SVU #27: Elizabeth and Todd Forever
Autobiographical Note: This was, perhaps, my favourite Sweet Valley book when I was twelve. The name! The heartbreak! If only one day I am lucky enough to score a guy who will break up with me when I won't have sex with him, thought young daniellafromage, then surely that will be the happiest day of my life!
I've told this story on my LiveJournal before but I'm going to tell it again here: when I was a preteen, I used to read the SVU books and cry bitter, bitter tears about the epic love between Elizabeth and Todd, while listening to Turn Back Time by Aqua. I'm not proud of myself, you guys, but that's the way it was. I remember wondering, misty-eyed, whether the Aqua songwriters were big Sweet Valley fans. How else, I thought to myself, could they sum up Liz and Todd's relationship so succinctly?
As you can probably guess, I'm pretty excited about this one!
Who is that guy on the cover? I mean, obviously it's Todd. But it's clearly not either of the Todds from the TV show. He's kind of cute, although his hair isn't floppy enough. This dude clearly isn't into whales and calligraphy. He doesn't even punch anyone in this book! I dub this Todd "Bizarro Todd". However, I'm geekily excited to see that whoever did the costuming remembered to give Liz a watch.
Because you guys need some background info: At the end of the last book, Liz and Bizarro Todd totally made out! Yeah! ("Yeah!" - Twelve-year-old daniellafromage) She'd broken up with Tom Watts because his father tried to rape her. It says in this book that he was just "coming onto her", but let's face it: this is Sweet Valley. Whatever time of day it is, you know it's going to be Rape O'Clock. Meanwhile, Bizarro Todd and his current girlfriend, Gin-Yung Suh, agreed to see other people while she was on an internship in London.
Also: I googled for information about the previous book and apparently when they made out at the end of the last book, Bizarro Todd was wearing nothing but green boxers! Scandalous!
A plot
We start with Liz running into Bizarro Todd at the Organic Palace, which is apparently an organic health food store in Sweet Valley. Liz wonders if the fact that they met here means that they are meant to be together. Because...nothing says True Love like a broccoli shake? Liz hilariously thinks to herself, "Get a grip, girl. [Bizarro] Todd's just a friend, remember? People kiss all the time - it's an innocent sign of affection. All you did was kiss...as friends." I know that whenever I meet up with my pals, the first thing I do is slip them a bit of tongue. ("Grown-ups are weird." - Twelve-year-old daniellafromage)
Anyway. There's some awkward flirting ("If I had to be body-checked by anyone, I'm glad it was you," smoothes Bizarro Todd), with neither of them wanting to bring up their kiss from the previous book. Liz snottily thinks about how Bizarro Todd changed at the beginning of the academic year by wanting to have sex with her. Bizarro Todd tells Liz that he can't believe that she and Jessica are identical twins, because he's only had eighteen years to figure it out. They're both idiots. ("Your mom." - Twelve-year-old daniellafromage) No, your mom.
Bizarro Todd asks if she's heard from Tom, and Liz freaks out and runs away. God, why does Liz even still want to be with Tom? If a guy I was dating accused me of making up an attempted rape, I'd never want to see him again. ("Yeah! Liz and Todd are totes OTP!!" - Twelve-year-old daniellafromage) That, um, wasn't quite my point, you know. ("Squeeeeeeeeeeee!" - Twelve-year-old daniellafromage)
Anyway, Bizarro Todd chases after her, and suddenly Yesterday by the Beatles is blaring out from loudspeakers. I have no idea why, as this is meant to be ten o'clock at night. They slow-dance in the car-park. How romantic. Is that what I mean? No, wait a minute - the words I wanted were "incredibly weird".
Gin-Yung calls up Bizarro Todd from London. They have an awkward conversation and Bizarro Todd thinks about how they've drifted apart. That's because he's Bizarro! But seriously, he's going to feel pretty bad about this when she dies from a brain tumour. (Spoiler!) In the next scene, Liz eats her feelings. Because she isn't size six anymore, and everyone larger than size six spends all their time stuffing their faces.
Liz and Bizarro Todd have lunch together and reminisce about the old times. They think about the time that they rescued Jessica from Club X, except I just recapped that book and that totally didn't happen, so whatever. Then Liz guilt-trips him about Lauren Hill, the girl he slept with in their first week at SVU. Oh, God, it's suddenly hit me how long these characters have been dating each other and they still haven't had sex! Can you feel sexually frustrated on behalf of a fictional couple? They hold hands and smile at each other.
