Day One
One Personality Change
Not too proud of this one. I think I could've done something good with the concept but I didn't execute it all that well *laugh*
Title: Piazza, New York Catcher
Fandom: Akira
Rating: R, for violence, swearing, sexual activity
Summary: Kaneda’s rationality of the world has disappeared, and Kai thinks there’s only one way out lest they all die. Character deaths, het slash. Based on the song “Piazza, New York Catcher” by the band Belle & Sebastian.
Elope with me Miss Private and we’ll sail around the world,
I will be your Ferdinand and you my wayward girl.
How many nights of talking in hotel rooms can you take?
How many nights of limping round on pagan holidays?
Oh, elope with me in private and we’ll set something ablaze;
A trail for the devil to erase.
They called it ‘The Statue’. It wasn’t actually a statue, really, but the name had a more neutral feel than ‘The Giant Tombstone’ or ‘The Grave’. A large slab of water-stained concrete that was at least two stories high, it stood near a large cliff that lead straight down to the sea-lake in the middle of the ruins. Heaven knows how it got there. Stuck in the ground, lightning-bolt cracks emanating from it radially, maybe it fell off a collapsing skyscraper.
All Kaneda knew was that before, the sharp cutoff to the sea actually used to go somewhere. What used to be the 3rd district had now crumbled away and sank into the middle of the bay, or maybe was washed out to the Pacific. He looked up at The Statue. A few days ago, Kai had spray-painted one word on it - sleep - in his best inky black calligraphy. After he had done that, he knelt and prayed. Guess he thought it was best to make a grave marker for everyone that was killed.
Kai and Kei had left the city. Kei urged Kaneda to come with them, but he refused to go at any cost. Still need some time to myself, you know?
Be sensible, she said. There’s nothing to eat. We’ve got no medicine left. Even our water supplies are running low. We have to get out of here.
I’m not leaving.
What, so you’re just going to sit here for the rest of your life- Kei started, but then Kai chimed in with which won’t be long - Kei looked at him and continued, and feel sorry for yourself?
She has a point, you know, Kaneda. There’s no point worrying about the past. I know it’s tough shit but man, we all know things ain’t gonna be the same as they were before.
I’m not leaving, dammit.
The other two unsuccessfully tried to convince him to come. Kaneda noticed that Kai seemed more dubious about it than Kei had - almost like he didn’t want him to come or something.
Maybe it had been because of the knife he pulled on Kai when he said he was too tired to search for supplies. No, said Kaneda, We’re searching for supplies. Right now. Don’t try and pull stupid shit. Okay? There was a twitch in his voice.
-
There was an odd coldness in the room as Kaneda woke up. First he looked around. Then he called names, first quietly, then a bit louder, and then he searched the entire ruined house before coming to the conclusion that the other two were up early searching for breakfast. He confidently ran his fingers along the rusty knifeblade tucked into his boot.
-
Kai had a scarf on over his coat, and an old sun hat. His breath clouded against overcast sky. Kei walked with him, a baseball cap tied to her head with a strip of cloth. Early in the morning, they walked over a collapsing bridge out of Neo-Tokyo, and were now making their way through old Tokyo.
This was it. They were out of there. For good.
They could start a normal life in a different city and pretend nothing ever happened…
Kai felt himself choke. This never should have happened. He glanced up at Kei - judging by her facial expression, she was thinking something similar.
“God damnit. Why did Kaneda have to be so stubborn. Why did he have to want to stay in that hellhole, why did…”
“Save your energy for walking. Who knows when we’ll find working transport?” Kei said, staring blankly ahead. Practical as always.
I wish I had my bike, Kai thought sourly. The front fork had rusted badly and snapped clean off weeks ago, and even if that hadn’t happened, gas was way too scarce.
But it wasn’t going to be like that anymore. They were done with living in the ruins. They’d been living there for months and months and gradually, the boiling, sticky heat turned into blustery wind and rain, then snow and darkness. They were done.
They kept walking.
-
San Francisco’s calling us, the Giants and Mets will play.
Piazza, New York Catcher, are you straight or are you gay?
We hung about the stadium, we’ve got no place to stay,
We hung about the tenderloin and tenderly you tell me
‘Bout the saddest book you ever read, that always makes you cry,
The statue’s crying too and well he may.
Kaneda started to get a bit unsettled later in the day when Kei and Kai hadn’t come back.
Nah. They’re probably just having a hard time finding stuff. It’ll be alright.
His mouth was oddly dry as he remembered Kei saying that there was no food left.
They wouldn’t leave me here by myself, would they?
-
Sleep. Peaceful sleep.
It was evening now, the two trying to get close to the small fire that barely fought off the December wind.
They were on the city limits of old Tokyo now. A building that must have been destroyed at least thirty years before leaned over. Kai and Kei were nestled between oxidized scaffolding and the building, like chicks underneath the wing of a hen.
“Kei,” Kai said miserably. “We can’t keep doing this. At this rate I don’t think Kaneda is ever going to change his mind. We have to get out of here or else we’ll all snuff it.”
“I know.” Kei replied quietly, frowning. She stared out the window. Kaneda was out there, setting up rain basins, his movements oddly optimistic.
“Kei. Seriously, listen to me. If we can’t force Kaneda out of here there’s…” he gulped. Was he actually considering ditching his own leader? His own leader who’d pulled a knife on him?
He remembered, once, when he woke up, his shirt was missing and there were dull scratches all over his body. He looked to hid side and found Kaneda huddled with the shirt, clutching the knife, and sleeping with a gigantic smile on his face.
It wasn’t the first time it had happened.
Hah. It’s not like he was the leader anymore. Rest of the gang’s dead. And having authority over just one person is kind of stupid anyways. And it’s kind of fucked up if you think you need to show your authority by slicing someone else up.
“…There’s… life’s just going to be living hell. What’s the point of living if it’s just gonna be too hard, you know? Leaving the city would be the best bet.”
“Yeah. That’d be the easy way out.”
“How the hell is that the easy way out?! You think I’m chickenshit because I’d rather have food to eat than to go out searching for hours and hours for it?” He itched to say something about Kaneda and the knife, but he didn’t.
Kei was silent. Then she sighed. “I know, I know. It’s just that Kaneda and I… we’re attached to the city.”
“Ain’t much of a city no more.”
Kaneda looked so happy. He was practically skipping through the gravel setting up basins.
Kei twitched in her sleep.
Early morning. It was cold and dark.
Kai tied a few small furoshiki together with some supplies. He slung them over his shoulder. “Ready?”
Kei looked at Kaneda reluctantly. She nodded.
They left, quiet as spring wind.
It was morning already. Kai yawned and started to regret the choice he’d made. He was saving his own life, but at what cost?
He remembered how optimistic Kaneda had looked. Like he knew for sure something good was going to happen. Like he thought the city would be re-made in an instant, handed to him on a silver platter.
Ugh. Months in the ruins hadn’t done him any good, that’s for sure.
He hasn’t realized Kei woke up and was watching him silently. She looked curiously at him - she could only see the side of his face, and he looked miserable.
“Did you like him?” she asked.
Kai jumped. “What?!”
“I don’t know,” she said quietly. “You two always seemed really close after the blast, and it’s just the way you comforted him if he was upset-“
“Yeah, well,” he said, spluttering, “I’m not out to steal him from you if that’s what you’re asking. We were part of the same gang, you know? We stuck together like glue. Being in the ruins gives us even more reason to do that, doesn’t it?”
Ever since she met Kai, Kei kind of wondered what was going on with him. It didn’t seem like he lived a broken life for as long as Kaneda had. He just… seemed a bit different than the rest of the gang. Slightly more delicate? If angered, he would bristle up and spit like a frightened alley cat.
He wasn’t too far from that state of mind at the moment.
-
Sundown. Kei and Kai still hadn’t come back. Kaneda paced around nervously.
“Very funny,” he said under his breath.
The earth responded with silence and rushing water.
“Very funny!” he yelled this time, curling his hands into fists. “Where are you two? I know you’re around here somewhere. Stop fucking around!”
The water basins cast long shadows over the loose gravel.
