SVHSY #39: Best of Enemies
Image from the closet
It's ironic that my first recap is for a SV series I didn't read in my youth. What can I say, I'm old skool. I read Twins, High, and University, but I stopped around the bitchy cheerleader arc (man, I loved that one. A++ recap, guys) . I totally missed Senior Year. In fact, until I found this comm, I didn't even know it existed. So when I found a bunch of SVHSY books at a library book sale, I had to buy them. Now, all I know about SVHSY I learned from this community, so I'm going in blind, folks. But since it is Sweet Valley and not a JJ Abrams show, I made it through without too much confusion.
I read "Best of Enemies" first because it looked really Mean Girls-esque, and who can resist that? Turns out I picked a winner! This one's got
• A dance!
• Outfit descriptions!
• A party!
• A date rapist!
• Magic vodka rum!
• Meddling Wakefields!
• Jeffrey Jeff French!
• O HAI Steven!
Sadly, no Todd punch or pool push, but you can't have everything.
Oh, and what kind of recap would it be without snarking on the cover? Jessica's looking at Melissa like, "Ew, you totally got that at Sears" and Melissa's like, "Bitch, please. I saw you shopping the sale rack at Ross." Even more disturbing, I think I had that shirt Melissa's wearing, and I may actually have bought it at Sears.
A Plot
One of my favorite things about this book is how we have a reversal of the usual Elizabeth-meddles-in-everyone's-life by having Jessica meddle instead. I have to admit it threw me off, because that meant Jess committing very Liz-like behavior, and do we really need two of them? I miss sociopathic Jess. In fact, Liz is barely present at all, save for a few cameos which serve little purpose but to remind us that she exists. I was even deprived of the "so alike but so different!" info dump I've grown so fond of. Woe.
The book opens with diary entries in different handwriting fonts. I would soon find out that nearly every chapter opens with one of these. How BSC of them. Fortunately, the SVHers' writing is easier to read than Claudia's, and with better spelling, thank Bob. Reading a Claudia entry was like trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics. But I digress. Jess and Tia ramble on about nothing, then Alanna delivers an "as you know, Bob" infodump filling us in on what happened in the last book. More on Alanna in the C plot.
So we meet Will, who I gather is the It Boy of SVH (for some reason, I keep picturing him as Whitney on Smallville, complete with varsity jacket-hey, it's still SVH! Awesome). Will apparently works at the Daily Planet Tribune with some hot college chick named Erika. Earlier, Will's gf Melissa walked in on Will and Erika kissing. Will spent the weekend trying to get Melissa back, but it didn't work. Will waxes poetic about his and Melissa's history for a while, so busted up over it that he promptly forgets all about her to scam on Erika, who asks him out.
We then meet Melissa, who is like the Regina George of SVH. She's even rocking a black leather skirt. Sadly, her cashmere sweater does not say "a little bit dramatic" on it. Melissa is completely shallow and vapid, if her chapter-opening diary entry is anything to go by. Apparently, Aaron Samuels Will should want her back because she's hot and she's popular. What, nothing about her dazzling personality? Melissa orchestrates a series of opportunities to "bump into" Will, but he continues to ignore her. When she finally corners him in the gym, he totally dumps her in front of his friends. Ouch. And she was half a virgin when she met him!
At cheerleader practice, the coach (they have adult supervision now? Wow, news to me) informs the girls that a wealthy donor has basically blackmailed them-hold a President's Day dance or no donation for you! To add insult to injury, the cheerleaders have to throw this whole shindig together by Friday. There are a myriad of reasons why this plot twist is preposterous, but seeing as we get a dance out of it, I can't complain. After all, it's not SVH without a dance!
So the coach breaks them into groups and assigns each group a task. Jessica is partnered with Melissa and they are in charge of music. I get the impression that Jess and Melissa are arch nemesises, so naturally, this flies about as well as the Hindenburg. Jessica tries to talk her way out of it, but the coach says no dice. Jessica volunteers to do all the work in order to avoid any future contact with Melissa. Melissa, unlike Jess, is not a moron, and agrees to it.
Back to Will, who calls Erika and gets her bitchy roommate instead. His buddy Josh calls immediately afterward. Will tells him that he and Melissa are dunzo, and that he's taking Erika to the dance. Drama!
