(no subject)
Title: Everything Breaks
Fandom: Firefly
Rating: G
Summary: Simon thinks about how his sister has changed.
She wasn’t the same as she used to be.
When Simon looked at River, he could sometimes still see the girl she had once been. When she was playing with Kaylee for example, or using the kitchen counters for a barre. Sometimes, he could even see the sister he’d once had buried in her bewildered ramblings - the flights of fancy, the way her ideas ran together - those were all River Tam, almost the way she’d always been. Sometimes he could tell that somewhere, the sister he’d once had still existed.
But most of the time, she was totally different. She was aggressive, cold, confused. Sometimes, she wanted to do old things she’d once liked, sometimes she screamed and backed away as though he’d suggested something awful. She couldn’t explain to him why, only that things were how they were and she couldn’t even really say that - he simply worked it out for himself.
Perhaps there wasn’t a reason. Perhaps whatever the Alliance had done to her simply defined any sort of explanation. He knew that any prolonged torture could change a person irrevocably. And River was so young. Perhaps this was all there was now, no matter what he told the Captain. Maybe she would never get better.
But there were still those little glances. Still those little moments. Like she remembered. Like she was. So Simon kept waiting and hoping and telling himself that he could change her back.
“You shouldn’t let it make you cry,” River told him once after she’d smashed a blue pottery bowl for no reason that he could see. “Everything breaks. No use crying over spilt milk, no use closing the stable door after the horse is gone, no use, no use!”
She began to cry and Simon hugged her and reassured her that everything would be all right and that he didn’t care, he was her brother and he loved her whatever she did.
“I know you do,” she said. “You’re Simon. Solid. You don’t change.”
“No,” Simon promised. “I’m never going to change, River.”
Fandom: Firefly
Rating: G
Summary: Simon thinks about how his sister has changed.
She wasn’t the same as she used to be.
When Simon looked at River, he could sometimes still see the girl she had once been. When she was playing with Kaylee for example, or using the kitchen counters for a barre. Sometimes, he could even see the sister he’d once had buried in her bewildered ramblings - the flights of fancy, the way her ideas ran together - those were all River Tam, almost the way she’d always been. Sometimes he could tell that somewhere, the sister he’d once had still existed.
But most of the time, she was totally different. She was aggressive, cold, confused. Sometimes, she wanted to do old things she’d once liked, sometimes she screamed and backed away as though he’d suggested something awful. She couldn’t explain to him why, only that things were how they were and she couldn’t even really say that - he simply worked it out for himself.
Perhaps there wasn’t a reason. Perhaps whatever the Alliance had done to her simply defined any sort of explanation. He knew that any prolonged torture could change a person irrevocably. And River was so young. Perhaps this was all there was now, no matter what he told the Captain. Maybe she would never get better.
But there were still those little glances. Still those little moments. Like she remembered. Like she was. So Simon kept waiting and hoping and telling himself that he could change her back.
“You shouldn’t let it make you cry,” River told him once after she’d smashed a blue pottery bowl for no reason that he could see. “Everything breaks. No use crying over spilt milk, no use closing the stable door after the horse is gone, no use, no use!”
She began to cry and Simon hugged her and reassured her that everything would be all right and that he didn’t care, he was her brother and he loved her whatever she did.
“I know you do,” she said. “You’re Simon. Solid. You don’t change.”
“No,” Simon promised. “I’m never going to change, River.”