Kaneda started snickering to himself. They’re just playing a game. It’s all a game to test my endurance.
They’d been saying things to him like Kaneda, please stop laughing like that, you’re freaking me out and No, Kaneda, I don’t hear anything. Are you sure you’re alright?
No. No. They were wrong. He was going to stay here because he knew this was all a dream and everything would return to normal. And if it wasn’t, things would return to normal anyways. He’d seen a city get ripped apart before his eyes by a friend who had mutated into a gigantic ball of flesh. He’d seen wizened kids destroy buildings, sending shattered glass to the asphalt. He’d seen Kai crying a lot more than he used to. And before that, he’d been hit in the face at school, knocking Clowns off overpasses, drinking, swallowing pills.
How could things just get so fucked up all of a sudden?
He was so thirsty. There was thin snow on the ground in small patches. He knelt down and put his lips to the gravel, sucking the on the liquid.
Sure, whatever, I can make do until they come back. Dirt’s got nutrients in it, right? Isn’t that how worms survive? And plants, too. Plants survive by getting water from the ground.
I’m just being eco-friendly. Yeah.
-
I love you I’ve a drowning grip on your adoring face
I love you my responsibility has found a place
Beside you and strong warnings in the guise of gentle words
Come wave upon me from the wider family net absurd
“You’ll take care of her, I know it, you will do a better job-”
Maybe, but not what she deserves.
They walked along the highway now. Kanagawa Prefecture, 42km.
They’d gone through half their supplies already. Kei sighed. In the ruins they had come across some places that had money, totally untouched by the floods. Over time, they probably collected over two hundred thousand yen.
They’d be in luck if they found a restaurant or a hotel or something.
She wanted to ask Kai questions, lots of questions, but he didn’t look like he’d be able to handle them without punching a wall. Or her.
They walked kilometre after kilometre, and the sun rose and set over the snow. By nightfall, their legs ached horribly, and there were flurries. They were still on the highway, being screamed at by drivers, the population of which had steadily increased over the past few hours.
“What do we do now?” Kai asked. “10 kilometres ‘til we’re in Kanagawa.”
“I see lights off to the side,” Kei said back, her coat fluttering as a black car passed her.
The two ran to the edge of sixth lane, and jumped off the low overpass into a dark tangle of pipes and cement.
-
Kaneda spent the night shivering. Fuck you guys. Leaving me out here in the cold to die. Why did you do it? Why why why why why? He dug his icy fingernails into his arm, leaving reddish-white scratches.
-
Woke up again. The wind howled through broken windows.
Kei, Kai, why did you go? Where did you go? You better not have died on me-
A crash outside shook him from his thoughts. He whimpered, and then snarled.
Fuck, fuck, now I’m turning into a goddamned wimp-
The wind whistled through iron beams, screaming Kaneda, Kaneda-
“Great!” Kaneda said loudly. “I’m hearing things now. Great.”
Kaneda, Kaneda, Kaneda.
“Shut UP!”
He couldn’t sleep for the rest of the night because he kept hearing the city call his name.
-
He was a shivering mess in the morning. Sunken eyes, darting quickly around the room. Water pooled in the ceiling, and he jumped as each drip hit the floor.
The sun was blinding. The snow was melting.
-
Kei thoughtfully chewed on some stale toast at the Inn they managed to stay at just outside Kanagawa prefecture.
“Where are we gonna go?” she said at last, swallowing the tasteless mouthful.
“Beats me.” Kai took a spoonful of cereal, and then said, “As far away as possible. I don’t want to have anything to do with Neo-Tokyo.”
And Kaneda? What about Kaneda? she wanted to snarl, but didn’t want to anger Kai. He seemed agitated enough. “I… didn’t want to leave Kaneda back there.”
“I thought it through. It’s for the best. Trust me. He’s gone crazy.”
She wanted to yell But I love him, I love him so much and you made me leave him, and you love him too, I know you do, so why did you leave him?! She restrained herself, just.
“What’s with you?” Kai said, slurping milky cereal pulp from his spoon.
“N-nothing.”
“Alright.” He said, more quietly, “You know, we have to take care of each other. I don’t know what the rest of Japan’s like right now, but it’s probably best if we watch each other’s backs. Right?”
“…Right.”
Kaneda would have done better.
-
Elope with me Miss Private and we’ll drink ourselves awake,
We’ll taste the coffee houses and award certificates.
A privy seal to keep the feel of 1960’s style,
We’ll comment on the decor and we’ll help the passerby,
And at dusk when work is over we’ll continue the debate,
In a borrowed bedroom virginal and spare.
By the fourth day, Kaneda’s arms were covered in bloody scabs.
Scratch. Scratch to take the pain away.
Maybe Tetsuo felt like this. Unwanted.
Bullshit, Kaneda. You wanted him. You made him feel like part of the gang.
Did you?
Yes.
Leave me alone.
“Kaneda,” someone said. He turned, and nobody was there.
“Kaneda,” it said again. It sounded different, less metallic, more real…
The wind again?
Couldn’t be. It sounded so real. Kai? Kei?
Fuck off. You don’t want me. He pulled the stained duvet over his head, shivering.
Sleep.
Sleep.
Sleep.
The Statue says so.
-
Kai had found a bike shop, and offered cash up front for a nice bike. He and Kei rode out of there on a metallic green beauty fifteen minutes later.
“I thought you wanted to leave Neo-Tokyo behind,” she scoffed.
“Huh?”
“You know, biking. Also, if my memory is correct, this bike is the same colour as your old one.”
“So what? It’s not like I’m out to bash people’s heads open. I’m just using this as transportation.” They were in Kanagawa now, back on the highway, and Kai whizzed past drivers in boxy vehicles.
“And,” he added, “I like the colour green.”
Ain’t seen very much of that in the ruins.
Within a couple hours, they were in Shizuoka Prefecture. They were a little ways away from Izu, so they decided to stop at a cheap motel for the night.
There was a small café in the lobby. Happy yellow paint, thick plastic tablecloths, pictures and permits dotted the walls in dark wood frames. Two other couples sat at tables, looking bored.
“Not much to order in this place,” Kai said thoughtfully. “It’s all Western-style food.”
“Hamburgers, hot dogs, coffee, soda.” Kei read the list nonchalantly.
“And variations of the four. Is this all there is, seriously?” Kai smirked. Underneath he was itching for something healthy and unprocessed.
“It’s winter. We’ve been wasting away in the ruins for the past five months. I don’t think an extra hundred calories will do us any harm.”
“Touché,” Kai said.
-
Their room was on the second floor. Wave the key in front of the door handle. Open the door, step inside, smell the mildew.
It wasn’t as bad as they thought it would be. No smells thick enough to make you sneeze - no fungus, no perfume. It was just… normal.
“I’ll take the couch,” Kai said, throwing the freshly-refilled furoshiki onto the floor.
Kei sat on the bed. “Fine,” she said.
Silence.
The questions burned in her mind and she didn’t know if she could take it any more. She had been quiet and Kai had looked so intimidating, like he’d tear apart anyone who said the wrong thing. He masked his anger under snide jokes, hoping that nobody would notice, but it was so painfully obvious that Kei just didn’t think she could keep her mouth shut any longer -
“What… what’s wrong with you?” she asked.
“Huh?” Kai looked at her.
“You know. You’ve been acting awfully strange over the past few days. I want to know why.”
“Oh, gee,” said Kai. “Maybe it’s because I’ve left the city I’ve lived in all my life behind? Maybe because one of our own members destroyed the entire goddamn place? Maybe it’s because my life is totally ruined?”
She wasn’t getting the answer she wanted. She had to dive right in and ask directly. “Why did you leave Kaneda behind?” she said, a little more menacingly than she wanted to.
“Fuck,” Kai said, throwing his arms in the air. “Not this again. Why do you keep asking me?”
She was nervous. “Well, for one, you’ve never given me a straight answer, and two, I…”
“You what?”
“...There was a spark between us, okay? I liked him. I still like him.”
“Ooh,” said Kai, batting his eyelashes mockingly.