Finally, a scene with our fave twinsies! Jessica bitches to Liz about having to do all the work for Melissa, and Liz is like, "You moron, call her and make her do her share!" Jess calls Melissa, who tells her that she has already set up auditions for bands in the gym tomorrow. Jess is pissed. Not to be outdone, she gets Steven and her bf Jeremy to advertise the auditions at SVU and Big Mesa, respectively. Because college bands are just dying to play a high school dance. But then, this is SVU we're talking about.
Back to Melissa. It's lunchtime in the SVU cafeteria, and she goes to join the rest of the SVH plastics. Everyone's talking about the dance, and Melissa tries to play it off, telling them she dumped Will and why don't they all ditch the dance? But her friends know better. Apparently, Josh's hair isn't as full of secrets as I thought, because they all found out that Will dumped Melissa. It's also revealed that they made plans to go to the dance without her. Melissa is like, "Fine, you can walk home, bitches!" and stalks off.
The band auditions are predictably godawful. Jess's old classmate from junior high, Ronald Rheece (for those of you in the know, was he ever mentioned in a previous SV series? I don't recall him being in Twins or High, but I haven't read JH or the Unicorn Club) swoops in and saves the day. Turns out Ronald's the Clark Kent to DJ Diggory Venn's Superman. I'm so calling him Cedric from now on. Jess takes Cedric's audition CD, but Melissa thinks he's lame. Then they overhear a couple of Will's friends gossiping about Will and Erika (look out, Caroline Pierce... you have been dethroned!). Melissa is crushed, but tries to hide it. Jess offers her a Kleenex and asks if she wants to go to Taco Bell. Melissa is like, "God, Jessica, you are so stupid!" and ditches her.
Will asks Erika to the dance and she says yes. Meanwhile, Melissa is in her room being emo. She calls her friend Gina to corroborate the rumor that Will is taking Erika to the dance. Gina not only confirms it, but lets it slip that Will and Erika are going with them. Gina's call waiting beeps. Melissa's like, "boo, you whore" and hangs up. She emos a bit and considers calling Jessica because of her kind offer of Kleenex and Taco Bell. But she doesn't. Instead, she thinks back to her earlier suicide attempt (OMG, I missed a suicide attempt? SVHSY, where have you been all my life?) and wonders if anyone would care if she succeeded this time. Someone get this girl a MySpace!*
*Not making fun of teen suicide, guys... just the way it's portrayed in SVH.
Jessica listens to Cedric's audition CD. All you sucka MCs ain't got nothin' on Ceddy! At a cheerleader meeting the next day, Jessica announces her decision to hire him for the dance. It will save them money so everyone approves. Jessica, who is officially worried seeing as Melissa didn't cut a bitch for not consulting her, approaches Lila after practice and asks about Melissa. Apparently, Jess and Lila aren't friends anymore, and Lila's been demoted from queen bee to Melissa's worker bee. I am gutted. Gutted, I tell ya. Lila is totally unconcerned and is like, Melissa can take care of herself. Jessica feels sorry for Melissa because her friends are all such self-centered bitches. I take a moment to bask in the irony.
Melissa has a heart-to-heart with her Mom, who sounds like the Julie Cooper of Sweet Valley. Mom advises Melissa to remind Will of what he's missing, which basically means skanking around flirting with lots of guys in front of him. Melissa's Mom is kind of awesome.
Meanwhile, Will is sitting around at home when Erika shows up with her friends. They take him to some place called the Dome, which is apparently the hangout for SVU students. I know I'd really want to drag a high school boy along on a girls' night out. They get there and find Cedric is DJing-whee, continuity! Erika wants to dance but Will doesn't, so he hangs around while she goes off with her friends. He is bored and can't get an alcoholic beverage. Erika finds him and thinks his orange juice is the most delicious thing ever. They make out.
Melissa puts her diabolical plan into action by wearing a skanky outfit and hitting a frat party at SVU. When you're searching for a Prince Charming, look no further than a SVU frat party! She scams on some hot guy who turns out to be none other than Steven Wakefield. What a coinky-dink! Melissa is like "Ewww, a Wakefield" and wanders off to get drunk. She runs into a hot guy named Kel, who's a total skeezebucket. So of course she asks him to the dance and of course he says yes.