Tom wanders over and says that Liz is poison and Liz cries. Bizarro Todd comforts her and offers to take her to a movie, and suggests an old Laurel and Hardy film. Oh, no, he does not. This book was published in 1997. Bizarro Todd maybe offers to take her to see Titanic and to cover her eyes during the nudity scenes, but really I think it's more likely that he invites her over to play Donkey Kong on his Nintendo 64. ("No! Shut up! Todd is romantic and awesome!" - Twelve-year-old daniellafromage) I guess Bizarro Todd - true to his nature - just does things a little differently.
But whatever, Liz and Bizarro Todd head off to see Casablanca, which is about as far removed from Laurel and Hardy as I can imagine. Liz gets annoyed by Bizarro Todd, who starts talking in the film, and I have to admit that I'm with her on this one. She loses points, though, for having a crush on Bogart's character. Then she starts to cry because Tom hates her. I get that you're sad, Liz, but the guy also thought that you were lying about an attempted rape. I wouldn't cry too much over him, is all I'm sayin'.
Liz tells Bizarro Todd that she doesn't want to date him. Go, Liz! Then she changes her mind, and tells him she does. Boo, Liz! Bizarro Todd: "ME AM UNDERSTANDING YOUR CONSTANT CHANGING OF MIND, ELIZABETH WAKEFIELD."
Gin-Yung scene. Notable for the fact that she's staying opposite the British Museum and can see Russell Square nearby, which is entirely possible, although Gin-Yung must be paying a fortune in accommodation fees. She and her roommate go to some place called Avalon for some health food. What is with this ghost-writer and health food?
Liz is studying for a history class. She notes, "Old Henry had gone through wives like tissues." I want to make a masturbation joke so, so badly. Jessica interrupts her, so she goes to see Bizarro Todd instead. Liz happily notes that Bizarro Todd has showered. I love Liz's low standards. Then they make out! ("Yessssss!" Twelve-year-old daniellafromage) Then Liz has flashbacks to Tom's father rubbing her thigh. So she and Bizarro Todd make out again.
Liz and Bizarro Todd go to a retro fifties diner which sounds exactly like the way I always imagined the Dairi Burger to be. Now I feel all weird and self-conscious. Liz and Todd make out with Unforgettable by Nat King Cole playing in the background, and even I have to admit that I kind of like this scene. Liz thinks, "Todd and I belong together."
Bizarro Todd tells Liz a joke, which ends, "So the dog turned to the mother cat and said, 'Sorry! I didn't mean to hurt your felines!'" If anyone else were recapping this book, there would probably be snark about that line. But fuck it. I've long loved the pun. Bizarro Todd, you're all right with me. Liz looks out of the window and sees Tom standing there in the rain, looking sadly at her and Bizarro Todd. ("Ha! Eat dirt, Tom Watts! You're sooo pathetic!" - Twelve-year-old daniellafromage) This totally doesn't make sense within the context of the B plot, I should note. Liz cries and she and Bizarro Todd break up. Again.
I'm in two minds about this. I do understand that it must be weird for Liz to be dating someone else straight away after dating Tom for so long, especially if that someone is Bizarro Todd. On the other hand, Liz's insistence that she needs a boyfriend is crazy! She's eighteen years old! She doesn't need to be dating people! Is there any book where she hasn't had a love interest on the horizon? At least Jessica had those "wacky" subplots in the SVH years, like Tofu-Glo. (I can't believe that I just referred to the Tofu-Glo subplot in a positive light.)
In London, Gin-Yung cries over Bizarro Todd. Apparently there's going to be a major women's "soccer" game, and Gin-Yung is signed up to cover it. She feels that she should be excited: This kind of thing made front-page news in Europe. Oh, ghost-writer. I'm sorry you think that anyone in Europe even cares about women's football.
Liz sees Tom with a girl at a poetry reading and decides that she wants to date Bizarro Todd. AGAIN. Bizarro Todd is down with that. Bizarro Todd is a lot more patient than I would be. I think even Regular Todd would've punched a few people into the pool by this point. This is why this Todd is Bizarro, I guess.