“You don’t get it, do you? You’ve abandoned your gang leader to save yourself!” Kei raised her voice.
“I ain’t some samurai.” Kai was snarling. “And I saved you, didn’t I? If we stayed there any longer we would’ve starved to death or-“ Do not mention the knife.
“But that still doesn’t explain why you just left him there to die!”
“Look,” said Kai. His snarls slowly regressed into sadness. “He…the way he was acting. I ain’t never seen him act like that before. He was so confident before, so strong, y’know? And now he’s gone batshit crazy.”
“What?”
“He told me he was hearing voices. He said Tetsuo was going to return some time, and that it would rain good fortune, and all these other things that I’ve only heard hobos on the subway yell-“
“And why didn’t he tell me this?”
“I don’t know, maybe he trusts me more. I have been with him for longer, you know-“
Kei felt so utterly female, she wanted to scream and kick and go But he loves me! He loves me and he would’ve told me everything! He doesn’t love you! She let the last sentence slip out of her mouth, and then she covered it in disbelief.
“What?” said Kai. His snarl came back.
“…I.. I-“
“What is that supposed to mean? Are you trying to make me break down and cry and go ‘Oh, he’s not my eternal love, snivel snivel,’ because you think I’m some fag? Fuck you, you stupid bitch, we’ve been part of the same gang for years and- you can’t just come along and tell me that he-“
It’s true, isn’t it?
You always liked him.
That way.
Shut up.
Before he knew it, he had picked up the phone, and his fingers were moving in a blur, and he silently he heard the phone buzzing. He put it on speaker.
“What are you doing?” Kei asked, each word crackling with anger.
“Shut up,” Kai spat. “Kaneda has a communication service on his bike.”
Ring. Ring.
“I thought you’ve been with him long enough to know that,” Kai smirked nastily through his sadness, and Kei wanted to smack him.
Ring. Ring.
Someone answered, weakly.
“T-tetsuo? I knew you’d try and talk to me-“
“N-no,” said Kai, tears in voice. “It’s Kai.”
“Kai? Kai? I thought… I thought you died or something…”
“I’m near Izu.”
I’m. Like he doesn’t even care that I’m here, Kei thought bitterly.
Silence.
“How the fuck did you g-get all the way over there?” Kaneda asked.
“Got another bike.” Kai swallowed the lump in his throat. “Kei’s here too.”
Whew.
“K-kei? She’s there? Can I talk to her?”
“I’m right here,” Kei said into the speaker. She was starting to cry as well.
“What’s wrong, baby? Miss me? I thought you might. I know, you’re in a better place now. I saw your bodies in the lake.”
Kei and Kai looked at each other.
“I saw your bodies in the lake… and now you’re calling me… from heaven?” Kaneda laughed, happily enough to make the other two’s skin crawl. “Is.. is Yamagata there? Or Tetsuo? Can I talk to them?”
“Kaneda,” Kei started. “We’re not-“
“No, sssh, honey, don’t say another word.”
More silence.
“I’ll see you in heaven. I will. I’ll see you, and Kai, and things will all we like normal, because I heard that heaven is what you make it, right? Right?”
More silence. Kei looked at Kai. His eyes were wide, tearful, and he was gritting his teeth.
“Kaneda. Listen to me. We’re not-“
“Shut up! That’s what you think. You are so. You are so dead. Maybe I am too, but I just don’t know it yet… maybe I need to make sure…”
“Kaneda-“
“Sssh. Sssh. Ssssh!”
The silence strangled them.
“I’ll meet you at The Statue. The Statue’s near the lake. Your bodies were in the lake. Makes perfect sense. I’ll meet you at The Statue. Love you both.” Trademark smirk in his voice.
Kaneda hung up, and there was quiet for a good ten seconds.
Then, Kei starting screaming. “He’s going to kill himself! What the hell have you done?!”
Kai was smiling, tears running down his face. “He proved you wrong. He said Love you both. He loves me too.”
Kei couldn’t hold in her anger anymore - she didn’t really care about gay people or anything, but she wanted to hurl every insult she had at Kai. “Fucking faggot- loser-“ And she drew back her fist and punched him in the ribs, sending him stumbling, leaning his hand on the bed for support.
He gasped, but he didn’t know whether he should give credit to Kei’s punch or his sobbing, and he wanted to say something back, but he couldn’t.
She kept screaming and kicked him in the leg repeatedly. “You- goddamned- idiot- I hate you-”
Kai couldn’t stop crying, and she was crying too, and she finally realized he wasn’t going to be able to fight back. She stopped for a minute, wiping her eyes. “Kai-“
“Shut up!” he yelled at her. “You see?! This is how he was acting! He’s gone completely psycho! If I didn’t get us out of there he would’ve slit our fucking throats-“ he gasped, and took a breath. “So be more fucking thankful.”
He took a few more breaths. “And I’m not gay. Okay?!”
Kei growled. “Oh yeah?”
Kai positioned himself, teeth bared, fists clenched. He was like a cat about to pounce. “Fucking try me, bitch-“
And he jumped on her, pushed her to the bed - he had a lot of power for someone so little, Kei was surprised - and he grabbed hold of her coat and tore it off, and crushed his hands on her breasts. “See? See?” he said, sobbing. “Not gay.”
Kei wanted to push him off and smack him, but for some reason she just couldn’t bring herself to do it, he was visibly cracking.
It’s not like he wanted Kaneda to actually kill himself. He was afraid for our sake.
He thought he was protecting me.
He was protecting me.
She wanted to apologize, but all she did was just hug him. Kai sobbed on her chest, looking childlike, sounding animal.
And then, another surge of power - he sat up and wrenched off her leggings, and she found herself - not out of love, she told herself, out of pity - undoing the buttons on his shirt, pulling off his tie - and then he grabbed her shoulders -
Both of them cried the whole way through. Tears smearing eachother’s skin, skin scarred by sun and cold, by knives, intentionally and unintentionally -
Guess we were all fucked up in the brain somehow
Animal sounds all around them, grunting, gasping, mixed with sobbing, she looked away in shame as she heard Kai moan, then yelp.
Their eyes were red as they re-dressed, and they didn’t bother to bring the furoshiki with them as they left the room, flew down the stairs, and drove away on the bike into the inky night. Glowing red and orange streaks trailed behind them as the wind dried their tears.
-
The catcher hits for .318 and catches every day,
The pitcher puts religion first and rests on holidays.
He goes into cathedrals and lies prostrate on the floor,
He knows the drink affects his speed he’s praying for a doorway
Back into the life he wants, and the confession of the bench:
Life outside the diamond is a wrench.
Sleep.
Sleep.
Kaneda couldn’t get the verb out of his head. The pipes called to him, rusting pipes of maroon and teal, dull onyx and grimy brass, whispering Kaneda, Kaneda, sleep, sleep.
Each broken LED-lighted sign he saw hanging off buildings bore his name. The words printed on the street, which before said ‘Prepare to stop’, now said Kaneda, Kaneda, Kaneda.
He looked up at another sign, an old neon one. The kanji twisted, violet tubes overlapping. Sleep.
If he saw one more sign he wasn’t even going to wait for the Statue. It was dark, pitch black. He waved his flashlight around, watching for rats or the undead. He walked his bike with him cautiously.
He shone the light down the street. It bounced off iron supports, broken glass, and the scenery around it got darker and darker until it was swallowed by black.
Fuck. It’s fucking creepy.
Hopefully the statue wouldn’t be too hard to find.
Follow the smell of rotting fish, garbage in water, sea-sulphur.
Follow the smell of the stadium. It has a particular smell, doesn’t it?
I don’t know. It smells like whatever Tetsuo smelled like.
You know, when he… transformed.
It smelled like the sheep hearts we dissected in eighth grade.
Raw, raw and sterilized, organs injected with some kind of… some kind of preservative…
He shouldn’t have been thinking about this. He really shouldn’t. Tetsuo would be waiting to slap him at the gates of the afterlife going Damn, you really have to relive that? That was so embarrassing.
