Sweet Valley High # 21 Runaway
Jessica’s rockin’ the Flashdance look on the cover. And I love it.
Ah. I’m so happy to be back to old-school Sweet Valley.
Elizabeth is pissed off because she can’t find her new blue silk blouse. She barges into Jessica’s pigsty and tells her to hand it over. Jess is blasé, but gives Liz the blouse back. Elizabeth tells Jessica that Steven is home from school for the rest of the semester. He is still mourning Tragic Tricia and can’t concentrate on his studies. Thanks to Tragic Tricia Martin and Sickly Stacey McGill I spent my youth convinced that I had some horrible disease. Anyway, Jessica is embarrassed by the way she treated Trashy Tricia before she died. Elizabeth says that they have to be extra nice to Steve and tells Jessica to ask him to go as her date to Cara Walker’s party Friday night. Jessica, understandably, is not crazy about the idea since she tried to get Steven and Cara together back in the day. Liz says she will give Jess her new silk blouse if she does it. Jess agrees. Sweet Valley must be the silk blouse capital of the world.
That night at dinner, the entire family tries to cheer Steven up by making him his favorite food. Apparently Steven’s favorite foods are pot roast, peas and salad. I can maybe accept the pot roast, but peas and salad? Jessica asks Steve about Cara’s party and he throws a shit fit. The Wakefield parents pile on. Elizabeth comes to the rescue by saying that actually it was her idea for Jess to ask Steven to go to the party. Everyone’s like, "Well, if it was Liz’s idea I guess it’s alright. It was pretty thoughtful, really. What an awesome idea Liz!" Jessica is sick and tired of everyone adoring her kiss-ass of a sister. Don’t write the recap for me Jess! She leaves to meet Cara at the Dairy Burger. They order a couple of Tab’s and Jessica flirts with the school bad boy, Nicky Shepard.
The next night at the party, Jessica is being brought down by killjoy Steven. Everyone else is having a blast eating hors d’oeuvres and playing Trivial Pursuit. Then…wait. Huh? What the fuck kind of sixteen year old enjoys a party of hors d’ oeuvres and board games? What’s going on? WHERE’S LILA? Liz twitters around in her new blouse (I thought she gave it to Jessica?) making sweet, sweet (conversational) love to Todd, who’s wearing slacks and a tweed coat. Jessica thinks it’s disgusting. Get out of my head Jess! Caroline Pierce, the recovering gossip, comes over to compliment Jess on how awesome her sister is. Jessica runs outside to the bathhouse. Well, of course. When I’m upset, I often chill out in our bathhouse. Christ.
Surprise, Surprise, bad-boy Nicky is there sitting in the dark smoking a cig. Nicky’s not much of a bad-boy if he’s at a party where the kids sit around playing Trivial Pursuit in cocktail attire. Nicky tells Jess all about his depression. His parents don’t care about him. He’s a sensitive bad-boy. Jessica talks about rainbows and bunnies and stuff. Nicky asks, "What television show have you been living in?" Sing it with me! Jessica tells Nicky that her life isn’t perfect- her brother’s in the Bell-Jar and Elizabeth is her twin sister. They make out and go back to the party.
Jessica and Nicky dry hump on the dance floor. Lila finally shows up to tell Liz about her sister and Bad-boy Nicky. She twists the knife by telling Liz to write it up for Eyes and Ears. Liz jumps up to tell Jessica to take Steven home. Jessica tells her that Steve can drive himself home- she’s going out with Nicky. Elizabeth disapproves. Jessica tells Liz not to waste her time looking out for her because after all, "You’ve got the rest of the world to look out for." Jessica goes to get her sweater and Liz tells Steven to ask her to go out for pizza. She can’t do it herself, I guess because she’s got the rest of the world to look out for. Jessica blows them off.
The next morning, Jessica is all quiet and helpful, letting Liz have the car, and washing the brunch dishes. Elizabeth is worried about her good-for-nothing sister’s new sense of compliance.
Monday afternoon, Liz and Steve go to the mall and talk about Jessica. Steve thinks he should apologize for jumping on her about Cara’s party. Liz agrees. They go to Casey’s for ice cream. There is no school in Sweet Valley this week, although the book never says why. It’s not Spring Break or Christmas Break. Maybe there’s a special Sweet Valley only holiday. Silk Blouse week. Bizarro Party week. No Need to Pretend we have a Timeline week.
After getting home from the mall, Steve talks to Jessica by the Wakefield’s pool. He tries to apologize but Jessica knows that he was sent by Elizabeth and she’s having none of it. Jessica feels bad about Steven and about herself and decides to make dinner for the fam. She makes roast chicken, rice and vegetables and pours wine for her parents. I wish I had a Jessica. They sit down to eat and automatically start making fun of Jess. Apparently, the last time she made dinner for them she gave them food poisoning. They spend the rest of the meal complimenting Elizabeth for her awesome awesomeness and ignoring Jessica so much that they don’t even notice when she leaves the room. Nice.
Jessica goes to see a movie by herself. WHERE’S LILA? While she is in line, she sees bad-boy Nicky. They leave in his bad-boy Mustang. He takes her to a park. It doesn’t have prostitutes or heroin addicts in it. It has a gazebo. He’s a terrible excuse for a bad-boy. Nicky tells Jessica that he’s running away to San Francisco. Be sure to wear some flowers in your hair, dude.