Gin-Yung comes home to Sweet Valley early - presumably because of Bizarro Todd. Guys, please don't do this. If you suspect that your boyfriend is cheating on you while you're away, please don't rush back home to see if it's true. Gin-Yung has wasted half a semester in London doing a course she didn't complete, and she can't even put it down on her CV, because all her prospective employers will ask her why she didn't complete it, and then what will she say?
(Answer: Probably nothing, because of the whole brain tumour thing. But you know what I mean.) ("I'm conflicted!" - Twelve-year-old daniellafromage)
And apparently the next book is called Elizabeth's Heartbreak. What a fucking downer for twelve-year-old me.
B plot
Tom is listening to Miles Davis! I never realised that he was into jazz. That's pretty cool, even if Davis isn't quite my thing. I might have to reconsider my seething hatred of him left over from my days as a rabid Liz/Todd shipper. ("Bitch, no!" - Twelve-year-old daniellafromage)
Actually, it might not be Tom's music, as he's hanging out at his biological father's house. For years Tom thought that the man who had raised him was his father, but it turned out that Mr. Watts was just his stepfather. Liz found this out a couple of books ago, and managed to track down Tom's biological father and reunite the two of them. I'm begging somebody to recap that book, because I would just love to be reminded how Liz gets her hands on this information.
Anyway, Tom also has a half-brother and a half-sister. They're not very important to the story, so I'm just going to call them Boy and Girl. Tom is babysitting Boy and Girl when his part of the storyline begins. Apparently he is crazy about his siblings, but I'm not so sure. He spends most of his time raving about Mr. Conroy's taste and wealth, especially his condo where the windows look out onto "amazing city views". I assume that this condo is not in Sweet Valley, where all the condo windows look out onto doppelgangers and racism.
Tom plays with Boy and Girl and decides that he's going to revert to his old lifestyle, where he called himself "Wildman Watts" and spent all his time partying. ("Boo!" - Twelve-year-old daniellafromage) Whatever. It's not like he's John Pfeifer.
Mr. Conroy comes home and asks Tom if he's ready to talk about Liz. Tom says no, and he can't understand why Liz would "slander such a good man's name". God, I hate Tom. Not that I don't think it was a tough situation for him - no one wants to hear that someone they care about tried to rape someone. But Jesus. Leaving aside the fact that clearly he doesn't know Liz very well if he thinks that she'd make that sort of accusation lightly, guys like Tom are the reason that the majority of rape-cases go unreported. Good to know you trusted your girlfriend, ass. Not.
After babysitting Boy and Girl the following afternoon - and can I just say, nice dedication towards the whole "Wildman Watts" lifestyle there - Tom runs into a hottie. Her name is Dana and she teaches Girl piano. She's also wearing a "white sleeveless pantsuit", so let's just hope that she doesn't moonlight as a fashion guru as well. ("Hey, I own an outfit like that!" - Twelve-year-old daniellafromage) Girl, you wore a black armband for two weeks when Sirius Black died. You're not allowed to say ANYTHING about fashion.
Tom goes to a party and drinks a lot of beer and dances with a lot of girls. "Rohypnol and coke?" he offers one particularly bewitching brunette. Not really. His best friend Danny shows up and bitches him out for being irresponsible. Tom says that Danny is the "Grim Reaper of frat parties". Why do I find that image so hilarious?
Anyway. Tom asks Dana out. And that's pretty much it for this storyline.
C plot
Jessica and her boyfriend, Nick Fox - no relation to Melissa, as far as I know - are hanging out on the beach. I like Nick a lot - probably because he always sounded really cute and he had a cool job. I'm easily satisfied. He's my second-favourite Jessica boyfriend, after Sam. And don't they have The Sex at some point? I don't know why that's important.
Long story short: Nick can't hang out with Jessica on Friday because he's having dinner with his parents. Jessica wants to meet them, and she blows up at Nick when he refuses. She can't understand why he doesn't want her along. I can think of a million reasons why I wouldn't want to bring along someone I'd been dating for less than a month to meet my parents (illness, death in the family, social phobia of parent, embarrassing table manners of parent, etc.), but Jessica can't, so she storms off.
Nick turns up the next day and Jessica hopes that he's brought her diamonds by way of an apology. Hee. There's my girl! ("Guys do this all the time when you're eighteen, right?" - Twelve-year-old daniellafromage) She talks him into letting her come along to see his parents with her and they make out on her bed. Maybe they have sex as well. I don't know.