“I know, Tetsuo,” Kaneda said out loud, his voice bouncing off the skyscrapers enclosing him. “I know, it’s embarrassing, but we can learn to laugh at it. We can have beer and go Roar, Tetsuo smash, Tetsuo transform, Tetsuo crush terrorism. You know? Like we used to.” He smirked. “Roar!”
He patted the seat of his bike. “Come on, sit. I know you want to.”
Follow the smell of the sheep hearts.
The city was a maze at night. He’d never get there at this rate. He passed Shinto shrines, and giggling, stood in front of it.
“What, no bell?” He shook an imaginary rope. “Ring. Ring.”
He clapped his hands twice, and bowed.
“Nothing to offer you, I ain’t got anything ‘cept my bike, and I’d kind of like to keep that. Just give a poor old JD a smooth ride to hell, alright?”
“Sleep,” said the shrine, smiling at him.
“Right,” he said, saluting. “Ta.”
He turned around and kept walking, his bike’s wheels whining with the strain of manual movement.
-
I wish that you were here with me to pass the dull weekend
I know it wouldn’t come to love, my heroine pretend
A lady stepping from the songs we love until this day
You’d settle for an epitaph like “Walk Away, Renee”…
Wind in their eyes, dried tears, burning confidence. Tokyo Prefecture Bypass, 22km.
-
Tokyo Prefecture Bypass, 10km.
BYPASS USE IS MANDATORY. AVOID TOKYO.
-
After hours of searching, he’d finally done it. There was The Statue, the grave marker among the buildings in the black night, enrobed with restless spirits.
“Ring, Ring,” said Kaneda, smiling. “See you, girl, I’m coming in right after,” he patted his bike, and pushed it over the edge of the cliff.
He didn’t bother shining the flashlight down to watch, he just heard the crashing as his beauty fell against rocks, cowl denting, wheels coming clean off, shattering glass, bits and pieces breaking - and then a dull splash as he heard the remains hit the murky water, and sink.
“Like Titanic,” Kaneda said. “Sleep sleep sleep. My heart will go on? Will it? Near, far, whatever? Sleep sleep sleep.” He looked at The Statue. “You told me so.”
He yelled at the skyscrapers, his voice echoing off the city like a searchlight of sound. “See you! See you all in hell! I’m coming, guys! Last one in! Very funny-“ and then, saluting, he stumbled off the edge of the cliff, into the darkness.
He couldn’t see anything, the flashlight fell and was caught in a crevice or something, but he could feel bones breaking, and he tasted coppery liquid around his teeth, and there was one final crack as blood rushed out of his head, warmth oozed down off his nose, and he couldn’t think anymore, his eyes just rolled back into his skull, and then his body was cold and wet - he couldn’t swim, his head sank under the water, murky dark filled his lungs and everything was alright.
-
The sun upon the roof in winter will draw you out like
a flower,
Meet you at the statue in an hour.
Kai read the sign. Neo-Tokyo, 5km, take Exit Ramp 342. Dawn started to break.
Kei gulped. “We should get off and walk the bridge-“
“Every second counts, don’t it?” Kai said to the wind. He sounded blank.
“But it’s dangerous-“
“Be quiet-“
Neo-Tokyo, 3km, take Exit Ramp 342.
Exit Ramp 342 - 1000m ahead.
500m.
Kai sped up the ramp and under the cracked overpasses, and in just minutes, over the last bridge standing, and into the ruined city. Kei clung to Kai’s ribs as cement crumbled off the bridge behind them.
What if we didn’t make it in time? What if--
The water basins stood, still, in the early morning light. A bike’s engine could be heard echoing through the gutted buildings.
He’s surely have done it by now… could he have found his way in the dark?
They passed a pile of thick concrete pylons that had fallen together in the shape of a shrine.
Ring. Ring.
And then, they reached it.
The Statue.
Breathing hard trying not to throw up from the smell, Kai looked over the edge of the cliff. It was still too dark to see anything.
He saw specks of red. Irregular red shapes - metallic - they look like they had broken off a car, or a-
He froze.
Oh, god.
“Kaneda,” he said, smiling. “Oh, Kaneda, Kaneda.”
He fell to his knees.
Kei was trembling. “Is he-… he can’t-“
“He rode his bike off the edge.” His voice cracked, warm tears coating his wind-chilled face. “Or something.”
“How do you-… are you sure?”
“Look,” said Kai, pointing to a dark shape materializing in the water. A red bike cowl, floating among bloated corpses in the water.
“He… he-“
And as it got lighter, they could see among the unclothed corpses, a body wearing a jacket that was all too familiar, blood red with a large capsule emblazoned on the back.
“Yeah,” said Kai. “Too late.” He sat, curled in the dust, knees to his chest. He shook.
Kei didn’t know what to say. All she could do was start to cry.
“God damn it-”
She grabbed Kai’s collar and brought him to his feet. “This- this wouldn’t have happened if you just left him here-“
“Yeah, and none of this would have happened if Tetsuo hadn’t been so stubborn, if by some stupid turn of events the gang never formed, if they hadn’t taken up that stupid fucking project designed to get us fucking nowhere but death, and if we weren’t so obsessed with power-“ he struggled out of her grip.
“It’s not just my fault!” he yelled. “It’s yours too! It’s everyone’s! We all contributed to this! Don’t you get it?!”
Kei wanted to shove him off the cliff. “I loved him-“
“Shut the hell up and stop worrying about the past! There’s nothing we can fucking do about it so quit crying already!”
“You’re crying too, you freak-“
Kai’s words got caught in his throat. He was -
“Okay,” he wiped his nose across his glove, “Maybe I’m a bit emotional-“
“You’re contradicting yourself!” Kei screamed. “You’re telling me to get over it while you’re-“
“Shut UP!” Kai shouted at her.
He sat, sobbing into his knees. Kei slowly sat down beside him, tears of disbelief in her eyes.
After a while, she said, quietly, “What are we going to do?”
“I-I don’t know.”
The air was filled with the sounds of gulls picking at rotting flesh.
“Do you still have your gun with you?” Kai asked finally.
“…No.” Kei said, scowling. “You’re not-“
“Shoot me.”
Kei didn’t say anything.
“Right here.” Kai pointed to the side of his head. His eyes were red again.
“No,” she said.
“I know you have that fucking gun, now shoot me before I shoot you.”
“What do you possibly expect to gain from it?”
“We’ve been trying too hard,” Kai said, sounding defeated. “And if we keep trying we’ll just end up going psycho like Kaneda did. He tried to get us food, and shelter, and clean water, and he tried to… communicate with the dead. And now look at us, we’re crying over another dead body.”
Kei’s blood boiled. Another dead body? For fuck’s sake, he was your leader. You loved him - I loved him-
And she took the gun out of her coat pocket and held it out to Kai. “Shoot yourself,” she said firmly. It was almost like an order.
“Fine, but I’m shooting you first.”
She backed away. “Why?!”
“You want to see him too, right?”
“I-“
“Yes, Kaneda’s body is just a shell right now. But his soul lives on, don’t it?” Kai asked. “Bodies are just shells, a place for souls to stay. I can’t leave… I can’t leave him’n Tetsuo and Yama to have all the fun.” He swallowed. “And I think he wants to see you too, you know.”
You’re being stupid, don’t listen to this-
Go along with it. Neither of you had much going for you anyways.
“Yeah, alright,” Kei said, icicles dripping from her words. “Join them. You bastard.”
In a swift motion, she held the gun to his head, and pulled the trigger.
The colour, and the sound, and the movement was all blurry, and she just saw red blood and spongy fluid fly from the wound and then a thud, red pooling around the boy, soaking his shirt.
It was even lighter outside, now, and Kei just smirked. “Just a shell now? You won’t mind an informal burial, then,” and she kicked Kai’s body off the cliff.
Gang’s all together, now.
Or whatever.
She got on the bike, the stench of death behind her, and rode off between the skyscrapers, heading for anywhere, anywhere but Neo-Tokyo. She wanted to cry, but couldn’t. She felt oddly optimistic and safe as rusty knives, shoved into the tops of her boots, surrounded her legs.
Meet you at the statue in an hour.
Meet you at the statue in an hour.
