls over, and only Zayn could notice the question at the end. Zayn turns around and looks at him, nods with a smile before hopping into his car. When he drives beside the two, he rolls down his window and shouts “keep him safe” to no one in particular and speeds off with their laughter echoing in his head.
/
For the first time in a long time, Zayn faces an empty flat when he gets home. He is surprised he is not upset or jealous about this. Usually he would throw himself down onto the couch and mope, wishing Louis was here instead of out with some asshole. But he likes Harry and he knows he could really love his best friend the way he deserves. So instead he busies himself with cleaning and doing absolutely anything he can to block out today.
But he can’t. He keeps seeing Liam’s hurt expression when Zayn pushed him away. Zayn knows he must be confusing Liam. Fuck, he is confusing himself.
When he can find nothing else to clean, he picks up his phone and stares at Liam’s number nervously. He pretends he doesn’t already know the boys number by heart and presses the green button. He chews at a hangnail on his thumb while the dial tone abuses his ears.
“’lo?” Liam answers in a low voice and Zayn glances at the clock. It’s only nine.
Zayn gulps, panics. What if he is in bed with that absolute prick from the party. He is about to hang up but Liam already saw his caller ID, “Zayn?”
“Yeah, um, hi” Zayn answers and can’t remember the last time he took a breath.
“I can’t really talk right now, I’m babysitting” Liam explains, which explains why Liam is talking quietly and the weight in Zayn’s stomach lifts.
“Well, you can listen, right?” he imagines Liam nodding furiously “I was really out of order in the shop today. Well, I suppose I’ve been out of order a lot recently. I guess I just want to apologise and say that um, well…” and again, Zayn panics.
He wants to spill his heart out, take advantage of the fact Liam cannot really speak. But the words jump around his head in a terrifying medley and his mouth dries up.
“Well?” Liam encourages him with a whisper and Zayn can hear the ounce of hope in it and it makes him squirm.
“I’ll be finished my painting tomorrow, I want you to be the first to see it” Zayn hurries out and it’s not really true but he had to say something. He imagines Liam nodding again, this time with that shy smile on his face.
“Ok so, I don’t know whether you are agreeing or not but if you are, stop by the shop when you’re finished work, yeah?” and he hangs up before Liam can attempt to whisper something back. And then he rushes out of his apartment to the 24 hour shop for all the red bull he can get before returning back to work.