Jessica goes shopping with Lila and Isabella. There's a mention of Lila's Count for no reason whatsoever, and the paragraph basically ends up reading, "Lila was married to some Italian guy but he died somehow. Now she's really, really, really rich!" Tasteful. Lila shares a story about a time she dated a guy called Kipper Ellington in Aruba and his mother thought that Kipper and Lila were going to get married after three dates. Lila was so freaked out that she left the country and didn't return the Ellington family's calls. If this isn't a real Sweet Valley book, it should be.
Isabella also shares a story about the first time she met her boyfriend's parents, but it's really boring so I'm not going to recap it. Jessica thinks that both stories are stupid and she buys a "shell pink sleeveless shift that fell just a couple of inches above the knee" with a matching coat. She thinks about how Nick said that his mother was "difficult", but she's sure that she'll charm her.
Jessica steals a cameo necklace from Liz to wear with her natty outfit. WHAT. Jessica, you disgust me. You don't deserve diamonds. Apparently Jessica found the necklace in Liz's lingerie drawer, "underneath her symmetrically folded slips". No. Comment. ("Liz is so pretty and classy!" - Twelve-year-old daniellafromage)
Anyway, Jessica speeds down the highway but she ends up running into a Lexus with the licence plate TROUBLE. An older woman gets out and she and Jessica yell at each other, and if you haven't realised that the older lady is Nick's mother, I just don't know what to do with you. Also, I want to see TROUBLE hanging out with 1BRUCE1, CHRLDR, and LILA RULES. I wish more of the Sweet Valley characters had customised number plates. I think that in my ideal world, Crazy Margo's number plate would be VLDRMRT and Liz's would be HRRY PTTR and Margo would spend all her time chasing after Liz on the highway. It would be so awesome. Why aren't I on the Sweet Valley writing team?! ("I ask myself this every day!" - Twelve-year-old daniellafromage)
Jessica and Nick's mother exchange contact information for insurance, but, strangely, not names. Anyway, Jessica gets to Nick's house, where she sees the TROUBLE car sitting outside. She actually thinks the word, "Ohmigod," and I have to admit that I thought that Conner was exaggerating when he characterised the twins as doing this in SVHSY. She decides to call Nick up from a phone box and claim that she's sick.
Nick buys it but his mother is annoyed and thinks that Jessica cancelling makes her a flake. "Ditz City!" she says. I think I love her but I can't decide. She threatens to not give her approval for the match if she doesn't meet Jessica soon. How weird and creepy. Not that I have a problem with people being close to their mothers - hey, I speak to mine on the phone every day. But Nick's, what, twenty-four, and his mother is still making decisions about who he can and can't date? I'd move town, Nick.
Jessica apologises by sending Nick's mother an enormous stuffed bear and a cutesy card. Jessica is so clueless. I love her. Things still aren't right, though. She thinks about that one time Bruce bought Lila a doughnut shop. Okay, I need to see a recap of that one. Lila suggests that Jessica call up Nick's mother to discuss the insurance with her, give her a different name, charm her over the phone, and then when they meet each other as prospective mother and daughter-in-law, Mrs. Fox will already like her. That is the stupidest idea I have ever heard for so many reasons, and it is only because I like you guys so much that I'm willing to consider the possibility that Lila might be messing with Jessica's relationship.
Anyway, Jessica goes along with it, but of course gets into a shouting match with Nick's mother almost straight away. Jessica slams the receiver down and shouts happily, "Ha! That'll teach you to mess with a pro! When it comes to verbal battle, Jessica Wakefield rules!" Then she remembers that she was meant to charm Nick's mother and I really wish that I could have been there in the room to see the look on her face. Jessica pretends to be sick to get out of another meeting and Nick's mother is gleeful. Apparently she's been betting money on Jessica flaking out again! I think I officially do love her. She thinks that Nick should date the rude girl that she's been battling with over insurance, who's a "regular wildcat". Hijinx!
Jessica reluctantly meets Nick's mother. Nick's mother is impressed by her balls and approves of her dating Nick. She tells Jessica that she has "spunk and brains". Jessica's like, "Um, okay." Then she makes out with Nick. Whoo! ("I can't wait to kiss a boy! - Twelve-year-old daniellafromage) And that's the end.
I know I made promises to various people to recap The Wakefield Legacy: The Untold Story this week, but due to Real Life, I'm not going to be online much. Sorry! I'll do my best to have the first half ready and posted early on next week. irinaauthor, you'd better not post your recap of The Evil Twin while I'm offline, or I'll chase after you with a steak knife like Crazy Margo.