Not too proud of this one. I think I could've done something good with the concept but I didn't execute it all that well *laugh*
Title: Piazza, New York Catcher
Fandom: Akira
Rating: R, for violence, swearing, sexual activity
Summary: Kaneda’s rationality of the world has disappeared, and Kai thinks there’s only one way out lest they all die. Character deaths, het slash. Based on the song “Piazza, New York Catcher” by the band Belle & Sebastian.
Elope with me Miss Private and we’ll sail around the world,
I will be your Ferdinand and you my wayward girl.
How many nights of talking in hotel rooms can you take?
How many nights of limping round on pagan holidays?
Oh, elope with me in private and we’ll set something ablaze;
A trail for the devil to erase.
They called it ‘The Statue’. It wasn’t actually a statue, really, but the name had a more neutral feel than ‘The Giant Tombstone’ or ‘The Grave’. A large slab of water-stained concrete that was at least two stories high, it stood near a large cliff that lead straight down to the sea-lake in the middle of the ruins. Heaven knows how it got there. Stuck in the ground, lightning-bolt cracks emanating from it radially, maybe it fell off a collapsing skyscraper.
All Kaneda knew was that before, the sharp cutoff to the sea actually used to go somewhere. What used to be the 3rd district had now crumbled away and sank into the middle of the bay, or maybe was washed out to the Pacific. He looked up at The Statue. A few days ago, Kai had spray-painted one word on it - sleep - in his best inky black calligraphy. After he had done that, he knelt and prayed. Guess he thought it was best to make a grave marker for everyone that was killed.
Kai and Kei had left the city. Kei urged Kaneda to come with them, but he refused to go at any cost. Still need some time to myself, you know?
Be sensible, she said. There’s nothing to eat. We’ve got no medicine left. Even our water supplies are running low. We have to get out of here.
I’m not leaving.
What, so you’re just going to sit here for the rest of your life- Kei started, but then Kai chimed in with which won’t be long - Kei looked at him and continued, and feel sorry for yourself?
She has a point, you know, Kaneda. There’s no point worrying about the past. I know it’s tough shit but man, we all know things ain’t gonna be the same as they were before.
I’m not leaving, dammit.
The other two unsuccessfully tried to convince him to come. Kaneda noticed that Kai seemed more dubious about it than Kei had - almost like he didn’t want him to come or something.
Maybe it had been because of the knife he pulled on Kai when he said he was too tired to search for supplies. No, said Kaneda, We’re searching for supplies. Right now. Don’t try and pull stupid shit. Okay? There was a twitch in his voice.
-
There was an odd coldness in the room as Kaneda woke up. First he looked around. Then he called names, first quietly, then a bit louder, and then he searched the entire ruined house before coming to the conclusion that the other two were up early searching for breakfast. He confidently ran his fingers along the rusty knifeblade tucked into his boot.
-
Kai had a scarf on over his coat, and an old sun hat. His breath clouded against overcast sky. Kei walked with him, a baseball cap tied to her head with a strip of cloth. Early in the morning, they walked over a collapsing bridge out of Neo-Tokyo, and were now making their way through old Tokyo.
This was it. They were out of there. For good.
They could start a normal life in a different city and pretend nothing ever happened…
Kai felt himself choke. This never should have happened. He glanced up at Kei - judging by her facial expression, she was thinking something similar.
“God damnit. Why did Kaneda have to be so stubborn. Why did he have to want to stay in that hellhole, why did…”
“Save your energy for walking. Who knows when we’ll find working transport?” Kei said, staring blankly ahead. Practical as always.
I wish I had my bike, Kai thought sourly. The front fork had rusted badly and snapped clean off weeks ago, and even if that hadn’t happened, gas was way too scarce.
But it wasn’t going to be like that anymore. They were done with living in the ruins. They’d been living there for months and months and gradually, the boiling, sticky heat turned into blustery wind and rain, then snow and darkness. They were done.
They kept walking.
-
San Francisco’s calling us, the Giants and Mets will play.
Piazza, New York Catcher, are you straight or are you gay?
We hung about the stadium, we’ve got no place to stay,
We hung about the tenderloin and tenderly you tell me
‘Bout the saddest book you ever read, that always makes you cry,
The statue’s crying too and well he may.
Kaneda started to get a bit unsettled later in the day when Kei and Kai hadn’t come back.
Nah. They’re probably just having a hard time finding stuff. It’ll be alright.
His mouth was oddly dry as he remembered Kei saying that there was no food left.
They wouldn’t leave me here by myself, would they?
-
Sleep. Peaceful sleep.
It was evening now, the two trying to get close to the small fire that barely fought off the December wind.
They were on the city limits of old Tokyo now. A building that must have been destroyed at least thirty years before leaned over. Kai and Kei were nestled between oxidized scaffolding and the building, like chicks underneath the wing of a hen.
“Kei,” Kai said miserably. “We can’t keep doing this. At this rate I don’t think Kaneda is ever going to change his mind. We have to get out of here or else we’ll all snuff it.”
“I know.” Kei replied quietly, frowning. She stared out the window. Kaneda was out there, setting up rain basins, his movements oddly optimistic.
“Kei. Seriously, listen to me. If we can’t force Kaneda out of here there’s…” he gulped. Was he actually considering ditching his own leader? His own leader who’d pulled a knife on him?
He remembered, once, when he woke up, his shirt was missing and there were dull scratches all over his body. He looked to hid side and found Kaneda huddled with the shirt, clutching the knife, and sleeping with a gigantic smile on his face.
It wasn’t the first time it had happened.
Hah. It’s not like he was the leader anymore. Rest of the gang’s dead. And having authority over just one person is kind of stupid anyways. And it’s kind of fucked up if you think you need to show your authority by slicing someone else up.
“…There’s… life’s just going to be living hell. What’s the point of living if it’s just gonna be too hard, you know? Leaving the city would be the best bet.”
“Yeah. That’d be the easy way out.”
“How the hell is that the easy way out?! You think I’m chickenshit because I’d rather have food to eat than to go out searching for hours and hours for it?” He itched to say something about Kaneda and the knife, but he didn’t.
Kei was silent. Then she sighed. “I know, I know. It’s just that Kaneda and I… we’re attached to the city.”
“Ain’t much of a city no more.”
Kaneda looked so happy. He was practically skipping through the gravel setting up basins.
Kei twitched in her sleep.
Early morning. It was cold and dark.
Kai tied a few small furoshiki together with some supplies. He slung them over his shoulder. “Ready?”
Kei looked at Kaneda reluctantly. She nodded.
They left, quiet as spring wind.
It was morning already. Kai yawned and started to regret the choice he’d made. He was saving his own life, but at what cost?
He remembered how optimistic Kaneda had looked. Like he knew for sure something good was going to happen. Like he thought the city would be re-made in an instant, handed to him on a silver platter.
Ugh. Months in the ruins hadn’t done him any good, that’s for sure.
He hasn’t realized Kei woke up and was watching him silently. She looked curiously at him - she could only see the side of his face, and he looked miserable.
“Did you like him?” she asked.
Kai jumped. “What?!”
“I don’t know,” she said quietly. “You two always seemed really close after the blast, and it’s just the way you comforted him if he was upset-“
“Yeah, well,” he said, spluttering, “I’m not out to steal him from you if that’s what you’re asking. We were part of the same gang, you know? We stuck together like glue. Being in the ruins gives us even more reason to do that, doesn’t it?”
Ever since she met Kai, Kei kind of wondered what was going on with him. It didn’t seem like he lived a broken life for as long as Kaneda had. He just… seemed a bit different than the rest of the gang. Slightly more delicate? If angered, he would bristle up and spit like a frightened alley cat.
He wasn’t too far from that state of mind at the moment.
-
Sundown. Kei and Kai still hadn’t come back. Kaneda paced around nervously.
“Very funny,” he said under his breath.
The earth responded with silence and rushing water.
“Very funny!” he yelled this time, curling his hands into fists. “Where are you two? I know you’re around here somewhere. Stop fucking around!”
The water basins cast long shadows over the loose gravel.
