hummmm????

Mar 27, 2013 01:11

dont really know what to think. dont really know whats comfortable. change is not somehting im good with. atm i dont really know what to say or how to say it.if i say im ok with something then find out later down the road that im not what gives me the right to take that freedom away. if i say no and that thing that is taken away beacomes something that will maybe cause resentment. or even possiblay guilt. i want to be happy and i want the person im with to be happy. but i also want comitment on all levels of the word. or do i? if im not willing for such things to happen, would they any way and become something to become angry about. or just know its gonna happen expect it and be open about it. does loyalty have a point? or is that just a basic animal thing. and where are the lines that should not be crossed. if i were to say some one was just for sex weather it be male or female would that be passing the line of commitment. weather im strate or bi or gay. should a partner be held to the same expecion i hold my self to? and what do i expect from my self. some times i think it would be easyer not to think. am i ok with an open relashionhip of sorts or am i not. im really not sure.

ok enough pussyfooting around thoughts.
this is what i know
at times i enjoy watching her tease the shit outta a woman. but once its outta sight my mind goes nuts. i know i enjoy being part of things. and i know i hate woundering whats going one. i know im not great at shairing the one im with unless im also being shaired. if that makes any sence. but am i ok with just shairing in jeneral. iv always ben ok with 3 somes but thats beacuse im involved. if im not involved i feel left out neglected and alone. weather it be physical or mental im eather loyal in one or the other. iv always wanted loyalty of both and im now at a point in life where i am able to do such and want such in return. but at the same time i dont want anyone to feel restrained or caged. why hide a part of ones self if that is who they are. doing such only causes dought and mistrust.lies and half truths.weather it be all or nothing or just a lil of both i know i dont want to lose what i have. no matter what i know i want what i currently have. come hell or high water i want this to work more then anything i have ever wanted. i know i dont want to be angry or hurt over something unexpected.i hate being blindsided but some times expecting and knowing hurt the same. atm idk if it will hurt. iv always ben jellous of males. not oten women. knowing i cant fulfill that something gives me an uncomfortable feeling. knowing im not compleetly good enough. but is are my feelings any right to take that ability to find taht something some where else elsewhere. am i able to be ok with that. knowing im just not quite good enough. not being some ones everything in a relashionship but having them be mine.idk i think it just needs to be thought on a lil more. and explored
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