I've told this story on my LiveJournal before but I'm going to tell it again here: when I was a preteen, I used to read the SVU books and cry bitter, bitter tears about the epic love between Elizabeth and Todd, while listening to Turn Back Time by Aqua. I'm not proud of myself, you guys, but that's the way it was. I remember wondering, misty-eyed, whether the Aqua songwriters were big Sweet Valley fans. How else, I thought to myself, could they sum up Liz and Todd's relationship so succinctly?
As you can probably guess, I'm pretty excited about this one!
Who is that guy on the cover? I mean, obviously it's Todd. But it's clearly not either of the Todds from the TV show. He's kind of cute, although his hair isn't floppy enough. This dude clearly isn't into whales and calligraphy. He doesn't even punch anyone in this book! I dub this Todd "Bizarro Todd". However, I'm geekily excited to see that whoever did the costuming remembered to give Liz a watch.
Because you guys need some background info: At the end of the last book, Liz and Bizarro Todd totally made out! Yeah! ("Yeah!" - Twelve-year-old daniellafromage) She'd broken up with Tom Watts because his father tried to rape her. It says in this book that he was just "coming onto her", but let's face it: this is Sweet Valley. Whatever time of day it is, you know it's going to be Rape O'Clock. Meanwhile, Bizarro Todd and his current girlfriend, Gin-Yung Suh, agreed to see other people while she was on an internship in London.
Also: I googled for information about the previous book and apparently when they made out at the end of the last book, Bizarro Todd was wearing nothing but green boxers! Scandalous!
A plot
We start with Liz running into Bizarro Todd at the Organic Palace, which is apparently an organic health food store in Sweet Valley. Liz wonders if the fact that they met here means that they are meant to be together. Because...nothing says True Love like a broccoli shake? Liz hilariously thinks to herself, "Get a grip, girl. [Bizarro] Todd's just a friend, remember? People kiss all the time - it's an innocent sign of affection. All you did was kiss...as friends." I know that whenever I meet up with my pals, the first thing I do is slip them a bit of tongue. ("Grown-ups are weird." - Twelve-year-old daniellafromage)
Anyway. There's some awkward flirting ("If I had to be body-checked by anyone, I'm glad it was you," smoothes Bizarro Todd), with neither of them wanting to bring up their kiss from the previous book. Liz snottily thinks about how Bizarro Todd changed at the beginning of the academic year by wanting to have sex with her. Bizarro Todd tells Liz that he can't believe that she and Jessica are identical twins, because he's only had eighteen years to figure it out. They're both idiots. ("Your mom." - Twelve-year-old daniellafromage) No, your mom.
Bizarro Todd asks if she's heard from Tom, and Liz freaks out and runs away. God, why does Liz even still want to be with Tom? If a guy I was dating accused me of making up an attempted rape, I'd never want to see him again. ("Yeah! Liz and Todd are totes OTP!!" - Twelve-year-old daniellafromage) That, um, wasn't quite my point, you know. ("Squeeeeeeeeeeee!" - Twelve-year-old daniellafromage)
Anyway, Bizarro Todd chases after her, and suddenly Yesterday by the Beatles is blaring out from loudspeakers. I have no idea why, as this is meant to be ten o'clock at night. They slow-dance in the car-park. How romantic. Is that what I mean? No, wait a minute - the words I wanted were "incredibly weird".
Gin-Yung calls up Bizarro Todd from London. They have an awkward conversation and Bizarro Todd thinks about how they've drifted apart. That's because he's Bizarro! But seriously, he's going to feel pretty bad about this when she dies from a brain tumour. (Spoiler!) In the next scene, Liz eats her feelings. Because she isn't size six anymore, and everyone larger than size six spends all their time stuffing their faces.
Liz and Bizarro Todd have lunch together and reminisce about the old times. They think about the time that they rescued Jessica from Club X, except I just recapped that book and that totally didn't happen, so whatever. Then Liz guilt-trips him about Lauren Hill, the girl he slept with in their first week at SVU. Oh, God, it's suddenly hit me how long these characters have been dating each other and they still haven't had sex! Can you feel sexually frustrated on behalf of a fictional couple? They hold hands and smile at each other.