Kaneda started snickering to himself. They’re just playing a game. It’s all a game to test my endurance.
They’d been saying things to him like Kaneda, please stop laughing like that, you’re freaking me out and No, Kaneda, I don’t hear anything. Are you sure you’re alright?
No. No. They were wrong. He was going to stay here because he knew this was all a dream and everything would return to normal. And if it wasn’t, things would return to normal anyways. He’d seen a city get ripped apart before his eyes by a friend who had mutated into a gigantic ball of flesh. He’d seen wizened kids destroy buildings, sending shattered glass to the asphalt. He’d seen Kai crying a lot more than he used to. And before that, he’d been hit in the face at school, knocking Clowns off overpasses, drinking, swallowing pills.
How could things just get so fucked up all of a sudden?
He was so thirsty. There was thin snow on the ground in small patches. He knelt down and put his lips to the gravel, sucking the on the liquid.
Sure, whatever, I can make do until they come back. Dirt’s got nutrients in it, right? Isn’t that how worms survive? And plants, too. Plants survive by getting water from the ground.
I’m just being eco-friendly. Yeah.
-
I love you I’ve a drowning grip on your adoring face
I love you my responsibility has found a place
Beside you and strong warnings in the guise of gentle words
Come wave upon me from the wider family net absurd
“You’ll take care of her, I know it, you will do a better job-”
Maybe, but not what she deserves.
They walked along the highway now. Kanagawa Prefecture, 42km.
They’d gone through half their supplies already. Kei sighed. In the ruins they had come across some places that had money, totally untouched by the floods. Over time, they probably collected over two hundred thousand yen.
They’d be in luck if they found a restaurant or a hotel or something.
She wanted to ask Kai questions, lots of questions, but he didn’t look like he’d be able to handle them without punching a wall. Or her.
They walked kilometre after kilometre, and the sun rose and set over the snow. By nightfall, their legs ached horribly, and there were flurries. They were still on the highway, being screamed at by drivers, the population of which had steadily increased over the past few hours.
“What do we do now?” Kai asked. “10 kilometres ‘til we’re in Kanagawa.”
“I see lights off to the side,” Kei said back, her coat fluttering as a black car passed her.
The two ran to the edge of sixth lane, and jumped off the low overpass into a dark tangle of pipes and cement.
-
Kaneda spent the night shivering. Fuck you guys. Leaving me out here in the cold to die. Why did you do it? Why why why why why? He dug his icy fingernails into his arm, leaving reddish-white scratches.
-
Woke up again. The wind howled through broken windows.
Kei, Kai, why did you go? Where did you go? You better not have died on me-
A crash outside shook him from his thoughts. He whimpered, and then snarled.
Fuck, fuck, now I’m turning into a goddamned wimp-
The wind whistled through iron beams, screaming Kaneda, Kaneda-
“Great!” Kaneda said loudly. “I’m hearing things now. Great.”
Kaneda, Kaneda, Kaneda.
“Shut UP!”
He couldn’t sleep for the rest of the night because he kept hearing the city call his name.
-
He was a shivering mess in the morning. Sunken eyes, darting quickly around the room. Water pooled in the ceiling, and he jumped as each drip hit the floor.
The sun was blinding. The snow was melting.
-
Kei thoughtfully chewed on some stale toast at the Inn they managed to stay at just outside Kanagawa prefecture.
“Where are we gonna go?” she said at last, swallowing the tasteless mouthful.
“Beats me.” Kai took a spoonful of cereal, and then said, “As far away as possible. I don’t want to have anything to do with Neo-Tokyo.”
And Kaneda? What about Kaneda? she wanted to snarl, but didn’t want to anger Kai. He seemed agitated enough. “I… didn’t want to leave Kaneda back there.”
“I thought it through. It’s for the best. Trust me. He’s gone crazy.”
She wanted to yell But I love him, I love him so much and you made me leave him, and you love him too, I know you do, so why did you leave him?! She restrained herself, just.
“What’s with you?” Kai said, slurping milky cereal pulp from his spoon.
“N-nothing.”
“Alright.” He said, more quietly, “You know, we have to take care of each other. I don’t know what the rest of Japan’s like right now, but it’s probably best if we watch each other’s backs. Right?”
“…Right.”
Kaneda would have done better.
-
Elope with me Miss Private and we’ll drink ourselves awake,
We’ll taste the coffee houses and award certificates.
A privy seal to keep the feel of 1960’s style,
We’ll comment on the decor and we’ll help the passerby,
And at dusk when work is over we’ll continue the debate,
In a borrowed bedroom virginal and spare.
By the fourth day, Kaneda’s arms were covered in bloody scabs.
Scratch. Scratch to take the pain away.
Maybe Tetsuo felt like this. Unwanted.
Bullshit, Kaneda. You wanted him. You made him feel like part of the gang.
Did you?
Yes.
Leave me alone.
“Kaneda,” someone said. He turned, and nobody was there.
“Kaneda,” it said again. It sounded different, less metallic, more real…
The wind again?
Couldn’t be. It sounded so real. Kai? Kei?
Fuck off. You don’t want me. He pulled the stained duvet over his head, shivering.
Sleep.
Sleep.
Sleep.
The Statue says so.
-
Kai had found a bike shop, and offered cash up front for a nice bike. He and Kei rode out of there on a metallic green beauty fifteen minutes later.
“I thought you wanted to leave Neo-Tokyo behind,” she scoffed.
“Huh?”
“You know, biking. Also, if my memory is correct, this bike is the same colour as your old one.”
“So what? It’s not like I’m out to bash people’s heads open. I’m just using this as transportation.” They were in Kanagawa now, back on the highway, and Kai whizzed past drivers in boxy vehicles.
“And,” he added, “I like the colour green.”
Ain’t seen very much of that in the ruins.
Within a couple hours, they were in Shizuoka Prefecture. They were a little ways away from Izu, so they decided to stop at a cheap motel for the night.
There was a small café in the lobby. Happy yellow paint, thick plastic tablecloths, pictures and permits dotted the walls in dark wood frames. Two other couples sat at tables, looking bored.
“Not much to order in this place,” Kai said thoughtfully. “It’s all Western-style food.”
“Hamburgers, hot dogs, coffee, soda.” Kei read the list nonchalantly.
“And variations of the four. Is this all there is, seriously?” Kai smirked. Underneath he was itching for something healthy and unprocessed.
“It’s winter. We’ve been wasting away in the ruins for the past five months. I don’t think an extra hundred calories will do us any harm.”
“Touché,” Kai said.
-
Their room was on the second floor. Wave the key in front of the door handle. Open the door, step inside, smell the mildew.
It wasn’t as bad as they thought it would be. No smells thick enough to make you sneeze - no fungus, no perfume. It was just… normal.
“I’ll take the couch,” Kai said, throwing the freshly-refilled furoshiki onto the floor.
Kei sat on the bed. “Fine,” she said.
Silence.
The questions burned in her mind and she didn’t know if she could take it any more. She had been quiet and Kai had looked so intimidating, like he’d tear apart anyone who said the wrong thing. He masked his anger under snide jokes, hoping that nobody would notice, but it was so painfully obvious that Kei just didn’t think she could keep her mouth shut any longer -
“What… what’s wrong with you?” she asked.
“Huh?” Kai looked at her.
“You know. You’ve been acting awfully strange over the past few days. I want to know why.”
“Oh, gee,” said Kai. “Maybe it’s because I’ve left the city I’ve lived in all my life behind? Maybe because one of our own members destroyed the entire goddamn place? Maybe it’s because my life is totally ruined?”
She wasn’t getting the answer she wanted. She had to dive right in and ask directly. “Why did you leave Kaneda behind?” she said, a little more menacingly than she wanted to.
“Fuck,” Kai said, throwing his arms in the air. “Not this again. Why do you keep asking me?”
She was nervous. “Well, for one, you’ve never given me a straight answer, and two, I…”
“You what?”
“...There was a spark between us, okay? I liked him. I still like him.”
“Ooh,” said Kai, batting his eyelashes mockingly.