The next day, Elizabeth wakes Jessica up by opening her blinds. How many times does Liz do this to someone in the series? Jessica’s says, "Stop waking me up, Bitch." Well, that’s what she should say. Jessica actually says, "This is not a pleasant way to wake up." Liz tells her to get her ass out of bed so they can go to a court to support their father while he is being lawyer-like. Jessica says she’s not going- she’s got a date with bad-boy Nicky. Jessica says that if Ned really wanted her there, he’d ask her to come. Elizabeth is going because she’s going to cover the trial for the Oracle and the local newspaper. Because she’s awesome and everybody thinks so. Except Jess, who presses her face against her bedroom wall until Elizabeth leaves. Liz goes downstairs and tells her father to ask Jess to come along. Ned says he is too proud to beg and he won’t do it. They leave.
It turns out that the trial is a custody/visitation rights thing and that Liz’s friend Ricky Capaldo is at the heart of it. Ricky asks Liz not to spread his private life all over the local news. Liz considers his request. Then ignores it.
Jessica is out with bad-boy Nicky. They go to Nicky’s friend’s house outside of Sweet Valley. Jessica is freaked out by the way Nicky’s friends party. They drink bear! And eat pizza! Jessica wonders where the hors d’ oeuvres and board games are. She’s relieved when Nicky turns down a joint that is passed to him. Pot can lead to cocaine which can lead to the tragic deaths of formerly deaf girls. Just Say No! Jess and Nicky go outside and share all their sad no-one-loves-me troubles with each other. Nicky says that she should run away with him. Jessica is charmed enough by this that she gets into a car with him even though she knows he’s plowed through a six-pack. It’s hard to feel sorry for ya Jess, when you act like such a dumb-ass. Anyway, Nicky drives too fast, swerves and runs red lights before plowing into a telephone pole. Jessica is okay but shaky, and she gets shakier when Nicky’s parents show up and are horrible assholes.
Jessica gets home and daydreams about she and Nicky living in a gorgeous little apartment, overlooking the bay in San Francisco. Nicky will be a successful business man. Huh? He almost killed you in a car accident an hour ago, Jess. What drunken, uneducated, bad-boy business do you expect him to get into?
Jessica goes downstairs the next morning to talk to her parents about how she’s been feeling. They blow her off and go to work. She tries to talk to Steve. He blows her off and goes jogging. Lila calls but Jess blows her off. Liz shows up wearing a suit and a silk blouse. Jessica tells Elizabeth that she needs to talk to her. Elizabeth has to go do something newspaper-y. She leaves. For some reason this makes Jess feel bad about that time Elizabeth was in a coma, and that time Elizabeth was kidnapped by Creepy Hospital Man. Nicky calls and tells Jess that he’s leaving for San Francisco tonight and that she can take the bus and join him tomorrow. The bus? That is so undignified. She agrees anyway.
Friday morning Jessica wakes up and cleans her room and packs her stuff in a couple of suitcases. She writes Elizabeth a note. The best part of the note is when Jessica tells Liz, "There are a lot of reasons why I’m going. It isn’t just your fault. You can’t help being the way you are." Bwah! She also tells Liz that she is leaving her new jeans behind because they make her look fat. Okay. Jessica takes her suitcases and leaves, slamming the door and causing the note to fall behind her dresser.
Ned and Liz are at the boring-as-hell B-story court case. Ned wins and Ricky Capaldo forgives Elizabeth and blah. They go home. Elizabeth walks into Jessica’s room and finds it spotlessly clean! Then she looks in the closet and it’s empty! Empty? There is no way in hell Jessica fit her entire wardrobe into two suitcases. Elizabeth screams. She runs downstairs and tells her parents. They tell Liz that Jessica is at Lila’s for the weekend. Liz makes them go up to Jess’s room and they too, are horrified by how clean it is. Liz calls Lila. Lila tells Liz that Jessica isn’t there. Steven thinks Jessica just might be with bad-boy Nicky. Elizabeth and Ned go to Nicky’s house and talk to his mother. She doesn’t know where Nicky is and doesn’t care either.
Jessica, meanwhile, is on a disgusting bus letting an old lady snore on her shoulder. She is pissed that Liz didn’t react to her letter, and more convinced then ever that her family doesn’t care about her.
At home, Steven calls his old friend Joe Seegar. Joe apparently knows Nicky. Joe tells Steve that Nicky is in San Francisco. Ned and Alice go to find Jessica at the airport and Steven and Liz go to the bus station.
Steve and Liz discover that the last bus to San Francisco has already left. They find out that the bus’s next stop is in Carver City. They drive to Carver City. They intercept the bus. Liz screams, "Jess, please, please don’t leave us! The twins’ hug and kiss and slobber all over each other. Steven grabs Jessica’s two GIANT suitcases and they go home.
Jessica reunites with the rest of the clan at home and they have a Very Brady Moment. Jessica writes to Nicky to tell him that she’s never ever leaving Sweet Valley. Ever.
I thought that this was the worst running-away story ever until I read Whose to Blame? Elizabeth’s running-away story. I didn’t know from lame. And I’ll be recapping that crappy gem shortly!