Tom wanders over and says that Liz is poison and Liz cries. Bizarro Todd comforts her and offers to take her to a movie, and suggests an old Laurel and Hardy film. Oh, no, he does not. This book was published in 1997. Bizarro Todd maybe offers to take her to see Titanic and to cover her eyes during the nudity scenes, but really I think it's more likely that he invites her over to play Donkey Kong on his Nintendo 64. ("No! Shut up! Todd is romantic and awesome!" - Twelve-year-old daniellafromage) I guess Bizarro Todd - true to his nature - just does things a little differently.
But whatever, Liz and Bizarro Todd head off to see Casablanca, which is about as far removed from Laurel and Hardy as I can imagine. Liz gets annoyed by Bizarro Todd, who starts talking in the film, and I have to admit that I'm with her on this one. She loses points, though, for having a crush on Bogart's character. Then she starts to cry because Tom hates her. I get that you're sad, Liz, but the guy also thought that you were lying about an attempted rape. I wouldn't cry too much over him, is all I'm sayin'.
Liz tells Bizarro Todd that she doesn't want to date him. Go, Liz! Then she changes her mind, and tells him she does. Boo, Liz! Bizarro Todd: "ME AM UNDERSTANDING YOUR CONSTANT CHANGING OF MIND, ELIZABETH WAKEFIELD."
Gin-Yung scene. Notable for the fact that she's staying opposite the British Museum and can see Russell Square nearby, which is entirely possible, although Gin-Yung must be paying a fortune in accommodation fees. She and her roommate go to some place called Avalon for some health food. What is with this ghost-writer and health food?
Liz is studying for a history class. She notes, "Old Henry had gone through wives like tissues." I want to make a masturbation joke so, so badly. Jessica interrupts her, so she goes to see Bizarro Todd instead. Liz happily notes that Bizarro Todd has showered. I love Liz's low standards. Then they make out! ("Yessssss!" Twelve-year-old daniellafromage) Then Liz has flashbacks to Tom's father rubbing her thigh. So she and Bizarro Todd make out again.
Liz and Bizarro Todd go to a retro fifties diner which sounds exactly like the way I always imagined the Dairi Burger to be. Now I feel all weird and self-conscious. Liz and Todd make out with Unforgettable by Nat King Cole playing in the background, and even I have to admit that I kind of like this scene. Liz thinks, "Todd and I belong together."
Bizarro Todd tells Liz a joke, which ends, "So the dog turned to the mother cat and said, 'Sorry! I didn't mean to hurt your felines!'" If anyone else were recapping this book, there would probably be snark about that line. But fuck it. I've long loved the pun. Bizarro Todd, you're all right with me. Liz looks out of the window and sees Tom standing there in the rain, looking sadly at her and Bizarro Todd. ("Ha! Eat dirt, Tom Watts! You're sooo pathetic!" - Twelve-year-old daniellafromage) This totally doesn't make sense within the context of the B plot, I should note. Liz cries and she and Bizarro Todd break up. Again.
I'm in two minds about this. I do understand that it must be weird for Liz to be dating someone else straight away after dating Tom for so long, especially if that someone is Bizarro Todd. On the other hand, Liz's insistence that she needs a boyfriend is crazy! She's eighteen years old! She doesn't need to be dating people! Is there any book where she hasn't had a love interest on the horizon? At least Jessica had those "wacky" subplots in the SVH years, like Tofu-Glo. (I can't believe that I just referred to the Tofu-Glo subplot in a positive light.)
In London, Gin-Yung cries over Bizarro Todd. Apparently there's going to be a major women's "soccer" game, and Gin-Yung is signed up to cover it. She feels that she should be excited: This kind of thing made front-page news in Europe. Oh, ghost-writer. I'm sorry you think that anyone in Europe even cares about women's football.
Liz sees Tom with a girl at a poetry reading and decides that she wants to date Bizarro Todd. AGAIN. Bizarro Todd is down with that. Bizarro Todd is a lot more patient than I would be. I think even Regular Todd would've punched a few people into the pool by this point. This is why this Todd is Bizarro, I guess.
Gin-Yung comes home to Sweet Valley early - presumably because of Bizarro Todd. Guys, please don't do this. If you suspect that your boyfriend is cheating on you while you're away, please don't rush back home to see if it's true. Gin-Yung has wasted half a semester in London doing a course she didn't complete, and she can't even put it down on her CV, because all her prospective employers will ask her why she didn't complete it, and then what will she say?