“You don’t get it, do you? You’ve abandoned your gang leader to save yourself!” Kei raised her voice.
“I ain’t some samurai.” Kai was snarling. “And I saved you, didn’t I? If we stayed there any longer we would’ve starved to death or-“ Do not mention the knife.
“But that still doesn’t explain why you just left him there to die!”
“Look,” said Kai. His snarls slowly regressed into sadness. “He…the way he was acting. I ain’t never seen him act like that before. He was so confident before, so strong, y’know? And now he’s gone batshit crazy.”
“What?”
“He told me he was hearing voices. He said Tetsuo was going to return some time, and that it would rain good fortune, and all these other things that I’ve only heard hobos on the subway yell-“
“And why didn’t he tell me this?”
“I don’t know, maybe he trusts me more. I have been with him for longer, you know-“
Kei felt so utterly female, she wanted to scream and kick and go But he loves me! He loves me and he would’ve told me everything! He doesn’t love you! She let the last sentence slip out of her mouth, and then she covered it in disbelief.
“What?” said Kai. His snarl came back.
“…I.. I-“
“What is that supposed to mean? Are you trying to make me break down and cry and go ‘Oh, he’s not my eternal love, snivel snivel,’ because you think I’m some fag? Fuck you, you stupid bitch, we’ve been part of the same gang for years and- you can’t just come along and tell me that he-“
It’s true, isn’t it?
You always liked him.
That way.
Shut up.
Before he knew it, he had picked up the phone, and his fingers were moving in a blur, and he silently he heard the phone buzzing. He put it on speaker.
“What are you doing?” Kei asked, each word crackling with anger.
“Shut up,” Kai spat. “Kaneda has a communication service on his bike.”
Ring. Ring.
“I thought you’ve been with him long enough to know that,” Kai smirked nastily through his sadness, and Kei wanted to smack him.
Ring. Ring.
Someone answered, weakly.
“T-tetsuo? I knew you’d try and talk to me-“
“N-no,” said Kai, tears in voice. “It’s Kai.”
“Kai? Kai? I thought… I thought you died or something…”
“I’m near Izu.”
I’m. Like he doesn’t even care that I’m here, Kei thought bitterly.
Silence.
“How the fuck did you g-get all the way over there?” Kaneda asked.
“Got another bike.” Kai swallowed the lump in his throat. “Kei’s here too.”
Whew.
“K-kei? She’s there? Can I talk to her?”
“I’m right here,” Kei said into the speaker. She was starting to cry as well.
“What’s wrong, baby? Miss me? I thought you might. I know, you’re in a better place now. I saw your bodies in the lake.”
Kei and Kai looked at each other.
“I saw your bodies in the lake… and now you’re calling me… from heaven?” Kaneda laughed, happily enough to make the other two’s skin crawl. “Is.. is Yamagata there? Or Tetsuo? Can I talk to them?”
“Kaneda,” Kei started. “We’re not-“
“No, sssh, honey, don’t say another word.”
More silence.
“I’ll see you in heaven. I will. I’ll see you, and Kai, and things will all we like normal, because I heard that heaven is what you make it, right? Right?”
More silence. Kei looked at Kai. His eyes were wide, tearful, and he was gritting his teeth.
“Kaneda. Listen to me. We’re not-“
“Shut up! That’s what you think. You are so. You are so dead. Maybe I am too, but I just don’t know it yet… maybe I need to make sure…”
“Kaneda-“
“Sssh. Sssh. Ssssh!”
The silence strangled them.
“I’ll meet you at The Statue. The Statue’s near the lake. Your bodies were in the lake. Makes perfect sense. I’ll meet you at The Statue. Love you both.” Trademark smirk in his voice.
Kaneda hung up, and there was quiet for a good ten seconds.
Then, Kei starting screaming. “He’s going to kill himself! What the hell have you done?!”
Kai was smiling, tears running down his face. “He proved you wrong. He said Love you both. He loves me too.”
Kei couldn’t hold in her anger anymore - she didn’t really care about gay people or anything, but she wanted to hurl every insult she had at Kai. “Fucking faggot- loser-“ And she drew back her fist and punched him in the ribs, sending him stumbling, leaning his hand on the bed for support.
He gasped, but he didn’t know whether he should give credit to Kei’s punch or his sobbing, and he wanted to say something back, but he couldn’t.
She kept screaming and kicked him in the leg repeatedly. “You- goddamned- idiot- I hate you-”
Kai couldn’t stop crying, and she was crying too, and she finally realized he wasn’t going to be able to fight back. She stopped for a minute, wiping her eyes. “Kai-“
“Shut up!” he yelled at her. “You see?! This is how he was acting! He’s gone completely psycho! If I didn’t get us out of there he would’ve slit our fucking throats-“ he gasped, and took a breath. “So be more fucking thankful.”
He took a few more breaths. “And I’m not gay. Okay?!”
Kei growled. “Oh yeah?”
Kai positioned himself, teeth bared, fists clenched. He was like a cat about to pounce. “Fucking try me, bitch-“
And he jumped on her, pushed her to the bed - he had a lot of power for someone so little, Kei was surprised - and he grabbed hold of her coat and tore it off, and crushed his hands on her breasts. “See? See?” he said, sobbing. “Not gay.”
Kei wanted to push him off and smack him, but for some reason she just couldn’t bring herself to do it, he was visibly cracking.
It’s not like he wanted Kaneda to actually kill himself. He was afraid for our sake.
He thought he was protecting me.
He was protecting me.
She wanted to apologize, but all she did was just hug him. Kai sobbed on her chest, looking childlike, sounding animal.
And then, another surge of power - he sat up and wrenched off her leggings, and she found herself - not out of love, she told herself, out of pity - undoing the buttons on his shirt, pulling off his tie - and then he grabbed her shoulders -
Both of them cried the whole way through. Tears smearing eachother’s skin, skin scarred by sun and cold, by knives, intentionally and unintentionally -
Guess we were all fucked up in the brain somehow
Animal sounds all around them, grunting, gasping, mixed with sobbing, she looked away in shame as she heard Kai moan, then yelp.
Their eyes were red as they re-dressed, and they didn’t bother to bring the furoshiki with them as they left the room, flew down the stairs, and drove away on the bike into the inky night. Glowing red and orange streaks trailed behind them as the wind dried their tears.
-
The catcher hits for .318 and catches every day,
The pitcher puts religion first and rests on holidays.
He goes into cathedrals and lies prostrate on the floor,
He knows the drink affects his speed he’s praying for a doorway
Back into the life he wants, and the confession of the bench:
Life outside the diamond is a wrench.
Sleep.
Sleep.
Kaneda couldn’t get the verb out of his head. The pipes called to him, rusting pipes of maroon and teal, dull onyx and grimy brass, whispering Kaneda, Kaneda, sleep, sleep.
Each broken LED-lighted sign he saw hanging off buildings bore his name. The words printed on the street, which before said ‘Prepare to stop’, now said Kaneda, Kaneda, Kaneda.
He looked up at another sign, an old neon one. The kanji twisted, violet tubes overlapping. Sleep.
If he saw one more sign he wasn’t even going to wait for the Statue. It was dark, pitch black. He waved his flashlight around, watching for rats or the undead. He walked his bike with him cautiously.
He shone the light down the street. It bounced off iron supports, broken glass, and the scenery around it got darker and darker until it was swallowed by black.
Fuck. It’s fucking creepy.
Hopefully the statue wouldn’t be too hard to find.
Follow the smell of rotting fish, garbage in water, sea-sulphur.
Follow the smell of the stadium. It has a particular smell, doesn’t it?
I don’t know. It smells like whatever Tetsuo smelled like.
You know, when he… transformed.
It smelled like the sheep hearts we dissected in eighth grade.
Raw, raw and sterilized, organs injected with some kind of… some kind of preservative…
He shouldn’t have been thinking about this. He really shouldn’t. Tetsuo would be waiting to slap him at the gates of the afterlife going Damn, you really have to relive that? That was so embarrassing.
