Sweet Valley Kids #65: Steven's Big Crush
In honor of Valentine’s day, I’ve skipped ahead a bit so I could post this recap of Sweet Valley Kids #65: Steven’s Big Crush. There are hearts on the cover so I assume it’s appropriate for this most commercial of holidays!
I bought this book used on eBay. There’s a sticker on the inside that says “Property of Chrissy Tuck.” HI, Chrissy Tuck, if you’re out there!
The first thing you should know about this book is that it’s narrated by Steven. I know! It’s not just “oh hi, Steven” it’s like... we have to have a whole conversation with him. Hundreds of books about the twins, but he gets just one sad Sweet Valley Kids book all to himself. I don’t know if that’s a win or lose, really.
Steven starts out by saying the twins are not sweet and cute. Steven tells it like it is. He says it’s a pain to be their older brother-people are always fussing over them and it’s annoying. (As you may recall, I am a twin. And I have one sister that is two years older than me and my twin. She has confirmed this assertion.) Steven says he’s glad he’s not a twin because that means there is only one Steven. Um, Steve, even if you were a twin there’d still be only one Steven. Moving on, he says his talents are playing basketball and eating. Also accidentally shooting Jessica’s husbands.
On to the actual plot, Steven found two Valentine’s Day cards so he signed Jessica and Elizabeth’s names to them and gave them to two boys in the twins’ class as a practical joke. Now the boys will think the girls love them! Except the boys he picked were Charlie Cashman and... Todd Wilkins. Steven, do you know what you started?!? Oy.
Charlie and Jessica react predictably. Charlie teases her in front of everyone. Jessica swears she didn’t send it, and tries to grab it from him. Steven laughs. But Todd just reads his card, sighs dreamily to himself and makes plans to punch Steven later that day. (I might have been making those last two up.) In any case, he doesn’t make fun of Liz like Steven had hoped.
Jessica vows revenge.
That evening, Alice tells Steven that she has signed him up for ballroom dancing lessons. He has to wear a tie. For some reason, Steven is not excited about this; he doesn’t want to touch girls. Jess and Liz laugh at him. Later, Steven finds out his friend Bob was also signed up for dance classes. They plan to play practical jokes on the girls.
For the first lesson, Steven and Bob wear hiking boots and step on the girls’ toes intentionally. Bob gets in trouble. But Steven is paired with a girl named Tina. Steven keeps stepping on her feet but she doesn’t react. Finally, Steven asks what gives and she admits she wore steel-toed boots because they have dance lessons at her school. She’s an old pro at stepping on people’s feet. Steven decides she’s cool and not too ugly.
The next morning, Steven wakes up and goes down to breakfast. When Ned and Alice laugh at him, he discovers that Jessica has put makeup on his face while he was sleeping. I like the detail that when Ned sees Steven he spits out his coffee all over his oatmeal. Way traumatize your kid, Ned.
At the next dance lesson, Steven finds that the twins have switched his normal tie to a gag tie with smiley faces all over it. He’s embarrassed. Tina makes fun of him. Steven makes fun of her right back. Then he pulls her hair. He decides t hat they are in love.
The twins tease Steven about liking a girl, as you are legally required to do when you find out a sibling has a crush on someone.
At the next dance class, Steven pulls Tina’s hair and she gets annoyed. Steven can’t believe it! She tells the dance instructor and he makes the two of them switch partners. Steven is crushed. Now his beloved Tina is dancing with a boy named Tom. Tom is a great dancer and he never steps on the girls’ feet. It’s kind of implied that Tom is gay. It’s probably Tom McGay.
Steven finds out that Liz has tacked a photo of him and his cousin, Robin, up on the dance school bulletin board. The words “Steven Wakefield and his girlfriend” are written on it. Steven fears Tina saw this. He pouts.
Later, Steven hears the radio call-in show Desperate and Dateless (kind of mean title) when he goes downstairs to the kitchen. He decides to call and get advice. The radio guy tells him she should tell Tina he loves her. Um, won’t that make him look like a crazy stalker? He just met her. Steven doesn’t like that advice either. Even worse, Jessica and Elizabeth heard him on the radio. They make fun of him, as they are legally required to do.