(Answer: Probably nothing, because of the whole brain tumour thing. But you know what I mean.) ("I'm conflicted!" - Twelve-year-old daniellafromage)
And apparently the next book is called Elizabeth's Heartbreak. What a fucking downer for twelve-year-old me.
B plot
Tom is listening to Miles Davis! I never realised that he was into jazz. That's pretty cool, even if Davis isn't quite my thing. I might have to reconsider my seething hatred of him left over from my days as a rabid Liz/Todd shipper. ("Bitch, no!" - Twelve-year-old daniellafromage)
Actually, it might not be Tom's music, as he's hanging out at his biological father's house. For years Tom thought that the man who had raised him was his father, but it turned out that Mr. Watts was just his stepfather. Liz found this out a couple of books ago, and managed to track down Tom's biological father and reunite the two of them. I'm begging somebody to recap that book, because I would just love to be reminded how Liz gets her hands on this information.
Anyway, Tom also has a half-brother and a half-sister. They're not very important to the story, so I'm just going to call them Boy and Girl. Tom is babysitting Boy and Girl when his part of the storyline begins. Apparently he is crazy about his siblings, but I'm not so sure. He spends most of his time raving about Mr. Conroy's taste and wealth, especially his condo where the windows look out onto "amazing city views". I assume that this condo is not in Sweet Valley, where all the condo windows look out onto doppelgangers and racism.
Tom plays with Boy and Girl and decides that he's going to revert to his old lifestyle, where he called himself "Wildman Watts" and spent all his time partying. ("Boo!" - Twelve-year-old daniellafromage) Whatever. It's not like he's John Pfeifer.
Mr. Conroy comes home and asks Tom if he's ready to talk about Liz. Tom says no, and he can't understand why Liz would "slander such a good man's name". God, I hate Tom. Not that I don't think it was a tough situation for him - no one wants to hear that someone they care about tried to rape someone. But Jesus. Leaving aside the fact that clearly he doesn't know Liz very well if he thinks that she'd make that sort of accusation lightly, guys like Tom are the reason that the majority of rape-cases go unreported. Good to know you trusted your girlfriend, ass. Not.
After babysitting Boy and Girl the following afternoon - and can I just say, nice dedication towards the whole "Wildman Watts" lifestyle there - Tom runs into a hottie. Her name is Dana and she teaches Girl piano. She's also wearing a "white sleeveless pantsuit", so let's just hope that she doesn't moonlight as a fashion guru as well. ("Hey, I own an outfit like that!" - Twelve-year-old daniellafromage) Girl, you wore a black armband for two weeks when Sirius Black died. You're not allowed to say ANYTHING about fashion.
Tom goes to a party and drinks a lot of beer and dances with a lot of girls. "Rohypnol and coke?" he offers one particularly bewitching brunette. Not really. His best friend Danny shows up and bitches him out for being irresponsible. Tom says that Danny is the "Grim Reaper of frat parties". Why do I find that image so hilarious?
Anyway. Tom asks Dana out. And that's pretty much it for this storyline.
C plot
Jessica and her boyfriend, Nick Fox - no relation to Melissa, as far as I know - are hanging out on the beach. I like Nick a lot - probably because he always sounded really cute and he had a cool job. I'm easily satisfied. He's my second-favourite Jessica boyfriend, after Sam. And don't they have The Sex at some point? I don't know why that's important.
Long story short: Nick can't hang out with Jessica on Friday because he's having dinner with his parents. Jessica wants to meet them, and she blows up at Nick when he refuses. She can't understand why he doesn't want her along. I can think of a million reasons why I wouldn't want to bring along someone I'd been dating for less than a month to meet my parents (illness, death in the family, social phobia of parent, embarrassing table manners of parent, etc.), but Jessica can't, so she storms off.
Nick turns up the next day and Jessica hopes that he's brought her diamonds by way of an apology. Hee. There's my girl! ("Guys do this all the time when you're eighteen, right?" - Twelve-year-old daniellafromage) She talks him into letting her come along to see his parents with her and they make out on her bed. Maybe they have sex as well. I don't know.