“I know, Tetsuo,” Kaneda said out loud, his voice bouncing off the skyscrapers enclosing him. “I know, it’s embarrassing, but we can learn to laugh at it. We can have beer and go Roar, Tetsuo smash, Tetsuo transform, Tetsuo crush terrorism. You know? Like we used to.” He smirked. “Roar!”
He patted the seat of his bike. “Come on, sit. I know you want to.”
Follow the smell of the sheep hearts.
The city was a maze at night. He’d never get there at this rate. He passed Shinto shrines, and giggling, stood in front of it.
“What, no bell?” He shook an imaginary rope. “Ring. Ring.”
He clapped his hands twice, and bowed.
“Nothing to offer you, I ain’t got anything ‘cept my bike, and I’d kind of like to keep that. Just give a poor old JD a smooth ride to hell, alright?”
“Sleep,” said the shrine, smiling at him.
“Right,” he said, saluting. “Ta.”
He turned around and kept walking, his bike’s wheels whining with the strain of manual movement.
-
I wish that you were here with me to pass the dull weekend
I know it wouldn’t come to love, my heroine pretend
A lady stepping from the songs we love until this day
You’d settle for an epitaph like “Walk Away, Renee”…
Wind in their eyes, dried tears, burning confidence. Tokyo Prefecture Bypass, 22km.
-
Tokyo Prefecture Bypass, 10km.
BYPASS USE IS MANDATORY. AVOID TOKYO.
-
After hours of searching, he’d finally done it. There was The Statue, the grave marker among the buildings in the black night, enrobed with restless spirits.
“Ring, Ring,” said Kaneda, smiling. “See you, girl, I’m coming in right after,” he patted his bike, and pushed it over the edge of the cliff.
He didn’t bother shining the flashlight down to watch, he just heard the crashing as his beauty fell against rocks, cowl denting, wheels coming clean off, shattering glass, bits and pieces breaking - and then a dull splash as he heard the remains hit the murky water, and sink.
“Like Titanic,” Kaneda said. “Sleep sleep sleep. My heart will go on? Will it? Near, far, whatever? Sleep sleep sleep.” He looked at The Statue. “You told me so.”
He yelled at the skyscrapers, his voice echoing off the city like a searchlight of sound. “See you! See you all in hell! I’m coming, guys! Last one in! Very funny-“ and then, saluting, he stumbled off the edge of the cliff, into the darkness.
He couldn’t see anything, the flashlight fell and was caught in a crevice or something, but he could feel bones breaking, and he tasted coppery liquid around his teeth, and there was one final crack as blood rushed out of his head, warmth oozed down off his nose, and he couldn’t think anymore, his eyes just rolled back into his skull, and then his body was cold and wet - he couldn’t swim, his head sank under the water, murky dark filled his lungs and everything was alright.
-
The sun upon the roof in winter will draw you out like
a flower,
Meet you at the statue in an hour.
Kai read the sign. Neo-Tokyo, 5km, take Exit Ramp 342. Dawn started to break.
Kei gulped. “We should get off and walk the bridge-“
“Every second counts, don’t it?” Kai said to the wind. He sounded blank.
“But it’s dangerous-“
“Be quiet-“
Neo-Tokyo, 3km, take Exit Ramp 342.
Exit Ramp 342 - 1000m ahead.
500m.
Kai sped up the ramp and under the cracked overpasses, and in just minutes, over the last bridge standing, and into the ruined city. Kei clung to Kai’s ribs as cement crumbled off the bridge behind them.
What if we didn’t make it in time? What if--
The water basins stood, still, in the early morning light. A bike’s engine could be heard echoing through the gutted buildings.
He’s surely have done it by now… could he have found his way in the dark?
They passed a pile of thick concrete pylons that had fallen together in the shape of a shrine.
Ring. Ring.
And then, they reached it.
The Statue.
Breathing hard trying not to throw up from the smell, Kai looked over the edge of the cliff. It was still too dark to see anything.
He saw specks of red. Irregular red shapes - metallic - they look like they had broken off a car, or a-
He froze.
Oh, god.
“Kaneda,” he said, smiling. “Oh, Kaneda, Kaneda.”
He fell to his knees.
Kei was trembling. “Is he-… he can’t-“
“He rode his bike off the edge.” His voice cracked, warm tears coating his wind-chilled face. “Or something.”
“How do you-… are you sure?”
“Look,” said Kai, pointing to a dark shape materializing in the water. A red bike cowl, floating among bloated corpses in the water.
“He… he-“
And as it got lighter, they could see among the unclothed corpses, a body wearing a jacket that was all too familiar, blood red with a large capsule emblazoned on the back.
“Yeah,” said Kai. “Too late.” He sat, curled in the dust, knees to his chest. He shook.
Kei didn’t know what to say. All she could do was start to cry.
“God damn it-”
She grabbed Kai’s collar and brought him to his feet. “This- this wouldn’t have happened if you just left him here-“
“Yeah, and none of this would have happened if Tetsuo hadn’t been so stubborn, if by some stupid turn of events the gang never formed, if they hadn’t taken up that stupid fucking project designed to get us fucking nowhere but death, and if we weren’t so obsessed with power-“ he struggled out of her grip.
“It’s not just my fault!” he yelled. “It’s yours too! It’s everyone’s! We all contributed to this! Don’t you get it?!”
Kei wanted to shove him off the cliff. “I loved him-“
“Shut the hell up and stop worrying about the past! There’s nothing we can fucking do about it so quit crying already!”
“You’re crying too, you freak-“
Kai’s words got caught in his throat. He was -
“Okay,” he wiped his nose across his glove, “Maybe I’m a bit emotional-“
“You’re contradicting yourself!” Kei screamed. “You’re telling me to get over it while you’re-“
“Shut UP!” Kai shouted at her.
He sat, sobbing into his knees. Kei slowly sat down beside him, tears of disbelief in her eyes.
After a while, she said, quietly, “What are we going to do?”
“I-I don’t know.”
The air was filled with the sounds of gulls picking at rotting flesh.
“Do you still have your gun with you?” Kai asked finally.
“…No.” Kei said, scowling. “You’re not-“
“Shoot me.”
Kei didn’t say anything.
“Right here.” Kai pointed to the side of his head. His eyes were red again.
“No,” she said.
“I know you have that fucking gun, now shoot me before I shoot you.”
“What do you possibly expect to gain from it?”
“We’ve been trying too hard,” Kai said, sounding defeated. “And if we keep trying we’ll just end up going psycho like Kaneda did. He tried to get us food, and shelter, and clean water, and he tried to… communicate with the dead. And now look at us, we’re crying over another dead body.”
Kei’s blood boiled. Another dead body? For fuck’s sake, he was your leader. You loved him - I loved him-
And she took the gun out of her coat pocket and held it out to Kai. “Shoot yourself,” she said firmly. It was almost like an order.
“Fine, but I’m shooting you first.”
She backed away. “Why?!”
“You want to see him too, right?”
“I-“
“Yes, Kaneda’s body is just a shell right now. But his soul lives on, don’t it?” Kai asked. “Bodies are just shells, a place for souls to stay. I can’t leave… I can’t leave him’n Tetsuo and Yama to have all the fun.” He swallowed. “And I think he wants to see you too, you know.”
You’re being stupid, don’t listen to this-
Go along with it. Neither of you had much going for you anyways.
“Yeah, alright,” Kei said, icicles dripping from her words. “Join them. You bastard.”
In a swift motion, she held the gun to his head, and pulled the trigger.
The colour, and the sound, and the movement was all blurry, and she just saw red blood and spongy fluid fly from the wound and then a thud, red pooling around the boy, soaking his shirt.
It was even lighter outside, now, and Kei just smirked. “Just a shell now? You won’t mind an informal burial, then,” and she kicked Kai’s body off the cliff.
Gang’s all together, now.
Or whatever.
She got on the bike, the stench of death behind her, and rode off between the skyscrapers, heading for anywhere, anywhere but Neo-Tokyo. She wanted to cry, but couldn’t. She felt oddly optimistic and safe as rusty knives, shoved into the tops of her boots, surrounded her legs.
Meet you at the statue in an hour.
Meet you at the statue in an hour.