Steven calls Tina’s house and hangs up when she answers. Which is also crazy stalker behavior now that I think about it. Instead, Steven decides to use the Valentine’s Day cards he used to play the joke on Jessica. He takes one out and writes a nice note to Tina telling her that he likes her. But he chickens out after Liz and Amy call for him (he thinks its Tina) and the girls make fun of him.
On Valentine’s Day, Steven goes to dance class. Bob had a brilliant idea to play a practical joke of spraying a girl with fake blood. Oh, yes, that’s hilarious. Because he’s stupid, Steven dumps the fake blood on Tina and she wails that she hates him and runs off. Steven is sad. Bob makes fun of him for liking a girl.
Bob is a really crappy friend. No wonder we never hear from him again.
Steven goes back to Casa de Wakefield to get the dance class directory so he can find out where Tina lives. (I assume this directory is provided by Stalkers R Us.) Liz and Jess see him and find his Valentine and make fun of him. They follow him and mock him as he walks to Tina’s house.
Finally, Steven finds the right house and a girl answers the door. Steven tells her that he is sorry about dance class, gives her the valentine and says he likes her. But the girl says that she is Gina, not Tina. Tina and Gina are identical twins! That’s… really random. Is everyone a twin is Sweet Valley? And why didn’t Gina go to dance class? Embarrassed, Steven runs home.
RANDOM ASIDE: I think it should be illegal to give identical twins rhyming names. Too cutesy poo.
When Steven gets back to Casa de Wakefield, Molly (the twins’ babysitter) says a girl stopped by with a valentine for Steven. It’s from Tina. That’s cute and all but I’m hung up on the fact that the twins’ babysitter didn’t seem to notice they left the house a whole chapter ago? I mean, Margo was a better babysitter than that.
Anyway, Steven reads Tina's valentine and sighs dreamily to himself. Steven decides that twin sisters are terrible but not all twins are terrible.
Um, and that’s the end. Really? No scene where Tina and Steven confess their pre-adolescent love to one another? Lame.
ANYWAY. These are the FABULOUS valentine’s Steven and Tina wrote for one another. I’m sure you’ll want to copy them exactly for your significant other on Valentine’s Day!
Dear Tina,
I think you’re very pretty. I like you.
Happy Valentine’s Day.
Steven.
Dear Steven,
Even though you act stupid sometimes, I still like you.
Happy Valentine’s Day,
Tina.
I bought this book used on eBay. There’s a sticker on the inside that says “Property of Chrissy Tuck.” HI, Chrissy Tuck, if you’re out there!
The first thing you should know about this book is that it’s narrated by Steven. I know! It’s not just “oh hi, Steven” it’s like... we have to have a whole conversation with him. Hundreds of books about the twins, but he gets just one sad Sweet Valley Kids book all to himself. I don’t know if that’s a win or lose, really.
Steven starts out by saying the twins are not sweet and cute. Steven tells it like it is. He says it’s a pain to be their older brother-people are always fussing over them and it’s annoying. (As you may recall, I am a twin. And I have one sister that is two years older than me and my twin. She has confirmed this assertion.) Steven says he’s glad he’s not a twin because that means there is only one Steven. Um, Steve, even if you were a twin there’d still be only one Steven. Moving on, he says his talents are playing basketball and eating. Also accidentally shooting Jessica’s husbands.
On to the actual plot, Steven found two Valentine’s Day cards so he signed Jessica and Elizabeth’s names to them and gave them to two boys in the twins’ class as a practical joke. Now the boys will think the girls love them! Except the boys he picked were Charlie Cashman and... Todd Wilkins. Steven, do you know what you started?!? Oy.
Charlie and Jessica react predictably. Charlie teases her in front of everyone. Jessica swears she didn’t send it, and tries to grab it from him. Steven laughs. But Todd just reads his card, sighs dreamily to himself and makes plans to punch Steven later that day. (I might have been making those last two up.) In any case, he doesn’t make fun of Liz like Steven had hoped.
Jessica vows revenge.
That evening, Alice tells Steven that she has signed him up for ballroom dancing lessons. He has to wear a tie. For some reason, Steven is not excited about this; he doesn’t want to touch girls. Jess and Liz laugh at him. Later, Steven finds out his friend Bob was also signed up for dance classes. They plan to play practical jokes on the girls.