Jessica goes shopping with Lila and Isabella. There's a mention of Lila's Count for no reason whatsoever, and the paragraph basically ends up reading, "Lila was married to some Italian guy but he died somehow. Now she's really, really, really rich!" Tasteful. Lila shares a story about a time she dated a guy called Kipper Ellington in Aruba and his mother thought that Kipper and Lila were going to get married after three dates. Lila was so freaked out that she left the country and didn't return the Ellington family's calls. If this isn't a real Sweet Valley book, it should be.
Isabella also shares a story about the first time she met her boyfriend's parents, but it's really boring so I'm not going to recap it. Jessica thinks that both stories are stupid and she buys a "shell pink sleeveless shift that fell just a couple of inches above the knee" with a matching coat. She thinks about how Nick said that his mother was "difficult", but she's sure that she'll charm her.
Jessica steals a cameo necklace from Liz to wear with her natty outfit. WHAT. Jessica, you disgust me. You don't deserve diamonds. Apparently Jessica found the necklace in Liz's lingerie drawer, "underneath her symmetrically folded slips". No. Comment. ("Liz is so pretty and classy!" - Twelve-year-old daniellafromage)
Anyway, Jessica speeds down the highway but she ends up running into a Lexus with the licence plate TROUBLE. An older woman gets out and she and Jessica yell at each other, and if you haven't realised that the older lady is Nick's mother, I just don't know what to do with you. Also, I want to see TROUBLE hanging out with 1BRUCE1, CHRLDR, and LILA RULES. I wish more of the Sweet Valley characters had customised number plates. I think that in my ideal world, Crazy Margo's number plate would be VLDRMRT and Liz's would be HRRY PTTR and Margo would spend all her time chasing after Liz on the highway. It would be so awesome. Why aren't I on the Sweet Valley writing team?! ("I ask myself this every day!" - Twelve-year-old daniellafromage)
Jessica and Nick's mother exchange contact information for insurance, but, strangely, not names. Anyway, Jessica gets to Nick's house, where she sees the TROUBLE car sitting outside. She actually thinks the word, "Ohmigod," and I have to admit that I thought that Conner was exaggerating when he characterised the twins as doing this in SVHSY. She decides to call Nick up from a phone box and claim that she's sick.
Nick buys it but his mother is annoyed and thinks that Jessica cancelling makes her a flake. "Ditz City!" she says. I think I love her but I can't decide. She threatens to not give her approval for the match if she doesn't meet Jessica soon. How weird and creepy. Not that I have a problem with people being close to their mothers - hey, I speak to mine on the phone every day. But Nick's, what, twenty-four, and his mother is still making decisions about who he can and can't date? I'd move town, Nick.
Jessica apologises by sending Nick's mother an enormous stuffed bear and a cutesy card. Jessica is so clueless. I love her. Things still aren't right, though. She thinks about that one time Bruce bought Lila a doughnut shop. Okay, I need to see a recap of that one. Lila suggests that Jessica call up Nick's mother to discuss the insurance with her, give her a different name, charm her over the phone, and then when they meet each other as prospective mother and daughter-in-law, Mrs. Fox will already like her. That is the stupidest idea I have ever heard for so many reasons, and it is only because I like you guys so much that I'm willing to consider the possibility that Lila might be messing with Jessica's relationship.
Anyway, Jessica goes along with it, but of course gets into a shouting match with Nick's mother almost straight away. Jessica slams the receiver down and shouts happily, "Ha! That'll teach you to mess with a pro! When it comes to verbal battle, Jessica Wakefield rules!" Then she remembers that she was meant to charm Nick's mother and I really wish that I could have been there in the room to see the look on her face. Jessica pretends to be sick to get out of another meeting and Nick's mother is gleeful. Apparently she's been betting money on Jessica flaking out again! I think I officially do love her. She thinks that Nick should date the rude girl that she's been battling with over insurance, who's a "regular wildcat". Hijinx!
Jessica reluctantly meets Nick's mother. Nick's mother is impressed by her balls and approves of her dating Nick. She tells Jessica that she has "spunk and brains". Jessica's like, "Um, okay." Then she makes out with Nick. Whoo! ("I can't wait to kiss a boy! - Twelve-year-old daniellafromage) And that's the end.
I know I made promises to various people to recap The Wakefield Legacy: The Untold Story this week, but due to Real Life, I'm not going to be online much. Sorry! I'll do my best to have the first half ready and posted early on next week. irinaauthor, you'd better not post your recap of The Evil Twin while I'm offline, or I'll chase after you with a steak knife like Crazy Margo.