Steven e-mails Jessica, saying that he saw her friend "Larissa" hanging out with "a real jerk." Such language, Steve! And you kiss your mother with that mouth! Steven says that after Melissa left, Kel went around telling everyone he was gonna score. Um, unless I miss my guess, doesn't that just fall under the category of "normal frat guy?" But if Steven says Kel is "serious bad news," I've got to take his word for it.
Melissa shows up at school the next day all hung over and looking like crap. Jessica gives her Cedric's audition disc and is concerned. Melissa is snaps at her to shut up and eats another Kalteen bar.
Wheeeeeee, it's dance time! Melissa shows up with Skeezoid Kel in a dress that's "practically backless." I'm not sure how this works. Does that mean it only shows part of her back? Like, it goes halfway down, or does it just have funky cutouts that, when added up, amount to roughly half the surface area of her back? I know, I'm putting way too much thought into this. Before the dance, Melissa and Skeezoid Kel had some rum. Classy. At the dance, they run into Lila, whom Skeezoid Kel manages to charm completely. Dammit, Lila, you're supposed to be awesome! Are you really going to let Mama Fox supplant you in awesomehood? Skeezoid Kel and Melissa hit the dance floor. Kel produces a flask, which he probably keeps in the same pocket with a packet of cheap condoms and a baggie of GHB. He offers Melissa a drink. What a gentleman.
We check in with the twinsies and their dates. Liz is with Jeffrey Jeff French, who turns out to be a very good dancer. Jess makes the following astute observation: "For once her sister had chosen a cool guy." Hee! (Yes, I am aware of his ultimate destiny as DJ Jazzy Jeff, which just adds a dash of irony to the generous helping of lulz).
Will notices Melissa being drunk and Skeezoid Kel being skeezy, and is worried about her. Erika seems more interested in mingling than hanging with Will, so he stands around while she dances with some other dude. Eventually Will finds Erika flirting with one of the SVH assistant coaches. Awkward!
Annie the cheerleader announces the President and First Lady of the dance and gasp! It's Will and Melissa. Melissa is trashed by now, and ends up screaming at Will on the dance floor. Then she runs off with Skeezoid Kel. Cedric calls Jessica to the DJ booth and warns her about Kel, implying that Kel date-raped a girl but the charges were dropped because Kel's parents invented Toaster Strudel (OK, actually, they're trustees at SVU). Jess and Jeremy run to the parking lot and save Melissa. They drive her home, and luckily she just sleeps instead of yakking all over the car. After they drop her off, Melissa is bitchy, and Jessica is pissed that she ruined their evening and didn't even thank them. Then she finds Cedric's CD in the car. Jess and Jeremy dance, and Jess acknowledges that Melissa thanked them after all.
B Plot is almost too gay to function (sorry, couldn't resist)
This one is about a dude named Dave, who is apparently the Jack McPhee of SVH. He's just come out to his parents at the urging of his boyfriend, Andy. I'd been hoping his bf was Tom McKay. Oh, well. Dave's Mom takes it fairly well, but his Dad, not so much.
Andy wants Dave to come to the dance with him, but Dave is still working it out with his Dad and isn't sure he's ready to go public yet. Andy continues to push him, and Dave finally cracks (say crack again! Crack!) and lashes out at Andy. The whole thing is actually pretty sensitively portrayed, which is a real improvement over Tom McGay. Dave makes some progress with his father, but it's not the "everything is allll good after a heart-to-heart" sort of thing that usually occurs in YA fiction. You can tell they have a ways to go. Dave also stops blaming Andy for pressuring him and surprises him by showing up at the dance. They make up, and it was actually pretty sweet.
C Plot does not have any inappropriate jokes or Mean Girls references
This one is about Alanna and her bf Conner. Alanna's just returned from rehab and struggles with her alcohol addiction. Conner is also a recovering alcoholic, and Alanna's parents don't approve. Most of this plotline involves Alanna being pushed around by her dysfunctional parents, and Alanna resisting the urge to fall off the wagon. She has a close call when faced with some spiked punch at the dance, but she manages to avoid succumbing to temptation. She worries that she might not be so lucky next time.
Oh, and Todd makes a cameo! Apparently he's taking Conner's sister to the dance. Yeah, that's it. Oh Todd, we barely knew ye.
You know, I think I'm going to like this series. It may be short on vampires and werewolves, but it's definitely not lacking in the ~*drama!*~
ETA: fixed borked html and the rotating spelling of Conner's name. Hardxcore Angel fan here, too used to writing "Connor."