For the first lesson, Steven and Bob wear hiking boots and step on the girls’ toes intentionally. Bob gets in trouble. But Steven is paired with a girl named Tina. Steven keeps stepping on her feet but she doesn’t react. Finally, Steven asks what gives and she admits she wore steel-toed boots because they have dance lessons at her school. She’s an old pro at stepping on people’s feet. Steven decides she’s cool and not too ugly.
The next morning, Steven wakes up and goes down to breakfast. When Ned and Alice laugh at him, he discovers that Jessica has put makeup on his face while he was sleeping. I like the detail that when Ned sees Steven he spits out his coffee all over his oatmeal. Way traumatize your kid, Ned.
At the next dance lesson, Steven finds that the twins have switched his normal tie to a gag tie with smiley faces all over it. He’s embarrassed. Tina makes fun of him. Steven makes fun of her right back. Then he pulls her hair. He decides t hat they are in love.
The twins tease Steven about liking a girl, as you are legally required to do when you find out a sibling has a crush on someone.
At the next dance class, Steven pulls Tina’s hair and she gets annoyed. Steven can’t believe it! She tells the dance instructor and he makes the two of them switch partners. Steven is crushed. Now his beloved Tina is dancing with a boy named Tom. Tom is a great dancer and he never steps on the girls’ feet. It’s kind of implied that Tom is gay. It’s probably Tom McGay.
Steven finds out that Liz has tacked a photo of him and his cousin, Robin, up on the dance school bulletin board. The words “Steven Wakefield and his girlfriend” are written on it. Steven fears Tina saw this. He pouts.
Later, Steven hears the radio call-in show Desperate and Dateless (kind of mean title) when he goes downstairs to the kitchen. He decides to call and get advice. The radio guy tells him she should tell Tina he loves her. Um, won’t that make him look like a crazy stalker? He just met her. Steven doesn’t like that advice either. Even worse, Jessica and Elizabeth heard him on the radio. They make fun of him, as they are legally required to do.
Steven calls Tina’s house and hangs up when she answers. Which is also crazy stalker behavior now that I think about it. Instead, Steven decides to use the Valentine’s Day cards he used to play the joke on Jessica. He takes one out and writes a nice note to Tina telling her that he likes her. But he chickens out after Liz and Amy call for him (he thinks its Tina) and the girls make fun of him.
On Valentine’s Day, Steven goes to dance class. Bob had a brilliant idea to play a practical joke of spraying a girl with fake blood. Oh, yes, that’s hilarious. Because he’s stupid, Steven dumps the fake blood on Tina and she wails that she hates him and runs off. Steven is sad. Bob makes fun of him for liking a girl.
Bob is a really crappy friend. No wonder we never hear from him again.
Steven goes back to Casa de Wakefield to get the dance class directory so he can find out where Tina lives. (I assume this directory is provided by Stalkers R Us.) Liz and Jess see him and find his Valentine and make fun of him. They follow him and mock him as he walks to Tina’s house.
Finally, Steven finds the right house and a girl answers the door. Steven tells her that he is sorry about dance class, gives her the valentine and says he likes her. But the girl says that she is Gina, not Tina. Tina and Gina are identical twins! That’s… really random. Is everyone a twin is Sweet Valley? And why didn’t Gina go to dance class? Embarrassed, Steven runs home.
RANDOM ASIDE: I think it should be illegal to give identical twins rhyming names. Too cutesy poo.
When Steven gets back to Casa de Wakefield, Molly (the twins’ babysitter) says a girl stopped by with a valentine for Steven. It’s from Tina. That’s cute and all but I’m hung up on the fact that the twins’ babysitter didn’t seem to notice they left the house a whole chapter ago? I mean, Margo was a better babysitter than that.
Anyway, Steven reads Tina's valentine and sighs dreamily to himself. Steven decides that twin sisters are terrible but not all twins are terrible.
Um, and that’s the end. Really? No scene where Tina and Steven confess their pre-adolescent love to one another? Lame.
ANYWAY. These are the FABULOUS valentine’s Steven and Tina wrote for one another. I’m sure you’ll want to copy them exactly for your significant other on Valentine’s Day!
Dear Tina,
I think you’re very pretty. I like you.
Happy Valentine’s Day.
Steven.
Dear Steven,
Even though you act stupid sometimes, I still like you.
Happy Valentine’s Day,
Tina.